"Love can make a sacrament of everything you do.”
As the saying goes, the heart wants what it wants.
On Jan 2, BBC News shared the most unlikely love story—between a nun and a priest whose instant connection inspired them to leave behind celibacy and instead spend the rest of their lives together.
Lisa Tinkler became a nun at the age of 19, moving from her hometown in Middlesbrough, England, to serve a Roman Catholic convent in Lancashire as Sister Mary Elizabeth.
For 24 years, Sister Mary Elizabeth lived the life of a carmelite nun, meaning most of her time was spent in silent devotion and in a small enclosure with a barred window known as a “grille.” There, she was mostly closed off from the outside world, only seeing her family a few times a year and always from behind the grille.
Though the hermit lifestyle deeply fulfilled Sister Mary Elizabeth’s “interior world,” a chance encounter would turn it all upside down in such a way that even the least religious among us might call it divine intervention.
On what seemed like any other ordinary day, Sister Mary Elizabeth’s convent had been paid a visit by friar Robert, hailing from a priory in Oxford. Robert would occasionally stop by to say mass, where she would watch his sermons from behind the grille.
Sister Mary Elizabeth and her superior were tasked with providing lunch to the friar, but when the prioress had to take a phone call, the two were in the parlor room together.
Robert was finished eating and still the prioress hadn’t returned. So Sister Mary Elizabeth opened the door to let him out. When she brushed up against his sleeve, all bets were off.
"I just felt a chemistry there, something, and I was a bit embarrassed. And I thought, gosh, did he feel that too. And as I let him out the door it was quite awkward,” she told the BBC.
Lisa Tinkler, formerly known as Sister Mary Elizabeth.
It seems that the feeling was indeed mutual—for only a week later, she received a message from Robert asking her to marry him.
Though elated, Sister Mary Elizabeth admitted she found the proposal shocking, as the two knew so little about each other. She had at least caught snippets of Robert’s life through his sermons, like growing up in Poland near the German border and his love of mountains.
Robert, on the other hand, knew nothing about her. “I wore a veil so he never even saw my hair color. He knew nothing about me really, nothing about my upbringing. He didn't even know my worldly name," she recalled.
Unsure of what to do, Sister Mary Elizabeth reached out to her superior, who was … perhaps less than supportive, causing her to walk away from the convent for good and choose instead to go meet Robert at a pub that evening.
"The prioress was a little bit snappy with me, so I put my pants and a toothbrush in a bag and I walked out, and I never went back as Sister Mary Elizabeth," the former nun, now Lisa, told the BBC.
Friar Robert.
The decision wasn’t an easy one. Becoming a nun had felt like a divine calling for Lisa, and leaving it all behind created inner turmoil. She even admitted having momentary suicidal thoughts.
Robert, who had been a Carmelite friar for 13 years, was having his own existential dilemma. Theology gave his life meaning after a dark period brought on by a former failed relationship. So when Lisa showed up at the pub that night, he was “paralyzed by fear.” Not for questioning his feelings for her, or for guilt over turning away from friendship, but because he was unsure of how to make such a huge life change.
Still, the couple courageously moved forward and eventually got married. The two left behind their former monastic lives in November 2015 and now share a home in North Yorkshire. Robert works as the vicar of their local church and Lisa became a hospital chaplain. Sharing books—and a few cries together—helped them ease through the transition.
Though Robert and Lisa anticipated their love would in some way change a core part of their identity, it has instead strengthened their faith. As Lisa put it, they discovered that “love can make a sacrament of everything you do.”
Love shows up when we least expect it.
Even if you're not the religious type, it’s hard to deny that love seems to have a mind of its own, moving us to do things that we otherwise would never dream of. While Robert and Lisa’s story is quite unique, great things can happen to all of us when we follow our hearts.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.