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The 90-10 rule can be the difference between having a life that's hard or joyous

What do we really control in our lives?

90-10 rule, happiness, life hacks
via Canva/Photos

A woman is both happy and angry.

There is a psychological concept known as the illusion of control, which states that people believe they have greater control over the events in their lives than they do. If you think about it, a lot of our lives are controlled by chance, whether it's our genetics, the families we were born into, the time and place where we were born, and chance encounters that change the trajectory of our lives, such as the moment we met our spouse or someone with a job opportunity.

People who have it good are more likely to attribute their good fortunes to their effort, while those who are having difficulty getting by are more likely to blame bad luck. No matter how we delude ourselves, one thing is certain: many situations we find ourselves in throughout life are out of our control, and our real power lies in our ability to react.

Knowing how to react to situations beyond our control is the crux of the 90-10 rule.



What is the 90-10 rule?

The 90-10 rule, attributed to Stephen Covey in the bestseller “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” states that 10% of life is made up of what happens to you, and 90% is decided by how you react.

People often explain the 90-10 rule by sharing a story of a mishap at breakfast.

You are having breakfast in business attire and your young daughter spills coffee on your shirt. You reprimand her and your spouse for putting the cup of coffee too close to the table's ledge. Your daughter gets upset and misses her school bus. So you have to drive her to school, and because you’re speeding, you get a $180 ticket. You arrive at work late and the day spirals from there. When you get home from work, you have an annoyed wife and child.

Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?

B) Did your daughter cause it?

C) Did the policeman cause it?

D) Did you cause it?

The answer is "D".

In an alternative universe, the coffee spills on your shirt, and you forgive your daughter. You change your shirt, your daughter makes the bus, and you get to work five minutes early. Now, instead of having a day that spiraled out of control, taking a moment to see the spilled coffee as an accident changed the entire day.

What happens when people skillfully respond to events out of their control over a long period? Their lives will be completely different than if they chose to take things out of their control personally.



Here are 3 ways to apply the 90-10 rule. The key is not to take minor inconveniences personally.

1. If someone says something negative about you, do not be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water off a duck's back. You do not have to let the negative comments affect you.

2. If someone cuts you off in traffic, don’t take it personally; who cares if you get to work 10 seconds later? There's no point in letting it ruin your day.

3. If you get to the airport and find out your flight is delayed, don’t get mad at the person working at the ticket counter. It’s beyond their control. The plane will arrive at some point, whether you get worked up or not.

Remember, you can’t control everything, but you can choose how you react to minor annoyances. Choose to respond in a skillful, thoughtful manner without taking things seriously, and you can quickly get past the minor annoyances without causing the adverse ripple effect that can ruin your entire day.

This article originally appeared last year.

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'Wicked' author says one line in 'The Wizard of Oz' inspired Elphaba and Glinda's backstory

Gregory Maguire says he "fell down to the ground" laughing when the idea hit him.

Public domain

The two witches in "The Wizard of Oz" clearly had a history together.

Have you ever watched a movie or read a book or listened to a piece of music and wondered, "How did they come up with that idea?" The creative process is so enigmatic even artists themselves don't always know where their ideas come from, so It's a treat when we get to hear the genesis of a brilliant idea straight from the horse's mouth. If you've watched "Wicked" and wondered where the idea for the friendship between Elphaba (the Wicked Witch) and Glinda (the Good Witch) came from, the author of the book has shared the precise moment it came to him.

The hit movie "Wicked" is based on the 20-year-old hit stage musical, which is based on the novel "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West" written by Gregory Maguire. While the musical is a simplified version of the 1995 book, the basic storyline—the origin story of the two witches from "The Wizard of Oz"—lies at the heart of both. In an interview with BBC, Maguire explained how Elphaba and Glinda's friendship popped into his head.

 

Maguire was visiting Beatrix Potter's farm in Cumbria, England, and thinking about "The Wizard of Oz," which he had loved as a child and thought could be an interesting basis for a story about evil.

"I thought 'alright, what do we know about 'The Wizard of Oz' from our memories,'" he said. "We have the house falling on the witch. What do we know about that witch? All we know about that witch is that she has feet. So I began to think about Glinda and the Wicked Witch of the West…

 glinda, elphaba, wicked,  In "Wicked," the two Oz witches met as students at Shiz University.  Giphy GIF by Wicked 

"There is one scene in the 1939 film where Billie Burke [Glinda the Good Witch] comes down looking all pink and fluffy, and Margaret Hamilton [the Wicked Witch of the West] is all crawed and crabbed and she says something like, 'I might have known you'd be behind this, Glinda!' This was my memory, and I thought, now why is she using Glinda's first name? They have known each other. Maybe they've known each other for a long time. Maybe they went to college together. And I fell down onto the ground in the Lake District laughing at the thought that they had gone to college together."

In "Wicked," Glinda and the Wicked Witch, Elphaba, meet as students at Shiz University, a school of wizardry. They get placed as roommates, loathe each other at first, but eventually become best friends. The story grows a lot more complicated from there (and the novel goes darker than the stage play), but it's the character development of the two witches and their relationship with one another that force us to examine our ideas about good and evil.

  - YouTube  youtu.be  

 

Maguire also shared with the Denver Center for Performing Arts what had inspired him to use the "Wizard of Oz" characters in the first place.

"I was living in London in the early 1990’s during the start of the Gulf War. I was interested to see how my own blood temperature chilled at reading a headline in the usually cautious British newspaper, the Times of London: 'Sadaam Hussein: The New Hitler?' I caught myself ready to have a fully formed political opinion about the Gulf War and the necessity of action against Sadaam Hussein on the basis of how that headline made me feel. The use of the word Hitler – what a word! What it evokes! When a few months later several young schoolboys kidnapped and killed a toddler, the British press paid much attention to the nature of the crime. I became interested in the nature of evil, and whether one really could be born bad. I considered briefly writing a novel about Hitler but discarded the notion due to my general discomfort with the reality of those times. But when I realized that nobody had ever written about the second most evil character in our collective American subconscious, the Wicked Witch of the West, I thought I had experienced a small moment of inspiration. Everybody in America knows who the Wicked Witch of the West is, but nobody really knows anything about her. There is more to her than meets the eye."

 wizard of oz, wicked witch of the west The Wicked Witch of the West has a story of her own.  Giphy  

Authors and artists—and their ideas—help hold a mirror up to humanity for us to see and reflect on who we are, and "Wicked" is one of those stories that makes us take a hard look at what we're seeing in that mirror. Thanks, Gregory Maguire, for launching us on a collective journey that not only entertains but has the potential to change how we see one another.

This story originally appeared last year.

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Gen Xers share the nostalgic slang phrases from their youth that now get the Gen Z stare

"What’s your major malfunction???"

Images via Canva

Gen X shares nostalgic slang phrases that Gen Z doesn't understand.

Every generation has slang and phrases unique to them. From Millennial slang to Gen Alpha slang, it's always changing. And Gen Xers are noting that Gen X slang is often being met with the Gen Z stare.

In an online forum of Gen Xers, member Embarrassed_Flan_869 asked fellow Gen Xers: "Ok, so we all had phrases that we used to use, colloquialisms as it were, that no one remembers but us," they wrote. "Two that popped up recently for me. 'Scrolling through the mental rolodex' and when referring to regular vs decaf coffee, leaded vs unleaded."

They ended their post with a callout: "Which ones do you use/remember?"

And Gen Xers had tons of funny and nostalgic phrases to share, with some calling out how they've become lost in translation with the younger generation. These are 37 of the best Gen X slang phrases and colloquialisms to reminisce on.

 taco bell, taco bell gif, taco bell commercial, nostalgic taco bell, 90s taco bell doughnuts GIF  Giphy  

"I said something about 'making a run for the border' referencing the old Taco Bell commercials to my 19 year olds and was given the Gen Z stare lol." - bibleeofile123

"I get that a lot with my 13 year. She’s my first kid to not even be interested in 'classic' pop culture (I can’t believe our stuff is the classic now 😭); my older two would generally ask or look up any reference they didn’t get, because they thought it was funny or cool. But this one just looks at me like I’m an uncool alien every time I say something like 'Homie don’t play that'." - dixiequick

"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K." - Maleficent-Aside-171

"Smooth move, Ex-Lax. I'm Audi 5000." - Warhammer517


 captain obvious, captain obvious gif, slang, gen x slang, phrase captain obvious Sarcastic Common Sense GIF by VeeFriends  Giphy  

"Thank you Captain Obvious. Your perception of the obvious is only exceeded by your good looks." - nonesuchnotion

"What’s your major malfunction???" - snohflake5

"I still use 'What’s your damage?' ironically in a valley girl accent." - dlc741

"Bitchin. As in 'that's a bitchin Camaro'." - sugarbeet13

 snaps, z formation, slang, nostalgia slang, snaps z formation Sassy Snap GIF  Giphy  

"Three snaps in Z formation lol." - Klutzy_Excitement_99

"'I think I need a bigger box!'" - snark_maiden

"'Time to make the donuts'." - Secret-Asian-Man-76

 gnarly, gnarly gif, gnarly phrase, saying gnarly, gnarly thrownback Sean Penn Wow GIF  Giphy  

"I still regularly use both gnarly and grody." - duck_butter

"Using 'Not!' to sarcastically negate everything you just said." - FreshCords

"'Did you get home in time to catch the game?' 'No, but I TAPED it and I'll watch it later.'" - Bokononfoma

 wheres the beef, beef gif, nostalgia, nostalgic beef gif, where is the beef beef GIF  Giphy  

"Saying 'I know nothing' in a German accent. I also edit a lot of reports, and when someone gives me a crappy report with no info, I always ask, 'where’s the beef?' I get a lot of blank stares." - hotlettucediahrrea

"Accusing someone of being a 'narc'." - Accio_Diet_Coke

"Cool beans!" - Wide_Neighborhood_49

"Peachy keen!" - Magerimoje

"Was paying a bill on the phone and told the person to hold while I go grab my billfold. The person had never heard of a billfold." - Disastrous-Duty-8020

 cheers, cheers gif, cheers show, cheers sitcom, cheers tv american history drinking GIF  Giphy  

"I walked into the coffee shop I always go to and I was greeted by them in unison calling out my name. I was like, 'that’s was like Norm from Cheers.' They just gave me polite blank stares. RIP Normy." - Cleverironicusername

"Smoking or non?" - Formal-Working3189

"More and more, kids these days don't know where 'Nobody puts Baby in a corner' comes from." - HLOFRND

 chicken butt, whats up, chicken butt gif, chicken butt phrase, chicken butt nostalgic Animated GIF  Giphy  

"Answering 'what's up?' with 'chicken butt'." - expespuella

"I was born a poor black child." - seigezunt

"At work, I used the phrase 'I'm gettin ' too old for this shit' and nobody got the reference. Bastards." - OriginalComputer5077

 vanilla ice, word to your mother, vanilla ice gif, 90s gif vanilla ice death row chronicles GIF by BET  Giphy  

"Word to your mother." - silentAl1

"Know what I mean, Vern?" - ands_Of_Serenity78

"Bust a move." - Digitalispurpurea2

"It's 10 PM, do you know where your children are?" - La_Mano_Cornuta

 patience grasshopper, patience gif, patience young grasshopper, kung fu, kung fu gif Patience Calm Down GIF by Brat TV  Giphy  

"Patience Grasshopper." - SDgoon

"Does any body still say someone's gonna sh*t a brick?" - iwonandimstillhere

"My kids still look at me strange when I say I am going to nuke something." - lazygerm

"My husband said 'let’s go veg out' to my teen kids yesterday and they looked at him like he was crazy. My son was like, 'what’s that mean?'" - CarisaDaGal

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Dad shares the hilarious conversations he has with 5-year-old daughter and folks are cracking up

"Why do people congratulate you when Mom is making the baby?

via James Breakwell/X

All parents have had similar convos with thier kiddos.

Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Especially when actual conversations start, as kids begin trying to make sense out of the world around them, ask questions, and test mommy and daddy's resolve.

Back in 2018, comedy writer and children's book author James Breakwell, with four daughters who were all under the age of eight at the time, shared their hilarious conversations on X. From these tweets, it looks like comedy runs in the family. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

While Breakwell's 7-year-old wasn't as heavily featured, when she was quoted, the sarcasm was palpable. Which makes sense, considering that kiddos begin understanding this mechanism around that age.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

Kids really do say the darnedest things, and we love them for it. It one of the many, many ways then bring so much joy to the world. It almost makes up for the headaches and sleepless nights, doesn't it.

This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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Mom's plan to name her baby after Vaseline goes viral in the worst way. Then her family intervened.

“This is true abuse."

Photo credit: Canva

How do parents come up with these??

You would think the line between creative and absolute cringey baby names would be distinct enough for any person to tell the difference, but time and time again we have seen that is not the case.

Even when laws are put in place to protect future kiddos from being on the receiving end of incredibly questionable moniker choices, there will always be some that slip through the cracks.

Luckily…this is a bit of a near miss baby name story. Sort of.

Over on the infamous tragedeigh Subreddit, home to all sorts of crazy baby name conversations, someone shared how their cousin, a mom-to-be, had originally planned for their unborn child to be named Serena, but told them via text that she instead wanted to go with something “more elegant.”

one of my older cousins sent this to me…im sorry but Vaselinea??
byu/__misaki__ intragedeigh

The “more elegant” name in question? Vaselinea. Pronounced “vah-suh-lee-nia” because mom wanted a “nia” sound at the end.

“Im sorry, what? “Like this thing?” the OP responded, along with a picture of Vaseline petroleum jelly.

Understandably, the cousin rushed online to get tips on how to convince her to “go back to choosing the name Serena.”

Folks in the comments were (obviously) unanimously on the OP’s side…and many gave a quick, slightly NSFW glimpse into baby Vasalinea’s future should the name stick…

“High school is gonna be real rough lol.”

“The only place you should have difficulty choosing between Vaseline and Nivea is in your shopping basket. Not your child’s name. Yikes!”

“Vaselinea sounds like dollar store brand Vaseline.”

“Remind her what Vaseline is used for by many, many men and then remind her that her child will be surrounded by teenage boys at some point in their life.”

“This is true abuse. Naming a child a lubricant??? What is wrong with people?”

“At least she’s lubed up for all the bullying she will encounter thanks to her mom.”

“Honestly, this Subreddit continues to reinforce my belief that a decent percentage of the population should not reproduce, not until they gain some wisdom at least. If this is what you are considering naming your child, you have no business having one.”

It would be interesting to know whether this soon-to-be mom is a Gen Zer, since their relationship with the product is a little more deeply ingrained than other generations. Thanks to the “slugging” craze brought on by many Gen Z skincare influencers, the product is a beauty mainstay. But still…to name a child after it…that’s a bit much.

Thankfully, in an update the OP revealed that they had been able to talk some sense into their cousin. Although, rather than going back to Serena, the mom will be going with Sorelle, which she explained was "Italian for ‘sisters.’”

update on “Vaselinea”, what do u guys think?
byu/__misaki__ intragedeigh

Although she would also be pronouncing it “Suh-rell,” wish is…not the way the name should be pronounced?

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

But hey, we’ll take what we can get at this point.

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Boomers and older Gen Xers share 40 innovative ways they keep their brains sharp

They do so much more than crosswords.

Image via Canva

Older people share surprising and simple ways they keep their brains healthy and sharp.

One of the biggest battles of healthy aging is staying mentally sharp. Having a healthy brain is important for mental and physical longevity.

Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that 6.7 million older adults in the United States have Alzheimer’s disease, the most common type of dementia. The CDC notes that by 2060, that number will double.

However, being proactive about brain health can help keep aging brains thriving. In an online forum of Boomers and older Gen Xers, they opened up on how they keep their brains sharp and memory strong. These are 40 surprising (and simple) ways they've maintained healthy brains as they've aged.

 aging, healthy aging, mental sharpness, sharp brain, aging well Aging Old Man GIF by A&E  Giphy  

"I take on-line college courses. Pick one out that piques my interest and sign up. The advantage at my age is I can study whatever I want, I'm not really concerned with advancing my career. Ancient Mediterranean History? Sure why not? History of Beer? Why not? Psychology of Evil? Sounds interesting. All on-line, all cheap. Keeps my brain active." - mike11172

"I'm way into fitness and still work out with weights. Also walk a lot and do fun things outdoors. I make sure that I get outside at least an hour every day. I'm careful to eat good foods that meet nutritional requirements, especially since I work out. I drink plenty of fresh filtered water. Taking care of your health in these three ways really makes a difference in one's mental sharpness and attitude. I belong to a religion that encourages me to treat others kindly and to be thankful for the life I have. Participate in activities that involve helping others. That really makes anybody feel good, have a purpose, and be glad they have the means to give of themselves. My husband and I make a point to always treat each other like we're newlyweds. Keeping the stress in your home to a minimum improves your mental state. In my down time, I've gotten into paper art. It's fun and an easy way for anyone to stay creative. I make cute things and greeting cards for others." - Bebe_Bleau

 knowledge, learning, brain health, sharp brain, sharp mind Learn The More You Know GIF by @InvestInAccess  Giphy  

"I write novels and memoir essays. The novels require a lot of research about settings and history. Unexpectedly, even the memoirs require research, because I took for granted behaviors and ideas that need to be explained for modern readers since nobody takes them for granted anymore. I volunteer for a local organization that helps provide food and medicine to households who have run out of money before the next paycheck. I work with recent immigrants who speak little English and am constantly learning new things about what it's like to struggle for survival in lives of utter poverty." - Building_a_life

"Just use it. The brain works a lot like muscles in the sense that it will degrade quickly if you don't use it but can maintain its abilities for a long ass time if you do use it. I've met so many older people who basically just stop doing anything that requires a lot of thought when they get older because thinking is a lot of work. And you can definitely tell that kind of person when interacting with them. Conversations with them feel more like talking with a bunch of pre-recorded responses. Just do stuff that requires a lot of thought. Learn new skills. Read about complex, interesting ideas. Do puzzles. Play chess." - Yak-5000

"Started flying a small airplane a few years ago at 64. Mentally challenging." - slick62

 wordle, puzzles, wordle puzzle, doing puzzles, brain health New York Times Running GIF by PERFECTL00P  Giphy  

"All the many word puzzles: Wordle, Quordle, Octordle, Connections, Squaredl, Blossom, etc. Crosswords, jigsaw puzzles, hour + walks per day. Writing, reading, cooking. Day trips and quick trips of 1-3 nights. Working really got in my way!" - Conscious-Reserve-48

"Counseling. It is important to keep processing your feelings, otherwise they pile up." - arkofjoy

"I quit smoking and started juggling. I'm no performer, but it keeps the nervous system active and it's fun for the whole family. Learning new tricks that are counterintuitive is the hardest, especially with new devices. I mostly stick to 3 balls, as I prefer to get good with simple things." - Tempus_Fuggit

"I'm fixing up an old sailboat when I'm not doing house maintenance /upgrades." - darkcave-dweller

 gen z, gen z gif, gen z kids, gen z life, gen z culture Nick Kroll Fx GIF by Adults  Giphy  

"I have in-depth conversations with my GenZ kids. No restrictions on topics. They are phenomenally smart, well-informed, and engaged." - CommissarCiaphisCain

"Crossword puzzles. More importantly I work with teens who teach me the latest jargon among other things. I adore them all." - Kissoflife1

"I've spent most of my life living in foreign countries and really don't know any other life. My budget in old age allows me to annually travel solo to third world countries. I'm keeping my mind active by always trying to figure things out like communicating in some foreign language, organizing my own hotel reservations, traveling arrangements etc. Things frequently get off the rails, so I have lots of practice figuring out the answer to the questions like, what the heck should I do now?" - nonsense39

 spanish, learning spanish, speaking spanish, learning language, new language spanish gif Giphy  

"I learned to play a musical instrument and I’m taking Spanish lessons. These activities really challenge the brain." - ClawhammerJo

"I consume very little mainstream news. The more mainstream news you watch, the less you understand about the world--it's not meant to inform, it's meant to divide us and manipulate our prejudices. Finally, I've adopted the idea that pessimists are pessimistic because they imagine they can predict the future. I know and accept that I can't predict the future, so I'm optimistic. The possibilities are, as they've always been, infinite. I don't dwell on the past, and I don't worry about the future." - crackeddryice

 line dance, line dancing, learning line dancing, line dance gif, line dancing hobby Country Music Old Town Road GIF by Lil Nas X  Giphy  

"Line dancing. It uses the brain and the body, and in my area I’ve found I can dance several times a week." - littleoldlady71

"I read a lot of books. I listen to a lot of music. I hike as much as I can. I meditate daily. All seem to be important for my brain." - WingZombie

"A good brain takes regular practice. Think like a young person by talking to young people…asking them about their thoughts and ideas…they aren’t interested in my opinions much. Read about technological advances, social studies, philosophy and art. Learn and practice languages. And ride a motorcycle on and off road. My wife and I go somewhere or do something new once a week. I like getting strangers to laugh. I also smile and share joy wherever possible." - gorongo

"My Amazon deliveries are made to a set of lockers onsite. I will never walk up to the lockers and THEN pull out my phone to look for the code. I will look at the message with the code and force myself to remember it before I ever enter the building so I can just walk up to the lockers, enter my code and get my stuff without anyone having to wait on me. I find that my brain will spontaneously make all sorts of associations to the numbers that help me remember them. Whether this helps in the long run, who knows? I just know it kind of makes those trips to the locker like a game for me." - chonnes

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