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Frustrated Dad poignantly calls out mother-in-law for bullying his 11-year-old daughter

"Thank you for standing up for your daughter 😭.”

@jonfromfridai/TikTok

"I told her that she can't say sh*t like that in my house."

Many of us grew up receiving off-handed body shaming comments from family members. We experienced firsthand how damaging these messages could be for our self esteem and relationship with food.

So now as parents, we naturally want to protect our kids from being exposed to similar messaging…even if it means telling a family member off.

This was the situation that Jon Lau found himself in during a family dinner one night, when his mother in-law (with whom he has an overall “great” relationship but who does say some "senseless" things on occasion) made a comment about his 11-year-old daughter’s belly. Yikes, hearing that alone elicits a visceral reaction, doesn’t it?

As Lau explained on TikTok, he and his family were enjoying a takeout meal of fried chicken. Lau’s daughter was eating some of that chicken along with pickles that were added as a side dish. That’s when grandma apparently said that the girl should eat more pickles so that “she wouldn't have such a pudgy belly.”

dads, girls dads, asian dads, mother in law, body image, body shaming kids, body image for kids “Number one…eating more pickles does not negate the calories that you're consuming."Photo credit: Canva

Cue Jon’s (understandable) rage.

“Number one, that doesn't make sense. Like calories in, calories out, like eating more pickles does not negate the calories that you're consuming. So yes, that doesn't make sense,” he said.

But more than the lack of logic, Jon was moved by the look that swept across his daughter’s face, especially considering that she had already been displaying signs of dealing with body image issues. Apparently, a few days prior, the girl had been talking with her older sister about joining track, not because she enjoyed running, but because “she didn't want to look so fat compared to her classmates.”

So, needless to say, Jon was “set off.”

@jonfromfridai I rarely get angry, but my MIL made my livid with her comment about my daughter. #girldad #bodyimage #teens #parenting ♬ original sound - Jon

He recalled, “I went off on my mother-in-law, and I told her that she can't say sh*t like that in my house. She could never say that. Anything like that again to my daughter and that it harms her self-image ... She's entering an age where body image is very sensitive.” For what it’s worth, Jon’s wife also heard the comment and told her mom to not says such things.

The mother-in-law’s immediate defense against this kind of defiance was to downplay the whole thing, saying that the comment was “harmless” and didn’t actually mean anything.

“And I explained to her that, no, it's not harmless whatsoever, it's very harmful. Comments like these are how insecurity starts at a young age that turns into something much more harmful as she ages. Especially during an age where she's starting to discover her body.”

Jon, as we know, was unequivocally right in this situation, and other adults in the comments section rallied to praise him for standing up for his daughter.

“I am a dietitian and I promise it is harmful. I meet with women of all ages and they ALL remember these comments, even as adults!”

“As a daughter of Asian parents who dealt with this her entire life, thank you for standing up for your daughter 😭.”

@jonfromfridai Replying to @Sandra ♬ original sound - Jon

“11 is the exact age you should NEVRR say this :(.”

“It takes 100 positive comments to undo 1 negative comment.”

“I’m so glad you made that boundary.”

And then there was this very powerful comment:

“You also stood up for your wife. I'm sure she grew up hearing the same comments from her mom,” one user wrote.

To that, Jon replied, “You’re not wrong.”

These remarks might seem like nothing to the ones dishing them out, but the truth is…they stay with you. And rewiring your brain to not internalize these comments is very, very difficult. Kids, and especially young girls, need this kind of protection, even if it means telling grandma to keep her comments to herself.

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Mom shows off mother-in-law's comically generous "sick care package" and it's so relatable

Mothers-in-law giveth and they annoyeth.

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Putting the "care" in care package.

In my experience, grandparents like to give a lot of...stuff. It can be overwhelming and frustrating, bringing all these things into your home that you have to find a place for, all of it adding to the clutter and mental load. And I know I'm not the only one. Some informal surveys say 75% of parents are frustrated that grandparents give the kids too many gifts. Based on the parents I know, that number easily checks out. And it's not just gifts, but food, baked goods, and groceries that we don't ask for—it's all too much!

It's a double-edged sword, though, because sometimes the stuff is great and really helpful. It's important to remember that there is a lot of generosity and love behind grandparents' (sometimes outlandish) gifting. It's a way for them to stay connected to the family when they can't always be there during the day-to-day. A little gift here and there is a way to show the grandkids they love them, and sending a batch of brownies you definitely don't want to be eating is just their little way of helping out.

To that end, a mom on TikTok recently showed off her outrageous haul from her mother-in-law, who sent a laughably generous care package when the family was sick with the flu.

gif of Alf sickMom-in-law went above and beyond to answer the sick family's call.Giphy

Makenzie Hubbell can barely contain her laughter as she begins telling the story on camera.

"My entire family is sick and we asked our mother-in-law to shop for us, so this is everything she got. "

Hubbell then holds up two eight-packs of Gatorade, or enough to hydrate a professional sports team.

"We asked for some goldfish for my son, for when he starts eating." Cue enormous, bulk-sized tub of Goldfish crackers. Then two giant bags of Tyson's chicken nuggets. "We asked for ground turkey. She got us two," Hubbell says, showing off the packs.

"Did not ask for these, but very thankful," she says, holding up a container of strawberries. "Strawberries are very expensive."

It went on and on. A huge package of chicken breast that could feed their family for a week. But the package wasn't just food and rations. There was a book for the little one, cupcakes for mom's birthday, and a gift in an adorable bag (spoiler: It's a candle and a t-shirt).

The care package was a veritable clown car of supplies and gifts. It's safe to say that mom-in-law went way overboard, in the way that grandparents do. Watch Hubbell show it all off here:


@chunkymak

i fear the gatorade wont last more than 3 days😂😭 #plussize #plussizeedition #groceries #groceryhaul

Commenters related heavily to the video, and it's got us wondering if mother-in-laws have been getting a bad rap all this time.

Turns out that mothers-in-law, despite their reputation, are coming in clutch all over the place! We might not always see eye to eye, but they're some of the most reliable and generous family members out there.

"You won the Mother in Law lottery."

"This is my MIL but she gives so much and won’t allow us to pay any portion back"

"My exs mother, my oldest son’s grandma, drops off a care package of groceries every time she goes to Costco. Always a rotisserie chicken. Muffins, fruit, snacks for school and fresh veggies."

"Welcome to the best mother in law club. My husband had a lot of health issues before he passed and my MIL would schedule her cleaning lady to come over the day before he came home from the hospital."

"My MIL is the same way…but times 4. If I asked her to pick some things up, it would be a haul. Those of us that are blessed, APPRECIATE!"

"So happy when I hear positive MIL stories on this app. While I am not one nor do I have one it always seems like they’re getting such a bad rap."

To add to the comedy of it all, Hubbell's mother-in-law was back with more rations and an entire pharmacy's-worth of medical supplies the very next day:

@chunkymak

Replying to @weetchofthewoods she also got us the sams club big pack of pampers cruisers in the wrong size so she's going to exchange them but she's got such a huge heart🩷 #plussize #plussizeedition #groceries #groceryhaul

Conflict between women and their mothers-in-law might be a little exaggerated by sitcoms and stand-up comics, but it is a tricky relationship to manage.

Mothers-in-law are naturally protective of their own children and have strong feelings and opinions about how their grandchildren are being raised. Communication and boundaries are key, but can be a challenge for any family to navigate with grandparents.

Case in point: Just as many commenters on Hubbell's video expressed regret that they didn't have nearly as good of a relationship with their own MIL.

It's a good exercise for any married person to look past the conflicts and disagreements and recognize how generous grandparents, and especially those pesky mothers-in-law, can be with their time and money. They just love to go overboard like in Hubbell's viral video, and seem to take pride in being more helpful than you could possibly ever ask them to be. Sure, that generosity also comes with a lot of junk and a little more spoiling of the kids than you'd like, but Hubbell's video is a good reminder to stop and be appreciative for just a moment if you're lucky enough to have an overly generous mother-in-law in your life.

This article originally appeared in March

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Woman shares the 'key' to being a good mother-in-law, and it's actually spot-on

This could certainly save a few in-law relationships.

@millennialmatleave/TikTok

"Fill you own cup" is good advice for nearly every situation, isn't it?

Listen, not every mother-in-law disregards boundaries, questions their kid’s parenting styles, tries to manipulate, and so on and so forth. But there’s a reason why the stereotype exists. Plenty have their own horror stories of being on the receiving end of toxic MIL behavior.

But for those wanting to avoid being that stereotype, Janelle Marie, or @millennialmatleave on TikTok believes that she has found the “key.” And it’s all about “filling your own cup.”

“Fill your dang cup. Something outside of your children that makes you feel good, makes you feel fulfilled, makes you feel happy,” Janelle begins in a TikTok.

@heyjanellemarie

Lets get some hobbies girls…..you know, when you can find a single free moment #hobbies #motherinlaw #toxicmotherinlaw #relationshipadvice #parentingtips #lifehack #grandparents #inlaws #parenting #boymom

That means that besides devoting your identity towards nurturing kids, you should be “nurturing” your marriage, as well as other relationships, like friendships, she notes.

“I unfortunately feel like a number of mothers-in-law that are feeling really confused about this role of mother-in-law or dissatisfied with the role of mother-law, and it ends up meaning that they act in a way that comes across as desperate or controlling or with guilt trips — women who don’t have enough going on outside of their relationship and their role as a mom. And so when their kids grow up, they’re ill-equipped to replace that relationship with other things.”

Janelle concludes by acknowledging it’s “easier said than done,” and reiterates that she isn’t trying to place blame, but rather just point out that “it’s something we need to be aware of.”

Generate ALT toxic mother in law, mil, parenting, boundaries, toxic mil, mother in law, motherhood, family, mom adviceA mother-in-law eavesdropping. Photo credit: Canva

Down in the comments, folks seem to clearly resonate with Janell’s stance—many have MILs of their own who could really benefit from a hobby or friend circle.

“My MIL’s hobby was getting into my marriage,” quipped one viewer.

“My toxic mother in law has had zero friends in the 18 years I’ve known her,” said another.

A few MILs even chimed in. One shared, “I noticed I got too involved/emotional/bothered by my son’s relationship and immediately looked in the mirror! Poured that energy into my marriage, friends, and hobbies.”

“OMG, you’re right,” reflected another. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m a good MIL, I don’t meddle or overstep, but boy do I struggle. I definitely need to get a hobby!”

As we know, it can be hard for any mom to not lose themselves in the demands of raising a child. And only up until recently were women allowed by society to see themselves as anything beyond being a mother. Self care is also a fairly new concept for everyone. So it is understandable that many MILs find themselves in this struggle without proper coping mechanisms.

But still, if the goal really is to maintain loving, healthy family relationships, it’s crucial to be mindful of any self sabotaging behaviors, and continuity working through those insecurities. That goes for MILs and non-MILs alike.

Generate ALT toxic mother in law, mil, parenting, boundaries, toxic mil, mother in law, motherhood, family, mom adviceA couple with their mother/mother-in-lawPhoto credit: Canva

For those looking to be the best mother-in-law they can be, here are a few pieces of advice:

Don't make it about you

It can be difficult to accept that you might not be the #1 woman in your kid’s life anymore, but it’s important both for you and the couple that those potential feelings of rejection get reframed. After all, there's truly no love lost.

@heyjanellemarie

Mother-In-Law Support Line: Grandma Shower……we have a new character, the MIL has entered the chat 😏 Story submitted by sadly more than one follower 😳 #satire #motherinlaw #toxicmotherinlaw #babyshower #newmom #expectingmom #etiquette


Use your words to uplift, not criticize

Words are powerful. Use them wisely. A little complement now and then goes a long way.

Back off

Let the couple raise their kids, and solve their problems, as they see fit. Trust that you can let them handle their own. Even when intentions are good, offers of help without being asked for it can be seen as criticism.

@heyjanellemarie

I’m a Daughter-In-Law…… #daughterinlaw #satire #motherinlaw #inlaws #marriage #millennials


Invite and Include

Leaving people out leads to resentment. Always invite kids and their spouses to join performances, graduations, birthday celebrations, and other family events, whether or not you think they want to or can attend.

And, of course…fill your own cup.

This article originally appeared last year.

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'Shut your mouth.' New grandma offers spot on advice to being a non-toxic mother-in-law.

“Nobody cares how you did it."

@wendygimpelrealtor/TikTok

She brings up good points.

We all know the typical image of a mother-in-law is…less than positive. And that is obviously because for many, many people out there, having an in-law who’s controlling, passive aggressive, narcissistic, and altogether unpleasant is a very real experience.

However, there are MIL’s out there, like Wendy Gimpel, who provide not only a soothing counter narrative, but also a bit of tough love advice for those who need to hear it.

In a video posted to her TikTok, we see Gimpel nuzzling her newborn grandchild, whom she is watching over while her son and “his beautiful wife” are off enjoying a date night. Immediate brownie points.

@wendygimpelrealtor

Be the best grandparent you can be! be supportive. Do the dishes make the food clean the kitchen fold the diapers do their laundry. Change the sheets love with an open hand. #grandma #grandparents #supportiveparents #over50 #relationships #family #fyp #foryoupage


Gimpel went on to explain how her algorithm kept exposing her to folks around her age who apparently have “estrangement issues” with their children, which prompted her to say a few words.

“All I want to say is, our job as grandparents, in my opinion, is to help our kids be the best parents they can be. We already did this. We had our chance. And if we did it right, or at least partially correct, we get to do this!” she said, gesturing towards the little one.

She then added that “Nobody cares how you did it,” she says, referring to raising children, because they aren’t the ones doing the childrearing anymore.

“His wife gets to do [it] the way she wants to do it. ... I just want to do what you want me to do, and I’m not going to give you unsolicited advice. If you want to ask me something, I’m happy to share how I did it, but because I did it a certain way doesn’t mean you need to do it a certain way.”

@wendygimpelrealtor

Let’s do better 🥰 #grandma #supportiveparents #grandparents #over50 #relationships #family #over50 #foryoupage #fyp

She used the example of cloth diapers, saying, “you wanna do cloth diapers? Let’s do cloth diapers. Show me how to do ‘em. I’ll air dry them. I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I just wanna do what you want me to do.” How refreshing is that?

And then Gimpel really drove her point home, bluntly telling people what to actually do if they want to be good grandparents.

“Shut your mouth, be supportive, cook the food, do the laundry, love with an open hand. Don’t expect anything in return and maybe you’ll have a relationship with your grandkids. That’s the goal, isn’t it? Just to be supportive and helpful and just to be involved, that’s my goal ... They are their own family unit now: they need to do what works for their family.”

@wendygimpelrealtor

Pick your battles, be the glue, love your village 🥰 #grandma #supportiveparents #family #relationship #over50 #genx #relationships #foryoupage #fyp #pickyourbattles

Unsurprisingly, millions of viewers found the video, and loved the sentiment, particularly the “no one cares how you did it” part.

“‘No one cares how you did it.’ SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK,’” one person wrote.

Another said, "If you offer a workshop, I have a few grandparents to register.”

Perhaps part of this need to insert input comes from a fear of being seen as obsolete. But honestly, it’s not so much that former methods are invalid, it’s just a completely different world (grandparents didn’t have to concern themselves with digital hygiene, for one thing). And point blank, is it more important to be right? Or to maintain a healthy connection with our loved ones? Sometimes it really does boil down to that simple question.

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