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Mom sends life-changing text to her son's friend who stood by him during severe depression

Watching your child suffer from mental illness is incredibly difficult.

Photo credit: Canva

Depression can be isolating and take a toll on friendships.

Any parent who has had a child struggling with mental health knows how helpless it can make you feel. You want to fix it, to kiss the boo-boo and make it all better, but you can't. Finding and getting the help your child needs, whether they're 7 or 27, can be a long, frustrating process, and seeing your kid suffering in the meantime is incredibly difficult.

They say it takes a village, and that's especially true when mental health issues disrupt your child's life. Having other people love and support your loved one who is struggling is huge, whether it's other family members, community members, or friends. That's why a mom reaching out to her son's friend who had been by their side through a severe depression resonates with so many.

A person shared on Reddit that they had received a text from their friend's mom after the friend had been through a bout of depression. It read:


"This is _____'s mom. Just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for standing by my child through their toughest times. Seeing my child struggle was the most painful experience of my life. Your presence, patience, and support meant the world. You've been a true blessing and I'll forever be grateful to you as I can see my child smile again. May you always be surrounded by love, kindness and compassion you selflessly gave to my child. You have been a blessing in our lives."

Helping someone with depression is not easy, no matter who you are. Friends and family often don't know what to do and can end up distancing themselves or responding in a way that's not helpful. It's clear that the mom recognized this fact and expressing her gratitude is a beautiful way of acknowledging the difference this friend made.

depression, mental health, mental illness, support, friendship, hugHaving someone stay by your side through depression is a gift.Photo credit: Canva

People were moved by the mom's message and the evidence of the friend's staunch support.

"Oh 100% would uuuuugly-sob if I got a text like this! What a thoughtful acknowledgement and message of gratitude. Clearly, you are a wonderful and empathetic friend! 💕"

"I'm stifling back tears. I have no doubt that the loving treatment you gave this child was its own reward; however, this beautifully written note is touching and uplifting. Empathy and kindness should be acknowledged. You are both lovely and safe people. I can only wish you and your kids the best, and maybe a growing friendship. Kudos!"

"100% chance that their mom was ugly crying writing this. Experiencing suffering yourself is one thing, but the helplessness of watching your child suffer is excruciating. OP, thanks for being a ray of sunshine in stormy times for this family."

depression, mental health, mental illness, isolation, support, friendshipWatching your child struggle with mental health is painful.Photo credit: Canva

"Kinda like I am now. My Heart goes out to any mom who sees their child struggling, no matter what the age, and feel helpless. Then to have someone be able to provide support in a way that can only come from a friend and not a mom - it just wrecks me to think of how great of a gift it was."

"My adult son is struggling with depression. As a parent, it’s gut-wrenching. I mean, it’s harder for them than for me. But my heart is in a constant state of breaking."

"This clearly shows how you can be surrounded by the best people and still suffer from depression. If this parent shows this much love toward their child’s friend, I can only imagine how amplified it is toward their child who still had to work through it. What lovely people. I hope all involved are thriving."

It's a good reminder to do what we can for one another and to let people know when you see and appreciate their efforts for your loved ones. It truly takes a village for all of us to thrive.


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Wellness

Woman shares her therapist's surprisingly helpful mental health tip: 'Run the dishwasher twice'

"It blew my mind in a way that I don't think I can properly express."

Achim Thiemermann from Pixabay, Natasha G from Pixabay, Danielle Wunker/Facebook

"Run the dishwasher twice" might sound like strange mental health advice, but a viral post is proving that it's actually quite helpful.

Danielle Wunker, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor, shared a story on her Facebook page that is resonating with people who struggle with mental health issues. It originally came from an answer from Katie Scott on Quora to the question "Has a therapist ever told you something completely unexpected?"

It reads:

"When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn't get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by.

I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn't have much to 'bring' to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.

'What are you struggling with?' he asked.

I gestured around me and said 'I dunno man. Life.'

Not satisfied with my answer, he said 'No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you?'


man sitting on chair covering his eyes Photo by christopher lemercier on Unsplash



I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn't want to say it. I wanted to have something more substantial.
Something more profound.

But I didn't.

So I told him, 'Honestly? The dishes. It's stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN'T do them because I'll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can't stand and scrub the dishes.'

I felt like an idiot even saying it.

What kind of grown ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I'm whining to my therapist about dishes?

But he nodded in understanding and then said:

'Run the dishwasher twice.'



File:Dishwasher with dishes.JPG - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

I began to tell him that you're not supposed to, but he stopped me.

'Why the hell aren't you supposed to? If you don't want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist.'

It blew my mind in a way that I don't think I can properly express.

That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times.

I felt like I had conquered a dragon.

The next day, I took a shower lying down.

A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them wherever the fuck they fit.

There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again.

Now that I'm in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry.

But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson:

There are no rules.

Run the dishwasher twice."



Anyone who has been in a mental or emotional place where even just the most basic, mundane tasks seem overwhelming understands the wisdom in this lesson. Dishes might seem like such a minor detail of life, but those kinds of minor details can be the straw that breaks the camel's back mentally. If you've never stared at a basket of laundry that would take three minutes to fold and thought, "Nope, can't do it. Not now. Maybe not ever..." then you may not need this lesson, but there are millions of people who appreciate the express permission to let go of the rules in our heads about how things have to be done.

Adjusting expectations and arbitrary ideas about how something works is incredibly freeing and can provide a seemingly temporary fix for a seemingly insurmountable problem. Oddly enough, though, that temporary fix can be the necessary bridge that gets someone from unable-to-cope-with-daily-life-things to functioning on a somewhat normal level.

Mental health is such a tricky thing to manage, and many of the tools for managing it run counter to what we might expect. That's what therapists are for—to help us step outside the box of our own brains, adjust our thoughts and behaviors to create greater possibilities for ourselves, and give us permission to reject the negative voices in our head try to keep us locked in unhelpful or unhealthy patterns.

Even when that unhelpful pattern is as simple as letting the dishes pile up instead of running the dishwasher twice.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Health

3-part study on 'Fear of Happiness' reveals a key mistake we all make when we're feeling down

Ever gone digging inside a compliment to see if you could find an insult buried inside?

Sydney Sims/Unsplash

We need to stop doing this to ourselves.

Negative moods have a way of snowballing, of picking up steam and being notoriously difficult to break out of. We know that people who are depressed, show depressive symptoms, or are simply feeling down have a more negative way of viewing things. In fact, it's been argued that adults as a general rule use negative information far more than positive information to learn from or make decisions. This negativity bias permeates much of our lives!

But is it possible that we actively go out of our way to avoid things that might make us feel better? For example, why don't we just look at pictures of puppies, or graciously accept a boost from a compliment offered by a friend? A forthcoming study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology recently put this question to the test.


Chandler sad from FriendsGiphy

There were three parts to the fascinating study out of the University of Minnesota Twin Cities.

In the first part, participants were presented with a prompt, or the beginning part of a very short story. Psychology Today offers an example: “You are walking to the office. You only have about 5 minutes left of your walk. You are debating whether to stop and buy a coffee when…”

They were then asked to choose between three different endings; a positive one ("You see $10 on the sidewalk"), a neutral ("You see a coffee shop"), and a negative ("You trip and fall on the sidewalk") ending. Not surprisingly, people who had been determined to show depressive symptoms (which is not the same as having clinical depression) were less likely to select the positive ending.

The results were reproduced in the second part of the study, which was the same, except the language in the stories was shifted from “You" to the name of a fictitious other person.

The third part of the study was the most interesting. The negative ending to the story was altered in this round to be objectively wrong according to the details provided in the prompt.


Youre Wrong John C Mcginley GIFGiphy

Here's the example from Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD at Psychology Today: “Gary had $30 in his wallet to spend at the mall. He bought a T-shirt for $12, a pair of socks for $5, and a hat for $8. When he reached the cashier, he found that…

… he had $5 remaining in his wallet to buy a small accessory.”

…he didn’t have enough money and had to return one of the items.”

...the t-shirt was $15.”

The first option is inherently 'correct' according to the details of the story. The other two less desirable outcomes require a little mental gymnastics. You have to discard the information you originally received in order to make that version of the story work in your head.

People showing depressive symptoms were still less likely to choose the positive answer, even though it was the only correct one! This indicates that “individuals who are happiness-averse do not merely disregard potential positivity. The presence of positivity inhibits their ability to correctly solve problems," according to the study.

What does it all mean? It means that some people do indeed go out of their way, bending over backwards in some cases, to avoid positive stimulus.

Sad Jimmy Fallon GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy

Especially people who show depressive symptoms like low energy, low self-esteem, and hopelessness. What's fascinating about this particular study is that those depressive symptoms were identified using something called "Fear of Happiness."

What is "Fear of Happiness"? It’s not just a feeling, it’s actually a thing that can be measured. Also called cherophobia, mental health professionals use the Fear of Happiness Scale, sometimes called the Concerns About Positive Feelings scale, to get a better idea of what their patient is thinking and feeling. It offers questions participants must either Agree or Disagree with to various degrees. Questions include: “I worry that if I feel good something bad might happen," "I feel I don’t deserve to be happy," and "If you feel good, you let your guard down.”

The study indicates that people who are feeling badly may actually be uncomfortable on some level with the thought of feeling better, and may go out of their way to avoid stimuli that might improve their mood. The study’s authors say the results of the study could be useful in how we treat some types of depression. Common therapies often have patient try to reframe negative thoughts into positive ones, but this data says that might not be effective. Some people may have an aversion to positive thoughts and may dismiss them outright.

Of course, when it comes to clinical depression, mindset is only one small part. Regular therapy and even medication may be crucial when it comes to treatment. But I think it’s useful for all of us to know we may have a tendency to do this when our mood, energy, and self-esteem are low, and if we can force ourself to stop turning away from the good things that do come our way, we might be able to feel a lot better, a lot faster.

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Phone-Free February is the best excuse to drop your apps and reconnect with real life

"Sorry, I won't be responding to DMs for 28 days."

via Canva/Photos

Four young people glued to their phones.

A little over a decade ago, people began celebrating Dry January to get their drinking under control after the holiday season. It’s so popular that these days, it's customary for people to say they’re not going out to the bar or a club because they are taking a month off of the sauce. It’s a great excuse for people to stay sober, and most friends won’t give y a hard time for taking a month off.

A similar sentiment surrounds smartphone use, and with the advent of Phone Free February, nonprofits are now encouraging people to take the month to either drastically reduce their phone usage or refrain from using it altogether. For some, putting the phone away for 28 days is hard because they need it for work, but they can create strategies to curb their use of social media apps or texting during their free time.

What is Phone Free February?

“While phones help us achieve many important tasks, they are also designed to keep us hooked. This highly addictive design has us checking our phones an average of 221 times every day,” the Global Solidarity Foundation, an organization promoting Phone Free February, notes on its website. Jacob Warn from the organization told the Washington Post that the month is an opportunity to “get you to question what you need your phone for."

phone-free February, smartphone addiction, mental healthA couple glued to their phones.via Canva/Photos

Organizers hope that if people take some time to live phone-free, they can realize its grip on their lives. When people call giving up their phones or reducing their use a digital detox, they’re not wrong; every time we swipe through a social media app, we get minor hits of dopamine to the areas of our brains that respond to drugs like cocaine. Withdrawal from social media and other dopamine-creating apps is akin to getting off of a drug, so Phone Free February participants should consider that when deciding how they want to reduce their use.

“There is some benefit in a hard stop for some people, but I’ve also seen it backfire on people, so it depends on the person and what they want to accomplish,” Emily Hemendinger, MPH, LCSW, assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Colorado School of Medicine, writes. Particpaints should also use the month to consider long-term smartphone habits.

“Are you wanting to just take the time off and go right back to interacting with it in the same exact way after a day, or week, or month, or is there a way that you can change moving forward? There are plenty of ways we can work on improving those habits, so they don’t drag you down,” Hemendinger adds. “Digital detoxes are fine, but if you’re going back to the same behavior, you may find yourself needing more and more of these detoxes.”

Are smartphones bad for your mental health?

Another great reason to take some time off from your smartphone is to improve your mental health. Excessive smartphone use has been associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and social isolation. It’s also thought to be one of the main drivers of the recent rates of self-harm in teens and young adults.

phone-free February, smartphone addiction, mental healthA family glued to their phones.via Canva/Photos

If that’s not enough for people to reconsider their relationship with smartphones, Dino Ambrosi, founder of Project Reboot, says smartphones dominate all our free time. If you assume that the average 18-year-old today will live to the age of 90, after calculating the average time they spend sleeping, going to school, working, cooking, eating, doing chores, sleeping, and taking care of personal hygiene, today’s 18-year-olds have only 334 months of their adult lives to themselves. "Today, the average 18-year-old in the United States is on pace to spend 93% of their remaining free time looking at a screen,” Ambrosi told Upworthy.

Just as Dry January is a time to recommit ourselves to healthy drinking habits, Phone Free February is a moment to step back and reconsider our relationship with technology. Most of us joined the smartphone revolution nearly 2 decades ago, and since then, they have had an increasingly tighter grip on our lives. But the convenience of having a smartphone also comes with a cost, and that’s the most valuable thing we have in our lives: time. How much should we spend staring at a screen instead of enjoying the real beauty surrounding us?

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