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Waitress shares the startling note a man left on his receipt that had her 'sobbing mid-shift'

She had no idea their simple conversation had meant so much.

handwritten note, server, server life, waitress, tipping, restaurant, kindness, note on bill, grief, connection, losing a daughter
@k8tymilla/TikTok

"It broke me."

We simply never know what someone else is going through, nor do we know how a simple bit of connection can offer so much healing.

Twenty-five-year-old server Katie Miller certainly never would have anticipated that a seemingly ordinary conversation between her and a couple dining at her restaurant would lead to her getting a handwritten note that left her "sobbing mid shift.”

But as the scribblings left on the back of the receipt revealed, this was the couple’s first outing since losing their 27-year-old daughter, and apparently Miller offered them a precious gift: an opportunity to smile once again.

 

 handwritten note, server, server life, waitress, tipping, restaurant, kindness, note on bill, grief, connection, losing a daughter TikTok · Katie Miller  www.tiktok.com  

The note read:

“Thank you for your wonderful service. Our 27-year-old daughter passed away unexpectedly about 5 weeks ago and today is the first day I have been able to get my wife out to enjoy a real meal. Thank you for making her smile. You will never know what it means to us.”

What did Miller and this woman talk about that lifted her spirits? Hair and aging. Miller shared with Newsweek that she complimented the woman’s "beautiful curly red hair," noting how “people nowadays are dying their hair to look like hers.” The woman then laughingly admitted she dyed her hair to cover some grays. Miller quipped that she just plucked hers out. That’s it. Such a normal, everyday conversation, but it made such a lasting impact.

 handwritten note, server, server life, waitress, tipping, restaurant, kindness, note on bill, grief, connection, losing a daughter " You will never know what it means to us.”@k8tymilla/TikTok

Then, after seeing the note left for her, Miller told Newsweek, "You would never have guessed. It broke me. It hurts knowing people are struggling like that." Though she didn’t approach the couple again, she decided to share the story on TikTok to help remind others that "Kindness goes a long way. We can truly heal others if we're nice.”

From the slew of similar stories shared by fellow service workers in the comment section, we can take solace in the fact that these occurrences maybe aren’t as rare as we think they are.

“I took my son to work with me once, and a single man who only ordered a $3 beer tipped me $100 and wrote ‘I used to go to work with my mom too. Make sure you take him to the movies after your shift, on me.’ I kept the receipt until it crumbled.”

“One time while working in retail I was checking out these items for this older woman and I complimented her necklace. She started crying and telling me how her late husband gifted it to her. She said I made her day.”

“I had a customer ask me how old my kid was after talking about him for a while. Customer paid up and said ‘your kid is 5, correct/’ I said yes sir. Handed my 5 $100 bills and said ‘use this for him please.’ His grandson passed away, also 5. I haven’t cried that hard in my adult life ever.”

“One time I worked at Sonic, I took a woman’s drink out to her, she was sobbing alone in her car. I felt weird asking but something in me felt it was necessary…she told me her daughter had just recently tried to take her own life and was in the hospital, she wasn't sure if she would make it and was beside herself with sadness. I opened the door and just hugged her. For a moment we both needed that hug. She told me I reminded her of her daughter and how beautiful she is when she smiled. Even since then I learned to always be kind.

“We were really busy one night when I was working the bar at a restaurant I used to work at in college. I noticed a man a few rows back, just waiting in the crowd. Never moving forward. He hadn’t been served and was very hesitant looking worried. I decided to approach him…turned out he was deaf and just super overwhelmed. We wrote back and forth that evening and I made sure I stayed on top of his service. When he left, he handed me a note, and in it he told me he gets ignored a lot in busy places…The last line said, ‘thank you for SEEING me’…it broke my heart thinking about how ppl had overlooked him so often. I’m so glad I could at least make THAT night better for him. I cried in the kitchen for a good bit after he left.”

“One lady at the bar I bartended at was staring at me so oddly during the whole time I was taking care of them…honeslty I thought she didn’t like me. But before they left she came up to me and said ‘this might be weird but it is so good to meet you again’ and handed me a note [that] said I looked and talked and walked, even smiled like her best friend that had passed a few years ago…I cried so hard;I keep it in my glove box now.”

Interacting with strangers is a necessary part of life. Then again, life has a way of reminding us that none of us are really strangers at all. We all carry pain, we all seek out connection, and we all need help finding a reason to smile from time to time. May this be a friendly reminder to be that person for someone else, whenever possible.

 handwritten note, server, server life, waitress, tipping, restaurant, kindness, note on bill, grief, connection, losing a daughter Go out and be kind today. @k8tymilla/TikTok

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Pet behaviorist explains the viral phenomenon of people buying their cats concrete slabs

A pet behaviorist explains why this trend is actually purrfect enrichment.

@annieknowsanimals/TikTok

Cat owners everywhere are shocked to see how much their feline love a simple $2 concrete slab.

If you’ve traipsed through @CatTok over the past few days, you’ve undoubtedly come across various videos of cat parents bringing their feline friends a fairly unusual yet surprisingly effective enrichment tool. We are talking of course about a concrete slab. Yes, you read that right. Not a fancy new scratching post. Not some laser contraption. A cement square. That’s it.

Seriously, folks are going in droves to Home Depot to purchase these unassuming blocks. And every time they present their kitties this new treat, the reactions look something like this:

 
 @shecatcalls PART 2 | Cat enrichment ideas. The way she sits more on this $7 brick than any of the actual cat beds and huts I buy her 😂 Can anyone else relate? 🤦♀️ Video idea inspired by Kurt the Cat @Abram Engle @The Home Depot #creatorsearchinsights #cats #cattok #sillycat #funny #meow ♬ Cute - In Music 
 
 


 
 @renusdelph I bought concrete slabs for my cats #cat #catsoftiktok #orangecat #orangecatbehavior #catlovers #viralcats #funnycat ♬ original sound - Renus Delph 
 
 


 
 @mrmilothechonk I should have bought 3 😂 #foryou #foryoupage #cats #catsoftiktok #viral ♬ Almost forgot that this was the whole point - Take my Hand Instrumental - AntonioVivald 
 
 

The trend seems like it could have been ignited by this orange tabby (named Kurt) below, who loved rolling around on the sidewalk, thus inspiring his owner Abram Engle to see if he'd enjoy a concrete slab just as much. Spoiler alert: he did.

 
 @abrameng Kurt was conking the crete
 ♬ original sound - Abram Engle 
 
 

There have been as many theories as to why kitties go gaga for concrete as there are toy mice under the couch (meaning, a lot). But below, pet behaviorist Dr. Annie gives a few of her hunches as to what's driving this phenomeownon…though she adds the caveat that there haven’t yet been any official studies on it. So it's all based on her educated guesses.

 
 @annieknowsanimals why do cats like concrete? 🤔 here are my thoughts on the latest cat enrichment #trend! vc: @aero.mace #catbehavior #catsoftiktok #cat #cats ♬ original sound - Dr. Annie | pet behaviorist 
 
 

“First, I think cats are enjoying the concrete slab being brought into their homes because they are new and kind of out of place. There’s probably nothing quite like them already in the home environment,” Dr. Annie says.

This might initially sound counterintuitive, since it’s generally accepted that cats thrive on routine. While this may be true, as Dr. Annie has discussed in previous videos, their "predatory and territorial nature” makes them "sensitive to novelty.” When a toy seems static, it no longer mimics actual live prey, and therefore does not stimulate kitty as it would in nature. Same goes for cat beds and scratching posts, as they’re used to exploring and monitoring their environment. When something “new” appears in their territory, they are very motivated to interact with it.

 
 @annieknowsanimals Replying to @joshtmeadows let’s explain why cats are so sensitive to “new” stuff! @Abram Engle ♬ original sound - Dr. Annie | pet behaviorist 
 
 

Second, Dr. Annie surmises that the concrete’s porous surface makes it really great for holding onto the cat's scent, which is a key factor in marking a kitty's territory. Again, cat’s really like knowing (or in this case, smelling) what’s theirs. In many videos, you can see cat’s actively rubbing their cheek glands on the slab, Dr. Annie notes.

Also, and probably more of a no-brainer, the concrete surface is very, very fun for scratching! And while we all might know that cats enjoy the tactile pleasure of using their claws, having a part of their environment that they have control over is very fulfilling for their mental health.

Lastly, Dr. Annie confirms what many cat parents assumed, which is that temperature plays a huge role in making the concrete slab cat-friendly. Cats like warmth because they have a higher body temperature, and evolved from creatures that live in warmer climates (like topical jungles, African plains, etc.). If they are seeking a way to raise their temperature—especially in air conditioned homes—a concrete slab that’s been soaking up the sun is a great way to do so.

Thank you Dr. Annie for that fascinating deep dive. Those all seem like pretty solid theories. And while we might not ever get actual studies on this, there’s yet another fact that becomes abundantly clear: cat parents will go above and beyond to make their fur babies happy. Even if that means taking on a job in construction for free concrete.

For even more fantastic cat facts, give Dr. Annie a follow on TikTok.

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20 cute things couples do in secret because it would 'shock' anyone else who saw them

Apparently speaking in animal sounds is a forgotten love language.

Photo credit: Canva

Letting out your inner weirdo is an admirable relationship tier.

At some point in a long-term relationship—especially after you’re living together—there comes a time when all pretense is laid to the wayside. When regular closeness and new levels of comfortability allow both partners to really let out their fun, playful, messy, immature, and perhaps even a bit feral side that would otherwise stay dormant or hidden.

If you’re currently in a long term relationship and wonder if other couples are as weird with one another behind closed doors as you are, read on. Recently someone asked partners:

“What’s something you do in private that’s completely normal for you, but would probably shock your friends?”

Judging by these super cute, sweet, interesting, and ultimately very relatable answers, we can probably all assume that being weirdos is actually a sign of a very healthy relationship…even if we wouldn’t dare let anyone else see us that way.

Tons of couples shared about having their own language of sorts, especially those that involve animal sounds, apparently…

 ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy “My wife and I HONK like geese. I use it for echo location but she uses it more as a summoning function.”Photo credit: Canva

“We have full conversations in ridiculous accents and once spent a whole day arguing in pirate voice without breaking character.”

“Sometimes we’ll be in different parts of the house and she’ll bark, and I’ll bark back and we’ll bark at each other for about 10 seconds before it goes back to silence, with no discussion involved.If we’re in the same room sometimes she’ll make a bark noise and I’ll look at her like HEY, no, shake finger this is a safe space.”

“My wife and I HONK like geese. I use it for echo location but she uses it more as a summoning function.”

“My ex and I would meow at each other. We’d have full non verbal conversations with each other by meowing.”

“My partner and I hiss at each other. A lot.I had a good laugh at my partner's expense last week, when he told me that he accidentally hissed at a coworker and had to explain why. He hissed at me in response, of course. As is the custom.”

“We have a hand signal for when we want to leave a social situation. Sometimes we’ll give it to each other from across the room or if it’s too obvious, the person who wants to leave will hold the other persons hand and do the signal inside their palm.Also, we regularly will pick food from a menu while out to dinner based on the knowledge that We will be swapping plates half way through lol”

And of course, many couples reported seeing the occasional jab as a way of saying “I love you…dummy.”

 ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy “Our love language is roasting and insulting each other."Photo credit: Canva

“We get mean but try to be silly about it, but we KNOW we're joking. It would actually upset our oldest who has autism. He couldn't tell we were joking and we'd need to stop and reassure him. Eventually he got in on the joke and he'd start saying things like ‘guys! Not in front of my beef stew!’ Or whatever he had or was eating/doing.”

“Our love language is roasting and insulting each other. We have our own boundaries we don’t ever cross, but the very few times we’ve let it slip in front of others they’re always pretty shocked at how we speak.”

Others noted how physical intimacy now involved play, laughter, and a certain comfort with what might be considered a tad gross elsewhere. We’re not talking about sex here, but about the familiarity that comes from being in proximity over a long period of time.

 ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy "It just makes sense if one of us walks near the other to lightly touch them.”Photo credit: Canva

“Fake wrestling before sleeping. We know for a fact I can't overpower him but it's a question of whether my flexibility can beat his strength. I always try to poke his butt with my big toe to defeat him.”

“We shower together, and afterwards she rubs lotion on me. It actually started because her sister said men don't know how to lotion, so I told her to show me. It's not sexual really, just quality time together.”

“A friend of ours pointed out that I had taken a slightly long route through the living room so I could lightly rub my fingertips across my GF's back as I walked by, the friend thought it was odd. I said I just wanted to let my GF know I was there…I have no real answer for it. It just makes sense if one of us walks near the other to lightly touch them.”

“She’ll spend up to an hour combing my entire body for white heads, black heads, and anything poppable on my skin, popping them. She enjoys it so much that I've had to remind her to slow down as she'll accidentally cut me with her nails.”

“We race to slap the other on the ass after sex and declare ‘good game.’”

The really sweet stuff came from couples who found little bonding rituals even within the mundane, and those who could actually claim their SO as their BFF. Sure, we might not want a romantic partner to be our end-all, be-all person. But at the same time, time and time again we see that the most successful couples are those who truly are friends.

 ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy "Hubs and I do everything together as a team."Photo credit: Canva

“We cook a big artichoke for each of us in a pressure cooker and we add butter and lemon and we sit in bed and binge watch TV shows while eating our artichokes in silence. This is kind of our decompression routine that we do after stressful work days or busy weeks. It's really nice.”

“We read out loud to each other at night- short stories, magazine articles but usually longer books - historical fiction or even non fiction.”

“We have an imaginary roommate whom we blame for all the bad stuff (dishes left in sink, laundry on floor etc) instead of arguing about it with each other.”

“I was teased recently because hubs and I do everything together as a team. We grocery shop together, if a pipe breaks we work to fix it together, we do housework together. Not as a dependency, we just generally like being around each other and adulting is way more fun together than solo.”

“I like to grocery shop with my wife. We get chicken nuggets from the hot bar afterwards. 😀”

But by and large, the most common “shocking” thing that couples did was sleeping in separate beds. Which is kind of wild, given all the research we have indicating that it really does offer plenty of health benefits. If you’re still having reservations, take a peek at some of this anecdotal evidence below.

 ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy “Having separate bedrooms is such a marriage/partner hack."Photo credit: Canva

“We do this. Everyone is happier. We sleep better which equates to less crankiness. We will have a ‘sleep over’ on weekends when we don't have to be up for work. We'll also snuggle in the morning if we both are up in time. It's a great set up.”

“Having separate bedrooms is such a marriage/partner hack. It also gives you independent space to retreat to, and you get to decorate your own space. We found it does not at all reduce intimacy. In fact it can increase it. But let me tell you. The judgement for this. Damn.”

Bottom line: everyone is weird. And maybe part of finding love is finding someone who lets you be your weirdest, most authentic self. If you have found that person, congrats, and take comfort in know that when no one is watching, other couples are out there being just as silly and carefree. What a beautiful thing.

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People from other countries share 14 things that instantly tell them someone's American

Have you ever heard of the "American lean"?

via zoetnet/Flickr, Ewen Roberts/Flickr and Tom Hodgkinson/Flickr
Some American tourists enjoying the sights

Americans have a style and personality all their own, which isn’t a bad thing. It’s just noticeable when they travel aboard. Americans often stand out because of their outgoing personalities. They are friendly and enjoy having casual conversations with strangers.

This is an endearing trait to a lot of people in more reserved cultures, although it can also come off as a little brash.

An American characteristic that isn’t quite endearing to people in other countries is that they can be rather loud. In Europe, one can always notice the Americans in the restaurant because they can be heard from across the room.

One Reddit user wanted to know the specific ways that Americans stand out when traveling abroad, so they asked the AskReddit subreddit: “What’s an obvious sign that someone is an American?”


 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture It may not be quite this obvious, but Americans do stand out.  Giphy  

The post was popular, receiving nearly 6,000 responses in just 6 days. The most popular ones described how Americans' unique personalities, style of dress, dental hygiene and body language make them easy to spot.

Here are 14 “obvious” signs that someone is an American.

1. Posture

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans slouch and lean.  Giphy  

"Apparently, the CIA trains American agents to not lean on things if they go undercover in foreign countries because Americans lean on anything they can while standing around," one user wrote.

"I bet MI6 trains British agents to lean on everything if they go undercover in America because Americans lean on anything they can while standing around," joked another.

Shockingly, this is actually true. The "American lean" is well-documented and, yes, a former CIA chief has said publicly that it's something the agency addresses with its operatives to help them blend in.

2. The date

"MMDDYYYY," a user said.

The way Americans write the date seems normal and commonplace when you're in the US, but around the world, we're practically the only ones who do it that way. Similarly, only a small handful of countries outside of the US use the imperial system of measure.

Writing the date or using feet and inches are a dead giveaway!

3. Distances are different

"Anything under 4 hours is 'close by," someone suggested.

"Everything in Europe is around the corner if you're from the US. I can drive the whole day and not leave my state, but in Europe, I can pass through 4 countries in that same time frame," said another.

The massive geography of the United States has a big affect on how we see distance. It shows up when we travel to other countries that are more densely packed together.

4. They're polite to servers

"In the touristy cafe-restaurant I worked at:

If they asked me for the nicest spot we had

If they asked me my recommendation without seeing the menu first

I would walk to the table, and they would say right away ‘hey, how are you doing?’ This one threw me off a lot at first. Why is this person asking me how I'm doing?? I'm just there to take the order. I got used to it, and I think they found my awkwardness cute.

They would ask my name when I greeted them and took their order.

I'm Northern European.," explained one user.

"It’s under-appreciated just how polite, friendly, and sincere Americans are in general. It blew my mind the first time I came to the US, and I love that my children are growing up with those same values," said another.

You might expect to hear that Americans are rude and entitled when traveling, but that's not necessarily the case! In America, some friendly rapport with your waiter is expected, and Americans tend to be a more outgoing bunch that love to engage. That makes them stand out in European countries, in particular, where restaurant service is meant to be professional and efficient rather than charismatic.


5. The water bottles

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans love huge water bottles.  Giphy  

"I was told, 'Americans carry water bottles around like they're worried they'll never have access to clean water ever again," one user said.

"I don't care what anyone says. If you think carrying a water bottle when walking a lot is weird, you're probably slightly dehydrated all the time and are just desensitized to it. You seriously need to drink water frequently if you want to be ideally healthy," said another.

The water bottle fad is uniquely American, for better or worse. Whether it's a Yeti, a Stanley, an Owalla, or something else, you can bet if someone is swinging a massive water bottle wherever they walk, they're an American.

6. Smiling

"I was in Germany this past summer, and I realized smiling at everyone you make eye contact with is very American. When I went to London on the same trip, they seemed less weirded out by it but would awkwardly return the smile. I was taught to always start with a disarming smile. Never realized it was American," said one person.

7. "More ice, please."

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans love tons of ice in their drinks.  Giphy  

"I spent a year in Europe completely iceless to the point I forgot that was a thing. I stopped at a bar in Chicago fresh off the plane and not only did I get free tap water, but water with ice. I instantly felt at home," added one person.

There is a long and fascinating history involving someone called "The Ice King" behind why Americans, and so few other cultures, love to put tons of ice in our drinks. Needless to say, it makes us stand out like a sore thumb when traveling.

8. Personal space

"As an American man, I’ve been told repeatedly by European and Asian friends that we simply take up space (not by being fat) as though we’re entitled to it. Men in other countries apparently don’t claim the same personal space we do," one person offered.

You mean manspreading? Apparently, other cultures don't do that.

9. White teeth

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans value ultra-white teeth.  Giphy  

"It’s even more bizarre that they assume we have braces or bleach our teeth because they’re straight and white. I have naturally straight white teeth. I brush them twice a day so they stay white. I don’t do anything special to them, but I remember being in London and some similar-aged students literally making fun of me for my teeth… it’s true that they don’t naturally look like headstones in an ancient graveyard, but there’s no need to make fun," someone added.

Imagine getting made fun of for having white teeth! For one reason or another, American culture places high value on having extremely white teeth. We all know the old jokes about British teeth, but some findings show that while Americans' teeth may be whiter, Brits may be healthier overall. Something to think about.

10. Casual dress

"My friend went to Germany recently, and what people said about Americans is you can spot them a mile away because they’re the ones wearing pajamas in public. Apparently, in other countries, at least Germany, they dress a little more formally and in less baggy clothes than we do in America," someone added.

Activewear, sweatpants, pajamas — we love to be comfortable! But it does make us a bit obvious when we're out and about in other countries.

11. Baseball hats

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans wear hats... everywhere.  Giphy  

"Baseball cap... even on an infant riding in a pram," a user suggested.

Baseball hats are common in many countries around the world, but most people internationally only wear them outside. If someone's wearing a cap inside or at a restaurant, it's a safe bet that person is American.

12. Shoes

"Americans are shoe snobs (they don’t think they are, but they are). Setting aside wealthier business types, Americans generally wear more on-brand, on-trend, high-quality shoes than others," someone said.

13. They're loud

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans' default volume is loud.  Giphy  

"That was my first thought. Americans yell at each other in normal conversation in public. I noticed it years ago in Europe, and now I can’t stand it in the US," another user added.

Now there's an unsurprising revelation! Just like our tendency to take up space, Americans seem to have less awareness of those around them when it comes to conversation volume, as well.

14. Occupation matters

"Immediately asking someone what they do for a living when meeting them. Our jobs and work are our entire identity," one person said.

"I hate that about American culture. I'm an American and recently became a SAHM, so I don't have an answer to 'What do you do for a living?' Half the time, I add the caveat, ‘Oh, my last job was with Apple,’ so that I'm not written off as an unemployed ‘loser.’ But it really is dumb to determine a person's worth by what they do in order to afford food and shelter," added another.

There are huge differences in work culture between America and other countries. They're so big and pervasive that they show up not just while we're working, but in the way we interact with others. For example, in Europe it's far less common to be friends with your coworkers. People value the purpose they find in work and the results, but are happy to keep the majority of their life separate from their career.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Friends struggling with procrastination held a 'forcing party' and it's oh so brilliant

A little accompaniment and accountability can make all the difference.

Photo credit: Canva

Friends can help us when we're on the productivity struggle bus.

Some people have self-discipline and agency coming out their ears and rarely if ever procrastinate on anything. Others, not so much. Whether it's driven by habit, fear of success or failure, lack of motivation, ADHD, or something else that disrupts the flow from "I need to do this thing" to "I'm now doing this thing," procrastination is a challenge in many people's lives. You know what you need to do—why can't you just do it?

When you struggle to get things done, the cycle of self-loathing and shame that follows can make you feel worthless and alone. But some friends on X came up with a simply brilliant solution that not only solves the procrastination problem, but the feeling alone problem as well.

 
 

A user named Tyler wrote, "Sometimes you need a coach or therapist, and sometimes you just need someone to invade your life and force [you] to book the dr's appointment, finish the writing assignment, submit the job application, etc. Does this sort of person exist for hire?"

Lots of people resonated with that idea, but Tyler's friend Crystal responded, "Can we do it for each other?"

Tyler said Crystal would be good at this and said he was thinking of throwing "a force-on-another-to-do-stuff party."

And so they did.

 
 

The idea was to gather together a small group of friends who have things they need to get done and create a space where they could "force" one another to do them. Turns out, it was a brilliant plan. Crystal and Tyler both in the middle of their party, with Crystal saying it was "going well" and that they'd be doing more and Tyler sharing:

"So far:

- A passport has been filed for

- An inbox has been zero'd

- A personal website has been created

& more.

I recommend this format!"

 
 

People loved the idea, with many people asking if they could join. Tyler encouraged people to host their own. You don't have to have a bunch of friends to do it—it could literally just be two people. As long as whoever is there is on board with what it is, the number of people doesn't matter.

And if the idea of "forcing" rubs you the wrong way, what you call the gathering doesn't matter, either. One person suggested some alternative names, such as Git 'er Done Party, Just Do It Party, and Not So Bad Party. You could call it a Procrastinator Party or Motivation Madness. A similar idea has been called Admin Night, only that is specifically referred to as "not a party." But why can't it be both? Give the invite a tagline, even: Get stuff done, then have fun.

 
 

The concept of accompaniment to do things you don't want to or are struggling to do is an ADHD strategy known as "body doubling." Having someone in the same room with you doing something productive, even if it isn't the same thing you're doing, is often enough to get a person with ADHD to focus on the task they need to complete. The Forcing Party is a similar idea, perhaps with a bit more direct accountability built into it. It's a lot harder to put off doing something when you're at a party dedicated to doing exactly that thing.

 

If you're saying, "But why should I have to have a 'forcing party' just to get myself to do things that aren't even that difficult to do?" and feeling down on yourself for it, just stop for a sec. Humans aren't meant to do everything in isolation. We are social creatures who live in communities of people. Even those of us who like to be alone still benefit in various ways from the assistance and accompaniment of others, and if this is an area where being with your fellow humans helps you be the productive person you want to be, why question it?

Keep it simple. Contact a few friends and see if they have things they've been putting off doing that you could all do side-by-side one evening or weekend day. Call it whatever kind of party you want. See what they say. Chances are, they all have something they've been procrastinating on as well and would welcome the opportunity to get together and get it done.

Thanks for the inspiration, Tyler and Crystal!

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I taught preschool in a migrant town. Here is the number one myth I wish people understood.

We spent weeks looking for help for a young child who was in pain.

Photo credit: Canva

I taught preschool in a migrant town. There's one myth that needs to end.

It seems that around every election season we hear about undocumented immigrants and how they're simultaneously stealing our jobs and collecting government benefits. This idea is common in farming communities and the surrounding areas since these communities tend to be rural with scarce job opportunities and poor wages. It's a phrase I heard most of my adult life and that I eventually learned was simply a myth to garner votes or support for certain policies.

For a few years, I taught "More at 4," a preschool program for low-income families in a small town in North Carolina. The town is full of fields with rows of crops growing everything from tobacco to strawberries. Old school busses packed with watermelons and trucks sprinkling tobacco leaves on the two-lane highway was the norm to see on my sleepy drive to work. Agricultural communities are usually heavily populated with migrant farm workers and their families.

 immigration; undocumented immigrants; migrant workers; illegal immigrants; illegal aliens; illegal immigrants Medicaid Leafy harvest: Tobacco leaves hang to dry.Photo credit: Canva

Every spring and summer, the fields were lined with men and women picking fruit and vegetables with a speed that would rival a Marvel superhero. Every fall, my classroom would fill with adorable brown faces who would giggle at my Spanish when I clumsily told them to wash their hands. It always came out sounding more like a spell from Harry Potter than a directive in a language I didn't speak. Jedi was one of those students, a 4-year-old who was usually full of smiles until she wasn't.

My assistant teacher and I noticed a few months into the school year that Jedi was not as talkative and starting to sit by herself. This little girl loved to chat and play in the dramatic play area, pretending to be the mom while directing other kids in Spanish. Sitting alone was unusual for her, and we quickly realized that it was more than an upset stomach when she started crying every time it was time to eat. The language barrier made calling her mother tricky, but with the help of one of our bilingual students we made it work and quickly learned upsetting health news.

 immigration; undocumented immigrants; migrant workers; illegal immigrants; illegal aliens; illegal immigrants Medicaid Children learning the alphabet with teachers.Photo credit: Canva

Most of Jedi's molars were rotting and broken. Her mother explained through our 4-year-old translator and the Google Translate app that the little girl's teeth had been hurting for some time. She had been giving her over-the-counter pain medication in the morning, hoping it would get her through the day. That worked for a while, but the cavities got worse over the months.

Since our program was for low-income families, nearly every child had Medicaid, so at first we didn't understand why this sweet girl hadn't seen a dentist. It was during that conversation that we learned the children of migrant workers don't qualify for Medicaid or any other federal government assistance. Jedi didn't have a social security number and her birth certificate was from Guatemala. In order to receive Medicaid, which would've fixed her broken, infected teeth, she needed to be a U.S. citizen.

 immigration; undocumented immigrants; migrant workers; illegal immigrants; illegal aliens; illegal immigrants Medicaid Child upset in colorful classroom.Photo credit: Canva

I watched helplessly as the girl's mother cried, explaining to a child no older than her own—who then translated the message to me—that they didn't know what to do. We promised to find a way to help the family and went to work. That afternoon, during regular pick up, Jedi's father came to the door with cash in hand. He was covered in sweat and dirt from the field. The worried dad explained that he didn't have a lot of money but could pay to help his daughter. After a brief back and forth with the translator app, he put his money away and left.

My assistant and I worked for a couple of weeks calling government agencies, angrily telling them it wasn't fair that they wouldn't help. She was just four years old and we were having to feed her applesauce, pudding, and yogurt because she couldn't chew. We called every agency we could think of and then went down the list of every dentist in town. We explained the situation over and over, hoping someone would do something.

 immigration; undocumented immigrants; migrant workers; illegal immigrants; illegal aliens; illegal immigrants Medicaid Little one's big feelings on display.Photo credit: Canva

Just when we were about to give up, we found a children's dentist who agreed to evaluate her teeth. He determined that her teeth were infected, several needed to be capped, and a couple of the broken ones needed to be pulled. This amazing dentist made sure she left with antibiotics and an appointment that same week to start the work. The dad was able to pay him with cash on a weekly basis until it was paid off, and Jedi got her smile back.

Her first days back at school were like show-and-tell. She would take bites of food and then break into a wide grin while showing off her silver caps. That sweet girl would never know the hours we spent on the phone or the anguish her parents went through while trying to get her care. At the time, Jedi's mother was pregnant with what turned out to be a baby sister, also without care.

 immigration; undocumented immigrants; migrant workers; illegal immigrants; illegal aliens; illegal immigrants Medicaid Young patient getting a dental check-up.Photo credit: Canva

While some states have expanded their Medicaid to include undocumented children and pregnant people, federally they're not covered, according to Healthinsurance.org. Currently there are only six states that expand state-funded Medicaid to undocumented people and 14 states that expand it to undocumented children who live in families that meet the income requirement. But even in the states that offer some form of state-funded Medicaid to undocumented individuals, the restrictions include income, and in some states, age.

In Illinois and New York, the only undocumented people that qualify for state-funded Medicaid are those under the age of 18 and those over the age of 65, though in New York undocumented pregnant people are also eligible. Washington state has an enrollment cap for undocumented individuals over 18 while California, Oregon, and Minnesota have no restrictions outside of income.

This means that the vast majority of undocumented immigrants are not eligible to receive government benefits. Immigrants who are in the U.S. lawfully are eligible for benefits under certain circumstances.

 immigration; undocumented immigrants; migrant workers; illegal immigrants; illegal aliens; illegal immigrants Medicaid Pregnant woman cradling bellyPhoto credit: Canva

According to KFF, "In general, in addition to meeting other eligibility requirements, lawfully present immigrants must have a 'qualified' immigration status to be eligible for Medicaid or CHIP (Table 1), and many, including most lawful permanent residents or 'green card' holders, must wait five years after obtaining qualified status before they may enroll. They may enroll in Marketplace coverage and receive subsidies during this five-year waiting period."

"Some immigrants with qualified status, such as refugees and asylees, as well as citizens of Compact of Free Association (COFA) nations, do not have to wait five years before enrolling. Some immigrants, such as those with temporary protected status, are lawfully present but do not have a qualified status and are not eligible to enroll regardless of their length of time in the country. Individuals with Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) status are not eligible for Medicaid or CHIP, and implementation of a Marketplace coverage expansion for them remains subject to ongoing litigation," KFF adds.

While there is often concern around undocumented people getting more benefits than the average struggling American citizen, it simply isn't true. It's a myth meant to evoke feelings of scarcity and unfairness to sway people to support policies they may otherwise feel uncomfortable with.

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