Erik Barnes

At one point or another, most of us fantasize about having a different life. This could range from trying out that dream career to living in an entirely different time period. Whether it’s through our social media feeds, movies, television shows, or books we read, there are certain things that have become romanticized tropes that frankly aren’t as great as one imagines.

There are folks out there who have experienced the things you have fantasized about and brought up concerns you may have overlooked while wearing the rose-tinted glasses. Upon hearing their experiences, you might reconsider what you perceive as a better life for yourself and find you're better off where you currently are.

Here are eleven situations that people and the media tend to romanticize, but shouldn’t:

1. “Being a farmer”

“Farming is difficult. It's back braking. It's risky. These are the reasons my boomer parents, who were raised on farms, did not stay on them. I believe small and independent farms and local food production is extraordinarily important. We do need to help sustain the back-to-farm movement. But we shouldn't romanticize it.”

2. “Freelancing”

“1. Instead of working for a boss, you work for several bosses.

2. Doing taxes is a mess (if you’re an U.S. citizen)

3. Fluctuating income.”

3. “Owning and operating a bed and breakfast”

“I worked in one for a few years. It’s like being a prisoner in your own home. Guest requests early breakfast, cool. Other guest had a flight delayed, ok. Left me with a sweet four hours to sleep. That’s before cooking and cleaning. Unbelievable amount of work.”

4. “Wedding debt”

“I know a couple who almost got divorced because of this. Two years after the wedding they were still paying for it.”

5. “A majority of history”

“Being Black and hearing people talk about how it may have been like living in an era before the 90s always makes me have a headache. I like having the rights my grandparents fought for.”

6. “Working in healthcare”

“Not even considering the grossness that is just part of your job, being in any role that truly is about ‘saving lives’ also means you will inevitably have to face the experience of being there when someone loses their life.”

7. “Overworking/hustle culture”

“I know someone who puts ‘no days off’ in their social media bio and it's so annoying because I know it’s a lie. It’s always well-off people who romanticize overworking.”

8. “Being married to a celebrity”

“Could you imagine being in that much of the limelight all the time, how horrible and criticized over everything in the media?”

9. “Living any time in the past that didn't have running water or toilet paper”

“People imagine, if there was a time travel option, they'd be able to take modern knowledge with them. Guess what, no internet, no international trade, tell your blacksmith how to build a generator and he wouldn't have much clue, or the resources if he did. Modern society is us standing on the shoulders of giants.”

10. “Also, war”

“Nobody who's been on a bloody front line will ever tell you it was great.”

Why do we romanticize?

So, why do we tend to fall into romanticizing traps or think that the grass is always greener on the other side? Well, it’s multifaceted. In terms of changing a career or a lifestyle, many of us only see the positives that are shown on social media. It’s the same with the entertainment we consume in film and television, too. Because we only see the “thriving” parts, we’re not privy to the struggles or consequences of those life choices—many of which are similar to or worse than what you’re currently experiencing.

This also goes for reminiscing or wishing you lived in a different time period. Through nostalgia, selective memory, or seeing a well-edited documentary about a time period, one can easily think that life then would be better. Many, including Bill Gates, thinks this is untrue. There is data that shows that, even though the world is still a mess, experts say the present day is the best time to be alive in terms of mortality, economics, human rights, and general comfort compared to the past.

Romanticizing certain situations and time periods in life tend to rob you of what’s good in your present. If a person takes a moment to enjoy the good things in their current life alongside the challenges, they may have better satisfaction with where they are and what currently “is.” If you try this and notice that there still needs to be change, you may want to seek professional advice from either a vetted licensed therapist, career counselor, or life coach to see what is keeping you from enjoying the good in the now.

With time and effort, it’s possible to find the balance of progressing towards change without discarding the good, the stable, and the known of "now."