Woman without arms shares the 3 ‘compliments’ she wished people would stop saying to her
“I could never.”
Jackie Lopez is eating soup and spouting her truth.
When she was three years old, Jackie Lopez lost her arms in an accident. Growing into adulthood without those appendages, she has learned and trained to use her legs as arms and her feet as her hands to feed herself, make meals, play video games, wrap Christmas gifts, and any other activity a person could do. Throughout her life, people have remarked about how tough her circumstances are and how strong she is, and to all of those people she has one request: Please stop.
“Because I don’t have arms, I get these comments a lot and a lot of people think it’s a compliment when it really isn’t. It’s so annoying and irritating to see and hear all the time,” Lopez explained on social media.
@minjacks [my audio got messed up ]this how I FEEL, maybe other disabled ppl don’t mind but i do. #foryou #disabilitytiktok #disabled #disabilityawareness #imjustagirl
In her video, Lopez shared the three most common comments she receives as a disabled person that aren’t outwardly or intentionally mean, but annoy and actually hurt her. She prefaced her video saying that, while these comments are mostly her pet peeve and other disabled folks may not mind them, it might be a good idea to not say these things to other disabled people either.
“I could never…”
Lopez shared how hearing people say “I could never be like you/use my feet like you/live like you/etc.” really annoyed her because she had no other option but to use her feet as her hands. Saying “I could never” can be interpreted as a form of othering, even though the intention of the comment was good.
“Oh, my problems are suddenly small.”/ “I should stop complaining about my life.”
Lopez shared that this type of comment made her feel guilty, both for herself and for those who say it to her. She explains that just because an able-bodied person’s problems are different, it doesn't invalidate them. Her having no arms doesn’t make the able-bodied person’s problems go away or mean those problems should be unaddressed.
“Girl, just complain,” said Lopez. “If I were you and I had hands, best believe I would complain, too.”
@minjacks how i play my switch 🎀🎮✨. #foryou #latina #chapina #armlessgirl #disability #disabilitytiktok #howtotiktok #girlgamer #GamerGirl #nintendo #nintendoswitch #nintendoswitcholed #oledswitch
“God gives the hardest struggle to the strongest people.”
This comment really annoyed and hurt Lopez, especially when she was growing up in the church. Aside from the presumption of faith with a comment like this, the framing of it makes it seem like Lopez’s disability was destined or given as some form of divine “test” after going through a life-altering experience.
“Keep your belief to yourself and don’t put it on me,” she asked. “I went through this, not you.”
Other comments and thoughts
Commenters noted how impressed they were by what Lopez could do with her feet, while other commenters immediately replied to them with versions of, “This is the type of stuff she’s talking about.” In spite of that, several other commenters cosigned Lopez’s feelings with some of them sharing “kind” comments that bothered them:
“While you’re sitting commenting that you ‘couldn’t imagine’ living her life, she’s eating soup and making a TikTok like any other person.”
“I hate when people say ‘You're such an inspiration’ like in what way have I inspired you? Are you trying to become disabled?”
“‘Suddenly my problems are small’, translation ‘I’m happy that I’m not like you and I see you as your struggles.’”
“‘You’re so strong, I just would’ve died’ Like, oh, okay, so you’d rather choose death than what I went through? What should I do with that information?”
“Those are very valid points. People need to be more considerate about what they say.”
“‘I could never.’ Well yeah, it didn't happen to you, it happened to her and as we can all see she could and can. You aren't obliged to make fantasy scenarios to be horrified at.”
“I get so annoyed for you. Even in this current comment section people are saying similar-ish things.”
“Some of them come from a place of kindness, but like you said, it gets to a point where you need to stop infantilizing and pitying every single disabled person you meet by reminding them that their life and their normal is different to everyone else’s.”
Lopez's video went viral, encouraging her to make a second one with even more "compliments" or "nice" comments that she frequently hears that aren't boosting or helpful at all.
@minjacks if u ain’t disabled stop telling me how i should feel bout these comments. #foryou #disabilitytiktok #disabled #disabilityawareness #imjustagirl
She ends her video saying that those types of comments have formed into a type of ableism—and she has a point based on anecdotes from others who are blind, paralyzed, or are otherwise differently-abled. Based on hearing these experiences, it's best for everyone to stop, slow down, and take an intentional beat to consider their words before saying them—even if they have the best intentions.