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Mom is blown away when she asks daughter to finish toxic phrases from her childhood

"This healed something in me."

Photo by Adam Winger on Unsplash

Mom and daughter heal generational trauma.

One of the most redeeming things about being a parent is the opportunity to right parenting wrongs from childhood. Healing generational trauma and breaking chains for a new generation is a powerful parenting gift.

And TikToker Brandi Davis (@brandi_davis24) is trying to do just that. Following a trend that began on Instagram, Davis asked her young daughter to finish some "toxic phrases" she grew up hearing throughout her childhood. Her daughter's responses show that her upbringing has truly been different.

"Asking my daughter to finish these phrases I heard growing up healed me a little bit," she captioned the video. "Her answers 🥺 breaking one generational curse at a time!!"

@brandi_davis24

Her answers 🥺 breaking one generational curse at a time!! #breakinggenerationalcurses #wholesome #disciplinephrases #fyp #trending #mommy #mommydaughter #lovehersomuch

In the video, Davis is sitting in her car with her daughter. She tells her, "I'm gonna start a sentence, and you're just gonna finish it with whatever you think it's supposed to say, okay?" Her daughter agrees, and she begins to say toxic phrases to her that she heard throughout her childhood.

"I brought you into this world so," Davis says, and her daughter replies, "I'm beautiful." Davis responds, "You're beautiful!" (The phrase is: I brought you into this world so/and I can take you out of it.)

"When we go in this store don't," Davis says, and her daughter replies, "Don't run away." (The phrase is: When we go in this store don't/ask for anything.)

"Children are for," Davis says, and her daughter replies, "Attention!"(The phrase is: Children are for/being seen not heard.)

She continues with more questions. "I'm going to give you something," Davis says, and her daughter replies, "Cuz I'm good!" (The phrase is: I'm going to give you something/ to cry about.)

"I love you but," Davis says, and her daughter take a while to reply. "Any answer is okay. It's not a trick," Davis encourages her as she thinks. Ultimately, she can't come up with one. (The phrase is: I love you but/I don't like you.) Davis adds in a caption, "I love that she couldn't think of a 'but' because she knows there is never a 'but' after with me."

The emotional video resonated with viewers in the comment section:

"This healed something in me. You’re doing a great job 🤍,"

"This baby has been nothing but loved and protected her whole life 💐🥹 cheers to you mama 💐."

"Gosh makes me realize how toxic our parents generation was and how much we are breaking those chains for our kids."

I’m a 43 year old man, the kid inside me does not know how to respond to this but feel happy for your daughter and it pointed out some darkness I was not aware of in my childhood."

"The fact I didn’t have to read and knew what the rest of it was… and her little pure heart had no clue 😭😭 definitely made me tear up. Good job mama."

This trend began on Instagram with mental health activist and parent Anna Muller (@annakristinam). She shared a video asking her young son the same questions, captioning it, "Seeing how my son finishes toxic parenting phrases." The video garnered over eight million views, and since then has become a trend on TikTok.

In a follow-up video to her original on Instagram, Muller shared more on the trend in her caption. "Thank you everyone for all the love on my previous video 😭 this trend is so wholesome and it’s so beautiful to see the parents breaking generational cycles and the kind humans we are raising together 🤍," she wrote.

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American mom reveals the next-level amenities she enjoyed at a Japanese birth clinic

The biggest surprise is how inexpensive it is.

Representative image from Canva

A birth clinic with facials? Now that's luxury.

When I say “picture a birthing clinic,” you’re likely to imagine all white rooms and hospital beds…not luxury suites and spa vibes.

But the latter was what Nicole Patrice, who had moved to Japan from Kentucky and underwent a c-section at the Nagoya Birth Clinic, where her husband purchased a 5-day stay in the “precious suite” as a Christmas gift.

Her tour of the facility and all its next level amenities—not to mention its price—left viewers in shock.

Though Patrice was separated from her baby for 24 hours as she received phototherapy treatment for jaundice, the clinic provided in-person snuggle time when able, even bringing him up to her suite for morning visits.

The rest of the time, Patrice was free to focus on her own healing, and it was as though every aspect of the clinic was specifically designed to facilitate that. From the restaurant worthy meals (all of which are apparently “made to promote healing, excite the palate and encourage lactation” to the cozy reading nooks, to the on-site aesthetic clinic for rejuvenating facials. Yes, really.

But wait, there’s more: Nagoya also provided adorable props for family photos, an in-room hot water heater for tea and coffee, plus in-room breakfast and afternoon tea.

“They really care about mothers here, and they just want us to rest and relax and really enjoy our time,” Patrice said in the video.

For a five day stay with all these bells and whistles, Patrice paid less than $3000 USD. By comparison, you’d be lucky to pay that for a single stay in something similar here in the United States.

@nicole_does_japan Day two after having a C-section in Japan. Pain management has been surprisingly easy. I came off of my IVs the day after my surgery- and I fully believe that not relying on pain medication has allowed my body to heal and create a threshold of tolerability, that I did not experience with my first C-section. In Japan, they don’t give a lot of unnecessary medication in regards to narcotics. I think the strongest thing that I had was Tylenol. the food, and the peaceful atmosphere all attribute to my healing. It’s been a dream giving birth at the Nagoya birth clinic. ##birthinjapan##japanpregnant##nagoyabirthclinic##nagoya##japanesefood##hospitalfoodreview##LifeInJapan##Csection##dayinmylife ♬ Lofi/Fashionable/Rose Piano/10 minutes(1455693) - nightbird_bgm

Needless to say, people were impressed.

“I wouldn't want to leave. Good food, baby nursery, facials to which Patrcis replied “Smae .It felt like ‘mommy camp.’”

“5 star maternity hotel is what it is.”

“I just love how progressive, considerate and healing the Japanese view and approach the birthing and recovery period.”

The underlying reason why Japanese and American approaches to childbirth differ so greatly could be due to fundamental cultural views. An article in PubMed states that while “autonomy is cherished in America,” Japan still adheres to more traditional gender roles, and maintains a “women-centered” approach to birth practices. Male partners often do not even help in labor. Additionally, Japan prioritizes natural births, believing it strengthens the bond between child and mother.

This system is, of course, not without its flaws due to those social norms, but in an ideal scenario, we would be able to blend both Western and Eastern modalities to create a birthing experience that truly caters to the needs of new mothers and prioritizes their healing journey.

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If you're grieving a loved one this holiday season, here's a gift you can give yourself

After losing her almost-4-year-old daughter to epilepsy, Kelly Cervantes created a "grief companion" that meets people wherever they are in their grief journey.

Images courtesy of Kelly Cervantes

Kelly Cervantes wrote her way through grieving the loss of her daughter, Adelaide.

As an Amazon Associate, Upworthy may earn proceeds from items purchased that are linked to this article, at no additional cost to you.

Kelly Cervantes begins the Introduction to her book with five words: "Grief sucks. It's also weird." It's a concise truth that anyone who has lost a loved one knows all too well.

Grief is a universal experience—none of us get through life without loss—but it's also unique to each person. Most of us are familiar with the popular "stages of grief" theory, but denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (along with guilt and a host of things) are less like sequential rungs on a ladder and more like pools you fall into at various times as you stumble your way through the grief process. Grief is not linear and it's not neat and tidy and it's not predictable.

Take it from someone who's been there. Kelly Cervantes lost her daughter, Adelaide, to epilepsy just shy of her 4th birthday. Using writing as a therapeutic tool to help her process Adelaide's medically complex life, death and everything that came after, Kelly created the book she wished she'd had as she was trying to navigate her own grieving process.

"Normal Broken: The Grief Companion for When It's Time To Heal But You're Not Sure You Want To" is a raw, honest, helpful and ultimately hopeful resource for anyone experiencing grief. Each chapter deals with a different aspect of grief, with chapter titles ranging from "When Getting Out of Bed Deserves a Medal" to "When Your Greatest Fear is Socializing to "When Gratitude is a Struggle" to "When You're Ready to Be Okay."

I sat down with Kelly for an Upworthy Book Club author chat about her book, and our discussion offers some glimpses into the experience and wisdom she shares in "Normal Broken." We talked about the loneliness that can come with grief, which is a weird thing considering the fact that it's something all of us experience at some point. As Kelly pointed out, sometimes that loneliness is because grief changes us and the people around us don't always accept that.

Watch:

We also chatted about how different people grieve differently, and how she and her husband Miguel's different grieving styles after Adelaide's death caused some tension between them for a while until Kelly learned how to "outsource" what she needed in her own grieving process.

"Normal Broken" is designed such that you can pick and choose which chapters to read in any order. If you're struggling with feelings of guilt, which is common after someone passes away, you can pick up Chapter 5: "When the Voice in the Back of Your Head Won't Shut Up." If you're feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, you can open up to Chapter 12: "When You're Feeling Emotionally Hungover" and find a friend who gets it.

The thing about grief is that nothing about it feels normal, but whatever you're experiencing in your grieving process probably is normal.

"One of the biggest lessons that I learned [writing about grief] was that I'm not that special," Kelly says. "And I mean that in the nicest way. I'm special in all the ways that Mr. Rogers and 'Sesame Street' taught me that I was. But what I experience, the way grief affects me—in that way, I am not special. My story is unique to me, but my manifestations of grief are not."

the cover of "Normal Broken"

"Normal Broken: The Grief Companion for When It's Time To Heal But You're Not Sure You Want To"

Courtesy of Kelly Cervantes

The holidays can be an especially difficult time for people who are missing a loved one. If that's you, give yourself the gift of insight and understanding from someone who's been through an immense loss. It's not a self-help book, it's not a book full of annoying advice—it's a companion that can help you put words to what you're feeling, sit with you in the darkness when that's what. you need, and help you feel okay about feeling okay when the time comes.

Find "Normal Broken" on Amazon here or Bookshop.org here.

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Widow who lost her husband soon after marriage shares valuable lessons about grief

#1: "Moving on" is a fallacy.

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A grieving widow shares lessons on how to live after loss.

True
Prudential

This article originally appeared on 02.14.17


Amelia and Manny made clear plans when they got married.

They planned to travel around the world. They planned what they’d want their family and their futures to look like. It was all so normal and real.

And then something they couldn't have planned for happened: Manny unexpectedly passed away soon after they'd tied the knot.

When the doctor in the emergency room told Amelia that it was time to say goodbye, she was in disbelief. "How do you even do that?" she wondered.

Instead of being a young, happy newlywed, Amelia became a young, grieving widow.

It turned her life upside down. In the months that followed, she could barely wake up and get out of bed, let alone put on clothes and walk to work. Every day felt harder than the last while the world continued on around her.

"I wanted so painfully for everything to just stop," Amelia said in an interview for Prudential's Masterpiece of Love series. "I was so tired. I just wanted it to stop." But it didn't stop. Life kept going and so did she, at times reluctantly.

Amelia has come out on the other side of the most difficult journey she could have imagined, and it's taught her a lot about herself, the grieving process, and how often life doesn't go as planned.

In hopes of helping others, Amelia wrote down eight things she learned about living after loss:

1. "Moving on" is a fallacy. Amelia prefers to call it "moving forward."

"Moving on" implies letting your person go, and that's an unrealistic expectation, Amelia wrote.

"Instead, you simply swim through it until the water clears up a little more, until the profundity of the depth is less terrifying, and until it feels a little easier, because you've gotten good at swimming."

Skydiving helped Amelia to commemorate the six-month anniversary of Manny's passing. "I guess some part of me felt like I could get closer to Manny somehow by stepping into the sky," she said.

2. "Try to remain open to life."

Amelia took a chance and met someone again who turned out to be a wonderful man. Having your heart broken again after loss is a nasty slap in the face, she wrote, but you should not let it shut you down.

"Practice kindness and graciousness when others are kind to you," she said, "and compassion when they aren't. That's a good practice for any relationship,."

3. Hers is not a "success story."

The peaceful person Amelia is today has "clawed, gasped, screamed and survived." She fell in love again and had a child, but those are not successes she can claim. She says that getting to raise her baby has been a wonderful blessing, and new life gives loss slightly more perspective. Every day, as her baby learns, she is reminded that life continues.

4. This is a big one: "Release any hostility or jealousy."

"Friends will get married and have children, celebrate anniversaries and successes, all while you are alone in the dark," she wrote. "They will forget to be sensitive to your heartache, or think that you're 'over it' enough so you won't mind if they gush. They might think that it's easier for you to show up with a smile than it really is. Let that go, too."

People are going to say the wrong things. They will say unbelievably tone-deaf things. It's important to not take hurtful words to heart, as hard as that can be. She advises trying to imagine a time when it will be easier to be happy for others again without feeling heartache yourself. Doing this will be healing.

5. "It will take longer than you expect."

Amelia wrote, "Because it doesn't go away, or stop, and because you don't get over it, that old heartache keeps creeping up long after you thought it should have gotten easier. Be compassionate with yourself. Life is not a round trip voyage; why should your grieving process be? You will get better at navigating the new normal."

6. "Only you know what you're really going through."

Amelia points to how well-meaning people will come out of the woodwork, desperate to tell you about when their somebody died, for three reasons:

One, they want to be helpful. Two, society shuns them from talking about their lost loved one and they want you to be a person whom they can commiserate with. Three, see number one.

Some people will say helpful things. But every grief is different. Every relationship is different. Every person who has passed is different, and every grieving person is different. If you grieve in your own way, you're doing it right.

7. "The right partner will actively keep the memory alive with you."

"Be careful not to get so swept up in escaping your grief that you choose someone who wants you to get over it," she wrote. "Don't you dare let anyone take your grief from you."

The right partner will hold your hand on the anniversaries (if that's what you want), will wish that they could have met your person, and will admire how you still love that person today.

8. And finally: "You can do this."

"There may be times you're pretty sure I'm wrong on this point," she wrote. "That's ok, rest when it's too hard. Find something — anything — and hang on like hell. These peaks and valleys gradually get less steep. It takes a long time, but they do. And there is sunshine again out there somewhere."

As many of us know, life often doesn't go according to plan.

It's still hard for Amelia every single day. But she says it also makes her experience things on a deeper level. Whether it’s raindrops on her skin or the feeling of breath going in and out of her lungs, everything is more vivid.

She says Manny's passing has a lot to do with that; he reminds her that every single day is a gift.

This article originally appeared on 02.14.17

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