Millions of families have suddenly found themselves in a strange new world, one in which parents and kids are all stuck at home together. All day and all night. Every day. Every night.
It's fine. We're fine. Everything is fine.
One outcome of this sudden 24/7 togetherness is that working parents are getting a taste of what stay-at-home parents do all day—and they're quickly discovering that the role is far more challenging than they thought.
We're in a weird time right now so that taste is a little skewed. Stay-at-home parents usually get to leave the house and go to the park, run errands, drive kids to and from activities, etc. Then again, they're also all usually doing it by themselves. Nevertheless, the reality of being responsible for children all day and night is hitting home.
People without kids or parents who work outside the home (amazing folks in their own right—no dogging on working parents) often don't understand the busy-ness that looking after children all day entails. The attention it demands. The mess it creates. The maintenance work involved. The emotional toll it can take. The relentless nature of it all.
Most stay-at-home moms (and dads—not trying to leave you out here) have been asked the question, "So what do you do all day?" more than once. Perhaps it's just genuine curiosity, but it often feels like there's a judgment floating beneath the surface. "You just have to hang out with your kids. How could that possibly fill up the whole day?"
Well, now you know.
Salary.com did an estimate of the value of stay-at-home moms' duties and figured out that if they did that job professionally they could reasonably expect a salary of $162,581 per year. Having stayed home with kids myself, that sounds about right.
The first time my 15-year-old babysat for three whole days—one child—she came home and said, "Kids are tiring!" She loved it, but she was surprised at how much energy it took. I just laughed and said, "Tell me about it, kiddo."
Different ages demand different amounts and different kinds of physical and emotional work, but it's still work. And it's work that doesn't have a clear beginning or end, doesn't have a performance review to let you know if you're doing well, and doesn't come with a paycheck or bonus. When you're a parent caring for kids all day long, you're working all day long—just without the official recognition that goes along with professional work.
And it's constantly changing. It's not like you can get really good at your job and coast a little. Children are constantly growing and changing, and what they need constantly changes, and your role constantly changes. All parents experience this, but stay-at-home parents are in the thick of it all. the. time. Even during times that your kids are occupied for a while, you're still "on."
I remember when my kids were little, it felt like a vacation just to go to the store by myself. (Still does, actually, and my kids are all in the double-digit ages.) I adore my children more than anything else in the world, and I love spending time with them, but there's a limit. Kids have so many needs. When they're little, they need food, protection, assistance to do basic things, nurturing, emotional comfort, etc. As they get older and their physical needs diminish, their emotional needs become greater. When you're the available parent, you're the one meeting those needs. And constantly being needed is exhausting.
And that's not even throwing in the housekeeping tasks, which can almost feel like a full-time job on their own.
Clearly, we're not living under normal circumstances at the moment, so people are getting a bit of a strange taste of what full-time, hands-on parenting normally looks like, but it's enough of a taste to recognize that stay-at-home moms are not sitting around twiddling their thumbs all day.
So congrats, stay-at-home moms for finally getting your hour in the sun. Sorry it literally took a global pandemic and for life as we know it to come to a screeching halt for you to finally get the recognition and acknowledgment you deserve.
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- Mom lives the dream: quietly quitting household chores to see if her family notices - Upworthy ›
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.