"For as long as we both shall live" may be the standard expectation for marriages just starting out, but the reality is a bit different. About half of first marriages end in divorce, and fewer than 5% of marriages last 50 years or more.
Couples who have been married for over 60 years are even rarer to find, but one couple who is pushing 70 years of married life has grabbed the attention of millions on Yair Brachiyahu's TikTok channel.
Surely, two people who have managed to stay together for almost seven decades know something most people don't about what a successful marriage entails, so Yair asked them what advice they'd give for a long and healthy marriage.
The husband chimed in first with a classic, humorous quip—"Just say yes all the time,"—to which they both laughed.
"Just never to fight," the wife said. "No fighting, great marriage."
Yair then asked what they love most about each other. She said she loves when he listens, to which they both laughed again. Then he said he loves "just about everything" about her.
The couple met through friends, and she said he fell for her immediately. He didn't argue with that, saying he fell for looks, body and personality. "That's all you need," he said, adding "She had no money," with a laugh.
When asked how they've been able to stay married for 69 years, they both responded that you have to bend a little—or a lot—and "you have to accept the good and the bad in the person."
And then the finale, when Yair asked what was the best time they've had together. Watch:
@yairbrachiyahu69 Years Married Couple Give Advice… #interview #lifelessons #longervideos #marriage
People weighed in with their thoughts.
"The magic of 2 o'clock in the morning 😂😂," wrote one person.
"Their sense of humor is obviously one of the reasons they have kept the marriage intact," wrote another.
Some people really resonated with the "accept the good and the bad in the person" advice, others loved how he said, "say yes all the time," while others focused on the "no fighting."
One of the striking things about the couple's advice is how seemingly simple it all is.
"No fighting" may seem unrealistic or even unhealthy to some, but there's a difference between disagreeing and fighting. Research shows that happily married people do get into arguments sometimes, but they disagree and argue differently than couples who aren't happy.
“Happy couples tend to take a solution-oriented approach to conflict, and this is clear even in the topics that they choose to discuss,” said Amy Rauer, associate professor of child and family studies and director of the Relationships and Development Lab in the College of Education, Health, and Human Sciences at the University of Tennessee. Rauer was the lead author on a study that examined the marital problems happy couples face. One finding from the study is that happy couples choose their battles and focus on dealing with more solvable problems first.
“If couples feel that they can work together to resolve their issues, it may give them the confidence to move on to tackling the more difficult issues,” Rauer shared.
Accepting the good and the bad is solid advice, provided the bad isn't something abusive or damaging in some way. Expecting our partners to be perfect or holding them to an unachievable standard leads to conflict and resentment.
And bending? That's key. Marriage is a give-and-take, two-way relationship and both parties have to be flexible.
As for the 2 o'clock in the morning answer, well that's open to interpretation. But it seems pretty clear that the shared attraction that brought them together is still alive and well.
Yair interviews a lot of people in their golden years who share their wisdom and life lessons. You can follow him on TikTok here.
Tina Platamura
