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Woman creates detailed list of things men 'should' be doing for their postpartum wives

This is a solid plan.

postpartum care, babies, marriage
Canva, @melissamesser/TikTok

Postpartum can be a challenging time. Extra support goes a long way

Bringing a baby into the world can be a dream come true for many women. But that bliss is quickly compromised by the physical and emotional toll caused by the postpartum phase.

During this time, when hormones are raging and focus is compromised and energy is practically nonexistent—all while trying to recover from extreme physical transformations and keeping a newborn alive—having partner support is more important than ever.

That’s what makes one woman’s detailed list of things husbands (or just the partner who didn’t not deliver the baby, really) can do to help support mom moms through postpartum such an important read.


In a clip posted to her TikTok, Melissa Messer noted that her list was still the “bare minimum” of what she thinks men “should” be doing during the postpartum phase in order to really show support. But the list was comprehensive nonetheless.

To start, Messer stated that two different water bottles should be filled for mom at all times — her water bottle and her peri bottle. One for hydration, the other for comfort.

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Have healing products stock and ready to go.

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“Okay, first and arguably most important is that water bottles should always be filled with ice water. Like, don't even let it get to the point where she has to ask. Just have that thing ready. Another thing that should be filled without them having to think about is their peri bottle that they're using to heal,” she said.

And that’s not the only healing product that should be at the ready. Messer also suggested that there be a constant stockpile of pads, disposable underwear and Tucks pads. That way moms “don’t even have to think about it when they go into the bathroom.”

Since emotional support is also part of the job, Messer gave a tip for what to do during late night feedings, which can be “lonely” for their postpartum partner.

“I know, at night, it's like, ‘What can I do? Like I can't feed the baby if she's breastfeeding.’ Wake up in the middle of the night for moral support, you know?” she suggested, which brought her into her next point: “Tell her she's a good mom, at least three times a day minimum.”

Next up: domestic chores, like laundry, housework, changing diapers, etc., so that mom can “shower and nap.” though Messer noted that “that's kind of like a given,” especially if this is the couple’s first child.

For families that already do have kids, Messer said that responsibilities might change a bit, and might require more attention towards the older kids.

“You should be doing everything with the other kids. Checking in and asking if mom needs anything, even though you're with the other kids the whole time,” she explained.

She also added that with multiple kids the house is more likely to be messy, but it should never get “completely overwhelming.”

Last but certainly not least, Messer encouraged husbands to be “extra nice” to their wives, and even get them a “special treat” from time to time. Because “there is so much that moms are going through that guys are never gonna experience.”

@melissmesser Clearly i feel strongly about the water bottle LMAO #greenscreen #momsoftiktok #POSTPARTUM #postpartumrecovery #postpartumjourney #pregnancytiktok #pregnancy #postpartumlife #postpartumsupport #postpartumbody #postpartum ♬ original sound - Melissa

Over in the comments, viewers added some other tips to the list, like managing the meals and buying a bottle warmer for peri bottle, so it can be used instantly.

Others chimed in to praise their current hubbies who already showed up in big ways.

“I see these lists and immediately feel so grateful I got a good one!” one mom wrote.

Another added “I am so emotional right now listening to those knowing I got a good one.”

Postpartum is rarely a walk in the park—for either mom or dad. But just like any other challenge, it can be so much easier to navigate through partnership. And it doesn't hurt to review where you can be a more supportive partner, even if you are already doing a ton of things right. Seeing things simplified into a list just like this one is an easy way to do that.

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