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The best parenting advice I've read in a long time: Someone will always criticize you.

You can't please everyone!

parenting, children, community, confidence

Parenting children requires some serious balancing skills.

This article originally appeared on 03.08.16


Like most parents, I didn't know what I was doing when I first became a mom — because I'd never done it before.

I was 27 when our first child joined our family through adoption. He was 10 months old.

My son and me shortly after his adoption. That look on my face can probably best be described as "clueless but hopeful." All photos of my kids and me belong to me.



I'd read everything I could get my hands on — books, articles, blog posts, and a whole lot more — in the year leading up to his adoption. So I had some solid book knowledge. But real life experience? Nah.

Sure, I babysat as a teenager, and I was a really good parent before I actually became one. However, as most parents know, parenting is very much a learn-as-you-go gig. We use the abstract knowledge we arm ourselves with and apply it the best we can while trying to keep our heads above water.

My husband and I made some mistakes, and we did some things brilliantly.

We faced a lot of challenges — both the regular ones that all new parents encounter and some more complex ones because our son spent 10 months in an orphanage before we became his parents. But we felt pretty good about our family, and we gained confidence as parents.

We thought: "Hey, we like this parenting thing. And we're decent at it. We're not the worst. Let's do it again!"

So less than a year and a half later, I became a second-time mom when we adopted our daughter, Molley.

My daughter and me on her first birthday, about four months after she joined our family.

She was eight months old — and just as amazing as our son. After she was with us for about six months and we'd overcome some serious health challenges, her personality began to develop, and I quickly realized something:

I had no idea what I was doing.

Seriously, no idea.

All of that parenting experience I'd gained with my son did. not. apply. to. this. child.

She was a different person with a totally different personality, and those magical "skills" I'd allowed myself to think I'd developed were basically useless.

She was spirited and clever, kind and thoughtful, inquisitive and skeptical, opinionated and insistent.

And did I mention spirited?

After the first time she threw herself down on the ground in public and proceeded to scream bloody murder — probably when she was around 15 months old — because she wasn't interested in whatever I'd suggested, I called my mom.

Not my child. But it totally could have been.

"What's happening?" I asked. "Mattix never did this. What even is going on here?! The world is ending. Send help STAT!"

As moms often do, she imparted upon me some words of wisdom: Kids aren't carbon copies of each other. And sometimes, we have to do everything differently ... even when what we did before worked.

So that's what I did.

What Laditan wrote is a variation of what many parents have said and believed since, well, the beginning of time.

Yes, it takes a village. And no, we shouldn't parent in a silo. We benefit greatly from the help of friends and family and sometimes even complete strangers. But when it comes down to it, there's a wide space between "best parent ever" and "worst parent on the planet" — and as long as we're trying hard and landing somewhere slightly to the left of the middle, we're probably doing just fine.

So unless we see actual abuse, we should probably just keep our mouths shut or maybe offer a few encouraging words or a small sign of solidarity to the other parents in the trenches. 'Cause it's very likely that they're doing their best, too.

You know the thing about "good parents?" There's not just one type.

That's why I absolutely loved a recent post by mom and author Bunmi Laditan. She's the comedic genius behind Honest Toddler on Twitter. (If you have young kids and you find humor to be a coping mechanism for the hard stuff parenting throws at you, do yourself a favor and follow her.) She also keeps us laughing, nodding our heads, and even crying a little with her Facebook posts.

But this one in particular is something every parent should read:

She writes:

"If you work, you're missing your kid's childhood. If you stay home, you're wasting your education and not giving them an example of a strong, independent woman. If you're a strict disciplinarian, your children will be stunted emotionally with damaged spirits. If you practice gentle parenting, you're raising a future serial killer.
\n\nIf you homeschool, your child will never be able to succeed in society and will live in your basement playing World of Warcraft and and attend furry conventions forever. If they go to private school, they'll be elitist snobs. If they go to public school, good luck because they'll be on heroin before 7th grade and are probably pregnant right now.
\n\n\n\nIf you have only one child, they're going to be lonely and when you die, they'll have no one. If you have two of the same sex, how sad for you- surely you'll try for the opposite gender? If you have three or more, you're contributing to the collapse of the environment, imminent extinction of all protected species and overpopulation with your freakishly large family.
\n\n\n\nIf you're raising a vegan, you're annoying and your child's bones are surely brittle as hell. If your kids eat meat, you're a ruthless murderer and don't you know sausage causes cancer? If your kids can't have sugar, you're denying them a proper childhood. If your kids can have sugar, you're setting them up for a life of obesity and a snack cake addiction.
\n\n\n\nIf you breastfed, it was either for too long or not long enough and please do it under a tarp in a pitch black room because nobody wants to see your sex breasts. If you didn't breastfeed, your child will never know true love, good health, or a real mother's love.
\n\n\n\nThe moral of the story is, when it comes to parenting, there is always someone who'll think you're doing it all wrong so unless they're paying your bills, just do you."

After hearing the highest of praises and the lowest of insults when my daughter was younger, that's the mental space I had to get myself to.

I kept on keeping on, and you know what? It's going great. We got through our rough period that lasted about three years — until Molley was around 5 — and landed in a really positive place. We have an amazing relationship, and she continues to be a remarkable human being.

She even got me over my hatred of selfies!

Molley is 7.5 now and the past few years of parenting her have been an incredible experience — fun, humbling, interesting, and, of course, hard sometimes. We recently learned after some extensive testing that she's "gifted."

Her 7.5-year-old brain has the logical reasoning and comprehension abilities of a child 10 years old, and her vocabulary is many grade levels above that of a typical second-grader. It all kind of makes sense now — all of those hard times we had — and I'm so glad I didn't let the opinions of others dictate what I did or didn't do.

Being silly at lunch one day.

Did I make mistakes? Of course I did. Any parent who says otherwise is being dishonest. But I made choices that I felt were best for my child, and in the end, they were generally good ones. Had those strangers who wanted to make me feel like the worst mother ever been successful, maybe we wouldn't be in such a good place now. I'm certain we'll encounter bumps and challenges in the future because that's what happens with parenting and kids. But I know we can handle whatever comes up.

I parented her the way I felt would work best, adjusting as we went.

I did most things differently than I had with Mattix, all in response to her needs. It just so happens that parenting Molley in public was a bit more of a spectacle, as she was a lot more vocal and physical about her displeasure, which she seemed to experience often.

I didn't allow us to interrupt other people's dining or shopping experiences. But on the sidewalk, at the park, in the parking lot, at the super-noisy pizzeria where we could barely even hear ourselves talk because it was so loud ... we did our thing. If she hurled her sippy cup or dropped her stuffed animal and then promptly hit the deck to really drive home the point about how annoyed she was with me, we waited there until she got up herself, picked up her stuff, and walked on her own.

Sometimes that took five minutes. Sometimes it took 45. It turns out that we're well-matched in the stubbornness department, and I truly felt that what we were doing was best.

Parenting her at home was quite different, too, but nobody was around to judge that.

I'd noticed things about Molley that were different. She was incredibly verbal by 12 months old — she had hundreds of words and spoke in sentences. By 18 months old, she'd go to her room when she was mad and stay there for hours, waiting me out, declining my offers to join the rest of us.

I was certainly learning as I went, but I knew one thing for sure: I couldn't parent her like a typical child. Because she wasn't a typical child. And that meant people, especially strangers, had lots of opinions.

I learned a few things very quickly: First, a lot of people want you to know exactly what they think of your parenting skills and style.

The second thing I learned is that there's no consistency to others' opinions. One person would walk by us, doing our thing on the sidewalk during a meltdown, and tell me what a wonderful, patient mother I was and how my daughter was going to grow into a respectful, good person because of what I was doing.

Five minutes later, another person would encounter us in the exact same situation and loudly comment about what a terrible mother I was and remark upon me being "the reason kids are so awful these days."

It happened all the time. The fact that we obviously look so different from each other probably made us stand out a bit more, but I think this is something all parents of spirited children encounter. People would even take photos of us with their smartphones. Now that I think about it, I wonder how many "shame on this parent" Facebook posts we were featured in.

It didn't take me long to tune out the negative, focus on my children and myself, and put my energy into being the best parent I could be, the opinions of strangers notwithstanding.

Still, it's not fun to constantly hear you suck because you're not doing something the way someone else thinks you should.

Parenting is fantastic — it's the best part of life I've ever undertaken — and it's a lot of work. As rewarding as it is, it can be physically tiring (OMG my kids didn't sleep when they were babies), and it can be emotionally draining.

My kids and me, shortly after our daughter joined our family. Ohhh, the look of sweet naiveté on my face...

Most of us are doing the best we can. We're reaching out and asking for help and advice when we want or need it. We're reading everything we can. We're adjusting our techniques and reactions when they're not working. In the interest of keeping it real, some of us will admit we're crying on the floor of our bedroom closet on occasion.

All of that is because we care. We love our kids. We want to be good parents for them.


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Life can be bleak, so we’re going to be celebrating the small joys while we can—whether that’s asweet snack that boosts your mood (courtesy of our friends atAll In), or a picture so incredibly goofy it restores your faith in the algorithm (even if only for a second). These momentary mood boosters are everywhere you look—you just have to be able to find them underneath all the noise. And that’s where we come in.

Consider this weekly web series your cheat sheet to the best of the Internet—not just random memes to make you laugh, but examples of people truly finding something extraordinary in the mundane. Each Friday we'll be delivering five pieces of media that allow you to stop for a second, take a breath, and feel just a little bit brighter among the daily stress. (Think of us as your chronically online bestie who knows exactly how to make you smile, exactly when you need it the most.)

Ready to smile? Here we go.

1. Unplanned triplets 

@murdockmultiples The first of many family reactions to our spontaneous triplet news! Telling my parents we were expecting spontaneous triplets 👶🏻👶🏻👶🏻 And yes my dad didn’t understand that “Baby B” meant twins at first 😂 #spontaneoustriplets #tripletreaction #triplets #murdockmultiples #murdocktriplets #surprisetriplets ♬ original sound - Murdock Multiples

Pregnancy reveals are always fun to watch, but this one is three times as exciting. In this viral TikTok clip, these new grandparents get exciting news when their adult daughter tells them she is pregnant with twins. But wait–there’s more. In what’s probably the shock of their lives, she then reveals that, on second glance, there’s a third baby in there. As in, spontaneous triplets. Three babies. Unplanned. Their reaction is both adorable and totally real: “I don’t even KNOW people with triplets!” Congrats, grandpa–you’re the people, now!

2. Little moments of morning joy

This week, the All In crew is polling people on the streets of New York City about small, everyday things in the morning that bring people joy, from gorgeous greenery to the early morning sun catching the light in just the right way. Just listening to these is making us feel super relaxed.

3. This teacher doing the absolute most for Pride Month

@joey_.veres Mr. Folnsbee the ally that you are @nadipowers @lanie @Fatty ♬ suono originale - 𝙎𝙊𝙁𝙏𝙇𝙔

Meet Mr. Folnsbee, a high school teacher from Horseheads, New York who’s taking Pride Month to the next level. In support of Pride Month (and, presumably, the LGBTQIA+ students at his high school), Folnsbee lets students bedazzle his head with rainbow gemstones—so much so that it looks like a giant, glittering Pride flag. Talk about setting a good example for the next generation!

4. The "goodnight" trend 

@sydsacks I’ve been cracking up at this trend so I made Peter call his besties to say goodnight 🤪 #goodnight #besties ♬ original sound - syd

Calling a friend and wishing them goodnight is a sweet gesture, right? What if the person you were calling was someone you haven’t spoken to in years, or someone with whom you’re just a casual acquaintance? That’s what people are doing in this new TikTok “prank,” and the results are so funny they’ll have you crying. They’re also so sweet, as the responses range from being confused but polite, to wanting to have a long conversation, to being genuinely concerned for the caller’s mental health. It might be a “prank,” but it definitely shows how much we all truly need human connection.

5. Spontaneous street singing

This could only happen in New York City. Instagram users @sabrinakvictor and @thecoryterrell — who were strangers before this video — shared a moment recently on a chance meeting in NYC when the two started singing the exact same song. Watch as the two of them vibe out to "Impossible" by James Arthur and try not to smile or sing along as you watch them (it's actually impossible). The joy here is actually contagious—and the harmonies are on point.

For even more “extra”-ordinary moments, come find us on social media (@upworthy) or on upworthy.com!

For scrumptious snacks that add an extra boost of joy to your day, be sure to check out All In.

Image via Canva

Frugal people open up about how they save money.

Saving money is never a bad thing. And for those looking for economical solutions for how to cut back on spending, a smart place to start is taking an inventory of your spending habits and what you buy.

In an online forum of frugal people, member TS1664 posed the question to fellow savvy financial members: "What’s something you stopped buying completely and don’t miss at all?"

They continued, "For me it’s paper towels. Switched to rags and microfiber cloths a year ago and haven’t looked back. I used to go through a roll a week without thinking, now I just toss the cloths in with regular laundry. Saves money and space."

And they ended the post with some more insight. "It made me realize how many things I was buying out of habit, not need. What things others have cut out completely that turned out to be no big deal or even better without. Could use some inspiration!"

The callout garnered some excellent real-life advice from frugal people. These are 30 things that thrifty people shared they stopped buying completely that helped save them money.

save money, saving money, money habits, money advice, savingMake It Rain Money GIF by A Little Late With Lilly SinghGiphy

"Dryer sheets." Super-Examination594

"Starbucks - bought an espresso machine, took some time to learn how to dial it in and pull a proper shot. It’s been 4+ Years and don’t miss it one bit." Fox_137

"Makeup! Used to wear it every day and buy tons of it to try new products and such. Now I only wear it for special occasions. It works great — even just a little bit of makeup really pops when you hardly ever wear any." VerschwendeMeineZeit

"Soda. Too expensive now. Pre-pandemic, sometimes Kroger would have a sale (4) 12-packs for $10." NotJimIrsay

"Cigarettes 😊." rickety_picket

bottled water, bottled waters, water, plastic water bottle, water martial arts water GIFGiphy

"Bottled water." WorriedPermission872

"Most fast food but especially McDonald's and bk. When I paid $20 for two adults' meals, it stopped making sense, and I'll cook better burgers and better sides fries at home for less." diegothengineer

"Cable tv subscription." nombreusuario

"Pizza delivery service. Frozen meals are just as unhealthy, but much cheaper." The_Keri2

"We started our pizza making journey by buying dough (under $2) at trader joe's. it really lowered the barrier to entry. once we kind of perfected the bake etc, we started playing with dough recipes until we found one we loved. it sounds painful but it was a good learning experience and fun to do together." suddenlymary

candles, candle, scented candle, buying candles, glass candlechristmas sniffs GIF by TargetGiphy

"I stopped buying scented candles. I used to grab them all the time on impulse, but they’re expensive, don’t last that long, and honestly gave me headaches half the time. Now I just open a window or boil some citrus peels with cloves if I want the place to smell nice." HollisWhitten

"Cigarettes and nicotine pouches! Been smoke free since august 2021 and pouch free since July 2024 :)." HueLord3000

"Amazon Prime. We stopped paying for the privilege of shopping and making money for Bozo. Now, we just put stuff in the cart until there is enough for free shipping. I don’t miss Prime, I never found anything on Prime video I wanted to watch once that wasn’t a rental. We live in a rural village, so online is cheaper than driving 25 to 50 miles to a store." cwsjr2323

lottery, lotto, lottery ticket, scratch off, scratch offsAnimation Scratch Off GIFGiphy

"Lottery tickets." evissamnoisis

"Hair color. I’ve embraced the gray!" phishinfordory

"I’ll add sandwich bread. I started making my own. It costs just over $1 for me to make a small loaf that’s just enough for the 2 of us for a week. Plus no additives or preservatives." BeerWench13TheOrig

"Books. I go to the library." Significant-Emu1855

library, library card, library book, books, readingDog Glasses GIF by County of Los AngelesGiphy

"Broth. Have an ongoing 'broth bag' going in the freezer. Once I run out of frozen broth cubes, I make another round." Colorfulplaid123

"New clothes from shops! I'm now a charity shop and Vinted gal, my clothes are so much better quality and I spend less." CorinaPhoto

"Bidet toilet seat is cheap, easy to install, much easier and faster to use, and most importantly will keep you far cleaner while not wasting any toilet paper." hopopo

"Menstrual products. Bought a menstrual cup back in 2016 and have not looked back." simply-misc

"Chip clips. I buy cheap old wooden clothespins! Works great and if they break, no biggie. It’s $2 for 24. I also use clear shower caps for dishes I have no lids for or it’s something that can’t have a lid, like deviled eggs. I use the shower caps. Much cheaper than those bowl covers they sell 8-12 in a pack for $1.25. Those bowl covers are kind of pricey and you get 1 large and 2 mediums and a bunch of tiny ones!!" Florida1974

alcohol, quit alcohol, drinks, pour out, drinkingPour One Out Malt Liquor GIFGiphy

"Alcohol." Fit_Artichoke_523

"Baked beans in the can, I literally keep everything on hand to make it so it was an excess purchase. Instant rice packs, I make regular rice, 20 minutes is not that long 😆 We keep getting gifted napkins but we don’t purchase them." Miss_Pouncealot

"Soap in a pump bottle. Switched to bars (Costco). So much value, less trash and plastic, and a better experience. Why did we invent pump bottle soap??" thebiglebowskiisfine



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A dad takes his child on a stroller ride.

Kalvin Bridgewater couldn't quite put his finger on why he felt so off after his newborn daughter arrived. Sure, he was exhausted—babies can cause that. His wife was suffering with crying jags and anxiety, which, as a society, we often pinpoint as postpartum depression. They sought help for her, but Kalvin's mental health continued to decline.

He shares on his website, "I didn't even notice how much I was changing myself. My health was declining and my weight went from 200 to 265 from stress eating—food became my only comfort from what I now know was postpartum depression."

The National Library of Medicine reports that postpartum depression in men can occur soon after a child is born. "It is frequently reported in mothers but can also occur in fathers. There are no established criteria for PPD in men, although it could present over the course of a year, with symptoms of irritability, restricted emotions, and depression."

Bridgewater shares that one day he took their baby for a walk in a stroller. He was joined by about four other dads who would also take their babies for walks together. They started calling themselves the Daddy Stroller Social Club. "This grew to 75 to 100 dads coming out to these events," he shares on a TikTok video that's chyron reads, "These dads turned stroller walks into a powerful support group."

We see the words "Because fatherhood is better together," as Bridgewater continues: "We just started bonding, socializing and creating a community for dads. If we're able to share the knowledge that we receive and get the extra tools. That wasn't passed down to us. To not just be a better father—be a better husband, somebody better in the community."

Daddy Stroller Social Club (DSSC), their website makes clear, "was born out of a need for community. The vision was inspired by Eve Akins, a Dallas doula and her community of young mothers that get together on the weekends and uplift each other."

The key for DSSC is not only to bond with one another and to be better fathers and partners, but also to spread the word about this rather common mental affliction. "We are committed to de-stigmatizing paternal postpartum depression through community-building, advocacy, outreach, and storytelling. By amplifying the voices of fathers and promoting early intervention, we aim to create a space where fathers and father-figures can access communal support, education, and the wellness services they need in order to be functioning caretakers of their family unit."

The TikTok and Instagram comments—of which there are many—are incredibly supportive. One person writes, "This movement is powerful and priceless."

On an Instagram reel where the DSSC writes "Propaganda we're not falling for:" they list, in part, "Boys will be boys. Toxic masculinity. Gender roles. Rest equals laziness." A commenter writes, "This is great that you all are dismantling the myths, men go through their own postpartum journey! A lot of my clients are males going through difficulty adjusting to this new phase of life. Let’s continue to normalize this."

And one of the most exciting parts? What began in Dallas/Ft. Worth has now spread to chapters around the country. They're called "strides," and they are rolling out quickly—from Atlanta to Los Angeles to Philly and more.

It's concrete proof that just taking that (literal) first step can make positive change, not just for one person, but for an entire community.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and a scene at a restaurant.

Have you ever met somebody new and wondered if they were a good person with a mischievous streak or a bad person who can turn on the charm and behave occasionally? Determining someone’s true moral character is important, especially if you start dating them or have a business relationship. It is crucial to get to the core of who they are and know whether they can be trusted.

Popular TikTok philosopher and Substack writer Juan de Medeiros recently shared a great way to determine whether someone is good or bad. His rubric for judging someone’s moral character comes from a quote commonly attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, a German poet, playwright, novelist, and intellectual known for works like Faust and The Sorrows of Young Werther.

How can you tell if someone is a good or a bad person?

“Here's a pretty good indicator that somebody is a bad person and vice versa, how you can spot a good one. And this goes back to a simple rule, a moral aphorism by Goethe in which he writes, ‘Never trust someone who is unkind to those who can do nothing for him,’” de Medeiros shared in a TikTok video with over 45,000 views.

“Never trust someone who is unkind to those who can do nothing for him,” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

@julianphilosophy

Good vs. bad #good #bad #wisdom

De Medeiros then provided real-world ways to determine whether the person you have questions about is good or bad. “A bad person is unfriendly to strangers, to the elderly, to children, to service staff, to anybody they're not trying to impress,” he said. At the same time, the good person treats people equally, no matter what they can do for him. They’re good for goodness sake, not to get anything out of it.

“A good person carries grace within them and shares it freely with abundance. A good person treats other people as they would like to be treated as well. And it doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter what your status is, they will treat you and see you as their equal,” de Medeiros said.


What is 'The Waiter Rule'?

Goethe’s quote echoes the common red/green flag test that many people have on dates. Sure, it's important if your date is courteous and treats you well on the date, but you really want to watch how they interact with the server. The rule is often called “The Waiter Rule,” outlined by William Swanson. Swanson, the former chairman and CEO of Raytheon Company, wrote in his book, 33 Unwritten Rules of Management, "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter—or to others—is not a nice person." Boxer Muhammad Ali is also known for saying something similar: "I don't trust anyone who's nice to me but rude to the waiter. Because they would treat me the same way if I were in that position."


Rudeness toward the waitstaff also indicates that the person isn’t very smart. It’s not wise to be rude to someone who is in charge of your meal for the night.

Conversely, a good person is kind to others without looking for anything in return because they want to spread joy and believe that others deserve respect. You are what you do, not what you think or believe, and when someone treats others with goodness, it's a clear indicator of the type of person they are.

In the end, we are all a mixed bag of behaviors and attitudes, and even the most perfect of us has a devil on their shoulder telling them that it’s okay to occasionally get into a bit of mischief. However, when it comes down to determining someone's core character, how they treat those who can do nothing for them says everything.

This article originally appeared in April.

Education & Information

People share 15 real ways they escaped living paycheck to paycheck

"Be willing to accept that you might not be entitled to the lifestyle you have."

Image via Canva

People reveal their financial strategies for no longer living paycheck to paycheck.

Living paycheck to paycheck is becoming the norm in the United States. According to the United States Interagency Council on Homelessness, more than half of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. It is a financial reality that has many looking for financial solutions and frugal living habits to get ahead.

On Reddit, member @_DontStayTheSame_ posed the question: "How in the hell do you escape living paycheck to paycheck?"

People who have figured out how to successfully avoid living paycheck to paycheck chimed in. These are 15 of the best financial tips and advice they offered.

save money, saving money, paycheck to paycheck, frugal living, financesMoney Invest GIF by Sara DietschyGiphy

"Take everything I have done pre 35 and do the exact opposite. Only use your credit cards for things you will be able to pay off quickly. If you are buying a car and thinking "That is close but I can do it" for the payment, find a cheaper car. Do what you can to live below your means. If you are a smoker, quit." —User Unknown

"Living below your means is key." —@Orual309

"Better advice would be to find ways to improve your income but live below your means while you do so you can save up enough to improve your situation long term. Too many people raise their lifestyle with their income without ever taking the time to set themselves up for long term financial stability. That’s how you get people making six figures but somehow still living payday to payday. Obviously if you only make enough to survive until your next pay there’s nothing you can do financially to fix that, it has to be some other kind of change enabling you to make more money like going to school or just applying for better jobs." —@Sparcrypt

for shizzle, for real, money saving tips, save money, money adviceColin Jost Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

"I might get some hate for this but... Live with your parents or only rent a room. Yes rent is expensive as hell and it sucks but sometimes you gotta suck it up and just get roommates. Easier to live with roommates than paycheck to paycheck in my opinion." —User Unknown

"Be willing to go back on lifestyle to fix your financial picture. Be willing to accept that you might not be entitled to the lifestyle you have. People think overspending means fancy cars, vacations, and expensive properties, but it doesn’t. It can mean buying a boring commuter car and a house. The baby steps are the first thing:

  • $1000 emergency savings, and a budget. Look back through your transactions for months to see what you actually spend, don’t just guess at your categories.
  • all consumer debt paid off. You should never be carrying a credit card balance. That’s a financial emergency, so if you are, save only $1000 for an emergency fund and put all else toward that debt.
  • 3-6 months of expenses saved in a savings account or no-risk investment with immediate liquidity (this is $15,000 for me, for 3 months, for example.)
  • minimum retirement targets met, most importantly taking any employer matching
  • invest for other goals like property, children, etc., depending on your needs

Once you’re there, you can use whatever is left over after those savings strategies and your expenses as a discretionary fund. A lot of folks spend discretionary before they have the baby steps accomplished, and it keeps them in debt and living pay check to paycheck, or waiting for that next big cash infusion from something like refinancing their house. The key is discipline. It’s tough, it really is. Seeing the 5 figure deposits to my bank account and knowing that it’s already spoken for can be tough because it’s tempting to want to spend it on a nice car (I’m a car enthusiast) or some other hobby thing, but I know I can’t do that." —User Unknown

car, financial advice, affordable car, car payment, carsdance dancing GIF by Real Canadian SuperstoreGiphy

"We are literally about to pay off two cars. Both payments total about $900 a month all together. I didn’t want two car payments at one time, but we both needed a more reliable car at the time. That’s not horrible for two car payments, but it’s going to free up $900 a month for us…. Which is amazing considering my wife is now stay-at-home with a baby. We have started cooking at home, avoid eating out at all costs, only drink home-brew coffee, use grocery points for cheaper gas. I’ve started taking my trash and recyclables to the dump myself, we have cut Live-TV and every streaming and subscription platform we don’t use at least once a day. We don’t, nor have we ever, lived paycheck to paycheck. It’s just nice to save money. The only thing we are splurging on now is a cleaning lady once every two weeks for $140." —@MockASonOfaShepherd

"For the TV and streaming, I do one service a month and my cell phone comes with Netflix as a perk. Each month I subscribe to one service for only one month, and watch everything I want on that service. When that ends I let it expire and don't renew. I switch to another one for the month and watch everything there. I get a new collection each month to binge and it doesn't cost me any extra unnecessary money." —User Unknown

"Also, learn to use Excel. Being able to visually see where your money goes, all at once, can make your spending make a lot more sense." —@valvilis

excel, excel spreadsheet, spreadsheet, budget, budgetingHeart Love GIF by Microsoft CloudGiphy

"Just buy more money, it's not rocket calculus." —@faceeatingleopard

"This. Also don’t order out much. 1 fast food meal everyday of the week (depending on where you go) could have you spending an extra $100 a week that could’ve been spent at the grocery store instead. Learning to cook is cheaper than fast food easily." —User Unknown

"Meet people, work hard, get lucky. Marry someone who is financially reliable and life is half as expensive. Switch jobs every 3 years because your raises probably won't keep up with the market. Be mindful of your finances. Avoid credit card debt if you can." —@cavemanfitz

"Look into a career whose skill sets will always be in high demand. I pursued my Airframe & Powerplant Certificate. Now I can save and invest. It even made my income-earning ability Covid-proof. Yes, I got laid off a week and a half after starting a new job at a major airline. But 6 weeks later (thanks to my A&P), I got an even better-paying job as a Maintenance Technician at a 3M plant. I bought my first house in 2020. In 2022, I reapplied at that major airline and got hired as a contractor. I took a temporary, and minor, pay cut. Then I got hired direct 6 months later. I’m making a very good living and I’m able to travel the world. For the folks that say 'not everyone can do that'… I started this journey in 2016, making $12/hr at McDonald’s, and renting a room. So I’ve walked in the same shoes as many of the folks that say it’s impossible. No, I don’t have any kids. But I did graduate A&P school with a guy in his early 40’s with 3 kids. From day 1 of enrolling in A&P school up to this very day… I had to keep a strict budget." —User Unknown

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"I made a budget and update it every 3 months to see what it costs to run our family. My goal is to 'pay myself' each paycheck, which is considered savings. The budget generates two numbers. One for expenses plus luxuries, i.e. eating out, alcohol, hobbies, gym etc the other is my expenses without the luxuries in case I ever had to leave my job etc. By putting aside an amount each pay I've aimed and achieved saving 6 months worth of expenses without luxuries. Since doing that, I've then started to make additional payments to my superannuation account/ retirement fund that I can't touch until I retire. Since making the budget it's been an eye opener on where our money goes and how much we can save by cutting out stuff that isn't really worth it. It has also allowed my not so financially minded wife understand our position and gets her buy-in when we set targets for emergency savings or goals for buying stuff for the house or amounts for holidays. It's not full proof and we still have times where most of the pay goes out to expenses that can't be avoided like bills and rates that might all come in at once but its definitely made us feel more in control and enthusiastic about saving." —@CallSignVip3r

"You can't "save" your way out of poverty. Budgeting won't solve the problem. Those are just platitudes told to placate the masses. They empirically do not work, but the freak exceptions make good 'feel good' stories. Networking or advancement are the only ways out. Networking works best, advancement takes too long, and is far more probability-reliant. Beg everyone you've ever known for job opportunities. Be shameless." —@EmbarrassedVolume

"Rich parents, good health." —@Legitimate_Field_157

Dad from Mexico has people in shambles after 20-year wait for green card

Americans often dismiss how difficult the process of immigration can be, often scoffing as if becoming a citizen is as slightly annoying as going to the DMV. You stand in a long line, bring your paperwork, and give the rude person behind the desk the appropriate amount of money to walk out with your shiny new American citizenship. But the process is actually extremely difficult, can take years of waiting and thousands of dollars. When the process is over, it's truly like a dream come true. Marisol Velez shares the moment her husband's dream was realized.

While Roberto Velez hasn't had the chance to hold an American passport of his very own (yet), he just got the next best thing. Velez entered the country as a teen in 2001 but was unable to receive DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals) until 2013, which left him vulnerable for deportation though he was married to Marisol, an American citizen, in 2007. But on Father's Day 2025, his wife put together elaborate decorations to surprise Velez with his green card that came earlier that day. The celebration set off a visceral release of emotions, as can be seen in the video the family posted online.

immigration; Mexican immigrants; undocumented immigrants; DACA recipients; DACA; green card; dad gets green cardClose-up of a U.S. Permanent Resident Card.Photo credit: Canva

Velez is seen in the video checking the mailbox. His wife films him from a distance before following him into the house where balloons and a gift awaited him. Both of the couple's children sang happy father's day to the tune of "Happy Birthday." Velez appeared confused but appreciative of the sweet gesture, and it was evident he expected the gift wrapped on the table would contain his green card. Velez tried to hide his disappointment when the only thing inside was a small travel bag, but the disappointment quickly faded into tears after he opened the bag and saw the official envelope inside.

His children were unsure of the significance of the envelope until Velez opened it. His son reads, "Welcome to the United States." Both parents are in tears at this point but the daughter, who appears to be around eight or nine, still doesn't understand. Once Velez explains, "It's my green card," the girl bursts into tears. Evidently, so did the viewers of the private family moment as someone commented, "I am now ugly crying. thank goodness for all of you!"

"Shows you how much it affects the kids what's going on right now. She doesn't have to worry anymore that her dad won't be taken away," one person writes.

"Congratulations on your new status. I’m happy for you and your family. Over here crying with you guys. Your baby girl… oh boy. Her cry was like a sign of relief. God bless you all." someone cries.

"Much respect. Being born here, I take it for granted what your husband and you fought for and earned. Welcome, my brother." another says.

immigration; Mexican immigrants; undocumented immigrants; DACA recipients; DACA; green card; dad gets green cardSad Doctor Who GIFGiphy

"I just put my makeup on! I need a warning before I watch these videos" someone else writes.

While DACA status kept him mostly safe from deportation, there is always the risk of the program being ended, revoking a protective status from hundreds of thousands of people. In recent months, DACA recipients have been getting caught up in immigration detainments under the Trump Administration, which puts Velez and other "Dreamers" at risk of deportation even with their protected status. This made Velez's decades long quest to gain legal status even more urgent.

DACA recipients also have very limited paths to citizenship, with the only real viable option being marriage to a U.S. citizen or becoming a green card holder. Though a slightly less viable option, some DACA recipients may be granted a green card if an employer provides them with a work visa. No matter which path is taken, though, "Advance Parole" is a requirement. Velez was granted advance parole in 2024, which allowed him to leave the country and return on a visa to qualify for an application for his green card.

immigration; Mexican immigrants; undocumented immigrants; DACA recipients; DACA; green card; dad gets green cardFather Love GIF by Golden GlobesGiphy

Several people were shocked by the reality of the long process it takes to become a legal, permanent resident of the U.S. with one person writing, "25 years to get a green card in the USA. For those who don’t know that is what takes getting a green card and been a resident in this country to many others it takes longer, very sad… congratulations on your new status!!"

Another comments, "It should not take that long to get a green card. It takes less than six months to get a US passport. That’s how long it should take to get a green card."

"This made me sob so happy for your family! I watched a video of a man who paid all the fees did everything right and they didn’t get his green card until 1 week after he passed away. Took 17 years ! Blessing to your family!" someone shares.

"I know exactly how it feels!!! I waited for my green card for 11 years and I became citizen after 24 years living in America with huge efforts and pushing the system towards my dream" one viewer writes.