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Man shares a simple example of how to 'perfectly' handle his stuttering

His brief interchange answered common questions about what to do—and not do—if a person stutters.

Photo credit: Canva

Learning some basic stuttering etiquette can make everyone feel more comfortable.

For some people, talking comes easily and words and conversation flow freely. For others, an obstacle can impede that flow, whether it's something that manifests psychologically, like social anxiety, or something that manifests physically, like a stutter.

People who find it super easy to talk might not know how to handle talking with those who don't, and some people's reactions can make a person who struggles feel even more uncomfortable than they already do. Most people don't want to make others feel bad, so learning about an unfamiliar perspective, such as what a person with a stutter might experience, can be helpful in avoiding unintentional discomfort or offense.

Travis, a speech-language pathologist who helps educate the public about stuttering, shared a video example of someone handling his stuttering "perfectly." The video shows Travis in his car at a drive-up window getting his food from a fast food worker and stuttering as he asks for some barbecue sauce.

Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

There are a few things the employee does right here. First, as Travis points out, the guy maintained eye contact with him through the stutter. Second, he didn't try to finish Travis's sentence or guess at what he wanted to say. Third, he waited patiently until he got it all out. And finally, he responded to Travis the way he would respond to anyone asking for barbecue sauce, as if everything was normal. Because it was. For a person with a stutter, this is how normal conversation goes.

As people in the comments pointed out, these are often the biggest questions people have about stuttering. Should I keep looking at the person while the stutter is happening? Is that more or less comfortable for them? If they're stuttering and I think I know what they want to say, should I go ahead and say it or wait until they get the words out? These are honest questions that people with no experience with stuttering might wonder about but don't feel comfortable asking directly.

stuttering, stutter, eye contact, conversation, connectionDon't avoid eye contact with a person who stutters. Photo credit: Canva

Commenters were thrilled to get guidance from someone with experience:

"I always thought maintaining eye contact would make someone feel more vulnerable. But I see it makes people feel seen, listened too and normal."

"Acting normal is so key. Ignore the stutter. Let them speak! Sometimes trying to help by filling in words is more hurtful than anything. My brother and dad have a stutter so I understood how to help. I later ended up managing an employee with a severe stutter that was never ending at first. He stopped stuttering when he realized I never once flinched, blinked too hard or did anything to suggest I was trying to help him along, and he felt secure that he had my full attention. Imagine if you're talking to your friend like normal, you let them speak and take their time. It is no different for stutters in my experience. Hopefully that helps people that encounter this. People can really be so intentionally horrible or unintentionally harmful when they're trying to help. Bless you!"

"This is good information to know. I'm always mortified when I think I'm being helpful but later learn that I wasn't."

"I’m so glad I saw this. I have a regular customer that comes into my place of work who has a stutter. I always feel bad because I don’t know if maintaining eye contact makes him stutter worse, or helps him. But I do exactly this. Maintain eye contact, wait for him quietly to finish, and carry about just like any customer."

"I love that you're saying what is the right thing to do. It's very important information. A lot of us have very good intentions and care about others, but we may not know how to tactfully handle some situations. Thank you for educating us!"

Other people who have experience with stuttering also weighed in to share their thanks.

"This healed a huge part of my preteen self. I used to always talk like this. No matter what. Thank you for being vulnerable like this and showing so many people. I saw this today, and I got humbled again. It put me right back there. I need to remember and honor that version of me more often. Thank you."

"I really appreciate when people wait for me to get my words out instead of finishing my sentence for me or trying to guess what i want to say. good for you dude!"

"Thanks a lot for showing your stutter and educating people! As a person who stutters myself, I find that most of the times what keeps people from truly connecting with me while I talk is the embarrassment of not knowing how to behave. That’s why I LOVE when they accept their embarrassment and ask me what would be best to do. Be genuine, no worries!"

conversation, stuttering, stutter, how to talk to a person with a stutter, stuttering etiquetteStuttering etiquette is actually quite simple.Photo credit: Canva

"I’ve had a stutter my entire life. I completely understand EVERYTHING you said. God, it feels so good to be seen. Love the videos man, good luck."

What exactly causes stuttering is a bit of a mystery. There are different kinds of stuttering, including developmental stuttering that begins in childhood and stuttering from other causes, such as a neurological event like a stroke or some sort of emotional or psychological trauma. Family history and genetics can play a role, as stuttering appears to run in families, and structural differences in the brain may contribute to a stutter as well.

Whatever the cause, stuttering affects around 1 in 100 adults, so chances are we'll all meet people who live with it. The more we learn from those folks, the more kind, compassionate, and inclusive we can all be.

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Identity

A woman with a disability gets real about dating and sex. She's funny and honest.

Her candor is delightful, her message is important, and her jokes are great

Photo courtesy of Danielle Sheypuk.

Most people are missing out on a huge portion of the dating pool.


"So just recently I went out on a Match.com date, and it was fantastic," begins Dr. Danielle Sheypuk in her TEDx Talk.

If you've ever been on Match.com, that opening line might make you do a double take. How does one get so lucky?

Before you get too jealous, you should know things quickly went downhill two dates later, as most Match.com dates ultimately do. This time, however, the reason may not be something that you've ever experienced.

Intrigued? I was too. Here's the story.

a photo of Dr. Sheypuk smiling.

Gorgeous!

Photo from Dr. Sheypuk's Instagram account, used with permission.

She's a licensed clinical psychologist, an advocate, and a model — among other things. She's also been confined to a wheelchair since childhood. And that last fact is what did her recent date in.

Over a romantic Italian dinner on their third date, Sheypuk noticed that he was sitting farther away from her than usual. And then, out of nowhere, he began to ask the following questions:

"I've been thinking, how are you gonna be a mother? How are you gonna do the duties that's gonna be required of you? And even as wife — how ... I'm not sure how this is gonna work."

Used to this line of inquiry, she had the perfect quippy reply: "Well that's simple: I'm just gonna hire someone like every other New Yorker."

But despite her witty answer, he'd already made up his mind. She never heard from him again.

"I tried to convince myself that this was like any other relationship, but deep down I knew the reality. Who wants to date someone in a wheelchair?"

Dr. Sheypuk knows that that single question is evidence of a really serious problem—not just on the dating scene, but in society in general.

Society has factored out an entire group of potential romantic partners: people with disabilities.

a glamorous photo of Dr. Sheypuk in her wheelchair.

Talk about a million-dollar smile.

Photo courtesy of Danielle Sheypuk.

In her words:

"We are completely left out of the dating picture. Society, media included, seems to ignore the fact that we have the same emotional needs and desires as everyone else. Is this injustice born out of the concept of the poster child and his or her duty to induce pity to raise money?

Or maybe it's a conclusion drawn from mainstream porn where we have actors performing, like, gymnastic stunts with the stamina that none of us have of bucking broncos and jackrabbits.”

Um, yes. So much yes. She continues:

"The silent message: The more in shape your body, the better the sex. The unspoken conclusion: If you have a disability, you are too sick to have sex.

The silent message: The more in shape your body, the better the sex. The unspoken conclusion: If you have a disability, you are too sick to have sex.

"Now let's look at the continuum in our society where sexual is measured. On the one hand, we have humans that are the ultimate sex appeal object. So on that end, we have Victoria's Secret models, Playboy centerfolds, people like that.

On the complete opposite end, we have people with physical disabilities. And it seems like the more we deviate from this ultimate sex icon, the more desexualized we become, the more taboo the topic, and the more damaging the consequences.

Now, for most people there are quick fixes, right? We have Hair Club for Men, Botox, Spanx, butt implants. But for people with disabilities, there are no quick fixes. There is no magic pill."

And we are hit hard.”

It's important to note, too, that while someone may not be disabled now, it doesn't mean they will never experience or develop a disability. Due to injuries, illnesses, and chronic conditions, research shows that the chances of becoming disabled are startlingly on the rise.

Watch the rest of Dr. Sheypuk's talk to hear her important insights about what dating and relationships are like when a person has a disability—and how much of society is limiting itself.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

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Disability

From “Breaking Bad” to breaking barriers: RJ Mitte celebrates a theater redefining inclusion

The Prospector Theater has paid $26 million in wages to employees with disabilities—and sparked a movement.

Sarah Elizabeth Farrell

RJ Mitte at the Prospector's Gala, celebrating 10 years of changing the lives of those with disabilities.

RJ Mitte, best known for his portrayal of Walter White Jr. in Breaking Bad, has never shied away from using his platform to advocate for inclusion and opportunities for people with disabilities. Recently, he attended the Prospector Theater’s 10th anniversary gala in Ridgefield, Connecticut, where he celebrated the theater’s innovative approach to meaningful employment and shared how the arts can create transformative change.

The Prospector Theater celebrates 10 years of making a real difference. Sarah Elizabeth Farrell

The Prospector Theater, a nonprofit cinema, has a clear mission: to provide competitive and fulfilling jobs to people with disabilities. This "sparkly beacon of hope" stands as a testament to what’s possible when a community commits to inclusion. The theater was founded by Valerie Jensen, who drew inspiration from her sister, Hope, born with Down syndrome. Jensen’s determination to create opportunities for people with disabilities led to the transformation of a historic Ridgefield, Connecticut building into a state-of-the-art, inclusive workplace.

"Val really inspired me to continue to push forward and to continue my missions."

— RJ Mitte

A model for inclusion

In its first decade, the Prospector Theater has employed over 330 people, combining competitive wages with an empowering workplace culture. It’s not just a theater—it’s a symbol of what’s possible when businesses commit to inclusion.

Ryan Wenke, Valerie Jensen, and State Senator Julie Kushner pose for a photo.Sarah Elizabeth Farrell

“Everyone in this world deserves a job or a career that they feel passionate about, that they feel connected to, that they feel that they want to wake up and go to work in the morning,” Mitte said.

"When you enrich someone's life and you give that opportunity, it changes people—not just the individual that you're giving the job to, but everyone around that individual."

— RJ Mitte

He went on to note that while many jobs available to people with disabilities are isolated or low-visibility, the Prospector prioritizes customer-facing roles that showcase employees’ skills and talents.

"I think where the Prospector is today is 100 years past many organizations when it comes to this type of meaningful employment and business model."

— RJ Mitte

Representation in action

In the run-up to the gala, attendees celebrated the theater’s success with a screening of The Wizard of Oz, a film that resonates deeply with themes of courage, inclusion, and hope. The timing felt especially poignant, as it coincided with the release of Wicked, featuring Marissa Bode as Nessa Rose—the first authentically disabled actress to play the role and a major step for authentic casting in a major production.

Prospect Tom Gollogly and RJ Mitte pose for a photo together.Sarah Elizabeth Farrell

For Mitte, the connection between the Prospector Theater’s work and milestones like Bode’s casting couldn’t be clearer. “This is the kind of progress we’ve been working toward for years,” he said. “Representation matters—not just in the stories we tell, but in who gets to tell them.”


Mitte reflected on how far inclusion in entertainment has come and the work still left to do."Now that we've seen people with disabilities in film and television not just play characters but succeed in playing these characters... We do have a long way to go... We may mess up along the way... but that's part of finding and growing, especially in the entertainment business."

The ripple effect

For Mitte, the gala was also a reminder of how businesses like the Prospector Theater can create ripple effects in their communities.

“For me, seeing that outpour of support and community—and the Ridgefield community specifically—was really, really nice to see, " Mitte said. "It doesn't happen everywhere.”

Mitte pointed to broader research showing that companies employing people with disabilities often see improved morale, greater innovation, and even higher profitability. The Prospector Theater, with its thriving business model and growing popcorn line, exemplifies how inclusion is both socially and economically beneficial.

How others can help

For businesses inspired by the Prospector model, Mitte offered practical advice. “Start small,” he said. “You don't have to employ 150, 250 people, but employing one—getting that one—because it's going to make a difference in your business.”

Prospector Production member Gabe Kavookjian holds a camera as he looks over his shoulder.Sarah Elizabeth Farrell

He emphasized that inclusion is an investment, not just in employees but in the future of the business itself. He added that the talent pool among people with disabilities is enormous, and creating an inclusive workplace allows businesses to access new perspectives that can lead to transformation.

"The Prospector Theater is a sparkly beacon of hope for the millions of Americans who can work, want to work, yet struggle to find meaningful employment."

— Valerie Jensen

A legacy in the making

Through his own foundation and advocacy work, Mitte continues to push for greater inclusion in all areas of life. But the Prospector Theater holds a special place in his heart.

“I wish programs like the Prospector existed when I was growing up,” he said. “What they've built here is truly amazing.”

Want to support the Prospector Theater? Visit prospectortheater.org to learn more, or treat yourself to their signature popcorn at prospectorpopcorn.org. As Mitte suggested, even purchasing their signature popcorn can contribute to making a difference.

making a difference
Identity

Person who uses a wheelchair shares tips for being less weird around them

"It's wild to me how often people will just roll me out of their way. Please don't do this."

Image by Canva, Screenshot via @AdamHubrig/Twitter

A wheelchair user offered some helpful tips for how to interact with them in daily life.

One of the best things about social media—besides the hilarious cat videos—is how it gives us all an opportunity to learn from one another. The ability to share an experience or a piece of wisdom or advice and have it be carried far and wide can be incredibly useful, especially when it comes from someone whose voice may not be heard as often as it should.

A perfect example is a 2022 thread by Ada Hubrig (@AdamHubrig) on Twitter explaining how and how not to interact with a person in a wheelchair. Hubrig says using a wheelchair has been "life-changing in the best way" for them, but the way they are treated when they are using a wheelchair can be annoying, frustrating, hurtful or just downright weird.

Some people don't have regular interactions with people who use wheelchairs and may have questions about what's appropriate and what's not. Some people might make assumptions about people using wheelchairs or be completely oblivious to how their prejudices are impacting their behavior. Hubrig's thread not only clarified some common issues wheelchair users deal with, but also opened up the conversation for people to ask some of the less obvious questions.

Hubrig opened their thread by explaining that they actually love their wheelchair, as they can't stand or walk for more than 10 minutes without it. However, they loathe how people treat them when they're using it.

Then they shared some tips on how to do better:

"First, remember that wheelchair users are people," they wrote. "We are more similar to you than different, we're just sitting down while you're standing up. You're likely around other people who are sitting as you stand all the time. Don't make it weird."

"Second, remembering that we're people, respect our autonomy," they continued. "If we're speaking and you have a question for me, don't ask my partner who is standing. As an example, medical professionals will often ask my partner my symptoms when I am RIGHT THERE. Please notice us."

The third piece of advice was to never touch a person's wheelchair or other mobility or medical advice unless you have been given permission. Hubrig said that people will often just roll them out of the way.

Yeah, don't do that. You wouldn't pick up a standing person and move them out of the way (hopefully). Same concept.

Hubrig went on to explain that no one is entitled to anyone else's medical history or trauma. "I get that you may mean well, but asking 'what happened' can be more difficult for some people than you realize," they wrote. "It's a lot of emotional labor to answer."

On a related note, don't ask about people's genitals. Ever. Seriously.

A tip for parents: "Please don't let your kids crawl on me or my wheelchair. My wheelchair isn't a toy."

"I like kids mostly, I do," Hubrig wrote. "But even if we weren't in a pandemic, I don't want any stranger up in my personal space like that. Once a kid ripped my ostomy bag off me. No plz."

Also, don't make judgments about a person's need for the wheelchair. "Some wheelchair users, like myself, don't use the wheelchair full time," Hubrig wrote. "I can walk/stand about ten minutes at a time, and use a cane for short distances. If you see a wc user standing/using a cane/whatever, don't assume we're faking. We don't use a wc for fun."

Not being believed can be a major barrier to people with disabilities utilizing the tools they need to live as fully and functionally as possible. "I have talked to many people whose life would be better with a mobility device but they don't use one. Because of how we treat people who use mobility devices."

That is a tragedy.

Finally, Hubrig summed up the basics:

"1.) Wheelchair users/disabled people ARE people. Act as such.

2.) Mind your business."

Seems simple enough, but as we all know, humans have a remarkable ability to not follow simple instructions.

One of the common questions well-meaning people had was whether or not they should offer to help a person in a wheelchair if it appears they are struggling. On the one hand, you don't want to assume someone needs help just because they're in a wheelchair, but on the other, you don't want to leave them struggling if they do need help.

The consensus was that asking if someone needs help is almost always appropriate. Just don't assume they need help and jump in without asking (barring any obvious emergencies, of course).

Another question some had was whether it's appropriate to lean over or kneel down to talk to someone in a wheelchair. On the one hand, it might feel more respectful to put yourself on the same eye level as the person in the chair. On the other hand, you don't want to make them feel like you're infantilizing them. (This question was asked by a person who is hard of hearing, which adds another layer to the question as that's an accommodation that needs to be considered as well. But it was also asked by someone who simply wanted to know which wheelchair users preferred.)

Responses from wheelchair users varied a bit, but most agreed that standing was fine for brief exchanges, but pulling up a chair to talk to them at a similar height was appreciated for long conversations. It can be straining on the neck to look up at someone for long periods.

So much boils down to basic empathy and the Golden Rule. If you were using a wheelchair, what would feel rude or disrespectful or annoying? How would you want people to talk to or interact with you? The truth is any one of us may find ourselves with a disability that necessitates a mobility or medical device at some point in our lives, so the more we normalize accommodations and, you know, basic courtesy and compassion, the better off we'll all be.


This article originally appeared on 2.24.22

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