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Identity

Man exposes the absurdity of sexist marketing by creating shirts that label men like we do women

This guy exposes the absurdity of sexist marketing by creating shirts that label men like we do women.

Recently, Upworthy shared a tweet thread by author A.R. Moxon who created a brilliant metaphor to help men understand the constant anxiety that potential sexual abuse causes women.

He did so by equating sexual assault to something that men have a deep-seeded fear of: being kicked in the testicles.

Hi, guys. Imagine if one day you got kicked in the nuts, really hard, on purpose.

You doubled over. Felt the pain. Nearly passed out. Nearly puked.

Then you got kicked again. And again.
— A.R. Moxon (Julius Goat) (@JuliusGoat) October 6, 2018

Imagine that later your father explained that women just wanted to kick men in the nuts, so as a boy you had to be careful.

Imagine he had very detailed practical advice on this.

Imagine you started spending your life planning on avoiding being kicked in the nuts.
— A.R. Moxon (Julius Goat) (@JuliusGoat) October 6, 2018

Imagine there were laws that said that if a wife kicked her husband in the nuts it wasn't assault.

Imagine you heard about men with ruptured testicles who had to pay for their own forensic reports

Imagine you saw statistics showing only 1% of kickings resulted in conviction.
— A.R. Moxon (Julius Goat) (@JuliusGoat) October 6, 2018

An anonymous man in England who goes by the Twitter handle @manwhohasitall has found a brilliantly simple way of illustrating how we condescend to women by speaking to men the same way.

My friend is a history teacher. She's compiling a list of great historical figures and she needs a male to add to the list. Suggestions?
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) September 1, 2017

To all smart men. Don't act dumb around women! It's OKAY to be a man and be smart. Some women actually find it attractive
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 22, 2019

ALL MEN! Kickstart the summer with a super-healthy salad, barely-there legs, invisible pores, a transculent face, a tiny voice and the waist of a wasp* (* a very thin wasp).
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 22, 2019

TODAY'S FACT: Some boys pretend to be into STEM, some boys believe in unicorns. My empowering new range celebrates 5 additional types of men. https://t.co/IW6nhn8iwA pic.twitter.com/HioRkr4JHP
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 20, 2019

TODAY'S DEBATE: How can men dress for summer in a way which is neither too conservative nor too revealing? Is it even possible?
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 20, 2019

My friend is chairing a 3-day computer science conference next week. There are two men on the registration desk and one of the 63 speakers is male. Is this enough, or should she look for another male speaker?
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 20, 2019

"I'm very uncomfortable interacting with men at work in case I accidentally comment on their hair, face or weight. It's a nightmare, you have to be so careful. Increasingly I think the only solution is to stop employing them." Claire, CEO
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 18, 2019

Why do men have to make everything about gender?https://t.co/lKS2E6vvFX pic.twitter.com/ts1nqlJvxG
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 17, 2019

Callum, age 22, sales, "I manage to feel great at the same time as answering the phones by using a gentle testicle mist."
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 16, 2019

"I'm not hung up on the term 'everywoman' because I know it refers to both women and men." Tim, age 44, very much an everywoman himself.
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 14, 2019

ManWhoHasItAll also highlights society's ridiculous need to label the women who participate in male-dominated fields. We can't just say that Amy Schumer is a comedian. She has to be known as a "funny female" or a "female comic." No one ever feels the need to point out the fact that Chris Rock is male.

When we qualify women for their professions, whether in science and technology or entertainment, it diminishes their involvement and makes them appear instead to be a token of someone who has earned their position.

Comedian Jen Kirkman has a perfect response to the question: What's it like to be a female comedian?

"This question is the hardest part – it's yet again another opportunity for guys to say that I'm complaining or to retread the same old stories. There is sexism in the world so of course it bleeds into every single area of life. I don't answer this particular question anymore," she said.

"Getting put on pink flyers. Being asked to do shows that are marketed in such groundbreaking ways as 'Chicks Are Funny Too,' 'Broads, Beer, and Belly Laughs.' Being introduced as 'a lovely lady,'" she continued.

ManWhoHasItAll has found a brilliant way to spread his message by creating a collection of T-shirts that condescend to men by labeling them "Male Scientist," "Male Lawyer," and "Male Programmer."

These shirts highlight the idea that we can be more inclusive by accepting women in these positions without the need to use a gender qualifier.

Here are some of the shirts you can find at ManWhoHasItAll's website.

via ManWhoHasItAll

This article originally appeared on 7.22.19

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Body Image

People who are 'good at flirting' are sharing the clues that tell if someone likes you

Here are 15 great tips.

via Pexels

Are they flirting with me or just being nice?

Most of the time it’s tough to know if someone is flirting with you because they have to be subtle. They can’t be too obvious because if the feeling isn’t mutual it can be pretty embarrassing. It’s also tough to detect if someone is flirting because most of the time it’s someone you don’t know very well.

Do they like me or are they normally friendly?

It hurts to imagine the number of times we’ve all missed signals that someone was interested in us and a potentially wonderful romance never happened. However, studies show that it happens more often than not.

A study on heterosexuals published in Psychology Today found that women were only 18% accurate in recognizing men’s flirting, while 36% of men were accurate about women's flirting. However, we’re really good at knowing when people aren’t flirting with us.

In the same study, women were 83% accurate in seeing nonflirting as nonflirting, and men performed about the same, 84%.

Jeffery Hall, an assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas in Lawrence, says there are five main styles of flirting: physical, traditional, polite, sincere and playful.

Physical flirting involves “communicating sexual interest” to a potential partner. Traditional flirting is a tactic primarily used by introverts, where men tend to take the lead and women assume a passive role. Polite flirting involves the use of “proper manners” and is a cautious way of showing you like someone.

Sincere flirting involves telling the person you’re interested, and playful flirts like joking around but their efforts rarely turn into substantial relationships.

A Reddit user, who has since deleted their profile, asked a great question on the AskReddit subforum that should be a big help to those who have a hard time spotting flirtation. They asked, "People who are good at flirting, what are some social cues us oblivious people should watch out for?"

A large number of people who responded to the thread gave practical advice on the behaviors that are a giveaway that someone is flirting. The most popular responses are eye contact and laughing at your jokes, even if they aren’t funny.

Here are 15 of our favorite social cues that show someone is interested.

1. The dance of plausible deniability.

"Everyone is giving good advice, but flirting didn't click for me until i heard it described not as a set of behaviors to look out for, but as an escalation of suggestive behaviors couched in plausible deniability.

"Put practically, if someone is doing something to engage you that feels extra (lots of touching, looking at you in a way that feels a bit to long, or doing a lot of poking fun and complimenting you), then that might be flirting or it might not. That's the whole point. Plausible deniability. They can safely disengage at any time.

"If you want to know if someone's flirting, you need to test it. You do that by escalating things, but just a bit, so that now you have plausible deniability (touch them back in a comfortable way, maintain eye contact, or joke-compliment them back). If they escalate back and continue to do so as you escalate in turn, that is flirting. Eventually one of you will break cover and do something with clear intent (a kiss, an approach + ask for a number, or straight up telling them what you think of them and that you're interested). Otherwise, if you escalate and they don't change their behavior or they back off, then they were probably just being friendly and you should take the hint and do the same.

"Dunno if that's something obvious to people, but it was definitely not for me, and college parties would have been way less fun had i not known. Hopefully this can help someone else too :)" – three_furballs

2. Give 'em a chance to be alone.

"If you're in a group of friends (new or old), find a natural opportunity to hang back. Someone who's interested in you will notice and take the opportunity to talk to you in private. Now this isn't full proof but it'll at least give you the opportunity to feel for any chemistry between you." – Kagamid

3. Conversation should be two-sided.

"Be wary of a one-sided conversation. If your responses are met with mostly "yeps" and "uh huh" and nothing without meat, its probably not going well." – ViciousKnids

4. Ignoring their friend.

"If they look directly at you while talking to their friend it's a good sign." – yassis_bru

5. The reaction shot.

"I read once that if someone looks at you after someone (doesn't have to be you) said something funny and everyone is laughing, they like you. From personal experience, it's true." – luv_sicK

6. Lots of eye contact.

"They make a lot of eye contact. They are interested in what you have to say and ask you lots of questions. They laugh at your jokes, even the lame ones. They initiate physical contact. They try to find space where you can talk more privately (this does not always mean sex but it often means they wish for more quality time with you)." – TheSurfingRaichu

7. Trust then test.

"In my experience, almost everyone can get a sense that someone is into them, but most people second guess themselves until they convince themselves it's nothing. I say trust that sense. It's based off all of these factors that we pick up consciously and subconsciously, and almost always it's not a coincidence.

"When you think someone likes you, you can test that theory in a few ways. A subtle but effective example is inviting them to something you know they can't or don't want to attend. If they express interest in rescheduling or finding some other way to spend time with you, they like you. Otherwise they'll just say no, sorry I can't make it ... Of course, you could also just ask. In my experience anyone worth getting intimate with is mature enough to deal with that question." – MildlyWyld

8. Mirroring.

"Does their body turn toward you or away from you when you talk? Do they mirror your body language?" – Perfect_Draw516

9. They touch you.

"Physical contact. Granted, not everyone flirts the same way but a good sign is if they touch your arm (or the like) or you find them smiling the whole time that you’re talking to them." – Cosmic_Marman

10. Special eye contact.

"When you're in a public space, the direct eye contact (for a beat or two too long) and the look away. One of my go-to moves that always yielded results." – LuLu42

11. Bad jokes.

"Seriously tell a bad joke - look for laughter and smiles that should not be there but are. Then it’s you they are into, definitely not what you said." – YukonBrawler

12. Facial gestures.

"According to Sherlock: licking lips, eyes cast down towards the other persons lips, quirky smile of the lips, dilated eyes. And if the person has long hair, tucking it behind their ear or other fidgety behavior." – fandomfangirl1

13. Mimicking body language.

"In the case of someone who likes you, while interacting, watch for repetitious patterns and mimic their body language. Eventually, if you cross your arms and the person whose attention you are seeking does the same, for example, you can rely on that being a good sign." – flungkle

14. Little adjustment.

"I've noticed that women will do a little adjustment to you, like brushing off a little piece of lint off your lapel or moving a stray hair off your face while talking to you. At least they did back in my rogue days." – robfrankel1

15. Take your shot.

"If you're at a bar and a woman makes eye contact for more than a second without looking away, shoot your shot." – sle7in360

This article originally appeared on 2.11.22

From Your Site Articles

relationships

Identity

An artist replaced the men in these classic Westerns with women. The images are awesome.

She turned the "sexy cowgirl" trope on its head.

Felice House

When Felice House moved to Texas from Massachusetts, she quickly fell in love with "Western" culture.

Felice House stands in a hallway art gallery Timothy Douglas

House, a painter and artist, moved to Austin to study for her master's degree before becoming an assistant professor of painting at Texas A&M University.

At first, the culture shock was fun. House says she quickly became infatuated with the Western genre: the outfits, the cowboy boots, the music.

"But when I actually got around to watching Western movies," she adds, "I was horrified by the roles for ... anybody except white men basically."

The stoic renegades played by John Wayne, James Dean, and Clint Eastwood stood in stark contrast to the helpless damsels they shared the screen with. The empowered and the powerless.

House had spent much of her career painting women in ways that clashed with media representations, so she decided to tackle the male-dominated Western genre.

She put out a call for models and was quickly overwhelmed with women who wanted to participate.

Woman in cowboy gear with red bandana Felice House

House says many of the models already knew which iconic cowboy they wanted to portray.

Woman in cowboy gear with pink shirt and red bandana Felice House

Virginia Schmidt became "Virginia Eastwood."

Woman in old fashioned Western scene Felice House

Then there was "Liakesha Dean."

Woman in cowboy hat and red bandana Felice House

And "Rebekah Wayne."

Woman in cowboy hat with eye patch and yellow bandana Felice House

House first photographed the models in Western getups, then painted from the images she captured.

Woman in cowboy hat riding a horse and reaching for holster Felice House

She also says practicing the facial expressions and body language was the hardest part for the models.

Woman lounging cowboy gear and red boots Felice House

"Women are kind of trained to make coy, approachable facial expressions," she says.

Woman in cowboy hat pointing pistol Felice House

Turning these women into iconic and powerful heroes meant stripping away any remnants of the "sexy cowgirl" trope.

Two women in cowboy hats and Western gear holding a rifle Felice House

The paintings themselves are larger than life. Roughly 1.25 times larger, to be specific.

Woman in cowboy hat and Sheriff star holding a pistol Felice House

"When you see them in person, people are surprised by the scale." People aren't used to women towering over them, House says.

Woman in old fashioned Western clothing with rifle Felice House

And that's exactly the point. House wanted to start a conversation about who is assigned power and how we view it.

Woman sitting in cowboy boots holding two pistols Felice House

In that sense, the timing couldn't have been better. "Issues with gender and power in the U.S. are kind of in the forefront of people's minds, " she says.

Woman in old fashioned Western scene in cowboy gear Felice House

In the very beginning of the project, House says she simply digitally clipped one of the models heads and put it on John Wayne's body.

"It looked ridiculous," she says with a laugh. "But then I thought, what if I could find a way to give this same sense of power [that iconic male heroes have] to women?"

With a brush and a few massive canvases, she managed to do just that, and she hopes it'll make a few people think differently about how we define who can be a hero.

In the meantime, and despite her criticisms of the films of yesteryear, House says pop culture is getting better at representing women. Projects like this one definitely help.

After all, it was John Wayne himself who once said, "Tomorrow hopes we have learned something from yesterday."

This article originally appeared on 3.17.17

From Your Site Articles

art

Identity

5 years' worth of photos show how testosterone affected one person's life.

A journey as a trans person in photographs.

Photo from YouTube video.

Photo of Skylar.

Even though he was born "Katherine Elizabeth," Skylar lived like a regular little boy for most of his childhood.

He was happy.

This is Skylar.

A photo collection of a young Skylar.

Photo from YouTube video.

Little Skylar.

Photo from YouTube video.

But when puberty hit, he started feeling intense pressure to be "normal" and fit in. So he tried to present as more traditionally "feminine."

Puberty happens.

Photo from YouTube video.

But he couldn't shake the feeling that he was denying a huge part of himself. Late in high school, he started taking testosterone.

Eating and feeling more comfortable.

Photo from YouTube video.

Skylar started feeling more comfortable immediately. And before he knew it, he was at his "dream school," having the time of his life. And taking lots and lots of pictures of himself.

A person and their dog.

Photo from YouTube video.

Access to medical care played a big part in Skylar becoming the person he is today, but that wasn't all.

Check out his story and walk five years in his shoes. It's definitely a perspective we don't see often enough:

This article originally appeared on 08.30.14

From Your Site Articles

Identity

Man shares two lessons he learned from disrupting a racist joke in a group of white people

"Can you speak up? Because our silence is not benign?"

Paul Scanlon/Facebook

Racist jokes are one of the more frustrating manifestations of racism. Jokes in general are meant to be a shared experience, a connection over a mutual sense of humor, a rush of feel-good chemicals that bond us to those around us through laughter.

So when you mix jokes with racism, the result is that racism becomes something light and fun, as opposed to the horrendous bane that it really is.

The harm done with racist humor isn't just the emotional hurt they can cause. When a group of white people shares jokes at the expense of a marginalized or oppressed racial group, the power of white supremacy is actually reinforced—not only because of the "punching down" nature of such humor, but because of the group dynamics that work in favor of maintaining the status quo.

British author and motivational speaker Paul Scanlon shared a story about interrupting a racist joke at a table of white people at an event in the U.S, and the lessons he drew from it illustrate this idea beautifully. Watch:

Speaking up in a group setting where people have an unspoken sense of solidarity is difficult. Giving up social capital and being seen as a breaking a code of sorts is uncomfortable. But that that difficulty and discomfort are not excuses for staying quiet. As Scanlon points out, our silence is not benign, it's malignant. Keeping quiet while a racist joke is being told and laughed at is harmful because it allows racism to go unchecked and white supremacy to remain secure.

An important point Scanlon makes is that not only do white folks allow harm to take place when we remain silent in the face of a friend, family member, colleague, or acquaintance making a racist joke, but we are actually rewarded for saying nothing. We maintain a sense of solidarity, we gain social capital, we're seeing as agreeable and establish a sense of belonging. Those rewards are an insidious form of racism that many white people aren't even aware we participate in. And we have to decide ahead of time that we're going to give up that reward and embrace the inevitable awkwardness in order to do the right thing.

We have to decide that ending racism is more important than embarrassment. The more people who stand firm in that decision, the less awkward it will become and the sooner we can redefine what social capital and solidarity really mean.

This article originally appeared on 6.30.20

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black lives matter

Identity

Woman posts dramatic before-and-after pics of one pound loss to prove that weight is meaningless

It's almost as if the numbers on the scale don't mean anything at all.

Adrienne Osuna is a fitness blogger with a focus on weight training. After years of struggling with her weight, this mother of four finally got serious about her health, adopting a rigorous schedule of power lifting, cardio, and intermittent fasting to lose weight, gain muscle, and kick ass.

And while her personal regimen might be a little too ambitious for most of us, she's still inspiring—because she keeps it real.

An image she posted on her blog is going viral for pointing out that focusing on your weight is a misleading goal. The before-and-after pic shows her before she started lifting and after—a complete physical transformation which resulted in a staggering one pound of weight loss.

I know what you're thinking—that's two pounds! Well, I can explain.

After Osuna's pic was copied from her blog, it blew up all over the internet—on Facebook, Twitter, Imgur, and more.

Youtube Mix GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphy

After she went viral she made another Instagram post revealing she was actually a pound heavier in the after photo. Unfortunately, that post has since been made private.

She would later explain that she felt it was important to reclaim her image because it had been used in advertisements for weight loss products, and that's not what she's about.

"But I DID NOT use anyone's products to do this," she wrote in a post which since been made private. "This was all hard work in the gym lifting heavy weights and intermittent fasting.

Kudos to Ms. Osuna for getting the word out—fitness isn't about a number, it's about having awesome muscles you could use to punch a hole through a plaster wall.

This article was originally published on 12.22.22 by our partners at someecards and was written by Matt Nedostup.

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weight loss

Identity

My wife surprised her coworkers when she came out as trans. Then they surprised her.

She was ready for one reaction but was greeted with a beautiful response.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

Zoe comes out to her coworkers.

Society, pay attention. This is important.

My wife, Zoe, is transgender. She came out to us — the kids and me — last summer and then slowly spread her beautiful feminine wings with extended family, friends, and neighbors.

A little coming out here, a little coming out there — you know how it is.

It's been a slow, often challenging process of telling people something so personal and scary, but pretty much everyone has been amazing.

However, she dreaded coming out at the office.

She works at a large technology company, managing a team of software developers in a predominantly male office environment. She's known many of her co-workers and employees for 15 or so years. They have called her "he" and "him" and "Mr." for a very long time. How would they handle the change?

While we have laws in place in Ontario, Canada, to protect the rights of transgender employees, it does not shield them from awkwardness, quiet judgment, or loss of workplace friendships. Your workplace may not become outright hostile, but it can sometimes become a difficult place to go to every day because people only tolerate you rather than fully accept you.

But this transition needed to happen, and so Zoe carefully crafted a coming out email and sent it to everyone she works with.

The support was immediately apparent; she received about 75 incredibly kind responses from coworkers, both local and international.

She then took one week off, followed by a week where she worked solely from home. It was only last Monday when she finally went back to the office.

First day back at work! I asked if I could take a "first day of school" type picture with her lunchbox. She said no. Spoilsport.

Despite knowing how nice her colleagues are and having read so many positive responses to her email, she was understandably still nervous.

Hell, I was nervous. I made her promise to text me 80 billion times with updates and was more than prepared to go down there with my advocacy pants on if I needed to (I might be a tad overprotective).

And that's when her office pals decided to show the rest of us how to do it right.

She got in and found that a couple of them had decorated her cubicle to surprise her:

Her cubicle decorated with butterflies.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

Butterflies! Streamers! Rainbows! OMG!

And made sure her new name was prominently displayed in a few locations:

Zoe written on the board.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

They got her a beautiful lily with a "Welcome, Zoe!" card:

Welcome lily and card

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

And this tearjerker quote was waiting for her on her desk:

A quote from Oscar Wilde.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

To top it all off, a 10 a.m. "meeting" she was scheduled to attend was actually a coming out party to welcome her back to work as her true self — complete with coffee and cupcakes and handshakes and hugs.

Coming out party with cupcakes.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

(I stole one, and it was delicious.)

NO, I'M NOT CRYING. YOU'RE CRYING.

I did go to my wife's office that day. But instead of having my advocacy pants on, I had my hugging arms ready and some mascara in my purse in case I cried it off while thanking everyone.

I wish we lived in a world where it was no big deal to come out.

Sadly, that is not the case for many LGBTQ people. We live in a world of bathroom bills and "religious freedom" laws that directly target the members of our community. We live in a world where my family gets threats for daring to speak out for trans rights. We live in a world where we can't travel to certain locations for fear of discrimination — or worse.

So when I see good stuff happening — especially when it takes place right on our doorstep — I'm going to share it far and wide. Let's normalize this stuff. Let's make celebrating diversity our everyday thing rather than hating or fearing it.

Chill out, haters. Take a load off with us.

It's a lot of energy to judge people, you know. It's way more fun to celebrate and support them for who they are.

Besides, we have cupcakes.

This article originally appeared on 04.08.16.

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