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sexuality

Health

12 photos of women before and after an orgasm shines a new light on women's sexual wellness

"We hope that everyone viewing this project will feel more confident about their bodies and sexuality."

Marcos Alberti

Imagine if this kind of joy had a bigger place in the world.

You might recall Marcos Alberti's mega-viral "3 Glasses" project from 2016, in which he photographed people after they had consumed one, two, and then three glasses of wine. The series was impactful in part because it showed the physical transformation that comes from being relaxed after some wine. That, and it touched on a common curiosity. Haven’t we all wondered if we look as different as we feel after getting a little tipsy? (Spoiler alert: the answer is yes.)

Using a very similar format to “3 Glasses,” as well as the elements of lightheartedness, novelty, and rawness that made it so special, Alberti utilizes his photography to delve into a topic much less discussed: women’s sexual wellness.

The concept is simple: photograph women before, during, and after an orgasm. You can see why he calls this the “O” project.

Despite the subject matter, Alberti assures viewers that the intention wasn’t to be explicit, or even erotic, for that matter. The 20+ women who participated, of varying ethnicities and varying levels of sexually liberated versus conservative countries of origin, were completely covered below the waist while using personal massagers.

“The underlying message: all women deserve to be in control of their sexuality, no matter their background. Women should be free to be empowered by–and have a little fun with–their sexuality,” Alberti wrote on his website.

Similarly, Fan Yang, Global Brand Manager of Smile Makers (a sexual wellbeing brand that partnered with Alberti for this project) noted that the goal was to break through stigma and show female pleasure in a positive, healthy light. The hope is that not only society normalizes female pleasure, but that women themselves connect to their sexuality without “shame and secrecy.”

Given that all the women who participated were “in awe” seeing themselves “glowing and radiant” in their final photo, as Yang put it, it feels safe to say mission: accomplished.

Take a look:

marcos alberti, 3 glaas, big o, orgasm, sexual wellness, womens sexual wellness, personal massager, female pleasure An O Project participant. marcosalberti.com

In a video posted to YouTube, we get a behind-the-scenes look at Alberti’s process. Welcoming the models in, setting up his camera behind a curtain for privacy, talking them through the process, making them feel safe and comfortable, etc.

We also get to see the “awe” that Yang spoke of. It’s palpable.

“Initially, I was still apprehensive… [with] a lot of worry. And this one [referring to the final image] is like “Ha! Life is beautiful!” one woman shared, grinning ear-to-ear.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

We can talk ad nauseam about how women’s pleasure shouldn’t be a taboo subject, about how it’s a natural, vital part of her overall wellbeing, how it can lead to better mood, heart health, immune function, sleep, intimacy, self-esteem…yadda, yadda yadda…but there’s nothing like actually witnessing its semi-miraculous powers firsthand. It’s one of the things that make photography so powerful. We feel something raw and honest on a visceral level, so that we can THEN talk about it with empathy and understanding. It’s clear that Alberti knows this on a deep level and is using that knowledge for something truly good.

Be sure to follow Alberti (@marcos_alberti ) on Instagram to keep up-to-date with all his work.

From Your Site Articles

wellness

Sex Ed

Sex therapist reveals the 'mistake' couples make on date night before they've even left the house

People are debating the merits of doing the 'deed' before dinner.

Canva Photos

Going out for dinner, drinks, and dessert might make you feel sleepy; not sexy.

Physical intimacy is important in long term relationships. Somewhere between 15-40 percent of married couples are in what's defined as a "sexless" relationship, meaning it's normal for you to go a month or more without doing the deed. That doesn't mean all those people are unhappy, of course. When couples are on the same page about their frequency, even if it's low, everything can be hunky dory! But it's also often the case that one or more partners want more, and are frustrated. That's not a recipe for a happy relationship, not because the physical act itself is vital, but because a lack of sex usually has root causes like poor communication, less intimacy, or a lack of quality time together. When issues like this pile up and go unaddressed, divorce is a common endpoint.

But almost everyone has experienced those days or evenings where you have the best of intentions, you really do. You've secured a babysitter, carved out time for each other, and put all your ducks in a row for a romantic evening. But after a night out, you're just utterly exhausted! Does that mean you aren't attracted to each other anymore, that you don't love anymore, or that you're on a runaway train to Splitsville?

A sex therapist has one surprising solution for couples to try: Reverse the order of operations.

In other (slightly crass) words, "F*ck first."

marriage, couples, marriage advice, marriage tips, dating advice, love, relationships, relationship advice, sex, divorce Is doing "it" before going out a marriage-saving life hack? Photo by Womanizer Toys on Unsplash

Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist with 20 years of experience as a sex therapist. She's made it her mission, along with her husband Xander, to help married couples keep their spark alive with really down-to-earth, practical tips shared on social media (and some funny skits, too).

In one recent video, the Marin's challenge everything we thought we knew about date night:

"You're on the way out the door for a sexy date night," the couple narrates. "But stop, you're already doing it wrong."

In the skit, Xander then turns to his wife and cheekily says: "Oh my god, babe. We forgot to f*ck first."

"The whole idea is you have sex before you go out on date night or out to a big party," she says, "because, let's be honest, once you start eating, drinking, staying up late, it's really hard to get excited about having sex after a big night."

She then urges her viewers to try out the little tweak to the usual routine and let her know how it goes.

Warning: This video contains strong language.

@vanessaandxander
Watch this before your next big night out! We’re in the holiday party season—which means eating, drinking, staying up late, and falling asleep before intimacy can happen. 🥺 Use the "F*ck First" rule to increase the likelihood of intimacy. Instead of waiting until the end of the night, prioritize intimacy *before* you go out. 🍷🍽 Think about it—by the time the date's over, most of us feel full, bloated, tipsy, or just plain tired. And honestly, all you probably want to do is crash into bed, right? 😴 By putting intimacy first, you’ll avoid the post-date slump and create a stronger connection for the rest of the evening. 💫 And share this with your partner so they know what you’ll be up to before your next date night! 😏 #relationshiptips #forcouples #marriedlife #datenight #ignitethespark #spicytime

Marin explains in the video that the "f*ck first" rule was initially developed by love and sex columnist Dan Savage.

In an interview with GQ, the famous author of the column Savage Love explained that the concept actually came to him around Valentine's Day, when disappointed couples would email him the day after to ask if their relationship was doomed because they hadn't "consummated" their big evening out with their partner.

Warning: This quote contains even more strong language.

"They got flowers, they got chocolate, they got taken out to dinner, but they didn't [have sex]. And I would look at that trajectory: flowers (who gives a shit), chocolate (I love chocolate), a big heavy romantic meal with wine and crème brulée and everything else... and who wants to f*ck after that? So, if you want to make sure you get f*cked on Valentine's Day, f*ck first, then go out to dinner. ... Then when you go home you won't be going home to performance anxiety or disappointment if nothing happens."

He doesn't mince words, but you can't argue with his logic.

@vanessaandxander
Waiting for secs to “just happen”? 😬 That’s a fast track to frustration and missed connection. Initiating isn’t just about getting things started—it’s about owning your desire, showing your partner you want them, and keeping that spark alive 🔥 When you’re proactive, you’re creating a shared experience—not leaving it up to chance or falling into a one-sided rut. Take the lead. Take up space. Be an equal player in your pleasure. ✨

The video racked up nearly two million views and tons of opinions from people in relationships.

Many agreed with the approach and admitted to practicing it themselves to great results.

"it also builds a great connection for the rest of the night"

"This has worked great for us! Plus if we’re still up for it later… that’s just an added bonus."

"tried it, we just stayed in bed and watched Netflix. 10/10 would recommend."

"My hubby and I have done this for years lol. It’s a great tip!"

"me and my bf call this 'quickie before the function'"

But others felt the "rule" offered up some logistical challenges, especially for parents.

"Explain this to the babysitter for me"

"Nothing like our kids screaming outside our door to really set the mood"

A few commenters had concerns they'd never make it out to dinner if they did this, while others saw it as a perk.

"I can’t go out with my hair and make up ruined," said one.

Of course, falling asleep is always a major concern. Sex is tiring yet relaxing, and releases a combination of neurochemicals that's proven to make us sleepy. So, if you choose to practice this technique, you may wind up missing out on socialization time and the fun bonding you'd planned with your partner.

So, it seems there are no silver bullets for busy couples looking to make more time for intimacy. There will almost always be something getting in the way or fighting for your attention (like kids... always the kids). But if you've got your communication and affection down, and you just need a little extra time and energy, Marin's suggestion might just work wonders for your relationship.

From Your Site Articles

sex

Modern Families

17-year-old sought help for his little brother's mysterious 'pee' problem and the Internet delivered

"You are THE MAN he's looking up to right now."

Unsplash

A 17-year-old recently took to the internet with an... unusual problem. His 12-year-old little brother had come to him looking for advice, as little brothers do, especially for "sensitive matters." Even more pressingly, the teen wrote that he and his siblings lived alone with their 21-year-old sister, so there were no parents around to help — he was on his own with this own.

In a now viral post, the poster wrote: "I was driving my 12 year old brother to school when he told me his pee was white when he was in bed." What a conversation to start the day!

"I was trying my hardest not to laugh but I'm guessing he saw my smile because he punched me and yelled at me saying he was serious. ... How do i talk to him about this, I don't know what to do." At 17, you've barely just begun to figure out how your own body and sexuality works. Being expected to mentor someone else as they discover theirs is a huge burden to carry.

Embarrassed Duck GIFGiphy

Users chimed in to let the kid know: Even if he didn't realize it, this was a huge moment in his little brother's life.

You might recognize this setup as a wet dream, nocturnal emission, or one of the many other names it goes by. (Or you may have just thought the boy drank so much water that his pee ran clear — you wouldn't be the only one!) They're a simple, biological fact of life and a normal milestone boys experience during puberty.

To adults, wet dreams are kind of funny and ridiculous, but to young kids who don't know what's going on, they can be sources of shame, stress, and even fear. Some boys even wake up thinking they're sick or that something is wrong with them! It's crucial that these early conversations are handled well. And without a real adult around, this 17-year-old had his hands full.

Luckily, the folks from r/AskMen had plenty of great advice:

"The fact he's reaching out to you and trusting you in this VULNERABLE moment for him, is huge. Please do not embarrass him or make him feel small. Empower him. Tell him he is walking into manhood. Like others have said give him a high five or a hug or both. If he wants the science get him that info. Tell him he's okay and validate him. Because you are THE MAN he is looking up to right now," one user wrote.

"Just be 100% honest to him. When my son asked me where babies came from, I told him I would be 100% honest and that if he had any questions, I'd answer them. Trust me, being honest goes a long, long way," added another.

They even reassured him that it's OK to laugh about uncomfortable topics.

awkward kenan thompson GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

"I’d just start with 'I don’t want you to be embarrassed because it’s completely normal, but I may laugh just because I’m slightly uncomfortable because of how it was taught to me' or something along those lines. As long as he knows you’re not laughing AT him, that should help."

"Take it seriously but speak casually about it. Take the time yourself to understand (if you don’t already) how the male reproductive organ works and show it to him on one of those anatomy charts or something. Like 'here brother, this is a penis and this is how it works. It just so happens that you‘ve grown up and a new function is available'. ... The taboo is in your own mind. Speak casually about it and he’ll understand.extra context."

Experts agree with the honest, normalizing approach. All the weird and embarrassing things that happen during puberty (like new body hair, having to wear deodorant, etc.) are completely normal and no big deal. And they say that almost any approach to the conversation is better than none at all — leaving boys to get their information from peers or porn is a recipe for disaster.

Boys don't get nearly enough information about sex and their bodies, and everyone pays the price for it.

Surveys show when parents do talk to their sons about sex, it's usually about risk: Pregnancy and STI/STDs, namely, and conversations are often framed in a negative light. Don't have sex, don't have sex without protection, don't have sex with certain types of people... There's a lot of don't, don't, don't.

When college-aged boys were surveyed, a majority of them said they didn't get much information from their parents, and instead learned from peers, the media, and porn. Not ideal! The 17-year-old poster admitted that he never had a male role model explain puberty and sex to him, and he got all of his information from the Internet... which scared the heck out of him.

"I remember going online and just looking stuff up when i ended up on a website talking about HIV and STDs, and i remember getting scared ... I don't want my brother to go thru the same stuff i went through when i was his age."

If boys aren't getting conversations about their body, masturbation, wet dreams, and other uncomfortable topics, you can bet they're not hearing about consent. So not only do boys suffer when they're not prepared for puberty and beyond, so do their future partners.

It's awesome to see a big brother stepping up to the plate in the absence of adults. Armed with a little advice from well-meaning men, dads, and brothers online, the original poster said he felt ready to tackle this conversation, and future ones, with his little bro:

"I'll make sure i talk to my brother honestly and with an open mind and with no judgements, I'll make sure he'll feel like im someone he could talk to about stuff without making him feel like he's being judged. I'll tell him some few but important details about these changes going thru his body and I'll let him ask me questions if he still has some."

Well done!

From Your Site Articles

sex

Health

A comic that debunks myths about asexuality

Sexuality can be really complex.

Asexuality is often misunderstood.

In general, it's believed to be the absence of any romantic interest, but asexual identity actually means that a person is not sexually attracted to anyone. Romantic feelings and the strength of those feelings can vary from person to person.

Currently, about 1% of adults have no interest in sex, though some experts believe that number could be higher. For a long time, information on asexuality was limited, but researchers recently have found information that gives us more knowledge about asexuality.

Being asexual can be tough, though — just ask the artists from Empathize This.

To demonstrate, they put together a comic on asexuality, defining it as a sexual orientation, not a dysfunction:

This article originally appeared on 5.16.16

From Your Site Articles

Identity

People are sharing how they discovered their sexual orientation and every journey is unique

"I first realized that I liked men at the tender age of 12 while watching 'The Mummy' with Brendan Fraser for the first time."

via Cottonbro Studio/Pexels and Maharael Boutros/Pexels

Everyone's journey of self-discovery is different.

Discovering one's sexual orientation is a deeply personal journey that unfolds differently for everyone. Some people have a defining moment when they know what they’ll be into for the rest of their lives, and others go through life without much questioning.

Some people go for more of a trial-and-error approach where they come to an understanding over numerous experiences, while others view their sexuality as fluid and would rather live without any label.

What’s important to remember is that there's no "right" timeline or method for this self-discovery. What matters most is allowing oneself the time, space and love to grow and evolve organically. Everyone deserves the freedom to find their truth at their own pace.

A Reddit user by the name of Jacklawd asked the online forum, “How did you conclude that your sexual orientation is what it is?” It received nearly 5,000 responses from almost every sexual orientation imaginable. Many people's journeys also made them understand that they were asexual—meaning they weren't sexually attracted to other people.

The discussion was valuable for many because it gave them a free place to express their personal journeys in a public forum. After reading other people’s experiences, there were many who felt a lot less alone.

Here are 17 of the most interesting responses to the question: “How did you conclude that your sexual orientation is what it is?”

Bisexual

"I can't remember a time when I didn't feel attracted to both men and women. It never went away, never wavered. Figured by 25, that's pretty well set that I'm bisexual." — TinyTinasRabidOtter

"Saw a hot girl. Saw a hot guy. Thought 'yeah both is good.'" — HailYourSelf717

Lesbian

"I accepted that I like women pretty quickly, but it was far harder for me to accept that I DIDN’T like men. I don’t know why but apparently that’s pretty common with lesbians. Compulsory heterosexuality (look it up) is a bitch. But one memory I frequently go to as proof is my especially close relationship with my 'best friends' and literally using one of her shirts as a pillowcase, vis a vis Jenny by Studio Killers. Also, having sex with a woman for the first time and all my fears melting away once I got lost in the moment. I can’t fathom being intimate with a man without feelings of extreme anxiety and nausea (no offense gents, you’re all great!! This is a me problem, not you!)." — Hannah_of-Acero

"I dated men forever and thought all straight women were attracted to other women. And then I had sex with a woman and there was literally no doubt. The glaring neon sign was there, I just didn’t see it for what it was. Nobody in my life was surprised though lmaooooo I wanted to have a big dramatic 'coming out' moment and everyone was just like 'oh good you figured it out.'" — melxcham

"I like my best friend -> I like girls -> bi?? -> I've never been attracted to a man -> lesbian." — Environmental-Cap727

Queer

"The labels got too annoying, so I just went with Queer. I feel comfortable with it, and it's not like I owe anyone an explanation. Nobody really asks for specific labels these days." — Random_Person

Gay

"I’ve liked guys since I was like 3. When I was 14 briefly wondered if I might be gay. Realized I’d never liked a girl and liked many guys so decided it was very unlikely. When I was 20 realized straight people weren’t typically interested in or turned on by the thought of having sex with people of the same sex as them. Decided I like guys so much more than I would ever be interested in a girl that it really didn’t matter. The thought of dating a girl is also a complete turn-off for me." — Harakiri_238

"I'm gay and grew up in a small, Christian village. So being openly gay was not really an option. I first realized that I liked men at the tender age of 12 while watching 'The Mummy' with Brendan Fraser for the first time. Everyone was talking about Rachel Weisz and I was always thinking 'She's pretty but... Did you see that guy?!' Then things moved back into the shadow thanks to some religious brainwashing and witnessing how my best friend was sent away to one of these 'healing camps' for just mentioning that he thought he is gay when we were 16. So I bottled it up. Dated a couple of girls, later a woman. Never was really into any of them. And I'm still to this day really sorry that I wasted their time. I completely closed that chapter when I moved to a big city and was finally able to explore myself without the fear of the entire village finding out and talking. I was 24 and had finally a feeling of knowing who I am and where I belong." — OneMorePotion

Straight Women

"I never had that need to explore my sexuality I see a lot of people have because I have only ever felt attracted to men. I’ve had women come up to me, but I have never even felt curious, I just don’t feel attracted to them. I guess that makes me straight." — NenaBurguesa

"I just knew as a young girl that I really liked boys. I had two older sisters, and I loved it when they'd invite their boyfriends over! I would bother them and ask them questions." — I_Need_A_Better_Name

Straight Men

"Heterosexual 34M here. Contrary to a lot of heterosexual men, I'm not just saying 'well I'm straight, that's it' because you also do have to realize it at some point...I played basketball and practiced jiu-jitsu, saw a lot of beautiful, athletic men showering naked, and never was attracted to them. I had beautiful gay men hitting on me and didn't feel attracted (nor repulsed, just: that it's not for me, sorry). So I concluded I was straight." — Teebo_

"When I was a teen I questioned it because I thought that even thinking some men are attractive made you gay. But I later realized that I didn't want to be physical or romantic with men at all, I actually am kinda repulsed by the idea of naked guys, I simply liked they way they looked. Same way I look at a car or something else that is aesthetically pleasing. But with women, I want to experience them physically, emotionally and intimately. I want to be with a woman, I don't want to be with a man in any way. So that's when I understood I'm straight." — MembraneintheInzane

Asexual

"After well over 20 years of never having a crush on anyone, it starts to dawn on you that maybe you're the odd one out not feeling anything. For me, sex was always just this super distant thing that I never, ever thought about unless it was brought up externally. Masturbation was always an 'oh yeah people do that, right' kinda deal. Any sexual body part was always either completely unremarkable or outright ugly. That people really did imagine having sex with people was surprising to me. 'Wait, they're not just meming about a taboo subject because it's taboo? People actually think that way?' Porn never interested me, and I have zero desire to look at it when I can instead be watching a documentary on Dave Stieb. Yeah, at some point it becomes hard to ignore that you're different.

"While I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by being asexual and being in a position where I never want to try sex, I definitely do feel like I'm missing out by (possibly) being aromantic. I can appreciate a well-written romance (note: most are not for infuriating pacing reasons alone), and it does feel like it's something I'm missing even if I've never felt it. While I can think of someone as 'pretty' or 'cute,' words like 'hot' and 'sexy' have no intuitive and intrinsic meaning to them. I can give you a dictionary definition, and I can tell you how other people use them, but I don't actually feel it." — 47Robin

"Fellow ace here. I really thought that people were kind of arbitrarily deciding who they liked. I really didn’t understand that you actually had some feelings for someone. I only thought it was kinda judging the appearance of someone. And it was just crazy when people started to like each other at like 13-15. I just faked that whole thing. I remember when learning about sex ed, in my own thoughts, I was like why do we need to know this? Nobody is having kids. Might as well learn about colonizing Mars or the Moon as well. I really thought everybody was like that and just lied about finding people sexy and the like. I can understand someone being pretty, but it’s the exact same feeling when seeing a sunset, art, or listening to great music or seeing a great movie." — Craigularperson

Aromantic-Asexual (AroAce)

"Never developed a crush, never felt drawn to anyone sexually, and even as I grew older was repulsed by the idea of having sex. I heard the term 'aroace', researched its meaning, and the label just fit. I am aroace. I can love people platonically, but I do not feel sexual or romantic attraction/love." —

Pansexual

"I fell in love with a man who transitioned. After I'd come to terms with 'losing' my lover, I realized that I still loved her just as much as I'd ever loved him, and that was that my pansexual orientation was born." — Fluffy_Fox_Kit

No Need for a Label

"If you're asking for insight to better understand others who are different from you, I think you've gotten plenty of great responses already. However, if you're looking for info relating to your own definition of sexuality, then I want to STRONGLY impress upon you that there isn't actually any need to define yourself with labels. Society is really obsessed with putting people into categories to better understand them. You don't have to do that. It's totally fine (and I feel really healthy) to just experience life as it comes. My mom is 65+, has 3 previous hetero marriages, and has recently found a girlfriend. It doesn't mean she's been gay the whole time. It doesn't mean she's straight and acting out. She's just in love, and that's great." — IronFlower

From Your Site Articles

sexuality

Education

When it comes to love, prehistoric humans have a lot to teach us all.

Discover seven things about pre-modern love that everyone — single, married, and everything in-between — really needs to know.

Canva

Maybe we've doe some DEvolving in the love department

We're taught that "traditional love" goes something like this: Be a virgin, find a soulmate, get married, NEVER CHEAT, share resources, have kids, and dance at your 50th wedding anniversary.

It's a lot of pressure. And, frankly, if it really worked that way, divorce rates would be at 0%.

Love, as we know it, doesn't work the same way for everyone.

Chris Ryan, co-author of "Sex at Dawn" puts it like this: "You can choose to wear shoes that are too small, but you can't choose to be comfortable in them."

In other words, our outdated beliefs about the nature of sex and relationships could be hurting many of us.

"Sex at Dawn" was published in 2010, but people are still talking about it.

The book looks into prehistoric human sexuality — it studies the behavior of bonobos and other primates in order to get at the true origins of human love. Though readers loved it for offering a more positive vision of evolutionary psychology than ones proposed by Darwin, Hobbes, and Freud, the book isn't without its critics.

Still, as a filter for anyone trying to make sense of modern love, "Sex at Dawn" has a lot to offer.

Some of the insights in "Sex at Dawn" might surprise you, some might comfort you, some may shock you. It's an interesting journey into the prehistoric past, and it might sound more familiar than you'd expect.

So let's enter the shame-free zone and discover seven things about love that everyone — single, married, and everything in-between — really needs to know.

1. Competition was never about who was the biggest, strongest, or richest.

The King doesn't always get what he wants.

media.giphy.com GIF via Disney's "Robin Hood."

Competition for mates didn't happen in our everyday actions, according to "Sex at Dawn." It all took place inside ... not our heads, but our bodies! The competitive advantage for males, prehistorically, wasn't decided in the ring of life, with men competing for wealth, status, and resources to woo a lady.

It was decided ... INSIDE THE FEMALE BODY. From the book:

"Rather, paternity was determined in the inner world of the female reproductive tract where every woman is equipped with mechanism for choosing among potential fathers at a cellular level."

So ovaries are the original matchmaker? And what they're matching is the right biological match from prehistoric ladies casting a very wide sex net?

The book is right when it states that this theory "turns the standard narrative inside out and upside down."

2. The friend zone isn't real.

Bill and Ted are surprised by the situation.

media.giphy.com GIF via "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure."

Though the book mostly offers observations, it does posit one solution to the problem many societies have with thinking of female sexuality as property. You know the kind — frustrated Internet commenters complaining about being put in the friend zone (as if they had some prior claim to sex with a woman but the zoning commission came and denied that access to them).

According to the authors, there's a way out.

"If you’re unhappy at the amount of sexual opportunity in your life, don’t blame the women. Instead, make sure they have equal access to power, wealth, and status. Then watch what happens."

3. It's totally natural to miss or still have strong feelings for your exes.

The social norms are exposed through the movie "The Notebook."

media.giphy.com GIF via "The Notebook."

Back in the prehistoric day, it's believed that there wasn't really any such thing as an ex, because there wasn't really any such thing as a relationship.

In the olden days, a man wouldn't have even known for sure if he was a child's dad. He (and every other dude — and lady for that matter) would have more likely just assumed that they were each child's parent and provided and cared for them accordingly.

"... we hypothesize that Socio-Erotic Exchanges [forms a] crucial, durable web of affection, affiliation, and mutual obligation. In evolutionary terms, it would be hard to overstate the importance of such networks."

So if you find yourself getting that old feeling, just chalk it up to some prehistoric memories of communal village life, in which overlapping relationships were more like a '70s rock band tour bus.

cinema, music, autobiographical, Oscars, Hollywood

What happens on the tour bus, stays on the tour bus.

media.giphy.com GIF via "Almost Famous."

"For professional athletes, musicians, and their most enthusiastic female fans, as well as both male and female members of many foraging societies, overlapping, intersecting sexual relationships strengthen group cohesion and can offer a measure of security in an uncertain world."

4. Ladies make the first move.

Just not in the way you probably think.

dominance, pursuit, social norms, empowerment

The recently deceased Olivia Newton John makes her moves on John Travolta in the movie "Grease."

media.giphy.com GIF via "Grease."

It's all biology, baby. Meredith Small, an anthropologist cited in the book, suggests that during fertilization of a woman's egg, the egg actually may be reaching out and enveloping the sperm.

How's that for making the first move?

She goes on to emphasize:

"Female biology ... even at the level of egg and sperm interaction, doesn't necessarily dictate a docile stance."

5. Sexuality can be selfless.

Sex, in prehistory, was a way to bond your community together and provide a stable place for all the community's kids to grow, according to "Sex at Dawn."

I know. I'm a little scandalized by this as well. I'm a Methodist girl from Missouri; all this monogamish stuff is blowing my mind. But bear with me.

A story of elite World War II pilots stands out as an example of prehistory bumping into modernity.

Pilots of WW2 are markets with sex appeal.

Photo via Pixabay.

In World War II, the book notes, elite pilots were facing the highest fatality rates in the military. They had wives and families; they had a community. But every time they went to fight, they risked abandoning and possibly hurting that community in their death.

How'd they respond? These elite fighter pilots started to ease up on the strictness of their marriages and began some of the first "key parties" on record. Rather than being scandalized, author Chris Ryan was moved.

"It was so moving to think about what motivated them to open their marriages with other couples. They were cultivating these webs of love, or at least real affection, because they knew that some of the men wouldn’t survive the war, and they wanted the widows to have as much support and love as possible. This confluence of selflessness and sexuality seemed to connect so directly to the hunter-gatherer groups, where men also have a high mortality rate from hunting accidents, falls, animal attacks, and so on. It was an unexpected yet very clear reflection of the distant past."

6. The whole "women want resources and men want novelty" yarn is kind of contrived.

It's more subtle than that. And also, rude! This myth implies that all women trade sex for stuff, and that's not cool.

“As attentive readers may have noted, the standard narrative of heterosexual interaction boils down to prostitution: a woman exchanges her sexual services for access to resources."

Monogamy and relationships are assumed a default in our world. But they're not — they're a convenience born out of humans switching from hunter-gatherer mode to agriculture mode. The authors explain:

"... upheavals in human societies resulting from the shift to settled living in agricultural communities brought radical changes to women’s ability to survive. Suddenly, women lived in a world where they had to barter their reproductive capacity for access to the resources and protection they needed to survive."

beauty, health, standards, grooming, gender roles

The ladies on the television show, "Friends," wax their legs.

media.giphy.com GIF via NBC's "Friends."

Interesting. And totally outdated.

The good news is because this possessiveness isn't an innate human thing, that means just as we were conditioned INTO objectifying and commodifying women, we can condition ourselves right on out of it.

7. Sex doesn't have to be so serious.

As Ryan said in an interview with Dan Savage, "We hope [the book] encourages and empowers people to give themselves a break, to cut themselves and their partners some slack."

"We need to chill out. Like music, sex can be sacred but it doesn't always have to be. Sometimes we hear God in a Bach toccata, but sometimes we're just dancing and having a good time listening to the Rolling Stones. Nothing sacred about it."

If you try sometimes, you get what you need. GIF via The Rolling Stones.

This book is an interesting read, and it definitely provides a different lens on the way human sexuality came to be.

This article originally appeared on 02.12.16

From Your Site Articles

history

Science

17 photos of animals that prove there's nothing natural about traditional gender roles

These animals demonstrate the greatness of nature and its stubborn unwillingness to conform to human expectations for the way things "should be."

Image via Pixabay.

We have our eyes on you too.

Traditional gender roles are "natural," goes the common refrain.

Heterosexuality? That's natural too, apparently. Staying one gender your whole life? Definitely natural.

There's only one problem: Nature (and science) beg to disagree.

In reality, male and female animals set up their relationships thousands of different ways in the wild. In many species, males are the primary caretakers of the next generation while females ignore their offspring and mate promiscuously. Even the existence of "male" and "female" as distinct categories is often not so clear in certain species.

Some animals have the ability to change sex to respond to various outside pressures and conditions.

A few can even mate with themselves.

Here are 17 animals that demonstrate the greatness of nature and its stubborn unwillingness to conform to human expectations for the way things "should be."

1. Jacanas

"Mom went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back."

Photo by Ozan Kill

Ask any tropical bird out there, and they'll tell you that male jacanas are pretty much the best dads of the bunch. Not only do male jacanas stick around the nest to incubate the eggs and raise their offspring, they even carry them under-wing when they fly.

Meanwhile, female jacanas are ... not exactly super nurturing. After gathering up a harem of nearly half a dozen males and laying her eggs, the female jacana splits in order to fly around, murder the young of rival females, and mate with their former partners.

This is considered charming.

2. Clown fish

Clown fish were invented by Disney/Pixar in 2003.

Photo by Rachel Hisko on Unsplash

Like many species of reef fish, clown fish can, and frequently do, change sex. Unlike most species of reef fish however, all clown fish are born male and are led (in familial groups) by a dominant female.

When she dies, the next-biggest male simply ... becomes female and takes charge of the group.

What you just heard was the sound of a billion other species slapping themselves on the forehead at the same time, wondering why they didn't think of that, realizing it's now too late and that now they'd just be, like, hopping on the trend.

3. African buffalo

leadership, hierarchies, grazing, grasslands

Everyone is getting out there for an afternoon stroll.

Photo by Soerfm/Wikimedia Commons.

Not only are female buffalos are responsible for coordinating the movements of the entire herd — they do it democratically. When it's time to find a new grazing spot, each female takes a turn standing up and gazing in the direction they want to travel, and when they're done, the whole group moves that way.

While status hierarchies exist within herds, the elections are equitable — one cow, one vote.

Change You Can Moo-Lieve in. Make the Grasslands Great Again.

4. Bees

"Aaaaaaagh! Aaaaaagh! Aaaaaagh!" — Nicholas Cage.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Bees famously take the matriarchy to the extreme. A single queen bee oversees thousands of smaller female workers and male drones.

While most bees live, at most, a few weeks, the queen typically survives several years before the hive goes looking for a new queen to start the cycle over again. All to advance the species-wide goal of refusing to fly out of your car even though all four windows are down.

5. Komodo dragons

komodo dragon, eggs, offspring, evolution

Party out with your tongue out... alone even.

Photo by Mark Dumont/Wikimedia Commons.

Female komodo dragons can lay viable eggs that produce offspring without a male partner, which pretty much explains why komodo dragon Tinder never truly caught on.

6. Praying mantises

copulation, life cycle, insects, hunters

Not as romantic as it looks.

Photo by Oliver Koemmerling/Wikimedia Commons.

Mantis males are often smaller than mantis females, a discrepancy that leaves many males feeling insecure, as it enables females to frequently — though not always — eat their heads during sex.

7. Common reed frogs

amphibians, forrest, frogs, reproduction

So many choices for the day ahead.

Photo by ChriKo/Wikimedia Commons.

These tiny, resilient amphibians can change sex from female to male, allowing them to successfully reproduce if they suddenly find themselves surrounded by frogs of the same sex.

This ability makes them one of the most successful species on Earth at inspiring anxious Sam Neil monologues.

8. South American marmosets

"Hey, pa? You ... you wanna ... play catch?"

Photo by Maxim Bilovitskiy/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/en:Creative_Commons.

Female marmosets tend not to be terribly interested in their babies. A few weeks after giving birth, they're mostly out of their kids' lives forever.

Marmoset dads, on the other hand, are excellent caretakers, feeding, grooming, and transporting their young as well as coaching Marmoset Little League and always batting their kid cleanup.

9. Spotted hyenas

aggression, dominance, African plains, arid climates

Someone has to lead this party.

Photo via Pixabay.

Not only are female hyenas stronger and more aggressive than males, male and female hyena genitals are nearly identical in appearance. They're so similar that it's extremely difficult to tell the difference with the naked eye, which ultimately doomed the '70s game show "What Sex is That Hyena?" to cancellation after just half a season.

10. Seahorses

"OK, so. I need a really big favor."

Photo by Mikhail Preobrazhenskiy on Unsplash

While males of numerous species nurture their offspring, the male seahorse takes things several steps further. During the mating process, he receives eggs from the female and not only fertilizes them, but carries the offspring until they hatch.

A recent poll of male seahorses found that an overwhelming majority experience a secret surge of satisfaction when their partners get kidney stones.

11. Cuttlefish

coloration, species rivalries, genetics, fish

Blumph.

Photo by Michal B. on Unsplash

Unlike middle school boys across America, male cuttlefish don't have a lot of hang-ups about appearing feminine to their peers. Masters of camouflage, these future delicious fried antipasto will often alter their coloration in order to pass for female around rival males.

If an actual female is around, they'll leave the other half of their body as is, appearing half male and half female.

12. Topi antelopes

Oh hey.

Photo by Whit Welles/Wikimedia Commons.

Female topi antelopes are not only sexually promiscuous, but when it's time to mate, they almost always make the first move. In some cases, female topis pester male antelopes for sex so relentlessly that the male has to physically fight them off. (Cue dozens of Facebook commenters yelling at male antelopes for complaining about something that's "obviously awesome" and insisting they're lucky and should "just be grateful for the attention.")

13. Laysan albatrosses

"Al." "Al."

Photo by Patte David/U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service/Public Domain Images.

Some female albatrosses mate in female-female pairs, often for life.

(Side note: All male albatrosses are named Al Batross. Every single one of them. That's a proven fact).

14. Banana slugs

"When I think about you..."

Image via Pixabay.

A hermaphroditic species, banana slugs have both male and female sex organs and occasionally mate with themselves.

Though banana slugs do seem to prefer mating with other slugs, doing so typically ends with one slug chewing the other's penis off, because nature is a cavalcade of endless, random horror.

15. Orcas

"You have to hit the home button twice, grandma."

Photo by Mike Doherty on Unsplash

Killer whales live in matriarchal pods, and female whales are more likely to take charge of the group than their male peers.

The oldest female whales are often the go-to source for information about where to find food, and in exchange for keeping the whole family alive, the younger whales patiently show them time and again how to use the iPad.

16. Emperor penguins

documentaries, Antartica, frozen tundra, trekking

"Where is that voice coming from?"

Photo via Pixabay.

Anyone who's seen "March of the Penguins" knows that male emperor penguins guard their eggs tightly, perilously balancing them on their feet while their female companions go off to do traditional woman stuff like trekking across the Antarctic tundra, diving for food in the freezing cold ocean, and pleading with Morgan Freeman to shut the hell up so they can focus on not being eaten by seals for like five goddamn seconds.

17. Bonobos

genetics, sex, apes, animal kingdom

"Mmmmmm. Yeah. Mmmmm. All right. Yeah." — Bonobos, all the time.

Photo by Sean Foster on Unsplash

The female-led bonobos have invented perhaps the most ingenious way of preventing intra-species violence in the entire animal kingdom. Basically, everyone just has sex with everyone else — males with females, females with females, males with males, in pretty much every kind of way imaginable.

The near-constant hetero-homo-orgiastic delight that results pretty much prevents anyone from being mad at anyone ever and unites the species around the common goal of being the best apes ever invented.

We share about 99% of our DNA with bonobos.

From Your Site Articles

sexuality

"We hope that everyone viewing this project will feel more confident about their bodies and sexuality."

People are debating the merits of doing the 'deed' before dinner.

"You are THE MAN he's looking up to right now."

Users chimed in to let the kid know: Even if he didn't realize it, this was a huge moment in his little brother's life.

Boys don't get nearly enough information about sex and their bodies, and everyone pays the price for it.

Sexuality can be really complex.

Asexuality is often misunderstood.

Being asexual can be tough, though — just ask the artists from Empathize This.

"I first realized that I liked men at the tender age of 12 while watching 'The Mummy' with Brendan Fraser for the first time."

Bisexual

Lesbian

Queer

Gay

Straight Women

Straight Men

Asexual

Aromantic-Asexual (AroAce)

​Pansexual

No Need for a Label

Discover seven things about pre-modern love that everyone — single, married, and everything in-between — really needs to know.

Love, as we know it, doesn't work the same way for everyone.

"Sex at Dawn" was published in 2010, but people are still talking about it.

1. Competition was never about who was the biggest, strongest, or richest.

2. The friend zone isn't real.

3. It's totally natural to miss or still have strong feelings for your exes.

4. Ladies make the first move.

5. Sexuality can be selfless.

6. The whole "women want resources and men want novelty" yarn is kind of contrived.

7. Sex doesn't have to be so serious.

This book is an interesting read, and it definitely provides a different lens on the way human sexuality came to be.

These animals demonstrate the greatness of nature and its stubborn unwillingness to conform to human expectations for the way things "should be."

Traditional gender roles are "natural," goes the common refrain.

1. Jacanas

2. Clown fish

3. African buffalo

4. Bees

5. Komodo dragons

6. Praying mantises

7. Common reed frogs

8. South American marmosets

9. Spotted hyenas

10. Seahorses

11. Cuttlefish

12. Topi antelopes

13. Laysan albatrosses

14. Banana slugs

15. Orcas

16. Emperor penguins

17. Bonobos

genetics, sex, apes, animal kingdom

Pansexual