In a relationship, it can be a little uncomfortable when a super attractive person comes on the TV. Maybe a beautiful actress or a handsome athlete. How couples handle these moments can actually tell you a lot about them and their relationship. Do they talk about it? Squirm in silence?
One of the ways to tell if you're in a healthy relationship is whether you and your partner are free to talk about other people you find attractive. For many couples, bringing up such a sensitive topic can cause some major jealousy.
OK, maybe don't do this around your partner. Or ever. Giphy
Of course, there's a healthy way to approach such a potentially dangerous topic. Telling your partner you find someone else attractive shouldn't be about making them feel jealous. It's probably also best that if you're attracted to a coworker, friend, or their sibling, that you keep it to yourself.
But, being open about your sexual feelings, can be a way to spice things up in the bedroom and to let your partner know what you like.
Actress and mental health advocate Kristen Bell admits that she and her husband, actor Dax Shepard, have learned how to be open about their attraction to other people.
Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard are one of the most relatable couples in Hollywood.By MingleMediaTVNetwork - Kristen Bell, CC BY-SA 2.0
The couple believes that being able to talk about such taboo topics without making each other jealous is a great way to preserve their relationship.
"He can tell me someone he finds attractive, female or male, 'cause he pauses the Olympics on a lot of runners, but it doesn't make me feel like he's going to leave me for that person because I'm not allowing my self-esteem to be affected," she explained.
Bell believes that it's completely normal and healthy for people in monogamous relationships to be attracted to other people.
"I know there are people on planet Earth that are more attractive than me, and well, we're not dead. I have to acknowledge we're monkeys," Bell said. As an attractive, famous couple working in Hollywood, there is extra pressure for them to be able to handle their jealousy.
Some couples might choose to keep their attraction to others a little closer to the vest, and that's OK, too. But if you feel like you have to lie or pretend that no one else on the planet is good looking, well, your relationship may have some communication issues to examine.
The couple has also done a good job at accepting the fact that Bell is the primary bread-winner in the family. Studies show men have higher levels of stress if their wives earn more than 40% of their home's combined income.
About a third of women in the U.S. make more than their husbands.
While Shepard has had a successful career, acting in films such as "Idiocracy" and "Without a Paddle," Bell has starred in some major hits including, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and the "Bad Moms" films.
She's also made a pretty penny voicing Princess Anna in Disney's "Frozen" franchise. Shephard's work on his successful podcast "Armchair Expert" has no doubt been a big boon for their family, but come on: Bell's got Disney money!
Kristen Bell plays Anna in Frozen, so her career has been going OK. Giphy
"I think I've always out-earned him," Bell said about their careers. "I got a lot of opportunity, you're sharing in it, we're able to provide for a ton of our family members who may or may not be struggling," she continued, as if addressing Shepard. "I don't look at it like, 'This is mine and this is yours.' I'm like, 'This is ours. Get over it.'"
Bell and Shepard have also worked through his very public battles with addiction, including a relapse after a motorcycle accident in 2020. FHE Health writes, "Bell shared [at the time] that Dax was forthcoming with her about falling back into the desire to use and communicated that he wanted her help coming up with a new plan for how to keep him sober."
Bell believes that the couple's ability to get over petty jealousy is one way to make sure their unique relationship stands the test of time. But it's not just about suppressing jealousy. It's about open, honest communication; even when it's hard or uncomfortable. That, truly, is one of the bedrocks of a successful marriage.
"Do you want to be on the porch with someone when you're 80?" Bell asked. "We both want that."
No one knows the inner workings of anyone else's relationship, of course, but from the outside, Bell and Shepard sure seem like great role models for how to keep love alive in a longterm marriage.
This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.
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