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People are sharing how they discovered their sexual orientation and every journey is unique

"I first realized that I liked men at the tender age of 12 while watching 'The Mummy' with Brendan Fraser for the first time."

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via Cottonbro Studio/Pexels and Maharael Boutros/Pexels

Everyone's journey of self-discovery is different.

Discovering one's sexual orientation is a deeply personal journey that unfolds differently for everyone. Some people have a defining moment when they know what they’ll be into for the rest of their lives, and others go through life without much questioning.

Some people go for more of a trial-and-error approach where they come to an understanding over numerous experiences, while others view their sexuality as fluid and would rather live without any label.

What’s important to remember is that there's no "right" timeline or method for this self-discovery. What matters most is allowing oneself the time, space and love to grow and evolve organically. Everyone deserves the freedom to find their truth at their own pace.

​A Reddit user by the name of Jacklawd asked the online forum, “How did you conclude that your sexual orientation is what it is?” It received nearly 5,000 responses from almost every sexual orientation imaginable. Many people's journeys also made them understand that they were asexual—meaning they weren't sexually attracted to other people. 

The discussion was valuable for many because it gave them a free place to express their personal journeys in a public forum. After reading other people’s experiences, there were many who felt a lot less alone.

Here are 17 of the most interesting responses to the question: “How did you conclude that your sexual orientation is what it is?”

Bisexual

"I can't remember a time when I didn't feel attracted to both men and women. It never went away, never wavered. Figured by 25, that's pretty well set that I'm bisexual." — TinyTinasRabidOtter

"Saw a hot girl. Saw a hot guy. Thought 'yeah both is good.'" — HailYourSelf717


Lesbian

"I accepted that I like women pretty quickly, but it was far harder for me to accept that I DIDN’T like men. I don’t know why but apparently that’s pretty common with lesbians. Compulsory heterosexuality (look it up) is a bitch. But one memory I frequently go to as proof is my especially close relationship with my 'best friends' and literally using one of her shirts as a pillowcase, vis a vis Jenny by Studio Killers. Also, having sex with a woman for the first time and all my fears melting away once I got lost in the moment. I can’t fathom being intimate with a man without feelings of extreme anxiety and nausea (no offense gents, you’re all great!! This is a me problem, not you!)." — Hannah_of-Acero

"I dated men forever and thought all straight women were attracted to other women. And then I had sex with a woman and there was literally no doubt. The glaring neon sign was there, I just didn’t see it for what it was. Nobody in my life was surprised though lmaooooo I wanted to have a big dramatic 'coming out' moment and everyone was just like 'oh good you figured it out.'" — melxcham

"I like my best friend -> I like girls -> bi?? -> I've never been attracted to a man -> lesbian." — Environmental-Cap727

Queer

"The labels got too annoying, so I just went with Queer. I feel comfortable with it, and it's not like I owe anyone an explanation. Nobody really asks for specific labels these days." — Random_Person


Gay

"I’ve liked guys since I was like 3. When I was 14 briefly wondered if I might be gay. Realized I’d never liked a girl and liked many guys so decided it was very unlikely. When I was 20 realized straight people weren’t typically interested in or turned on by the thought of having sex with people of the same sex as them. Decided I like guys so much more than I would ever be interested in a girl that it really didn’t matter. The thought of dating a girl is also a complete turn-off for me." — Harakiri_238

"I'm gay and grew up in a small, Christian village. So being openly gay was not really an option. I first realized that I liked men at the tender age of 12 while watching 'The Mummy' with Brendan Fraser for the first time. Everyone was talking about Rachel Weisz and I was always thinking 'She's pretty but... Did you see that guy?!' Then things moved back into the shadow thanks to some religious brainwashing and witnessing how my best friend was sent away to one of these 'healing camps' for just mentioning that he thought he is gay when we were 16. So I bottled it up. Dated a couple of girls, later a woman. Never was really into any of them. And I'm still to this day really sorry that I wasted their time. I completely closed that chapter when I moved to a big city and was finally able to explore myself without the fear of the entire village finding out and talking. I was 24 and had finally a feeling of knowing who I am and where I belong." — OneMorePotion

Straight Women

"I never had that need to explore my sexuality I see a lot of people have because I have only ever felt attracted to men. I’ve had women come up to me, but I have never even felt curious, I just don’t feel attracted to them. I guess that makes me straight." — NenaBurguesa

"I just knew as a young girl that I really liked boys. I had two older sisters, and I loved it when they'd invite their boyfriends over! I would bother them and ask them questions." — I_Need_A_Better_Name

Straight Men

"Heterosexual 34M here. Contrary to a lot of heterosexual men, I'm not just saying 'well I'm straight, that's it' because you also do have to realize it at some point...I played basketball and practiced jiu-jitsu, saw a lot of beautiful, athletic men showering naked, and never was attracted to them. I had beautiful gay men hitting on me and didn't feel attracted (nor repulsed, just: that it's not for me, sorry). So I concluded I was straight." — Teebo_

"When I was a teen I questioned it because I thought that even thinking some men are attractive made you gay. But I later realized that I didn't want to be physical or romantic with men at all, I actually am kinda repulsed by the idea of naked guys, I simply liked they way they looked. Same way I look at a car or something else that is aesthetically pleasing. But with women, I want to experience them physically, emotionally and intimately. I want to be with a woman, I don't want to be with a man in any way. So that's when I understood I'm straight." — MembraneintheInzane

Asexual

"After well over 20 years of never having a crush on anyone, it starts to dawn on you that maybe you're the odd one out not feeling anything. For me, sex was always just this super distant thing that I never, ever thought about unless it was brought up externally. Masturbation was always an 'oh yeah people do that, right' kinda deal. Any sexual body part was always either completely unremarkable or outright ugly. That people really did imagine having sex with people was surprising to me. 'Wait, they're not just meming about a taboo subject because it's taboo? People actually think that way?' Porn never interested me, and I have zero desire to look at it when I can instead be watching a documentary on Dave Stieb. Yeah, at some point it becomes hard to ignore that you're different.

"While I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by being asexual and being in a position where I never want to try sex, I definitely do feel like I'm missing out by (possibly) being aromantic. I can appreciate a well-written romance (note: most are not for infuriating pacing reasons alone), and it does feel like it's something I'm missing even if I've never felt it. While I can think of someone as 'pretty' or 'cute,' words like 'hot' and 'sexy' have no intuitive and intrinsic meaning to them. I can give you a dictionary definition, and I can tell you how other people use them, but I don't actually feel it." — 47Robin

"Fellow ace here. I really thought that people were kind of arbitrarily deciding who they liked. I really didn’t understand that you actually had some feelings for someone. I only thought it was kinda judging the appearance of someone. And it was just crazy when people started to like each other at like 13-15. I just faked that whole thing. I remember when learning about sex ed, in my own thoughts, I was like why do we need to know this? Nobody is having kids. Might as well learn about colonizing Mars or the Moon as well. I really thought everybody was like that and just lied about finding people sexy and the like. I can understand someone being pretty, but it’s the exact same feeling when seeing a sunset, art, or listening to great music or seeing a great movie." — Craigularperson


Aromantic-Asexual (AroAce)

"Never developed a crush, never felt drawn to anyone sexually, and even as I grew older was repulsed by the idea of having sex. I heard the term 'aroace', researched its meaning, and the label just fit. I am aroace. I can love people platonically, but I do not feel sexual or romantic attraction/love." —

​Pansexual

​"I fell in love with a man who transitioned. After I'd come to terms with 'losing' my lover, I realized that I still loved her just as much as I'd ever loved him, and that was that my pansexual orientation was born." — Fluffy_Fox_Kit


No Need for a Label

"If you're asking for insight to better understand others who are different from you, I think you've gotten plenty of great responses already. However, if you're looking for info relating to your own definition of sexuality, then I want to STRONGLY impress upon you that there isn't actually any need to define yourself with labels. Society is really obsessed with putting people into categories to better understand them. You don't have to do that. It's totally fine (and I feel really healthy) to just experience life as it comes. My mom is 65+, has 3 previous hetero marriages, and has recently found a girlfriend. It doesn't mean she's been gay the whole time. It doesn't mean she's straight and acting out. She's just in love, and that's great." — IronFlower

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Modern Families

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

Even in divided times, small acts of friendship help create vibrant communities where everyone feels safe.

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
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In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.

“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.

“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.

Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.

Understanding the journey

Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.

A warm welcome

Dee and Omary's son, Osman

Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”

Extending the welcome

Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.

Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.

Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.

“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.

“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”

Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

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Joy

Thomas Jefferson coined a hip and funny phrase for abrupt goodbyes that still holds up today

A great phrase for when you've just gotta leave without explanation.

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via White House/Wikimedia Commons and Canva/Photos

Thomas Jefferson and a woman waving.

"Irish goodbye" is a term for when someone slips out of an event without telling anyone, avoiding the awkwardness of announcing their departure. (Though the Irish didn't necessarily invent the phenomenon.) But what do we call it when someone decides to turn tail and leave a situation immediately, without any explanation at all? These days, there doesn't seem to be a name for a sudden, unexpected exit. Back in the 1800s, however, there was one, courtesy of the third president, Thomas Jefferson.

The phrase: "My name is Haines."

This may sound a bit strange, but it all stems from an unusual interaction Jefferson had while in office with a member of the opposition party. According to Monticello.org, The Weekly Picayune originally published the story in New Orleans on February 17, 1840.

The story behind "My name is Haines"

In 1805, during his second term as president, Jefferson was riding near Monticello, his Virginia residence, when he struck up a conversation with another man on the road. Amusingly, the man had no idea who he was speaking to, and as a rank-and-file member of the Federalist Party, which opposed Jefferson's Democratic-Republican Party, he had plenty of harsh words for the president.

monticello, thomas jefferson, jefferson house, virginia, famous houses Thomas Jefferson's Monticello.via Martin Falbisoner/Wikimedia Commons

The Weekly Picayune wrote:

"Haines took particular pains to abuse Mr. Jefferson; called him all kinds of hard names, ran down every measure of his administration, poked the non-intercourse and embargo acts at him as most outrageous and ruinous, ridiculed his gun-boat system as preposterous and nonsensical, opposed his purchase of Louisiana as a wild scheme — in short, took up every leading feature of the politics of the day, and descanted upon them and their originator with the greatest bitterness."

Jefferson simply listened, neither in the mood to argue nor to reveal his identity. When the two arrived at Jefferson's home, the president invited the man inside for refreshments. At one point, the visitor asked the president for his name. Here is how it was reported in The Weekly Picayune:

"Jefferson," said the President, blandly.

"The [devil]! What, Thomas Jefferson?"

"Yes sir, Thomas Jefferson."

"President Thomas Jefferson?" continued the astonished Federalist.

"The same," rejoined Mr. Jefferson.

"Well, my name is Haines!" and putting spurs to his horse, he was out of hearing instantly.

jefferson memorial, tidal basin, washington d.c., historical monuments, american history The Jefferson Memorial in Washington, D.C.via Joe Ravi/Wikimedia Commons

Why did Haines ride off so quickly?

There are many reasons Haines may have decided to bail on the president so abruptly. He was likely embarrassed after bad-mouthing the president to his face and may not have wanted to risk any reprisal for his harsh words. And as someone who harbored deep ill will toward the president, he probably had no interest in entertaining his company. Regardless, "My name is Haines" became a popular phrase after appearing in The Weekly Picayune , and it was used whenever someone wanted to leave a situation suddenly and without explanation.

The phrase would be used until around the Civil War, but by the beginning of the 20th century, it, too, had said goodbye. It faded away rather than vanishing in an instant, as Mr. Haines famously did.

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Perfectly '80s video of guys 'summer skiing' down a grassy hill is blowing people's minds

Yup, it's an actual thing.

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Photo credit: YouTube screenshots via Warren Miller Entertainment

People are blown away by this '80s video of people grass skiing.

The video absolutely screams "1980s": a group of young men walk up a grassy hill with some kind of equipment on their backs, clad in short shorts and loud-looking wind breakers. But then something weird happens: as retro synthesizers blare in the background, they strap on what look like tricked-out roller skates and start gliding down a grassy hill. They perform gleeful mid-air splits, leap over tree trunks, and enjoy the editing benefits of super-cool slow-mo. What exactly is happening here?

The video, which appears to be compiled from a 1984 skiing documentary, went viral in January 2026 through an X post captioned "In the 1980s many were certain summer skiing would become a thing." People responded with a blend of confusion and nostalgia—wondering if the video was even real, pointing out how dangerous this sport looked, and asking why they'd never even heard of grass skiing to begin with.

"Well, why didn't it catch on?"

Here are some of the best reactions:

"This looks like a great way to frolic"

"This looks incredibly fun"

"LOL! The body english on the jumps is peak 80s. I wanna go back, go back, and do it all over but I can't go back I know...."

"Yep Still have mine but wouldn't dare nowadays."

"Guessing the broken arms, legs, backs, and necks convinced people it was not a great idea. Snow is far more forgiving."

"Where does one find a grassy hillside like this?"

"Wait…… HOW IS THIS NOT A THING?!!!! Somebody make them now!!!!! I swear I’ll buy the first pair!!!!"

"Looks fun until you faceplant right into dirt"

"80s seemed like so much fun. I’m a 90s kid and that was fun too but 80s feels like it was more raw"

"Fun fact: crashing hurts less and causes less damage in the snow."

"Well, why didn't it catch on?"

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The history of grass skiing

If you're like most people in the comments, you'd probably never seen this footage, which appears to be taken from the Warren Miller documentary Ski Country. According to The Ski Journal, that film "marked the height of grass skiing in the United States," 21 years after the sport was invented by Josef Kaiser in Germany. They note an average pair of these skis "consist of 192 rolls and some 1,500 individual pieces," with variations depending on the discipline and application.

The ultra niche design, The Ski Journal writes, is part of the activity’s "downfall" in the U.S. "The skis are made to be carved, and so snow-plowing and hockey-stopping aren't possible," they note, "meaning options for stopping are limited to falling or running out of momentum at the bottom of the hill." Nonetheless, the activity did have a brief moment in the sun. It's reportedly been Stateside since 1966, when it first hit Bryce Mountain Resort in Virginia. In 2024, SnowTrex Magazine notes that competitions are still held in Europe.

If you want to learn more about grass skiing, check out the detailed page at the International Ski and Snowboard Federation website.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

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Gen X has been designated the 'worst grandparents.' Sadly, their explanation makes sense.

The latch-key generation doesn't hate their family, they're burnt out.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen Z
Photo credit: Canva

Gen X designated the 'worst grandparents' by Millennials

Generation X, typically the children of Baby Boomers born between the years of 1965-1980 tend to have a complicated reputation depending on who you ask. Some view them as a feral generation never to be spoken of poorly without consequence, while others view them as innovators pushing us into the future. But in recent years, Gen Xers have been dubbed the "worst grandparents" by social media users.

This multi-year conversation started when a video went viral calling Gen X out for being "terrible" grandparents, claiming that they never want to help with grandchildren. It didn't take long before other Millennials piled on to air their own grievances about Gen X grandparents. Most people criticizing the "new grandparents" were genuinely perplexed as to how they did not want to be more involved in the lives of their grandchildren.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen Z Family baking fun in the kitchen.Photo credit: Canva

Kylie Muse reveals in a video that she felt neglected by her Gen X parents growing up, saying, "It's quite a common theme for Gen X parents to be neglectful in some capacity and it's just crazy to me how more of them haven't learned from the past 20 to 30 years, instead of these grandparents seeing their kids having kids as an opportunity to restore the health in their relationships with their kids by showing up and helping them during the hardest transition of their lives, they would rather double down and compromise their relationship with that next generation. All for the sake of hyper-individualism and pride."

@kylies.muse

Gen x grandparents and their beloved empty nest 🥴 just say you hate having a family 😭 #grandparents #grandparentsoftiktok

The critique coming from the younger generation is not lost on Gen X, and they started coming out in force to respond with such vigor you'd think John Hughes had just announced the re-release of The Breakfast Club. It would seem that some of the people complaining of the lack of involvement have not considered that Gen X could have valid reasons for not immediately jumping in to take on grandparenting in the way some expect. A man by the name of John S. Blake gives a candid look into why Gen X was neglected as children and, in turn, became hype-independent at an early age.

"As a Gen X who's been on this earth long enough to have some hindsight I can tell you this, being independent at a young age is not a flex, what it actually means is capitalism is so brutal that our parents were forced to neglect their own children to stay alive. My generation was struggling so much that we had to leave our children unattended in order to produce enough so that we could afford to exist," Blake says.

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Replying to @ellens0061 #foryoupage #homealone #fyp #foryou

But perhaps one of the most heart wrenching explanations comes from an elder Millennial who goes by the name Amazing Dea. In response to another Millennial who asks about Gen X being let off the hook, Dea shares, "Being as though you look like you might be a younger Millennial, let me go ahead and enlighten you. Generation X and older Millennials had to live through more than just this pandemic. We had the crack epidemic, we had the AIDS epidemic and let me tell you something, it was scary as f***."

Dea went on to explain that there were apartment complexes burned due to high populations of people with AIDS living in them and how they would witness people go from being completely normal to being addicted to crack in a matter of weeks. It seems that depending on socioeconomic status, Gen Xers lived wildly different lives with the common theme being growing up entirely too fast at an extremely young age.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen Z Three generations smiling by the sea.Photo credit: Canva

Another person kindly breaks down the confusion over why Gen X isn't rising to the occasion of being award-winning grandparents. In response to the criticism she replies, "We grew up in a different time, first of all. A lot of us, meaning me, Gen X, I was raised by boomers. A lot of us did not get raised by our grandparents. We were like the feral kids, like by 7 and 9 years old we were actually babysitting our brothers and sisters, alright."

The woman explains further in the video that Gen X doesn't want to raise their grandchildren or simply be babysitters, that there's a difference between expecting grandparents to be involved and expecting them to be babysitters.

@that1crazy72

Let’s take it a step further. You share DNA with your grandkids they are part of you not everyone gets the privilege of being a grandparent so if you are one take that as a blessing #genxgrandparents

In many of the response videos shared by Gen Xers, they certainly seem to love their grandchildren and children alike, but there's a discrepancy in expectation. The consensus of the forgotten generation seems to be that they had adult responsibilities much too early, were exposed to adult life experiences at a young age, and were often left to their own devices for long periods of time while also being told that their voices didn't matter.

While the argument seems to be around their lack of involvement as grandparents, they appear to be saying that they want to enjoy the freedom they didn't have as children, while being valued as a person and not a babysitter. In many follow up videos, Gen Xers gushed over their grandchildren and how they loved when they were around. It's just that they draw the line at raising them. Maybe for some, their experiences with their own childhood isn't enough to move Gen X out of the "worst grandparents" category, but for others it provides much needed context.

This article originally appeared in June.

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Caregivers at senior living home share the 3 hard truths they wish everyone knew

"Sometimes people forget how much we love the elderly we work with."

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A caregiver helps their patient.

While caring for the elderly can be extremely rewarding, it comes with a specific set of challenges that aren't often discussed. Delivering high-quality care is vital for anyone in this position, but this must come with a level of patience many of us might take for granted.

While visiting my own mother in the senior living home where she resides, I was able to sit down for heart-to-hearts with a few of the caregivers who work for various residents. They opened up in a way I found beautifully vulnerable and surprising. Here are their stories. (At their request, I have changed their names.)

Setting boundaries with families

caregiving, caregivers, nursing, family dynamics, elderly, senior living Caregiver discusses a patient with another family member.Photo credit: Canva

A woman named Veronica shared that she often feels stuck in the middle of family disputes. "I don't like it when I'm just trying to do my job and take care of clients and I've got 20 people calling me. Sisters, wives, brothers, daughters, sons, and even best friends. Everyone has an opinion. I wish they'd have family meetings and decide what to do without sticking me in the middle."

Another woman, Anne, added her two cents, saying, "Family dynamics are tricky. I want to respect how hard it is to age on everyone in the family, without feeling like I'm inserting myself in the drama."

They want to be asked about their day

caregiving, caregivers, burnout, nursing, elderly, senior citizens A caregiver takes a break. Photo by Vladimir Fedotov on Unsplash

Anne shares that she sometimes feels invisible. "Sometimes I wish they would ask how things are in my life. What my hopes and wishes are. I would like it if they understood that sometimes I need a day off, or that my body hurts sometimes."

On a resource site for caregivers, one of the helpful tips is finding the balance between helping others and self-care. This means paying attention to their own mental and physical health needs. "Maintaining your health is crucial for being able to care effectively for your loved one. Take care of your own health by focusing on nutrition, exercise, and sufficient rest. Regular self-care routines can help you stay strong and resilient in the face of caregiving demands."

Mental Health America also has a few articles dedicated to self-care as a caregiver. "If you cannot remember the last time you slept properly, ate adequately, exercised weekly, or did not feel guilty about taking a sick day, then you're probably feeling the impacts of caregiving on your mental and physical health. Ask yourself: 'What could I do to replenish myself?'"

They go on to give tips: "Is there any small action that could improve my life or make me feel more content with my present state? If you're treating yourself fairly, the answer should be yes. Everyone always has some need that could be better fulfilled—caregivers are no exception."

Hard to say goodbye

caregiving, caregiver, elderly, senior citizens, loss, grief Elderly people holding hands. Photo by Dulcey Lima on Unsplash

Sometimes, especially after a caregiver has worked with a person for more than a month or two, they develop a true bond. While the connection is genuinely satisfying, it can make the loss of that patient even harder.

Mark, who has been working with senior citizens for two decades, explains how devastating the losses can feel. "I worked with a woman named Evelyn for seven years. She passed away at the age of 94. It's especially hard because when you're in this business, you might have three clients pass in the span of a few weeks."

Veronica added, "Sometimes people forget how much we love the elderly we work with."

These sentiments come back to decompression. Processing just one loss can be difficult. Having to do so for multiple people in a short amount of time takes extra healing time for everyone.

The resource site also notes how important it is to take breaks when needed. "Caregiving can be overwhelming, so taking respite breaks regularly is important. These breaks can help prevent burnout and give you time to recharge. Schedule time for yourself to engage in activities that you enjoy and that help you relax."

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How the 'vegan but bacon' theory can transform how people think about habit change

"Stop making arbitrary rules for yourself."

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The "vegan but bacon" message went viral.

Most of us have things we want to do in life, goals we want to achieve, but find that all kinds of obstacles get in our way. Sometimes those obstacles are external things we can't control, and sometimes they are internal things we aren't consciously aware of that hold us back.

For instance, certain mindsets can keep us from making progress, from negative thinking to creating rules for ourselves that don't actually exist. One example of the latter was brilliantly challenged by a vegan content creator named Liz, who had someone tell her that they'd go vegan if it weren't for their love of bacon. Her response was powerfully simple: "So do it. Go vegan but bacon."

Liz, Tiktok, video, viral, content creator, vegan TikTok · liz 🌱🥕🪱🤎 www.tiktok.com

The TikTok post was viewed nearly three million times, topped only by her similar post that said the same thing, but with cheese instead of bacon. Lots of people in the comments of both posts shared that they eat vegan 95% of the time, eat vegan only at home but not at other people's houses, or that they have one specific non-vegan food they eat but stick to plant-based foods otherwise. As Liz says, "Harm reduction is harm reduction," and most people do things a step at a time, not all at once.

The idea that you don't have to take an all-or-nothing approach to a certain diet or lifestyle was a revolutionary one for people who struggle with perfectionism. And, as another creator pointed out, this theory can apply to lots of areas of our lives.

"Stop making arbitrary rules for yourself," wrote Addie the Optimist on TikTok. "It prevents you from actually reaching your goals." She said if you don't have 100% of your energy to put in at the gym, go to the gym anyway and give 50%. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

The truth is, there are very few actual rules in life. Aside from laws of the land and whatever spiritual laws someone might feel are obligatory, the "rules" we tend to live by are generally optional and largely arbitrary. Three meals a day? Totally made up. Wearing workout clothes to exercise? Genuinely optional. You can just do things. You rarely have to do them any particular way, and you rarely have to do them all the way.

Giving yourself permission to do something imperfectly is incredibly freeing, and may actually lead to greater progress than perfectionism, as many people shared in the comments:

"I was like 'I need to go the gym but I only like cardio' then I realized I can do just the cardio and no one will come arrest me."

"Sometimes washing most of the dishes is washing enough."

"Half-assing is the stepping stone to whole-assing. 🙂↕️"

"If you only have 10% to give and you give 10% you have just given 100%."

"Sloppy success beats perfect failure!"

"Perfect is the enemy of done."

"Once you get out of the all or nothing mindset the possibilities are endless."

vegan, habits, food, vegetarian, eating You don't have to take an all or nothing approach to change. Photo credit: Canva

As Addie said in her video, "You don't have to be imprisoned by your own rules." That's easier said than done for some of us, perhaps, but seeing a mindset shift demonstrated like this can sometimes help us snap out of our own self-limiting thoughts. Additionally, having a short slogan to remind ourselves to ditch all-or-nothing thinking can also be helpful. So, the next time you find yourself feeling like you have to do something all the way or not at all, just tell yourself "vegan but bacon," and give yourself permission to follow your own rules.

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