A couple holding up a photo of their baby.
Is it ever acceptable for someone pregnant to lie to their family about the baby’s gender? A woman on Reddit who is 11 weeks pregnant made the case for why she was going to tell her parents and her in-laws that she is about to have a baby boy, even though NIPT testing revealed she was having a girl.
The woman already has 2 boys, ages 2 and 4.
The woman laid out 6 reasons why she and her husband want to tell their parents they are having a boy. Many of them revolve around the fact that her mother-in-law has been pressuring them to have a girl—which is ridiculous because it’s not something the couple can choose.
Here are the 6 reasons the couple want to conceal the truth about the child they are expecting:
1. Mother-in-law’s pressure
“My MIL literally yelled “NOOOOOOOOO” when we told her the gender of our second boy (having kept the first a secret). She has also told me multiple times I need to give her a granddaughter,” the woman wrote.
2. Her boys may get jealous
“MIL will start sending clothes (she lives in a different country to us) as soon as she finds out, and we are conscious of how our two boys will feel about things arriving for the new baby and not them,” the woman wrote.
A couple holding a pregnany woman's belly.via John Looey/Unsplash
3. No favoritism
“I want to avoid the drama and upset of MIL treats unborn baby girl more favourably than she did my boys (she already shows extreme favouritism to her favourite niece over other girls and boys in the family and sees nothing wrong with it,” the woman wrote.
4. Don’t want mother-in-law to fly out
“We want to avoid MIL coming to our country for the birth (she came a few months later for our boys) as we want to get settled and think if it’s a girl, she will want to come ASAP,” she wrote.
5. Birth pressure
“Our eldest was born ‘code blue’ and required resuscitation, and before him, we had a miscarriage, and I’m worried about the added pressure on me to birth the first granddaughter from our parents,” she wrote.
6. Surprise!
“We think it would be really exciting once born if she’s a big surprise for both sides as she will be the first granddaughter on both sides,” she wrote.
The woman concluded her post by asking if she and her husband would be in the wrong for lying to their family. “We are worried, though, that by telling our parents she’s a boy when she isn’t, they will buy gendered clothing or that they will be mad at us for lying for six months. Is this going to backfire on us?” the woman asked.
A pregnant woman sitting on a chair.via Jefferson Santu/Unsplash
An overwhelming number of commenters thought that the woman and her husband would be wrong if they lied to their family about the baby’s gender.
"It's bad juju to start your little girl's life by lying about her. Just tell everyone their sh**y behavior means everyone is on an information diet. It'll drive them crazy, so you'll get your revenge that way. The previous behavior makes them ***holes, but if you lie, you will be as well. Congratulations, but don't lie,” Secretly_S41ty wrote.
"I read the whole post and still don't understand why you think lying is the right call. Not telling them gender would work. Telling them the gender but establishing boundaries (you're not visiting us until __, do not send more than __ articles of clothing) would work. Lying to them is...well, disrespectful. It sounds like MIL is over the top, but I don't think a lie is the solution,” FacetiuosTomato added.
A few supporters thought the story’s real villain was the mother-in-law, but they still didn’t like the idea of lying.
"You are just trying to avoid craziness and favoritism. That's understandable. I think the other persons suggested not saying the gender at all, and being surprised at the end is best. If this is what you want to keep the baby's gender secret, this neutral response is best,” AgateCatCreations076 wrote.
“I'd simply just tell everyone you are waiting until the baby is born to find out the sex and request that nobody buy anything as you already have plenty of things from the boys. If she assumes it's another boy from that comment, then so be it,” Dazzling-Landscape41 added.
After reading the comments, the couple changed their minds and decided against lying to their parents. Instead, they’ve chosen to keep their gender a secret and enforce strict boundaries with their family.
“We will be saying we don’t know and addressing any hopes for a girl with a request to stop pressuring us to have a girl and that we better not witness any gender disappointment if it’s a boy, and if it’s a girl, we better not see a different reaction or treatment than to the boys, ever,” the woman wrote.
Ultimately, it’s unfortunate that some women have to deal with pressure from their families about childbirth, especially when it’s something out of their control, such as gender. But it’s nice that the woman and her husband received some sound advice from people on Reddit who didn’t think it was right to stoop to their mother-in-law’s level by lying. They also made a great point about not bringing their child into this world around a lie.
Sometimes, when things get heated with family, it’s easy to miss the forest from the trees. The good news is that some thoughtful folks online helped the couple navigate a tricky situation.
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