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Motherhood

Mom shares the frustrating difference between stay-at-home and working parents

"It is interesting to notice how tied we are to corporate-style success."

via EclecticHomeSchooling/TikTok (used with permission)

Syd explains one of the most frustrating parts of being a stay-at-home-mom.

We all need a pat on the back every once in a while, someone to let us know we're doing a good job. There are many ways for people with careers to feel validated. You can get a raise, a promotion, a great review from your manager, or a professional award. You can also be someone respected in your profession and a mentor to younger people entering your field. These forms of validation help someone feel valuable and accomplished and are all tangible in some way. You can say, "I’m now the vice president of manufacturing," "I won the Excellence in Sales Award," or "I have a larger number on my paycheck."

Syd, a stay-at-home mom named @eclectichomeschooling on TikTok, shared that, unfortunately, moms who work in the home have a hard time finding that same feeling of validation.

stay-at-home mom, motherhood How do you measure success as a stay-at-home mom?Giphy

“Something that I think that a lot of people don’t realize about being a stay-at-home mom, whether you are a homeschool mom or your kids are young and you’re staying home with them during those years, is that there’s no measurement of success. There’s no metric,” she begins her video.

“There’s no one saying, ‘Congratulations, you have been promoted; you are the top of the top of this skill.’ None of that,” she continued. There is no award for an outstanding stay-at-home mom, and there is no manager to give her a review or promotion.

She says that being a good mother to her kids “feels good” and “makes us happy” but argues that it isn’t something you can “hold” or “write down.”

@eclectichomeschooling

It’s everyone’s favorite time of the month! Where I post insane, 3-5 minute, PMS ramblings about motherhood! Okay love you, bye! 😎


“We’re going on eight years of not being able to measure [success],” she continued. “I think that that’s a thing that nobody really talks about or that we don’t really get to talk about with each other. Your partner goes to work: they get promoted, they get raises, they complete their work for the day and they ... get to be like, ‘OK, I succeeded.’ But my [work] is just constant, all of the time, and there’s no metric for it.”

The dishes that Syd cleans will be dirty the next day. The laundry she folds on Monday will be worn on Tuesday and rewashed on Friday.

motherhood, homemaking, stay-at-home mom, laundry Work done in the home is never "done" and often goes unrecognized. Photo credit: Canva

Although Syd has yet to find a solution to this problem, she sees other ways to get the validation she craves. “It’s hard, especially because a lot of us don’t prioritize hobbies for ourselves. That’s a great place for us to find success or a feeling of accomplishment,” she said.

Syd’s video struck a chord with many stay-at-home mothers feeling the same way.

A commenter named Leigh noted that the need for external validation comes from the corporate culture in which Americans are raised. “On my best days, it is interesting to notice how tied we are to corporate-style success. On my worst, it is inescapably crushing,” she wrote in the most popular comment.

“It's the neverending loops that are never complete. We never get the satisfaction of a ‘job well done’ because nothing is ever really done,” Hazel added. “Once I started focusing on my own happiness, it got better.”

According to Love, the lack of praise for a job well done also means that it’s easy to be criticized. “When you’re doing everything right, there’s no praise, etc., but if you do anything wrong or are not perfect, then the issue gets thrown in your face in every way. So you end up feeling like a failure,” she wrote.

Syd told Upworthy that her followers have tried to help her recontextualize her feelings of worth. “Since the video, I’ve had a lot of conversations with moms about how we measure worth by being very wrapped up in productivity through a capitalist lens. It can be tough to divest from that, but it is also so important. Like, what’s a safe and secure childhood worth? Nothing technically, but also the entire world. We do that!” she told Upworthy.

motherhood, stay-at-home mom Validation comes in different ways for stay-at-home moms.Photo credit: Canva

She adds that a few of her followers suggested she should take up martial arts as a hobby. “I’m still pondering that one,” she told Upworthy.

Ultimately, Syd’s realization could have caused her to feel down about herself or resign to a never-ending feeling of being unfulfilled. However, she’s seen it as an opportunity to reevaluate her sense of self-worth and possibly as a reason to branch off into new and exciting hobbies outside her family.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

via ABC Action News
'It's never too late': 19-year-old who aged out of foster care adopted by her caseworker

Heartbreakingly, there are hundreds of thousands of kids in the United States in foster care and a severe shortage of willing and capable families willing to permanently adopt them. The situation might even seem hopeless for young kids as they start to get older and become less "desirable" to adopt. But it's never too late to find your family. That's the heartwarming message being shared by Leah Paskalides and the daughter she adopted in 2021, then-19-year-old Monyay.

But this is no ordinary adoption story.

At the age of 11, Monyay was placed into a foster care group home. The pain of having to go through life without a family was always difficult, but it hit hard in her senior year of school. "My senior year is when I went through one of those, 'I don't want to do it anymore, I'm done,'" she told ABC News.

Monyay finished school a year early and took the extra time to focus on volunteering with foster children like her. But she faced a tough road ahead, as she was about to turn 18 and officially age out of the system.

According to the Children's Home Society of Minnesota, the 23,000 children who age out of foster care every year without families face many challenges. There are very few support systems in place for these now-adults. Without the watchful eye and help of their foster family and case workers, only 3% earn a college degree, half will develop a substance abuse problem, 60% of boys are convicted of crimes, and 70% of girls become pregnant before the age of 21.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

After Monyay turned 18, it looked like she would have to enter the real world as an adult without any support. But then her caseworker and mentor from the Safe Children Coalition stepped up.

Leah had always wanted to adopt Monyay but it was a conflict of interest with her work.

"She always said, 'I wish you could adopt me, wish you could adopt me,' and I couldn't because of the job and then I was watching a documentary where the person had been adopted as an adult, and I had never really heard of it," Leah said.

So she decided to adopt Monyay as her adult daughter. "It was important to me that she knew that she was wanted by somebody, that somebody loved her," Leah told Fox 13. "I could say that as many times as I want, but actions speak louder than words."

On Tuesday, April 27, 2021, a judge signed the paperwork making the adoption official.

"Being told 'no' so many times, to hear that 'yes' and to hear them pronounce her as my mom, it's something that's like, oh my gosh, this is for real," Monyay told Fox 13.

As part of the adoption proceedings, the question lingered as to what last name Monyay would like. When the 18-year-old announced it would be "Paskiledes," both mom and new-daughter began sobbing.

adoption, foster care, adoption stories, orphans, foster parents, adoptees, family, kids, children, adults, moms, motherhood Something about adult adoptions really has us crying like this. Giphy

"I would have adopted her six years ago, it was held back emotions that just came out," Leah told People.

The pair's story captured hearts all over the world when news and other media began sharing their tale.


- YouTube www.youtube.com

"A family is made of love. Love knows NO color or age. Congratulations," a YouTube commenter wrote.

"This will bring so much healing to the young lady. There's something about being wanted and knowing that someone wants you and loves you exactly as you are. That's what our parents are supposed to give us before we learn to give it to ourselves," added another.

The funny thing is the two didn't hit it off at first. Years ago, when Leah was first assigned her case, Monyay didn't like her. "She told me what she was going to be doing and helping me out with my case, and I didn't like her; she'll tell you that," said Monyay.

But over the past nine years, the two forged an unbreakable bond.

"She was very motivated and had aspirations for a future, and so I knew she just needed support," Leah said. "She was always a kid that did not deserve to go through life without a support system of a family."

This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.


@ironmanmamma/TikTok

Every parent has experienced some version of this

It’s a top-tier parenting nightmare: accidentally putting your phone on silent before bed and waking up to a ton of rapid-fire missed calls from your child. Of course, your brain goes over every worst-case scenario, your heart skips a beat, the panic sets in…and then…BAM! Turns out, it was the complete opposite of an emergency. All those gray hairs for nothing.

This was the situation that mom Meredith Thornton found herself in after waking up to a slew of back-to-back missed calls from her 18-year-old son Van, made in the wee hours right after he was supposed to have gotten off from work.

Thornton told Today that she normally keeps her phone with full volume next to her at night so that her kids would “know I'm always available.” She added that her family had faced “legit emergencies” in the past, so the thought of her grown kiddos being on their own on the road at night still made her uneasy.

So, understandably, when she woke up to those missed calls, she thought for sure a “car wreck, or a mental health issue” had occurred, and she “nearly had a heart attack.”

But as we see in the next slide of her TikTok, the “emergency” in question was Van needing a Microsoft code…which had apparently been sent to her email. Phew.

@ironmanmamma

I legit almost had a heart attack especially since I slept through the calls. #adultkids #adultchildren #genx #microsoft #momsoftiktok


Thornton told Today that she suspected other parents might relate to this anxiety-inducing moment, hence why she posted it. Boy was she correct. Over three million people have viewed the clip so far, and countless parents have shared similarly harrowing scares.

"Girl!! 11 messages from my son asking about Roblox code and I’m thinking he been kidnapped.”

“It’s always an emergency when they need the code.”

"I was legitimately on a stage speaking to over 300 people. I keep my phone on silent, but I use it to know the time. My son called eleven times in a row. I apologized to the audience and turned my mic off and took the call. 'Can I spend 7 dollars on roblox.' Thank God it was all teachers."

"What about the text messages that just say….MOM followed by absolutely nothing else."

"Ooooh I get those. Heart attack city."

"This happened to me last weekend. And my kids were calling because A BEAR WAS OUTSIDE THEIR TENT."

Others could also feel young Van’s dilemma. One viewer quipped, “I mean, those codes are only good for 12 minutes.”

Even the official Microsoft account chimed in, writing, “No bc we get it 🥀”

For parents who want to avoid these snafus in the future, here’s a pretty simple hack: go to your kiddo’s contact info, then select Ringtone or Text Tone. Finally, turn on the Emergency Bypass toggle for the desired contact and notification type (call or text). And voilá, whether on silent or in Do Not Disturb mode, you won’t miss the call…be it for actual emergencies, or passcode requests.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Still, we really feel for your plight, Thornton. Hopefully, you can still get a good night’s sleep after this!