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I'm teaching my 6- and 7-year-old boys about consent. Here's how it's gone so far.

parenting, consent, education, sexuality, community
Photo by saeed karimi on Unsplash

The scenarios of parenting have many hurdles in order to offer a healthy way of approaching life.

The second week of first grade, my 6-year-old son came home and told me, very seriously, "Mama, I have a girlfriend, and I love her."

I didn't laugh at him or tell him he is too young to have a girlfriend, and I didn't minimize his feelings. We had a very serious conversation about his girlfriend: what he likes about her, what they talk about at lunch, and what games they play on the playground at recess. I asked questions about her; some he knew the answers to, and some he didn't.

Nearly every day after that for some time, we talked about his girlfriend, and in every conversation, in some way, we talked about consent — what it means, what it looks like, and how I expect him to act.

I didn't objectify the little girl by referring to her as "your little girlfriend" as I've heard other adults tease their own children. I didn't make jokes about him being a heartbreaker or tell him that the girls will be falling all over him by high school. I didn't tell him his feelings don't matter — and I definitely didn't tell him her feelings don't matter. I think the seeds of misogyny are planted with words as much as behavior, and I treated his emotions seriously because, for him, being in love for the first time is the most serious thing in the world. He will remember this little girl just as I remember my first boyfriend, and how I handle things now is setting the tone for the future.

I wasn't expecting to have these conversations in the context of a relationship quite so soon.

His older brother is more introverted, with the exception of the occasional fleeting crush. But I have been talking about consent and modeling it since my sons were babies.

The idea that young men need to learn about consent in high school or college goes hand-in-hand with the idea that sex education shouldn't be taught before then, either. Consent is an ongoing conversation in our home, framed to suit the situation. But now that my son has a girlfriend, I'm finding ways to introduce the concept of consent within a relationship on a level that he can understand.

From the time my sons were very little — before they could even talk — I started teaching them about body autonomy and consent.

"Do you want me to tickle you?" "Can I pick you up?" "Do you want me to brush your hair?"

I would ask whenever I could, waiting for their response before proceeding. Yes, of course, there are times when a young child needs to be picked up or hair needs to be brushed whether they want it or not, but there are just as many times when children can be given — and deserve — the right to choose. And so I let them decide whenever I can.

Teaching them that no one can touch them without permission was the first step in teaching them about respecting the boundaries of others.

I model the respect I expect them to extend to others. It is an ongoing lesson, as the most important lessons always are.

Of course they fight — what siblings don't? But I teach them that, whatever the game or activity, if someone says "Stop!" or "No!" they are to stop what they are doing.

To that end, I try to stay out of their squabbles and give them time to sort them out. If they don't stop, there are consequences. We talk about how it feels to have someone keep chasing, tickling, or bothering you when you've told them to stop. I watch their empathy for others grow as they consider how it feels to be little and have grownups want to touch their faces or hug them without permission. They're learning, and it gives me hope.

But now I'm having daily conversations with my youngest son about girlfriends and what is — and isn't — OK.

He knows he has to ask if she wants a hug before he touches her. He knows that it's rude to refer to her as "my girlfriend" when talking about her and that it's better, and more respectful, to use her name.

He knows that if he gives her a gift, he should give her a chance to respond instead of inundating her with more gifts. "Let's wait and see how she feels about this lovely picture you made her before you draw another one," I tell him, explaining how overwhelming it can be to have someone give you gifts when you're not ready for them or haven't had a chance to return the affection. Of course, I'm thinking about the boy I knew my junior year of high school who would constantly leave me trinkets of his affection at my locker — affection that wasn't reciprocated and made me uncomfortable, especially after I asked him to stop.

I don't know if I'm doing this right, honestly.

There are times when I think to myself, "But he's only 6! Why are we even having this conversation?" And then I remind myself, "If not now, when?"

I know what it means to be a girl in this world, and my sons are starting to hear my #MeToo stories, the ones they're old enough to understand. How do I talk about what's wrong in the world if I'm not willing to talk about the right behaviors, the right way to treat women?

I know my sons have a good role model in their father and in our marriage. I know they watch how my husband interacts with me, and I see it reflected in how they treat me. It's a start, but I know it's not enough in a world that sends mixed messages to boys about girls and how to treat them.

It's been eye-opening, seeing how my children regard consent.

I've seen how those early lessons in teaching them about their own right to say no have gone a long way in teaching them the empathy and respect they show for others now.

I know we're not done; we're only just starting. I know it's only going to get more complicated as they get older.

But at the end of the day, no matter their age, the core lesson is the same: respect people, care about how they are feeling in your interactions with them, and remember that others have a right to feel differently than you do and to set boundaries for what is OK with them. The situations will change, but those words will be repeated again and again.

Teaching consent is not a one-time discussion. It's something I want my sons to think about every single day.

This story originally appeared on Ravishly and is reprinted here with permission. More from Ravishly:

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    Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

    Even in divided times, small acts of friendship help create vibrant communities where everyone feels safe.

    Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.
    Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
    Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
    True

    In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.

    “When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.

    “I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.

    Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.

    Understanding the journey

    Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

    Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.

    A warm welcome

    Dee and Omary's son, Osman

    Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

    “She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

    Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

    “She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

    Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

    “Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

    More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

    “That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”

    Extending the welcome

    Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.

    Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

    “Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.

    Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.

    “Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.

    “I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”

    Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.

    This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

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    Education

    How to keep your mouth shut in conversations when you know you should really stay quiet

    Most people never regret just staying silent.

    quiet, finger over lips, don't talk, keep it to yourself, silence
    via Canva/Photos

    A woman with her finger over her mouth.

    It can be hard to stay quiet when you feel like you just have to speak your mind. But sometimes it's not a great idea to share your opinions on current events with your dad or tell your boss where they're wrong in a meeting. And having a bit of self-control during a fight with your spouse is a good way to avoid apologizing the next morning.

    Further, when we fight the urge to talk when it's not necessary, we become better listeners and give others a moment in the spotlight to share their views. Building that small mental muscle to respond to events rather than react can make all the difference in social situations.

    argument, coworkers, angry coworkers, hostile work enviornment, disagreement A woman is getting angry at her coworker.via Canva/Photos

    What is the WAIT method?

    One way people have honed the skill of holding back when they feel the burning urge to speak up is the WAIT method, an acronym for the question you should ask yourself in that moment: "Why Am I Talking?" Pausing to consider the question before you open your mouth can shift your focus from "being heard" to "adding value" to any conversation.

    The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic has some questions we should consider after taking a WAIT moment:

    • What is my intention behind what I am about to say?
    • What question can I ask to better understand what the other person is saying?
    • Is my need to talk an attempt to divert the attention to me?
    • How might I become comfortable with silence rather than succumb to my urge to talk?

    tape over muth, sielnce, be quiet, mouth shut, saying nothing A man with tape over his mouth.via Canva/Photos

    The WAIT method is a good way to avoid talking too much. In work meetings, people who overtalk risk losing everyone's attention and diluting their point to the extent that others aren't quite sure what they were trying to say. Even worse, they can come across as attention hogs or know-it-alls. Often, the people who get to the heart of the matter succinctly are the ones who are noticed and respected.

    Just because you're commanding the attention of the room doesn't mean you're doing yourself any favors or helping other people in the conversation.

    The WAIT method is also a great way to give yourself a breather and let things sit for a moment during a heated, emotional discussion. It gives you a chance to cool down and rethink your goals for the conversation. It can also help you avoid saying something you regret.

    fight, spuse disagreement, communications skills, upset husband, argument A husband is angry with his wife. via Canva/Photos

    How much should I talk in a meeting?

    So if it's a work situation, like a team meeting, you don't want to be completely silent. How often should you speak up?

    Cary Pfeffer, a speaking coach and media trainer, shared an example of the appropriate amount of time to talk in a meeting with six people:

    "I would suggest a good measure would be three contributions over an hour-long meeting from each non-leader participant. If anyone is talking five/six/seven times you are over-participating! Allow someone else to weigh in, even if that means an occasional awkward silence. Anything less seems like your voice is just not being represented, and anything over three contributions is too much."

    Ultimately, the WAIT method is about taking a second to make sure you're not just talking to hear yourself speak. It helps ensure that you have a clear goal for participating in the conversation and that you're adding value for others. Knowing when and why to say something is the best way to make a positive contribution and avoid shooting yourself in the foot.

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    Resurfaced video of French skier's groin incident has people giving the announcer a gold medal

    "The boys took a beating on that one."

    skiing, skier, downhill ski race, alpine skiing, super-g
    Representative photo credit: Canva

    Downhill skiing is a sport rife with injuries, but not usually this kind.

    A good commentator can make all the difference when watching sports, even when an event goes smoothly. But it's when something goes wrong that great announcers rise to the top. There's no better example of a great announcer in a surprise moment than when French skier Yannick Bertrand took a gate to the groin in a 2007 super-G race.

    Competitive skiers fly down runs at incredible speeds, often exceeding 60 mph. Hitting something hard at that speed would definitely hurt, but hitting something hard with a particularly sensitive part of your body would be excruciating. So when Bertrand slammed right into a gate family-jewels-first, his high-pitched scream was unsurprising. What was surprising was the perfect commentary that immediately followed.

    This is a clip you really just have to see and hear to fully appreciate:

    - YouTube youtu.be

    It's unclear who the announcer is, even after multiple Google inquiries, which is unfortunate because that gentleman deserves a medal. The commentary gets better with each repeated viewing, with highlights like:

    "The gate the groin for Yannick Bertrand, and you could hear it. And if you're a man, you could feel it."

    "Oh, the Frenchman. Oh-ho, monsieurrrrrr."

    "The boys took a beating on that one."

    "That guy needs a hug."

    "Those are the moments that change your life if you're a man, I tell you what."

    "When you crash through a gate, when you do it at high rate of speed, it's gonna hurt and it's going to leave a mark in most cases. And in this particular case, not the area where you want to leave a mark."

    Imagine watching a man take a hit to the privates at 60 mph and having to make impromptu commentary straddling the line between professionalism and acknowledging the universal reality of what just happened. There are certain things you can't say on network television that you might feel compelled to say. There's a visceral element to this scenario that could easily be taken too far in the commentary, and the inherent humor element could be seen as insensitive and offensive if not handled just right.

    The announcer nailed it. 10/10. No notes.

    The clip frequently resurfaces during the Winter Olympic Games, though the incident didn't happen during an Olympic event. Yannick Bertrand was competing at the FIS World Cup super-G race in Kvitfjell, Norway in 2007, when the unfortunate accident occurred. Bertrand had competed at the Turin Olympics the year before, however, coming in 24th in the downhill and super-G events.

    As painful as the gate to the groin clearly as, Bertrand did not appear to suffer any damage that kept him from the sport. In fact, he continued competing in international downhill and super-G races until 2014.

    skiing, skier, downhill ski race, alpine skiing, super-g Alpine skiing is a notoriously dangerous sport. Photo credit: Canva

    According to a 2018 study, Alpine skiing is a notoriously dangerous sport with a reported injury rate of 36.7 per 100 World Cup athletes per season. Of course, it's the knees and not the coin purse that are the most common casualty of ski racing, which we saw clearly in U.S. skier Lindsey Vonn's harrowing experiences at the 2026 Olympics. Vonn was competing with a torn ACL and ended up being helicoptered off of the mountain after an ugly crash that did additional damage to her legs, requiring multiple surgeries (though what caused the crash was reportedly unrelated to her ACL tear). Still, she says she has no regrets.

    As Bertrand's return to the slopes shows, the risk of injury doesn't stop those who live for the thrill of victory, even when the agony of defeat hits them right in the rocks.

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    Wellness

    Scientists discovered a fascinating trick to feeling like you slept great even if you didn't

    "Placebo sleep" can be extremely powerful.

    sleep, sleep tricks, sleeping techniques, science, scientific research, placebo effect, placebo
    Photo credit: Canva

    Tired man (left); energized man (right)

    The benefits of getting a good night's sleep are too vast to name. Sleep is as essential for our brains as food and water are for our bodies. If you're not getting enough, sleeping better has been shown to elevate your mood, improve your memory, and even boost your physical health. And then there's the obvious: when you don't sleep well, you'll have less energy and generally perform worse on tasks that require any kind of effort or thought.

    However, we're all human, and, sometimes, humans sleep terribly. Your infant might wake you up, or a car alarm might go off outside, interrupting your regularly-scheduled REM. It's not always our fault when we don't sleep well, but there might be an interesting way to fix it.

    A study from 2014 may have demonstrated the existence of something called "placebo sleep," or tricking your brain into believing you slept better than you did.

    sleep, sleep tricks, sleeping techniques, science, scientific research, placebo effect, placebo a man sitting at a desk with his head on his arms Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

    The placebo effect, of course, has been studied relentlessly over the years and has shown that the human body can do amazing, almost impossible things, when the brain gets on board. The classic example is when symptoms of disease get measurably better after a patient takes a "fake" pill. Another study out of Harvard showed that people who were told their jobs qualified as exercise showed improved health and fitness markers compared to people who did the same job. Placebos even work when the person knows they're taking a placebo. It's called an "honest placebo" and is considered a legitimate, ethical treatment method for many ailments.

    The researchers in 2014 wanted to find out if the placebo effect could also apply to sleep. So, they lectured a group of participants about the importance of REM sleep and how it can effect cognitive functioning. The participants were then split into two groups and monitored overnight while they slept. The next morning, one group was told they achieved 28.7% REM sleep, which is terrific, and the other group was told they only spent 16.2% of their sleep time in REM, which is below average. The numbers, however, were complete fiction.

    Stunningly, the participants who believed they achieved top quality sleep performed better the next day on a series of arithmetic and word association tests compared to the other groups.

    In their conclusion, the authors wrote, "These findings supported the hypothesis that mindset can influence cognitive states in both positive and negative directions, suggesting a means of controlling one's health and cognition."

    According to Smithsonian Magazine, follow up experiments confirmed the findings.

    The key to feeling great and performing as if you had a great night's sleep may lie in simply believing that you did.

    There are a lot of ways to "placebo your sleep" in order to generate that belief. For starters, you can adopt a new routine or technique or even supplement in order to prime your brain.

    John Cline Ph.D. asserts for Psychology Today that the popularity of sleeping aids like melatonin may be tied less to the fact that they work, and more to the fact that people believe they work. But you don't need to take any supplements or medications. Having a slow evening wind down with a book and an herbal tea, trying a new sleeping position, or practicing some measured breathing might work just as well. Or, rather, they might work precisely because you believe they will.

    sleep, sleep tricks, sleeping techniques, science, scientific research, placebo effect, placebo Can a warm cup of tea help you sleep better? If you believe it, then yes. Photo by Dana Ciurumelea on Unsplash

    You could take the concept a step further and alter your morning routine on nights you know for a fact you didn't sleep well. Perhaps it's by using a new coffee brand, doing some stretches before getting out of bed, or meditating before starting your day. Anything that you truly believe might help make you more alert and focused may just work.

    One viral social media sleep trend capitalizes on this research perfectly. Researchers have shown that forcing your mouth into a smile has been shown to improve your mood. Turns out, similarly, you may be able to get sleepy by pretending to be super tired. Psychologist Erica Terblanche calls it the "alpha bridge," and it involves gently closing your eyes, fluttering them open just a tad, and then closing them again as you relax and breath. It simulates the feeling of "nodding off" and is said to create the alpha brainwaves that transition your brain from wakefulness to sleep. It's another clever way of tricking your own brain.


    @erica.terblanche

    Here's a skill to help you fall asleep on an airplane or anywhere else for that matter. . Its called going over the Alpha Bridge. #EricaTerblanche #ThriveGuru #motivation #sleeping

    It sounds cheesy, but the power of mindset and positive thinking is truly tremendous. Our beliefs and thought patterns can greatly influence our body, our behavior, and our mood. Sometimes, our mindset can even be stronger than actual reality. Now we have the data to prove that it applies to our precious sleep, too.

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    Psychologists say there are 4 types of introverts. These are the personality traits of each one.

    The four types of introverts: Social, Thinking, Anxious, and Restrained.

    introvert, introvers, types of introverts, introverted, introvert types, 4 introvert types
    Photo credit: Canva

    A woman sits in a chair reading a book.

    Introverts can have many personality stereotypes. Many people assume they are quiet homebodies who prefer alone time, but not all introverts are the same.

    Psychologist Jonathan M. Cheek, along with his colleagues Jennifer Grimes and Julie Norem at Wellesley College, presented findings in a 2011 study identifying four types of introverts: Social, Thinking, Anxious, and Restrained (STAR).

    "Many people assume introversion is fixed, but introversion is on a spectrum," Chloë Bean, a somatic trauma therapist in Los Angeles, told Upworthy.

    - YouTube www.youtube.com

    Essentially, there is no one-size-fits-all type of introvert.

    "It can shift depending on life phase, your stress level, burnout, support system, and trauma history," Bean said. "What looks like 'being introverted' is sometimes the nervous system doing it's job, protecting you especially when you're feeling overwhelmed or need to connect with yourself more."

    Four types of introverts

    In an interview with The Cut, Cheek explained that these introvert "types" are more like "shades," and that introverts are often a mix of each one. Here's what you need to know about each type of introvert:

    introvert, introverts, being introverted, social introvert, introverts hanging out Three women sit on a blanket in the park. Photo credit: Canva

    Social introverts

    Bean noted that social introverts may be selective about who they connect with. They enjoy spending time with others but need downtime to recover.

    "They prefer to stay home with a book or a computer, or to stick to small gatherings with close friends, as opposed to attending large parties with many strangers," Cheek explained.

    How to tell if it's you:

    "You may tend to lose a lot of energy when socializing in large groups even when they're fun and prefer one-on-one time," said Bean. "You may feel more regulated with one person at a time, as you can feel overstimulated with more than one person at a time."

    Thinking introverts

    Thinking introverts are internally rich, deep, and active but appear quiet on the outside, Bean noted. They spend a lot of time reflecting, imagining, creating, or analyzing.

    "You're capable of getting lost in an internal fantasy world," Cheek said. "But it's not in a neurotic way, it's in an imaginative and creative way."

    How to tell if it's you:

    "You feel energized and excited by ideas but you feel exhausted when there is constant feedback and stimulation externally," Bean explained. "You need time to be with your thoughts to come to your conclusion so staying with your inner voice and process is supportive because you can get easily distracted by others' thoughts and opinions."

    @onlyjayus

    The 4 Types Of Introverts

    Anxious introverts

    Bean said that anxious introverts deal with anxiety and avoidance driven by fear, as the body anticipates rejection or not being accepted socially.

    How to tell if it's you:

    "You might replay conversations, dread upcoming plans and cancel them when the tension and anxiety gets too strong," Bean shared. "This is often less about your personality and more about your nervous system feeling dysregulated by thoughts about socializing."

    Restrained introverts

    Restrained introverts are highly observant, take time to warm up to others, and are cautious about who they spend their energy with, Bean explained.

    How to tell if it's you:

    "It might take you some time to feel like you can trust others and feel safe enough to speak up," Bean said. "You might also avoid being put on the spot or being the center of attention."

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    Teacher demonstrates simple but powerful 'common ground' vs. 'find a problem' conversation hack

    Made for kids, necessary for adults.

    conflict resolution, conflict resolution for kids, finding common ground, conversation tips, ending an argument, substitute teacher
    via @brightsignslearning/TikTok, used with permission

    A teacher shared how encouraging her student to find common ground instantly stopped an argument

    Tennessee-based educator Shelby Rideout was substituting for a third-grade class when she noticed two young girls, who were otherwise “really sweet, fun, kind,” start arguing with one another. The solution she found to instantly ease that conflict was surprisingly simple.

    She encouraged them to “Look for some common ground.”

    Without missing a beat, the girls were able to make one connection after another (“Jesus” and “Ethiopian food,” in this case) without any further guidance from Rideout. Within minutes, they went from bickering to “hootin’ and hollerin’ and laughing.”

    Rideout shared this story to her TikTok, with the message that: “It is literally that simple. I feel like we’re a world where everyone is looking for a problem…why not look for how to get along?”

    @brightsignslearning #teachersoftiktok #storytime #foru #kindness #kids ♬ original sound - brightsignslearning

    “I don't care if it’s just that you both like peaches,” she quipped. “That’s a start. That’s how we start.”

    In an interview with Today, Rideout even argued that this method of finding common ground is how we ease conflict in the adult world. “Whether someone leans left or right,” she said, “most people are motivated by the same goal: to make things better.”

    Several viewers even proved this point by sharing some of their own positive anecdotes that came from incorporating this mindset into their everyday lives.

    “I was an elected official for 24 years. I used a version of your solution often, especially with elected officials of the other party,” one person wrote.

    Another added: “I made a conscious decision to befriend a co-worker who I was really struggling with. I started going out of my way to extend extra kindness to them. We now get along beautifully!”

    In this day and age, it’s easy to forget that most people are not as far apart as they think. Thankfully, they just need a starting point that reminds them of their shared humanity.

    If you want to try Rideout’s "common ground" approach in your own life, here are a few simple ways to start.

    conflict resolution, conflict resolution for kids, finding common ground, conversation tips, ending an argument, substitute teacher Two women engaging in a pleasant conversation inside a coffee shopPhoto credit: Canva

    First, ask open-ended questions. Instead of focusing on what you disagree about, ask about hobbies, favorite foods, music, or weekend plans. Shared interests often appear quickly when the conversation is relaxed.

    Second, listen for common values. Even when opinions differ, people often care about the same underlying goals, such as safety, fairness, family, or community. Naming those shared values can shift the tone of a conversation.

    Third, keep it small. Common ground does not have to be profound. Maybe you both love a certain coffee shop. Maybe you both dread Monday mornings. Small points of connection can build trust over time.

    Fourth, lead with kindness. A smile, a compliment, or a moment of patience can make someone more willing to meet you halfway. Kindness often opens the door to connection.

    Finally, remember that, as Rideout mentioned, common ground is a beginning, not a solution to every problem. You can still disagree. You can still set boundaries. But starting from a place of shared understanding makes it easier to move forward with respect.

    conflict resolution, conflict resolution for kids, finding common ground, conversation tips, ending an argument, substitute teacher Two men engaging in a peaceful disagreement.Photo credit: Canva

    Bottom line: Rideout’s classroom moment is a reminder that the tools for better communication are often simple and accessible. Two third graders found their way back to laughter by naming what they shared. Adults can do the same.

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