upworthy

sex

lillyphillipstokk/TikTok & Josh Pieters/YouTube

In the absence of proper sex education in many parts of the country, more and more people are turning to online pornography to learn how things work. In that case, people will be very interested to hear about the curious case of Lily Phillips. The 23-year-old OnlyFans star recently took on an ambitious, if a little gross, challenge: She was going to sleep with 100 men in just 24 hours.

Lily spent months "training" for the stunt, and on the big day, invited a documentary filmmaker along to record what was sure to be a wild journey. The guys were recruited through Lily's large fanbase and flew in to meet her from all over the world. During the stunt, they would take turns coming into the room where they would make small talk, hang their clothes up, and have about 2-3 minutes each with Lily.

One guy brought a single rose.

The most interesting part of filmmaker Josh Pieter's documentary, however, is the aftermath. Immediately afterwards, Lily told the film crew she was feeling physically fine. But anyone watching can clearly see that she is physically and, more importantly, emotionally exhausted.

"It's not for the weak girls, if I'm honest. It was hard, I don't know if I'd recommend it." She then gets emotional trying to describe the intensity of the experiment and has to walk off camera to collect herself.


Lily Phillips crying and collecting herself while being interviewed by documentary crewJosh Pieters/YouTube

Lily eventually opened up and said the thing that got to her was the awkwardness of some of the interactions, how uncomfortable it was at times and feeling pressure to show the guys "a good time," worrying that some of them didn't like her or were disappointed in the experience, or in her. Some of the men guilted her for not spending more time with them or not fulfilling certain expectations they had going in.

I know, I know. It's hard to feel too bad for her knowing she came up with this idea on her own to grow her business and willingly participated. But hearing her reflect on the aftermath is a surprisingly human and affecting moment. Most non-adult stars will, obviously, never attempt such a stunt. But the emotions Lily was feeling at the end of the day still seem awfully relatable to us regular human-beings.

Even the documentary director was surprised by Lily's reaction. "I certainly didn't expect to see Lily so upset at the end of it all," Josh Pieters said. "I thought perhaps in years to come she might look back on this day in sadness, but not so instantly afterwards."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Casual sex has its upsides for some people, but it's emotionally fraught for all parties and has been linked to negative mental health outcomes.

It might be a stretch to call an OnlyFans content stunt "casual sex," but there's a lot we can learn by the end of Lily and Josh's documentary. VerywellMind writes that casual hookups can damage your health in many different ways. There's a risk of disappointment, regret, damaged self-esteem, depression, embarrassment, and more.

Even a so-called professional can't escape some of these emotions! So us normies have to be really careful. It's not that hookups are inherently bad, but a lot of people jump into them without setting expectations, communicating well, and properly thinking through how they're going to feel at the end.

This is a big reason younger generations like Gen Z have been moving away from the casual dating and hooking up culture previous generations were big on.

Global Dating Insights writes that young people report "feeling burnt out, anxious, and disconnected after engaging in short-term flings or casual hookups" and are more likely to seek platonic or long-term romantic relationships — though there are other factors involved in this shift, as well.

A 28-year-old woman told the LA Times, "“[Not having sex] helps me relax,” she said. “It’s not that I don’t care about how I look or how I come off to other people. But I have a little extra help caring less about it, because I don’t have to worry about attracting specific kinds of people for specific things.”

A 21-year-old wrote in to Men's Health curious why everyone he met seemed to only want a romantic relationship or be "demisexual," which means they only feel attraction to someone after forming a strong emotional connection.

It's fascinating to see the pendulum start to swing in the opposite direction as become more aware of some of the mental-health downsides to a practice that has been commonplace for decades.

At the end of the day, feelings aside, the stunt was a huge success for Lily in terms of exposure and content. So much so that she quickly announced a new plan to break the world record for sexual partners in a 24 hour span by trying to reach 1,000 — the current record, for anyone wondering, is 919 set in 2004.

Good luck, we think?

mage from Everyday Feminism, used with permission by creator Alli Kirkham.

There are many different scenarios where consent is necessary.



In 2013, Zerlina Maxwell ignited a firestorm of controversy when she strongly recommended we stop telling women how to not get raped.

Here are her words, from the transcript of her appearance on Sean Hannity's show:

"I don't think that we should be telling women anything. I think we should be telling men not to rape women and start the conversation there with prevention."

So essentially — instead of teaching women how to avoid rape, let's raise boys specifically not to rape.


There was a lot of ire raised from that idea. Maxwell was on the receiving end of a deluge of online harassment and scary threats because of her ideas, which is sadly common for outspoken women on the Internet.

People assumed it meant she was labeling all boys as potential rapists or that every man has a rape-monster he carries inside him unless we quell it from the beginning.

But the truth is most of the rapes women experience are perpetrated by people they know and trust. So fully educating boys during their formative years about what constitutes consent and why it's important to practice explicitly asking for consent could potentially eradicate a large swath of acquaintance rape. It's not a condemnation on their character or gender, but an extra set of tools to help young men approach sex without damaging themselves or anyone else.

news, campaigns, young men, cultural norms

Zerlina Maxwell is interviewed on "Hannity."

Image from “Hannity."

But what does teaching boys about consent really look like in action?

Well, there's the viral letter I wrote to my teen titled "Son, It's Okay If You Don't Get Laid Tonight" explaining his responsibility in the matter. I wanted to show by example that Maxwell's words weren't about shaming or blaming boys who'd done nothing wrong yet, but about giving them a road map to navigate their sexual encounters ahead.

There are also rape prevention campaigns on many college campuses, aiming to reach young men right at the heart of where acquaintance rape is so prevalent. Many men are welcoming these efforts.

And then there are creative endeavors to find the right metaphors and combination of words to get people to shake off their acceptance of cultural norms and see rape culture clearly.


This is brilliant:

consent, rape prevention, community, consent culture

A comic about different types of consent.

Image from Everyday Feminism, used with permission by creator Alli Kirkham.

There you have it. Seven comparisons that anyone can use to show how simple and logical the idea of consent really is. Consent culture is on its way because more and more people are sharing these ideas and getting people to think critically. How can we not share an idea whose time has come?

This article originally appeared on 06.27.15

Parenting

Study shows who's teaching girls about sex when school and parents won't

New research reveals an unintended side-effect of abstinence-only education.

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

For better or worse, pornography has never been easier to access. And with an increasing number of young people having their own phones and devices — which aren't always monitored — it makes sense that usage in that demographic would be on the rise.

Watching porn has typically been thought of as a boy thing. What's surprising is just how common it's becoming among girls.

A 2024 study showed that 60% of women ages 18-34 regularly watched porn, with a majority of those first starting when they were teenagers — or younger.


What's especially fascinating about the study is that it also examined relationships between porn use in women and the type of sex education those women received in school.

Young women who received abstinence-only education were actually more likely to watch porn.

a girl laying in bed with a cell phone Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

A large majority of the women surveyed who did use pornography cited it as a "source of sexuality learning, especially regarding sexual pleasure."

The study adds that the participants generally admitted porn wasn't the ideal place to learn, but sought it out anyway.

Whatever your attitude about porn, most people can probably agree — this development is not great!

Actress Jameela Jamil famously said, "Learning to have sex from porn is like learning how to drive from The Fast and Furious. A bloody horrendous idea."

But what other choice do young people have? Abstinence-only education gives very little, if any, information about the bare minimum of condoms, other contraception, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It preaches that abstaining from sex is the expected standard and the only solution to the risks inherent with sex.

It's easy to see why young people would be frustrated, and why they would go online looking for answers.

Sex education is still lacking at nearly every level. Including at home.

yellow banana fruit with condom on green textile Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

We have known for years (and years and years and years) that abstinence-only education isn't effective. It's been shown again and again not to delay young people having intercourse — and it's not effective at reducing teen pregnancies or STD's.

Worse, it leaves kids not knowing nearly enough about contraception, consent, and safe sex when they do choose to become active.

It's a stubborn approach that won't seem to go away despite the mounting evidence against it. (Its popularity comes and goes depending on who's in political power at the time and is still quite common throughout the United States.)

Even in some slightly more comprehensive sex education programs, however, the focus is still on risk-reduction and contraception. That's a decent start — but leaves young people frustrated with all the missing information.

"The findings suggest the need for comprehensive sexuality education that addresses essential topics, such as sexual pleasure and sexual script development, to cater to women’s diverse learning needs," the study's authors write, "ideally taught by parents or primary caregivers, but may be necessary for public education in the absence of parental instruction."

The idea of schools teaching information about sexual pleasure feels... weird. But if parents can't or won't do it, someone has to. And it can't be worse than having kids trying to imitate what they see on PornHub.

Public health experts Leslie Kantor and Laura Lindberg write, "Focusing on [risk-reduction] topics and measures overlooks many key aspects of young people’s current and future sexual lives, including the ability to form and maintain healthy relationships; the right to decide whether, when, and with whom to engage in sexual behavior; and the fact that sex should be pleasurable, to name just a few."

It's a little hard to imagine a world where public schools are allowed to go deep on topics like pleasure, sexual identity and preference, consent, and more. (They can't even give out Tylenol without written permission!) So until that day comes, parents have got to pick up the slack at home.

I know, the thought makes many of us want to curl up and die. But the benefits of going deeper into these, admittedly uncomfortable, topics with our kids are vast, including:

  • Lower rates of homophobia and bullying
  • Decreases in partner and dating violence
  • Reduced number of sexual partners
  • Increased contraceptive use
  • Improved sexual communication skills
And, just maybe, with better education, fewer young people would turn to porn to teach them about sex and pleasure.
Popular

Real guys share the obvious romantic hints they missed and it's a must read for every man

The extremely common (and funny!) ways most guys are oblivious to crystal-clear come-ons.

Unsplash

Men mistaking basic politeness or friendliness for flirting is a common source of frustration for women. Just ask any waitress or bartender! But it's also extremely common (and way funnier) when guys are just completely oblivious to crystal-clear come-ons.

There's some science behind the male inability to take a basic hint. Research shows that men's brains may have to work twice as hard as women's to interpret facial expressions. And surprisingly, men are worse at reading emotions in women than in other men. There are also key aspects of the way men are socialized that lead to us being worse at nonverbal communication in many cases.

Add it all up, and it can be tough for men and women to get on the same page at times — especially when it comes to romance.


A recent Reddit thread highlighted the problem in a hilarious way.: "What's the biggest hint you received but [were] totally clueless about?"

There were stunning levels of obliviousness on display in the comments, not to mention a deep and hilarious sense of regret permeating the entire discussion.

black haired man making face Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

Here are some of the best responses.

"Girl in college grabbed my arm and told me to come to her room. I said I had some reading to do." - Shto_Delat

"Helped a girl move into her new place and assemble the bed. “We should test it out,” Me, bouncing up and down on it: “seems fine” Sorry, Caroline." - Underwritingking

"Freshman year of college I was talking to this girl who lived like an hour and a half drive away. One weekend I drove down by her to go to concert afterwards we hung out in her apartment until like 2:30 in the morning when she tells me her roommate is out of town so I can spend the night. My response “I’m good to drive” and then I drove home." - profJesusfish

Some of the stories had happy endings.

"A girl and I had fooled around in my dorm room. She decided to spend the night. I got up to sleep in my chair because I was unsure if I should stay in my bed with her. She yelled at me. 19 years and two kids later I think she likes me. But...she IS canadian". - wdh662

But, for the most part, these poor dudes never did get a second chance.

"Walking her home after a party we were talking and laughing and I made a joke about snoring and she got serious and said "you want to come find out if I snore" and I made another dumb dismissive joke like "what? No way!" Somehow ended up alone in my room that night kicking myself. I really liked her too. Never got a second chance." - DaBigadeeBolla

"Spent all night chatting with a girl at a house party in my teens. We ended up crashing in the same room.She asked me "do you want to share the bed?" It was a single bed, I said "nah, I'll take the floor" - Loki_lulamen

Some guys chalked the whiffs up to a lack of confidence.

"In high school, a girl greeted me with a kiss on the lips every morning, several days in a row. The idea that she could be interested was so unimaginable to me that it only clicked like 10 years later. Yeah, building my self-confidence has required civil engineering-level work." - Hoaxymore

Others had no rational explanation.

"Had a coworker call me at 2:30 in the morning with a flirtatious "Heeeey, were you asleep?" I said yes, and hung up because I had to be up in a few hours for work." - Shodspartan

The undisputed winning story of the thread came from a guy who blew his chance not once, but twice, in brutally painful fashion.

man in black jacket sitting on wooden dock during daytimeThis guy probably needed to do a little self-reflection after this one. Photo by Zachary Ferguson on Unsplash

The story begins after a party in high school once everyone else had left:

I asked her if she needed help cleaning. She told me she was getting a bit tired and she could do with a massage. I said “Oh ok, I’ll let you rest. Talk to you tomorrow”…. And left.

The following week, she was kind of upset with me. It took me 7 years to understand what it all meant. Some time later, 3 years later we met up again (school reunion), talked to her and confirmed what had happened.

… wait, it gets worse.

At the end of our reunion she told me “you know, it is never too late to fix mistakes”. I smiled, said “yeah, if I had a Time Machine, right?” before getting in my car, driving off to home, parked the car, opened the door and fucking got the fact that I blew up another chance. - rodrigoelp

People in the comments were mortified for the guy, who may never live this one down.

It's good that stories like this exist.

They may be playfully painful memories for the people involved, but the new model in dating, hook ups, and relationships is crystal clear about this:

Enthusiastic consent!

There's no room for gray area and assumptions.

It might be humiliating immediately after the fact, but guys who are missing seemingly-obvious hints are doing at least one thing right.