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25 pairs of famous but contradictory idioms that have us more confused than ever

Why do we say "out of sight, out of mind" if absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Language, like humanity is very contradictory.

While idioms and proverbs have their differences—mainly that proverbs convey a bit of common wisdom, whereas idioms do not have to have that component—both aim to make sense of the world in concise, easy-to-understand ways.

But both can completely fail at this since both tend to contradict themselves. For instance, there seems to be very differing schools of thought when it comes to hurrying versus being patient, as is indicated by these contrasting phrases:

The early bird gets the worm.

Haste makes waste.

All good things come to him who waits.

A stitch in time saves nine.

Look before you leap.

He who hesitates is lost.

Slow and steady wins the race, but time waits for no man.

Like…huh? Clearly the only idiom that’s actually true in this regard is hurry up and wait.

huh, question, confused, unsure, what? Confusion. media2.giphy.com

But there’s more where that came from! Here are some other proverbs, idioms, and clichés that mean the complete opposite.

  1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder / Out of sight, out of mind.
  2. Attack is the best form of defense / He who lives by the sword dies by the sword.
  3. Clothes make the man / You cannot judge a book by its cover.
  4. Do it well or not at all / Done is better than perfect.
  5. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth / Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.
  6. Doubt is the beginning of wisdom / Faith will move mountains.
  7. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise / Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.
  8. Faint heart never won a fair lady / The meek shall inherit the earth.
  9. Familiarity breeds contempt / Home is where the heart is.
  10. Great minds think alike / Fools seldom differ.
  11. Hold fast to the words of your ancestors / Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.
  12. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again / Don’t beat your head against a wall.
  13. It’s better to be safe than sorry / Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
  14. Laugh and the world laughs with you; weep and you weep alone / Misery loves company.
  15. Love makes the world go around / When poverty comes in the door, love flies out the window.
  16. Many hands make light work / Too make cooks spoil the broth.
  17. Money is the root of all evil / Money makes the world go around.
  18. Opposites attract / Birds of a feather flock together.
  19. Save for a rainy day / Tomorrow will take care of itself.
  20. The best things in life are free / There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
  21. The pen is mightier than the sword / Actions speak louder than words.
  22. The squeaky wheel gets the grease / Silence is golden.
  23. Two’s company, three’s a crowd / The more the merrier.
  24. With age comes wisdom / Out of the mouths of babes, come all wise sayings.
  25. You’re never too old to learn / You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Just goes to show that no matter which direction you decide to go in life, there’s likely a saying to back up your reasoning. Because life isn’t, as they say, one size fits all.

Culture

Linguist explains why Brits add an 'r' sound to words that end in vowels, but only sometimes

This is why "Anna is cute" becomes "Anner is cute" in British English.

American English vs. British English

Learning to speak English must be confusing when it's not your first language, especially considering how many distinct English accents there are. If you learn English strictly from American teachers, you'll end up pronouncing the language differently than if your teachers are British, Australian, or New Zealander.

One difference between American and British English is the way the two treat the "r' sound. American English uses the hard "r" sound (which is one of the rarest linguistic sounds in the world) a lot. Brits generally drop it at the end of words—father becomes "fath-uh," water becomes "wat-uh," and so on—and yet, Brits also insert "r' sounds where there isn't a letter "r," which is super confusing for Americans.

letter R, r sound, rhotic, non-rhotic, english accents How Brits use the "r" sound is confusing to Americans. Photo credit: Canva

Case in point: I watched Hamilton on stage in London, and in the final number, the whole cast sang "Angelic-er and Eliza were at his side when he died." How did they turn Angelica into Angelic-er? (Especially when they were supposed to be using American accents?)

A linguist named Derek explains that the inserted "r" in British English serves a specific purpose—as a placeholder to distinguish between the vowel sound at the end of one word and the vowel sound at the beginning of the next word.

@derek__ling

Answering more accent questions #language #linguistics #accents #english

So "America is" becomes "Americ-er is" and "banana is" becomes "banan-er is." (Or "banana rizz" as one clever commenter pointed out.) It's called an "intrusive R" and it sounds downright strange to the American ear. We're used to hearing "r" sounds all the time, but not in places where there isn't actually an "r" anywhere to be found.

When a word ends in a vowel and the next word begins with a vowel, Americans just slide the vowels together or sometimes put a little glottal stop in between the vowel sounds. British English differentiates them with an "r" sound. It's an unspoken rule—they don't learn it at school or anything, as it's dialectical, not grammatical. In fact, Brits often don't even realize they're doing it until it's pointed out to them.

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So if British people are perfectly capable of pronouncing an "r" at the end of a word, why do they not pronounce the "r" at the end of words that actually have a letter "r"? That's an interesting, if not totally clear, story.

People might assume that Americans were the ones who added the "r" pronunciation to English or that it must be a carryover from Scottish accents that pronounce the "r" with gusto. But in actuality, British people in general used to pronounce the "r" as well. That's right. British English actually used to sound more like American English, not the other way around.

How exactly the change happened has been a topic of some debate among linguists, but the gist is that England's non-rhotic accent (the accent that doesn't pronounce the "r") came about as a bit of socioeconomic snobbery in the 18th century. Certain classes of Brits started putting on the accent as a way of differentiating themselves from those of lower classes, at least in certain parts of England. Toss in a trendy fascination with the French around that time, and voila! Bye-bye "r" sounds.

R sound, rhotic, non-rhotic, linguistics, peewee herman Americans love the "r" sound. Giphy

But back to the present confusion about when the "r" gets pronounced. As Derek points out, both British and American folks often get it wrong when imitating one another's accents. Brits will add "r" to the end of words that end in a vowel simply because they think that's what Americans do, and Americans will remove the "r" sound where it's actually used in British English. For instance, British pronunciation of "father" would be "fathuh," but not when a word that starts with a vowel comes after it, like "my father and I." In that case, the Brit would pronounce the "r" but an American imitating a British accent would probably say, "my fathuh and I."

Tricky, isn't it? But now we know. If the next word starts with a vowel, Brits say "r" at the end of words ending with a vowel or with an "r."

You can follow Derek on TikTok for more linguistic fun.

@humanteneleven/Instagram

Why do so many negative words begin with the letter "n"?

Learning about language—whether diving into newfangled phrases taking over the current zeitgeist, or examining the unexpected threads that tie seemingly unrelated languages together throughout history—is endlessly fascinating. All at once, clues about humanity’s past, present, and future are revealed.

For instance, why do so many words with a negative connotation begin with the letter “n”? Sure, there are obvious exceptions, like nice, nifty, neat, etc., but when you think about not, never, nothing, nihilistic, nought, and yes, even the word negative itself…seems like a lot. Is this just an English language thing? Does the letter “n” have an inherently negative quality in our collective psyche? If so…why?

This was a topic recently tackled by etymology enthusiast @humanteneleven. In a short-and-sweet video, he explains that in the days of Old English, the word “ne,” meaning “not,” was used to negate, or give the opposite meaning, of virtually anything. N + one + “none,” n + either + "neither," and so on.

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Even with English words that were borrowed from Latin, as well as other non-English languages like French, German, Russian, and Sanskrit, we see this pattern. That’s because the Proto-Indo-European language, the mother of all these languages, also used the word “ne” to negate meaning.

However, just to complicate things a bit, we also see this in languages that did not originate from Proto-Indo-European, like Japanese and Vietnamese. This prompted a linguist by the name of Otto Jespersen in the late 1880s to theorize that there must be some primal association of negative feelings with the “n” sound. According to him, it was carried over from when ancient humans scrunch up their nose in contempt, and the sound would follow. “The biological reaction of disgust is inherently nasal,” explained @humanteneleven.

Over a hundred years later, researchers tested the theory, and found that this correlation was more of a coincidence. Except in the case of Indo-European languages, who share that common linguistic ancestor.

Obviously, the biggest takeaway from all this is a new level of appreciation for the Knights that say Ni!

By the way, if you’re curious as to what Proto-Indo-European might have sounded like, this video aims to scratch that itch.

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And if you’re interested in even more language deep dives, @humanteneleven has all kinds of gems like these.

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Be sure to give @humanteneleven a follow for even more etymology fun.

Community

The remote island where residents speak a fascinating blend of Southern and Old English

Experts say Ocracoke's endlessly-entertaining dialect is rapidly disappearing.

BBC Global/YouTube & EZScore/Flickr

An isolated island called Ocracoke is home to a unique accent not found anywhere else in the world

American English comes in all sorts of different flavors and varieties. I grew up in Baltimore, which shares some dialectical DNA with the accent you find in other Northeastern cities like Philadelphia. Baldamor, hon! There's the New England dialects, most famously the Boston accent: Pahk the cah at Havahd yahd! The New York accent is world famous, as is the deep Southern twang, which gives way to a thick Cajun accent the closer you get to the water in Florida and Louisiana.

These are all different versions of the greater American dialect. But there is one place, a tiny island off the coast of North Carolina, where a few residents speak in such a unique way that it's not even identified as American by most people around the world.

Ocracoke, North Carolina is home to a unique dialect called the Brogue: A strange blend of American Southern, Old Elizabethan English, with little bits of Irish and even Australian thrown in.


ocracoke, north carolina, the brogue, hoi toider, accents, dialect, language, linguistics, anthropology Americans think Hoi Toider sounds English. People from England think it sounds like something else. Giphy

The Brogue, also known as Hoi Toider, is absolutely fascinating to hear in action. When you watch interviews with the locals of the island, they at first appear to be speaking a form of deep American southern — you can hear the twang the way you might in parts of Georgia of Alabama. But then, without warning, a word or phrase will slip out that sounds distinctly British. Old English even. Then you'll swear you hear a bit of Irish!

The dialect owes its roots to a surprising source: Pirates.

Pirates loved to hide out on Ocracoke as the island is incredibly remote, about 20 miles from the mainland of North Carolina. Even today there are no bridges or flights to Ocracoke; it can only be reached by a (quite lengthy) boat ride. Eventually, the island was actually purchased by the Blackbeard's quartermaster (yes, that Blackbeard), William Howard, where he created something of a pirate settlement. English sailors and Native American tribes also passed through and had their own unique impact on the culture and developing language of the island.


ocracoke, north carolina, blackbeard, pirates, the brogue, hoi toider, accents, dialect, language, linguistics, anthropology Legend has it Blackbeard himself named the island. Giphy

In case have your doubts about the island's buccaneerish roots: "In one popular island legend, Ocracoke comes from the phrase, 'Oh, crow cock,' which was spoken by the infamous pirate Blackbeard as he waited to do battle at sunrise with the governor’s forces that had come to capture him," writes a guide from NC State University.

The dialect had a lot of room to develop without much outside influence. The BBC writes, "Howard's community lived in near-isolation for almost two centuries. Electricity didn't arrive at the island until 1938 and a ferry service didn't start until 1957, leaving the islanders cut off except for the occasional supply trip to the mainland."

That's why Hoi Toider is still alive to this day, although its speaking population has dwindled. Here are a few hallmark phrases of the unique dialect:

A 'dingbatter' is anyone not from the island; a tourist. An 'O'Cocker' is anyone born on the island of Ocracoke. A 'buck' is a good male friend, while a 'puck' is a female friend. The Brogue uses 'weren't' liberally for singular nouns ("The sun weren't out yesterday.") and frequently adds an 'a' in front of verbs ("We went a-fishin' this morning").

But to fully appreciate Hoi Toider, you've got to hear it in action:


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Experts say, as awesome as the Brogue is, it will likely disappear within the next 50 years.

Though the island remains about as remote as it comes, in 2025 there's no escaping the influence of social media, television, and film. Every generation born on the island is a smidge less-adoptive of the Brogue than the one that came before.

It will probably be mostly gone in the next couple of generations, which feels like a tragedy. Instead of "dingbatter" and "buck," the kids will be saying "Skibidi toilet" and "rizz." OK, maybe that's an exaggeration, but young people growing up on the island won't be as immersed in the language as their elders and will begin to speak more and more like your average American.

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There's a concept called culture homogenization. It's the idea that over time, because of technology and globalization, unique individual cultures from around the world will all start to look more and more the same. It's why you see fast food restaurants directly next to the Leaning Tower of Pisa and people all over the globe listening to the same handful of musical artists.

Ocracoke has managed to hang on longer than most places due to how difficult it is to reach. Here's hoping that the Ocracoke Brogue can survive somehow, some way, in little pockets of the island. It's just too dang cool and interesting to go away just yet.

This article originally appeared in May.