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17 incarcerated dads in tuxedos danced with daughters at San Quentin’s 'Parenting Prom'

“Some have waited for decades.”

Credit: @drumarjojodinero (TikTok)

It's the rehabilitation center's very first Parenting Prom.

On a beautiful Saturday afternoon in April 2025, something extraordinary happened at California's most famous prison, San Quentin Rehabilitation Center (SQRC). The prison's chapel was transformed into a gorgeous ballroom: music filled the air, an illuminated dance floor beckoned, the scent of fresh flowers wafted through the room, and twinkling lights sparkled overhead. Outside, guests arrived on a ruby red carpet. Girls wore beautiful gowns and dresses; their fathers, in sharp tuxedos, held corsages ready to be tied onto their daughters' wrists. This wasn't a prom in the usual high school Never Been Kissed sense. Instead, it was a magical evening where 17 incarcerated fathers got the chance to do something many of us take for granted: simply dance with their daughters and make them feel special.

Twenty-five daughters, ages 7 to 27, walked down that red carpet to reunite with their beloved fathers—some hadn't seen each other in years, others in over a decade. On the sidelines, “correctional officers, guardians, mothers, and volunteers cheered as each reunion took place. Some people were in tears, writes,” Localnewsmatters. SQRC's “Parenting Prom” was planned and hosted by The People in Blue (TPIB), a coalition of innovative incarcerated individuals working to reimagine California's prisons from the inside. This night in April was never meant to be a singular, one-off event—this is what rehabilitation can look like at its best: healing families and individuals, rather than warehousing people who have made mistakes.



 
@drumarjojodinero

16 incarcerated fathers got to reunite with their daughters for a Daddy Daughter Dance in San Quentin Prison. They have waited years for this moment. Some have waited decades. These kind of moments are sacred to many parents who deeply appreciate, care about, and love their children. Most men are incarcerated don’t even get this opportunity. Let alone get a phone call/a visit/even a letter.. This is what rehabilitation should look like. This what restoration should look like ‼️🥹 Such a beautiful event. For just a few hours, these men got to experience something different. For just a few hours, this didn’t feel like prison. #healing #happyfathersday #fatherdaughter #sanquentin #fyp #daddydaugtherdance #massincarceration

 

If you think prison is just about punishment, you’re missing the bigger picture

 

This is what healing looks like in action.

“We want to promote healing,” said Arthur Jackson, The People in Blue’s president. “We want to promote healing for everybody, victims of crime, families, communities, and incarcerated individuals. We believe families are critical to rehabilitation and healing, and we want to normalize these reunions as much as possible.”

Members of TPIB worked as ushers and servers, ensuring everyone in attendance—mothers, guardians, daughters, and fathers—were well cared for and enjoying themselves. The idea for the Parenting Prom began in 2023, when someone noticed Louis Sale (a TPIB member and the night's emcee) dancing with his daughter, Matalena, at the SQRC Hawaiian Makahiki celebration. The inspiration grew when residents at SQRC watched the documentary Daughters in 2024, which showcases a similar father-daughter dance in a Washington, D.C. jail. It resonated deeply. “We knew we had to make it happen,” says Sale.


 father, daughter, dance, hugging, reuniting "We knew we needed to make it happen," said the emcee, Louis Sale. Credit: @drumarjojodinero (TikTok)

San Quentin, California's oldest and most well-known prison, is undergoing a major transformation into a rehabilitation-focused facility. Inspired by Scandinavian models, the new San Quentin Rehabilitation Center prioritizes education, therapy, job training, and family connection while moving away from traditional punishment approaches. The goal? To reduce recidivism—the relapse into criminal behavior after release—and prepare incarcerated individuals for successful reentry into society. This revolutionary change has the prison now housing approximately 3,900 individuals, with a focus on lower-risk individuals who can benefit most from rehabilitation programs.


“I can't stop crying”

Each incarcerated father was required to complete and graduate from an eight-week family communication workshop. The workshop was created by Tam Nguyen, a TPIB member who has been incarcerated for 22 years and has prior training from the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation's Offender Mentor Certification Program and the Youthful Offender Program.

“I started this workshop to help bring families closer together,” said Nguyen. “If we don’t have strong family ties when we go back to our communities, it increases the recidivism rate.”

One of those graduates was Steven Embrey, who danced with his three daughters, Ase (7), Anna (9), and Tiara (28). “This workshop helped me be more understanding. I listen more, and we talk about reasonable and unreasonable expectations,” he said.


 father, daughter, dance, hugging, reuniting Some of the fathers hadn't seen their daughters in years. Credit: @drumarjojodinero (TikTok)

The emotional impact of the night was immediate and profound. Carrington Russelle, another incarcerated father who graduated from the class, reunited with his 12- and 14-year-old daughters, Jazlyn and Jayla, who had traveled all the way from Georgia to see him.

“It's the first time I saw them in person in more than a decade,” said Russelle. “I can't stop crying.”

One of the most powerful moments came during the slow dance to Luther Vandross' “Dance with My Father.” There wasn't a dry eye in the room as correctional officers, volunteers, and family members watched fathers—some who hadn't seen their daughters in decades—embrace and share that special song together.

“I have been at San Quentin over 20 years. I have probably witnessed hundreds of events, but nothing like this,” said acting chief deputy warden Eric Patao. “I have three daughters. I understand a father's love. We have a common bond today.”


 father, daughter, dance, hugging, reuniting The Parenting Prom was a community event, cultivated with love. Credit: @drumarjojodinero (TikTok)

Another beautiful aspect? The evening was truly a community effort: some daughters received free flights and hotel accommodations to see their fathers, thanks to God Behind Bars. Other organizations and individuals provided a DJ, decorations, and food. At the end of the night, daughters received flowers, goodie bags, and t-shirts reading “I Danced with My Father.”

The Parenting Prom at San Quentin represents something much bigger than one beautiful evening. It's a glimpse into what our justice system could look like if we prioritized healing over punishment, connection over isolation, and hope over despair. Steven Warren, who danced with his 8-year-old daughter Wynter, captured this perfectly: “We did this to build long-lasting healthy relationships with our daughters. This is a memory that will last a lifetime.”

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Parenting

Debate erupts after mom questions whether parents 'should' play with their kids on the playground

She says sitting on the bench instead of playing doesn't make you lazy.

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Is sitting on the bench at the playground "lazy parenting"?

I've been both parents in this situation: I've been the dad climbing up the playground with my kids, chasing them, making up silly games. And then I've also been the dad who just wants to sit on the bench and rest for a few minutes, and who groans when my 4-year-old decides she wants to take on the monkey bars and needs my help.

The former makes you feel like a million bucks, but is utterly exhausting. The latter comes with a ton of guilt. Where does the guilt come from? Why is there so much pressure to always be "on"? I have no idea, but it's suffocating. And some parents have had enough.

One mom is taking a stand against the judgment and internalized-guilt. She says it's more than fine to sit on the side and let your kids play independently.


 moms, motherhood, parenting, mom shame, mom guilt, dads, fatherhood, kids, playground, play, independence Some parents get accused of "not supervising" their kids when they're literally sitting 10 feet away.  Photo by Oakville Dude on Unsplash  

Amanda, a mom of three, recently posted a video on Instagram: "I saw a reel that said, 'parents at the park should get off the bench and play with their kids...' NO" the caption read.

"God forbid we ... let the playground be for kids ... a space where they get to experience some freedom, explore, interact and engage with other children without their parent breathing down their neck," she writes in the post.

Amanda adds that the advice to "get off the bench" came from a parenting influencer she usually really likes and who has helped her come up with new ideas to connect with her kids. But it shows how deeply-ingrained the pressure really is when even the "good" parenting experts are anti-rest and pro-hyper-involvement.

"I’m just highlighting here that ITS OKAY if you don’t want to be the adult scaling the playground!!" Amanda says. "Didn’t think this was a controversial take but I’ve said it before on here and have been called lazy."


Surprisingly, users were split on Amanda's "hot take," and were pretty heated about it themselves. Over 1.2 million people watched the video and thousands chimed in with their thoughts on the matter.

Many agreed that it was ridiculous to hold parents to the always-on standard.

"That was definitely said by a non parent who probably got ten hours of sleep. The audacity"

"Those of us who are SAHMs go ri the playground for a mother freakin BREAK"

"I tell my kids all the time: 'Go play with your brothers, that’s why I made more than 1 of you' I’m here to sip my coffee and talk to my friends"

"solo mother to toddler triplets here. It has taken me 3 1/2 years to get to the point I can actually sit down at the park. I’d love someone to say that to my face while I take the ONLY 5 minute break I get in my day"

"This! There is an over correction in the parenting these days. This gen of parents wants so barely to not be the absentee parents of yesteryear that they over parent and are over involved"

Some parents had safety concerns about not being "right there" in case something were to happen.

"I hear you but sometimes my toddler wants to play on the bigger structure and I just stand below making sure he doesn't jump off the high platforms"

"I wish, my anxiety is too bad 😂 I’m working on it."

"Maybe when they stop making playgrounds with random drop offs I can be chill enough to sit down."

"Parents need to get off their phones. I'm tired of having to tell someone else's kid to stop throwing sand cuz their mommy cares more about their phone than their kid."

(Whether being on your phone while your kid plays within eye-and-ear-shot is inherently bad is another discussion we need to have.)

A few commenters brought up an even greater point: It's about more than just mom and dad getting a break. It's about giving kids an opportunity to practice independence.

"As a mom of two, I’ve learned there’s so much value in giving kids space to play, explore, and even figure things out without us constantly hovering. It doesn’t mean we’re lazy, it means we trust their independence and know our own nervous systems matter too. We need more conversations like this"

"Let them be bored. Let them get creative. Let them make new friends. Their parent is not their court jester. The playground is meant for children to play, not the parents."

In fact, a key element of the popular and scientifically-validated Montessori method is that children should never be interrupted when playing or focusing on an activity.

"When children are engaged in interesting activities, they are simultaneously practicing their ability to remain engaged, to attend to other activities and to manage multiple stimuli without losing the capacity to concentrate on one. For parents, supporting children’s developing concentration means, first, giving them the opportunity to concentrate without interruption," writes Raintree Montessori.

Many well-regarded educational philosophies center on child-led learning, independence, and allowing children room to flex their creativity and play the way they want. Kids without an opportunity to learn and practice independence early have been shown to have worse outcomes later in life.

Why do millennial parents feel so much pressure to be hyper-involved?


 moms, motherhood, parenting, mom shame, mom guilt, dads, fatherhood, kids, playground, play, independence It's hard for parents to let go, but kids need chances to practice doing things on their own.  Photo by Myles Tan on Unsplash  

Gen X and certainly Boomer parents did not feel the same way. Many of them were and are more than content to let their kids run free without nearly as much supervision — for better or worse.

Maybe we've just seen too many influencers wagging their fingers at us, having grown up on social media. We've seen too many news stories about kidnapping and other bad actors stalking public parks. We've seen the horrible injuries and accidents amplified by social algorithms that feed on fear and anger. And so we "helicopter." Not to be controlling, but to be protective.

Bit by bit, though, the public conversation is changing. Parents are being encouraged more and more to let go, just a little bit.

It's such a fine line, though. Many parents hover over their kids on the playground precisely because of potential dangers, bullying, or negative interactions with other kids. And who wouldn't do anything in the world to protect their child?! But it's also more than OK for a parent to consider that a crucial part of the independence lesson. Sometimes it's good for kids to work out conflicts on their own! It's even good for them to push their limits too far and fall down!

Ultimately, you don't have to be a "play" parent or a "bench" parent. You can choose for yourself based on your child, what he or she needs, and what the situation calls for. In the end, there should be a lack of judgment whatever you choose.

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Parents who had kids over 35 share the complex truths about being 'old' moms and dads

"I've been called their grandmother a handful of times now, but I find it hilarious."

Image via Canva

People who had kids over 35 share their experience being 'older' parents.

More Americans are becoming parents at older ages. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the average age for women in the United States who have their first child is 27.5 years old. In another study from the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), between 1990 and 2023, the fertility rate for women ages 35 to 39 increased 71%,. For women ages 40 to 44, the rate increased 127%.

Yet, having kids after 35 is a unique experience. In a Reddit forum, member @rainybitcoin posed the question: "Parents who were over 35 when your kids were born—how is it now?" They went on to add, "What was it like being the 'old mom' or 'old dad' (or were you?) and what is it like now your kids are older?"

 Parents who had kids later in life offered their firsthand experience and advice on what it's really like. These are 15 of the most honest (and real) responses.

 having kids, becoming parents, parenthood, having a kid, parenting Tired Episode 2 GIF by Friends  Giphy  

"I had mine at 40/42. Now they are in their 20s and everything is fine. I still have strength to help them move into new flats or whatever. Only problem I had was in primary school when collecting my son and his friend shouted to him: 'Your grandad is here'." —@Key-Interaction-6281

"I had my kids the same age you did. Mine are all still under 10. I've been called their grandmother a handful of times now, but I find it hilarious. I turn 49 later this year, and my youngest just finished kindergarten." —@Strawberrywaffles001

 grandma, grandmother, mom, mother, motherhood Mood Grandma GIF  Giphy  

"I feel like a salmon that went upstream, spawned and is now so tired I'm happy to drift back downstream while my body decomposes. Maybe a bear will eat me if I'm lucky." —@spiteful-vengeance

"It worked out very well. He is 20 now and in college and I just retired at 65. And it’s been such a wonderful part of my life. I think my wife feels the same way." —@No-Savings7821

"38 and 42 when kids were born, 48 now, kids are 6 and 11. It's kind of heavenly. I sometimes wonder if I’m actually in heaven." —@Guitar-Nutt

"My daughter was born just in time to help us celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. I was 40, my husband 42. Other than my husband once being mistaken for her grandfather while on a walk in Yosemite, our age was never an issue. I look younger than I am and my daughter definitely kept me active. I was the go to mom who took her and her friends to amusement parks and concerts. My husband and I took her on many vacations. By the time she was born, we were settled in our careers and financially able to provide her with experiences she wouldn’t have had when we were young. Today she is 32, happily married and thriving. We talk every day and have a great mother/daughter relationship. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t change a thing." —@OPMom21

 mom, daughter, hugging, motherhood, mother minka kelly love GIF by Hallmark Channel  Giphy  

"I was 39 and 42 when my kids were born; and I'm now 66 and they are 27 and 24. We were ten years older than the other parents in our childbirth class and our baby group. But my kids went to a preschool where there were lots of older parents -- I was probably the mean age of the moms there. It was in a community (Evanston, IL, suburb of Chicago) with lots of older parents. I was more of any outlier as my kids grew older, because we tended to be older than many of the parents. I used to joke that I didn't look old I actually was old. Or sometimes people thought I was younger because of the ages of my kids. One of the other parents told me Now most of the friends I grew up with are grandparents, even though none of their kids had kids young. I have a good relationship with both of my kids -- although it was strained at times when they were teens, particularly my eldest. I work hard at getting, staying healthy so I can be around for them for a long time. My own mom died when she was 50 and I was 20, so I've already made it past that frightening point on both sides of it. I didn't want my kids to be motherless children until they were well into adulthood. I'm not sure what else you want to know. I have two nieces who both had kids when they were older than 35 in San Francisco, which, I just read has the oldest mothers in the country. They are fine about it." —@here_and_there_their

"I certainly was not ‘the old mom’ because like my peers, I got my career going first before having kids after 35 and then when my kids went to school, the other parents were also in their early 40s. We were all well educated and professional and so our kids attended a private school where younger parents would have been unusual." —@leatclowns

 tired, exhausted, no energy, sleepy, exhaustion Tired The Middle GIF by ABC Network  Giphy  

"Here I am, ready to burst the "everything is amazing" bubble! ...Although I don't fit the brief 100%... I had my youngest at 34. But close enough? It's horrible compared to the kids I had in my early and mid 20s! I am healthy. I am fit and active. But there is NO comparison to how much more energy I had ~10 years ago! Please don't get me wrong! I love all of em to bits! All of them were planned and so very much wanted! But I have so much less energy, so much less patience,...like, there really are no words to describe it! The worst though, is when it comes to injuries. Since I am, and always was, very active - injuries do happen from time to time. That's just the way things go, when you're running, skiing, horse riding, biking,...,...In my 20s, that would be a sprain, some bruises or such... but now? I was out 6 weeks (!!!!) due to a stupid tumble in the snow! It wasn't even a bad fall! My body just isn't as flexible anymore, my reflexes aren't as fast anymore. I feel so sorry for my youngest, who will never meet the super active, high energy, up for anything person, that I was for my older two. I'm sorry folks, but there's a reason professional athletes mostly retire in their 30s. It's because your physical abilities start to decline. Even for professionals!" —@Alone_Lemon

"I’m 48(m) my wife too, we have 11, 7, and nearly 3 year old. We are in the thick of it with trying to raise 3 kids, prime of careers, but yet worrying about saving for retirement at exactly the same time as saving for college. Don’t have time to feel old or tired, it’s all go around this place. The mostly grey haired wrinkly face guy I catch a glimpse of sometimes reminds me of our age, but luckily I spend more time looking at my much younger looking wife than myself. She on the other hand has the raw end of the deal. :)"—@ Realist1976

 passport, passport stamp, travel, traveling, international travel Border Patrol Europe GIF  Giphy  

"I'm male - I was 41 when my daughter was born and 43 when my son was born. I was living in a big urban city, so 'older parents' weren't that uncommon. When I talk to younger people about having kids my advice is always the same: Have them when you are young. There is a biological reason a 25-year-old can stay up late and still get up for work in the morning. It's not for nightclubbing. It's for parenting infants & small children. By the time I was 18 my parents were in their mid-40s. They could still travel together and live life. You will feel you will never have enough money or enough time to have kids. So if you are in a relationship and want to have them, then have them." —@StoreSearcher1234

"I had a easy time when I had my daughter at 19 yrs old. Not that easy when I had 2 sons back to back at 36 and 37. Everything was harder especially recovery. I had C Sections with all and i was running around and cleaning house when I got home with daughter. With sons it took weeks to recover. But I have to say the boys got easier as they got older and I’m proud to say we all lived thru it!" —@debbiedo2019

"I do not know anyone who intentionally had kids before 35. We’re all doing great lol. However, my friends who had kids before 35 struggled with financial and relationship insecurity…" —@AdmirableCrab60

 old, getting old, older, feeling old, old age Aging Season 9 GIF by Friends  Giphy  

"I was 40, everyone around me has had kids about the same age so socially it’s not a big deal, but personally I feel old and tired." —@strumthebuilding

"I'm probably never going to meet my grandchildren. Other than that, things are pretty good, I still see both of my kids every week." —@blinkyknilb

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How Father's Day began when a tireless young woman honored her Civil War veteran single dad

The last living descendent of Sonora Smart Dodd is finally sharing the incredible story.

Images via MyHeritage

Sonora Smart Dodd and a painting of her father, William Jackson Smart

Father's Day falls on Sunday, June 15 this year. The holiday will see families gathered together to honor and celebrate father figures in all forms, from grandfathers to stepdads and 'chosen' dads. And the origin of Father's Day has a deep connection to American history and single dads.

It's a story that begins in Spokane, Washington in 1909, with a young woman named Sonora Smart Dodd. It's an important tale in American history that was uncovered by the researcher Naama Lanski and her team at MyHeritage.com (an online genealogy platform)—who reached out to Sonora’s great-granddaughter and the last living direct heir, Betsy Roddy—as well as researched historical documents and records from the time period.

Dodd was listening to a church sermon on Mother's Day when it struck her: "Why isn’t there a Father’s Day?" Her father, a Civil War veteran named William Jackson Smart, deserved to be honored.

 Sonora Smart Dodd, father's day, founder of father's day, father's day holiday, father's day story Photo of Sonora Smart Dodd.Courtesy of MyHeritage

Betsy Roddy tells Upworthy that after Sonora's mother's death in 1898 (when she was just 16), William Jackson Smart raised her and her five younger brothers on his own—something that bucked cultural tradition at the time.

"Rather than pass his children off to relatives, he chose to keep them at home and serve as mother and father for 6 young children," she says.

After Sonora approached her pastor about establishing a Father's Day, her vision came to fruition in 1910 when the inaugural Father's Day was held.

 William Jackson Smart, civil war, civil war veteran, father's day, fathers day Drawing of William Jackson Smart.Courtesy of MyHeritage

"It took a year, but she petitioned the ministerial alliance and YWCA in Spokane," Roddy tells Upworthy. "It was a simple celebration city-wide, and Father's Day was proclaimed by the local government. They handed out red and white roses—red to living fathers and white for fathers who had passed. It became official symbol of Father's Day."

The holiday quickly went nationwide, but it would be another 60+ years until it was recognized by the United States federal government. Dodd petitioned and lobbied for Father's Day to become a national holiday.

"She worked pretty tirelessly to push the concept forward," adds Roddy.

Finally, in 1972 under President Richard Nixon, the third Sunday in June was officially proclaimed Father's Day and signed into law. Dodd was 90 years old, alive and well and able to see her tireless work pay off.

Roddy was able to develop a relationship with her great-grandmother before she passed away at 96.

"My great-grandmothers stuck to the idea and vision of this being a national holiday. She fearlessly took on something much bigger than herself, before women had the right to vote," says Roddy. "It's easy to lose sight of that in context of today's world. She took on something women didn't do that was incredibly courageous. It's also a story of a woman's courage. To hold fast to an idea and see it through is a lesson for all of us. It's not just my great-grandma's legacy, it's an American story and legacy."

Adds Lanski, " At a time when parenthood was seen almost exclusively through a maternal lens, she championed the vital role of fathers and fatherhood - shaped by her own experience being raised by a dedicated and proud single father."

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