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Woman shares the 'key' to being a good mother-in-law, and it's actually spot-on

This could certainly save a few in-law relationships.

@millennialmatleave/TikTok

"Fill you own cup" is good advice for nearly every situation, isn't it?

Listen, not every mother-in-law disregards boundaries, questions their kid’s parenting styles, tries to manipulate, and so on and so forth. But there’s a reason why the stereotype exists. Plenty have their own horror stories of being on the receiving end of toxic MIL behavior.

But for those wanting to avoid being that stereotype, Janelle Marie, or @millennialmatleave on TikTok believes that she has found the “key.” And it’s all about “filling your own cup.”

“Fill your dang cup. Something outside of your children that makes you feel good, makes you feel fulfilled, makes you feel happy,” Janelle begins in a TikTok.

@heyjanellemarie Lets get some hobbies girls…..you know, when you can find a single free moment #hobbies #motherinlaw #toxicmotherinlaw #relationshipadvice #parentingtips #lifehack #grandparents #inlaws #parenting #boymom ♬ original sound - Janelle Marie

That means that besides devoting your identity towards nurturing kids, you should be “nurturing” your marriage, as well as other relationships, like friendships, she notes.

“I unfortunately feel like a number of mothers-in-law that are feeling really confused about this role of mother-in-law or dissatisfied with the role of mother-law, and it ends up meaning that they act in a way that comes across as desperate or controlling or with guilt trips — women who don’t have enough going on outside of their relationship and their role as a mom. And so when their kids grow up, they’re ill-equipped to replace that relationship with other things.”

Janelle concludes by acknowledging it’s “easier said than done,” and reiterates that she isn’t trying to place blame, but rather just point out that “it’s something we need to be aware of.”

Generate ALT toxic mother in law, mil, parenting, boundaries, toxic mil, mother in law, motherhood, family, mom adviceA mother-in-law eavesdropping. Photo credit: Canva

Down in the comments, folks seem to clearly resonate with Janell’s stance—many have MILs of their own who could really benefit from a hobby or friend circle.

“My MIL’s hobby was getting into my marriage,” quipped one viewer.

“My toxic mother in law has had zero friends in the 18 years I’ve known her,” said another.

A few MILs even chimed in. One shared, “I noticed I got too involved/emotional/bothered by my son’s relationship and immediately looked in the mirror! Poured that energy into my marriage, friends, and hobbies.”

“OMG, you’re right,” reflected another. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m a good MIL, I don’t meddle or overstep, but boy do I struggle. I definitely need to get a hobby!”

As we know, it can be hard for any mom to not lose themselves in the demands of raising a child. And only up until recently were women allowed by society to see themselves as anything beyond being a mother. Self care is also a fairly new concept for everyone. So it is understandable that many MILs find themselves in this struggle without proper coping mechanisms.

But still, if the goal really is to maintain loving, healthy family relationships, it’s crucial to be mindful of any self sabotaging behaviors, and continuity working through those insecurities. That goes for MILs and non-MILs alike.

Generate ALT toxic mother in law, mil, parenting, boundaries, toxic mil, mother in law, motherhood, family, mom adviceA couple with their mother/mother-in-lawPhoto credit: Canva

For those looking to be the best mother-in-law they can be, here are a few pieces of advice:

Don't make it about you

It can be difficult to accept that you might not be the #1 woman in your kid’s life anymore, but it’s important both for you and the couple that those potential feelings of rejection get reframed. After all, there's truly no love lost.

@heyjanellemarie Mother-In-Law Support Line: Grandma Shower……we have a new character, the MIL has entered the chat 😏 Story submitted by sadly more than one follower 😳 #satire #motherinlaw #toxicmotherinlaw #babyshower #newmom #expectingmom #etiquette ♬ original sound - Janelle Marie


Use your words to uplift, not criticize

Words are powerful. Use them wisely. A little complement now and then goes a long way.

Back off

Let the couple raise their kids, and solve their problems, as they see fit. Trust that you can let them handle their own. Even when intentions are good, offers of help without being asked for it can be seen as criticism.

@heyjanellemarie I’m a Daughter-In-Law…… #daughterinlaw #satire #motherinlaw #inlaws #marriage #millennials ♬ original sound - Janelle Marie


Invite and Include

Leaving people out leads to resentment. Always invite kids and their spouses to join performances, graduations, birthday celebrations, and other family events, whether or not you think they want to or can attend.

And, of course…fill your own cup.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Modern Families

Mom shows off mother-in-law's comically generous "sick care package" and it's so relatable

Mothers-in-law giveth and they annoyeth.

Canva Photos

Putting the "care" in care package.

In my experience, grandparents like to give a lot of...stuff. It can be overwhelming and frustrating, bringing all these things into your home that you have to find a place for, all of it adding to the clutter and mental load. And I know I'm not the only one. Some informal surveys say 75% of parents are frustrated that grandparents give the kids too many gifts. Based on the parents I know, that number easily checks out. And it's not just gifts, but food, baked goods, and groceries that we don't ask for—it's all too much!

It's a double-edged sword, though, because sometimes the stuff is great and really helpful. It's important to remember that there is a lot of generosity and love behind grandparents' (sometimes outlandish) gifting. It's a way for them to stay connected to the family when they can't always be there during the day-to-day. A little gift here and there is a way to show the grandkids they love them, and sending a batch of brownies you definitely don't want to be eating is just their little way of helping out.

To that end, a mom on TikTok recently showed off her outrageous haul from her mother-in-law, who sent a laughably generous care package when the family was sick with the flu.

gif of Alf sickMom-in-law went above and beyond to answer the sick family's call.Giphy

Makenzie Hubbell can barely contain her laughter as she begins telling the story on camera.

"My entire family is sick and we asked our mother-in-law to shop for us, so this is everything she got. "

Hubbell then holds up two eight-packs of Gatorade, or enough to hydrate a professional sports team.

"We asked for some goldfish for my son, for when he starts eating." Cue enormous, bulk-sized tub of Goldfish crackers. Then two giant bags of Tyson's chicken nuggets. "We asked for ground turkey. She got us two," Hubbell says, showing off the packs.

"Did not ask for these, but very thankful," she says, holding up a container of strawberries. "Strawberries are very expensive."

It went on and on. A huge package of chicken breast that could feed their family for a week. But the package wasn't just food and rations. There was a book for the little one, cupcakes for mom's birthday, and a gift in an adorable bag (spoiler: It's a candle and a t-shirt).

The care package was a veritable clown car of supplies and gifts. It's safe to say that mom-in-law went way overboard, in the way that grandparents do. Watch Hubbell show it all off here:


@chunkymak

i fear the gatorade wont last more than 3 days😂😭 #plussize #plussizeedition #groceries #groceryhaul

Commenters related heavily to the video, and it's got us wondering if mother-in-laws have been getting a bad rap all this time.

Turns out that mothers-in-law, despite their reputation, are coming in clutch all over the place! We might not always see eye to eye, but they're some of the most reliable and generous family members out there.

"You won the Mother in Law lottery."

"This is my MIL but she gives so much and won’t allow us to pay any portion back"

"My exs mother, my oldest son’s grandma, drops off a care package of groceries every time she goes to Costco. Always a rotisserie chicken. Muffins, fruit, snacks for school and fresh veggies."

"Welcome to the best mother in law club. My husband had a lot of health issues before he passed and my MIL would schedule her cleaning lady to come over the day before he came home from the hospital."

"My MIL is the same way…but times 4. If I asked her to pick some things up, it would be a haul. Those of us that are blessed, APPRECIATE!"

"So happy when I hear positive MIL stories on this app. While I am not one nor do I have one it always seems like they’re getting such a bad rap."

To add to the comedy of it all, Hubbell's mother-in-law was back with more rations and an entire pharmacy's-worth of medical supplies the very next day:

@chunkymak

Replying to @weetchofthewoods she also got us the sams club big pack of pampers cruisers in the wrong size so she's going to exchange them but she's got such a huge heart🩷 #plussize #plussizeedition #groceries #groceryhaul

Conflict between women and their mothers-in-law might be a little exaggerated by sitcoms and stand-up comics, but it is a tricky relationship to manage.

Mothers-in-law are naturally protective of their own children and have strong feelings and opinions about how their grandchildren are being raised. Communication and boundaries are key, but can be a challenge for any family to navigate with grandparents.

Case in point: Just as many commenters on Hubbell's video expressed regret that they didn't have nearly as good of a relationship with their own MIL.

It's a good exercise for any married person to look past the conflicts and disagreements and recognize how generous grandparents, and especially those pesky mothers-in-law, can be with their time and money. They just love to go overboard like in Hubbell's viral video, and seem to take pride in being more helpful than you could possibly ever ask them to be. Sure, that generosity also comes with a lot of junk and a little more spoiling of the kids than you'd like, but Hubbell's video is a good reminder to stop and be appreciative for just a moment if you're lucky enough to have an overly generous mother-in-law in your life.

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Family

Woman says she has the 'key' to being a good mother-in-law, and it's actually spot-on

A simple thing that could help everyone.

@millennialmatleave/TikTok

"Fill you own cup" is good advice fro nearly every situation, isn't it?

Listen, not every mother-in-law disregards boundaries, questions their kid’s parenting styles, tries to manipulate, and so on and so forth. But there’s a reason why the stereotype exists. Plenty have their own horror stories of being on the receiving end of toxic MIL behavior.

But for those wanting to avoid being that stereotype, Janelle Marie, or @millennialmatleave on TikTok believes that she has found the “key.” And it’s all about “filling your own cup.”

“Fill your dang cup. Something outside of your children that makes you feel good, makes you feel fulfilled, makes you feel happy,” Janelle begins in a TikTok.

That means that besides devoting your identity towards nurturing kids, you should be “nurturing” your marriage, as well as other relationships, like friendships, she notes.

“I unfortunately feel like a number of mothers-in-law that are feeling really confused about this role of mother-in-law or dissatisfied with the role of mother-law, and it ends up meaning that they act in a way that comes across as desperate or controlling or with guilt trips — women who don’t have enough going on outside of their relationship and their role as a mom. And so when their kids grow up, they’re ill-equipped to replace that relationship with other things.”

Janelle concludes by acknowledging it’s “easier said than done,” and reiterates that she isn’t trying to place blame, but rather just point out that “it’s something we need to be aware of.”


@millennialmatleave Lets get some hobbies girls…..you know, when you can find a single free moment #hobbies #motherinlaw #toxicmotherinlaw #relationshipadvice #parentingtips #lifehack #grandparents #inlaws #parenting #boymom ♬ original sound - Janelle Marie


Down in the comments, folks seem to clearly resonate with Janell’s stance—many have MILs of their own who could really benefit from a hobby or friend circle.

“My MIL’s hobby was getting into my marriage,” quipped one viewer.

“My toxic mother in law has had zero friends in the 18 years I’ve known her,” said another.

A few MILs even chimed in. One shared, “I noticed I got too involved/emotional/bothered by my son’s relationship and immediately looked in the mirror! Poured that energy into my marriage, friends, and hobbies.”

“OMG, you’re right,” reflected another. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m a good MIL, I don’t meddle or overstep, but boy do I struggle. I definitely need to get a hobby!”

As we know, it can be hard for any mom to not lose themselves in the demands of raising a child. And only up until recently were women allowed by society to see themselves as anything beyond being a mother. Self care is also a fairly new concept for everyone. So it is understandable that many MILs find themselves in this struggle without proper coping mechanisms.

But still, if the goal really is to maintain loving, healthy family relationships, it’s crucial to be mindful of any self sabotaging behaviors, and continuity working through those insecurities. That goes for MILs and non-MILs alike.

For those booking to be the best mother-in-law they can be, here are a few pieces of advice:

Don't make it about you

It can be difficult to accept that you might not be the #1 woman in your kid’s life anymore, but it’s important both for you and the couple that those potential feelings of rejection get reframed. After all, there's truly no love lost.

Use your words to uplift, not criticize

Words are powerful. Use them wisely. A little complement now and then goes a long way.

Back off

Let the couple raise their kids, and solve their problems, as they see fit. Trust that you can let them handle their own. Even when intentions are good, offers of help without being asked for it can be seen as criticism.

Invite and Include

Leaving people out leads to resentment. Always invite kids and their spouses to join performances, graduations, birthday celebrations, and other family events, whether or not you think they want to or can attend.

And, of course…fill your own cup.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Family

Millennials love this grandma's take on disagreeing with her daughter's parenting decisions

Viewers are calling her a "breath of fresh air."

Photo credit: Canva

You don't have to agree to show support.

It’s great when families have involved grandparents to help create those oh-so necessary villages for raising kids. However, when disagreements as to how to raise kids—and the power struggles that follow—arise, it can make for a less-than-peaceful village.

Let’s face it, it’s hard for everyone involved. Parenting has evolved, and things that worked “back in the day” don’t necessarily work now. So many Gen X and millennial parents are painfully aware of things that didn’t serve them as kids, and don’t want to repeat that pattern for their own children. Plus, it’s really hard to instill some kind of structure when that structure is constantly being undermined.

But at the same time, it can be difficult for grandparents to just sit idly by while their adult children make decisions that could come back to haunt them later. After all, the parental instinct to protect doesn’t necessarily expire.

Still, one grandma has some pretty sagely advice for all the well-intentioned grandparents out there.

Maria, better known as “Mom-Mom Maria,” who regularly posts about her life as a grandma, recently shared her strategy for handling parental disagreements with her own adult daughter.

“If I don’t agree with every little decision that my daughter makes for the baby, I usually don’t say anything,” she said. Still she admitted that “sometimes I can’t help myself.”

For this Mom-mom (the common term for “grandma” in New Jersey), the one thing she couldn’t stay silent about was the sippy cup and straw her granddaughter Prue was given to drink milk before bed.

Maria was asked to put Prues’ milk in said supply cup while she and her husband were babysitting for the night. Though she at first resisted because she felt Prue was much too young to drink out of anything but a bottle, she recognized “it’s not my decision. I’m not the decision maker.”

“I’m not the mom: I’m the Mom-Mom, the privileged Mom-Mom that gets to babysit her,” she said.


@mommom.maria #mommom #genxtiktoker #babytok #toddlertok #millennialmom #babybottle #drbrowns #sippycup #grandparentsoftiktok #babysitting ♬ original sound - MomMom Maria


So, Maria did as her daughter instructed, and lo and behold…no problems. Prue drank her milk just fine.

“So I guess my daughter was right and that’s really what I wanted to say to the other grandmothers,” Maria concluded. “You don’t have to agree but you have to do it.”

Down in the comments, so many parents found Maria’s stance to be a “breath of fresh air.”

“Say it louder for the generations that think we don’t know what we’re doing as ‘young’ parents,” one person wrote.

Another quipped, ““I was getting ready to tussle but glad I’m on the grandma’s respecting their kid’s decisions side.”

Even fellow grandparents commended Maria’s take. One wrote, “thank you! Wish more grandparents understood this. I thought the perk of being a grandparent is that you don’t have to make any parenting decisions. You just get to enjoy the grandchildren.”

“That’s right,” echoed another. “Their kids, their rules. I’ve raised my kids, their turn. And yes, blessed to be grandma!”

And perhaps this was the best comment of all: “And the only thing your kid and grandkid will feel is love, support, and respect…and it’s that easy. And we all wish we had someone like you in our lives.”

So true. It might feel uncomfortable to let go of control, but the payoff is a stronger, healthier, more empowered family unit. In the end, it might be a pretty small sacrifice.

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