upworthy

anxiety

Mental Health

I thought I was weird for talking to myself. Science says it might be a secret superpower.

Self-talk has been shown to help elite athletes stay focused and play their best.

Canva

A woman talks to herself on her couch.

Ever since I can remember, I've had conversations with myself…out loud. Not always at top volume. Perhaps, at times, in a whisper. But definitely not just an inner monologue. Usually, I don't even realize I'm doing it until a good five minutes in. Sometimes it's an argument with a friend, but there are times it's just basic chitchat with a person who's very famous.

It will go something like this: "Oh, thanks for asking, Oprah. My favorite sweater this season is the Dior cashmere. In fact, all of you get one under your seats!" Sometimes, I'm on a political talk show: "And another thing about Keynesian economics," I'll argue with…could be anyone. Tucker Carlson. Anderson Cooper. Rachel Maddow.

Oprah, Oprah Winfrey, self talk, talk show, gif Oprah Winfrey is very excited. Giphy

Maybe the most interesting part? I get so lost in these moments, my body reacts to them as though they're really happening. If I'm fighting with an invisible person, I feel rage. If someone, like let's say Ewan McGregor, is proposing marriage, I feel glee.

I've always assumed this to be odd behavior, to say the least. But it turns out, according to research, it is quite common and can actually even be healthy. In the article "The Surprising Benefits of Talking Out Loud to Yourself" by health and wellness editor for Time Magazine, Angela Haupt, psychology professor Gary Lupyan is cited, saying, "Talking out loud to yourself is perfectly normal—and even beneficial. It can facilitate problem-solving and improve how well you perform at a task."

Haupt also notes that talking out loud can be a big motivator. In sharing another study which researched the effect self-talk had on basketball players, she discusses how it can keep a person "focused, especially in a situation that requires lots of different steps."

But for me, it hasn't been about motivation. It's more the idea of self-regulating when I feel anxious, which is often. The article shares the ideas of psychology professor Thomas Brinthaupt, writing, "Studies have found that when you’re anxious or experiencing, for example, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, you’re much more likely to talk to yourself. Upsetting or disturbing experiences make people want to resolve or understand them—and self-talk is a tool that helps them do so."

I don't just do it when I'm stressed. On the contrary, it's often as if there's a storybook I've written in my head and I'm merely reading it out loud. (Like accepting someone's dazzling marriage proposal or nailing "Purple Rain" at karaoke.) Some could argue that this is a form of dissociation—and that's true. But for me, sometimes, that "other world" is where I'd prefer to be.

@thecarlinfamily

Should we call Hollywood?!😂 #fyp #funny #cutetoddler #viral #trending #foryou #comedy #happy #4u #foryoupage #trend

It's quite the popular topic on Reddit. On the thread, "Talking to yourself out loud," the OP writes, "I live alone and talking to myself out loud is helpful to clear my thoughts and slow my thinking down. It helps me ‘get my feelings out’ too—a bit like journaling or writing them down. Do you talk to yourself? About what? When? Curious to learn how many people do this, or on the other side—find it strange. Like, does anyone living alone not do this?"

There are hundreds of comments from those who do the same thing. One suggests, "I do this as a form of self-therapy. I record and talk for an hour without realizing. One of my greatest coping mechanisms."

This person does exactly what I do: "Always. I also have fake conversations with people in my life and celebrities. It’s super cathartic. I also work from home—so I have a fairly isolated life. There have been a few times I started talking out loud to myself when I have had people at my home or at the grocery store."

Comedian Jeff Scheen jokes about talking out loud. www.youtube.com, Jeff Scheen

In the subreddit r/ADHD, some even identify this behavior as a symptom. As someone who was recently diagnosed (as many of us have been) with ADHD, I found this extra fascinating. Here, the original poster writes in part, "One thing I've done is talked to myself. A lot. I'm not talking about just saying 'Whoops, dropped my keys.' I have full, extended conversations with myself, discussing the intricacies of an idea. I'll often pace through the house, talking to myself about an idea I have for a book, or acting out an interview like I was a famous actor, or explaining to an invisible friend what ADHD is."

Quite interestingly, they continue, "The closest term I've found is "maladaptive daydreaming.' It definitely gets in the way of things I'm doing, and it's never the same thing every time. I'd just, for example, see a picture of a musician I look up to and start vocally daydreaming about being a famous musician. It never gets to the point where they become delusions that I believe are true, but it does consume an awful lot of my time."

Again, many comment that they too experience this and that it's a healthy form of regulation and self-therapy. Others back up the notion that, indeed, it can be "an ADHD thing."

"YES! IT IS AN ADHD THING! Here's Russell Barkley talking about the five executive deficits that people with ADHD have, and internal self-talk is one of them."

Russell Barkley speaks about ADHD symptoms. www.youtube.com, ADHD videos

Whether it is ADHD, anxiety, or just a wild imagination, it's nice to learn that having full conversations with no one is perfectly normal. Hearing other people's stories makes me feel seen...or I guess in this case—heard.

From Your Site Articles
self care
Mental HealthHealth
Pop Culture

'Just keep looking at it'. Tom Cruise's advice for overcoming social anxiety is actually spot on.

His advice helped his Mission impossible co-star Haley Atwell through some tough times.

Fandom.com

A still from 'Mission Impossible: Final Reckoning."

Not only can Tom Cruise do his own stunts, he's pretty good at giving pep talks too. At least, according to his Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One co-star, Haley Atwell. While promoting the film earlier this year on the Reign with Josh Smith, Atwell revealed that she, like so many of us, struggles with social anxiety, which often overwhelms her and makes her want to retreat.

But she was saved by incredibly insightful advice from Tom Cruise, which she imparts to the audience. After describing him as a positive "hair dryer" just blowing his positive energy around, Josh asks, "What's the best pep talk he's given you?" Haley answers, "Social anxiety tends to be something that people talk about a lot at the moment. It seems to be quite a buzzword of conversation."

They both agree that everyone has some version of anxiety, whether it's in a big group of people, a new work environment, or even just around a small group of friends. She confesses, "For me, I start to retreat into myself and overthink. 'Do I look weird? Do I seem awkward?' I'm not speaking, I'm just muffling my words or I need something to numb me from this.'"

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Luckily, Cruise has quite a simple way to combat these feelings. "The pep talk he gave me helps, which is that if you walk into a room and feel the anxieties coming, try doing the opposite. Try to look OUT and look around the room and go, 'Where is it? Where is the thing I have attached to my insecurity?'"

The idea is to pinpoint the place where her (or any of our) anxiety might be rooted. "Is it that person over there who reminds me of my high school bully? Is it that person over there who didn't give me a job once?" Once the source is recognized, if possible, Cruise suggests asking yourself, "Where does it live outside of me, and where do I feel like the source might be coming from?"

Haley emphasizes that examining her fear, which Cruise encourages, truly helps the anxiety subside. She continues, "If I look at it for long enough, the anxiety then can have a name. It can have a label and be contained, instead of free-floating, where I'm just in a total struggle internally with my own anxiety." Seeing through this prism, she shares, "If I’m scared of something, if I keep looking at it long enough, it tends to not be the monster under the bed anymore."

Tom Cruise, actor, social anxiety, advice, mental health, haley atwell, mission impossible, anxiety A photo of Haley Atwell at an event.commons.wikimedia.org

Naming the emotion, whether it's jealousy, loneliness, etc., can help you outwardly address it so that it doesn't fester in your mind. She reiterates Cruise's words: "If you're scared of something, just keep looking at it. Try not to look away, and it will often give you information about how to overcome it."

Cruise's advice isn't all that different from many professional therapists. In the blog post, "How to overcome social anxiety: 8 tips and strategies" (clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA, for Calm.com,) ideas on how to overcome social anxiety are given and number one on the list could have been written by Cruise himself: "Identify your triggers," they write, explaining, "The first step to managing social anxiety is understanding what sparks it. Triggers can be unique to each person. Some might find large gatherings intimidating, while for others, it might be public speaking. To identify your triggers, keep a journal of your feelings and the situations that make you anxious. Recognizing these triggers is a crucial step in managing your reactions to them."

They also suggest, among other ideas, breathing techniques such as the 4-7-8 method: breathing in for 4 seconds, holding for 7, and breathing out for 8. They also advise "challenging negative thought patterns." They explain, "Practice challenging these thoughts. Ask yourself: 'Is this thought based on facts or feelings? What's the best thing that could happen?' Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones can help reduce feelings of anxiety."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Whether you take the advice from therapists or Tom Cruise, the takeaway remains more or less the same. Take your time to identify the source of what's triggering you. Great to know that what works for Ethan Hunt can works for the rest of us.

From Your Site Articles
celebrity
Pop CultureMovies
Public Health

People are finally discussing the secret etiquette of pooping at someone else's house

Is the courtesy flush polite or a waste of water?

Canva Photos

Lighting a candle? That's basic compared to these advanced tips.

Poop anxiety isn't the most heavily studied medical field, but some estimates say up to a third of people suffer from some kind of anxiety around going to the bathroom in a public place or another person's home. On the low end, they can feel ashamed or embarrassed. At the higher end, they may avoid social functions, public events, or leaving their own home entirely. This phenomenon also tends to affect women more than men. For some people, the worry gets so bad that they constipate themselves or refuse to eat, all because they're worried of what people will think of them.

But you don't have to have extreme "shy bowel" to know the uncertainty associated with feeling a rumbly tummy while you're a guest in someone's house. There are a lot of unknowns to manage. How good is their soundproofing? Does their toilet actually flush properly? Will someone be waiting to go in right after me? Some people anticipate these worries and come up with elaborate rules and routines to leave as little evidence of their go as possible.

A guy took a simple question to social media: Should you always courtesy flush when you're a guest in someone's house? The answer sparked a huge debate about the secret etiquette of public pooping.

poop, bathroom, cat, funny, humor, toilet Cat Closing GIF Giphy

In a thread on the subreddit r/NoStupidQuestions, the OP asked: "My mother tells me that at other people's houses, when going to the bathroom, it's expected to do a 'courtesy flush'. Is this a real thing?"

For the uninitiated, a courtesy flush is when you flush halfway through your "go." The thinking is that it helps get rid of odors before they build up. Not only did the poster's mother advocate for courtesy flushing, she insisted on a very specific ritual when visiting other people's homes:

  1. Always carry Poopurri and spray before you go
  2. Flush halfway through your session
  3. Flush at the end (obviously)
  4. Clean toilet bowl with wand...every time!

If it sounds a little extreme to you, you're not alone.

However, some commenters were extremely pro-courtesy flush.

toilet, bathroom, home, hygiene, cleaning, etiquette White ceramic toilet bowl with lid up. Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

"That’s good advice. First flush on delivery, second flush with clean up. Reduces odor and skid marks."

A few people noted that the courtesy flush is common in jails and prisons, of all places. Due to the tight (extremely tight) quarters, inmates are encouraged to repeatedly flush while they go. I don't want to know what the consequence might be for violating this code.

Others claimed the courtesy flush was a waste of water:

"Flushing twice seems very wasteful in my opinion. I would not like a guest to do that."

"No, please don't waste my water. But do make sure everything goes down."

"If someone did that at my house I'd be low key annoyed at them for wasting water."

Experts agree that the effectiveness of the courtesy flush is very much up for debate. Does it mildly lessen odor? Maybe. It's also a gigantic waste of water. Older toilets can use up to six gallons per flush—yikes! An extra flush is also questionable at best when it comes to sanitation—flushing poop with the lid open is known to spray bacteria all over the bathroom. Yuck.

"Everyone poops, I don't want my guests worrying about it," wrote one commenter. "Crack a window if it's like, lethally stinky, I guess. If you clog the toilet, the plunger is in a plastic tub right there. If you need help, cool, now we have a funny story."

The courtesy flush, however, was only the beginning of the OP's tips for pooping in public.

- YouTube youtu.be

Some commenters were on board with OP's mother's idea of using the toilet brush if it's available:

"If there's some brown stuck to the porcelain after I flush, and if there's a toilet brush on hand, I give it a quick cleaning and a second flush. But not if things look clean otherwise," someone wrote.

Another commenter had an even more advanced idea: "You can also float a strip of toilet paper on top of the water before you poo. Gets wrapped in paper as you drop off your delivery and less likely to leave skid marks in the bowl."

Of course, commenters in threads all over the Internet sing the praises of Poo-Pourri, or even carrying a lighter with you at all times to burn up some of the stinky oxygen. And how's this for a pro-level tip?

"Tip for the courtesy flush.. if one who finds it hard to poop in a public bathroom because you don’t want people to hear you. Flush just right before you push and the sound of the water will cover the sound of gas etc and it will go right down with the water so very minimal smell."

I mean, all you can do really is clap at the social-anxiety-fueled ingenuity on display. The experts seem to agree here. Even Healthline recommends carrying air purifier spray, lining the inside of the bowl with toilet paper to absorb sound, and flushing several times to reduce anxiety worries.

The general consensus is that, when pooping at someone's house, basic etiquette applies. Clean up after yourself to a normal degree, but remember, as the saying goes: Everybody poops.

Some people are really protective over the bathrooms in their homes, which is their right. But if that's the case, they really shouldn't be having guests over and expecting them not to partake in normal human biological behaviors.

Some of the advanced tips shared by anxious-pooers might help, but try not to send yourself into a tailspin trying to cover your tracks. In extreme cases of bathroom anxiety, experts say cognitive behavior therapy or even antidepressants may be needed. But the rest of us might just need to read that world famous children's book again.

This article originally appeared in March.

From Your Site Articles
pooping
Public HealthHealth
Modern Families

People are praising 96-year-old grandma's advice to 'separate your actions from your feelings'

"Don't lie to yourself by using your feelings as an excuse."

Image via Canva

96-year-old grandma gives advice on separating actions from feelings to accomplish goals.

The Silent Generation, those born from between 1928 and 1945, is made up of people who lived through the Great Depression and World War II. Defined by living through these hardships, their strength and perseverance continues to inspire younger generations today--including Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Alpha.

Over on Reddit in a subforum discussing how to become more disciplined, member Limp_Edu4797 shared an impactful piece of advice from his 96-year-old grandma on not letting feelings and emotions get in the way of remaining disciplined and working through hard things.

In the post, he shared: "For a long time, I was stuck in this cycle where I'd only be productive when I felt like it. If I was in a bad mood, I'd tell myself to wait until tomorrow. When I was tired, I'd take a Netflix break. If I was stressed about something, I'd procrastinate until my headspace cleared up," he wrote. "One day, my grandma was watching me complain about how I couldn't get anything done because I was 'too anxious' about some work project."

feelings, emotions, stress, anxiety, anxious Abc Reaction GIF by The Bachelorette Giphy

He goes on to explain that while he was expecting his grandma to have more sympathy for him, she instead offered him hard-hitting advice from her own life experience. He continued, "She just looked at me and said, 'You know, during the war, we didn't have the luxury of waiting until we felt good to do what needed doing.' Then she told me something I'll never forget: 'You need to separate your actions from your feelings!'"

He adds that his grandma notices young people these days "think their feelings and their actions are married to each other. Happy means productive, sad means lazy, scared means stop. But that's just a story we tell ourselves."

It's a lot different from how she experienced life. She told him, "I didn't feel like rationing food or working on the farm. But I did it anyway. Not because I ignored my feelings, but because I did it WITH my feelings."

do it, action, feel your feelings, keep going, perservere Yes You Can Lets Go GIF by Bridge and Tunnel on EPIX Giphy

When he tried to explain that things these days are just different, she didn't argue with him. "She just nodded and said, 'You're probably right. But here's what I learned: don't lie to yourself by using your feelings as an excuse. Don't say: I'm stressed, so I can't do it.' She told me to change the narrative and tell myself: 'I'm stressed, that's fine, so I'll do it stressed.'"

Her wise words are resonating with younger generations online. "I didn't know I needed this today. Thank you. Your grammas words are hitting hard for me this morning and I appreciate it! Fell all your feelings, they're valid, but stay disciplined with those feelings. Not in spite of them," one commented.

focus, stay focused, disciplined, stay disciplined, be disciplined Tiffany Haddish Goals GIF by BuzzFeed Giphy

Another wrote, "I think this is the root of many differences between our newer generations and our older ones. We are swung far in the direction of acknowledging our feelings, validating them, etc.—so far, perhaps, that we have arrived in a place where feelings dictate our actions. That’s what you’re describing. There’s a happy medium, and it’s required for healthy functioning adults. Sometimes situations warrant being overridden by emotion. Most don’t. You get to/have to choose what kind of person to be."

Another quipped, "I Can Do it With a Broken Heart but make it depression era," referencing the Taylor Swift hit.

taylor swift, taylor swift song, i can do it with a broken heart, t swift, taylor swift gif Broken Heart Dancing GIF by Taylor Swift Giphy

Others were slightly skeptical of the advice she gave. "I get the validity in this, truly. But, we’ve also acknowledged how their stiff approach harbors trauma responses that can last generations. It’s okay to have hard feelings. We can acknowledge them, but she is right to encourage you to keep moving forward. But, we should always listen to our bodies and see where that feeling is coming from," another shared.

Ultimately, many appreciated the focus on re-framing your mindset to accomplish goals and remain disciplined. Another commented, "So much to 'discipline' is what????? The mental game. There are lots of ways to attack the mental game. At the core is…re-framing….reframing our mindset, how we look at, process our thoughts, approach to things we know we should do, want to, but don’t. Grandma was on to something with her 'separate' feelings from actions approach."

From Your Site Articles
life advice
Modern FamiliesFamily
Trending Stories