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The 'Best Undocumented Golfer in America' is living proof of how immigrants make America a better place

The 'Best Undocumented Golfer in America' is living proof of how immigrants make America a better place

Standing behind a tree on the sixth hole at Meadowlark Golf Course in Huntington Beach, California, I was in a predicament.

I was about 70 yards from the hole, but there was a large eucalyptus in my way. I grabbed my five wood to take a punch shot to get around the tree and set myself up for a clear route to the green.

"Take your body out of the shot," my friend Eduardo called from the golf cart. "Use your hands."

The punch plunked the ball about 40 yards, stopping in the center of the fairway. I was nicely set up for an easy third shot and, hopefully, par.

This was just one of the easily digestible tips I received that day from my buddy Eduardo Flores, or as I half-jokingly call him, The Best Undocumented Golfer in America.


(I'm using a pseudonym to protect him due to his citizenship status and to prevent him from being inundated by requests for putting tips.)

via Tod Perry

I first met Eduardo about ten years ago after he took in a friend of mine who was in an unhealthy relationship. We bonded quickly over our shared love of the Oakland Raiders.

He lives in the central valley of California, one of the most productive agricultural centers of the world, and home to many undocumented people who come from south of the border in search of work and a better quality of life.

But life for Eduardo hasn't always been chip shots and birdies.

In 1995, at the age of 17, the spindly teenager left his family in Michoacán, a state in south west Mexico, and began a journey with a friend to the United States to find work. He grabbed a backpack with two days' worth of clothing and a few dollars to pay the coyotes in Tijuana.

He spent eight days in the border town and endured three failed attempts at crossing the border. According to Eduardo, it was his "first taste of the American Dream."

Related: How Trump and Obama handled MAGA chants shows how much American politics has changed in just three years

During one attempt, he was lambasted by an irate border patrol agent, but had no idea what he was saying because he didn't speak English. This was all the encouragement he needed to learn the language. "First thing I'm going to do in America is learn English," he said. "I don't want people talking shit to me without knowing what they're saying."

Eduardo and his friend's fourth crossing was successful, and along with five other people, they were driven in a two-seater beat-up '80s Nissan to a tomato-packing plant about 50 miles north of the border in Oceanside, California.

Upon arriving at the plant, Eduardo's friend took off with relatives, stranding Eduardo in a new country where he had no contacts and couldn't speak the language.

Oceanside, Californiavia Rick Miller / Flickr

The tomato plant had enough workers so Eduardo was shut out. Hungry and penniless, he did odd jobs for a man that ran a taco truck and was paid in burritos. At night, the plant owners allowed him to sleep in a corner of the factory floor in a makeshift dwelling he assembled out of wooden pallets.

But the owners soon wanted him gone, so he spent a few nights sleeping beneath a bridge near Mission Avenue. Hungry, he occasionally had to stomach rotten bananas and pick insects off of half-eaten sandwiches to survive.

Back in 1995, a cell phone was a rarity and international calls were costly. But the taco truck owner took Eduardo to his house so he could call his family back in Mexico. The entire town only had one phone, so his father had to be paged by a loud speaker system.

"My father told me it was a lost cause and to come back home," he said. "I had no opportunity back in Mexico, so I had to persevere in the states. That was my only option, really."

His parents put him in touch with his brothers in the central valley. Eduardo would have reached out to them himself, but the border agents stripped him of the sheet he carried with their information.

via Miguel Vava / Flickr

In the central valley, Eduardo found work on a grape farm but had to quit because he soon learned he was allergic to sulfur. "If you knew how much sulfur they put on your grapes, you'd never eat one," he joked.

Eventually, Eduardo would find steady work farming chili peppers, picking cotton and corn, and working at an industrial plant where he barely survived an ICE raid. "When ICE stormed the plant, all the workers were called out and got deported," he said. "But a man I will never forget, a Desert Storm veteran named Bobby, hid me in an office saying, 'I'll make sure they never get you.'"

In 2014, he got dragged by a friend down to Ventura where his friend wanted to play golf. "I had no interest, but to humor him I went along," he admits. "I didn't know my driver from my putter. Let's be honest, golf wasn't exactly a popular sport in Michoacán. We had about as many golfers as hockey players. Zero," he laughs.

"I don't remember my score, but I shot three pars that day. I caught the bug."

Eduardo grew up in a mountainous region of Mexico where there wasn't even enough flat land to play soccer. Volleyball was his sport of choice as a child. His family back home thought he was crazy for taking up the game. He later came to the realization that his upbringing may have laid the foundation for his smooth swing.

"We had to chop down a lot of trees with axes in the mountains," he said. "The natural swinging motion was beat into me as a child. The synchronized motion of your hands, arms and hips is very similar to hitting a pitching wedge. And, you want to keep your feet planted or you'll chop your leg off at the knee."

A few weeks later, he and his girlfriend came down to Long Beach to see my wife and I. Eduardo demanded we play an 18-hole par three called Heartwell. I had been playing golf for 21 years, and I believe I beat him by two strokes.

"We tied," Eduardo reminds me.

After just five years, Eduardo boasts a six handicap, has won nearly ten scramble tournaments, and routinely beats me by 25 strokes whenever we go out.

via Tod Perry

Politically, the agriculturally-driven central valley in California bears little resemblance to the progressive Bay Area to the north and Los Angeles to the south. The golf course where Eduardo regularly beats the regulars is a haven for Trump supporters.

Needless to say, there aren't a lot of golfers that look like Eduardo in the tee boxes and prejudice against undocumented people is palpable.

"They always tell me I'm one of 'the good ones.' They say all the other undocumented people are a bunch of free-loaders who take from the welfare system," he said.

Eduardo has a great response to the "freeloader" claims. "I tell 'em, 'you go to the welfare office, say you're Canadian and have no social security number and try to get food stamps. It's not gonna happen,'" he continued. "It's the same with us."

According to a report from the Cato institute, Eduardo is right. "Immigrants use 39 percent fewer welfare and entitlement benefits per person than native-born Americans," the study says. "Legal immigrants cannot get welfare for their first five years of residency, with few exceptions, mostly at the state level. Illegal immigrants are not eligible for welfare except for rare circumstances like emergency Medicaid."

In situations where undocumented people access the welfare system, it's usually due to a U.S.-born child that has legal access to benefits.

It wasn't until this year that undocumented immigrants in California can enroll in Medi Cal, a free or low-cost health insurance program. But that program only allows undocumented people under the age of 26 to enroll.

In 2017, undocumented immigrants contributed $11.74 billion a year in state and federal income taxes, state and local sales taxes and property taxes.

Undocumented people also commit fewer crimes per capita than native-born Americans.

"I tell these guys, I'm not 'one of the good ones'; ninety-nine percent of the undocumented people in this country are just like me," he added.

"It's crazy that all of these people want us deported because their livelihoods are completely tied to our labor. It makes absolutely no sense," he said. "If we all disappeared one day, these people would lose their livelihoods, too."

via "Eduardo Flores"

However, these same men routinely pay Eduardo for lessons and to play rounds of golf with them so they can improve their games. He rarely pays for a round at the local course. Plus, he's a good guy to crack a beer with.

"They need me on the farm and the green," he jokes.

Eduardo's disdain for Trump isn't just about his immigration policies. "He cheats at golf," he says. "I read in the book 'Commander in Cheat' that he takes gimmies on chip shots. That's un-American."

Eduardo's dedication to his golf game is borderline obsessive. After shooting a triple bogey on a hole a few weeks ago, he punished himself by taking 4,000 practice shots into a makeshift driving range he built with a tarp outside of his farm house.

Having survived a long, dangerous journey from Michoacán to the central valley, to a life with a loving fiancée, a newborn daughter, teenage son, and two soon-to-be step children, Eduardo feels compelled to give back to his community.

He routinely takes in children of migrant workers who have been affected by deportation. He also helps local migrant children – many who can't afford shoes – by buying them soccer cleats and uniforms to play in local leagues. All of this on a farm workers' wages.

It's tough to know if he's the best undocumented golfer in America, but it'd be hard to find a better person, on the course or off.

Eduardo is looking forward to getting married, becoming a citizen, and hopes to make it to the PGA Senior Tour in nine years when he turns 50.

As for us, we've got tickets to the Raiders versus the Lions on November 3 at the Oakland Coliseum.

Health

Dentist explains the 3 times you should never brush your teeth

Sometimes not brushing your teeth is the best way to protect them.

Representative Image from Canva

Add this to the list of things you didn't learn in health class.

For those who love the oh-so fresh feeling of immediately running to brush their teeth after a meal, we got some bad news.

London-based dental surgeon and facial aesthetics practitioner Dr. Shaadi Manouchehri recently shocked around 12 million viewers on TikTok after sharing the three occasions when you should “never” be scrubbing those pearly whites—if you want to actually protect your teeth, that is.

The hardest part about this video, which some viewers are undoubtedly still processing, is that each of these no-no times is exactly when brushing your teeth is the only thing you’ll want to do. So much for instincts.


Number one on Manouchehri’s list, which caused the most controversy in the comments, isright after vomiting. Yep, you read that right.

“This is because the contents of the stomach are extremely acidic and the mouth is already in a very acidic state so if you brush straight after [vomiting] you’re basically wearing away your enamel,” Manouchehri explained.

Of course, commenters weren’t willing to let this one go without a fight. One viewer wrote, “I would rather lose all of my teeth than not brush after vomiting.”

Manouchehri also says to avoid brushing your teeth directly after eating breakfast. This is because “when you’ve just eaten, the mouth is, again in a “very acidic state,” so if you’re brushing your teeth you’re rubbing that acid on the tooth, which wears down the enamel.” Other sources have also confirmed that brushing your teeth tight after any meal isn’t really recommended.

This goes double for right after sweets. Manouchehri says to wait a full 60 minutes before putting a toothbrush anywhere near your mouth after having something sugary. Because…you guessed it…acid.

Does this advice seem counterintuitive? Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

@drshaadimanouchehri #dentist #dentistry #dentaladvice #learnontiktok #funfacts #londondentist #dentalcleaning #teethbrushing #teethbrushingmadeeasy #teethbrushingtips #londondentistry #marylebonedentist #fypシ ♬ original sound - Dr Shaadi Manouchehri

“Ah, yes, the three times I want to brush my teeth more than any other time,” one person joked.

Luckily, there are few alternatives to try if you want that good, clean mouth feeling but don’t want to compromise your enamel—the simplest being to either rinse with or drink water. You can also use sugar-free chewing gum or conclude your meal with dairy or non-acidic foods, according to Advanced Dental Associates. If you still crave a little more of a hygiene bang, you can opt for a mouthwash with fluoride and using a tongue cleaner, which removes excess acid, per Curetoday.com.

Guess there’s a time and a place for everything, even when it comes to dental hygiene.

What is Depression?

In the United States, close to 10% of the population has depression, but sometimes it can take a long time for someone to even understand that they have it.

One difficulty in diagnosis is trying to distinguish between feeling down and experiencing clinical depression. This TED-Ed video from December 2015 can help make the distinction. With simple animation, the video explains how clinical depression lasts longer than two weeks with a range of symptoms that can include changes in appetite, poor concentration, restlessness, sleep disorders (either too much or too little), and suicidal ideation. The video briefly discusses the neuroscience behind the illness, outlines treatments, and offers advice on how you can help a friend or loved one who may have depression.


Unlike the many pharmaceutical ads out there with their cute mascots and vague symptoms, the video uses animation to provide clarity about the mental disorder. It's similar in its poignant simplicity to the HBO short documentary "My Depression," based on Liz Swados' book of the same name.


This article originally appeared on 08.17.19

popular

6 alternatives to saying 'let me know if you need anything' to someone in crisis

If someone is drowning, you don't wait for them to ask for help. You just take action.

People going through major struggles don't always know what they need or how to ask for help.

When we see someone dealing with the loss of a loved one or some other major life crisis, it's instinctual for many of us to ask how we can help. Often, the conversation looks something like this:

Us: I am SO sorry you're going through this. What can I do to help?

Person in crisis: I honestly don't know right now.

Us: Okay…well…you let me know if you need anything—anything at all.

Person in crisis: Okay, thank you.

Us: I mean it. Don't hesitate to ask. I'm happy to help with whatever you need.

And then…crickets. The person never reaches out to take you up on the offer.


Was it that they didn't really need any help, this person going through a major life crisis? Unlikely. As sincere as our offer may have been, the problem may be that we didn't really offer them what they actually needed.

One of those needs is to not have to make decisions. Another is to not have to directly ask for help.

When a person is in a state of crisis, they can feel like they're drowning. They might be disoriented and fatigued, and doing anything other than keeping their head above water long enough to breathe can feel like too much.

If someone is drowning, you don't ask them what you can do to help or wait for them to ask. You just take action.

Here are some specific ways you can take action to help someone who you know needs help but isn't able or willing to ask for it:

1. Make them food

It may be tempting to ask if you can make them a meal and wait for them to say yes or no, but don't. Simply ask if they or anyone in their household has any dietary restrictions, and then start shopping and cooking.

Meals that can be popped in the refrigerator or freezer and then directly into the oven or microwave are going to be your best bets. Include cooking or reheating instructions if it's not obvious. Disposable aluminum trays are great for homemade freezer-to-oven meals and can be found at just about any grocery store. Casseroles. Stir fried rices. Soups. Comfort foods.

If you don't cook, you can buy them gift cards to local restaurants that deliver, or give them a DoorDash or UberEats gift certificate (large enough to cover the delivery, service fees and tip as well, which combined can be as much as a meal sometimes).

lasagna in the oven

Easy-prep meals people can throw in the oven are great.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

Even better—organize a meal train

If you want to make it a community-wide effort and no one else has done so yet, set up a "meal train," where different people sign up for different days to bring meals to spread out the food help over time. There are several free websites you can use for this purpose, including Give In Kind, Meal Train, and Take Them a Meal. These sites make it super easy for anyone with the personalized link to sign up for a meal.

someone scrubbing a pot in a kitchen sink

There are always dishes to wash.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

2. Clean their kitchen and/or bathrooms

Kitchens are always in use, and keeping up with dishes, especially in a house full of people, is a challenge even under normal circumstances. Same with keeping the refrigerator cleaned out. Same with cleaning the bathroom.

Rather than asking if they want it done, as many people won't want to say yes even if they would appreciate the help, try saying something like, "I want to come and make sure your kitchen is ready for you to make food whenever you want to and that your bathroom is a clean space for you to escape to whenever you feel like it. Is Tuesday or Wednesday at 1:00 better for you?"

The fewer complex decisions a person in crisis has to make the better, so saying, "Is this or that better?" rather than offering open-ended possibilities can be helpful.

woman folding clothes

There is always laundry to fold, too.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

3. Do laundry

Offer to sit and chat with them, let them vent if they need to…and fold their laundry while you're at it.

Are they the kind of people who might be embarrassed by you seeing or handling their underclothes? Fine. Wash, dry and fold towels or bedsheets instead. Just keep the laundry moving for them.

And if it doesn't feel appropriate or desirable for you to do their laundry at their house, you can offer a pick-up laundry service, either yourself or an actual hired service. Tell the person to put bags or bins of laundry at the door and you (or the service) will come pick it up and bring it back clean and folded the next day. That's a great way to be of service without feeling like you're intruding.

man pulling food and toilet paper out of the car

Offer to pick stuff up when you're on a grocery run.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

4. Run errands for them

"Hey, I'm heading out to the store, what can I grab you while I'm there?" is always a welcome phone call or text. Let them know when you're going to be running your own errands and see if there's anything they need dropped at the post office, picked up from the pharmacy, or anything else.

You can also offer to run errands with them. "Hey, I've got some errands to run. Do you want to join me?" They may have no desire to leave the house, or they may desperately want to leave the house, so be prepared for either answer, but the offer is solid. Even just not having to drive might be a relief if they have things they need to pick up or drop off places.

woman holding hands with a small child as they walk

Caring for someone's kids is one of the most helpful things you can do.

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

5. Provide childcare

If the person is a parent, taking their kid(s) out for a chunk of the day can be a big help. Caring for yourself is hard when you're going through a difficult time, and the energy a person might use to actually do that often gets usurped by caring for others. Obviously, parents can't just neglect their children, so anything you can do to relieve them of that responsibility for a while is gold.

Offering to take the kids to do something fun—a day at the park, ice skating, etc. is even better. A parent knowing their kid is safe, occupied and happy is its own form of relief.

6. Ask what they're struggling with and focus your help there

While all of these practical household things are helpful, there might be some people who find comfort or solace in doing those things themselves. If that's the case, talk with them about what their immediate needs are and what they're having a hard time dealing with. Then focus your energies there. "What can I do to help?" may not be as effective a question as "What are you having a hard time doing right now?" They may not know what kind of help they need, but they probably know how they're struggling.

One person might be lonely and just want some company. Another person might need a creative outlet or a mindless distraction or something physical like going for a walk or a hike. Someone else might have pets they need help caring for, a garden that need tending or the oil changed in their car. Someone might even need a person to serve as a shield or buffer between them and all the people coming to offer their condolences.

Note that many of these things are basic life maintenance stuff—those are often the things that get hard for people when they're dealing with the emotional and logistical stuff surrounding whatever they're going through, and they're often the easiest things other people can do for them. A time of crisis is not a normal time, so normal etiquette, such as asking if you can or should do something rather than just letting them know you're going to do it, doesn't always apply.

If there's a specific thing with specific tasks, such as planning a funeral, that might be a good opportunity to ask how you can help. But people deep in the throes of grief or struggle often need someone to the reins on basic things without being asked to. Again, there's a good chance they feel like they're drowning, so don't wait for an invitation. Just grab the life preserver, put it around them and do whatever needs to be done to get them to shore.


This article originally appeared on 2.5.24

New baby and a happy dad.


When San Francisco photographer Lisa Robinson was about to have her second child, she was both excited and nervous.

Sure, those are the feelings most moms-to-be experience before giving birth, but Lisa's nerves were tied to something different.

She and her husband already had a 9-year-old son but desperately wanted another baby. They spent years trying to get pregnant again, but after countless failed attempts and two miscarriages, they decided to stop trying.


Of course, that's when Lisa ended up becoming pregnant with her daughter, Anora. Since it was such a miraculous pregnancy, Lisa wanted to do something special to commemorate her daughter's birth.

So she turned to her craft — photography — as a way to both commemorate the special day, and keep herself calm and focused throughout the birthing process.

Normally, Lisa takes portraits and does wedding photography, so she knew the logistics of being her own birth photographer would be a somewhat precarious new adventure — to say the least.

pregnancy, hospital, giving birth, POV

She initially suggested the idea to her husband Alec as a joke.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

"After some thought," she says, "I figured I would try it out and that it could capture some amazing memories for us and our daughter."

In the end, she says, Alec was supportive and thought it would be great if she could pull it off. Her doctors and nurses were all for Lisa taking pictures, too, especially because it really seemed to help her manage the pain and stress.

In the hospital, she realized it was a lot harder to hold her camera steady than she initially thought it would be.

tocodynamometer, labor, selfies

She had labor shakes but would periodically take pictures between contractions.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

"Eventually when it was time to push and I was able to take the photos as I was pushing, I focused on my daughter and my husband and not so much the camera," she says.

"I didn't know if I was in focus or capturing everything but it was amazing to do.”

The shots she ended up getting speak for themselves:

nurse, strangers, medical care,

Warm and encouraging smiles from the nurse.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

experiment, images, capture, document, record

Newborn Anora's first experience with breastfeeding.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

"Everybody was supportive and kind of surprised that I was able to capture things throughout. I even remember laughing along with them at one point as I was pushing," Lisa recalled.

In the end, Lisa was so glad she went through with her experiment. She got incredible pictures — and it actually did make her labor easier.

Would she recommend every mom-to-be document their birth in this way? Absolutely not. What works for one person may not work at all for another.

However, if you do have a hobby that relaxes you, figuring out how to incorporate it into one of the most stressful moments in your life is a pretty good way to keep yourself calm and focused.

Expecting and love the idea of documenting your own birthing process?

Take some advice from Lisa: "Don't put pressure on yourself to get 'the shot'" she says, "and enjoy the moment as much as you can.”

Lisa's mom took this last one.

grandma, hobby, birthing process

Mom and daughter earned the rest.

Photo via Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

This article originally appeared on 06.30.16

Identity

An open letter to men who will have sex with me but won't date me

"It's one thing if you're not into fat women — everyone has their preferences — but if you want to have sex with us without being seen in public with us, that's emotionally abusive."


Many years before I got together with my boyfriend, I had a sex thing with this guy that I thought was relationship material.

He not only had an amazing body but a great personality as well. I was honest when I met him that I was looking for something more than just sex, and he led me to believe that was what he wanted, too.

Between mind-blowing sex sessions, we ordered in, played video games, and watched movies — couple things but without the label. But when I tried to get him to go to a show or out to dinner with me, he refused. My frustration grew as the months went on, and one day I confronted him.


"Why don't we ever go anywhere?"

"We have everything we need here," he answered while simultaneously distracting me by caressing my shoulder blades.

"We actually don't," I said. "I'm hungry, let's check out that new Indian place around the corner."

"No! We might run into one of my buddies," he said, moving his body further away from me. The underlining meaning was clear — he couldn't take the chance that someone he knew would see him with me.

He needed to keep our relationship on the DL so that no one would ever suspect that he enjoyed spending time with me — a fat woman.

He was super fit, so obviously that's the kind of woman he wanted to be associated with, the kind he could be seen with at the Indian place.

When I realized he was ashamed of being seen with me, I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach — a place where much of my pain already resided.

To him, I was fuckable but not dateable. He dumped me soon after that conversation.

He did me a favor by not continuing to lead me on. Otherwise, I might still be trying to prove to him that I was worth any shit he might have gotten from other people. If I was still his secret shame, I might not have met my next boyfriend, so thanks, athletic asshole.

I had hoped that, in this age of body positivity, men would no longer need to hide their desires when it comes to fat women.

But I was wrong.

It's just a sad fact: Many men who are sexually attracted to fat women are ashamed of it.

They're OK with banging a fat girl, but they don't want to hang out with her — someone might judge them for it.

It's one thing if you're not into fat women — everyone has their preferences, and not every body type appeals to everyone. But if you find larger women hot and you want to have sex with them without being associated in public with them, that's emotionally abusive.

Everyone should have the freedom to express their desires openly (as long as there's consent from both parties). If you modify your behavior and wants to what you think will protect you from criticism and/or ridicule, then you need help because that kind of self-loathing will only grow until it has destroyed you.

Don't act like we're in a relationship if all you really want is to experience what sex with a fat woman is like.

I'll tell you what it's like: It's as amazing and fun as having sex with anyone who's into having sex with you. We don't have magic vaginas, and our breasts don't do any special tricks — well besides the usual, like feed or comfort people.

Fat women are just as hot and sexually gifted as women of other shapes, sizes, and abilities. Being fat doesn't mean we're so hungry for attention that we'll put our own needs aside and do whatever we can to rock your world.

If you're with someone who doesn't make you feel beautiful or who isn't proud to have you on their arm, you need to dump their ass.

Being alone is far better than compromising on what you deserve or being made to feel as if you're someone's big dirty secret.

You're not only dateable, you're lovable and worthy of being treated with respect and love.

I regret not standing up for myself when I discovered the athletic guy was only using me for sex. But at least I learned, as we all should learn, that I'm responsible for being my biggest advocate and to never accepting anything less than what I need.


This article was written by Christine Schoenwald and originally appeared on 06.29.18