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empathy

Mental Health

'Toxic empathy' is real, but maybe not in the way you've heard. Here's what it actually is.

The term has unfortunately been co-opted in the political discourse, but it's a genuine psychological phenomenon.

Photo credit: Canva

Empathy can become toxic when it starts affecting your well-being.

Empathy is generally seen as a positive thing and something we want people to cultivate in themselves. The skill of feeling what others feel can help build connections between people, prevent anti-social behaviors like bullying, and aid in resolving conflict, so it's good for society as a whole when people are empathetic.

So, why are people suddenly talking about toxic empathy? Can empathy actually be bad?

There are two ways people currently reference "toxic empathy"—one that arose out of socio-political commentary (largely stemming from the 2024 book, Toxic Empathy: How Progressives Exploit Christian Compassion by conservative commentator Allie Beth Stuckey), and one based on a real psychological phenomenon that some people experience. The validity of the former is up for debate, but the latter is a common term to describe a struggle with excessive empathy that leads to self-harm.

empathy, toxic empathy, mental health, emotional regulation, psychology Toxic empathy can cause distress and dysregulation.Photo credit: Canva

What is toxic empathy?

Essentially, toxic empathy (also known as hyper-empathy) is when an empathetic person over-identifies with someone else's emotions and takes them on as their own. While empathy involves the ability to feel others' emotions, toxic empathy goes a step further to intensely identifying with them, which can lead to overwhelm, burnout, and neglect of one's self.

"While 'toxic empathy' is not a real diagnosis, many clients have felt their personal experience of feeling overwhelming levels of empathy for others normalized by the society's use of the term," Kim Rippy, LPC, CCTP-II, a trauma and anxiety specialist and owner of Keystone Therapy Group, told Upworthy.

Rippy shared that clients she's had who struggled with toxic empathy found themselves frequently overwhelmed and energetically drained when trying to connect with other people. "Some clients have even been so overwhelmed with empathy for strangers in recent world events (war on Ukraine, war on Gaza, school shootings), that they become emotionally exhausted and even depressed from their high levels of empathy," she says.

empathy, toxic empathy, mental health, emotional regulation, psychology Social media can fuel toxic empathy.Photo credit: Canva

In the age of 24/7 news and social media, we can "doomscroll" all manner of trauma from anywhere in the world, which certainly doesn't help people avoid empathy overload. But like any other positive quality, empathy in excess becomes unhealthy and must be moderated.

However, licensed mental health counselor Courtney Schrum says it's important to remember that having too much empathy isn't a sign of moral failing.

"Most people who struggle with toxic empathy aren’t weak, they’re wired to belong," Schrum told Upworthy. "Science shows our brains evolved to scan for belonging as a survival strategy. Humans have a fundamental biological need to belong, and our nervous systems are attuned to social cues that signal inclusion or rejection. When empathy tips into self-sacrifice, it’s often because the brain is trying too hard to protect connection. Naming that helps reframe over-giving not as failure, but as evidence of deeply human wiring, and that makes setting boundaries feel less like rejection and more like self-preservation."

empathy, toxic empathy, mental health, emotional regulation, psychology Caring and compassion and empathy are good. But they can go too far.Photo credit: Canva

"The goal isn’t to care less," Schrum adds, "but to care in a way that doesn’t come at the cost of your own wellbeing. When empathy is grounded in boundaries, it becomes sustainable instead of toxic."

How to avoid toxic empathy

If you're a highly empathetic person, it can feel easy to slip into a place where you become overwhelmed and paralyzed by empathy. Here are three steps for navigating and avoiding toxic empathy:

Recognize the signs

You can't change something you don't even realize is happening, so check in with yourself if you feel like you're prone to this kind of struggle.

"Notice your body first," says Schrum. "Your nervous system often signals overload before your brain does. Tension, fatigue, or irritability are cues that you’re carrying too much."

empathy, toxic empathy, mental health, emotional regulation, psychology Toxic empathy can affect your nervous system.Photo credit: Canva

Set specific boundaries for yourself

Toxic empathy is essentially empathy that goes too far, so it's important to set boundaries to rein it in.

"A prompt I recommend often is 'Do I have the power and the control to change this?' followed by 'How can I make an impact in a way that is within my boundaries (such as resources, time, finances) to offer?'" Lorain Moorehead, Licensed Psychotherapist, PMH-C, EMDR-C told Upworthy. Moorehead explains that, sometimes, people dealing with hyper-empathy might feel the instinct to take in more "hurt," like watching the news or true crime shows, because it feels in some way like taking action, even though it's not.

"A simple internal reminder like, 'Their feelings are real, but they’re not mine to solve,' helps separate empathy from over-identification," says Schrum.

Nurture your nervous system

Empathy can be exhausting even when it's not to a severe degree, so if you are a person with high empathy levels, it's important to care for yourself to avoid slipping into burnout.

empathy, toxic empathy, mental health, emotional regulation, psychology Self-care exercises like journaling and spending time in nature can help you manage stress.Photo credit: Canva

"Practice recovery rituals," says Schrum. "After emotionally heavy interactions, do something that discharges stress: a walk, humming, journaling. This resets the nervous system back toward balance."

There's so much happening in the world, and we all have the ability to witness too much trauma, far too easily, all day long, thanks to our smartphones and social media. It can feel like too much, which is why it's all the more important that folks with empathy to spare take steps to ensure that they don't allow their emotional resonance to lead to self-abandonment. Empathy is good when it helps us connect with others, not when it leads to disconnection with ourselves.

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Education

Teacher reveals the 'really obvious' reason teens no longer read. It's not just the phones.

"Kids who read are just built different."

via Canva/Photos

A teenage boy stares at his smartphone.

Studies show that kids are spending a lot less time reading these days. In 2020, 42% of nine-year-old students said they read for fun almost daily, down from 52% in 2012. Seventeen percent of 13-year-olds read for fun daily, down from 27% in 2012. Among 17-year-olds, 19% say they read for fun, down from 31% in 1984.

It’s safe to say that modern technology is a big reason why kids aren’t reading as much. A recent report found that teenagers spend an average of eight hours and thirty-nine minutes per day on screens, compared to five and a half hours for pre-teen children. So, it’s no wonder they don’t have any time left to crack open a book. In December 2024, Ms. C, a high school teacher on TikTok who goes by the name @stillateacher, brought the topic up with her class and learned they stopped reading for fun at the end of middle school.

reading, kids, middle school, teens, tweens Read The Middle GIF Giphy

“So, even those who are like avid readers of the Percy Jackson series in fourth and fifth grade fall off,” the teacher says. “Honestly, there are many reasons to stop reading recreationally, like increased pressure inside and outside of school, a desire to spend more time socializing, and, of course, the phones.”

But the teacher says there’s an obvious reason “right in front of our faces”: the adults. “Adults have lowered the bar for how much you should read as a teenager so far that the bar cannot be found,” she continued. “There are many educators who have the mindset that you shouldn't teach whole books because kids just won't read them.”

@stillateacher
the literacy crisis is upon us #teachertok #teacher #highschoolteacher #englishteacher #education #literacy #booktok #creatorsearchinsights

“I've taught at schools where teaching novels is actually discouraged,” she continued. “And I have conversations with teachers in other content areas who say that they themselves never read books, that they don't think it's important for students' long-term success. All this said, it is not entirely surprising that high schoolers don't wanna read.”

How does reading benefit kids?

kids, reading, books, literacy, reading for fun, reading for pleasure Kids reading. via Canva/Photos

The significant decrease in the number of children who read for fun means that many will miss out on the incredible benefits of regularly curling up for a good book. Studies show that children who read for pleasure enjoy improved cognitive performance, language development, and academic achievement. Reading is also linked to fewer mental health problems, less screen time, and more sleep. Findings suggest that kids get the optimal benefits of reading when they do it for around 12 hours a week.

“You forgot empathy,” one commenter added. “People who read are better at empathizing because they have been able to put themselves in the shoes of others and learn about different perspectives, people, cultures, experiences.”

And @stillateacher has seen these incredible benefits first-hand. “But I'm telling you, the handful of kids I teach who do read are built different. Kids who read have stronger critical thinking skills, more success across all academic areas, and, honestly, just a stronger sense of self. Because reading helps you figure out who you are as a person,” the teacher said.

The decline in young people's reading is a serious problem that must be addressed. So, it’s terrific that the teacher used her platform on TikTok to bring it to the public’s attention. Interestingly enough, she says that TikTok is one of the few platforms encouraging kids to read.

“And honestly, thank goodness for BookTok because I think it is one of the only drivers of adolescent reading that still exists,” she concluded her post. “Isn't that sad? Like, the schools aren't doing it, TikTok's doing it. We gotta start a movement here.”

This story originally appeared last year.

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Mental Health

Experts share why being guilt-prone is actually a top sign that someone is trustworthy

There are tools to manage guilt in healthy ways.

Photo credit: Canva

A man appears guilty.

Self-conscious emotions often get a bad rap. When we think of shame or embarrassment, guilt is not usually far behind. We often assume these types of feelings are negative, but the truth is—they can be excellent indicators that a person has a pretty decent moral compass.

In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers sought to determine indicators of trustworthiness. The 2018 paper "Who is trustworthy? Predicting Trustworthy intentions and behavior" makes a huge distinction about their intentions right off the bat: "Existing trust research has disproportionately focused on what makes people more or less trusting, and has largely ignored the question of what makes people more or less trustworthy."

Their findings are pretty clear cut: The number one indicator of trustworthiness? Being prone to guilt. "Guilt-proneness predicts trustworthiness better than a variety of other personality measures, and we identify sense of interpersonal responsibility as the underlying mechanism by both measuring it and manipulating it directly. People who are high in guilt-proneness are more likely to be trustworthy than are individuals who are low in guilt-proneness, but they are not universally more generous."

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Writer Leah Fessler cites the study in her piece, "Who should you trust? Psychologists have a fascinating answer," for Quartz: "Guilt-proneness is not the same as feeling guilty, and this distinction is key to understanding why guilt-proneness is a positive trait, especially as it relates to trustworthiness."

It's all about the anticipation of guilt, and one's hope is: this trait might prevent someone from behaving in a negative manner. The line of thinking goes something like this: "If I steal money from Emily, that would really hurt her feelings, so I won't do it."

Fessler further explains, "We typically think about guilt as a signal that someone did do something wrong, which is why it’s seen as a character flaw." She references Emma Levine, an assistant psychology professor at University of Chicago. "But feeling guilty about wrongdoing is a good thing," Levine says, "whereas doing something wrong and not feeling guilty would be problematic, as it suggests a lack of remorse and no intention to repair your transgressions."

Explanation as to why guilt can be a good thing. www.youtube.com, Anna Akana

In the article "The Problem with Guilt" for Psychology Today, authors Tara Ceranic Salinas, Ph.D., and Ed Love, Ph.D., explain simply that "Guilt serves an important purpose in guiding our behavior by causing us to evaluate our moral worth and how we fit in the various communities to which we belong. Along with shame and embarrassment, it is part of the self-conscious emotion family, and these inward-facing emotions motivate ethical behavior. (Note: they don't distinguish between guilt or guilt-prone, but we get the idea.)

They acknowledge that "Guilt is tricky. Feeling guilty makes us realize we have messed up–even if we haven’t!" They provide a few tools for processing guilt, such as acknowledgement (owning what they've done), self-reflection (how does it make them feel?), and still having plenty of compassion for yourself after the mistake has been made. None of us are perfect, even those who are trustworthy.

guilt, feeling guilty, emotion, trust A woman looks guilty. Giphy

The Reddit post titled "Guilt-prone people are highly skilled at recognising other people’s emotions" has another spin on the matter. The guilt-prone aren't not just more trustworthy. They're more empathetic.

A commenter shares, "It's not surprising if you think about the neurobiology of it. Guilt, shame, and empathy come from the same areas in the brain. Psychopaths have less amount of grey matter in the parts of the brain that regulates these traits."

Probably safe to assume that "psychopaths" aren't the most trustworthy, so, yes—it totally tracks.

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Women's Health

Man makes valiant effort to sing while using a period cramp simulator. It's a good reminder.

"Why do I feel it in my KNEE, bro?!?"

Images courtesy of Tommy Montgomery and Talia Fossum-Wernick/TikTok

Talia and Tommy on stage during Tommy's Dogs in Strollers Babies on Leashes comedy show in NYC.

One of the biggest differences between male and female humans is the monthly menstruation experienced by most females. As our bodies prepare to build and house a baby, our uterus builds up a cushiony lining of blood. When no fertilized eggs show up, the uterus sheds that lining in a process that involves all manner of monthly symptoms including (but not limited to) painful uterine cramping.

Menstrual cramps can run the gamut from barely noticeable to incapacitating, and they can last a matter of hours or stretch on for days. People who struggle with bad cramps often try to explain how painful they are, but those who haven't experienced them really have no way of knowing or understanding what they really feel like.

jennifer aniston, friends, menstrual cramps Menstrual cramps are hard to explain if you've not experienced them. Giphy

Or rather, they didn't until the advent of the period cramp simulator. You may have seen videos of men being hooked up to cramp/contraction machines that simulate uterine cramps—but have you ever seen a man try to sing while wearing one?

Talia Fossum-Wernick shared a video of her with her fiance, Tommy Montgomery, on stage during Tommy's Dogs in Strollers Babies on Leashes comedy show at People's Improv Theater in Manhattan. Tommy is hooked up a period simulator that Talia controls, and as she bumps up the levels, he attempts to sing "Go the Distance" from Hercules. Tommy's a talented singer and makes a valiant effort, but by the time the machine ratchets up to level 3, he's wincing. By level 5, the pain disrupts his singing.

@shoobiedoboop
He did not go the distance. #comedy #sketchcomedy #musicalcomedy #feminism #periodsimlator

"Why do I feel it in my knee?!?" he cries out as he hunches over in pain at level 7. His attempts at singing go awry over and over, interrupted by his groans, wheezes, moans, and nervous laughter. At one point, he just says to Talia, "I love you, I'm sorry." As she takes it to level 10, Tommy tries to do a grand finale note, but ultimately, he's unable to "go the distance."

Tommy and Talia tell Upworthy that they had decided to add the bit to their act about 20 minutes before leaving the house for the show, so none of it was rehearsed or scripted. However, it was not Tommy's first time using the simulator.

"He bought it as a birthday present [a few years ago]," says Talia, "and he was like, 'I have a whole collection of videos of my male friends trying this.'"

They've had a bunch of their friends, male and female, try it, and much like the comment section, people's feedback shows how different each person's experience is. "It just runs the full spectrum of people saying 'as a woman I've never experienced this' and 'as a woman have experienced so much worse,'" says Talia. "I think it is a good reminder for the wide spectrum that all of this lives on."

woman curled up in bed, period cramps, menstrual pain Some women's period cramps make it almost impossible to get out of bed.Photo credit: Canva

Women in the comments were quick to point out that the simulator only simulates pain, not the dozen or so other symptoms that can accompany cramps.

"Mind you just the pain; no added nausea, feeling the blood exit, digestive issues, worsening of disabilities and symptoms, heat flashes, tiredness and fatigue…"

"And yet women perform on stage all the time while on their period."

"I think this is my favorite of all of the period pain simulator videos I've seen. cuz normally the guys just sitting or standing, but seeing this really shows how it can affect your day-to-day life if you're not prepared or used to it."

"Meanwhile, the lady who voiced Mirabelle was in ACTIVE LABOR while recording 'waiting on a miracle' hehe." (Fact check: TRUE)

encanto live, the family madrigal, stephanie beatriz Stephanie Beatriz recorded one of the song from Disney's "Encanto" while in active labor. DisneyMusicVEVO/YouTube

"And Endometriosis goes above a 10 and isn't only during your period. 😭 I was a competitive gymnast and dancer with that misery. Women are tough!"

"Honestly as someone with endometriosis and is also a performer this made me feel so much better."

"I remember being in absolute disbelief when I first experienced cramps… I could not believe us women were expected to function normally while cramping 😅"

The fact that so many women deal with this level of pain on a monthly basis and are just expected to suck it up and not let it affect them is bonkers when you see Tommy's reaction. Sure, women "get used to" it. Sure, it doesn't usually ramp up from 1 to 10 that quickly (though it can). But also? Women have every right to claim a trophy for toughness on this front.

Check out what happens when they swap and Talia wears the cramp simulator in response to a commenter who said the simulator had to be worse than cramps since he'd never seen a woman doubled over in pain like men do with the simulator. Hahahahaha.

@shoobiedoboop
Replying to @Friedfish1092 you have never seen a woman curl over in pain because A) she’s strong af or B) they don’t trust you enough to let you know they’re hurting ❤️

Again, the comments delivered:

"Conditioning, bro. Once a month every year from age 12 with no tolerance of missing school or work or sports or chores.. you get used to being in pain."

"It's not that the pain tolerance makes us feel it less, it's that we learn to compensate bc we have to. My mom said after getting a hysterectomy she didn't realize how much pain she had dealt with."

Tommy points out that even with the simulator experience, he knows it's not the same as what menstruation cramps and everything that goes with periods feels like. "I can still understand and listen and be empathetic, but ultimately it's not something that I will ever experience," he says.

One thing Tommy and Talia hope people take away from their viral video is the reality that this is something many women have to deal with on a regular basis and are still expected to perform normally. Another is that we need to listen when women say they're in pain and take it seriously. As many women in the comments talked about, even doctors often miss serious diagnoses because they don't listen or believe women when they talk about their pain.

woman at the doctor with abdominal pain Women's pain is often not taken seriously. Photo credit: Canva

"There's just a constant dismissal or lack of curiosity from men about women's experience," says Tommy. "Men should be listening and ask more questions. And men should be proud feminists and say that with their chest, and not be so protective of this version of masculinity that gets no one anywhere."

"I think there's a conversation to be had," says Talia, "and it's really fascinating to me that this one-off bit where he wears it for two minutes has sparked this huge conversation."

Talia says it's weird that we don't talk about the fact that many women we see on stage or performing or giving speeches or doing other jobs that require being "on" are doing so while managing intense pain, even though it's a common occurrence.

"I think I'm realizing for myself how my solution is just a bunch of Advil and to grin and bear it," says Talia, "and I don't know what another solution is and haven't really been presented with one."

Getting a feel for one another's experiences—at least as much as we can—is a big first step toward empathy and understanding. Perhaps seeing Tommy struggle his way through "Go the Distance" will help inspire more people to listen and understand other people's reality.

You can follow Talia on TikTok and Instagram and Tommy on Instagram. The pair will be bringing a one-act show written by Talia, The Lolita Apologies, to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in August.

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empathy

Health

The 13 signs that someone is 'dangerously good' at reading people

"You feel comfortable talking to them, and you find yourself sharing things with them that you don’t typically share."

via Canva/Photos

A woman enjoying a conversation while drinking wine.

Some people are just naturally good at reading others. They pick up on subtle cues, body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions that go over other people’s heads. They are adept at seeing past other people's words and cuing into the energy or emotions behind them.

People who are great at reading others have a significant advantage in being creative, building relationships, and building teams. But where does it come from? Why does it seem like some people have an extra social muscle that others just don’t?

Some posit that people who are adept at reading others often come from backgrounds where they grew up with chaotic parents or family members. To preserve themselves, they become keen observers of subtle clues to protect themselves against abusive outbursts.

A person uses the Babbel appBabbel

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This makes them excellent students of tone of voice, body language, and emotional states so that they can defend themselves.

abusive dad, angy dad, man drinking coffee, man in a robe, man pointing An angry man in his kitchen.via Canva/Photos

To those who aren’t brilliant at reading others, these people’s skills seem mysterious at best. So, a Reddit user posed a question to the AskReddit forum to see what other people have noticed about people who are great at reading others. “What's a sign that someone is dangerously good at reading people?” they asked. They received over 1,300 replies, and we compiled the best.

Here are 13 signs that someone is “dangerously good” at reading people.

1. You immediately overshare

"You feel comfortable talking to them and you find yourself sharing things with them you don’t typically share."

2. They're hard to read

"They themselves are typically hard to read."

"Or better yet people think they are reading you and know you but all they know is what you want them to think they know."

3. They're neutral observers

"Observe the person. It helps if you’re naturally empathetic. You can tell when they’re being sincere or when there’s motivation. You can hear it in their voice when they’re nervous, jealous, or uncomfortable. You can see it in their face. You can feel when their energy pauses, dips, or spikes. The key is to be neutral yourself. If you’re not invested in the outcome of the interaction at all, you can read others better."

"My mom is the one who tipped me off to this. She said it was the key to learning about our lives when we were preteens and teens. She said she was careful not to ever react in big ways to anything we said, especially if it was negative, because if she did we would be more likely to stop providing info. If she acted neutral, we’d keep talking."

woman, wine, party, conversation, social event, formal event A woman having a good conversation.via Canva/Photos

4. They had unpredictable parents

"Some people who grew up with unpredictable parents become hyper-observant of micro-expressions. When coupled with empathy and a good memory, they can ask good questions at the right time, or pick up on unspoken emotions (or intentions/danger). This can be a blessing and a curse."

"This is exactly how I got good at reading people. If I found myself unable to predict what my father was going to do next, there's a good chance bad things happen to me. It's born out of necessity."

5. They know you before you open your mouth

"They clock your mood or thoughts before you’ve even said anything. They would ask really specific questions. Not nosy, just oddly on point. Also, watch how fast they adjust. You’re all fired up, and they’re calm and grounding."

6. They're accurate

"When they say something about you that you’ve never told anyone, but it’s scarily accurate... like ?? How do you know that, that’s when you know they’re built different."

7. They may sabotage themselves

"People who are highly intuitive, very observant and understands people dynamics usually at the expense of knowing themselves well at times."

"OH MY GOD. This. This this this. This is exactly my wife who is by far the best people person I've ever seen...and she's terrible at understanding herself or solving her own problems."

man and woman, man in suit, serious conversation, talking with hands, blonde man A man and woman in deep conversation. via Canva/Photos

8. They understand receptivity

"Children and animals like and trust them. They are constantly aware of the receptivity levels of others."

9. They ask the right questions

"When they ask lots of questions to people, especially when they’re based off observations.

You usually don’t ___ and i see now you’re ___, is everything alright?

Since you’ve been dating your partner, I’ve noticed _____. What’s up?

I’ve noticed when you feel like ____ you usually do _____, and you’ve been doing ____ lots recently, how come?

NEVER in a way which sounds or is judgemental, is always evidence based, and as a result people are often willing to open up and elaborate more without fear of being judged. My friends do this and I try so hard to learn from them."

10. They don't show it

"One of the biggest signs that someone is exceptionally skilled at reading people is that they don’t show it. People who are truly skilled observers mask their awareness and let others underestimate them while they quietly collect insight. They downplay their intuition and pretend to guess poorly. Also, they ask or say things that are psychologically strategic."

11. You don't know them, but they know you

"You feel super close to them, very comfortable sharing anything with them and consider them a close friend. In retrospect, you realize you know next to nothing about them beyond the surface."

12. They can make friends with anyone

"I had a friend who was insanely good at reading people. He once told me 'if I want you to be my friend, you will.' I believed it too. He could be friends with anyone."

"That's kinda creepy ngl, smacks of the Machiavellian type more than the empathetic type."

13. You're afraid to lie around them

"You feel like you’re talking to a raven and you’re scared to lie."

This article originally appeared in May.

From Your Site Articles

communication tips

Joy

A woman accidentally said, 'Love you!' to an important client. His response was perfect.

He even followed up with a heartwarming e-mail.

Photo credit: Canva

Saying "I love you!" by accident is one of life's most cringe moments.

For many of us, telling our friends and family that we love them is second nature. Every time someone leaves the house, "Love you!" Before bed at night, "Love you!" Getting off a call with them, "Love you!"

That's all well and good until that sweetly ingrained habit spills over into your work life. Especially when you're talking to an important client, where the boundaries of professional conduct are particularly important to uphold. (Do you feel the cringe coming?)

I Love You Elf GIF by MOODMAN Giphy

A woman shared an oh-so-human story about absent-mindedly telling a client she loved him, and his thoughtful response has people cheering.

"Accidentally said 'Love you!' at the end of a call with an important client yesterday," wrote a Reddit user. "I heard him giggle as I hung up, and I was mortified. Today, I saw he emailed me this:"

from MadeMeSmile

The email began, "Hey—Just wanted to say that I didn't mean to laugh at you when you accidentally signed off on our call with a 'love you.' I just found it funny because I've definitely done that before, and I know it happens."

Okay, phew, he understood that the laughing was mortifying and he wasn't bothered by the "love you." But then he added the absolute best thing he could have said about the situation:

"I'm glad you have enough love in your life that that response comes naturally. If anything, you should be proud of that. :)"

Then he mercifully resumed their professional conversation. "Have a great weekend! We'll follow up about my call with Chris on Wednesday, as discussed."

embarrassing story, saying I love you on accident, workplace stories, professional communication "Love you!" Oops.Photo credit: Canva

He didn't just ignore the elephant in the room and let it hang over her like an awkward cloud. He put her at ease, letting her know he's done it before and it happens and is no big deal. But then he took it a step further, adding a deeper human layer to the moment by acknowledging the fact that the words flowing so automatically and easily for her meant she was surrounded by love.

The client's emotional intelligence and thoughtful response warmed people's hearts.

"What a great and respectful response. He is completely right, it’s such a beautiful thing to have that much love in your life that it comes out naturally."

"You work with good people."

"Honestly, this made my day 😂 It's so wholesome how they responded. Shows that a little kindness (even accidental) always leaves a good impression!"

"Such a classy response. Made you feel at ease while staying professional and moving the conversation forward."

"Green flags from that client."

Green Flag GIF by The Last Talk Show Giphy

People also shared their own similar experiences with blurting out accidental "love you"s and it was a veritable love-fest:

"I told my supervisor I loved her at the end of our weekly touch point call - she chuckled and said she loved me too. We shared a good laugh. I am happy to see empathy from a random human, it is much needed."

"I said 'love you' to my new boss at labcorp when she called me to tell me I passed my drug test. Same thing, hanging up, not thinking, she gave me my results and my start date to come in for orientation and I ended the call with 'bye love you!'"

"Back in the day I straight up called one of my bosses mom. It was so embarrassing I almost died."

"A surprising number of people have done this at least once. Happens when you’re distracted and tired. My ex husband (a prosecutor) accidentally ended a phone call with 'I love you' when talking to a rural county sheriff in the middle of the night."

Embarrassed Hide GIF by flor Giphy

"I had a coworker say 'love you,' just as we were about to hang up. There was an awkward pause, clearly neither of us had hung up, then he added, 'Don’t tell my wife.' We both laughed and finally disconnected."

"I did that with my ex husband last Thursday, we both burst out laughing lol. Happily we get along great and he and his fiancée are attending my wedding next week."

"Was on phone with my boss right after he had called his wife. He ended the call with "love you." Had so much fun telling him that while I cared for him, I didn't think it was love."

Embarrassing moments don't have to ruin your day—in fact, when handled like this client, they can turn into beautiful moments of human connection. This kind of relatability, empathy, and emotional intelligence makes us all feel better about our shared humanity, oopsies and all.

This article originally appeared in May.

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humanity

Democracy

Sophie Grégoire Trudeau shares the big understanding that can make democracies healthy again

In an Upworthy exclusive, Canada's "unofficial" first lady shares the root of political dysfunction.

via Pete Souza/Wikimedia Commons

Sophie Grégoire Trudeau at the White House.

Going through a divorce is one of the most psychologically stressful things someone can experience, right after the death of a spouse (and divorce is a sort of death of its own). But for mother of three Sophie Grégoire Trudeau, her split with Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has been even more devastating because it happened on the world’s stage.

The 2023 breakup resulted in Grégoire Trudeau experiencing chronic stress, so she turned to the yoga mat and self-regulation to find strength through the painful transition. "I have never been more attuned and caring of my mental health than through this whole process," she told Yahoo Canada. "I have been pushed to dig into my authenticity and to put my attachment issues aside.”

Grégoire Trudeau documented her struggles and triumphs in a recent memoir, Closer Together: Knowing Ourselves, Loving Each Other, where she discusses living with an eating disorder, confronting difficult truths, and finding a deeper connection to herself. Ultimately, it’s a story about overcoming adversity to live a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Sophie Grégoire Trudeau and Justin Trudeau

$Sophie Gr\u00e9goire Trudeau, Justin Trudeau, Canada, Prime Minister, Hamburg$ Justin und Sophie Trudeau at the Global Citizen Festival in Hamburg. via Frank Schwichtenberg/Wikimedia Commons

On June 24, 2025, she shared her journey at Aspen Ideas: Health during a discussion called “Sophie Grégoire Trudeau: A Personal Wellness Journey.” After the talk, she sat down with Upworthy to share a fascinating connection she made between mental health and politics: healthy democracies require citizens who feel safe in their bodies.

How to create healthy democracies

“Feeling safe in our bodies is a primal need. We all want to feel safe in our bodies. So, if you look at Abraham Maslow's pyramid, safety and having food on your table, a roof over your head—if safety is not there, it's game over for everything else. So, physical safety and emotional safety allows for better human connection. Better human connection means healthier democracies,” she told Upworthy.

She adds that when we are in survival mode, we don’t have time for our deeper needs and lack the bandwidth to develop or practice tolerance and empathy towards others. “You will not be thriving, but you'll be in more of a survival state, and when you're in that mode, your body is doing what it needs to save you. So you don't have much more energy and acceptance or tolerance to give to anyone.”

$Sophie Gr\u00e9goire Trudeau, White House, Melania Trump, Washington DC, first lady$ Sophie Grégoire Trudeau and Melania Trump.The White House/Wikimedia Commons

When we lack the space for empathy, it becomes harder to understand others, which can throw us into an unending loop of negativity. This can lead to constant rumination about how others are making your life miserable. “It goes on and on and on and on, and it never stops, and then you go and consume something on TikTok or on social media that is about how it's others' fault all the time. 'Well, of course you're miserable, it's their fault,' so that reinforces your rumination process.”

Once people stop showing compassion and empathy for one another, the entire democratic process, from how we discuss issues and culture—whether at our kitchen tables or on social media—is affected. The good news, according to Grégoire Trudeau, is that just like negativity can spiral out of control, positivity can do the same. “A negative loop will reinforce a negative loop, but a positive loop will reinforce a positive loop," she told Upworthy. “So, from a psychological perspective, we can help the brain do that by watching what we consume to stop the negative rumination process.”

The connection Grégoire Trudeau makes between politics and safety is a valuable reminder to all of us who wish to engage in the democratic process while promoting healthy discourse. How we engage with the other side in a debate reveals a great deal more about us than it does about them. When we find ourselves engaging in negativity or refusing to listen to another person’s needs, it may be a clear sign that there’s a significant problem we need to address within ourselves.

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