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How to stop waking up each night at 3 or 4 in the morning

The good news is that there are ways to get back to sleep and stop the downward anxiety spiral.

via Polina Kovaleva/Pexels

A woman with her eye mask on in bed.

Do you often wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. with an intense feeling of anxiety? Do you get stressed that you’re awake and begin making a mental laundry list of everything you need to do the next day? Do you start thinking about fights you once had with your spouse or ponder how you have let yourself down in the past?

If so, you’re not alone. It’s common for people to wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. regularly and there’s a reason why we choose this time to catastrophize and worry. The good news is that there are some steps we can take to get through that awkward phase of the night so we can wake up refreshed.

Why do I wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. every night?

Many of us reliably wake up in the middle of the night because after we’ve had a good chunk of sleep, our bodies start to slowly prepare us for the day by reducing melatonin, the hormone that puts us to sleep and increasing levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

That biological phase of sleep is why we start to feel stressed.



insomnia, sleep, sleep hacks, how to sleep better, melatonin, stress A woman struggles with insomniaImage via Canva


After the big hormone release at 3 or 4 in the morning, if you are dealing with stress in your life, you are more likely to wake up. If your life is calmer and you don’t already have a stress baseline, you will probably wake up, fall asleep quickly and forget that it happened.

Why do I wake up feeling stressed in the middle of the night?

If you’re already experiencing stress in your life, that extra cortisol kick is going to cause you to wake up with a feeling of anxiety. The problem is that when we’re lying in bed in the middle of the night, we are in a vulnerable position. “Around this time in the sleep cycle, we’re at our lowest ebb physically and cognitively. From nature’s viewpoint, this is meant to be a time of physical and emotional recovery, so it’s understandable that our internal resources are low,” Greg Murray, a psychology researcher with expertise in mood, sleep, and the circadian system, writes in The Conversation.

“But we also lack other resources in the middle of the night – social connections, cultural assets, all the coping skills of an adult are unavailable at this time,” Murray continues. “With none of our human skills and capital, we are left alone in the dark with our thoughts. So the mind is partly right when it concludes the problems it’s generated are unsolvable – at 3 a.m., most problems literally would be.”


insomnia, sleep, sleep hacks, melatonin, stress, anxiety A woman struggles with insomniaImage via Canva

At this moment, when we’re stressed and feeling vulnerable, stuck in bed with no way out, we can begin to spiral. This is when we ruminate on why we forgot to feed the dog that one day in 1994 or contemplate why things went bad with your first significant other at 21. It’s when we start recalling a disagreement with a friend and plotting out what we’ll say the next time the issue arises.

At this point, if we don’t stop spiraling, we’ll be up until 5 a.m. and will feel like garbage when it’s time to go to work.

The good news is that there are ways to get back to sleep and stop the downward anxiety spiral.

Make a list

Dr. Jade Wu says that if you wake up and feel stressed about things you need to take care of, walk out of your room (so you don’t associate it with stressors) and make a list to read in the morning. This will free you of your worries, because you know you can care for them when you are awake.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Pay attention to your breath

Murray says you should redirect your attention from your thoughts to your breath, which is a form of meditation. “I bring my attention to my senses, specifically the sound of my breath. When I notice thoughts arising, I gently bring my attention back to the sound of breathing,” Murray writes in The Conversation. This works in 2 ways: first, it takes your attention away from your spiraling thoughts and second, the breathing exercise helps you relax.


Have a bite to eat

Sometimes, we wake up in the middle of the night because we’re hungry and our blood sugar is dropping. “The first question I ask [my patients] is, ‘When was the last time you ate?’” Michael Breus, Ph.D. psychologist specializing in sleep disorders, told Sleep.com. “Often, they’ve finished their last meal at 7 p.m.; now it’s 3 in the morning — that’s eight hours later — so guess what? They’re out of fuel.” If you’ve woken up because of a drop in blood sugar, experts recommend eating a small snack that includes protein and fat, like peanut butter.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Mom shares brilliant bedtime 'worry wash' ritual that stopped her daughter's meltdowns

"Bedtimes have gone from 45-minute tearful ordeals to 15-minute snuggles and stories."

Photo by Ben Griffiths on Unsplash

Mom reads daughter a bedtime story.

Bedtime can be one of the most dreaded parts of parenting. Long and drawn out with excuse after excuse to do anything but sleep, putting kids to bed is no easy feat.

But one mom shared her brilliant bedtime hack for getting her five-year-old daughter to bed in no time called a "worry wash." In a Reddit parenting community, MonaMagic2006 explained how it transformed their nighttime routine.

"My youngest (5) would have massive pre-sleep meltdowns about monsters, school worries, or whatever her busy little mind latched onto," she wrote. "Three weeks ago, my husband and I started the 'worry wash' - she draws her worries on water-soluble paper, then takes them to the bathroom sink, says goodbye, and watches them dissolve under running tap water."

worry wash, coloring, child anxiety, bedtime trick, bedtime routineMeme Reaction GIFGiphy

According to her, it has completely changed bedtime with unexpected benefits. "The transformation has been brilliant. Bedtimes have gone from 45-minute tearful ordeals to 15-minute snuggles and stories. She's sleeping through more consistently too!" she added.

Many parents loved the idea:

"This is legendary parenting stuff. Kudos!" one parent commented.

Another added, "This is awesome!!"

Another shared, "I absolutely love the idea of the "worry wash"! It’s such a creative and tangible way to help your child let go of their anxieties before bed. It’s amazing how something so simple can transform bedtime so quickly."

sleep, bedtime, kid bedtime, go to sleep, bedtime routineTired Good Night GIF by Pudgy PenguinsGiphy

After explaining the ritual, she offered a prompt to other parents: "Has anyone tried something similar? What bedtime rituals have worked wonders in your homes?" And they delivered their best bedtime ritual hacks:

"One tip someone gave me that I love is that if you have to stop them doing something, say bye bye to it. Bye bye playground. Bye bye bluey. They copy you and are much happier letting go." BikeProblemGuy

"We started the '5 good things to think about at bedtime.' We started it when our little worrier was little and still do it from time to time when he is older. Basically, if we went on the worry train at bedtime, we would think about 5 things we were looking forward to. Simple, but really worked for our guy." FuzzyWuzzy44

"We mixed up Monster Spray aka water and eucalyptus oil to spray the outside doors so the monsters wouldn't come in." lulabell1295

monster, scary, bed monster, monsters inc, scaredMonsters Inc Disney GIF by filmeditorGiphy

"We got fairy lights to string up on the wall, and a really beautiful picture of fairies and trolls and magical critters in a garden. I told my little one that when everyone is fast asleep, the magic critters all come out of the garden and follow the fairy lights to sprinkle sweet, magical dreams. Every night we read a story about magic because it makes fairies happy, and then they come and sprinkle sweet dreams that, magically, are almost identical to the book we read together!" DgShwgirl

"We use a worry box. It's an invisible box under their beds. I unlock it and open it, and they grab all their worries, etc. out of their heads and put them in the box. Then I close the box, lock it, and let them know if they need their worries, they can get them out in the morning." abcedarian

"We have a little song that I sing whenever either of my kids are worried about nightmares, and while I sing it I pretend to throw their bad dreams away and drop in good dreams. Works like a charm." Final-Quail5857

sleep, sleepy, good night, kids sleep, bedtimeSleepy Good Night GIF by Super SimpleGiphy

"We started a doing an 8 minute children’s guided meditation on YouTube as family before bedtime. It has been so helpful for our anxious autistic 8 year old boy. Here is the link if anyone wants it: 8 minutes kids meditation." swiss_baby_questions

"My little one has a similar ritual where we talk about our “happy thoughts” before bed—she names three things that made her smile that day. It’s become her way of reflecting on the good and calming her mind. It sounds like your ritual is working wonders for your daughter, and I’m sure it’s bringing peace to both of you at bedtime. Thanks for sharing this idea—I might try it out! 😊" Ok-University309

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29-year-old moves to UK and is baffled when her boyfriend hides his pajamas under a pillow

"British people: please confirm if I need to send for help"

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An American woman was so confused when she discovered her boyfriend 'hiding' his PJs somewhere strange.

When 29-year-old Cameron moved to London in 2024, she was expecting a bit of culture shock coming from New York City. Though she was used to living in a big city, she knew there were certain things they did differently in the UK, and she expected it would take her time to pick up on all of them.

She had to learn British slang, adapt to their style of greetings and humor, develop a taste for their food, and learn how to properly order a Guinness. Somewhere in all of that excitement, she met a man and fell in love.

When Cameron moved in with her boyfriend, Laurence, she noticed something peculiar about his pajamas: Every night, he'd hide them under his pillow before bed. Was he a serial killer, she wondered, or just British? While making the bed one day, Cameron found a pair of shorts, aka jammies aka pyjamas aka jimjams, tucked behind one of her boyfriend's pillows.

pajamas, pyjamas, sleep, sleep habits, sleep routine, british culture, american culture, culture shock, viral videos, tiktokOne solution: The Bananas never took their Pajamas off.Giphy

Cameron took to TikTok to find out if this was a cultural thing or if she should be concerned about Laurence's strange behavior.

"Can someone please tell me what this is about? I just moved in with my British boyfriend and he does this every morning and I just wanna know why, and if it's actually a thing with other people," she says. She then whips the camera around to show a (rather adorable) pair of pajamas neatly folded and discretely hidden away behind one of the pillows on the bed.

"British people: please confirm Y/N if I need to send for help. Why does he do this??" Cameron captioned the video.

@camabroad

British people: please confirm Y/N if I need to send for help. Why does he do this??

The Brits responded to the call, and came out in full force of the pyjama-hiding boyfriend.

Here are just some of the comments:

"As a British person I can tell you this is ingrained in us from literal birth"

"Where else do you put your pyjamas?"

"Hi! I’m from Spain, I think that’s an European thing, here we do it too"

"I think it’s an European thing as I’m French and used to do this as a child"

"Too clean to put in the laundry, not clean enough to put back in the dresser so we put them under the pillow to wear them again that night."

"Royal inspectors visit 1000s of houses across the U.K. every day and if your pyjamas aren’t under your pillow and your crumpets aren’t in your crumpet bucket you have to give a shilling to the king."

Pajamas under the pillow is normal not just in the UK but all over Europe. It seems to come from a cultural expectation that pajamas don't need to be washed after every use. As a parent who's absolutely drowning in two kids' laundry every day, I totally respect this idea! Maybe we'll even steal it for my household. It's practical and even kind of fun.

Though Americans and Brits speak mostly the same language, and we both need to sleep, our bedtime routines can be drastically different.

Mattress sizes are different in the UK and America, for example. As you'd probably expect, the UK doesn't have anything quite as big as the popular King size—though the British Super King is close.

Americans also religiously drink coffee first thing in the morning whereas many Brits like to wait for mid-morning, if they drink coffee at all. For now, tea still reins supreme.

We Americans are big on white noise while we sleep to drown out distractions and sometimes even our own thoughts. About 52% of Americans use music or white noise to sleep compared with just a quarter of folks in the UK.

Brits also commonly use a hot water bottle to keep the bed warm at night during the winter, something that's completely foreign to Americans. This is partly because of another big difference in how UK and US-ers sleep. In the US, we tend to use a top sheet under our cover or duvet which provides extra insulation and keeps things warmer.

Finally, about a quarter of Americans use melatonin regularly to fall asleep. In the UK, you can only get melatonin with a prescription!

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Our sleep rituals are so personal to us and so vitally important in how we live our lives. You can imagine how jarring it might be to go to another country and discover that you, with your white noise and melatonin and your fresh jammies every night, are the weird one!

TikTok viewers got a kick out of Cameron's discovery, and it's always fun to playfully and respectfully discuss our cultural differences. There's always more to learn!

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'Hack expert' explains why he can tell your personality by which side of the bed you sleep on

“People who sleep on the right side of the bed earn more money."

via jordan_the-stallion8 and Gary Barnes/Pexels

A couple sleeping and Jordan Howlett sharing sleep facts.

Jordan Howlett recently blew people’s minds with a TikTok video explaining why you can learn a lot about a person based on the side of the bed they prefer. Jordan is a popular creator, who some know as the "Maor of TikTok" with nearly 11 million followers who shares candid monologues, reactions, stories, life hacks, and intriguing fast food secrets.

His video was a response to TikTok users Angelina & Skyler, who confessed they don’t usually pick a side of the bed which sounded strange to a lot of their followers. (FYI: Your side is determined from the perspective of lying in bed. For example, sleeping on the left side means that your partner would sleep to your right.) Howlett responded to their video by explaining why the side you choose is so important. “Psychologically speaking, humans will pick a side of the bed due to attitude towards work, personality, and income,” he says.

@jordan_the_stallion8

#stitch with @Angelina & Skyler || DIY 💚 #fypシ

“People who sleep on the left side of the bed psychologically have a more positive outlook on life, they can deal with heavy workloads, they’re not easily phased by stressful days, and they’re calmer in a crisis than their counterpart,” he continues. “And they’re more confident.”

“People who sleep on the right side of the bed earn more money, have a less positive outlook on life, but are more prepared for worst-case scenarios than their counterparts,” Jordan said. Jordan ends his video with a final fact: “Also, people who are claustrophobic naturally choose to sleep near the wall.”


sleep, sleep side, sleep hacks, right side sleeper, left side sleeper, personality testA couple sharing a bed.via Canva/Photos

The post caused some confusion with those who were neither left- nor right-side sleepers. "I sleep in the middle of my bed. In a nest of pillows with silk pillowcases. No sharing," Cricket wrote in the comments. "I sleep in the middle of my bed. Just saying. What now?" Sir Comment added. "And people who sleep in the middle of the bed have been single for too long," SMO joked.

Although Howlett didn’t cite any specific data, his points are perfectly aligned with current research on the topic. It appears he may have taken his facts from sleep expert Hope Bastine. Recently, Bastine told Cosmopolitan that folks who sleep on the left side are more optimistic than their grumpier, right-side counterparts. She also shed some light on the old saying "woke up on the wrong side of the bed." "If we sleep on a side that’s different to usual, we might not sleep as well (after all, we're creatures of habit). And of course, sleeping badly is a surefire way to make us feel grumpy," she said.

sleep, sleep side, sleep hacks, right side sleeper, left side sleeper, personality testA couple sharing a bed.via Canva/Photos

"According to research, people who sleep on the left are likely to be more cheerful than their right-side counterparts," Bastine said. "A positive outlook allows lefties to be more capable at dealing with a heavy workload, which means they’re not as easily fazed by a stressful day. Those who sleep on the left believe they are calmer than their partner in a crisis and are more confident in general."

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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