Boomer grandma says it's ‘okay’ to vacation with adult kids, while their spouses stay home
"Yes, it's absolutely okay to take a vacation, a family vacation without your sons and daughter-in-law.”
A mature woman enjoying her vacation.
A grandmother on social media is shaking up what it means to have a family vacation, and many people strongly disagree with her views. Grandma Jan, the founder of Grandma Camp, who shares fun ideas for grandparents and grandkids, argued that she should be able to go on vacation with her adult kids, without their spouses.
“Let me say something a lot of parents are afraid to admit. Yes, it's absolutely okay to take a vacation, a family vacation, without your sons and daughter-in-law. And it doesn't mean you don't love them. It doesn't mean they're not welcome,” Grandma Jan said. “It doesn't mean there's drama. Sometimes you just want time with your own kids.”
@grandmacampplanner It’s okay to have family trips that don’t include every branch of the family tree. #FamilyTrips #GrandmaCamp #InLawLife #FamilyDynamics #HonestConversations
Should people go on vacation with their parents while leaving their spouse at home?
Grandma Jan says that you can love your son or daughter-in-law, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to spend a vacation without them. “Families are allowed to have branches, not every branch has to be on every trip. If you love your in-laws, make sure they know it. But also honour the part of your heart that still loves the just us moments with your original crew,” Grandma Jan continued.
Grandma Jan asked people to share their thoughts in the comments, and that wasn’t such a great idea. Nearly everyone thought that going on a vacation with your parents, and not your spouse, was a bad idea. Some suggested that Grandma Jan needed to “cut the cord” with her children.
"You do realize when they got married, YOU became a branch, not them? Their family unit is the tree, you da branch," Brittinay wrote. "I feel a 'no contact' in her future," Becky added. "Just go to dinner. A vacation is over the top." Kat commented.
Grandma Jan had more to say...
Even though the viral video attracted a lot of negative comments, Grandma Jan posted a follow-up, sharing what it’s like for a parent to watch their child grow up and wish they could spend time with them just like when they were young.
@grandmacampplanner Loving your sons- and daughters-in-law doesn’t cancel out wanting time with your own children. This is about connection, identity, and the way family shifts when kids grow up. It’s emotional, not exclusion. Be kind in the comments. #FamilyDynamics #MotherhoodAfter18 #InLawLife #EmptyNestHeart #GrandmaCamp
“Sometimes a mom, especially a mom of adults, just misses her kids. Not the grown-up version, not the married version, not the parent version. But the child she raised. The one she poured her life into. The one she hasn't had one-on-one time with in years,” Grandma Jan said, adding that seeing your child grow up feels like “grief mixed with love.”
People may have strong feelings about Grandma Jan’s comments, and even if they don’t like what she has to say, any parent has to get where she's coming from. As our kids grow up, there’s nothing most wouldn’t give to have the relationship we had with them before they went out on their own.
The question for parents, like Grandma Jan, is, once they are gone, do you think things will ever be like they once were? Sadly, probably not, and she appears to understand. In her follow-up video, she shares a bittersweet observation that everyone can agree with: “Love changes its shape when your children grow.”