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Pop Culture

People share 'corporate buzzwords' they'd like to fire immediately without pay

It's time to retire 'fast-paced environment' once and for all!

corporate buzzwords, askreddit
Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

Can we pivot to something else already?

OK, hive mind. Ready to do a deep dive to develop some synergy and make a lasting impact?

Yeah, corporate lingo can be kind of cringe.

Even in the age of working from home, we are still just as subject to the latest business-speak meant to inspire and motivate employees, which instead makes our brains say “kill me please.” In fact, it’s sometimes even more awkward. Who hasn’t had an “all hands” Zoom meeting where they had to “touch base,” “circle back,” then offer a “final thought?” No one. No one, I tell you.

Reddit user u/PM_ME_YOUR_MUSIC asked, “What are the most annoying corporate buzzwords or phrases you’re sick of?” and let’s just say that people “hit the ground running” with hilarious answers. No “low-hanging fruit” here. Are you triggered yet?

Below are 11 of the best answers that anyone in a corporate environment can relate to and giggle at. Read 'em fast, and you’ll “get five minutes of your time back”.

1. "Take a more holistic approach"

I will place a rose quartz on the copy machine and rub the stapler with rosemary oil.” – @Synicist

2. “Competitive pay”

Yes your pay will be competing with your bills.” – @PM_ME_YOUR_MUSIC

3. "Our workers are part of our family"

Translation: we have boundary issues.” – @shanster925

4. When someone refers to a request as an “ask”

We had a word for this already, what was wrong with it?” – @Johanssjoberg

“Request is two syllables. Not punchy, not cool.” – @Fred2718

5. "We all wear multiple hats around here"

via GIPHY

I hear this everyday. It's just an excuse to not hire anyone else.” – @ChurchWineDrunk

6. "Rockstar"

My company already changed 'rockstar' to 'jedi' in our JD 5 years ago. They changed it to 'ninja' at the beginning of this year.” – No_Imagination_4907

“I hate your company.” – @JohnCail01

7. “Win win win”

First people said ‘win win’ for something that was good for both parties, this makes sense. One popular exec said ‘win win win’ once for something that helped us, our third party partners and the customer. That's fine as a one off and a good play on the original expression. But now every exec says it's a ‘win win win’ when something good happens. They're not even a ‘win win’, just something that's good for one party.” – @NotACockroach

8. "Willing to work in fast-paced environment"

via GIPHY

*ends up in cubicle*” – @Raven0uss

Should really hire two people but only willing to pay for one.” – @Sellswordinthegrove

9. “Core values”

A corporation is a corporation, they don't have values aside from their responsibilities to their shareholders and the law. Pretending there's some moral or ethical policy overriding any of that is insulting to the employees who are expected to parrot it.” – @Aquoad

10. "Must have excellent communication skills"

via GIPHY

What if they are just great communication skills, huh? I guess I'm screwed.” – @TheBladeRoden

11. "Young, dynamic and fast-growing team"

"In my experience, it usually means inexperienced people, frequent resignations and just general lack of stability.” – @longlegs25

Or maybe you prefer to steal this person's delightfully positive take on the whole thing:

"I love corporate buzzwords. You can send emails which sound intelligent without actually saying anything and just confuse everyone." – @boywithtwoarms

This article originally appeared on 04.15.19


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