upworthy
Family

Developmental scientist shared her 'anti-parenting advice' and parents are relieved

In a viral Twitter thread, Dorsa Amir addresses the "extreme pressure put on parents in the West."

parenting, dorsa amir, parenting tips
Photo by kabita Darlami on Unsplash, @DorsaAmir/Twitter

Parents, maybe give yourselves a break

For every grain of sand on all the world’s beaches, for every star in the known universe…there is a piece of well-intentioned but possibly stress-inducing parenting advice.

Whether it’s the astounding number of hidden dangers that parents might be unwittingly exposing their child to, or the myriad ways they might be missing on maximizing every moment of interaction, the internet is teeming with so much information that it can be impossible for parents to feel like they’re doing enough to protect and nurture their kids.

However, developmental scientist and mom Dorsa Amir has a bit of “anti-parenting advice” that help parents worry a little less about how they’re measuring up.

First and foremost—not everything has to be a learning opportunity. Honestly, this wisdom also applies to adults who feel the need to be consistently productive…raises hand while doing taxes and listening to a podcast on personal development…

“Not everything has to be ‘educational.” wrote Amir. “It's truly completely okay (& indeed, good) for kids to play for the sake of play. They don't have to be learning the alphabet or animal noises. They can just do whatever silly thing they want to do. They are ALWAYS learning!”

Amir also encouraged parents to remove the pressure to be constant teachers, offering the reminder that “direct instruction” is actually quite rare, and that kids are “extremely good” at learning through observation.

This hands-off approach can be good for parents who also might feel they should provide neverending entertainment. According to Amir, “Kids should be allowed to experience boredom.”

“It's part of the human experience & it's okay if they're bored. You do not have to feel obligated to constantly entertain them or provide new activities for them. They should be allowed to generate their own activities & ideas,” she wrote.

Similarly, Amir stated that kids should experience arguments, disagreements, negative emotions and general conflict. Instead of “getting involved” to prevent these uncomfortable situations from happening, she suggests letting kids practice resolving and processing on their own.

Amir then gave full on permission to simply be the “boring” parent. Not the “zany cartoonish friend.” Not the supplier of “600 toys.” Not someone whose schedule “revolves 100% around your child’s preferences.” In fact, she noted that kids actually enjoy “mimicking” adults, so it’s completely okay to have them do household chores, play with “adult-utilized” objects instead of dolls or action figures and do “adult-centered” activities like grocery shopping.

Ultimately, Amir’s goal was not to bash any particular way of parenting, but rather to encourage parents—especially confused first-time parents—to give themselves a break. “There are a million different ways to be human and they’re all valid,” she wrote.

This anti-advice clearly struck a chord with parents who have indeed felt pressure.

“Loved this thread, thank you. I spend a lot of time worrying I’m a bad parent - are my kids spoilt? Are they sad? Am I overprotective? Is letting them walk alone to school dangerous? Have they eaten enough? Have they eaten too much Etc etc..,” wrote one person.

Another added: “Thanks for this!! The pressure in the US to be my toddler's entertainment 24/7 and to buy the best organic and educational everything marketed by influencers is absolutely bonkers.”

“Incredible thread. Those of us on the fence on becoming parents get overwhelmed with the frankly absurd expectations that modern parenting appears to require.…a post like this gives me hope!” commented one person, noting how intimidating these societal expectations could be for those who are still figuring out whether or not they want to start a family.

As Amir said—at the end of the day, we’re all human. Part of being human means making mistakes and allowing for imperfection. That goes for parents too.

You can check out the full thread here.

From Your Site Articles
internet
Animals & Wildlife

6th grader's science experiment answers, 'Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?'

A question no one knew they needed answered.

Photo courtesy of Kerry Hyde

Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on? Science answers.

Cat owners sometimes have unique questions that even Google doesn't always have the answer to. This is probably the sole reason cat forums exist, but one kid who needed a 6th grade science project decided to skip the cat forums for answers and instead use the scientific method. Kaeden Henry, a sixth grader living in Florida, bravely pondered a question few (if any one) has been brave enough to ask: do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?

Since cats do whatever the heck they want, training them not to jump on kitchen counters is a feat even Hercules struggles to complete. These fierce felines don't care if you're cooking dinner or trying to get comfy in bed. If they want to sit somewhere, they're going to do it. The thought of cat butts on that expensive Serta pillow designed to feel like you're sleeping on a cloud can gross people out, but thanks to Kaeden, you no longer have to wonder if the butthole itself is also making contact.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

The curious sixth grader is homeschooled and well-versed in the scientific method thanks to her mother's PhD in animal behavior with a concentration in feline behavior. And, since they own cats, the science experiment was pretty straightforward (and directly impactful).

To complete the experiment, Henry and his mom, Kerry Hyde, bought non-toxic lipstick and applied it to each of their cat's anuses. Then, the cats were given commands.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

"Non-toxic lipstick was applied to their bum-bums, they were then given a series of commands (sit, wait, lie down, and jump up. Side note: Both cats have been trained since kittenhood with a variety of commands, they also know how to high-five, spin around, and speak.), they were compensated with lots of praise, pets, and their favorite treats, and the lipstick was removed with a baby wipe once we collected our data in just under 10 minutes," Hyde wrote in a Facebook post.

The results? Turns out that, no, cat buttholes do not touch every surface cats sit on. Now, let's all take a collective sigh of relief while we go over the details. Kaeden's experiment covered long-haired, short-haired, and medium-haired cats (if your cat is hairless, you better stock up on Clorox wipes just in case).

"His results and general findings: Long and medium haired cat’s buttholes made NO contact with soft or hard surfaces at all. Short haired cats made NO contact on hard surfaces. But we did see evidence of a slight smear on the soft bedding surface. Conclusion, if you have a short haired cat and they may be lying on a pile of laundry, an unmade bed, or other soft uneven surface, then their butthole MAY touch those surfaces!" Hyde shares.

Now every curious cat owner can rest easy knowing that as long as their cat has hair, their bare bottom balloon knot is not touching the majority of surfaces in their home.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

The amusing experiment caught the Internet's attention. People laughed and commented, with one person writing, "This is probably the most useful information I’ve learned from a science fair project."

"Good to know!...I can now eat my sandwich left on the counter with confidence!" another writes.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

"A+++!!! Whew!! I am very grateful for your sciencing on this subject. My fears from walking in on my cat sitting on my laptop keyboard and subsequently being grossed out and cleaning furiously in a hyper-ocd manner have been somewhat allayed and now maybe I won’t have to use QUIIITE so many wipes." someone chimes in.

"Finally.. Someone answers the important questions!!"

From Your Site Articles
cats
History (Education)

The Statue of Liberty is a symbol of welcoming immigrants. That wasn't what she was made for.

Dr. Joy DeGruy explains how Lady Liberty's oft-ignored shackles symbolize her near-forgotten origins.

Photo credit: Canva (left), Atsme (right)

Many people are not aware of the chains at the Statue of Liberty's feet, much less why they are there.

With her flowing robes, flaming torch held high, and crown radiating out to the world like a beacon of hope, the Statue of Liberty has stood as an American emblem off the coast of New York for over two centuries.

If you were to ask the average American what they think of when they think of the Statue of Liberty, many would say she's a symbol of the liberty sought by people around the world who have come to our shores to find it. As the first American sight countless immigrants saw when they arrived at Ellis Island, with her pedestal bearing the words, "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free…" Lady Liberty has long been synonymous with the American tradition of welcoming immigrants.

But that's not actually what she was made for.

statue of liberty, liberty island, ellis island, immigration, slaveryLady Liberty welcomes people to New York.Photo credit: Canva

French politician Édouard de Laboulaye conceived of the idea for the Statue of Liberty to be built as a gift from France to the United States in 1865, the year the U.S. Civil War ended. That timing wasn't a coincidence. Laboulaye was a staunch abolitionist and president of the French Anti-Slavery Society, and his views were central to his commissioning of the statue. The statue was to be a gift celebrating the end of slavery in the U.S., as well as the centennial of the nation's founding and a symbol of good relations between France and America. Its ties to immigration wouldn't come until decades later.

Dr. Joy Degruy, sociologist, educator, and author of "Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America's Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing,"" shares a story about visiting the Statue of Liberty in her book and talks. She recounted the story to Brandi Harvey on the Vault Empowers podcast, informing people—many for the first time—that the Statue of Liberty's origin story began with anti-slavery activism, not immigration.

Watch:

As Dr. DeGruy explains, the original design had Lady Liberty holding broken chains in her left hand, not the tablet we see today. Sometime between the original drawings and the final design, those chains were moved to her feet—where they aren't visible unless you are flying through the air over them—and the tablet bearing the date July 4, 1776 in Roman numerals took their place.

Exactly how and why that change was made is not entirely clear in the historical record. But the fact that it even happened has not been widely shared, even by the people giving tours of the statue and sharing her history. DeGruy asked the tour guide about the chains on a visit and went on a hunt for the historical document showing the original design.

"So we go into the basement of the Statue of Liberty," she said. "We're in the basement of the Statue of Liberty. We find the document—encased in glass, behind figurines, facing a wall in a hallway. So here we have the truth, hidden in plain sight."

In a deep dive of the written historical records we have, researcher Rebecca M. Joseph, PhD. fact-checked various myths about the statue and her findings verified her anti-slavery origins as one of two parts of Laboulaye's vision of celebrating American liberty:

"The Statue of Liberty would never have been conceived or built if its principal French and American advocates had not been active abolitionists who understood slavery as the cause of the Civil War and its end as the realization of the promise of liberty for all as codified in the Declaration of Independence. But the Statue of Liberty was not intended entirely as a monument to the end of slavery. The statue’s form after June 1871 clearly embodies Laboulaye’s views on the two-part realization, in 1776 and 1864, of his ideal of liberty. The centennial of the American Revolution was significant to the French sponsors because the Civil War ended slavery and preserved the Union at a time when the France’s future was still uncertain. For the American republicans, it was a timely opportunity to erect a monument to their efforts and worldview. Laboulaye and his French colleagues also wished to send a political message back to France. Bartholdi cast the project in the broadest terms, hoping to encourage additional commissions."

\u00c9douard Ren\u00e9 de Laboulaye, statue of liberty, anti-slaveryFrench abolitionist Édouard René de Laboulaye, who commissioned the Statue of Liberty.upload.wikimedia.org

So how did we come to associate the Statue of Liberty with immigration? That's another interesting story, as Joseph explains:

"The conventional interpretation of the statue as a monument to American immigrants is a twentieth-century phenomenon. In its early years (1871-1886), that view was only rarely and vaguely expressed, while references to the Civil War and abolition of slavery occur repeatedly from its first introduction to the United States in 1871 up to and including the dedication celebrations in 1886. Immigrants did not actually see the Statue of Liberty in large numbers until after its unveiling. In the early twentieth century, the statue became a popular symbol for nativists and white supremacists. Official use of the statue's image to appeal to immigrants only began in earnest with public efforts to Americanize immigrant children and the government’s advertising campaign for World War I bonds. The 'immigrant' interpretation gained momentum in the 1930s as Americans prepared for war with Hitler and by the 1950s, it had become the predominant understanding of the statue's original purpose and meaning."

Since DeGruy raised the issue of the exclusion of the statue's anti-slavery origins, the Statue of Liberty national monument and museum has updated its educational program to include them. For some, it might seem like a mere factual correction, but for Black Americans who visit the Statue of Liberty, De Gruy says, it could potentially change their whole relationship to her symbolism.

"When Black people walk through, you hear white people say, 'Oh well, you know, my great great, and my great great…' but Black men, women, and children feel no connection to Lady Liberty. But how much prouder would they be if they knew that their ancestors that didn't come through Ellis Island, that came chained together in the belly of ships, that she was standing on those shackles? How much prouder would those young people be?"

Dr. DeGruy shared more about how Black Americans can find healing through hidden history. You can watch the full Vault Empowers interview with her here:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

From Your Site Articles
history
Science

Innovative farm in Virginia can grow 4 million pounds of strawberries on less than one acre

This method uses 97 percent less land and up to 90 percent less water than conventional farming.

Photo credit: Canva

A new way to grow strawberries with less land, less water, and more berries.

Strawberry farm harvests aren't something most of us calculate on a regular basis (or ever at all), but the numbers from a strawberry farm in Richmond, Virginia, are staggering enough to make it worth an old-school word problem. If the average American eats 8 pounds of strawberries a year, and an average strawberry farm yields approximately 20,000 pounds of berries per acre, how many people could a 200-acre strawberry field feed?

I won't make you do the math. The answer is 500,000 people. But what if a crop that size, providing enough strawberries for half a million people, could be grown on just one acre instead of 200? It's possible. You just have to go—or rather grow—up, up, up.

Indoor vertical farm company Plenty Unlimited knows a lot about growing up. In fact, it's their entire business model. Instead of the sprawling fields that traditional farming methods require, vertical farms have a much smaller land footprint, utilizing proprietary towers for growing. Plenty has used vertical farming methods to grow greens such as lettuce, kale, spinach and more for years, but now it boasts a vertical berry farm that can yield a whopping 4 million pounds of strawberries on a little less than an acre.

Growing indoors means not being at the mercy of weather or climate inpredictability (barring a storm taking out your building), which is wise in the era of climate change. Unlike a traditional greenhouse which still uses the sun for light, Plenty's indoor vertical farms make use of the latest technology and research on light, pinpointing the wavelengths plants need from the sun to thrive and recreating them with LED lights. Plenty farms also don't use soil, as what plants really need is water and nutrients, which can be provided without soil (and with a lot less water than soil requires). Being able to carefully control water and nutrients means you can more easily control the size, taste and uniformity of the berries you’re growing.

If that sounds like a lot of control, it is. And that idea might freak people out. But when a highly controlled environment means not having to use pesticides and using up to 90% less water than traditional farming, it starts to sound like a solid, sustainable farming innovation.

Plenty even uses AI in its strawberry farm, according to its website:

“Every element of the Plenty Richmond Farm–including temperature, light and humidity–is precisely controlled through proprietary software to create the perfect environment for the strawberry plants to thrive. The farm uses AI to analyze more than 10 million data points each day across its 12 grow rooms, adapting each grow room’s environment to the evolving needs of the plants – creating the perfect environment for Driscoll’s proprietary plants to thrive and optimizing the strawberries’ flavor, texture and size.”

Plenty even has its own patent-pending method of pollinating the strawberry flowers that doesn’t require bees. Even just the fact that this enormous crop of strawberries will be coming from Virginia is notable, since the vast majority of strawberries in the U.S. are grown in California.

strawberry fieldTraditional strawberry farming takes up a lot of land.Photo credit: Canva

Plenty's Richmond farm is currently growing strawberries exclusively for Driscoll’s.

“Partnering with Plenty for the launch of the Richmond Farm allows us to bring our premium strawberries closer to consumers in the Northeast, the largest berry consumption region in the U.S.,” Driscoll’s CEO Soren Bjorn said in a press release. “By combining our 100 years of farming expertise and proprietary varieties along with Plenty’s cutting-edge technology, we can deliver the same consistent flavor and quality our customers love — now grown locally. This new innovative farm is a powerful step forward in continuing to drive category growth in new ways for our customers and consumers.”

Is Plenty’s model the farm of the future? Perhaps it’s one option, at least. The more we grapple with the impact of climate change and outdated, unsustainable farming practices, the more innovative ideas we’ll need to feed the masses. If they can get 4 million pounds of strawberries out of an acre of land, what else is possible?

This article originally appeared in February

From Your Site Articles
agriculture
Joy

People are finding healing from woman's sweet 'welcome to girls night in your 30s' video

"This is the post every girl needs to see."

@danilyndesign/TikTok

30s look different for everyone

A 6-second video showing a handful of 30-something friends having a “girl’s night” is striking a heart nourishing nerve for millions.

In the video, posted by @danilyndesign, the camera pans over the group as the caption depicts the scene:

“Girls nights in your 30s. We're holding one girl’s babies, one girl is showing her hinge matches, while another girl is laughing about her ex husband.”

And then, Dani drives the point home:

“You’re never behind in life. You are exactly where you are meant to be right now.”


@danilyndesign Girls nights in your 30’s are what my younger self dreamed of. #girlhood #femalefriendship #girlsintheir30s #girlsnight ♬ Take My Hand - Matt Berry


With its simple yet profound message, it’s no wonder that the clip quickly racked up nearly 6.5 million views on TikTok, and spawned a ton of lovely conversations.

For one thing, people noted how it added a touch of nuance to the “it takes a village” concept. Often we think of villages as a necessity (or luxury, these days) for parents only, when in fact having a safe community is vital for everyone.

“This is ‘the village’! It's not moms at the center, it’s everyone that matters and everyone’s lives are valued and respected," one person commented.

Viewers also felt a sense of relief seeing how each chapter of life seemed to be fully embraced by the friend group. After all, everyone in their 30s has had their own personal set of milestones, challenges, heartbreaks, existential crises, that have helped shape the adult they are. Not always, but often, a lot of the arbitrary pressures we put on ourselves begin to dissolve by this age, so that we can better appreciate where we actually are in life, wherever that may be.

girls night, 30s, friends, making friends, motherhood, heartwarming, milestones, life in your 30s, first babyLadies having a girls' nightPhoto credit: Canva

“Beautiful and remember no matter where you are in the journey, we are allll just figuring it out day by day. Find joy in it wherever you can” one person wrote.

Another added, “I want to tell every woman stressed in their twenties that their thirties will be better, they just need to trust themselves and hang in there.”

“This is the post post every girl needs to see,” wrote a third. “You’re exactly where you need to be.”

For some, this particular insight came at just the write time.

“Needed this. I’m 28 turning 29. My besties are all either engaged/married with a kid and I can’t get past the talking stage. Then I remember our paths are different and I’m where I need to be right now,” confessed one viewer.

girls night, 30s, friends, making friends, motherhood, heartwarming, milestones, life in your 30s, first babyA woman showing off her engagement ringPhoto credit: Canva

Lastly, people had so much love for how this perfectly captured the immense value of long-term friendship. As one person wrote, "growing and evolving with friends is the most beautiful thing. They’ve seen so many versions of us and love them all.”

Another said, “Like in White Lotus when she said ‘I;m just happy to be at the table.’”

As cliché as it is, life truly isn’t about the destination—it’s about the journey. And those beloved relationships we cultivate along the way. We all contain multitudes, and hopefully our friend hangs can help remind us of that when we need it.

From Your Site Articles
friendship

Frustrated mom puts baby shampoo in her own eyes to test which are truly 'tear free'

"Trying 'tear free' baby shampoos to see if our babies are being dramatic."

Photo credit: Canva

Mom tests 'tear-free' baby shampoo in her eyes. Some burn badly.

Having a baby can be stressful, especially because parents just want to do what's best for them. Because babies can't talk, though, it's hard to know if there's a problem. Of course, babies cry to alert us they need tending to, but are they crying because they're in pain or because they don't like bath water touching their face? Do they need a diaper change or is their left sock soggy because they just discovered they could put their foot in their mouth? The answer to "Why is my baby crying?" can be anything, but the last thing a parent wants it to be is pain.

Tori Keller has been having a hard time washing her children's hair due to all the crying even though she uses "tear free" shampoo. The bath time dramatics were enough to make her wonder if the problem was her children simply not liking their hair being washed or if it was the shampoo. Keller decided to put the baby shampoo to the test using her own eyeballs so she would know once and for all.

gif, baby, bath time, hair washing, baths, babiesBeauty Baby GIF by Aksan KozmetikGiphy

In her totally scientific experiment, the young mom happily hopped into the running shower wearing what appears to be workout clothing. Once she gets in and wets her face under the shower head, her husband, who is standing off to the side, squirts a couple of pumps of baby shampoo on her forehead and rubs it in, being sure to get it on her eyes. First up is the very familiar and extremely popular Johnson's baby shampoo, and quite honestly, the results look painful.

Nearly immediately after opening her eyes the shampoo burned so badly that she forgot she was standing right next to running water. Keller keeps yelling "Oh!" in increasing intensity as she seemingly doesn't know how to make the stinging stop. Finally, her husband points her in the direction of the shower head. "That one's bad" she says with her eyes are still closed.

shower, burning, eyes, shampoo, soap in eyes, painScreaming Oh God GIF by Film RiotGiphy

Next up is Aveeno Kids, which also claims to be tear-free. Much to the mom's relief, it is much less intense. Keller declares that it's "not terrible, it's a tiny bit of a sting." Phew. Aveeno still seems to be in the running for actually being tear-free, but she still has more shampoos to go. Next on deck is Honest Calm Shampoo and Body Wash and, once again, the discomfort is instant. It took Keller quite a bit of time to rid her eyes of the stinging.

@torikeller PART 3 of trying baby products 🤪 I’ll let you guys know if i can see tomorrow! What’s next?! #sahm #mom #motherhood #babyproducts #momcontent ♬ original sound - torikeller

The last one Keller tries is Equate Baby Shampoo which is also very uncomfortable. Keller really is a trooper because in other videos, she tries even more baby shampoos. People in the comments were thankful for the mom's dedication to "research" while others had bones to pick with their own mothers after seeing the results.

"This is so smart thank you for doing that. Aveeno it is for my baby!" one person says.

@torikeller TRING BABY PRODUCTS PART 4 🫡#sahm #babyproducts #babyshampoo #tearfreeshampoo #mom #motherhood #momcontent ♬ original sound - torikeller

"I’m about to send this to my mom she SWORE the Johnson’s wasn’t burning my eyes as a child but it does!!!!!!"

"Thank you for your scientific research"

"I’ve never found a tear free product that didn’t obliterate my eyes. I still haven’t found a sunscreen that I can use on my face without going blind."

"This is so helpful! Thank you for taking one for the team babies!" one viewer cheers.

From Your Site Articles
tear-free baby shampoo
Trending Stories