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Moms get specific on how they successfully share 'family manager' duties with their spouses

Minimal partner resentment and a smoother running household? Yes, please.

mom, motherhood, family schedule, manage household, managing family

Image via Canva

Moms share tips for how to better manage family household.

Being a mom means you are a multi-tasking manager of all things household: meals, practices, appointments, and more. It's an overwhelming role that requires good organization, time management, and cooperation between spouses to keep things running smoothly.

In a Reddit parenting thread, member u/Weekendengineerr got vulnerable about the overwhelming responsibility she feels when it comes to managing her family's schedule. She shared, "The 'invisible' work of family scheduling is making me resent my partner. How do you manage [your family's schedules]?"

Fellow moms heard her plea. To help spark some idea for success as a family manager, 14 mothers shared their best family management advice and tips.

mom, moms, mother, super mom, mom life Mothers Day Snl GIF by Saturday Night Live Giphy

"We use a big calendar on the wall in the kitchen area. That way at meal time we can discuss upcoming events and the kids check it too." —u/royalic

"We do this too. Also, there is a firm rule that if it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t exist. So if you forget to put your thing on the calendar before there’s a conflict, that is your problem to deal with, not anyone else’s. That likely means calling so and so and saying 'I forgot to put you on the calendar, I have to cancel, I am now standing next to my calendar…' if it is something that can be rescheduled rather than just missed." —u/dixpourcentmerci

calendar, wall calendar, calendar, calendar gif, calendar on wall mia farrow calendar GIF Giphy

"Yes! We have a dry erase weekly calendar in the kitchen and each family member (there's only 3 of us) has a color so it's easy to see what the week looks like. Of course, I write out the calendar every Sunday so it's still on me more than my husband. But he does more than his fair share of cooking and cleaning so I don't mind being the scheduler as much." —u/on-purpose810

"I divided it. I told him from now on, you're responsible for everything regarding the kids' extracurriculars. Here's the contact info you're going to need, and this is the website. From now on, if anything is forgotten it's not my fault. Were there missteps? Yes. Did he forget stuff? Also yes. Did I relent? No. Did he eventually learn from his mistakes? Yes." —u/I-Really-Hate-Fish

"We leaned heavily into our phone calendar. We don’t use a shared google calendar but just invite each other to every appt added. It took awhile for us to get used to it but now everything from doctors appointments to potential play dates to friends flying into town to library trips are in there."—u/kitethrulife

calendar, electronic calendar, email calendar, organized, time management GIF by The Hills Giphy

"I LOVE our skylight calendar so much that I sound like a paid Skylight influencer. It has made my life 100% less stressful because it's so much easier to keep up with the schedule now. We were using 2 white board calendars on the fridge, which was okay but not helpful for longer term planning or if I was anywhere else. The app is on everyone's phone, so even my 12 year old can add things to the schedule if he learns about an extra band practice at school or something. He can also check to see if he has anything happening after school. When my husband takes the kids to the doctor and has to schedule a follow up, he can look at the app on his phone and make sure there aren't conflicts (so I don't have to call back later and reschedule 😬) The physical calendar on the kitchen counter means that it's everyone's responsibility to know something is happening, not just mine. There's a routine/chore function that's been helpful this summer and less work than (me, of course) writing a schedule on a white board every day." —u/chellerator

"What really helped us was that my partner took the majority of parenting for a while. After a few months he came to me and said 'you know the google calendar, it’s really really useful.' I just didn’t do anything. He picked up the kids, took them to practice, had to communicate if something went wrong, etc." —u/DuoNem

"A few years into our marriage I sat my husband down and I listed ALL the tasks that require my attention on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. Then I told him he had to take on some of them and get them off my plate before I lose my sh*t. It took a few weeks before it caught on without the need to revisit the list but we are now 15 years into marriage and I have not had to schedule a doctors appointment for the kids in ages, I have never stepped foot in their dentist office cuz dad does that. I don’t make breakfast or pack lunches cuz dad does that and when I’m at the grocery store he is the person I call to see if we have to get more of something. We also tried The Fair Play Deck (based on the book Fair Play by Eve Rodsky) as well which is a set of cards with tasks on it and each person chooses what tasks they will be responsible for. It was helpful to visually see the tasks piling up with each card." —u/Main_Push5429

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"A few things:

I have two big acrylic wall calendars like this in a super prominent part of the house. It covers this month and next month and everything goes on it, including regular activities, appointments, etc. I fill out all the regular stuff at the beginning of the month like practices etc. and then we add appointments as soon as they are made. I find two months really crucial because then you have some grace with the “we forgot to update it” memory lapses. https://circleandsquaredecor.com/products/frostedacrylicmonthly-thecraig-vertical0box-18-5x23
I add his phone number and email to every form I fill out so that he is also on the correspondence that gets sent out. He gets text reminders for appointments, school emails, etc.
Mine is allergic to the phone, so I still manage most phone call scheduling. But I finally was like “bro, have you ever heard of an online portal?” So now I can just be like “I need you to schedule this thing.”
Have your husband be keeper of the backpacks. He can be in charge of emptying and filling them and adding important dates to the calendar, signing permission forms, etc." —u/OneTimePSAStar

"My husband has ADHD. He is an AMAZING father and fantastic at his job. But his brain is spent in the evenings when his meds wear off. Its been a process of us working together to get him to the point of managing. We use Cozi. Our kids are a bit older (13, almost 16, and almost 19) and we have been using it for years. Everyone has it on their phones and everyone is responsible for adding any plans they make. When we implemented the calendar I really drove home that if its not on the calendar its not happening. I also 'nagged' everyone into the habit of checking it first thing every morning so they know what the day brings. Kids want to have a friend over? Check the calendar before asking. If anyone asks me when, where, or what time something is happening I simply say "Check the calendar". We also use it for some 'reminders'. For example I put on there 'Check for drivers test dates' for 30 days before my middle daughters 16th birthday. Important info is added in the notes - who is driving? Do they need to bring anything? Its taken some time and mental labor on my part but these days it runs pretty smoothly. There were failures and missed appointments along the way but we all survived." —u/sdpeasha

reminder, reminders, don't forget, helpful reminder, remind me Point Remember GIF Giphy

"We do it based on kids. I know sometimes like for dentist, you may take both, but one person does almost everything for one kids, and other person for the other. School clothes, permission slips, teacher gifts, etc and the. That person puts it in the other persons calendar too. Works pretty well." —u/mrsjlm

"Because I’m a stepmom, my husband is the one who is in charge of the scheduling in the house. Our solution is twofold: an up-to-date Google calendar, and a dry-erase calendar of the month in the kitchen. The Google calendar is what my husband and I already used individually, so we keep our personal calendars separate and just share them with each other. He also created a calendar for his kids, to help me see the custody schedule and their sports events. While he’s mostly in charge of the kids’ digital calendar, I’m the one who writes up the dry erase calendar at the beginning of every month, which shows all of our events for the coming weeks. This way, even though I’m not in charge of the scheduling, I am putting things on the calendar so that I have visibility and nothing comes as a surprise. The night before any events or hectic days, we take a minute to go over who’s driving who where the next day. Sometimes I’ll ask my husband to text it to me even though we’re talking about it in person, so that the driving part is documented and I can double check the plan if needed." —u/Anon-eight-billion

dry erase, dry erase board, dry erase calendar, dry erase gif, dry erase marker Erase Parks And Recreation GIF by PeacockTV Giphy

"Shared notes on notes app on iPhone. There is shopping lists with check boxes and when one person adds something to any of the lists or notes the other person or anyone else it’s shared with gets a notification saying who has updated one of the lists." —u/Fit_Woodpecker_3333

"Some reading that might help you both have a productive conversation together: The gender wars of household chores: a feminist comic and She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink ." —u/anonymous_redditor_0

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family schedule

The 4 words that can keep conversation flowing forever, even between socially awkward people

You can keep seamlessly transitioning to more interesting topics.

via Canva/Photos

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as in forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder A man and woman chatting.via Canva/Photos

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement: It reminds me of…”

A redditor named IsaihLikesToConnect shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun.

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”

conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April.

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JPMorgan offered return-to-office perks that are remarkably similar to the show 'Severance'

The only thing missing was a "music dance experience."

Apple TV

Adam Scott and Tramell Tillman in Severance

While remote work has been a mainstay since the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic, more and more companies are attempting to mandate that employees return to the office, on a full or part-time basis, including one now-infamous effort from JPMorgan Chase. The company announced that as of March 2025, all employees were required to return to the office five days per week. Their CEO even ditched the policy that allowed employees to work-from-home two days per week.

To mark the occasion, welcome everyone back ( and perhaps twist the knife a bit deeper?) the United State's largest bank unveiled a plan for a massive $3 billion, 2.5 millions square foot tower on New York's famous Park Avenue—which would house 14,000 workers and feature state of the art architecture and technology—in addition to loading up its new corporate headquarters with perks to help employees transition back to office life.

Some of these "perks" were truly great and truly enticing. Others were... questionable, to say the least.

Grace Tallon on LinkedIn even noticed that some of the benefits of working in the JPMorgan Office seemed like they were yanked right out of one of the most popular current TV shows on the planet: Severance.

If you don't know it, Severance is a psychological thriller on Apple TV that doubles as a dark and biting satire of corporate office culture and capitalism. Employees at a mysterious company called Lumon are "severed" — meaning their brains, memories, and personalities are literally split in half. While at work, they are a different person and retain no memories when they leave the office every night. In return for their sacrifice and for hitting key milestones, the employees receive ludicrous rewards like short dance parties with their boss, melon parties with carved watermelons, and handfuls of balloons. Employees are also expected to marvel at bizarre pieces of art that line the hall, featuring stoic images of Lumon's revered (and more than a bit creepy) founders.

Conversely, JPMorgan's new tower boasted 19-restaurants with at-your-desk delivery, an Irish pub, and on-site physical therapy and yoga. But that's not all!

Tallon notes, however, that JPMorgan also tried to entice employees with things like "personalized climate" in rooms and offices, a "signature scent" that wafts through the halls and somehow reinforced the brand, and, get this, even a "corporate art collection" that celebrates the company's history and values. Be more on the nose next time, will you JPMorgan? That's to say nothing of design elements that support worker's circadian rhythms and coffee machines that learn your favorites over time.

"Let’s stop pretending this is about connecting and doing better work," she writes.

Read Tallon's full post below on the striking similarities:

Commenters agreed that the perks came off more than a little tone deaf.

While some folks defended the corporation for doing their best to make employees feel cared for and taken care of, others didn't quite see it that way, especially when they compared it to the perks of WFH life.

"The climate in my own home office is just right. Along with my own coffee, artwork, lighting (window wide open), and other perks and it cost me zero dollars to drive there and I don't have to wear shoes! Way out of touch," wrote Alix Z.

"Those perks sound more like a high-tech museum experience than actual employee benefits. Instead of a 'signature scent,' how about giving employees real reasons to feel good about coming to work?" said Diana Alayon.

severance, linkedin, jp morgan, return to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobs Some at-home perk simply can't be beat. Photo credit: Canva

"Working at home perks: My own candle collection, curated to suit my preferences, Coffee and tea on tap, from our favourite brands, Comfortable cushions and blankets to help regulate my temperature at my desk, A variety of lighting options, ranging from warm white lamps to 'the big light', Freedom to work anywhere I want, such as my office desk, sofa, kitchen table or a coffee shop near by, Personalised art with photos of family and pictures we enjoy, Working space decorated to my own specifications, Plenty of spaces nearby for fresh air and dog walks" wrote Eloise Todd in a mic-drop comment.

There are of course benefits to working together in-person with your colleagues. And sure, if you're required to be there, nothing offsets discomfort quite like delicious lunches and free yoga classes. But to take away even the option of occasionally working from home and duct-taping over it with an algorithm that tracks coffee orders and temperature preferences, and filling the halls with strange paintings that move when employees walk by? It kind of loses the thread, and it's exactly the kind of thinking that the creators of Severance are so good at skewering.

severance, linkedin, jp morgan, retseverance, linkedin, jp morgan, return to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobsurn to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobs Mark (Adam Scott) at the infamous dance party scene in Severance. media0.giphy.com

According to Forbes, there are 6 distinct reason companies might push for a return to the office. One, corporate heads believe employees get more "immersed in the company’s values." Two, they think it's easier to monitor whether or not an employee is actually working. Three, to justify the cot of that expensive office space. Four, to foster "spontaneous collaboration." Five, to give new employees a chance to observe and interact with more seasoned worker. and six, to restore a sense of belonging within the company.

But of course, none of these things have anything to do with what people really want: Autonomy. That, in addition to fair pay, some level of flexibility, and good benefits. Perks are nice — even the kind of weird ones — but they can only go so far. It remains to be seen if companies that dictate back-to-the-office edicts are willing to follow through on the things that really matter. Please note how waffle parties did not make that list.

This article originally appeared in February

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Popular

Man's side-splitting monologue on why 'women don't want to date anymore' is eerily accurate

The women in the comments are convinced one of them snitched.

Canva Photos

A viral TikTok argues that women don't want to give up the joy of their own personal peace and freedom for anyone.

There's been a lot of discourse on the state of modern dating and a lot of theories on why it seems harder than ever for people to find connection with romantic partners. Could it be that the achievement and education gaps between men and women are altering the dynamics? Have social media and dating apps broken our brains and hearts? Do we all have unrealistic expectations and unlimited options, leading to never feeling satisfied with anything or anyone?

Those are all intriguing options, but an alternate theory has recently arisen that's quickly gaining steam: Maybe being single isn't as lonely as we think. Maybe being single is actually freaking awesome.

A guy on TikTok who goes by Get To the Point Bro shared a hilarious monologue on why women who have been single for a long time "don't want to date anymore." Women say he absolutely nailed it.

the office, andy bernard, dating, relationships, dating advice, single, romance, love The Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot on Giphy

At first, it might seem like he's poking fun, either at single women or at the men who can't seem to win them over. But not so! What he's done is perfectly captured the joy many people find in being single and, frankly, able to do whatever the hell they want.

"Some women have been single for so long they don't date anymore, they grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor's badge," he says. "You text her good morning and she's already annoyed, like 'Why are you disturbing the sacred silence of my personal growth journey?'"

He goes on, "Bro she's been sleeping diagonally in her bed for three years, she's not giving up that territory because you opened the door and paid for coffee."

"You plan a cute date, she's thinking 'That sounds nice but also I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12 steps skincare routine, order sushi and not have to listen to a man breathe.'"

"You try to check in emotionally, 'How are you feeling?' She's feeling fantastic because you're not here."

"You're not competing with other guys. There are no other guys. You're competing with her weighted blanket, her peace, her cat named Chairman Meow, and the simple joy of not having to share her fries."

These are just a few of the best lines from the nearly 2-minute rant, all delivered in the most amazing French accent you can imagine. Please, enjoy:

@gettothepointbro
DATING A GIRL WHO IS USED TO BE ALONE CAN BE VERY HARD .

The best thing about the video is the discussion in the comments. Women want to know how this man got access to this top-secret information. The rant is so eerily, frighteningly accurate that women are convinced this French guy is living in their heads. That, or someone's secretly leaking intel.

"dammit. somebody call a meeting of the council. he knows too much."

"I dont often offer this compliment to the male species but you explained it better than I ever could."

"Alright, who’s told him this info??? So exposed right now"

"The joy of sleeping diagonally across my bed cannot be fully explained."

"This is the most accurate profiling I’ve ever heard. You absolutely ailed it."

Clearly, we've tapped into a real phenomenon here.

@gettothepointbro
CAN YOU RELATE LADIES ? THAT’S WHY WE LOVE YOU ❤️

The truth is that many people—both men and women—are disillusioned with the sad state of the dating scene these days. App burnout is a real thing, and meeting new people in real life is a ton of work. So, it's no surprise that more and more people are just choosing to stay single and enjoy all the perks that come along with it. This is a stark change, especially for women.

According to FiveThirtyEight, "Women were also more likely than men to say that they weren’t dating because they have other priorities right now." Priorities like travel, career, friendship, and even just self-care—all things that wind up taking a backseat when people get involved in relationships. It wasn't too long ago that women of a certain age that were still single were called "spinsters," but that word has lost a significant amount of power. This new generation of women aren't embarrassed or ashamed to be single; they're loving it for exactly all the reasons this video describes.

This article originally appeared in April.

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No booze at all? As more people go alcohol-free, debates over dry weddings heat up.

Some folks have strong feelings about this, but some dry wedding tips can help.

Photo credit: Canva

Some couples choose to have no alcohol served at their wedding. It's an issue for some people.

People's relationships with alcohol run the gamut from "never touched it, never will" to full-blown alcoholism, with a wide range of preferences, experiences, and expectations along that spectrum. Most of the time, it's easy to take a live-and-let-live approach to other people's choices, but if there's one place where people seem to clash when it comes to alcohol offerings, it's weddings.

Objectively, a couple has the right to offer or not offer anything they wish at their wedding, but depending on your social circles, there may be certain "norms" that are expected. For some people, alcohol at weddings is an unquestioned norm that they simply can't imagine not having, which makes the movement toward dry weddings—ones that offer no alcohol whatsoever—a sticking point.

— (@)

In fact, in debates over the idea, some go so far as to say they flat out won't attend a wedding if they know there won't be alcohol. Some feel it's rude not to serve alcohol to guests, even if the couple themselves don't partake, because it's a social event and people expect it. Others say the wedding is for the couple—it's their day, and they can create any kind of wedding they wish. Some people assume a wedding won't be as much fun if there's no alcohol, while others say dry weddings are some of the best weddings they've been to.

Opinions are all over the place on the topic with strong feelings on all sides. Here's a sampling of what people say:

"I would not be phased by a dry wedding if it were a smaller event. I’d actually prefer it as I don’t drink much at all. However, a wedding with 100 guests is not a small wedding and I think it’s a social norm/expectation for there to be alcohol at these kinds of celebrations. Whether that’s arguably a good thing or not is up for debate, however I know plenty of people who would be thoroughly disappointed and think the night was less fun because of there being no alcohol."

— (@)

"It very much depends on where you’re from and your social circle. If you’re from the Bible Belt and your entire wedding and reception takes place in a church function hall, then no- a dry wedding would very much be normal. If you’re Mormon or another religion that is anti-alcohol, it would be totally expected. Also, if one or both of you were in recovery I think it would also be totally fine.

If you’re not in one of the above groups or on a significantly reduced budget, it is generally seen as faux pas to not provide alcohol in some form at your wedding as you are the host of the party. Even the weddings with limited budgets that I’ve been to, still opt to host beer and wine for the satisfaction of the guests. The reception is a thank you to your guests for celebrating your marriage (and presumably for the gifts they will be giving)."

— (@)

"Being a good host means taking care of your guests. Not causing pain from no where to sit, not making them stay hungry, not making them stay thirsty, etc.

Not providing alcohol at a wedding is absolutely not the same as being a bad host. There are so many ways to make your drinks fun and celebratory without including alcohol in them. Mocktails and coffee are great! Especially if you have some options that are less sweet- typically a lot of mocktails tend to be super sugary, but if you have some that are more herbal/dry, that would fill that need."

"I come from a family of alcoholics and would love a dry wedding. Unfortunately there will be alcohol at my wedding but alcohol is a major trigger for my ptsd. I know a lot of people who don’t drink, it’s not as uncommon as you think."

— (@)

"I think a dry wedding is a wonderful idea, especially if you are going to offer mock tails or have a coffee bar. especially if coffee if kind of your guys thing. I would love to attend a reception with a coffee bar! just remember, it’s your day and you can have it how ever you want. and if you don’t want alcohol because neither of you really drink, that is okay!!"

"There's no etiquette rule that requires alcohol at a wedding. Food is required if the reception takes place during a meal time, but alcohol never is."

wedding food, wedding dinner, dry wedding, wedding, alcohol, no alcohol Food is a reasonable expectation at a wedding. Alcohol? Not so fast.Photo credit: Canva

Appropriate etiquette for dry weddings

There has been a societal shift away from alcohol in recent years, which may make it easier for people who want an alcohol-free wedding for health, recovery, religious, or simply personal preference reasons. However, because alcohol has traditionally been an expectation at weddings and still is for many people, there are some things couples can do to keep their dry wedding from being viewed in a negative light.

- Inform your guests beforehand that alcohol won't be served. Many people say they don't mind a dry wedding as long as they know ahead of time what to expect.

- Offer fancy non-alcoholic drink alternatives. A mocktail bar, coffee bar, italian soda bar, etc. can help create a festive atmosphere and bridge the gap for people who are used to having a drink in their hand.

wedding, wedding drinks, dry wedding, mocktails, alcohol free There are lots of non-alcoholic alternatives that can make a wedding feel festive.Photo credit: Canva

- Provide fun activities that get people moving and socializing. I've been to many dry weddings where people danced their socks off, so it's not like alcohol is necessary for a fun party. But for those who rely on alcohol to be a social lubricant, having ways to get guests mingling and engaging in fun activities together can help.

- Make your guests laugh. Many people associate alcohol with having a good time, and laughter is a great way to create that feeling. Maybe set up a photo booth with silly props, or have a light-hearted roast, or hire a DJ with a great sense of humor.

- Consider getting married at an earlier time in the day. If you want a dry wedding and know that a lot of your guests will expect to have alcohol, having a morning or mid-day wedding can help ease that expectation. Most people don't expect to drink in the morning.

- If you're a guest, don't complain. A couple's wedding is about them, so let it truly be about them. Even if you hate the idea of being sober for the evening, keep it to yourself and respect their right to have their wedding day be what they envisioned. If you must, go out before or after the wedding for drinks.

Ultimately, it's up to a couple getting married to decide what to serve and what not to serve their guests, but with some thoughtfulness and open-mindedness on everyone's part, the big day can be a fun and festive celebration of love and commitment no matter what people are drinking.

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Oncologists share 15 surprising things they personally do (and don't do) to prevent cancer

“I used to drink very hot coffee but I drink it warm now since very hot drinks damage esophagus can cause esophageal cancer.”

Photo credit: Canva

Oncologist shares their own personal tips to help prevent cancer

Nearly all of us know a loved one who has been diagnosed with cancer. Many of us have it ourselves, and there’s been an alarming increase of young people (under 50) receiving diagnoses. All this to say, a large number of us might be wondering what changes can be made in order to stave off the disease.

A few oncologists, along with a few other alleged medical professionals, shared what they personally do (or don’t do), given what they know about cancer. There might be a few discrepancies in opinions here—particularly in how strict to be with alcohol—but it does paint a good picture about how to create a lifestyle that can help prevent a visit to their office.

Here are 15 of our favorites, and many of them go beyond the usual "get diet and exercise" fare:

1. They don’t ignore their symptoms, or allow for any medical gaslighting

cancer, cancer prevention, how to avoid cancer, cancer causing foods, what causes cancer, oncologist, oncologist near me A woman describing he symptoms to her doctor. Photo credit: Canva

“Cancer nurse here. If you get any unusual symptoms such as lethargy, swollen glands, pain, weight loss, night sweats, a cough that won’t go away etc go get a simple blood test. If you’re bloated, have abdomen or back pain, changes in urine colour, headaches that persists, breathing changes, get an Xray/CT/ultrasound. If your GP dismisses you and doesn’t investigate at all… go get a better GP. The amount of patients that have been diagnosed late have usually been to their GP a few times and not had any tests performed. You can’t always prevent cancer but you can certainly catch it early and give yourself a better chance of beating it.”

“It’s heartbreaking when people ignore symptoms and don’t get diagnosed until the cancer is too advanced for treatment to be helpful.”

2. They avoid alcohol. Pretty much at all times.

“I hate to tell you this but it’s alcohol. It directly causes at least seven kinds of cancer. Twenty years from now we will talk about alcohol the way we talk about cigarettes today.”

3. Same goes for smoking.

“DO NOT SMOKE. It doesn’t matter what it is, no smoking.”

4. For the love of all that is holy, they wear sunscreen.

cancer, cancer prevention, how to avoid cancer, cancer causing foods, what causes cancer, oncologist, oncologist near me A mom applying sunscreen onto her child. Photo credit: Canva

“My best piece of advice is WEAR SUNSCREEN and get your moles and spots checked. Health insurance typically covers a yearly total skin check at a dermatologist.”

5. They cut off any burnt pieces of food.

"My father was a genetics professor, and he also said not to eat any charred black food. That goes for toast, veggies, pizza crust, and especially meat. It can lead to DNA damage and mutations that lead to cancer. He just trims off the charred parts of steak and whatever else is burned."

6. They eat a balanced diet and don’t rely on supplements to “fix” anything.

“Moderation is more important than ‘magical’ ideas about certain foods. Rather than thinking that some food or even some additive causes cancer or, alternatively, some berry or supplements prevent it, think about balance. Red meat isn’t ‘poison’ but 15 servings a week isn’t wise.”

“As someone who grew up with an oncologist in the family (though they are now retired), I can share: They don’t eat red meat. They eat a balanced diet of fish/poultry, lots of fruits & vegetables, and 1 sweet a day.”

7. They take their coffee lukewarm.

“I used to drink very hot coffee but I drink it warm now since very hot drinks damage esophagus can cause esophageal cancer.”

8. They don’t put food in the microwave.

“Use as little plastic as possible for food storage and drinkware (glass is best!) and never put plastic in the microwave.”

9. They don’t use toxic chemical on their lawn.

cancer, cancer prevention, how to avoid cancer, cancer causing foods, what causes cancer, oncologist, oncologist near me A person using herbicide on their lawn. Photo credit: Canva

“Hematopathologist here. I never use herbicide (weed treatments) on my lawn. I’ve seen too many childhood leukemias/lymphomas, especially in children of parents who work in lawn care.”

10. They…don’t join the military?

“The number of people who developed cancer because of something they were exposed to while serving is just mind-blowing (camp lejeune, asbestos in the navy, the tar pits, agent orange, etc etc etc).”

11. They say no to food coloring.

“Food coloring… we are just figuring out how toxic it is. Tartazine in relish and what that vibrant color in your Aperol Spritz?”

12. They advise against taking vitamins for those who already have cancer.

“Something that always surprise my breast cancer patients is when I tell them to avoid vitamins specially antioxidants, as they could be associated with more risk of recurrence and dying from cancer if you take them while on cancer treatment, or even before treatment. There is a lot of information regarding this issue with contradictory results, but until we get better information it is logical to be cautious about vitamins.”

13. They pay attention to the amount of heavy metals in their food.

“I’m also very cautious about cheap spices and tofu – they can be contaminated with heavy metals (spices) and paraformaldehyde (tofu) both of which should not be consumed in any quantity.”

14. They’re pro-HPV vaccine.

“A huge fan of the HPV vaccination for both males and females. So many preventable cervical and head/neck cancers.”

15. And anti-antibiotics…at least in excess.

cancer, cancer prevention, how to avoid cancer, cancer causing foods, what causes cancer, oncologist, oncologist near me A bottle of antibiotics. Photo credit: Canva

“Protect your gut microbiome from unnecessary antibiotics. Our healthy bacteria keeps our immune system in balance and is linked to better cancer surveillance.”

However, it’s also worth noting that several oncologists chimed in to say that you can make all the perfect lifestyle choices in the world, have zero genetic risks, and still end up getting a cancer diagnosis. Yes, there’s many reasons to still make healthy choices, but one can’t simply blame themselves if they do end up unlucky. But keeping these things in mind does so much to, potentially, add not only years of life, but quality to those extended years. In the end, that's all any of us can really hope for—as many happy, healthy days as we can possibly accumulate before the time comes.

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