You can read all the books, listen to all the advice, join all the FB groups, and still, you won’t be fully prepared for every parenting curve ball that comes your way. During these times of, let’s face it, desperation, parents might get a little creative. Perhaps a little white lie here, and gamification of something there, whatever does the trick.
Recently a mom named Michaela Estrada, who had two boys under the age of four and hoped to have more kids in the future, asked fellow moms to share their “most unhinged” hacks.
She further clarified her request, writing, “I’m not talking about letting them run around naked and unashamed in the backyard. I need the craziest hacks of the 21st century.”
Millions of views later, folks delivered. Big time. And boy are they a fun read, whether you’re a parent or not. As one viewer said, “do I have a kid? No. did I read all of these comments? Yes.”
Here are some of our faves:
“We did Cinderella Sundays. We cleaned all morning, then they wore their princess dresses to our fancy candle-lit dinner, followed by a dance party ‘ball.’”
“I use a kabuki brush to put sunscreen on my son while saying ‘tickle tickle’ over and over again. It’s the only way he’ll stay still for a minute for me to make sure he’s covered.”
“Whenever it’s bed time and they are still stuck to Netflix or similar, I change the language to Greek or polish and tell them they don’t understand cause they are too tired and it’s bed time!”
“My mom hid all my dolls and stuffed animals and said they ran away ’cause my room was dirty. They sent a ‘postcard’ from another kid’s clean room. When I cleaned [my room] they returned.”
“My mom used to tell us she was allergic to loud noises, so when she was overstimulated, she would say she was having an allergic reaction. [It] worked until a doctor asked me if any allergies ran in the family.”
“Our parents told us that whining was illegal in Cape Cod (where we vacationed in the early 2000s), and when we’d hear sirens [it meant] ‘someone must have been whining.’ We believed them for YEARSSS!”
“Potty room for potty words! My 3-year-old will excuse himself to the bathroom to ‘curse’ and we’ll hear him going ‘dang it,’ ‘what the heck,’ ‘Imma beat up all the strangers,’ and it has us DYING!”
“Told the kids that Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy had to follow OSHA standards for workplace safety. They wouldn’t come if their room was a mess with tripping hazards.”
“Gave my daughter a bag and told her to ‘go shopping’ for toys at our house. Five minutes later, she had picked up everything off the floor and put it in her bag.”
“My mom told me and my brothers if we hid from her in the clothing racks at stores the employees would take us and turn us into mannequins.”
“We have pet fish, and I told my kids they are Santa’s secret spies all year long to make sure they are behaving. When they get crazy, I whisper, ‘The fish are watching.’ They love and fear the spy fish.”
“Who wants to guess what mommy is going to get you for your birthday?! Then I go buy that. Same with Santa.”
“My daughter fights sleep like a Roman gladiator because she has chronic FOMO (fear of missing out), so we brainstorm something fun to do in our dreams together so she ends up in a hurry to meet dinosaurs together or something.”
“When my daughter was little, she wanted to say swear words. We told her swear words are for adults but she could make up her own for kids. She chose ‘Stewart.’ ‘This traffic is a real Stewart.’”
“I told my kids that the ice cream man plays music to let everyone know he’s sorry, but he’s out of ice cream and hopes we enjoy the music and to try again tomorrow.”
“When my mom folded laundry she dumped all the socks on the floor and sat us down around them. Whoever got the most pairs won. We had so much fun and she didn’t have to sort them.”
“I tell them their tongue is constantly growing new taste buds so they should keep trying new food even if they didn’t like them last time. Is this true? Idk, my dad told me the same thing.”
“Make your child a Gmail account with their name before it gets taken. Then send them photos, videos, messages, etc. throughout their life so they have a digital journal of their childhood.”
“We told my son broccoli, zucchini and Brussels sprouts grows muscles, and we do an arm muscle check after he eats. He gets so excited that he eats it all. We ‘oooh and ahhh,’ and he just giggles.”
“My kid HATES teethbrushing but likes blowing out candles, so we brush teeth by candlelight then let her blow them out.”
“When my friend’s teens acted up, instead of grounding them, she would ground herself. For example, ‘I’m sorry, I would love to drive you to the mall, but unfortunately I’m grounded.’”
“Ever since my daughter was little I’d give her an imaginary chill pill to eat when she was acting crazy. She’s eight and still ‘takes them’ to calm down.”
“My kid’s preferred method of washing the soap from his hair is if we pretend to waterboard him while screaming, ‘Where’s the muffin man?’ He used to freak before my husband started doing this.”
“If they want to tattle I tell them I can’t hear another tattle and that our dog Archie will listen to the tattle and report it back to me. So they go lay it all out to the dog.”
“When my daughter gets her burst of energy late at night, I turn on kids’ exercise videos on YouTube, and since she does them, it tires her out enough that she knocks out right after.”
“Speed bumps and oil spots in parking lots are kids that got ran over, because they didn’t hold their parents’ hand.”
“Not unhinged, but literally the best thing I ever did was make myself understand that it’s their first time here. They are still learning how to do the things I find easy.”
“My mom pulled us out of school individually on different days without telling us when and would surprise us with lunch at Olive Garden. She’d then ask us really personal questions to gauge how we were doing.”
“Making a ‘kids charcuterie board’ by putting mostly healthy options on it — you’d be surprised how much they eat and test out new and healthy foods.”
“I used to buy scary masks and put them in the cupboards that I didn’t want them to get into when they inevitably broke the child lock. They don’t even open them now, lol.”
“Let them help cook! My twins are autistic and were such picky eaters because of the textures. Once I started letting them cook with me, they started eating a lot more and wanting to try new foods!”
“Every time my kids cried, I told them to drink water because their tears would run out. They drink the water, and then they stop crying, also, when they don’t listen to you, they start to whisper.”
“My kids don’t get in trouble if they’re honest. No punishment if you fess up to doing the wrong thing. We’ll talk about it, but no punishment. They make the right choices 99% of the time. When they make mistakes, they call me when they’re uncomfortable with situations their friends are trying to get them in, etc. It’s been life-changing. No sneaky kids.”
“I taught my kids that the TV needs to charge so when they’re done screen time. I just say, ‘Okay guys, the TV needs to charge now,’ and it goes off. They fully believe the TV charges.”
“As toddlers, when you put them to bed, give them three tickets. They can use the tickets for water, the bathroom, or a question. After the tickets are gone, that’s it.”
“Every Oct/Nov/Dec I change their dad’s name in my phone to Santa Clause that way, they see it on my screen or in the car (they read the screen in the car a lot) they think it’s Santa checking in.”
And lastly:
“Bedtime hack: ask your kids what they want to have as a bedtime story about, and have ChatGPT make it. Bonus, add their names to include them in the story!”
