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Her mother doesn't get why she's depressed. So she explains the best way she knows how.

Sabrina Benaim eloquently describes what it's like to be depressed.

via Button Poetry/YouTube

Sabrina Benaim's “Explaining My Depression to My Mother."

Sabrina Benaim's “Explaining My Depression to My Mother" is pretty powerful on its own.

But, in it, her mother exhibits some of the most common misconceptions about depression, and I'd like to point out three of them here.

Misconception #1: Depression is triggered by a single event or series of traumatic events.

empathy, human condition, humanity

Depression isn’t just over sleeping.

Most people think depression is triggered by a traumatic event: a loved one dying, a job loss, a national tragedy, some THING. The truth is that depression sometimes just appears out of nowhere. So when you think that a friend or loved one is just in an extended bad mood, reconsider. They could be suffering from depression.

Misconception #2: People with depression are only sad.

family, parents, mom, anxiety

The obligation of anxiety.

Most people who have never experienced depression think depression is just an overwhelming sadness. In reality, depression is a complex set of feelings and physical changes in the body. People who suffer from depression are sad, yes, but they can also be anxious, worried, apathetic, and tense, among other things.

Misconception #3: You can snap out of it.

button poetry, medical condition, biological factors

Making fun plans not wanting to have fun.

The thing with depression is that it's a medical condition that affects your brain chemistry. It has to do with environmental or biological factors first and foremost. Sabrina's mother seems to think that if her daughter would only go through the motions of being happy that then she would become happy. But that's not the case. Depression is a biological illness that leaks into your state of being.

Think of it this way: If you had a cold, could you just “snap out of it"?

No? Exactly.

empathy, misconceptions of depression, mental health

Mom doesn’t understand.

via Button Poetry/YouTube

These are only three of the misconceptions about depression. If you know somebody suffering from depression, you should take a look at this video here below to learn the best way to talk to them:

This article originally appeared on 11.24.15

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Health

After she asked for a mental health day, a screenshot of her boss' response went viral

This is what leadership should look like. 💯

Image shared by Madalyn Parker

Madalyn shared with her colleagues about her own mental health.




Madalyn Parker wanted to take a couple days off work. She didn't have the flu, nor did she have plans to be on a beach somewhere, sipping mojitos under a palm tree.

Parker, a web developer from Michigan, wanted a few days away from work to focus on her mental health.

Parker lives with depression. And, she says, staying on top of her mental health is absolutely crucial.

"The bottom line is that mental health is health," she says over email. "My depression stops me from being productive at my job the same way a broken hand would slow me down since I wouldn't be able to type very well."

work emails, depression, office emails, community

Madalyn Parker was honest with her colleagues about her situation.

Photo courtesy Madalyn Parker.

She sent an email to her colleagues, telling them the honest reason why she was taking the time off.

"Hopefully," she wrote to them, "I'll be back next week refreshed and back to 100%."

Soon after the message was sent, the CEO of Parker's company wrote back:

"Hey Madalyn,

I just wanted to personally thank you for sending emails like this. Every time you do, I use it as a reminder of the importance of using sick days for mental health — I can't believe this is not standard practice at all organizations. You are an example to us all, and help cut through the stigma so we can all bring our whole selves to work."

Moved by her CEO's response, Parker posted the email exchange to Twitter.

The tweet, published on June 30, 2017, has since gone viral, amassing 45,000 likes and 16,000 retweets.

"It's nice to see some warm, fuzzy feelings pass around the internet for once," Parker says of the response to her tweet. "I've been absolutely blown away by the magnitude though. I didn't expect so much attention!"

Even more impressive than the tweet's reach, however, were the heartfelt responses it got.

"Thanks for giving me hope that I can find a job as I am," wrote one person, who opened up about living with panic attacks. "That is bloody incredible," chimed in another. "What a fantastic CEO you have."

Some users, however, questioned why there needs to be a difference between vacation time and sick days; after all, one asked, aren't vacations intended to improve our mental well-being?

That ignores an important distinction, Parker said — both in how we perceive sick days and vacation days and in how that time away from work is actually being spent.

"I took an entire month off to do partial hospitalization last summer and that was sick leave," she wrote back. "I still felt like I could use vacation time because I didn't use it and it's a separate concept."

Many users were astounded that a CEO would be that understanding of an employee's mental health needs.

They were even more surprised that the CEO thanked her for sharing her personal experience with caring for her mental health.

After all, there's still a great amount of stigma associated with mental illness in the workplace, which keeps many of us from speaking up to our colleagues when we need help or need a break to focus on ourselves. We fear being seen as "weak" or less committed to our work. We might even fear losing our job.

Ben Congleton, the CEO of Parker's company, Olark, even joined the conversation himself.

In a blog post on Medium, Congleton wrote about the need for more business leaders to prioritize paid sick leave, fight to curb the stigma surrounding mental illness in the workplace, and see their employees as people first.

"It's 2017. We are in a knowledge economy. Our jobs require us to execute at peak mental performance," Congleton wrote. "When an athlete is injured, they sit on the bench and recover. Let's get rid of the idea that somehow the brain is different."


This article originally appeared on 07.11.17


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Health

Why people are longing for the old Scottish habit of 'hurkle-durkling' to finally get good rest

You might have already hurkle-durkled this week.

Representative Image from Canva

Wondering where she got that rested glow? She hurkle-durkled.

Hurkle-durkle might be the silliest word ever, but it could be the missing step in your self-care.

Hurkle-durkling simply means to linger in bed long past the time when you “should” already be up. It’s a Scottish term dating back to the 1800s—-originally having more to do with sitting in a crouching position either for warmth or secrecy, but eventually taking on a more relaxed and positive connotation.

It’s a word that only the biggest etymology enthusiast would know, had it not been plucked from obscurity thanks to TikTok.

The viral trend seems to have started with actress Kira Kosarin sharing it as her “word of the day,” joking that “I do be hurkling, and I do be durkling and once I’ve hurkled my last durkle in a given morning I will get up, but I’m a big fan of a hurkle-durkle.”

@kirakosarin

hurkle-durkle, u deserve it <3

♬ original sound - Kira Kosarin

Kosarin’s clip prompted others to share videos of themselves enjoying a good hurkle-durkling, blissfully wrapped in their sheets, basking in the sunlight, leisurely reading, etc.

One woman hailing from Scotland even joked, “[The Scottish] knew it was so critical to well-being they made a whole term about it. So no I’m not being lazy or wasting my life. I’m practicing an ancestral right of passage. I’m connecting with my culture and heritage.”

At this point you might be thinking, wait, isn’t this just bed-rotting?

Bed-rotting, another TikTok trend about lying in bed, and hurkle-durkling are similar, but have very different contexts. Bed-rotting has more to do with symptoms of burnout and fatigue, whereas hurkle-durkling is a bit more hygge, if you will. It’s seen as a pleasurable activity meant to promote rest for overall well being. Plus a hurkle-durkle has an end in sight, whereas bedrotting can take up an entire weekend, or longer.

And now matter how silly hurkle-durkle sounds, it could be seriously good for us. Research has shown that sleeping in, even a couple days a week, reduce the chances of a heart attack or stroke by 63%, especially for folks who get less than 6 hours of sleep through the rest of the week. (So, everyone, basically). Not only that, but getting those few extra minutes of shut-eye from hitting the snooze can help increase alertness and boost our mood.

Really, as with any self care practice, balance is key. Experts warn against staying in bed as an everyday practice or to avoid responsibilities an uncomfortable feelings, especially as too much inactivity can worsen feelings of depression. But when done mindfully and moderately, it can be the rejuvenation we long for, that so many of us don’t grant ourselves.

In fact, Kristin Wilson, a licensed professional counselor and chief experience officer, told Yahoo Life that perhaps so many people are leaning into silly, catchy terms like hurkle-durkle because they make rest and self-care, activities many Americans "are hesitant to celebrate and fully embrace,” more accessible.

"Sometimes our bodies just need a break, and we don’t want to feel guilty about taking time to rest," she explained. "Giving this behavior a clever social media name can make it feel more socially acceptable and when it trends and becomes popular, it normalizes the need for relaxation within the community of followers."

So with that, show yourself some love with a little hurkle-durkle. It’s fun to say, and oh so important to do.

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Health

Wife who struggles with depression shares genius hack for helping her husband support her

Sometimes talking things out isn't the best way to communicate.

@Sharon.a.life/TikTok

Sharon Johnson shares a common dilemma couples face when one partner struggles with depression.

Dealing with a mental illness is hard. Loving someone who is dealing with a mental illness is also hard. When you're the person struggling, you need support from your loved ones, but you may not be able to verbalize what you need exactly, especially in the moment. And when you're a loved one who wants to provide that support, you can feel lost and helpless trying to figure out what actually helps.

This is the dilemma TikTok creator Sharon Johnson (@Sharon.a.life) highlights in a viral video explaining how she and her husband passed that impasse.

Johnson starts by acting out a conversation she and her husband often have she's in a depressive episode. She says she's sad and doesn't know why. Her husband asks what she needs, and she says he could be more supportive. He asks how he can be more supportive. In her head, she thinks, "I have about a thousand ways that I think you could be more supportive, but they're all tiny and little and insignificant, and it feels weird to have the conversation and tell you a thousand things that you could do, so instead I'm just gonna continue being sad and we'll both be frustrated."

"You're not saying anything," says her husband. "Please tell me what to do, because I don't know what depression is like and I don't know what to do."

End scene. Sound familiar?

Johnson then shares that she came up with a solution that solves this dilemma, helping her husband understand what support she needs when she's struggling. It's so simple, but not something most people would necessarily think to do.

Watch:

@sharon.a.life

Now the list is there for us to add to, revise, and to refer to! He feels more supported and capable in being supportive and actually helping and I feel more supported and, less depressed! #depression #mentalhealth #bipolar #bipolar2 #depressiontips #supportperson

Being unable to verbalize needs when you're in a depressed state is totally normal, so it's helpful to think about communicating those needs proactively, ahead of time, when you're feeling healthy.

What's brilliant about the written list strategy is that, as Johnson points out, body language and facial expressions can sometimes be misinterpreted, especially when navigating mental and emotional realities. Even longtime married couples can misread worry for annoyance or interpret a thoughtful pause as reticence or judgment, so sometimes writing things down—even clarifying questions like her husband did—is more effective.

In the age of email and texting, written communication has perhaps been overly dismissed as impersonal or as a way to avoid difficult face-to-face conversations. Certainly, it can be, but in some cases, writing things out can be preferable to verbal communication. This is one of those times.

Having those ways to be supportive written down also provides a tangible resource her husband can access any time he needs to, and that resource can also be updated in real time as needed.

People in the comments loved the idea.

"Extremely relatable as I just had a 10 min back & forth of 'what do you need' 'idk' w my partner before he was just like ok I’m making you an egg," shared one person.

"The fact that he typed out the replies shows how much he understands the way your brain works!!! 🧡🧡🧡" shared another.

"It's like the equivalent of "this could've been an email" in the workplace when they schedule a meeting. It makes a lot of sense, really!" offered another.

Many people asked if they could see her list as inspiration or jumping off points for their own, so she offered to email it to people who wanted it. (You can access that link here.)

Find more from @Sharon.a.life on TikTok.

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