Heroes
The Most Hilarious Sex Education Video Narrated By A Dwarf From The Hobbit I Have Ever Seen
Whether you know Richard Armitage best as Thorin Oakenshield from "The Hobbit," or as Sir Guy of Gisbourne from BBC's short-lived "Robin Hood" series, it's pretty safe to say that this incredibly amusing and informative documentary about a world of people-sized sperm would not be the same without his rich narration. This is so much better than anything your teacher ever showed you in health class.
01.22.13
Here are some moments you don't want to miss:
- At 0:58, meet the sperm. They make weird noises and run up a mountain. This is totally normal sperm behavior.
- At 2:07 meet Glenn. He has a "miracle of engineering tucked away in his pants." This is totally normal human biology.
- At 3:00 sperm is very particular. But it's fun to watch in a petri dish. This is totally normal scientific behavior.
- At 4:00 experts answer the question, "In our people-sized sperm world, what would a testicle be like?"
- At 7:20 did you know some sperm like to knit in their down time? Get it together, Glenn!
- At 8:40 this is for you, history buffs: sperm entering a vagina is like the sexual equivalent of D-Day.
- At 9:39 Glenn heroically brushes his teeth. This is weirdly normal human behavior given the intensity of that D-Day metaphor.
- At 10:56 there is a "wet and wild high-speed ticket to oblivion."
- At 11:30 ejaculation is pleasurable for the man, but what do sperm experience? Warning: one of the sperm in this segment looks bizarrely like Harry Potter. Another warning: there is Enya music.
- At 13:00 this scientist reveals some of his more, er, personal specimens? This is totally normal scientific behavior.
- At 13:36 you won't believe what old-timey scientists thought about sperm. They used to call sperm "animicules" which I think is just adorable.
- At 15:35 DON'T EJACULATE TOO MUCH.
- At 16:10 Glenn's sperm quest begins. This is totally normal quest-like behavior.
- At 17:15 everything is epic. THIS is the "Lord of the Rings" of sex-ed videos.
- At 20:30 the cervix looks pretty ominous. Then it sends down metaphorical mucus ladders. This is totally normal cervix behavior.
- At 26:20 you learn that the better the sex, the better the chance of conception?
- At 28:10 you might want to look away for this very visual bit about female pig orgasms.
- At 30:38 a healthy egg from a fertile donor costs about $30,000. Remind me again why I went to college?
- At 32:15 strippers helped evolutionary psychologists understand ovulation and attractiveness to males or something. This is mostly typical pretend social science that concludes with the result that women are more attractive to men because of ovulation and control men's reactions to them because of a connection between big boobs and smaller waists? Picture me sighing exasperatedly.
- At 35:45 watch out, sperm, IT'S A TRAP! (admiralakbar.gif)
- At 40:44 get to sperm heaven.
- At 44:20 find out what sperm smells like. Science!
- At 46:12 the sperm strip down to their underwear.
- At 50:46 the sperm blows its head up to win the race. This is totally normal sperm behavior.
- And finally, at 52:30, let's have a moment of silence for all the dead sperm that didn't make it.
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A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons
An office kitchen.via
An angry man eating spaghetti.via 



An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.