upworthy

dads

Parenting

A dad's hilarious 'time-travel' letter to school asks them to explain field trip fiasco

Are you able to search the school buildings for a rip in the space-time continuum?

Images via Twitter

Stephen Callaghan and his letter

In 2017, Stephen Callaghan's daughter Ruby came home from school. When he asked her how her day was, her answer made him raise an eyebrow. Ruby, who was in the sixth grade at her school in Australia, told her dad that the boys would soon be taken on a field trip to Bunnings (a hardware chain in the area) to learn about construction.

The girls, on the other hand? While the boys were out learning, they would be sent to the library to have their hair and makeup done. Ruby's reply made Callaghan do a double take. What year was it, again? Callaghan decided to write a letter to the school sharing his disappointment — but his wasn't your typical "outraged parent" letter.

"Dear Principal," he began. "I must draw your attention to a serious incident which occurred yesterday at your school where my daughter is a Year 6 student."

"When Ruby left for school yesterday it was 2017," Callaghan continued. "But when she returned home in the afternoon she was from 1968."

dads, parenting, kids, Australia, sexism, gender, women Representative image of an angry dadImage via Canva

The letter goes on to suggest that perhaps the school is harboring secret time-travel technology or perhaps has fallen victim to a rift in the "space-time continuum," keeping his daughter in an era where women were relegated to domestic life by default.

"I look forward to this being rectified and my daughter and other girls at the school being returned to this millennium where school activities are not sharply divided along gender lines," he concluded.



Dear Principal
I must draw your attention to a serious incident which occurred yesterday at your school where my daughter Ruby is a Year 6 student.
When Ruby left for school yesterday it was 2017 but when she returned home in the afternoon she was from 1968.
I know this to be the case as Ruby informed me that the "girls" in Year 6 would be attending the school library to get their hair and make-up done on Monday afternoon while the "boys" are going to Bunnings.
Are you able to search the school buildings for a rip in the space-time continuum? Perhaps there is a faulty Flux Capacitor hidden away in the girls toilet block.
I look forward to this being rectified and my daughter and other girls at the school being returned to this millennium where school activities are not sharply divided along gender lines.
Yours respectfully
Stephen Callaghan



sexism, dads, daughters, parenting, school, sexism, time travel Stephen Callaghan and his letterImages via Twitter

When Callaghan posted the letter to Twitter (since deleted), it quickly went viral and inspired hundreds of supportive responses.

Though most people who saw his response to the school's egregiously outdated activities applauded him, not everyone was on board.

One commenter wrote, "Sometimes it is just ok for girls to do girl things."

But Callaghan was ready for that. "Never said it wasn't," he replied. "But you've missed the point. Why 'girl things' or 'boy things'... Why not just 'things anyone can do?'"

He later commented that he didn't think the school's plan was malicious, but noted the incident was a powerful example of "everyday sexism" at work.


Callaghan says the school hasn't responded to his letter. (Yes, he really sent it.) At least, not directly to him.

Some media outlets have reported that the school claims students are free to opt in and out of the different activities. But, as Callaghan says, gendering activities like this in the first place sends the completely wrong message.

In response to the outpouring of support, Callaghan again took to Twitter.

"At 12 years of age my daughter is starting to notice there are plenty of people prepared to tell her what she can and can't do based solely on the fact she is female," he wrote.

"She would like this to change. So would I."

This article originally appeared eight years ago.

Parenting

I want more core memories with my kids. Experts say 6 things will make them last forever.

Psychologists say doing these things can make experiences more "sticky."

Canva Photos

Psychologists reveal 6 things that make core memories stick forever.

My wife and I took our oldest daughter to Italy when she was around three years old. We saw the Colosseum in Rome, took selfies with the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and biked our way through the beautiful city of Lucca. If you ask her now, she hardly remembers a thing about it.

It's probably asking a lot—after all, some long-term memories begin forming around two to three years old, but most of them don't last through adolescence—but I'm just saying: it would be nice if she remembered that amazing adventure, all the incredibly family time we got together, and all the laughs we had as we struggled our way through Italian menus. It's the kind of thing that would have made an amazing core memory.

A core memory, if you remember from the film Inside Out, is a foundational experience that plays a big role in the person children end up becoming. It's an unforgettable memory that sticks with them forever and shapes big portions of their personality and adult lives. For example, taking your child to their first football game might very well spark a lifelong love of the sport. Just like how getting heavily bullied might influence the way they relate to others for a long, long time.

If you're like me, you want to fill your kids' childhood with happy memories, and it would be really great if they actually wound up remembering some of them.

Scientists and psychologists say there are six things you can do to make your memories and experiences more "sticky" and help create core memories that will last forever.

core memories, pixar, inside out, memory, brain science, childhood, kids, parenting, dads, fatherhood, parents, family 'Inside Out' popularized the concept of core memories. Giphy

1. Emotional Connection

In the Pixar movies, core memories are heavily linked with strong emotions, and the same is true in real life. The memories that stick with us the longest often aren't about what we saw, heard, tasted, or smelled, but how we felt.

core memories, pixar, inside out, memory, brain science, childhood, kids, parenting, dads, fatherhood, parents, family The strongest memories are driven by emotion. Giphy

"Emotional connection can make an experience more memorable to a child; children remember how something felt more than what happened. Focusing on joy, wonder, love, and fun and giving your child undistracted attention helps turn an outing into a cherished memory," says Dr. Carolina Estevez, Psy.D., psychologist at SOBA New Jersey.

Siobhan Chirico, Psychotherapist and Educator at VOICE Counselling & Education Services, adds that connecting an experience to a child's sense of identity can help cement that experience into long-term memory. For example, if your son finally works up the courage to go down the big, scary water slide ("I'm brave") or your daughter tells a joke that has everyone spitting soda through their noses ("I'm funny"). You'll have to put the phone away and be present and engaged in the moment in order to look for opportunities for meaning in the moments you plan.

2. Repetition

Memories stick when we get to relive them over and over. Study a subject for a test and you'll forget everything in no time. Use it every day and you'll quickly become an expert.

You can apply the same idea to making lasting memories with your kids. Take every opportunity to tell the stories of your adventures to friends, family, and anyone else who might care to listen. Let your kids tell it from their perspective—who cares if they get some of the details wrong or screw up the comedic timing?

Photo albums may have gone out of style, but consider making scrapbooks or photo books of trips and big events in your family life.

"Take pictures intentionally not just of yourself and your child, but where you went and what you did, then invite your child to help you make a memory page or scrapbook as you remember together, reliving all the fun (and not so fun) moments," suggests Cara Tyrrell from Core4Parenting.

This is also why traditions—like hanging the lights on the Christmas tree while The Grinch plays in the background every single year—become so deeply embedded in us.

3. Novelty

As much fun as you might have going to your favorite family restaurant every week, sometimes the most memorable experiences for kids are the new ones—even if those memories aren't picture perfect.

For example, I guarantee your kid will remember their first time trying sushi, even if they end up nearly gagging at the sight of the raw fish. Sometimes, the more of a train wreck an experience is, the more memorable! These frustrating, everything's-going-wrong debacles become really funny stories to tell again and again over time. My daughter's and my first long train ride together a few summers ago was an epic disaster but we never get tired of telling the tale.

Novelty can come in smaller packages (and inexpensive ones), too, like putting a twist on an everyday activity. Chirico says unexpected surprises like "a picnic breakfast in pajamas, a bedtime story under the stars can spark delight and novelty."

4. Hands-on participation

Planning the perfect event is great if you can pull it off. But inviting your child into the planning process can make it even better and more memorable.

My wife recently took our daughter on a girls-only trip to Amsterdam and London. They had a lot of late-night planning sessions, pouring over maps and books together, reading blog posts, watching YouTube videos, and creating their perfect itinerary.

Having some ownership over the experience builds confidence in kids, helps create a sense of identity, and gets them even more engaged in what's happening. It also taps into repetition—they'll remember not just seeing Big Ben in person, but also reading about it, finding it on the map, and plugging it into the travel plan.

5. Sensory overload

The more sensory-rich an experience is, often the more memorable it is. Have you ever smelled something and immediately been transported back to middle school for some reason? Tasted a food that reminded you of your mom's cooking?

core memories, pixar, inside out, memory, brain science, childhood, kids, parenting, dads, fatherhood, parents, family Taste or smell can transport us directly into old memories. Giphy

"When kids are fully immersed through multiple senses, what they see, hear, smell, taste, and touch, the memory gets anchored in a deeper way," says Kim Feeney, play therapist at Butterfly Beginnings Counseling. "Think about it: the smell of sunscreen at the pool, the feel of sticky fingers from roasting marshmallows, the sound of fireworks booming on the 4th of July, those details become cues that can instantly transport a child back to that moment years later."

If you're doing something special with your kids, help point out some of the sensory input they're getting and it may help that experience become a core memory.

6. A good night's sleep

As fun as it is to keep your kids up late in the name of fun, adventure, and family bonding, try not to overdo it. Sleep actually plays an important role in our brain's attempts to commit things to memory. It's why pulling an all-nighter cramming for a test makes sense in theory, but in reality, you wind up losing a lot of good information because you skipped the sleep cycle your memory needed.

"Sleep and rest can also make memories last," writes Estevez. "Sleep consolidates short-term memories into long-term storage, therefore good sleep, especially REM or deep sleep cycles, is critical for making memories last."

core memories, pixar, inside out, memory, brain science, childhood, kids, parenting, dads, fatherhood, parents, family A good sleep helps form new memories. Giphy

In the end, though, don't stress too much about trying to create the perfect environment for core memories. They're a nice idea, and a great plot device for the Inside Out films, but they're not real in a scientific sense. And even if they were or are, it's impossible to predict exactly which memories will stick with us forever.

Our brains have extremely complicated systems of designating which memories to store and which ones to ditch. Every single one of us has mundane memories of no importance or significance that we, inexplicably, carry with us everywhere. And all of us have sadly forgotten about really incredible moments in our lives that would have been great to hold on to.

One thing that didn't make the list: Money. Kids won't remember how much you spent, only the feelings of laughter, love, and adventure that you help create for them.

Canva Photos

Parents in the 70s through the early 2000s had unique ways of relaxing before cell phones were prevalent.

Parents are more stressed out than ever. While the fundamentals of raising kids haven't changed much over the years, the environment in which we do it has rapidly become more complex and demanding. Social media bombards us with visuals of other parents' seemingly perfect lives and influencers who are constantly trying to sway us into their way of thinking. The demands on parents to be hyper-engaged and always "on: are rising. We get dozens of emails and texts from school and daycare every week that must be read, digested, and sometimes responded to. Securing childcare for summers and school breaks takes 100 hours of planning every year.

In short, parents are, on average, working more and doing more hands-on childcare than in decades past. You don't have to have a PhD in mathematics to know that the hours in the day just don't add up. So many parents are trying to cope in any way that they can, trying anything that might help them decompress, which includes a lot of different coping mechanisms like alcohol, THC gummies and weed, and mindlessly watching Netflix until they fall asleep. They're also withdrawing socially, over or undereating, and bottling up their feelings. Overall, it's not a great recipe.

One honest mom took to social media to make a confession. In a Reddit post, she confessed that sitting and mindlessly scrolling on her phone was the only thing she had that helped her decompress, and she wasn't feeling great about it.

She also asked for some advice from older generations who didn't have all the pressure to go-go-go, and who didn't have the option of numbly flicking through Instagram to pass the time: "Older parents, how did you decompress from toddlers? I’m a single mum and sometimes scroll my phone while she plays, esp. at noisy play gyms, just to mentally/physically reset. I feel guilty."

Older folks who were parents back in the 70s, 80s, 90s, and even early 2000s chimed in with plenty of timeless advice:

1. Put the kids to bed on time. No exceptions.

parents, parenting, old school parenting, gen x parents, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, kids, family For older generations of parents, bedtime was non-negotiable,. Photo by Anna Hliamshyna 💙💛 on Unsplash

Universally, the one thing older parents will always tell you is that you need to get your kids to bed on time and without feeling guilty about it. Personally, I struggle with this all the time. As your kids get older, they learn how to work you and guilt you into letting them stay up later and later. And, honestly, it's pretty awesome when your kids want to hang out with you by watching a show or playing a game together late into the evening.

But mommy and daddy need time to wind down before bed, too. Older generations were definitely better at sticking to the routine without exception.

"Get them to bed ON TIME. No flexibility except in emergencies or family events. Just seeing the bed time approaching, started my unwind. Then TV and books," one user wrote.

"My kids were ALWAYS in bed by 7:00. Then it was bath time with a good book for me. I was also a single mom and the sense of peace when they were finally asleep was exquisite!" said another.

"Set routines. That's it. No flexibility when it comes to meals, bedtime, etc. You can break that routine for very special occasions such as Birthdays, Christmas, etc however the routine is the ironclad rule of the household. This is for the kids to learn structure, and for you as the parent to get time to yourself," someone agreed.

Once the kids are firmly in bed, parents agreed that a whole wide world was open to you. You could do a puzzle, take a bath, enjoy a glass of wine. Or just go to bed yourself and get that coveted extra sleep!

2. Let them play unsupervised. Feel no guilt.

parents, parenting, old school parenting, gen x parents, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, kids, family Kids need unsupervised play time, and so do adults. Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

It's been a hot topic of debate as to why kids these days seem more anxious than previous generations. A lack of unstructured, unsupervised free play is definitely a factor. And, ironically, it's contributing to parents' stress, too.

This is definitely the making of the younger generation of millennial parents. Gen X and Baby Boomer parents had no issue with letting kids take advantage of their freedoms, and they were a lot more relaxed as a result.

"[My parents] let sleeping dogs lie so to speak. If it wasn't broke, they didn't look to fix it. If we were achieving as we should in school and not arrested as teenagers, they assumed we were doing fine and on track to get to college. Even as young kids we had enormous physical freedom to roam around the neighborhood on our own - and I grew up in Brooklyn and not an idyllic suburb. Both my parents worked and after we sat down to a home cooked meal on almost all week nights my parents essentially retreated to the living room and watched television or read and we kids also retreated," one user said.

"When my kids were little, I just let them play outside. They would ride their trikes back and forth on the sidewalk in front of the house. Usually a neighbor or two would also come out and we would visit while the kids ran around. After that, it was dinner time, maybe a little TV, and then bedtime. When they were older, we would go to the park and hang out with their friends while I chatted with the moms," said another.

3. Read. (Books, that is.)

parents, parenting, old school parenting, gen x parents, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, kids, family Reading instead of scrolling can make a huge difference. Photo by Marga Santoso on Unsplash

If you're getting the kids to bed at a decent hour or finding yourself with a few minutes of freedom in the middle of the day while they play outside, the older generations are begging you: Pick up a book instead of your phone.

"I had a book with me literally everywhere I went. If I had 30 seconds where total attention wasn't required, I was reading. Now I keep books on my phone so nothing's really changed except the medium," someone wrote.

"My mum used to lock herself in the toilet (as it was the only room with a lock) and read a lot of a book sat on the toilet," added another.

Reading books has tons of benefits for the brain, like making you sharper, more intelligent, and lowering stress. Screen time, on the other hand, is "empty calories" for the brain—it's easy and fun, but harmful in large amounts as it can lead to sleep issues and more anxiety, for starters.

Luckily, you can get a Kindle for pretty cheap and have easy, instant access to tons of books. The screen is easier on your eyes than a phone, and you won't get distracted by social media or texts.

4. Ask for help.

parents, parenting, old school parenting, gen x parents, boomer parents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, kids, family Parents need more community support. Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

America has always been known as a heavily-individualistic culture. But over the years, the extended family unit has definitely suffered. A Surgeon General's advisory from 2023 shows that people communicate with family outside their immediate household far less often than in years past.

That's a shame, because older parents survived and thrived in part because they got more help. But help can take many forms, from grandparents to neighbors to friends. You might just have to learn how to ask for it:

"One more thing that probably made a big difference is grandparents. Back in the day when my kids were young, grandparents were probably a lot more available and active in the grandkids' lives than they are now. They gave us respite before we got to the point of feeling like we needed it," one user wrote.

"We collaborated with relatives or friends. get a pool of parents going, have meet ups with kids of similar age. you can then rotate with those parents if you have an appointment or just need an hour or two of sanity," said another.

"When my kids were young, we spent a lot of time with other families so the kids could go off and play together and we could have adult time. Kids could play safely outside and did so on a regular basis, mostly because parents were also outdoors more and adults who happened to be outside looked after other people's kids. Having strong communities, strong ties, made things a lot easier."

5. Zone out.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Just because older generations didn't have smartphones and streaming doesn't mean they didn't turn their brains off every now and then.

Their advice? Stop beating yourself up, even for your less-than-ideal coping habits. This stuff is hard.

"I would strap [my kids into] their car seat, close the door, and then walk around the car to the driver's seat. That short walk around the car was my happy place. An oasis of calm. A short interlude of bliss," one commenter joked.

"I was also a single mom. Phones weren’t as prevalent when the youngest was a toddler in 2008. I believe I would zone out. It was a form of meditation in a way. I was disassociating but if I scroll and dissasosiate on the phone I feel worse. Don’t beat yourself up. Hang in there!" said another.

"Peace in engagement, in quietly watching, quietly observing, especially since time flies and when you pick up your phone it flies even faster. Which creates more guilt and anxiety. Try it. Look at the time, play on your phone, see how fast time goes. But sit and do nothing but watch, and time slows down and you can rest."

One thing older generations of parents can all agree on is that the pressure today's parents face has gotten completely out of control. The truth is, the world is different, and not all of the "old ways" still work. But it doesn't mean we can't learn anything from how things used to be.

Jordan's "product review" of his baby on TikTok has people rolling.

Amazon product reviews have become a staple for many content creators as they piece together ways to make money with their social media channels. Product in hand, they talk to the camera, addressing other Amazon shoppers to inform them of their experiences with something they got from the website.

There's a bit of a formula with those reviews that might not be super noticeable until you see one done in jest, and one dad with a newborn has totally nailed it.

amazon, amazon order, amazon review, shopping, package An Amazon package.Canva Photos

Jordan (@CamOnAll on TikTok) holds his newborn (Louise—they call her Lou) in a semi-football hold as he delivers an "Amazon product review" of her.

"Hey everybody, this is my product review. We got this from Amazon roughly five-and-a-half weeks ago or so. It came in a little different package than we were expecting. We had to do some manual opening of the box, but hey, we got it out of there." (Lou arrived via an unexpected but non-emergency c-section.)

"They don't tell you exactly the size," he continued. "This one was 21 inches, I believe, so it was a good length. It was six lbs 14 oz, which is a really healthy weight. The thing they didn't tell us after we first got this one was that they may lose a little bit of that delivery weight before you go home in terms of how much they ship to you. That's okay."

@camonall

4.5 stars. Accidentally got the extra gassy mode. 5/5 for looks though.#amazonfinds #productreview

Jordan goes on to explain that he does have a few complaints. He gives this model 4.5 stars, but not because there's anything wrong with its features. "The big thing about this one is this one came with the gassy mode activated. We weren't sure if it was going to be activated or not, but this one most definitely was." It also came with a lip tie and a tongue tie, which they didn't order, but he does give it "5 stars for looks."

In all seriousness, you really never know exactly what you're going to get when you have a baby delivered (or when you deliver one yourself). And whether you hit snags with shipping or find yourself questioning whether something went awry in the manufacturing process, humor is often the best way to handle the unexpected.

family, new parents, baby, parenting, happy family, humor Parents with baby.

Some people played right along with the joke, while other parents chimed in with their own experiences.

"i see you got the model without blinker fluid. can you get them with the blinker fluid already installed."

"Man..10 years ago I got 2 boxes at one time. I thought it was a joke. I guess they had a buy one get one free thing going on. They sent me another 8 months ago. It keeps scratching me and pulling my hair. Now they have another one coming in December😭 should I be scared?? I can’t return to sender LOL"

"👀 careful with the order button, I got 2 for 1 deal!"

babies, twins, parenting, humor, kids baby fight GIF Giphy

"I ordered 2 about 2 years apart. Unexpected opening of the packages as well. Both of mine had gassy mode activated. Make sure to check your owner's manual for both and make sure you don't accidentally activate the colicky mode."

"I hear the shipping is like 9 months. 😳 Can’t get them with Prime!"

"I've been trying to order a third one for 8 years. Freaking amazon."

"28 years ago, I ordered 1 base model and they shipped 2. Now with that I was not charged extra shipping and did not have to order again. My packages arrived 2 months early so I didn’t have to wait the full delivery time."

"Yea I bought 2 of them..but heads up..alot of them start to glitch at about 12 years old..I have to threaten mine that I still have the receipts and the original packaging"

Yep, a sense of humor is definitely necessary when raising kids.

You can follow Jordan on TikTok.

This article originally appeared in June.