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Modern Families

Who doesn't wanna stay at Camp OmaPapa?!

In a sea of unsavory stories featuring toxic, uninvolved grandparents out there on the interwebs, stories like this feel all the more uplifting and wholesome.

Enter Paula, or “Oma,” as she’s affectionately known as by her grandkids. In a clip posted to TikTok, we learn that she and her husband, “Papa”, not only agreed to watch the grandchildren—aged 5, 4 and 2— for nine days while their adult children celebrated their anniversary, they fill the stay with fun activities in a project they aptly named “Camp OmaPapa.”

Seriously, no stone was left unturned while dreaming up this next-level camp. To stoke some excitement, Paula had mailed the kiddos an official invitation to Camp Oma Papa, telling them what to bring and what type of activities to look forward to.


The carefully curated list of activities (ice cream on Sunday, zoo on Wednesday, scooter ride on Monday, etc.) lived on one wall, while another hall had a single blue frame out of painter’s tape that would feature that day’s schedule—providing a perfect balance of structure and free play that all kids need, even in the summertime.

They even created official Camp OmaPapa shirts for their little campers, along with a ”Welcome to Camp OmaPapa” ushering them in. How cute is that?! Talk about going all out.

Needless to say, viewers were impressed…if not a little jealous.

“They don’t make grandparents like this anymore, ” noted one person

“As a mom with no village this is amazing, our kids and grandkids are lucky to have you,” lamented another.

Still a third wrote, “My parents have never even taken my kids out for an ice cream cone. This is so awesome.”

In a response to the aforementioned comment, Paula reveals that her own kids had grandparents that “didn’t want anything to do with them,“ which taught her what kind of grandparent she didn’t want to be.

However, several others chimed in with similar “camps” created by other similarly awesome grandparents.

“Yes! My mom and I do this every year but it’s ‘cousin camp.’ We all look forward to it every year!"

“My mom has a ‘bidi bootcamp.’ Originally it was because every time the grands went to bidi’s house they learned something new. Potty training, paci withdrawal, bottle to cup, etc…The name ‘bidi’s bootcamp’ is just for fun now.”

And of course, several were asking if Camp OmaPapa would be accepting new campers next year—kids and adults alike.

For those next-level grandparents wanting to create something like this for their own grandkids, Paula has more detailed videos breaking down what the kids did each day. Here are a few samples:



 
 @pbev12 Day 3 in the books! Stay tuned for Day 4 of Camp OmaPapa✨ #summercamp #campomapapa #columbuszoo #jerseymikes #artsandcrafts #smores #oma #papa @jerseymikes @Columbus Zoo and Aquarium ♬ Soft - The Pianist & D'Michel leb 
 
 

One important thing to note: it’s pretty evident that Camp OmaPapa isn’t just creating core memories for the kiddos, but for Oma and Papa as well. All while giving parents the village they so desperately need. All in all, it’s a pretty beautiful thing to see.

Check out more things OmaPapa-related by giving Paula a follow on TikTok.

A woman holding back her laughter.

One of the biggest topics in parenting these days is the mental and physical drain that comes with being the default parent in a family. The default parent is the one who is first in line when it comes to taking responsibility for parenting duties, whether that means making doctor’s appointments, ensuring the homework is done, or making sure the child has enough socks to make it through the week.

Being the default parent can lead to fatigue and burnout, and the parent can experience incredible anxiety when their attention turns away from the household or family. The situation is even worse when the default parent’s partner only does the bare minimum. Unfortunately, in American society, fathers are often the parents who do just enough to get by and are praised for it.

The notion that men don’t have to pull their equal weight in American family life is so ingrained that when Emma Hughes, a travel nanny with over one year of experience in childcare and family support, visited Sweden for two weeks, she experienced extreme culture shock.


"I've been in Sweden now and I think I've been ruined for American men," the 24-year-old said in a viral Instagram video. "Specifically raising a child with an American man in America, because these Scandinavian dads? Chef's kiss …"

"I'm actually embarrassed to talk about this because all of the observations that I've made have really revealed to me how deeply ingrained [expletive] dads have become like in my brain, and it's just like the default,” she continued.

The notion that fathers only have to do the bare minimum was so ingrained in Hughes’ psyche that she couldn’t understand seeing so many involved fathers in Sweden.

 sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, soccer, swedish child A dad playing soccer with his child.via Canva/Photos

"When I see more dads pushing their strollers in the park on a Saturday morning than moms, what does my brain think … That's weird, there is something abnormal about that,” Hughes said. “When I see dads at the grocery store with their kids. When I see dads out at restaurants or in public. It is so deeply telling of a lot of subconscious stuff that I have going on in my brain after working with so many families."

She said that even the best dads she's worked with in America would be considered the "Scandinavian bare minimum." She applauded one Swedish father who purchased a new size of diapers for his baby without being told to do so by his partner.

 swedes, swedish couple, scandanavia, swedish flag, happy swedes A couple holding up the Swedish flag.via Canva/Photos

"Like I watched a Swedish dad go to the grocery store and come home with like four bags of groceries and in that trip he had bought size two diapers for a baby that had previously been wearing size one and was ready to move into size two but that conversation had not happened between the mom and the dad,” she said.

Given Swedish dads' dedication towards their parenting responsibilities, it’s fair to assume that their partners are much happier and stress-free than those in the States. But what about their kids? Researchers at the United Nations who studied “child well-being in rich countries” found that Swedish fathers also ranked high by their children. The survey asked children in 28 countries if it was easy to talk to their dads, and while 67% of children in the study said their parents were easy to talk to, Swedish fathers scored higher at 72.4%. Meanwhile, the U.S ranked 25, out of 28, at just 59.7%.

 sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, swedish child, dad reading note,  A Swedish dad reading a note. via Canva/Photos

Ultimately, Hughes makes an important point that Scandinavian men have set a high bar for being fathers and that American men need to step up. The positive sign is that in America, the discussion around default parenting has been getting louder and louder, and hopefully, that will prompt more American men and women to set higher expectations so that one day, American men can catch Sweden’s.

This article originally appeared in May.

Modern Families

Brain scans show that grandmas connect with their grandkids better than their own children

Was your mom hard on you, but spoils her grandkids? There's an evolutionary reason behind it.

via PixaBay

A grandmother and grandchild share a special evolutionary bond.

It can be annoying, as a parent, when your own mom or dad who was super hard on you growing up, dotes and fawns all over their grandchildren. Something about becoming a grandparent turns even the hardest of souls into a big old softy. And, as rejected as it can sometimes make grown-ups feel, it turns out there might be a good reason for this phenomenon — especially in women. It's called the "grandmother effect."

For the past 55 years, scientists have theorized that a major reason why humans live so much longer past their reproductive years than other species is because of grandmothers. The "grandmother effect," as it's known, postulates that in hunter-gatherer societies, grandmothers played a vital role in finding food and raising children. In fact, the grandmother's role was so important that it had a huge impact on whether or not children survived.

 grandmas, evolution, grandma effect, grandmother effect, grandparents, parenting, family, love, kids, children Grandmas played a key role in the survival of early society families.  Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash  

"By relieving a mother of some of her child-raising responsibilities, so the thinking goes, grandmothers make it easier for their daughters to have more children and also make it possible for those children to have longer lives by helping them during the difficult early years of life," Haider J. Warraich writes in Stat. Two studies further this hypothesis by showing the important roles that grandmothers have in the survival of their grandchildren. A study of birth and death records in Finland for individuals born between 1731 and 1890 found that having a maternal grandmother between the ages of 50 and 75 increased a child's survival rate.

Another study found that proximity to grandmother matters, too. The shorter the distance between grandmother and grandchild, the more involved the grandmother can be and the more benefits that accrue to her daughter and grandchildren.

In others words, grandmothers in early societies weren't just laying around like Charlie Bucket's grannies in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. They were actively involved in lightening the childcare load, which benefitted just about everyone in the family.

The grandmother effect could be a major reason why a new study shows that grandmothers may feel a closer emotional bond to their grandchildren than their own offspring.

A study by James Rilling of Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia published in "The Royal Society" measured brain function in 50 grandmothers with at least one biological grandchild between 3 and 12 years old.

 grandmas, evolution, grandma effect, grandmother effect, grandparents, parenting, family, love, kids, children Give grandma a break if she can't stop loving on the kids.  Photo by 𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔞𝔯𝔶 𝔭𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔩𝔱𝔞 on Unsplash  

Grandmothers were shown photos of their grandchild, an unknown child, an unknown adult and the same-sex parent of the grandchild. The study found that when a grandmother saw a photo of their grandchild it activated parts of their brain associated with emotional empathy and movement.

When the grandmothers saw a photo of their adult child, it activated areas of the brain associated with cognitive empathy. So, to put it simply, when shown the pictures, the grandmothers were attempting to emotionally empathize with their grandchildren while trying to cognitively understand what their adult children were thinking.

That emotional empathy is extremely powerful and visceral. Cognitive empathy is useful, but is one layer removed. You can logically understand what someone is thinking or feeling without actually feeling it yourself. Emotional empathy is much more involved and tangible.

"That suggests that grandmothers are geared toward feeling what their grandchildren are feeling when they interact with them," Rilling said in an Emory news article. "If their grandchild is smiling, they're feeling the child's joy. And if their grandchild is crying, they're feeling the child's pain and distress."

Given the importance of the grandmother effect, it's no surprise that our grandmothers seem to be hardwired to love us in the deepest way possible. Science shows that without this incredible bond, humans may not have made it this far. Conversely, it also shows that without having such an important role in their post-reproductive years, our grandparents may not have evolved to live so long.

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

In the end, the relationship appears to be symbiotic. Grandmothers promote the survival of a child who one day may grow up to be a grandparent and live longer because they have such an important role in the life of their grandchild.

So if your mom was a tough cookie growing up but suddenly seems to be all sugar and gumdrops when the grandbabies are around, don't take it personally. It's embedded in her DNA to love and care for them. Without the responsibility of being the primary caregiver (who are usually just trying to survive the day to day), grandmothers are free to spoil, snuggle, and connect with their grandkids in a way sometimes they never could with their own children. It's a natural process, and ultimately a good thing. If you're lucky enough to have an involved grandma, the science says you should consider yourself lucky!

This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.

Modern Families

Sandra Bullock is brutally honest with her kids about race, because she has to be

“I don't care if it scares them because it’s my job to let them know that outside of these safe walls, things are different."

Sandra Bullock on 'Red Table Talks.'

Sometimes the best protection a parent can offer is presenting the world exactly as it is. In 2021, Sandra Bullock appeared on an episode of Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table Talk, where she discussed the realities of being a white mom to two Black children.

Bullock adopted her son Louis and her daughter Laila between 2010 and 2015. Since then, Bullock has been praised not only for being so open with her children about race, but for approaching it through their perspective, versus one of privilege. “To say that I wished our skins matched…sometimes I do. Because then it would be easier on how people approached us,” she admitted. It might make things easier, but for Bullock and her children, that is simply not the reality.

No parent wants to tell their child that the world can often be a scary and unfair place, but not having the difficult conversation is, as Bullock told BET in 2015, a “disservice."
 
 

She added:

“I can't ride in a bubble with him. I want him to know the truth…that you’ll be judged by the color of your skin rather than the content of your character. But it exists, and I want him to be safe and I want him to be aware. Once he leaves that house and I’m not with him, it’s his life and how he approaches it is his decision…I want to know that I did the best I could as his mom to educate him on the ugliness in the world, and also the beauty.”

 
 

In an interview with theGrio, Bullock reflected on a heartbreaking experience after seeing son Louis wearing a hoodie. It’s crazy to think that something as innocent as this could be life-threatening, but as the countless stories of racial profiling continue to make headlines, it is a consistently relevant and crucial conversation to have.

She asked her then six-year-old, “What does it look like you’re doing with the hoodie?”

Louis’ response: “Well, I look like I’m hiding.”

Bullock told theGrio that Louis is well aware that he would be treated differently as a white boy. She reiterated that she “doesn’t care” if that fact scares her children, because it is her “job to let them know that outside of these safe walls, that things are different.”

The responsibility of a parent is to make the children aware of potential dangers they are likely to face, to fully equip and prepare them. For parents with children of color, this includes the added weight of discussing the prejudice waiting for them outside the safety of home.

 

Though Sandra Bullock is well aware of the hardships her children face, she still says, “Maybe one day we’ll be able to see with different eyes.”

For a change like that to happen, we will need to see through the eyes of empathy and compassion. This is something Bullock embodies every day that she chooses to have transparent conversations with her children, to “protect them, enlighten them, and show them their power.”

This article originally appeared four years ago.