Heroes

The Most Hilarious Sex Education Video Narrated By A Dwarf From The Hobbit I Have Ever Seen

Whether you know Richard Armitage best as Thorin Oakenshield from "The Hobbit," or as Sir Guy of Gisbourne from BBC's short-lived "Robin Hood" series, it's pretty safe to say that this incredibly amusing and informative documentary about a world of people-sized sperm would not be the same without his rich narration. This is so much better than anything your teacher ever showed you in health class.

The Most Hilarious Sex Education Video Narrated By A Dwarf From The Hobbit I Have Ever Seen

Here are some moments you don't want to miss:


  • At 0:58, meet the sperm. They make weird noises and run up a mountain. This is totally normal sperm behavior.
  • At 2:07 meet Glenn. He has a "miracle of engineering tucked away in his pants." This is totally normal human biology.
  • At 3:00 sperm is very particular. But it's fun to watch in a petri dish. This is totally normal scientific behavior.
  • At 4:00 experts answer the question, "In our people-sized sperm world, what would a testicle be like?"
  • At 7:20 did you know some sperm like to knit in their down time? Get it together, Glenn!
  • At 8:40 this is for you, history buffs: sperm entering a vagina is like the sexual equivalent of D-Day.
  • At 9:39 Glenn heroically brushes his teeth. This is weirdly normal human behavior given the intensity of that D-Day metaphor.
  • At 10:56 there is a "wet and wild high-speed ticket to oblivion."
  • At 11:30 ejaculation is pleasurable for the man, but what do sperm experience? Warning: one of the sperm in this segment looks bizarrely like Harry Potter. Another warning: there is Enya music.
  • At 13:00 this scientist reveals some of his more, er, personal specimens? This is totally normal scientific behavior.
  • At 13:36 you won't believe what old-timey scientists thought about sperm. They used to call sperm "animicules" which I think is just adorable.
  • At 15:35 DON'T EJACULATE TOO MUCH.
  • At 16:10 Glenn's sperm quest begins. This is totally normal quest-like behavior.
  • At 17:15 everything is epic. THIS is the "Lord of the Rings" of sex-ed videos.
  • At 20:30 the cervix looks pretty ominous. Then it sends down metaphorical mucus ladders. This is totally normal cervix behavior.
  • At 26:20 you learn that the better the sex, the better the chance of conception?
  • At 28:10 you might want to look away for this very visual bit about female pig orgasms.
  • At 30:38 a healthy egg from a fertile donor costs about $30,000. Remind me again why I went to college?
  • At 32:15 strippers helped evolutionary psychologists understand ovulation and attractiveness to males or something. This is mostly typical pretend social science that concludes with the result that women are more attractive to men because of ovulation and control men's reactions to them because of a connection between big boobs and smaller waists? Picture me sighing exasperatedly.
  • At 35:45 watch out, sperm, IT'S A TRAP! (admiralakbar.gif)
  • At 40:44 get to sperm heaven.
  • At 44:20 find out what sperm smells like. Science!
  • At 46:12 the sperm strip down to their underwear.
  • At 50:46 the sperm blows its head up to win the race. This is totally normal sperm behavior.
  • And finally, at 52:30, let's have a moment of silence for all the dead sperm that didn't make it.
Images courtesy of John Scully, Walden University, Ingrid Scully
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Photo courtesy of John Scully

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"As kids, we were all afraid of getting polio," he says, "because if you got polio, you could end up in the dreaded iron lung and we were all terrified of those." Iron lungs were respirators that enclosed most of a person's body; people with severe cases often would end up in these respirators as they fought for their lives.

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"We all tried to be really careful in the summer — or, as we called it back then, 'polio season,''" John says. This was because every year around Memorial Day, major outbreaks would begin to emerge and they'd spike sometime around August. People weren't really sure how the disease spread at the time, but many believed it traveled through the water. There was no cure — and every child was susceptible to getting sick with it.

"We couldn't swim in hot weather," he remembers, "and the municipal outdoor pool would close down in August."

Then, in 1954 clinical trials began for Dr. Jonas Salk's vaccine against polio and within a year, his vaccine was announced safe. "I got that vaccine at school," John says. Within two years, U.S. polio cases had dropped 85-95 percent — even before a second vaccine was developed by Dr. Albert Sabin in the 1960s. "I remember how much better things got after the vaccines came out. They changed everything," John says.

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Images courtesy of John Scully, Walden University, Ingrid Scully
True

Since March of 2020, over 29 million Americans have been diagnosed with COVID-19, according to the CDC. Over 540,000 have died in the United States as this unprecedented pandemic has swept the globe. And yet, by the end of 2020, it looked like science was winning: vaccines had been developed.

In celebration of the power of science we spoke to three people: an individual, a medical provider, and a vaccine scientist about how vaccines have impacted them throughout their lives. Here are their answers:

John Scully, 79, resident of Florida

Photo courtesy of John Scully

When John Scully was born, America was in the midst of an epidemic: tens of thousands of children in the United States were falling ill with paralytic poliomyelitis — otherwise known as polio, a disease that attacks the central nervous system and often leaves its victims partially or fully paralyzed.

"As kids, we were all afraid of getting polio," he says, "because if you got polio, you could end up in the dreaded iron lung and we were all terrified of those." Iron lungs were respirators that enclosed most of a person's body; people with severe cases often would end up in these respirators as they fought for their lives.

John remembers going to see matinee showings of cowboy movies on Saturdays and, before the movie, shorts would run. "Usually they showed the news," he says, "but I just remember seeing this one clip warning us about polio and it just showed all these kids in iron lungs." If kids survived the iron lung, they'd often come back to school on crutches, in leg braces, or in wheelchairs.

"We all tried to be really careful in the summer — or, as we called it back then, 'polio season,''" John says. This was because every year around Memorial Day, major outbreaks would begin to emerge and they'd spike sometime around August. People weren't really sure how the disease spread at the time, but many believed it traveled through the water. There was no cure — and every child was susceptible to getting sick with it.

"We couldn't swim in hot weather," he remembers, "and the municipal outdoor pool would close down in August."

Then, in 1954 clinical trials began for Dr. Jonas Salk's vaccine against polio and within a year, his vaccine was announced safe. "I got that vaccine at school," John says. Within two years, U.S. polio cases had dropped 85-95 percent — even before a second vaccine was developed by Dr. Albert Sabin in the 1960s. "I remember how much better things got after the vaccines came out. They changed everything," John says.

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