In the December issue of Vanity Fair, music icon Adele opened up about her own personal experience dealing with postpartum depression after her son's birth in October 2012.
Like many new moms dealing with postpartum depression, she didn't even realize that's what she was feeling at first.
"My knowledge of postpartum — or post-natal, as we call it in England — is that you don’t want to be with your child; you’re worried you might hurt your child; you’re worried you weren’t doing a good job. But I was obsessed with my child. I felt very inadequate; I felt like I’d made the worst decision of my life. ... It can come in many different forms."
Photo by Sascha Steinbach/Getty Images.
An estimated 900,000 new mothers in the U.S. experience postpartum depression every year — and an alarmingly low 15% of these women actually receive treatment for it.
There's still a huge stigma surrounding postpartum depression (PPD), and a lot of misconceptions about what such a diagnosis means. Society places high expectations on mothers and motherhood, and women often feel guilty if they don't take to their new role naturally. This means that many new mothers are hesitant to admit if motherhood isn't everything they're told it should be.
For mothers experiencing postpartum depression, symptoms can range from unexplainable sadness to uncontrollable anger, and asking for help can feel like admitting you're a bad parent.
Adele said she was also reluctant to seek help, though eventually, she found comfort in talking to other new moms.
Of course, she described it to Vanity Fair in true Adele fashion — bluntly and with lots of raw emotion and f-bombs:
"I didn’t talk to anyone about it. I was very reluctant ... My boyfriend said I should talk to other women who were pregnant, and I said, 'F**k that, I ain’t hanging around with a f**kin' bunch of mothers.' Then, without realizing it, I was gravitating towards pregnant women and other women with children, because I found they’re a bit more patient."
Photo by Robyn Beck/AFP/Getty Images.
Postpartum depression, of course, has many layers to it and presents differently in different people. But it was through these conversations with other mothers that Adele said she realized she wasn't alone.
"One day I said to a friend, 'I f**kin' hate this,' and she just burst into tears and said, 'I f**kin' hate this, too.' And it was done. It lifted."
Photo by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images.
By using her powerful voice to shine a light on the issue of postpartum depression, Adele is empowering mothers to recognize that they aren't alone and shouldn't be ashamed or afraid seek the help they need.
Too often, mothers are expected to sacrifice everything for their kids and to do so without complaining and at the expense of their own mental health. There's a lot of pressure on moms to be perfect and to be incredibly hard on themselves if they take any time away from their kids, especially when their kids are still young.
At the end of the day, you shouldn't need to justify what you need to feel good or to force yourself into a box of what you think a perfect mother looks like. The best way to take care of your kid and to be a great mom, especially if you're experiencing PPD, is to make sure you're taking care of yourself.
Which is exactly what Adele did:
"Eventually I just said, I'm going to give myself an afternoon a week, just to do whatever the f**k I want without my baby. A friend of mine said, 'Really? Don’t you feel bad?' I said, I do, but not as bad as I'd feel if I didn’t do it. Four of my friends felt the same way I did, and everyone was too embarrassed to talk about it; they thought everyone would think they were a bad mom, and it's not the case. It makes you a better mom if you give yourself a better time."
GIF via CBS.
PREACH.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.