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Man shares a simple example of how to 'perfectly' handle his stuttering

His brief interchange answered common questions about what to do—and not do—if a person stutters.

Photo credit: Canva

Learning some basic stuttering etiquette can make everyone feel more comfortable.

For some people, talking comes easily and words and conversation flow freely. For others, an obstacle can impede that flow, whether it's something that manifests psychologically, like social anxiety, or something that manifests physically, like a stutter.

People who find it super easy to talk might not know how to handle talking with those who don't, and some people's reactions can make a person who struggles feel even more uncomfortable than they already do. Most people don't want to make others feel bad, so learning about an unfamiliar perspective, such as what a person with a stutter might experience, can be helpful in avoiding unintentional discomfort or offense.

Travis, a speech-language pathologist who helps educate the public about stuttering, shared a video example of someone handling his stuttering "perfectly." The video shows Travis in his car at a drive-up window getting his food from a fast food worker and stuttering as he asks for some barbecue sauce.

Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

There are a few things the employee does right here. First, as Travis points out, the guy maintained eye contact with him through the stutter. Second, he didn't try to finish Travis's sentence or guess at what he wanted to say. Third, he waited patiently until he got it all out. And finally, he responded to Travis the way he would respond to anyone asking for barbecue sauce, as if everything was normal. Because it was. For a person with a stutter, this is how normal conversation goes.

As people in the comments pointed out, these are often the biggest questions people have about stuttering. Should I keep looking at the person while the stutter is happening? Is that more or less comfortable for them? If they're stuttering and I think I know what they want to say, should I go ahead and say it or wait until they get the words out? These are honest questions that people with no experience with stuttering might wonder about but don't feel comfortable asking directly.

stuttering, stutter, eye contact, conversation, connectionDon't avoid eye contact with a person who stutters. Photo credit: Canva

Commenters were thrilled to get guidance from someone with experience:

"I always thought maintaining eye contact would make someone feel more vulnerable. But I see it makes people feel seen, listened too and normal."

"Acting normal is so key. Ignore the stutter. Let them speak! Sometimes trying to help by filling in words is more hurtful than anything. My brother and dad have a stutter so I understood how to help. I later ended up managing an employee with a severe stutter that was never ending at first. He stopped stuttering when he realized I never once flinched, blinked too hard or did anything to suggest I was trying to help him along, and he felt secure that he had my full attention. Imagine if you're talking to your friend like normal, you let them speak and take their time. It is no different for stutters in my experience. Hopefully that helps people that encounter this. People can really be so intentionally horrible or unintentionally harmful when they're trying to help. Bless you!"

"This is good information to know. I'm always mortified when I think I'm being helpful but later learn that I wasn't."

"I’m so glad I saw this. I have a regular customer that comes into my place of work who has a stutter. I always feel bad because I don’t know if maintaining eye contact makes him stutter worse, or helps him. But I do exactly this. Maintain eye contact, wait for him quietly to finish, and carry about just like any customer."

"I love that you're saying what is the right thing to do. It's very important information. A lot of us have very good intentions and care about others, but we may not know how to tactfully handle some situations. Thank you for educating us!"

Other people who have experience with stuttering also weighed in to share their thanks.

"This healed a huge part of my preteen self. I used to always talk like this. No matter what. Thank you for being vulnerable like this and showing so many people. I saw this today, and I got humbled again. It put me right back there. I need to remember and honor that version of me more often. Thank you."

"I really appreciate when people wait for me to get my words out instead of finishing my sentence for me or trying to guess what i want to say. good for you dude!"

"Thanks a lot for showing your stutter and educating people! As a person who stutters myself, I find that most of the times what keeps people from truly connecting with me while I talk is the embarrassment of not knowing how to behave. That’s why I LOVE when they accept their embarrassment and ask me what would be best to do. Be genuine, no worries!"

conversation, stuttering, stutter, how to talk to a person with a stutter, stuttering etiquetteStuttering etiquette is actually quite simple.Photo credit: Canva

"I’ve had a stutter my entire life. I completely understand EVERYTHING you said. God, it feels so good to be seen. Love the videos man, good luck."

What exactly causes stuttering is a bit of a mystery. There are different kinds of stuttering, including developmental stuttering that begins in childhood and stuttering from other causes, such as a neurological event like a stroke or some sort of emotional or psychological trauma. Family history and genetics can play a role, as stuttering appears to run in families, and structural differences in the brain may contribute to a stutter as well.

Whatever the cause, stuttering affects around 1 in 100 adults, so chances are we'll all meet people who live with it. The more we learn from those folks, the more kind, compassionate, and inclusive we can all be.

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Man uses social media to teach others ASL so kids don't experience what he did as a child

Every child should be able to communicate in a way that works best for them.

Daniel Adams|Canva and Crystal Sing|Canva

Man teaches people ASL so no child experiences what he did

People start communicating from the moment they enter the world usually through cries, faces, grunts and squeals. Once infants move into the toddler phase the combine all of their previous communication skills with pointing and saying a few frequently used words like "milk," "mama," "dada" and "eat."

Children who are born without the ability to hear often still go through those same stages with the exception of their frequently used words being in sign language. But not all hearing parents know sign language, which can stunt the language skills of their non-hearing child. Ronnie McKenzie is an American Sign Language advocate that uses social media to teach others how to sign so deaf and nonverbal kids don't feel left out.

"But seriously i felt so isolated 50% of my life especially being outside of school i had NONE to sign ASL with. Imagine being restricted from your own language," McKenzie writes in his caption.

The dad explains that he was the only deaf child on both sides of his family and no one spoke ASL to him outside of school. Because of his experience feeling isolated within his own family, he decided to build his social media platform around ASL literacy, his followers look forward to his daily lessons. Parents and teachers of deaf and nonverbal children thank him for the work he's doing and often request certain signs to help them communicate.

McKenzie advocates that ASL become a language taught in elementary schools as a standard part of curriculum so students are able to effectively communicate with everyone around them. In one of his more recent videos, he teaches parents how to sign basic words children may need to know like, "pizza," "don't touch," and "follow me."

Parents and educators jumped into the comments to ask for help learning more signs.

"I work in school, and I would like to know school materials like: paper, crayons, pencil, paint, brushes, or words like: homework, test, recess. Thanks," someone writes.

"Can you do “gentle” or “careful”? Like for a toddler with a new baby at home," another asks.

"I love this so much. My son is non-verbal and struggles with learning any way to communicate. I feel me trying to learn ASL is something that will help him- I appreciate you, we all do," a commenter reveals.

Not everyone will pick up ASL quickly, but McKenzie's approach to repeat the signs three times and give signs for different situations that people frequently incur is likely most helpful. When learning a language, even our first language, we pick up on words used the most in familiar situations so giving context to the signs can help it stick. Hopefully more people are inspired to learn from McKenzie to make the world more accessible to others.

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The restaurant in Japan where getting your order wrong is totally expected and accepted

It's a beautiful example of social inclusion for people with dementia.

Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

At The Restaurant for Mistaken Orders, orders come as placed only 67% of the time.

Imagine you order salmon and green beans at a restaurant and the server brings you steak and potatoes. You'd say something, right? Tell them they got your order wrong? Expect them to fix the mix-up?

Not if you were dining at The Restaurant of Mistaken Orders in Tokyo, Japan, where part of the dining experience is not knowing whether you're going to get what you order. You have about a 1 in 3 chance that you won't, but those odds are in place for the best reason.

The Restaurant of Mistaken Orders employes people with dementia as servers, fully knowing that sometimes they're going to get customers' orders wrong. Customers who eat there know this fact as well. It's all just part of the adventure of dining at a restaurant designed to increase kindness and reduce isolation for people with cognitive impairments.

The pop-up restaurant is a collaboration between creator Shiro Oguni and a group home for people with dementia.

“Like everybody else, my awareness of dementia at first tended towards negative images of people who were ‘radically forgetful’ and ‘aimlessly wandering about,'" Oguni shared with Japan's government website. "But actually, they can cook, clean, do laundry, go shopping and do other ‘normal’ things for themselves."

Oguni was worried at first that people might criticize the concept of the restaurant, as if people with dementia were being treated as a carnival show or being made a laughingstock. But he says that when people see the smiles on the faces of the servers and how much joy and confidence they gain from having a purpose and being viewed as still capable, they are moved.

“The restaurant is not about whether orders are executed incorrectly or not,” noted Oguni. “The important thing is the interaction with people who have dementia.” It's a win-win. The people with dementia aren't as isolated, and 99% of the people who visit The Restaurant of Mistaken Orders leaves feeling happy.

"Dementia is not what a person is, but just part of who they are," said Oguni. "People are people. The change will not come from them, it must come from society. By cultivating tolerance, almost anything can be solved."

People love the idea of creating a space where people with dementia can work have other people to interact with.

"Kindness, inclusion, and compassion are the hallmarks of making someone feel like a human being despite adversity in their circumstances," shared one commenter on Instagram. "These people are sweet human beings who deserve not to be given up on by society."

"Instead of sticking them in a home and avoiding them, they are including them and giving them the ability to live, a sense of purpose, a reason to smile. I think it's a beautiful concept," wrote another.

"The beauty of a community choosing to meet people where they are instead of forcing them into a mold they no longer fit. Change the mold, change the result. Love this idea," shared another.

Many people pointed to the collectivist mindset in Japan, where societal well-being is more important than individual ambition, as something to aspire to. But even in Japan, The Restaurant of Mistaken Orders is a novel experiment that has proven to be a success.

"The image of ‘Cool Japan’ is recently gathering much enthusiasm, but I think ‘Warm Japan’ is just as important," said Oguni. "I want to promote a Japan that cultivates a warm, comfortable environment, so people will return home with smiles and a glow in their hearts.”

A beautiful goal for any nation to have. Learn more about The Restaurant for Mistaken Orders here.

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Mom wanted her son to see toys that looked like him. Fisher-Price delivered.

"If you ever decided to design a Little Person with brown skin and red hair, please let us know."

Courtesy of Niki Coffman

Fisher-Price creates new toy to look like a young customer.

When kids look around at television shows or toys on the shelves, they instinctively look to see if there's someone that looks like them. It's a natural desire to want to see yourself represented in different areas of life, and for kids, play is life. Mom Niki Coffman knew that, so she decided to go out on a limb and write to Fisher-Price to gently hint at a favor.

Coffman has a 5-year-old son named Archer, whom she adopted as an infant. The mom explained to Today.com that her family is white and her son goes to a predominantly white school, so there was very little representation of Black people, let alone Black people with red hair, like Archer.

"The thing is, if you feel like, 'you should just be grateful to have a toy,' it's probably because your toys did look like you. It's probably because my princesses did look like me, and once you know someone it matters to who doesn't have that, how could it not matter to you?" Coffman told Upworthy. "Archer identifies with all the toys with brown skin, but to have something that looks like him so that he sees himself in the world, it's not just about a toy. It's really about the rest of the world seeing you, too."

So Coffman went on a mission to make sure her son felt represented in the world around him, even going as far as asking for donations of diverse books and dolls to be sent to the school.

The Coffman Family

Courtesy of Niki Coffman

Coffman explained to Upworthy that they knew going into the adoption that they would have to do everything they could to make sure Archer felt represented in a white household. They stay in close contact with Archer's first mom and his younger sister, and Coffman emphasizes that while the pre-schooler is living with her, she doesn't think "its better than if he got to be with her [his first mom]."

The family has hard conversations about how unfair it is for Archer not to have been able to live with his first mom. But, Coffman doesn't shy away from acknowledging his emotions and tackling the disparity of diversity in her community for her son. In fact, the mom told Upworthy that she first began writing letters to companies when Archer was just a year old, and while most don't respond at all, some have told her they're going to work to do better.

Framable letter from Fisher-Price

Courtesy of Niki Coffman

But after seeing how inclusive Fisher-Price Little People are, Coffman decided to write the company a thank you letter. She explained the family's predicament and her love for how diverse the Little People collection was.

"It hasn't always been the easiest thing to find toys & books that reflect the incredible diversity of the world we live in," Coffman wrote. "But man, oh, man do your current Little People offerings deliver on that diversity. We were so thrilled to find Black firefighters and doctors, girls with braids & and teacher with locs."

The mom continued her letter by explaining how important it was for non-white kids to see themselves represented. As her praise of the company's diverse dolls continued, she threw in a tiny request.

"'If you ever decided to design a Little Person with brown skin and red hair, please let us know,'" Coffman told Today.com about her P.S. at the end of her letter.

To the mom's surprise, she received a reply from Gary Weber, the Vice President of Design at Fisher-Price. He told Coffman that he shared the story with everyone that works on Little People.

"You and Archer have inspired us! We know that when kids play with Little People they are playing out scenarios they see in the world around them, and feeling like they are a part of that world is critical," Weber wrote.

Archer holding Little People "Archer"

Courtesy of Niki Coffman

The VP ended the letter by asking for the family's address, and shortly thereafter, a surprise for Archer arrived on their doorstep. Little People that looked just like the red-headed 5-year-old wearing a perfect replica of one of Archer's outfits. The gift even came with a colorful letter with a picture of the boy inside that was signed by the entire Little People team.

"I immediately burst into tears," Coffman told Upworthy. "He has shown every single person we know. He carries it in his pocket, his little person, so he can show everyone that it looks just like him."

"By having a toy that looked like him, he was really seen and that's what was so moving about this gesture from Fisher-Price is that they really saw him," she continued.

"There’s truly so much goodness in the world, and Gary, Dafna, and their entire team are that goodness personified," the mom wrote on Facebook.

Maybe one day those dolls will make their way into stores so other kids can have their very own Archer figurine.

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