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Retired psychology professor shares 'brain filter' self-esteem hack to build self-worth

"The beautiful thing about self-esteem is that it that it can be built at any age."

self esteem, self esteem tips, self esteem help, professor, psychology professor
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Retired psychology professor shares self esteem tips.

Achieving good self-esteem and self-worth can be a lifelong journey and, sometimes, the most encouraging advice can come from chance meetings with strangers.

In a Reddit subforum of people sharing how they lead more disciplined lives, member Fuzzy-Sun-951 shared a life-changing conversation he had with a retired psychology professor who "showed me what's holding me back from discipline." They explained that the meeting occurred on a park bench as they were sitting and scrolling on their phones.

"An older guy sat down next to me. He must have felt my bad mood because after a while he asked me: 'Rough day?' I ended up telling him how I've been unhappy at work, how it feels like everyone else my age is doing better, and how I just feel stuck in this cycle of self-doubt," they wrote. "Turns out the guy was a retired psychology professor who'd spent decades studying success patterns. What he told me completely changed how I think about myself."

self esteem, self esteem gif, self esteem tips, better self esteem, self worth Im Good Enough Nighty Night GIF by Saturday Night Live Giphy

The retired psychology professor shared evidence from a 20-year study that "showed kids with higher self-esteem end up earning more later, regardless of intelligence or background." They went on to share, "I wanted to oppose him, disclosing that I didn't grow up wit lucky circumstances that would allow me to develop self-esteem as a kid and teenager. But before I could mention that, he killed my self-pity with a single line haha: 'The beautiful thing about self-esteem is that it that it can be built at any age.'"

According to the retired psychology professor, this is due to the brain's "reticular activation system," which acts as a filter system about one's self-esteem. "It means that if deep down you believe success isn't for someone like you, your brain literally hides opportunities," they added.

For example: "You won't notice the networking chance, you won't see the business idea, you won't even apply for jobs you're qualified for because some part of you thinks 'that's not my place,'" they explained.

deserve to be here, self esteem, self worth, good self esteem, self esteem gif William Byron Netflix GIF by NASCAR Giphy

The information completely changed the OP's perspective on why they always failed with discipline. They added, "'People with higher self-worth have higher dopamine levels naturally.' More energy, focus, motivation, and therefore more discipline. They sabotage themselves less because they actually believe they deserve good things."

As a final gesture of encouragement, the professor added that all it takes is tiny changes, and not to feel overwhelmed. The Op continued to share that "he told me that all I need is to start with tiny things that are easy to do daily, like putting sunscreen on or drinking water when you wake up. This seems to work because your brain is constantly looking for evidence about who you are. Right now it might be collecting evidence that you're lazy or unsuccessful. Start giving it different evidence to work with."

The advice resonated with others struggling with self-esteem and discipline in the comments. "'If deep down you believe success isn't for someone like you, your brain literally hides opportunities.' Wow. That slaps like nothing I’ve come across in a while," one wrote. Another added, "wow, I need to talk with strangers more often."

self esteem, self esteem gif, self worth, encouraging words, self talk you is kind the help GIF Giphy

Others also began sharing actions that have worked to improve their self-esteem. "One thing that I have been doing for years is making a list of '10 things I did good today'. I literally have a book filled with a page for every day filled with things that I was proud of. I have tried a lot of therapy read so many self-help books and… This is the only thing that has helped for me. It has literally forced me to look at the things I’m good at," one shared.

Another added, "Self esteem, like your professor said, is built by evidence that shows you are behaving in alignment with your beliefs about how You should behave. So the first step is seriously interrogating what exactly you believe about how you want to behave and who you want to be. Who is your higher self, your most actualized and fully expressed self. If you can get clear on that, all you have to do is start acting in alignment with your highest self, little by little. And again, as your buddy explained, the brain is constantly searching for evidence of who you are. When you see that who you are is evolving towards your highest self, confidence naturally seeps in and it is much easier to continue that process and get more aligned. I swear by this."

Another explained how lists also are helping them, sharing, "...every day in my journal, I have 4 short lists: 3 Things I am grateful for, 3 Goals for today, 3 Wins for today,1 thing I did today that scared me. It's such a small thing, takes maybe 5 minutes to do; a few minutes in the morning, and a few minutes at night, but it helps to rewire your brain to look for good things and the opportunities that come with them! Good luck out there. We're going to make it."

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5 ways people are going "All In" this week

From the silly to the sentimental, here are five ways people across the internet are giving it their all.

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When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? You might picture a color-coordinated, fairy-themed surprise proposal that took months to create, or maybe you think of a singer who went on stage and nailed the perfect high note in front of everyone (like this girl). Whatever you picture, the idea is the same: Going “all in” means doing something with total commitment—literally giving it your “all” and going completely over the top. No second guessing, no holding back—just full-throttle enthusiasm with some creativity and flair thrown in. That’s how we get those viral internet moments we can’t stop watching.

This week, we've found a handful of hilarious and heart-warming videos that perfectly capture what it's like to go "all in"—moments where passion, creativity, and commitment take center stage and something truly special happens as a result. Here are five of our favorite examples.

1. This "Sports Car" singalong

@_julianabba Replying to @courtney_azbell I’m okay @tate mcrae @t8 hq #tate #tatemcrae #tatemcraetour #sportscar #soclosetowhat #misspossesive #misspossesivetour #tatemcrae1 ♬ original sound - jules

The viral song “Sports Car” by Tate McRae has become an absolute viral hit, and it’s not hard to see why. Not only is the song super catchy, but her performance is show-stopping (you might even say she and her backup dancers go all in). Everyone is singing and dancing along—although this content creator’s rendition of the song might be the most passionate one. He gets a little too caught up, as you’ll see at the end of this video—and, well, his reenactment becomes "show stopping" in a different way. (Don't worry, though, he's totally fine.)

2. A little bit of everything, according to Reddit (but especially personal growth) 

This week, the team at All In asked Reddit users what they go “all in” on in their own lives, and the responses were entertaining and inspiring (and sometimes both). One commenter shared that they go all in on blue cheese dressing when they’re eating buffalo wings (respect), while another shared that they go all in on saving up their retirement (we love to see people reaching for big goals). Turns out you can go “all in” on everything from maintaining a healthy marriage to putting salt on your cucumbers. Our favorite responses, though, were people who went in on personal growth and learning. Click here to see what they had to say (and click here to snag a box of All In bars—for free!).

3. Pursuing a life-long dream 

@kynder.jpg that's my mom! 💙⛸️ #iceskating #followyourdreams #figureskating #lifeover50 ♬ No One - Aly & AJ

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking you’re “too old” to follow your dreams, watch this video, because this midlife mom will prove you wrong. This video shows a woman skating in her first figure skating competition—and she’s about to turn 50. The daughter, who filmed and posted the video to TikTok, says that ice skating has always been her mother’s lifelong dream, and recently she just decided to go for it. The costume, the composition, and the passion are all first-rate, but the best part is that the commenters are going crazy for her, too. One of them wrote, “As a former competitive figure skater, nothing makes me tear up like videos of people getting into skating later in life. The ice was my first love, it was home. Welcome home.”

4. These infectious dance moves

@itz_sokizzy

♬ Some Nights - Fun.

Okay, so unlike the figure skating mom, there’s nothing technically impressive about this woman dancing—as in, she’s not a professional dancer. She doesn’t use choreography or sparkly costumes—but what’s great about these videos is that her passion and enthusiasm just can’t be denied. It’s just her in her bonnet, dancing along to upbeat classics like “Some Nights,” by Fun, and somehow you can’t help but be completely mesmerized—and maybe start dancing along yourself. We watched a bunch of her videos—there are tons, and they’re all equally enthusiastic—and we couldn’t help but laugh and groove right along with her. That’s what’s great about going “all in”—it inspires other people, too.

Song re-enactments...with a surprising guest star 

@animallover.zx123 if you're done with your ex move on#just move on#ex #move on with your life #fyp #fyp #fyp #fyp ♬ Gladdest Done with your ex - GLAD FAMILY

People can sometimes be “extra” when it comes to their pets (like dressing up their dog as a cowboy or a mailman for Halloween). But there’s being “extra” with your pet, and then there’s going “all in,” which this TikTok creator undoubtedly does. King Guinea Adventures (@animallover.zx123) has built a platform on staging re-enactments of popular songs, but with a twist: the star of the show is a guinea pig. These hilarious videos show the guinea pig acting out the lyrics of popular songs such as “Video Games” by Lana Del Ray and “Whiskey Lullaby” by Braid Paisley and Alison Kraus. The literalism of these videos is what makes them actually hilarious, and it shows how much thought the creator put into making them (In “Video Games,” for example, when Lana sings “Swinging in the backyard / pull up in your fast car,” you see a literal toy car appear in the swing next to him. When she gets to the lyric “video games,” you see a Nintendo Switch pop up.) It’s creative, it’s funny, it’s fun—and best of all, this creator takes their love of pop culture (and the love of her pet guinea pig) and truly goes “all in.”

Snag a free (!!) box of All In snack bars here while this deal lasts. Just pick up a box at Sprouts and text a pic of your receipt to get it for free. Enoy!

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Joy

What makes kids popular in high school? Researchers found they share the same personality trait.

It's not looks, athletics, or grades.

via Canva/Photos

A girl is crowned prom queen.

Every high school has a few "popular" students that almost everyone likes. They are often chosen to be prom king or queen and elected to the student council. They are the folks that everyone waves to in the hallways, and they are usually confident and friendly.

So, what are the traits that make certain people popular and others slink by with little recognition? Are the most likable kids also the most athletic? Do they have a higher GPA? Are they more extroverted? Are they funnier? Are they more attractive?

Communications expert Vanessa Van Edwards was recently on The Dan Buettner Podcast, where she shared the common trait that popular kids have in common. Van Edwards, who describes herself as a recovering awkward person, teaches communication skills at Harvard University.

Researchers discovered the trait after interviewing thousands of high school students and asking them to list the people they liked at school. It revealed a significant finding: popular kids had the longest lists of people they liked.

What traits do popular kids in high school share?



The findings are straightforward: if you like a lot of people, many of them are likely to like you back.

Even though you may no longer be in high school, there are benefits to being popular in your workplace, church, or neighborhood. Van Edwards says we should all learn how to like other people if we want to be likable ourselves.

“Learn how to like," she told Buettner. "In fact, be free with your likes. The most popular kids were the ones who were first likers. In other words, they walked down the hallway and they say, ‘Hey, Dan. Hey, Sarah. Hey, Joy.’ They're the ones who walk into a class and be like, ‘Hey, you want to sit with me?’ They are inviters. They are likers. They are looking for good. And in that way, I think that we can train ourselves to be more likable by searching and hunting for likes."

@steven

Body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards reveals what makes kids popular and the common trait that all of them have 👀 Full episode on The Diary Of A CEO #podcast #podcastclip #interview #bodylanguage #tips #advice #tip #vanessavanedwards #expert #doctor #dr #didyouknow #popular #friends #diaryofaceo

There’s something very positive about the fact that people who like others are liked in return. It’s a great excuse to have an open attitude when meeting new people and to look for the good in everyone around you, even if they may be a little challenging to get along with.

What is the reciprocity of liking?

There is a concept in psychology known as the reciprocity of liking, which states that if someone likes you, you tend to like them back. Because when someone likes you, they are usually kind and supportive. Therefore, most people like those who like them.

However, there is one big caveat to this truth: People with low self-esteem often dislike themselves, so if someone shows them affection, they may not reciprocate because it makes them feel out of balance.

Ultimately, if you want to be the popular kid in any of your social or professional circles, you have to like yourself first. Because when you like yourself, there’s a much greater chance that you will like other people. This leads to a virtuous cycle of friendship growth, where you expand your social circle in a wonderfully positive way.

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People rally for plane passenger who defended his right to sit in the seat he paid for

A mom had given her child the man's seat with the flight attendant's blessing.

Photo credit: Canva

People rally for passenger who demanded his seat from a mom

Boarding a plane is always awkward, especially if you're in the later boarding zones. It's inevitable someone is going to sit in the wrong seat, usually by accident, causing a silly scooching and standing routine. But what happens when someone is in your seat on purpose? Not just any someone, a child whose mother informed them that they were allowed to sit there.

This is what happened to Osaac Summers when he flew with American Airlines recently. Upon boarding his flight he noticed a child sitting in his seat so he continued walking, possibly assuming that was not his seat. Summers is fairly tall, standing at 6' 2" which makes sitting in enclosed seats uncomfortable which is why he paid extra for an aisle seat. But since a child was occupying his seat he was prepared to allow the child to stay there while he found a vacant seat.

airplane seat; plane seat; entitled parents; man takes seat back; airlines; flight attendant Passengers seated on a plane, ready for takeoff.Photo credit: Canva

Summers tells the child's mother that next time she should ask the person the seat belongs to if they would mind swapping seats.

"I'm like ma'am, I really don't want to take the seat from you and your child but next time it'll be the best thing to ask before taking a seat. You know like just ask because I don't have no problem giving the seat to you if you want to sit by your family but right now you got me standing up, you know in the middle of the plane. Everybody looking at me and I'm just sitting here waiting on a seat or for you to get up and nobody's doing anything about it," Summers recalls in his video.

Instead of getting upset, the man says he went to find another seat on the aisle but was told by a flight attendant that he couldn't sit there. Summers explains to the flight attendant that he's long and needs to be an aisle seat which is why he picked his original seat. But was then met with the flight attendant telling him that the woman and child boarded the plane first, implying that their boarding order gave them permission to occupy the chair he paid for. When he reminded the attendant that the seats were assigned she then told him he could take his seat back.

@lalawright2

Respectfully they should’ve asked him if it was coo first cause he did pay for that seat.

This is where things go a little off the track. After explaining that he would feel bad for taking the seat the flight attendant allegedly told him that he would be the "bad guy" for sitting in the seat he paid to sit in. It was then that Summers told the attendant that he wanted his seat that he paid for to which the flight attendant responded poorly saying that the now seatless man could be removed from the flight.

The mother who witnessed the interaction did not move her child to the correct seat, instead she allowed her child to stay in Summers' rightful chair. Eventually another passenger offered the mother their seat so she could sit with her child but not before the woman's sister told Summers to shut up. Another flight attendant did come to the frustrated man's aid to attempt to calm the situation prior to him getting his seat back.

@osaacsummer

Visit TikTok to discover videos!

Someone uploaded a video of the incident on social media showing Summers responding angrily to someone who was upset he retrieved his seat. Another passenger told the story from her point of view which matched what Summers had already recounted. While passengers on the plane seemed upset that Summers wanted his seat back, people online were solidly on his side.

"So... you paid for the seat They tried to steal it then the flight attendant came and consoled them for NOT being successful in their crime? ok..." one person writes.

"So by the flight attendant logic, if I get on the flight and there's an open seat in first class, I get it because I was there first," another says.

@lalawright2

here y’all go

"You should report the flight attendants to the airline and demand an apology. You paid for the seat, they can't just claim it," someone else chimes in.

One commenter confirms "You weren’t remotely the bad guy here. They were incredibly entitled. They don’t get to use their kid to be rude."

Another person writes, "Let’s normalize when booking your flight you pick seats for you and your children to sit together. If not do not expect someone to give you their seat. I would’ve told her to rise up like the sun and get out my seat."

This article originally appeared in July.

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Fatherhood

Kindergarteners in 1949 were asked to draw their dads from memory. The results are stunning.

The portraits were even featured in Life Magazine.

Photo by Hans Isaacson on Unsplash

Young girl drawing a face.

It was just another day in West Hartford, Connecticut. The year was 1949 and the place was Sedgwick Elementary School. Father's Night was approaching, so Kindergarten teacher Doris Morcom asked her young students to draw portraits of their dads. From the Inside History (via @Life) Instagram description, "Each child drew a portrait of their father entirely from memory."

What made this extra special was that Al Fenn, a photographer from Life Magazine was there to photograph the children with their fathers holding up the drawings. They revealed "portraits that were both delightfully imperfect and surprisingly accurate, offering a tender glimpse in the way children see their parents."

Fenn, incidentally, spent 15 years at Life Magazine, creating some diverse, iconic photos. The Life website shares, "In 1931, as a gift on his first visit to Europe, Al Fenn (1912-1995) was given a Leica. By the time he returned to the States, his 'heart now belonged to photography.'"

In each picture, the children seemed to beam while their fathers looked, by contrast, somewhat serious. These photos have been posted on many social media sites, but on the Inside History reel, many of the commenters mention how business-like the fathers looked in their suits. One writes, "Not ONE dad looks happy from the results." But this gets some push back from, well, a middle aged man. "They are happy. This is how middle aged white dudes look when we're happy. I feel so misunderstood."

Another points out it was of the time to be more conservative in photos, as one didn't get as many takes back in the day. "Some of the biggest smiles you'll see in a pic from this time period."

A common theme is the idea that the fathers look older than your average dad in 2025. Someone counters, "These pictures were accurate. I find it interesting that many people are saying the dads look old when in reality, I think we are just being so inundated with people chasing youth and wanting to look forever 20-something. We don't realize that these people, these fathers, look normal."

On the lighter side, many also mention how strangely on point the portraits are. One jokes, " To be fair, I couldn’t even draw a picture of my dad while looking directly at my dad." It's also noted how deeply proud these children seem, not only with their work as artists, but as their role as kids to these dads. "Look how proud the kids are," one commenter exclaims.

Some note the similarities that a few of them look to celebrities, particularly Brian Cranston and John Cena.

Bryan Cranston, actor, celebrity, look alike, photos Bryan Cranston at the 2014 Peabody Awards.en.m.wikipedia.org

Their teacher, Ms. Morcom, wound up teaching for 35 years and just passed a few years ago at the age of 87. Most likely, she could not have known how impactful her sweet idea to have the kids draw their dads would be. And as an extra little treat? The fathers then took an aim at drawing her, which they proudly held up to be photographed.

This article originally appeared in July
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Democracy

If the total amount of money held by Americans was distributed evenly, how much would you get?

What if you got an equal slice of the country's wealth?

via Canva/Photos

A woman with hundred dollar bills.

The United States has more money held by private citizens than any other country in the world. According to the Federal Reserve, U.S. households hold a total of $160.35 trillion, which is the value of each person’s assets minus their liabilities. However, many Americans are perplexed by the fact that, in a country with such wealth, so many people still struggle to make ends meet.

Although Americans hold the largest amount of privately held wealth in the world, many of us still struggle with financial stress. A recent report found that 68% don’t have enough money to retire, 56% are struggling to keep up with the cost of living, and 45% are worried about their debt levels. A significant reason is that a small number of people hold a large portion of the privately held wealth in the U.S..

Nearly two-thirds of America’s private wealth is held by the top 10% of people, leaving the remaining one-third to be divided among 90% of the population.

elon musk, richest americans, elon musk black hat, elon musk sunglasses, doge Elon Musk at CPAC.via Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

What if America divided its privately held money evenly?

With so many people struggling in America, while a few at the top are unbelievably wealthy, what would happen if the money were magically divided evenly among the 340 million people who live in the United States? If everyone received a truly equal share of the American pie, every person would receive approximately $471,465. That’s $942,930 per couple and $1.89 million for those with two kids.

With that chunk of change, the couple could easily pay off the average U.S. mortgage and have plenty of resources to save for a good retirement and send both kids to a decent college or trade school. The billionaire who once had more assets than they knew what to do with would probably have to move into a middle-class neighborhood.

couple with money, middle class money, cash money, couple on couch, man and woman A couple with cash sitting on a couch.via Canva/Photos

However, such a drastic redistribution of wealth would be cataclysmic for the economy, as people would have to liquidate their investments to give their assets to others. The sudden increase in wealth for many, without a corresponding increase in goods and services, would lead to incredibly high inflation. The dramatic reconfiguring of the economy would also disincentivize some from working and others from innovating. Some posit that if everyone were equal, in just a few months, those with wealth-generating skills would immediately begin rising to the top again, while others would fall behind.

What programs reduce poverty?

Although it seems that a massive redistribution of wealth isn’t in the cards for many reasons, we do have some evidence from recent history on how programs that give people money can help lift them out of poverty. Government stimulus programs during the COVID-19 pandemic brought the U.S. poverty level to a record low of 7.8% in 2021. Child poverty was also helped by the American Rescue Plan’s Child Tax credit expansion, which drove child poverty to an all-time low of 5.2%. It’s also worth noting that the trillions in government stimulus had a downside, as it was partially responsible for a historic rise in inflation.

While for many, the notion that there are billionaires while others can hardly get by feels obscene, redistributing America’s wealth is more of a thought experiment than something that would realistically happen. But it highlights an important truth: massive wealth inequality exists in the world’s wealthiest nation. While perfect equality will never exist, that shouldn't stop us from making targeted efforts to reduce poverty that make a meaningful difference in people’s lives.

This article originally appeared in July

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Communications expert shares how to confidently interrupt someone who won't stop talking

The key here is acknowledgement.

via Canva/Photos

A woman falls asleep during boring conversation.

People who talk too much are doubly rude because they put the person they're talking to in a terrible situation. First, they have to listen to them go on and on with little care for their feelings. Second, they make the person listening feel rude when they eventually have to tell them to be quiet or walk away from the conversation.

Whether it’s someone at a party who wants to tell you all about their trip to Switzerland or a coworker in a meeting who gives 45-minute answers to simple questions, everyone has to deal with a chatterbox from time to time. The good news is that Jessica Chen is here to show us how to confidently (and politely) interrupt someone who won’t stop talking and redirect the conversation.

Chen is a global communications expert, keynote speaker, former Emmy-award-winning TV journalist, and author of Smart, Not Loud: How to Get Noticed at Work for All the Right Reasons.

@jessicachenpage

How to speak over loud people #Communication #CareerTips #SoulcastMedia #CareerAdvice #Communications #PowerfulSpeaker #Conversation #CareerSuccess

“People who are extremely loud and dominant in a conversation, it's because they love the sound of their own voice, and they feel like what they have to say is so darn important,” she said in a TikTok video. “Doesn't mean that you sit back and you just kind of, like, let it be. You still gotta be top of mind. And it's finding that split-second moment to insert yourself in the conversation, but acknowledging what they said.”

Chen believes that if you pop in when they take a breath and acknowledge what they said, they won’t be upset when cut off, because they got what they needed from the interaction. In a recent CNBC article, she shared a script on how to interrupt a chatterbox and redirect them.

meeting, talking too much, women at meeting, high rise building, business clothes People in a business meeting.via Canva/Photos

How to stop someone who talks too much

“So say the person’s name firmly and politely. This combination showcases both confidence and presence without coming across as confrontational,” she wrote. “Next, reroute the conversation to what you want to talk about. Be strategic by showing that you’re collaborative and trying to expand on their thoughts. People love to feel like their ideas were acknowledged, and it also creates a seamless conversational flow.”

For example:

“John, your thoughts on how to address the billing situation remind me of a similar problem we had last year…”

“Alison, that’s wonderful. I never knew that about vacationing in Paris. Last year, I took a trip to the Bay Area…”

If you’re not sure how to address the chatterbox, you can use this generic transition: ″[Person’s name], can I jump in real quick here? I’d love to open up the conversation…”

bored woman, boring conversation, boring date, blonde woman, chatterbox A woman looking bored in a meeting.via Canva/Photos

Why do some people talk too much?

According to Michelle C. Brooten-Brooks, LMFT, there are several reasons why some people talk excessively. It could merely be a personality trait if they are an extrovert or if they have high levels of anxiety and neuroticism. Additionally, individuals with high levels of disagreeableness may speak excessively to convey their point. Excessive talking can also be a symptom of autism, social anxiety disorder, or ADHD.

Ultimately, we shouldn’t feel bad about interrupting people who talk too much because they chose to be inconsiderate of your time and attention in the first place. Unless a mental disorder causes their excessive talking, then you shouldn’t feel bad about cutting off someone who is forcing you to be overly generous with your time and attention.

This article originally appeared in July

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