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Men try to read the most disturbing comments women get online back to them.

If you wouldn't say it to their faces, don't type it.

Image from https://www.youtube.com/...

This isn’t comfortable to talk about.

Trigger warning for discussion of sexual assault and violence.

A recent video by Just Not Sports took two prominent female sportswriters and had regular guys* read the awful abuse they receive online aloud.

Sportswriters Sarah Spain and Julie DiCaro sat by as men read some of the most vile tweets they receive on a daily basis. See how long you can last watching it.

*(Note: The men reading them did not write these comments; they're just being helpful volunteers to prove a point.)

It starts out kind of jokey but eventually devolves into messages like this:

Awful.

All images and GIFs from Just Not Sports/YouTube.

These types of messages come in response to one thing: The women were doing their jobs.

Those wishes that DiCaro would die by hockey stick and get raped? Those were the result of her simply reporting on the National Hockey League's most disturbing ordeal: the Patrick Kane rape case, in which one of the league's top players was accused of rape.

DiCaro wasn't writing opinion pieces. She was simply reporting things like what the police said, statements from lawyers, and just general everyday work reporters do. In response, she received a deluge of death threats. Her male colleagues didn't receive nearly the same amount of abuse.

It got to the point where she and her employer thought it best to stay home for a day or two for her own physical safety.

The men in the video seemed absolutely shocked that real live human beings would attack someone simply for doing their jobs.

broadcast news, female reporters, discrimination

Not saying it.

All images and GIFs from Just Not Sports/YouTube.

Most found themselves speechless or, at very least, struggling to read the words being presented.

All images and GIFs from Just Not Sports/YouTube.

Think this is all just anecdotal? There's evidence to the contrary.

The Guardian did a study to find out how bad this problem really is.

They did a study of over 70 million comments that have been posted on their site since 2006. They counted how many comments that violated their comment policy were blocked.

The stats were staggering.

From their comprehensive and disturbing article:

"Although the majority of our regular opinion writers are white men, we found that those who experienced the highest levels of abuse and dismissive trolling were not. The 10 regular writers who got the most abuse were eight women (four white and four non-white) and two black men. Two of the women and one of the men were gay. And of the eight women in the 'top 10', one was Muslim and one Jewish.

And the 10 regular writers who got the least abuse? All men."

harassment, feminism, culture, community

If you can’t say it to their face... don’t type it.

All images and GIFs from Just Not Sports/YouTube.

So what can people do about this kind of harassment once they know it exists?

To start? Share things that make people aware it's happening. Listen to the Just Not Sports podcast where they talk about it.
If you know someone who talks like this to anyone on the internet, CALL THEM OUT. Publicly, privately — just let them know it's not OK to talk to anyone like this.
Don't stop talking about it. Every day, the harassment continues. Don't let it linger without attention.

There are no easy answers. But the more people who know this behavior exists, the more people there will be to tell others it's not OK to talk to anyone like that.

Watch the whole video below:

.This article originally appeared on 04.27.16

From Your Site Articles

Family

Former pro athlete explains how to assess a kid's true athletic potential

Nate Daniels breaks down how to tell if your kid has the talent and skill to go pro—and why that's not so important.

@natedaniels_1/TikTok

Having unrealistic expectations can makes parents and kids miss out on what's important—enjoying the game.

Following a 6-year stint as a professional football player, Nate Daniels is now dedicated to helping families navigate the world of children’s sports in positive and uplifting ways. When not mentoring through his Next Level Athletes program, you might find Daniels on TikTok sharing stories from his pro football days along with helpful insights for parents.

Recently Daniels delved into a question that he gets from parents all the time: “Is my child an elite athlete?”

Parents are, of course, usually asking this question with the good intention of setting their kid up for their best possible future. After all, a potential professional future would require a completely different level of commitment, both from the child and the parents, so it would be good to know that as soon as possible. But how to know if that’s necessary?

According to Daniels, the answer might be quite simple.

“First of all, if you have to ask me that question, they're probably not an elite athlete, but stay with me,” he says at the start of his clip.

As he explains, “When you have an elite athlete, it is glaring. They stick out like a sore thumb. A layman could walk in the gym and be like, ‘Man, who is that kid?’ You could walk out on the soccer pitch, the baseball field, the lacrosse field, and everyone knows that kid is different.”

In other words, this kind of gift won’t go unnoticed, both by other parents and the child’s coach. “Like my idol when I was growing up, used to say, Walter Payton, ‘When you're good, you're going around telling everybody how good you are. But when you're great, they're telling you.’” Daniels attests.

But Daniels also affirms that the next part is far more “crucial” for parents to understand: “You do not know what you have until a kid has hit puberty.”

@natedaniels_1 I’m asked by sports parents multiple times a week about their athletes potential let’s talk about it. #youthsports #youthathletes #sportsparents #athlete #athletesoftiktok #sports #athletes #sportstiktok #sportsperformance #parentsoftiktok #athletemotivation #athletemindset @Next Level Athletes ♬ original sound - Nate Daniels

“I've coached and trained youth athletes that were completely dominant at the youth level. And after they hit puberty has disappeared. And the beautiful thing I've also coached, the vice versa,” he explained.

This was something that many other parents had also witnessed, as indicated by the comments.

“This is so true. My son was a beast as a youth. Everybody knew his name. Then puberty hit and he disappeared. Still not sure what happened. 🤷🏾♀️,” one viewer wrote.

"I can’t tell you how many middle school kids and even freshmen level out in 10th grade and then everyone else catches up and most of the time surpasses!” shared another.

Daniels’ final message to parents is this: “If you have a youth athlete that is experiencing success, just let them enjoy that success. Let them continue to work hard. Be patient to see how it will play out.”

“I'm not saying this to burst your bubble or to temper your being proud. I'm proud. I want you to be proud of your kids, but these expectations that you're projecting just aren't realistic most times.”

And to youth athletes currently struggling, Daniels says: “Keep your head down and keep working. Do not let anything discourage you. You never know what the future holds. But in order to fulfill that potential, you have to keep putting in the work.”

Sports can have so many benefits for kids, regardless of whether or not they go pro. But so many of those benefits might be overshadowed by performance pressures put on by well-meaning parents. Take it from a pro himself—slow down. Enjoy the game and let the future unfold.

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Harvard psychologists have been studying what it takes to raise 'good' kids. Here are 6 tips.

Help unlock your child's best self with a few tried-and-true strategies.

Kids playing baseball with a slide into second.

A lot of parents are tired of being told how technology is screwing up their kids.

Moms and dads of the digital age are well aware of the growing competition for their children's attention, and they're bombarded at each turn of the page or click of the mouse with both cutting-edge ideas and newfound worries for raising great kids.

But beneath the madness of modernity, the basics of raising a moral child haven't really changed.

Parents want their kids to achieve their goals and find happiness, but Harvard researchers believe that doesn't have to come at the expense of kindness and empathy. They say a few tried-and-true strategies remain the best ways to mold your kids into the morally upstanding and goals-oriented humans you want them to be.

Entertaining the toddlers.

Cartoon by Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

Here are six practical tips:

1) Hang out with your kids.

parenting advice, healthy habits, teachable moments

Cleaning the hands.

Image by Cade Martin/Public Domain Images.

This is, like, the foundation of it all. Spend regular time with your kids, ask them open-ended questions about themselves, about the world and how they see it, and actively listen to their responses. Not only will you learn all sorts of things that make your child unique, you'll also be demonstrating to them how to show care and concern for another person.

2) If it matters, say it out loud.

Teamwork in process.

Image by Steven Bennett/Wikimedia Commons.

According to the researchers, "Even though most parents and caretakers say that their children being caring is a top priority, often children aren't hearing that message." So be sure to say it with them. And so they know it's something they need to keep up with, check in with teachers, coaches, and others who work with your kids on how they're doing with teamwork, collaboration, and being a generally nice person.

3) Show your child how to "work it out."

sports and exercise, team exercise, building confidence

Playing soccer.

Image by susieq3c/Flickr.

Walk them through decision-making processes that take into consideration people who could be affected. For example, if your child wants to quit a sport or other activity, encourage them to identify the source of the problem and consider their commitment to the team. Then help them figure out if quitting does, in fact, fix the problem.

4) Make helpfulness and gratitude routine.

Ingenuity for cleaning up.

Image by David D/Flickr.

The researchers write, "Studies show that people who engage in the habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving — and they're also more likely to be happy and healthy." So it's good for parents to hold the line on chores, asking kids to help their siblings, and giving thanks throughout the day. And when it comes to rewarding "good" behavior, the researchers recommend that parents "only praise uncommon acts of kindness."

5) Check your child's destructive emotions.

negative feelings, emotional intelligence, honesty, understanding

An automatic save.

Image by Thomas Ricker/Flickr.

"The ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings," say the researchers. Helping kids name and process those emotions, then guiding them toward safe conflict resolution, will go a long way toward keeping them focused on being a caring individual. It's also important to set clear and reasonable boundaries that they'll understand are out of love and concern for their safety.

6) Show your kids the bigger picture.

A reflective moment by the ocean.

Image by debowcyfoto/Pixabay.

"Almost all children empathize with and care about a small circle of families and friends," say the researchers. The trick is getting them to care about people who are socially, culturally, and even geographically outside their circles. You can do this by coaching them to be good listeners, by encouraging them to put themselves in other people's shoes, and by practicing empathy using teachable moments in news and entertainment.

The study concludes with a short pep talk for all the parents out there:

"Raising a caring, respectful, ethical child is and always has been hard work. But it's something all of us can do. And no work is more important or ultimately more rewarding."

This article originally appeared on 06.16.15

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Pop Culture

Simone Biles debunks misconceptions and assumptions about elite gymnasts

"I'm actually not very competitive at all…my goal is never to win—it just kind of happens."

Fernando Frazão/Agência Brasil (Wikimedia Commons)

Simone Biles sets the record straight on gymnastics myths.

Gymnastics is a somewhat unique sport in that the distance between the athletes at the top and the average person is far greater than in many other sports. Most people can run, just not as fast as Usain Bolt. Most people can dribble a ball and make some baskets, just not as well as Steph Curry. Most people can swim, but not nearly as well as Katie Ledecky.

But most people can't do a single flip on a balance beam or swing themselves over a bar once or do even the most basic gymnastics tumbling pass on the floor. Forget about the average person trying to fling themselves over a vault, much less do what Simone Biles or other elite gymnasts can do in any of those events.

Since few are able to do gymnastics at all and even fewer compete at the Olympic level, elite gymnasts are a curiosity for many. To help satisfy that curiosity, Simone Biles sat down with Glamour in 2021 and responded to some of the misconceptions and assumptions people have about top level gymnasts.

Biles, who will be competing with Team USA again in the 2024 Paris Olympic games, broke down the misconceptions into three categories: Sport, Lifestyle and Physique. Here are some highlights from her responses:

"Gymnastics is not a sport."

Umm, what? Biles said she hears this a lot, but pointed out that "every four years, everybody tunes in to watch gymnastics, so it's gotta be a sport at least."

Then she pointed out what makes it not only a sport, but one of the hardest sports in the world. "It's all sports combined in one," she said. "You can't just be fast, you have to have agility, you have to be able to jump, you have to be able to flip, memorize routines—it's kind of all-in-one."

"Gymnasts retire at an early age and have a short career."

At 27, Biles herself has defied the standard retirement age of elite gymnasts, so she may not be the one to come at with this. She pointed out that a lot of gymnasts get college scholarships and then retire around 22 or 23.

"You have to be rich to get into the sport, lessons are expensive."

Biles confirmed, "It is actually a very expensive sport. And it's also year-long. We don't have a season and then you can take a break. And you kind of have to train your whole life for it. So yes, it does get to be expensive.

"You can't start gymnastics later in life."

Biles shared that she started when she was almost 7, which is "late" in the elite gymnastics world. "Usually you start in 'mommy and me' classes or as soon as you can walk," she said.

"You can't be afraid of heights as a gymnast."

"You actually can," said Biles, 'but it doesn't affect you in the gym when you're flipping because you don't notice how high you are, so I feel like that one's sort of a myth." She added that her fear isn't a fear of falling from high up but a fear that she's going to jump from someplace high up. "I don't want to die, I just want to jump off," she said.

"They're not very nice and super competitive in all aspects of life."

"I'm actually not very competitive at all," Biles said. "In a gym or in a competition, my goal is never to win, it just kind of happens. But I also feel like whenever you're at the top everybody preys on your downfall, which is really strange to me."

She shared that her sister did gymnastics until she was around 17. While she was really good, she decided to quit because of the pressure and everyone compared her to her sister. When she would win competitions, people thought it wasn't fair that both sisters would win all the time, and she had enough of it.

"I feel like people also think gymnasts are really mean because most of the time we're so serious you don't get to see our personality," she added.

"All work and no play."

"Yes and no, I guess we can play after work," she said. "I've learned that I have to fuel myself outside of the gym too, whether that's hanging out with family, friends, going shopping or doing whatever. I still have to be happy at the end of the day without gymnastics."

"They have to wake up at 4:00 a.m."

"I don't wake up at 4:00 a.m. I wake up at like 6:15 just because we start practice at 7:00," she said, adding, "If I had to wake up at 4:00 I wouldn't go to the gym."

"They don't have time to take care of their mental health."

Biles shared that she goes to therapy. "I think it should be talked about a lot more, because it's not something to be ashamed or afraid of," she said. "Everybody has something that works for them and that's what I just found works for me."

"They have body image issues."

"I feel like that's not a misconception about gymnasts, I feel like that's everybody in general. Everybody struggles with body image issues, wanting to look different, thinking you're not skinny. I feel like that's everybody in life."

"You have to have a certain body type to do gymnastics."

"Back in the day, everybody had a more slim body and was really flexible and skinny," Biles said. "But now, you can be a little bit shorter and more powerful like me. So, I definitely think it's evolved. So I think that's false, as well."

"I feel like whatever your body type is you just have to be in shape to do gymnastics," she added. "I think it's different now. Everybody thought bar swingers were a little bit taller, leaner. And then if you're a tumbler, you're a little bit shorter and thicker. But now, it's been proven that you can kind of have both body types and do all of it. So, it's doesn't really make a difference anymore."

"They're very flexible."

"No, not all gymnast are flexible," said Biles. "Me and Aly Raisman, we're actually not that flexible for gymnasts because our muscles kind of overlap that. But, we're flexible enough to do what we have to do."

Watch the full video on Glamour's YouTube channel.

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Viral post thoughtfully reexamines Kerri Strug's iconic broken ankle vault at 1996 Olympics

"Yesterday I was excited to show my daughters Kerri Strug's famous one-leg vault...But for some reason I wasn't as inspired watching it this time. In fact, I felt a little sick."

Byron Heath/Facebook

Simone Biles withdrawing from the team final in the Tokyo Olympics and subsequently withdrawing from the individual all-around finals after getting a case of the "twisties" has the world talking. She's received overwhelming support as well as overwhelming criticism for the move, with some praising her for recognizing her limits and others blasting her for not persevering through whatever she's dealing with.

Some people pointed to Kerri Strug, who landed on one foot after vaulting with a broken ankle in the 1996 Olympics to help the U.S. win gold, as an example of the kind of sacrifice an athlete should be willing to make for their country.

Byron Heath shared some thoughts about that fateful day in a viral Facebook post that has been shared more than 370,000 times in less than a day.

Heath wrote:

"This realization I had about Simone Biles is gonna make some people mad, but oh well.

Yesterday I was excited to show my daughters Kerri Strug's famous one-leg vault. It was a defining Olympic moment that I watched live as a kid, and my girls watched raptly as Strug fell, and then limped back to leap again.

But for some reason I wasn't as inspired watching it this time. In fact, I felt a little sick. Maybe being a father and teacher has made me soft, but all I could see was how Kerri Strug looked at her coach, Bela Karolyi, with pleading, terrified eyes, while he shouted back 'You can do it!' over and over again.

My daughters didn't cheer when Strug landed her second vault. Instead they frowned in concern as she collapsed in agony and frantic tears.

'Why did she jump again if she was hurt?' one of my girls asked. I made some inane reply about the heart of a champion or Olympic spirit, but in the back of my mind a thought was festering: *She shouldn't have jumped again*

The more the thought echoed, the stronger my realization became. Coach Karolyi should have gotten his visibly injured athlete medical help immediately! Now that I have two young daughters in gymnastics, I expect their safety to be the coach's number one priority. Instead, Bela Karolyi told Strug to vault again. And he got what he wanted; a gold medal that was more important to him than his athlete's health. I'm sure people will say 'Kerri Strug was a competitor--she WANTED to push through the injury.' That's probably true. But since the last Olympics we've also learned these athletes were put into positions where they could be systematically abused both emotionally and physically, all while being inundated with 'win at all costs' messaging. A teenager under those conditions should have been protected, and told 'No medal is worth the risk of permanent injury.' In fact, we now know that Strug's vault wasn't even necessary to clinch the gold; the U.S. already had an insurmountable lead.

Nevertheless, Bela Karolyi told her to vault again according to his own recounting of their conversation:

'I can't feel my leg,' Strug told Karolyi.

'We got to go one more time,' Karolyi said. 'Shake it out.'

'Do I have to do this again?' Strug asked. 'Can you, can you?' Karolyi wanted to know.

'I don't know yet,' said Strug. 'I will do it. I will, I will.'

The injury forced Strug's retirement at 18 years old. Dominique Moceanu, a generational talent, also retired from injuries shortly after. They were top gymnasts literally pushed to the breaking point, and then put out to pasture. Coach Karolyi and Larry Nassar (the serial sexual abuser) continued their long careers, while the athletes were treated as a disposable resource.

Today Simone Biles--the greatest gymnast of all time--chose to step back from the competition, citing concerns for mental and physical health. I've already seen comments and posts about how Biles 'failed her country', 'quit on us', or 'can't be the greatest if she can't handle the pressure.' Those statements are no different than Coach Karolyi telling an injured teen with wide, frightened eyes: 'We got to go one more time. Shake it out.'

The subtext here is: 'Our gold medal is more important than your well-being.'

Our athletes shouldn't have to destroy themselves to meet our standards. If giving empathetic, authentic support to our Olympians means we'll earn less gold medals, I'm happy to make that trade.

Here's the message I hope we can send to Simone Biles: You are an outstanding athlete, a true role model, and a powerful woman. Nothing will change that. Please don't sacrifice your emotional or physical well-being for our entertainment or national pride. We are proud of you for being brave enough to compete, and proud of you for having the wisdom to know when to step back. Your choice makes you an even better example to our daughters than you were before. WE'RE STILL ROOTING FOR YOU!"

Many people shared Heath's sentiment, with comments pouring in thanking him for putting words to what they were feeling.

We're in a new era where our lens of what's admirable, what's strong, and what's right has shifted. We understand more about the lifelong impact of too many concussions. We have trainers and medics checking on football players after big hits. We are finding a better balance between competitiveness and well-being. We are acknowledging the importance of mental health and physical health.

We are also more aware of how both physical and mental trauma impacts young bodies. Though Kerri Strug pushing through the pain has long been seen as an iconic moment in sports, the adults in the room should have been protecting her, not pushing her through an obvious injury.

And the way this fall of Dominique Moceanu at age 14 was handled is downright shocking by today's standards. She said she never received an exam for it, even after the competition was over. So wrong.

\u201cIn our sport, we essentially dive into a pool w/ no water. When you lose your ability to find the ground\u2014which appears to be part of @Simone_Biles decision\u2014-the consequences can be catastrophic. She made the right decision for the team & herself. @bisping\u201d
— Dominique Moceanu (@Dominique Moceanu) 1627483863

\u201c@Carolinafan0279 @Simone_Biles Nope \ud83d\udc4e\ud83c\udffb\u201d
— Dominique Moceanu (@Dominique Moceanu) 1627483863

Athletes are not cogs in a wheel, and the desire to win a competition should not trump someone's well-being. Elite gymnasts already put themselves through grueling physical and mental feats; they wouldn't be at the top of their sport if they didn't. But there are limits, and too often in our yearning for a gold medal—or even for a triumphant Olympic story—we push athletes too far.

Now we see some of them pushing back, and knowing what we know now, that's 100% a good thing.

This article originally appeared on 07.28.21

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Belgian Olympic marathoner breaks down in tears of disbelief upon hearing she finished 28th

38-year-old Mieke Gorissen had only been training for three years and the Olympics was just her third marathon.

Entertainer Guru/YouTube

Imagine deciding to take up a hobby that usually requires many years to perfect at age 35, and three years later ending up in the top 30 in the world at the highest international competition for it.

That's what happened to a 38-year-old math and physics teacher from Diepenbeek, Belgium. According to Netherlands News Live, Mieke Gorissen has jogged 10km (a little over six miles) a few times a week for exercise for many years. But in 2018, she decided to hire a running trainer to improve her technique. As it turned out, she was a bit of a natural at distance running.

Three years later, Gorissen found herself running her third marathon. But not just any old marathon (as if there were such a thing)—the marathon at the Tokyo Olympics. And not only did she compete with the world's most elite group of runners, she came in 28th out of the 88 competing in the race.

With the heat and humidity in Tokyo, even completing the race was a major accomplishment. (Fifteen women competing did not finish the marathon.) But to come in in the top 30 when you just started focusing on distance running three years ago? Unbelievable.

In fact, Gorissen could hardly believe it herself. A video of her reaction upon hearing her results has gone viral for its purity and genuine humility. "No," she said when a reporter told her she came in 28th in the race. "That's not possible."

Then she burst into tears.

Her emotional disbelief is so moving. "I was already happy to finish the race," she said through sobs. "I do think I have reached my goal and that I can be happy."

"I also think I lost a toenail," she added, laughing.

Even after the English translation ends in the video, it's clear how much this finish meant to her. A remarkable accomplishment for a 38-year-old who knits and reads for fun and who has only run two marathons prior to competing in the Olympics.

See on Instagram

According to her Olympic profile, she's glad she got started with distance running later in life. "If I started running in my teens, it wouldn't have been good for me," she said. "I wasn't really happy then, I would have been too hard on myself and I would have lost myself in it in a way that wasn't healthy. It came at exactly the right time."

Congratulations, Mieke. You've given us all the inspiration to set new goals and dream bigger than we ever thought possible.

This article originally appeared on 08.12.21

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Family

A photographer mom shoots portraits of girls in sparkly dresses and sports equipment because YES

It's already been shared 175,000 times. ❤️❤️❤️

HMP Couture Imagery

Some of the HMP Couture sports models

This one's for the girls who know you don't have to chose between sparkles and sports.

For too long, girls have been sent the message that they have to be either/or. You're either a girly-girl or a tomboy. You're either into sparkly princesses or sports practices. From the early days of childhood, we're told in bold and subtle ways to squeeze ourselves into separate boxes.

But those boxes are bullspit, and most of us know it. Girls don't have to choose between feeling beautiful and being badass. We can be both at the same time.

Perhaps that's why a portrait shoot shared by HMP Couture Imagery showing girls dressed up in fancy dresses andsports equipment has gone insanely viral. The shoot is called "Because you can do it all," and in just a few days it has already been shared 175,000+ times.

The woman who photographed the shoot says a comment from a fellow mom sparked the idea.

Heather Mitchell, the photographer from Alabama who runs HMP Couture Imagery, told Upworthy how the portrait shoot came about.

"My youngest daughter is 8 and she is trying softball this year for the first time," said Mitchell. "We were at practice a few weeks ago and I was talking with the other moms. I was saying that I hoped Paislee learned to love the game because she was athletic. One of the moms told me that she was not athletic, that she was a girly-girl."

"I couldn't sleep that night," Mitchell continued. "All I could think was, 'Why does she have to choose?' I played every sport my school offered and wore lipstick to every game. So the next day we went to the studio and created her shot."

Mitchell says she only spent about three minutes shooting because she knew exactly what she wanted to create. After she posted the photos of Paislee to her personal Facebook page, she got a ton of requests from other parents for the same kind of shoot. After adding two days to the schedule, they sold out in an hour—and the requests just keep on coming.

Mitchell hopes that girls see these photos and realize that they don't have to choose one identity.

The idea that crinoline and cleats can't exist in the same mental space is silly, but common. Girls (and boys for that matter) can love pretty things and kick butt at sports. They don't have to be one thing or the other.

"My parent taught me that I could be anything I wanted growing up," Mitchell told Upworthy. "I didn't realize till I was much older that everyone is not that blessed."

These photos are an excellent reminder to questions our assumptions and not place unnecessary limits on anyone—and an empowering example for girls who don't fit neatly into a socially constructed box.

"I hope that every little girl that sees this series can see that there is no box," says Mitchell. "Whatever their dreams are they can achieve."

This article originally appeared on 4.17.19

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