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30 things people don't realize you're doing because of your depression

Do any of these speak to you?


Most people imagine depression equals “really sad," and unless you've experienced depression yourself, you might not know it goes so much deeper than that. Depression expresses itself in many different ways, some more obvious than others. While some people have a hard time getting out of bed, others might get to work just fine — it's different for everyone.

To find out how depression shows itself in ways other people can't see, we asked The Mighty mental health community to share one thing people don't realize they're doing because they have depression.

Here's what they had to say:

1. “In social situations, some people don't realize I withdraw or don't speak much because of depression. Instead, they think I'm being rude or purposefully antisocial." — Laura B.

2. “I struggle to get out of bed, sometimes for hours. Then just the thought of taking a shower is exhausting. If I manage to do that, I am ready for a nap. People don't understand, but anxiety and depression is exhausting, much like an actual physical fight with a professional boxer." — Juli J.

3. “Agreeing to social plans but canceling last minute. Using an excuse but really you just chickened out. It makes you think your friends don't actually want to see you, they just feel bad. Obligation." — Brynne L.

4. “Hiding in my phone. Yes, I am addicted to it, but not like other people. I don't socialize, I play games or browse online stores to distract myself from my negative thoughts. It's my safe bubble." — Eveline L.

5. “Going to bed at 9 p.m. and sleeping throughout the night until 10 or 11 a.m." — Karissa D.

6. “Isolating myself, not living up to my potential at work due to lack of interest in anything, making self-deprecating jokes. I've said many times before, 'I laugh, so that I don't cry.' Unfortunately, it's all too true." — Kelly K.

man dealing with depressionman sitting on chair covering his eyesPhoto by christopher lemercier on Unsplash

7. “When I reach out when I'm depressed it's 'cause I am wanting to have someone to tell me I'm not alone. Not because I want attention." — Tina B.

8. “I don't like talking on the phone. I prefer to text. Less pressure there. Also being anti-social. Not because I don't like being around people, but because I'm pretty sure everyone can't stand me." — Meghan B.

9. “I overcompensate in my work environment… and I work front line at a Fitness Centre, so I feel the need to portray an 'extra happy, bubbly personality.' As soon as I walk out the doors at the end of the day, I feel myself 'fall.' It's exhausting… I am a professional at hiding it." — Lynda H.

10. “The excessive drinking. Most people assume I'm trying to be the 'life of the party' or just like drinking in general. I often get praised for it. But my issues are much deeper than that." — Teresa A.

11. “Hiding out in my room for hours at a time watching Netflix or Hulu to distract my mind or taking frequent trips to the bathroom or into another room at social gatherings because social situations sometimes get to me." — Kelci F.

12. “Saying I'm tired or don't feel good… they don't realize how much depression can affect you physically as well as emotionally." — Lauren G.

more at instagram @joshrh19

Photo by Joshua Rawson-Harris on Unsplash

13. “Answering slowly. It makes my brain run slower, and I can't think of the answers to the questions as quickly. Especially when someone is asking what I want to do — I don't really want anything. I isolate myself so I don't have to be forced into a situation where I have to respond because it's exhausting." — Erin W.

14. “Sometimes I'll forget to eat all day. I can feel my stomach growling but don't have the willpower to get up and make something to eat." — Kenzi I.

15. “I don't talk much in large groups of people, especially when I first meet them. I withdraw because of my anxiety and depression. People think I'm 'stuck up.' I'm actually scared out of my mind worrying they don't like me, or that they think I'm 'crazy' by just looking at me…" — Hanni W.

16. “Not keeping in touch with anyone, bad personal hygiene and extremely bad reactions to seemingly trivial things." — Jenny B.

17. “Being angry, mean or rude to people I love without realizing it in the moment. I realize my actions and words later and feel awful I had taken out my anger on people who don't deserve it." — Christie C.

18. “Purposely working on the holidays so I can avoid spending time with family. It's overwhelming to be around them and to talk about the future and life so I avoid it." — Aislinn G.

19. “My house is a huge mess." — Cynthia H.

20. “I volunteer for everything, from going to PTO meetings to babysitting to cleaning someone else's house for them. I surround myself with situations and obligations that force me to get out of bed and get out of the house because if I'm not needed, I won't be wanted." — Carleigh W.


This story was originally published on The Mighty and originally appeared here on 07.21.17

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Health

Woman’s shocking before-and-after pictures reveal the truth about panic attacks

Appearances aren’t always what they seem.

Amber Smith on Facebook.

Feeling good.

Last week, Amber Smith from Warwickshire, England, revealed something about herself that many of her Facebook friends didn't know:

She suffers from crippling panic attacks.

Smith shared her story by posting two completely different pictures of herself and the powerful imagery has been shared over 7,500 times.

"Top Picture: What I showcase to the world via social media. Dressed up, make-up done, filters galore. The 'normal' side to me.”

community, social media, selfie

Dressed up and ready.

Amber Smith on Facebook.

"Bottom picture: Taken tonight shortly after suffering from a panic attack because of my anxiety. Also, the 'normal' side to me that most people don't see."

panic attack, Facebook, Amber Smith

Suffering the panic attack.

Amber Smith on Facebook.

Full post:

God knows why I'm doing this, but people need some home truths..

Top picture: What I showcase to the world via social media. Dressed up, make up done, filters galore. The 'normal' side to me.
Bottom picture: Taken tonight shortly after suffering from a panic attack because of my anxiety. Also the 'normal'' side to me that most people don't see.

I'm so sick of the fact that it's 2016 and there is still so much stigma around mental health. It disgusts me that so many people are so uneducated and judgmental over the topic. They say that 1 in 3 people will suffer with a mental illness at some point in their life. 1 in 3! Do you know how many people that equates to worldwide?! And yet I've been battling with anxiety and depression for years and years and there's still people that make comments like 'you'll get over it', 'you don't need tablets, just be happier', 'you're too young to suffer with that'

F*** YOU. F*** all of you small minded people that think that because I physically look 'fine' that I'm not battling a monster inside my head every single day.

Someone actually said this to me one day 'aren't you too young to be suffering with anxiety and depression? What do you actually have to be depressed about at your age?'' Wow, just wow.

I'm a strong person, I've been through my fair share of crap in life (the same as anyone else) and I will be okay. I have the best family and friends around me and I am thankful everyday that they have the patience to help and support me.
To anyone who is going through the same, please do not suffer in silence. There is so much support around - Don't be scared to ask for help.

This is why I can't stress enough that it costs nothing to be nice to others. Don't bully others, don't put others down and the hardest one of them all (as we have all done it at some point) don't judge another person. We're all human regardless of age, race, religion, wealth, job. So build one another up instead of breaking each other down.
Peace & love guys

Smith's before-and-after photos perfectly symbolize how panic attacks feel, because they often come on without any warning. People suffering from attacks can experience shortness of breath, heart palpitations, trembling, hot and cold flashes or myriad other debilitating symptoms.

According to the National Institutes of Mental Health, over four million Americans suffer from panic attacks, and although they are emotionally debilitating, they can be overcome through cognitive/behavioral therapy. According to Thomas A. Richards, Ph. D, "Today, panic attacks and agoraphobia can be treated successfully with a motivated client and a knowledgeable therapist."


This article originally appeared on 09.26.17

From Your Site Articles
mental health
Family

Therapist shares the 15 ways kids show anxiety that can be easy to miss

Kids are always trying to communicate, even if that communication isn't clear.

@momtherapist/TikTok

Her cheat sheet became a great conversation starter.

Anxiety, jitters, nervousness…it all kinds of comes with the territory of being human, at least to a certain extent. That goes for kiddos too. Only children have the added challenge of not having all the necessary knowledge and tools to clearly express what they’re feeling on the inside.

But rest assured, kids are expressing themselves, in myriad ways.

According to therapist and mom of three Melissa Griffing, there could be as many as 15 different ways kids might be communicating their anxiety that parents are missing. And people are finding her list illuminating, to say the least.

“Did you know kids talk about anxiety in a whole heck of a bunch of different ways that parents often don’t pick up on? Here are 15 different ways that kids say, ‘I’m feeling worried,’” Griffing says in a now-viral clip posted to her TikTok.

Her first one, “my tummy hurts,” was one several could remember saying as kids. One person even shared, “my stomach hurt a lot when I was a kid. It was 1000% my anxiety.”

But that’s not the only bodily ailment that could reveal something about a child’s mental state. Griffing also listed “my legs hurt” and “my arms hurt” as potential markers of distress, although she added the caveat that these could also be growing pains.

And let’s not forget “I’m not hungry,” “I can’t sleep,” “I need to pee again” or “I think I’m getting sick.” These health related ones can be especially tricky to interpret since, of course, sometimes it really could be related to health issues. That’s why Griffing still encourages going to a doctor first to be sure.

Finally, hear are the last few phrases Griffing mentioned:

“I don’t wanna go to school.”

“I hate you.”

Asking “what-if” questions.

“I don’t know.”

“I just wanna stay with you.”

“Nobody wants to talk to me at school.”

“Nobody likes me.”

“I don’t like it.

@momtherapist Helping your kids manage their own anxiety part one. #therapy #childtherapists #tipsfromatherapist #dallastherapist #parenting #thewellcounseling ♬ original sound - Melissa

…and if these sound like completely mundane, everyday expressions, that’s kind of the point. They can indeed be very easy to miss—and many parents showed their surprise in the comments section.

“Damn my daughter has said every single one of these. Especially the sick thing” one parent wrote.

“By the time you hit number 9 I was in tears,” added another.

Understandably, parents who watched the video were eager for solutions. And Griffing was happy to offer some tips in a few follow-up videos. But really, the basis of all her advice is founded on strengthening emotional intelligence. This goes for parents being able to recognize when kids are displaying these difficult feelings, and being able to help kids develop their own ways of identifying and processing those feelings.

Some children’s books that she recommended for this (for the kiddos) are “What to do When You Worry Too Much” by Dawn Huebner and “There’s a Bully in my Brain” by Kristin O’Rourke.

Lastly, Griffing suggests that for the real “overworriers,” parents can teach them to focus a little less on those intrusive thoughts by dedicating 10-15 minutes a day to “worry time,” where parents can listen to all those worries (no solving, just listening).

And for any concerns that might be shared during the day, parent can gently redirect those thoughts towards the set up “worry time,” and distract with a more comforting or pleasant focus for that moment.

This teaches kids that worrisome thoughts do have a place…just not 24/7. A fantastic skill for anyone to develop, no doubt.

For more parenting tips from Griffing, follow her on her TikTok.

From Your Site Articles
mental health
Family

Millennial argues Boomer generation 'anxiety-at-you' parenting language is bad for kids

“The commonly accepted stereotype of a loving mom is the worrywart. Women don't recognize it as a problem.”

via Teona Swift/Pexels and ItsGabiDay/TikTok

Gabi Day is tired of managing her mother's anxiety.

Beauty product influencer Gabi Day shared a personal problem she was going through as a parent and daughter on TikTok, and resonated with many fellow Millennials. Her mother, who watches her 18-month-old twins, expresses her love for her family through demonstrative anxiety.

Day believes that this personality trait made her an anxious person, and she doesn’t want it passed on to her children.

“Does anyone else have a Boomer mom whose primary love language is anxiety-at-you?” she asked her followers. She added that her mother was always “reactive,” “nervous,” and “anxious” throughout her childhood. Now, when her kids are playing and aren’t in any danger, her mother is still on edge. “She's immediately like gasping and just really like exaggerated physical reactions, and then, of course, that kind of startles my kid,” Day said.

“Again, I know that this comes from a place of care. It's just a lot,” she continued.

@itsgabiday

It comes from a place of love but it is exhausting 🫠😬 #millennialmomsoftiktok #boomergrandma #reparenting #gentleparenting

To further complicate things, Day’s mother believes this constant expression of anxiety is her love language and shows she cares. She can’t understand why it causes such problems within her family.

“The flip side of this is she sees me actively trying to be the calm in the room, model emotional regulation, breathe through things being regulated and she looks at me confused. As if me not anxiety-at-ing my children somehow means that I don't care about them enough,” she revealed.

The post resonated with a lot of people in the comments.

"My mom thinks that her anxiety is proof of her love. The more she wrings her hands, the more she loves you," Lori wrote. "I think the commonly accepted stereotype of a loving mom is the worrywort. Women don't recognize it as a problem," Claire added.

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