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Mom shows 9-year-old how to leave uncomfortable conversations and it's advice everyone should hear

You don't need to let someone make you uncomfortable.

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A young girl with her hand over her mouth.

Few things are more uncomfortable than sitting like a deer in the headlights while someone pushes you into an incredibly awkward conversation. Whether it’s a TMI (too much information) conversation or they want to talk about politics or religion, it’s hard to tell someone that a subject is off-limits.

However, in a viral Instagram post, Charisse Sims makes an essential point about these awkward situations: It will be uncomfortable whether you tell them to change the subject or if you have to sit through the conversation. So it’s better to take the option that’s less hurtful to you. Sims is a mother of six and the host of the Parenting for the Culture podcast. She is also an awarded Educator by PBS and PBS Kids.

How do you leave uncomfortable conversations?

She shared the advice while talking to her 9-year-old daughter, who she could tell felt very awkward about a recent conversation. “Immediately, when she started having that conversation, I could see on your face that you felt uncomfortable,” Sims told her daughter in an Instagram Reel. “When you have that feeling, your response to them should be, ‘I feel uncomfortable in this conversation. Let's talk about something else.”


Sims then asked her daughter to repeat the phrase a few times to burn it into her brain for when she needed it. Her daughter then admitted that telling someone to change the conversation would be difficult. Most people probably agree that telling people you’d like to change the subject is uncomfortable.

However, Sims makes a great point. You will be uncomfortable both ways, so choose the one that best suits you.

“Which one is a longer discomfort, taking 10 seconds to say, ‘I feel uncomfortable in this conversation. Can we talk about something else?” Sims asked. “Or, sitting in a 20- to 30-minute conversation that you feel uncomfortable in?”

stop, woman, woman says stop, talk to hand, hand out, stop hand, conversation, awkwardA woman holding her hand out saying "stop."via Canva/Photos

“It is uncomfortable telling people stop. It is uncomfortable being like, ‘I don't really like what you're doing,’ because you're worried you're going to hurt their feelings, and you want them to like you,” Sims continued. “But it's also uncomfortable to sit there and be uncomfortable for a long time. So choose your discomfort, and choose the one that's going to help you, not hurt you.”

Candace Smith, antiquette expert, says it’s also helpful if you have another topic on deck that the person may be interested in to make the transition smoother for both parties. “When you think it’s time to let the other person know you will change the subject, be positive, and smile. Keep your eye contact warm and direct,” she says, before giving an example: “I’m going to change our subject here. Let’s talk about something cool like the Marvel movie!”

shhh, shush, finger over mouth, girl saying quiet, end of conversation, finger over mouthA young girl making a "quiet" motion. via Canva/Photos

Sims' advice is important because it’s something that all of us, adults included, could use next time they are forced into an uncomfortable situation. Her advice is a great tool for making sound decisions when we feel awkward and unable to think on our feet. “I wish when I was growing up, I was taught more how to navigate tricky situations rather than just being told to stay out of them,” Sims wrote in her post. “As simple as that is, It’s not always that easy. Our children need more support and actual practice navigating these awkward situations.”

This article originally appeared in April.

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17 life hacks that are 'so good' people almost didn't want to share. But thankfully, they did.

Some tricks for winning arguments, stopping Karens, and finding your car keys.

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A man and woman flirting at a party.

Have you ever had a secret trick that you didn’t want to share with anyone? Some families have recipes they are sworn never to share with outsiders. Other folks have tricks they use at work that give them a competitive advantage that could be used against them if they let it out of the bag. Other people use secret techniques to be likable but fear being seen as manipulative if they share them.

Everyone has their own “secret sauce” that makes them unique. A couple of hundred of them were very kind and shared those secret life hacks on a recent social media post where someone asked, “What’s a life hack so good you almost don’t want to share it?” They received over 3500 responses, and we culled the best from them to make our readers’ lives easier.

The advice covers everything from how to win an argument to finding precious metals at your local second-hand store. The life hacks that are “so good” also include ways to prevent potentially aggravating people from getting in your face and the power of learning how to smile.



Here are 17 life hacks that are “so good” that people almost didn’t want to share them. (Thankfully, they did.)

1. That's where it goes

"If you look for something and it's not in the first place you look, THAT IS THE PLACE WHERE IT GOES. So when you find it, put it in the first place you looked for it."

2. How to argue (from a lawyer)

"When arguing about something, ask what their interests ('why' they want/don’t want something) are rather than their position. Usually, it’s easier to come to an agreement if you approach a conflict from this angle. Also, conceding a minor point during the argument 'you’re right about x' and 'I don’t disagree with y' tends to lessen the guard of your opposition and thus making it easier to get what you want out of them."

"I just saw something similar to this. If you and another person are arguing over who gets a lemon, you’ll eventually agree to just cut it in half. But if you ask why they want the lemon, you’ll find out one person wants to juice it and one person wants the skin for zest for a recipe, so each party can have 100% of what they want if they just take the time to see the 'why' of the other person."

"Whenever arguing with someone and it's going round and round trying to come up with a compromise, ask 'what does a solution look like to you?' Half the time they got no clue the other half is something you willing to compromise. It has cut down every single argument in my relationship."


3. How to stop a 'Karen' in their tracks

"I work as a receptionist, and my supervisor always asks me how our guests like me even if they are rude to other staff. My trick is when someone is checking in that looks like a typical Karen I always give them a compliment like 'where did you get your nails done? They are so pretty!' It usually works."

"I used be in maintenance for a huge school district. Whenever I was sent to a school where the office staff had a reputation for being cranky complainy crabby pants, I had a whole song and dance I'd run through when I got there. I'd walk into the office with a big smile, acting like the nicest person in the world, just a big dumb puppy who has no idea this is a "crabby admin" school. Then, when the timing is right, I'd let slip the casual comment of 'I really like coming to this school, everyone is so nice!' It's like a magic spell. The grumpuses always tried to live up to my unrealistic view of them, and were always at least reasonable, if not downright pleasant. It always felt like cheating, but really all I was doing was setting an example they wanted to follow."

4. Buy the same socks

"Find a pair of socks you really like. Buy like.... 40 pairs. Throw out your other socks. Now you can just grab any two socks and have a pair. Get a hole in one? Throw it out. You still have tons of others of the same."



5. The 3 hobbies rules

"I was thinking about what I need to be happy, and came to the conclusion that I need 3 hobbies: one creative, one physical, and one social. For social, I do board game nights weekly. This ensures I have something planned for the week to look forward to. For physical, I go to the gym, which, to be honest, I hate and have always hated, so I took up bouldering too. This is a great hobby because it can also be very social, and it's also just fun. And for creative, I dabble in things like drawing, knitting, and other needlework. I also throw in reading here too, because it can make you think and imagine. If you play D&D, this can also combine with social. I've been extremely happy since figuring out for myself. I've always had a list of hobbies I want to try, but this helps me organize them."

6. Learn how to smile

"A genuine looking— and I say looking because it doesn’t need to actually be genuine, smile. It will disarm people making them more comfortable around you, you’ll be more likely to get dates, you’ll be more likely to get jobs, you’ll be more likely to make friends, your dating profile will look better, your wedding pics will look better, hell your social media will look better. Learn how to smile. Look it up on YouTube."



7. The bathroom test

"Being in the restaurant business for over 20 years now, if you go into a restaurant and their bathrooms are dirty, then get out of there. It means most likely, of course, not always, that their kitchen is just as dirty. If the general manager doesn’t care about what the guests can see, he’s definitely not caring about what the guest can’t see and that gets you such a higher chance of food poisoning."

8. Wake up a little earlier

"Getting up consistently to start your day at a reasonable hour - regardless of intent to go anywhere or do anything - really does give you extra time in the week to get sh*t done."

9. How to make someone like you

"To get someone to like you, ask them two questions, then after the second one, validate their response. Repeat. That's it. It's alarmingly effective. Just ask them any question about something they seem like they might want to talk about. hobbies or job or whatever. if you dont know anything about them, ask about the best place they've traveled, or would like to go if they haven't traveled. then, whatever they say, just ask a follow-up question about it. Then whatever they say to that, just say something positive that supports their opinion. it can be as simple as 'that seems really cool' or something more specific that shows you've been listening and agree/support them."

10. Visualize your life

"Ask yourself what your ideal happy life would look like, and then isolate each aspect as an objective to work towards, always breaking down larger goals into smaller doable steps. Makes things seem less daunting and gives you feasable objectives to work towards."



11. Know the goal of the conversation

"Before entering any difficult conversation, conflict, apology, request, etc, you should know what your goal of the conversation for yourself is. What do you want the outcome to be? How do you want this interaction to end? How do you want both parties to be left feeling? Know this first, then practice running both sides in your head a few times. Crucially, this prepares you direct the conversation for the outcome you want, instead of just saying what you really want say. Know your goal, and you’re way more likely to reach it."

12. Thrift store jewelry

"Second-hand shops—check the jewelry because, funnily enough, the volunteers working there probably don't know much about gold. I make a fair good chunk of cash a year going through jewelry at thrift stores."

13. Bake bacon

"Piece of parchment paper over any type of pan. Bam, no mess. People boiling it in skillets on the stove are living in the stone age."



14. How to talk to new people

"When the conversation starts to die or needs a pick me up, ask what the people around you did that day. It sounds really simple, but not a lot of people get asked this question regularly, so it’s likely you’ll get a genuine answer and make the person feel like you’re interested and invested. This is my hack for work events, family you haven’t seen in ages, or a friend of a friend you just met and your mutual friend just left you two alone. I think it’s safe to assume it would be a good icebreaker on a first date as well."

15. Self-control through pain

"The only thing in control of your mind and body is you. Go stand out in the rain and fight the instinct to flee inside. Find your zen. Overcome your base instincts and then figure out how to apply them to the rest of your life. Hunger, anxiety, self-esteem issues, etc, all things to overcome, master, and control."

16. Easy investment

"Invest (a portion of ) every paycheck into an S&P 500 index fund. It’s easy, the fees are incredibly low (nobody seems to understand mutual funds that are not index charge a fee! and if you do it consistently you will end up with money. Proven through depressions, recessions, and large-scale wars. That is all."

17. Know their name

"When a customer service person (finally) answers the phone and says 'my name is [NAME], [something something] how can I help you?' I make a note of their name and say, "Hi [NAME], how's it going/how are you doing?" in a friendly, conversational tone before introducing myself & my issue. Customer service is a soulless job and involves dealing with a lot of belligerent people, so setting the tone and establishing a rapport by mentioning their names makes it a little more personal and tends to lead to better outcomes. Can probably expand this to all interactions, tbh."

This article originally appeared in January.
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Are you 'ambitious but lazy'? This 3-minute video might be just the push you need.

It's a physics problem, actually.

Photo credit: Canva

Physics actually plays a big role in procrastination.

You're an ambitious person. You've got big dreams and lofty aspirations. You know you're capable of success. You envision reaching or even exceeding your goals, and you know All The Things you need to do to make it happen.

But your couch is so comfy. And Netflix has all the Gilmore Girls seasons. And you're just going to check the news on social media real quick. And you should probably do some laundry because you're out of underwear, so you don't do All The Things. You're lucky if you do any of The Things to reach your goals.

You wake up an ambitious dreamer and go to bed a lazy procrastinator, over and over, and the cycle of wanting-to-but-not-willing-to continues.

ambitious, lazy, procrastination, inertia, struggleJoin the ambitious-but-lazy club.Photo credit: Canva

Don't worry. You're not the first person to be stuck in the ambitious-but-lazy rut, and you certainly won't be the last. There's a good chance you've tried various methods to motivate yourself or boost your willpower without lasting success. Quick dopamine hits trump ambitious dreams nine times out of ten.

But is it really laziness? A three-minute video from The Blurb explains how the cycle of knowing what you need to do but not doing it over and over again leads to a cycle of procrastination, creates guilt, and causes you to label yourself as a lazy person. And most methods of addressing the problem only deal with the symptoms—turn off your phone so don't get distracted, etc.—but don't deal with the root cause of procrastination.

What is that root cause, according to The Blurb? One word: Inertia.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In physics, inertia is Newton's first law of motion—an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an external force.

"This applies just as much to tasks as it does to object," the video states. "Getting started on any task, no matter how small, requires an initial push and some amount of energy to overcome the resting state of inertia, and this precisely is the issue. We make this initial push so big and difficult in our minds that instead we just avoid the task entirely and distract ourselves with cheap dopamine-inducing activities. So to break break procrastination, we need to break inertia."

ambitious but lazy, procrastination, inertia, movement, ambition So many ways to procrastinate.Photo credit: Canva

The video explains that there are two ways to break inertia:

1. Reduce the stakes

We tend to build things up in our minds, which can overwhelm us. Thinking about the entirety of a task can cause us to not want to act at all because it seems so daunting. Reducing the stakes by breaking tasks down into tiny steps and only focusing on the step in front of you is often enough to break inertia. Instead of thinking, "I have to write a 5,000 word essay," tell yourself you just have to write the first 50 words. That feels much more doable, which makes inertia much lower.

2. The two-minute rule

Again, the getting started is the biggest hurdle, so tell yourself you only have to do the thing you need to do for two minutes and give yourself permission to stop after that. Need to clean your room? Put on a song, start cleaning and stop as soon as the song stops. It's unlikely that you'll not want to continue at that point.

gif, hacks, ambition, laziness, inertia2 Minutes Close Enough GIF by Overlook HorizonGiphy

"The best part is usually you'll continue longer than two minutes or you'll end up writing more than 50 words," the video states. "And this is because objects in motion stay in motion, meaning once we get started, we start gaining momentum and this momentum keeps us going for longer. Initially, it's like pushing a ball uphill but once we pass the point of inertia, it's downhill from there and that's why it's important that the initial push is small and easy."

There are lots of examples of reducing the stakes and utilizing the two-minute rule to get yourself past inertia:

Having a hard time consistently working out? Tell yourself you just have to put your workout clothes on and step out the door. That's it. Once you're outside or at the gym (because once you're out the door in your workout clothes, you'll might as well head to the gym if you belong to one) tell yourself you only have to exercise for two minutes.

ambitious but lazy, procrastination, inertia, movement, downhill Once you break inertia, tasks become easier. Photo credit: Canva

Need to work on a school or work project? Break it down into small parts and just do the first small part. Write one paragraph. Make the first presentation slide. Spend two minutes doing research. Just take the first step.

It might sound overly simple, but sometimes the simplest solutions are the most effective and you might be surprised by how well this works. Instead of searching for motivation, think of creating momentum. All it takes that first tiny push to break inertia and get the ball rolling, literally and figuratively.

You can find more helpful videos on The Blurb's YouTube channel.

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