celebrities

Long before Nicole Kidman began her long-term relationship with AMC theaters, she was committed to husband and country singer Keith Urban. The two have happily been together since 2006—which is a good run for any modern day marriage, but most certainly a Hollywood one. Celebrity marriages have been shown in some studies to be more likely than your average relationship to end in divorce. These marriages certainly feel volatile to us normie outsiders. When big-time celebrities split, it's often very public, all over entertainment news and TMZ, and often pinned (rightly or not) on steamy affairs with other celebrities.

So for Kidman and Urban to be going strong almost 20 years later, it indicates they're definitely doing something right inside their home. Perhaps their nearly decades-long success can be partially attributed to one surprising communication rule: no texting.

While appearing on the Something To Talk About podcast in 2023, Kidman shared that she was the one who initiated the unconventional agreement to (almost) never send text messages to each other.

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman look really happy together, but like any marriage, it takes work. Giphy

"We never text each other, can you believe that? We started out that way – I was like, 'If you want to get a hold of me, call me…"I wasn't really a texter.,” the Moulin Rouge actress shared.

She added that while Urban did attempt texting her a few items early on, he eventually switched when Kidman wasn’t very responsive. And now, 18 years later, they only call each other.

“We just do voice to voice or skin to skin, as we always say. We talk all the time and we FaceTime but we just don’t text because I feel like texting can be misrepresentative at times…I don’t want that between my lover and I,” she told Parade.

There are, of course, some pros and cons to calling over texting. Research has shown that people who call feel more connected to one another vs. texting, with the voice being an integral component of bonding.

As our society becomes increasingly more distant and lonely, finding those moments might be more important than ever.

At the same time, calling can invoke a lot more anxiety compared to texting, which could lead someone to not communicating at all. Also, I don’t know about you, but the thought of having to call my partner for mundane things like “don’t forget the eggs” would drive me crazy.

Still, Kidman is right that texting can be extremely fraught for anyone in a close romantic, family, or friend relationship. Tone is hard to gauge and it's easy to misinterpret someone's intention when you read their messages. Jokes can come across as serious statements or passive aggressive jabs. It's also easier to be snarky and combative over text when you don't have to look the person in the eye and sit in the discomfort.

Finally, Kidman and Urban may just be in that generational sweet spot where they're not big on texting. The couple are closing in on their 60s, making them elder members of Generation X. People in that generation, while tech-savvy enough, sometimes aren't as fluent in the nuances of texting tone, punctuation, and emoji use, which puts them at even greater risk of being misinterpreted and running into conflicts.

Kudos to them for being self-aware enough to dodge that minefield altogether.

Regardless of whether or not you adopt Kidman and Urban’s no-texting rule, perhaps the bigger takeaway is that relationship longevity depends on being able to establish your own rules.

One that feels good and that each partner is able to stick to. Especially when it comes to communication.

Some couples swear by the old "never go to bed angry," school of thought. Others have unique rules or schedules to keep the romantic side of their lives before. There's no universal right way to do it, but the couples who communicate and come up with their own guardrails are definitely on the right track.

As Urban himself told E! News at the CMT Music Awards, "I have no advice for anybody. You guys figure out whatever works for you…We're figuring it out. You figure it out. Everybody's different. There's no one size fits all."

Luckily, there are many ways to have good text hygiene, without having to do away with it completely. Very Well Mind suggests to avoid texting too many questions, and to be respectful of your partner's schedule (probably best to not text them while they’re sleeping just to say “hey,” for example). Nor should texting be used to argue or deal with conflict. Lastly, probably save the lengthy, in-depth conversations for a phone call. Fifteen heart emojis are totally fine though.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.