anxiety

Ever since I can remember, I've had conversations with myself…out loud. Not always at top volume. Perhaps, at times, in a whisper. But definitely not just an inner monologue. Usually, I don't even realize I'm doing it until a good five minutes in. Sometimes it's an argument with a friend, but there are times it's just basic chitchat with a person who's very famous.

It will go something like this: "Oh, thanks for asking, Oprah. My favorite sweater this season is the Dior cashmere. In fact, all of you get one under your seats!" Sometimes, I'm on a political talk show: "And another thing about Keynesian economics," I'll argue with…could be anyone. Tucker Carlson. Anderson Cooper. Rachel Maddow.

Oprah Winfrey is very excited. Giphy

Maybe the most interesting part? I get so lost in these moments, my body reacts to them as though they're really happening. If I'm fighting with an invisible person, I feel rage. If someone, like let's say Ewan McGregor, is proposing marriage, I feel glee.

I've always assumed this to be odd behavior, to say the least. But it turns out, according to research, it is quite common and can actually even be healthy. In the article "The Surprising Benefits of Talking Out Loud to Yourself" by health and wellness editor for Time Magazine, Angela Haupt, psychology professor Gary Lupyan is cited, saying, "Talking out loud to yourself is perfectly normal—and even beneficial. It can facilitate problem-solving and improve how well you perform at a task."

Haupt also notes that talking out loud can be a big motivator. In sharing another study which researched the effect self-talk had on basketball players, she discusses how it can keep a person "focused, especially in a situation that requires lots of different steps."

But for me, it hasn't been about motivation. It's more the idea of self-regulating when I feel anxious, which is often. The article shares the ideas of psychology professor Thomas Brinthaupt, writing, "Studies have found that when you’re anxious or experiencing, for example, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, you’re much more likely to talk to yourself. Upsetting or disturbing experiences make people want to resolve or understand them—and self-talk is a tool that helps them do so."

I don't just do it when I'm stressed. On the contrary, it's often as if there's a storybook I've written in my head and I'm merely reading it out loud. (Like accepting someone's dazzling marriage proposal or nailing "Purple Rain" at karaoke.) Some could argue that this is a form of dissociation—and that's true. But for me, sometimes, that "other world" is where I'd prefer to be.

It's quite the popular topic on Reddit. On the thread, "Talking to yourself out loud," the OP writes, "I live alone and talking to myself out loud is helpful to clear my thoughts and slow my thinking down. It helps me ‘get my feelings out’ too—a bit like journaling or writing them down. Do you talk to yourself? About what? When? Curious to learn how many people do this, or on the other side—find it strange. Like, does anyone living alone not do this?"

There are hundreds of comments from those who do the same thing. One suggests, "I do this as a form of self-therapy. I record and talk for an hour without realizing. One of my greatest coping mechanisms."

This person does exactly what I do: "Always. I also have fake conversations with people in my life and celebrities. It’s super cathartic. I also work from home—so I have a fairly isolated life. There have been a few times I started talking out loud to myself when I have had people at my home or at the grocery store."

Comedian Jeff Scheen jokes about talking out loud. www.youtube.com, Jeff Scheen

In the subreddit r/ADHD, some even identify this behavior as a symptom. As someone who was recently diagnosed (as many of us have been) with ADHD, I found this extra fascinating. Here, the original poster writes in part, "One thing I've done is talked to myself. A lot. I'm not talking about just saying 'Whoops, dropped my keys.' I have full, extended conversations with myself, discussing the intricacies of an idea. I'll often pace through the house, talking to myself about an idea I have for a book, or acting out an interview like I was a famous actor, or explaining to an invisible friend what ADHD is."

Quite interestingly, they continue, "The closest term I've found is "maladaptive daydreaming.' It definitely gets in the way of things I'm doing, and it's never the same thing every time. I'd just, for example, see a picture of a musician I look up to and start vocally daydreaming about being a famous musician. It never gets to the point where they become delusions that I believe are true, but it does consume an awful lot of my time."

Again, many comment that they too experience this and that it's a healthy form of regulation and self-therapy. Others back up the notion that, indeed, it can be "an ADHD thing."

"YES! IT IS AN ADHD THING! Here's Russell Barkley talking about the five executive deficits that people with ADHD have, and internal self-talk is one of them."

Russell Barkley speaks about ADHD symptoms. www.youtube.com, ADHD videos

Whether it is ADHD, anxiety, or just a wild imagination, it's nice to learn that having full conversations with no one is perfectly normal. Hearing other people's stories makes me feel seen...or I guess in this case—heard.