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Modern Families

Do you have a "living room family" or a "bedroom family"?

This 'debate' is all the rage on TikTok. But one is not better than the other.

alexxx1915/TikTok

TikTok user alexxx1915 recently posted a short video with the caption: "I just learned the term 'living room family' and I never understood why my kids never played in their rooms when I always did as a kid."

She briefly shows her kids hanging out in the living room with their pet dog and some toys scattered around the floor, before panning to her own face and giving a sort of sentimental look. The simple, ten-second clip struck a huge nerve with parents, racking up over 25 million views and thousands of heartfelt comments.






@alexxx1915

#livingroomfamily #fypシ

What are "living room families" and "bedroom families"?

This idea has been going around for a while on social media.

Simply put, a living room family is a family that congregates in the living room, or any common space in the household. Kids play in the same space where the adults relax — and things are often messy, as a result. Everyone interacts with each other and spends lots of time together. Bedrooms are reserved mostly for sleeping and dressing.

A bedroom family, on the other hand, is where the kids spend more time in their rooms. They play there, watch TV, and maybe even eat meals. Typically, the main rooms of the house are kept neat and tidy — you won't find a lot of toys scattered about — and family time spent together is more structured and planned ahead rather than casual.

"Living room families" has become the latest aspirational term on TikTok. Everyone wants to be a living room family!

The implication of being a bedroom family, or having 'room kids', is that perhaps they don't feel safe or comfortable or even allowed to take up room in the rest of the house, or to be around the adults.

"I remember my brother coming round once and he just sat in silence while watching my kids play in livingroom. After a while he looked at me and said 'It's so nice that your kids want to be around you'" one commenter said on alexxx1915's video.

"I thought my kids hated their rooms 🥺 turns out they like me more" said another.

"You broke a generational curse. Good job mama!" said yet another.

There's so much that's great about having a family that lives out in the open — especially if you were raised feeling like you had to hide in your room.

In my own household, we're definitely a living room family. We're around each other constantly, and the house is often a mess because of it. Learning about this term makes me feel a little better that my kids want to be around us and feel comfortable enough to get their 'play mess' all over the living room.

The mess is a sign of the love and comfort we all share together.

But the big twist is that it's also perfectly fine if your kids — and you! — like a little more solitary time.

boy playing with toys on the floorGavyn Alejandro/Unsplash

Being a 'bedroom family' is actually perfectly OK.

There's a similar discourse that took place last year about living room parents vs bedroom parents. The general consensus seemed to be that it was better to be a living room parent, who relaxed out in the open versus taking alone time behind closed doors.

But it really doesn't have to be one or the other, and neither is necessarily better.

Making your kids feel relegated to their room is, obviously, not great. It's not a good thing if they feel like they're not allowed to exist in and play in the rest of the house.

But if they just like hanging out in their room? Nothing wrong with that at all! And same goes for parents.

Alone time is important for parents and kids alike, and everyone needs different amounts of it to thrive.

Kids with certain special needs, like being on the autism spectrum, may be absolutely thrilled to spend lots of time in their rooms, for example.

So are you a living room family or a bedroom family? Turns out, it doesn't really matter, as long as your family loves each other and allows everyone to be exactly who they are.

Family

13 comics use 'science' to hilariously illustrate the frustrations of parenting.

"Newton's First Law of Parenting: A child at rest will remain at rest ... until you need your iPad back."

All images by Jessica Ziegler

Kids grab everywhere.


Norine Dworkin-McDaniel's son came home from school one day talking about Newton's first law of motion.

He had just learned it at school, her son explained as they sat around the dinner table one night. It was the idea that "an object at rest will remain at rest until acted on by an external force."

"It struck me that it sounded an awful lot like him and his video games," she joked.


A writer by trade and always quick to turn a phrase, Norine grabbed a pen and scribbled some words:

"Newton's First Law of Parenting: A child at rest will remain at rest ... until you need your iPad back."

And just like that, she started creating "The Science of Parenthood," a series that names and identifies hilarious, universal parenting struggles. She put in a quick call to her friend Jessica Ziegler, a visual and graphics expert, and together the two set out to bring the project to life.

Here are some of their discoveries:

1. Newton's first law of parenting

parents, babies, parenthood

A taste of the “gimmies."

2. The sleep geometry theorem

teenagers, science of parenthood, science

There’s plenty of room.

3. The baby fluids effusion rule

baby fluids, adults, babies

Duck.

4. The carnival arc

avoidance, county fair, town

Can we go?

5. The Archimedes bath-time principle

bath time, bubbles, clean up

Clean up the clean up.

6. Schrödinger's backpack

homework, school, responsibility

Homework... ehh.

7. The naptime disruption theorem

naps, doorbells, sleep deprivation

Who needs sleep. It’s rhetorical.

8. Calculation disintegration

math, education, calculator

I have a calculator on my phone.

9. Chuck e-conomics

economics, resources, toys

How much does that cost?

10. Plate tectonics

food, picky eaters, fussy eaters

Where’s the chicken tenders?

11. Silicaphobia

beach, sand, vacation

Oh good, sunburns.

12. Delusions of launder

laundry, chores, home utilities

When did we get all these clothes?

13. The Costco contradiction

Costco, name brands, comic

I want them now, not then.

Norine and Jessica's work struck a nerve with parents everywhere.

Norine said almost every parent who sees the cartoons has a similar reaction: a quiet moment of recognition, followed by a huge laugh as they recognize their own families in the illustrations.

But is there more to it than just getting a few chuckles? You bet, Norine and Jessica said.

"Even, at the worst possible moments, you're standing there, your child has just vomited all over you, or you've opened up the diaper and your kid is sitting waist deep in liquid ****. Even at that moment, it's not really that bad," Norine said. "You will be able to laugh at this at some point."

"It gets better. You're not alone in this parenting thing."


This article originally appeared on 11.30.16

Roland Pollard and his then 4-year-old daughter Jayden have been doing cheer and tumbling stunts together since Jayden could walk. When you see videos of their skills, the level of commitment is apparent—as is the supportive relationship this daddy has with his daughter.

Pollard, a former competitive cheerleader and cheer coach, told In The Know that he didn't expect Jayden to catch on to her flying skills at age 3, but she did. He said he never pressures her to perform stunts and that she enjoys it. And as a viral video of Jayden almost falling during a stunt shows, excelling at a skill requires good teaching—something Pollard appears to have mastered.


Twitter user Toya Rochelle shared a TikTok video of Pollard's in which Jayden makes a mistake on a move and falls. Pollard first checked to make sure she was okay. Then he matter-of-factly pointed out the mistake and explained the importance of listening to instructions, while also letting her know that he wasn't going to let her fall. "Daddy will always save you," he said.

Once she was calm and they'd talked through what happened, they tried again. This time, with success.

Another Twitter user pointed out that there was more video that followed this interaction, showing how sweet this dad-daughter duo's relationship really is. After a high-five and an "I'm so proud of you," Pollard asked if Jayden was ready to go get some ice cream, but she just wanted to go home and have some real food. Really, it's the little things in their exchange that are the sweetest. For instance, she accidentally kicks him when he puts her on his shoulders and says, "Sorry," and he instantly responds, "That's okay." So calm, so considerate. It's clear that there's no shortage of love, trust and security here.

Some watching the videos may feel that these kinds of cheer moves are too dangerous for a child. In an interview with E! News, Pollard explained that despite how the stunts may look to the public, he wouldn't let anything happen to Jayden.

"I believe that fear is a taught or learned trait and I've never given her a reason to be afraid," he said. "Any flyer I have trained knows that I will catch them if anything tragic goes wrong. She doesn't necessarily push me directly, but when I see she gets a skill down, I always try and make it harder. I love my daughter with all of my heart and would never put her at risk."

He also said he always tells her "Good job, mama!" after every stunt. "Before every stunt, I tell her I love her and give her a kiss for reassurance," he added. "We call it 'hardwood floor talk.'"


This article originally appeared on 8.7.20

Kids will surprise you in ways you never imagined.

Before having kids, we tend to form opinions about what we would and wouldn't do with our children. Phrases like "I will never" and "My kids will never" roll off the tongue so easily when there are no living, breathing human children involved, and we naturally imagine that our stellar parenting skills will prevent most or all of the issues that we see other parents dealing with.

Then we have kids and learn that the reality of parenting is quite different than our imaginations.

Parenting is humbling. Your kid may share your genes and have some of your features, but they are their own person with their own personality quirks, and you can't predict what your kid is actually going to be like beforehand. They also have free will, which makes most of our imagined parenting scenarios laughable post-kids.

In response to a prompt from X user @CartoonsHateHer, parents are sharing things they thought about parenting before they had kids that turned out to be completely wrong, and their responses are so relatable.


The nature vs. nurture question gets answered pretty quickly

"I way overestimated how much effect I or anybody else would have on them. Basically I thought it was 50/50 nature vs. nurture but now I'm convinced it's 90% nature & I'm just here to make sure I don't f up the the remaining 10%."

"I thought badly behaved kids were just a consequence of bad or lazy parenting. Some kids are really just more mischievous/loud/unsettled/antagonistic than others because of their personality and development. Like an aspect of it is just innate."

"Didn't have many parenting opinions before kids. But I think now that I have 3, my main parenting revelation is that each kid really does come out different and that a lot of what parents think is nurture is just nature."

"I thought that you had some input in how they turned out. From the start, they are their own person and they just show you who they are. You show them how the world works and try to help them figure out how they fit in it. But they are completely themselves when they arrive."

Overestimating what you'll be able to do

"Thought I could just work basically full time from home with a baby sleeping peacefully in a basket next to me. Lmao."

"I was like 'why are my friends with a baby scheduling outings around her naps? can't you just live your life and take the baby with you?' And the answer is NOT NECESSARILY! I mean it depends on the baby."

"I'll write a novel while the baby sleeps!"

"'I’m not gonna abandon my fitness centered lifestyle! I’m gonna be one of those pregnant women lifting heavy! I’m gonna take my baby on hikes during mat leave!' HAHAHAHAH good one, past self."

"I didn't anticipate the constant hell of keeping up with their laundry. Not something I was 'wrong' about, but something I was completely unprepared for."

"I would have so much downtime, I could sit in the room while she played and I could like read or crochet. JOKES ON ME."

Feeding them is more complicated than you'd think

"I’d be able to prevent my kids from becoming picky eaters. What a joke!"

"I used to believe if I cooked only 100% nutritious foods and didn’t allow them to eat processed foods I would create healthy, not-picky eaters. I ended up in tears frequently and my picky eater became an unleashed gremlin at birthday parties with delicious goldfish crackers."

"I used to think you could train kids not to be picky eaters. Then I had a kid with allergies, an autoimmune condition, and a lil neurodiversity. I was wrong. Still, she is trying to be food adventurous as a young adult, so maybe it worked in the loooong run."

"That breastfeeding was a natural, effortless process that would just work itself out, and that genuinely insufficient milk supply was rare/unlikely."

"Insufficient milk supply, poor latch, swallowing problems, tongue ties. It's a minefield of potential issues!"

So many judgments thrown out the window

"Thought parents who used harnesses on their kids were lazy. I don’t personally use them but kids can run off very quickly."

"I won't show them screens in restaurants to keep them quiet." Hah. Whatever."

"I thought I was going to be relaxed about a lot of stuff I'm not actually relaxed about."

"That I would indefinitely indulge their curiosity. It turns out that kids use questions to stall and procrastinate, and if you want to get anything else done, you eventually need to shut it down. 'No' is a complete sentence. 'Because I said so' is frequently valid!"

"I believed parents of the kids having tantrums didn't care about their child's behavior or how other people perceived what was happening. Now I silently cheer whenever I see parents refuse to give in, and just let the kid realize tantrums don't get you what you want in life."

"I thought that I was never going to give my kid an iPad, and that I'd have him toilet trained by 1 year old. Also remember telling my wife in an extremely smug voice that we shouldn't allow plastic toys in the house. What a prick."

"I looked at disgust at the house of young parents and believed mine would NEVER get that bad. And that I would never let my kids snack in the car."

"I’d see people barking at their kids in public and wonder, 'is it really so hard to be patient and speak kindly?' Reader, I have news."

On the positive side, some had wrong assumptions the other way

"This may be against the general tone of the answers, but I became a parent so young that I don't think I had time to develop a lot of self-righteous beliefs. I think my biggest wrong beliefs were that it was going to be harder and that I was going to be worse at it than I was."

"Honestly everyone told me you couldn't do anything or have any fun ever again if you had kids, which is not true (and not just because the baby is fun)"

"I thought I wouldn't have fun anymore. Turns out my life is more fun now."

"Maybe not what you're looking for but...I thought I would really miss the ability to go out and party any time I wanted. But I don't. In fact I feel like I spent too much time doing that and should have had a kid sooner."

Every parent's experience is different, of course, but one thing's for sure—having kids will surprise you in ways you never imagined.