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dads

@kellyvellly/TikTok

Talk about a win-win-win for everyone involved.

Default parents need a break. Back-up parents need opportunities to bond with kids. Kids need fun weekend activities. Meeting all these separate needs might seem impossible, but one mom has shared how she and her husband make it happen.

In a video posted to her TikTok, Kelly Irene explains how implementing “Dadurdays” (cute name, right?) were a game changer. In fact, they’ve “slowly become one of the most anticipated days of the week.”

Here’s what a typical Dadurday looks like:


“Basically every Saturday ... we do this where my husband will take our toddler, and they will just go off on these little adventures together. I am not invited. This is just daddy and daughter’s special time, and they go and they have the time of their lives. They might go to the beach. or they might go to a waterfall or go on a hike. Or they might just go swimming in town, like whatever. They do whatever they want. I don't even ask. None of my business. They are going off and having the time of their lives,” Kelly says.

She goes on to say that both her husband and daughter “live for it,” since it makes up for lost time during the work week.

“When Saturday rolls around, it's his time to shine.”



And when Dadurday is complete, their daughter is thoroughly wiped and ready for a long nap, making for a very peaceful Saturday night.

“It's just a great experience for everyone. All around. Couldn't recommend it enough. And I do recognize we only have one child. So I'm sure as our family expands, Dadurday is probably going to look a little different. It's going to evolve!” Kelly concludes.

Kelly’s family is apparently not the only one to implement this type of strategy. Soon other parents shared their own spins on Dadurdays.

“We call it Public Transportation Day because both my son and husband love the bus,” one person wrote. “They go wherever they can go on the bus or the subway and come back with stories of adventure.”

“We call it Saturdaddy,” added another.

Several dads chimed in to share how much the value getting to have Dadurdays.

“Saturdays are the day my wife sleeps in, I get up with the baby and we go to the hardware store, run errands and get doughnuts! Come home mid-morning when mom’s rested!” one commented.

Another said: “Girl dad here.. I’m totally doing this. Love it.”

And of course, just because the fun name is new, the concept has been around for a minute.

“When I was a toddler my dad took me to zoo, McDonald’s, and target for a my little pony every Friday. I’m 22 now and this was my favorite thing that I did with my dad to this day!” recalled one viewer.

As for what Kelly does during Dadurdays, she said in a follow-up video that it always changes.


@kellyvellly Replying to @Sandy how im spending #dadurday ♬ original sound - Kelly Irene


“Some days I just rot, and I don't do anything productive. I just lay around. If that's what I need — to be a potato for a day — I'll do that. But other days like today ... I'm just doing a bunch of laundry and getting packed because we leave for California in a couple days. My very best friend is getting married, so I'm just getting ready for that. It's a lot easier to do that when I'm all by myself.”

But one thing remains the same: “Dadurday is just as much for me as it is for dad.”

Health

5 things I didn't want to hear when I was grieving and 1 thing that helped

Here are my top five things not to say to a grieving parent — and the thing I love to hear instead.


In 2013, I found out I was pregnant with triplets.

Image via iStock.

My husband and I were in shock but thrilled at the news after dealing with infertility for years. And it didn't take long for the comments to begin. When people found out, the usual remarks followed: "Triplets?! What are you going to do? Three kids at once?! Glad it's not me!"

After mastering my response (and an evil look reserved for the rudest comments), I figured that was the worst of it. But little did I know I would be facing far worse comments after two of my triplets passed away.

On June 23, 2013, I gave birth to my triplets, more than four months premature.

My daughter, Abigail, passed away that same day; my son, Parker, died just shy of 2 months old. Before then, I didn't know much about child loss; it was uncharted territory. Like most people, I wouldn't know how to respond or what to say if a friend's child passed away.

Image via iStock.

But two years later, I have found that some things are better left unsaid. These comments come from a good place, and I know people mean well, but they sure do sting.

Here are my top five things not to say to a grieving parent — and the thing I love to hear instead.


1. "Everything happens for a reason."

It's a cringeworthy comment for those of us who have lost a child. Sometimes, there is no rhyme or reason for why things happen in life. A parent should not outlive their child. I don't know why my body couldn't handle my pregnancy or why I went into labor at 22 weeks.

This phrase goes along with another I often hear: "God only gives us what we can handle." I remember talking with my childhood rabbi the night before my son passed away, and I asked her, "Why me?" Her response is something I now live by every single day. She said, "God doesn't give us only what we can handle. He helps us handle what we've been given."

2. "They are in a better place."

Instead of comforting, this is a phrase that makes me feel down in the dumps. I longed to be a parent for so many years. And children are meant to be in the loving arms of their parents.

I think I speak for every grieving mother and father when I say, we would give anything to hold our babies again.

3. "At least you have one survivor. Count your blessings."

I like to think of myself as a positive person. But even two years later, my heart still aches for Parker and Abby. And on the most difficult, dark days of grief, it's hard to "count my blessings."

Yes, I am blessed. I have a gorgeous miracle child who is the light of my life. But Peyton should be playing with her brother and sister in our home, not just waving to their pictures and blowing kisses to heaven.

4. "You are still young. You can have more children."

It doesn't matter whether or not our biological clock is ticking. Many people have no idea what couples go through to have a child: Some can't have children of their own; others may face years of infertility or miscarriages. And for people like me, trying for more children may be something too scary to even think about. I came close to death after delivering my children — that's enough to scar me for life.

5. "I don't know how you do it. I couldn't imagine losing two children."

Some days I don't know how I do it either. But we learn how to live with it. We learn a "new normal," and in those tough moments, we celebrate that we survived the day. This comment is a difficult reminder of our grief and the children who were sent to heaven.

So, what should you say to a grieving parent?

Image via iStock.

There are no words to take the pain away, of course, but simply letting that person know you are there for them is more than enough.

For me, the best thing someone can do is to talk about my angels. Say Parker and Abby by name, and don't be afraid to ask questions about them.

While they were only here for a short time, they left a huge imprint on this world. I love talking about my angels, and simply hearing someone else mention them by name is enough to wipe away the grief and warm my heart for days.


This article was written by Stacey Skrysak and originally appeared on 7.15.16

A father tries on a shirt that his 9-year-old son sewed for him.

There's always something very touching about receiving a gift from your child, especially when you know it's something that they really put their heart into creating. A video posted to TikTok by Aaron Gouveia shows that sometimes a child can give a gift that’s so surprising it’s almost too much to handle.

Gouveia, 43, is a Massachusetts father of three who posts videos as “Daddy Files” on TikTok about the joys and challenges of family life. On March 26, he posted a video featuring his son Sam, 9, that was so heartwarming it has received over 12.4 million views.


According to Today.com, Sam is a neurodivergent fourth-grader who's been teased by classmates for wearing nail polish. His father believes he struggles to get along with kids his age because they "don't understand him or his interests."

A year ago, Sam began taking a sewing class at school, and in the video, he showed his dad the blue patterned shirt he made for him.

“I got a shirt that I made at sewing class,” Sam said, holding the shirt in his hands.

“You made that?” his dad asked, astonished.

@daddyfiles

Sam made me a shirt! Wow. #sewing #sewingtiktok #samsewgood #boyswhosew #parenting #raisingboys

“I did the buttons, and I did the button holes,” Sam continued. “I got some help, but I did most of it by myself.”

Gouveia then tried his son's creation on and looked at himself in the mirror. The shirt fit him perfectly. He seemed astonished that his young son was able to make something so well-crafted with so little experience. Gouveia pored over all of the details of the shirt, especially the ‘70s-style lapel.

“The collar is so unique,” he noted. He was also impressed by the box pleat on the back of the shirt that Sam admitted was “hard” to stitch together.

At the end of the video, Sam said he had his father’s style in mind while designing the shirt.

“Why did you choose this pattern?” Gouveia asked.

“Why I chose the pattern is, it just looks cool to me. It stands out to me,” Sam replied. “And it goes with jeans like you usually wear.”

The proud father then asked if he could wear the shirt out to dinner that night.

“Uh yeah,” Sam replied, beaming with pride.

In a follow-up video posted on March 27, Sam thanks people for the support he’s received and says that he’s now taking orders for shirts and dresses. The transformation in Sam is delightful because he was a little insecure when he first handed the shirt to his father. But after the overwhelming support he’s gotten in the 92,000 comments the video received on TikTok, he’s excited to share his talents with the world.

@daddyfiles

Bus stop interview with my celebrity child. 🤣 Good news: Your overwhelming support made him open to doing commissions! 🪡 Thank you for 8.5M views! #sewing #sewingtiktok #samsewgood #sewingforyoupage #parenting #fashion #fashiontiktok

“That caught me off guard,” Gouveia told Today.com. “He hasn’t wanted to make things for people. You can even see in my first video, he's nervous. He has a lot of anxiety and doesn’t want to disappoint anyone. But after reading all the positive comments, he was like, ‘Well, I can do it!’”


This article originally appeared on 3.29.23

Photo pulled from video

Texas dad giving heartfelt speech.

A baseball cap on his head, his hands tucked snugly in his front blue jean pockets, Ken Ballard stood in front of a room of onlookers, admittedly a little out of his element.

But the issue at hand was so critical, Ballard said, he couldn't keep quiet.


Ballard was speaking during Texas' 85th Legislative Session this past winter about his 14-year-old transgender son, Ashur, who attempted suicide twice.

Ashur, like many trans people, had wrestled with his identity in a world where ignorance and irrational fear-mongering continue harming people like him.

"Was I going to be his bully?" an emotional Ballard said in response to his son's coming out. "Was I going to try and put him back into a box that fit the rules of my world at the time or wait it out and see if it would just pass and go back to the way it’d use to be?"

Advocacy group Equality Texas, who's worked with Ballard in fighting for LGBTQ rights in the state, recently shared a video of him speaking during the session. Although it was captured on video several months ago, Ballard's emotional plea in front of his fellow Texans is just now making waves online.

Since Equality Texas shared the video on Facebook, the comment section has filled with loving messages of support and admiration.

The comments, although mostly positive, are a bit bittersweet to Ballard.

"I ... see comments that too many parents missed out on what could have been an amazing journey for them and their child by not accepting them," Ballard explains. "Be as excited about your kid's life as you were at the sonogram, when 'we are having a baby' was enough."

The ongoing debate over trans rights isn't isolated in Ballard's home state. Legislatures at both the state and local level across the country are pushing forward with harmful bills this very moment.

A recently proposed Texas "bathroom bill" — which would have forced trans Texans to use the restroom that corresponds with the sex they were assigned at birth (not the gender they identify) — was just rejected by House Speaker Joe Straus, which was great news for human rights groups like Equality Texas.

But there's still much at stake in the Lone Star State and in jurisdictions from coast to coast.

A handful of states, including Montana, Virginia, and Minnesota — as well as local school boards spanning the U.S. — deliberating similar bathroom bills. Research shows these laws leave trans people even more vulnerable to dangerous circumstances in their own communities — yet, their passing doesn't protect anyone.

Chances are, equality — and trans lives — might be at stake in your own region of the country.

As for Ballard and Ashur, they're living proof that acceptance and inclusion save lives.

And, as Ballard's moving speech illustrates so well, it's important our laws reflect that critical reality.

"I've watched a kid go from someone who, 26 months ago, was in despair," Ballard says of his son's mental health. "Now, [he's] flourishing."


This article originally appeared on 07.06.17