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People over 100 share their simple secrets to living the best life

"Life goes on. So get on and do the things you love to do."

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Elderly hands hold flowers. Two older people sit on a bench.

There has always been something really fascinating about resilience. Some people simply embody it, no matter their age, and remind us that you're never too old to keep living a good life.

Just recently, a 100-year-old woman named Layne Horwich was diagnosed with breast cancer. One year later, at 101–she had beaten it. Not only did she survive the cancer, but she recently passed her driving test, according to a story on NBC 5 News Chicago. When asked how she has stayed so relatively healthy, she answered, "I did play tennis until I was 92, and I think that was good."

People who have lived to be 100 may have less time than many of us, but what they have is perspective. And, if they're lucky, that perspective can be churned into wisdom like cream into butter.

Business Insider, via their YouTube page, posted a video entitled "Life Lessons From 100-Year-Old Americans Who Didn't Expect To Live So Long." Here, they interview five centenarians to get their thoughts and wisdom on love, health, technology and, most importantly, how to live a happy life.

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

Barbara (101), Diane (102), Jack (101), Helen (107) and Margaret (102) get mic'd up and sit down to talk about their experience of living on this Earth for over a century. They have all lived from the Great Depression through the pandemic, and every one of those nearly one million hours tells its own story. They initially discuss their backgrounds, goals, how they met their spouses, and the lens with which they can now see the history they lived through.

They are asked questions on a variety of topics, and none of their answers disappoint.

 

ON LOVE

Barbara closes her eyes and says with such sincerity, "It's so important to feel love. I won't say it makes the world go round, but it's very helpful."

And you know the old wives' tale that opposites attract? Margaret and Barbara disagree with that idea. Cutting back and forth between them, Margaret says "A like-mindedness is the formation of a solid marriage. And that is love." Barbara adds, "You agree, you're on the same page, and you want to live your life together."

 

ON MORTALITY

Jack so beautifully and vulnerably tells us as he exits his home and takes a drive, "The most challenging thing about being 100 is at some times, time hangs heavy on your hands. I don't have any of my good friends who are still alive. They are all gone. My wife passed away 20 years ago this year. Much too early. She should be here with me, sitting right here, right now."

He later proclaims, "I am the last man standing. It's not easy at all. If I sat around and grieved all day long, that would be very difficult to take. I know that life goes on and that's the only answer I can give you. Life goes on. So get on and do the things that you love to do."

Helen also feels deep losses around her. She tells us she has lost her two sons, one just a few weeks prior at the age of 82. "I'm just shocked that I would still be here and they're gone. At my age, I think every step you take is challenging. I feel that I'm on borrowed time."

Both Margaret and Barbara reflect on the years with their husbands. Barbara confesses how hard life can seem without him. "It's very tough at this stage of the game to be alone, be vulnerable and be dependent."

 

ON TECHNOLOGY

 older person, computer, technology, learning, 100 Older man sitting at the computer.   commons.wikimedia.org  

When they're asked "What has changed the most in 100 years?" they name the Internet and cell phones for starters.

Helen adorably asks the producer, "Is it true you're on YouTube?" She then admits, "I see all these young people walking down the street holding phones. Everyone has got one but me."

The overall vibe is they don't love the seemingly modern obsession with technology. Jack quips, "Amazing how much garbage gets on your computer." However, they don't totally dismiss it. Jack continues, "It used to be that if you wanted the answer to something, you'd have to go to the library and do a great deal of research. Today, with a snap of your fingers, the Internet has the answer for you. Done!"

Margaret says she often uses her computer. "I think technology, if used properly, has definitely made a huge difference. The ability to reach out to one another. Getting emails, sending emails."

 

ON HEALTH

 elderly people, exercise, aerobics, health, 100 Older people taking an aerobics class.  commons.wikimedia.org  

When asked, "What helped you live to 100?" they all have slight variations on one theme: Exercise.

Jack also shares, "I've never smoked. I've never drunk to excess." And later, he says, "I don't eat meat to excess," though he does admit to enjoying chicken. (Helen adds to this that one should eat properly from a very young age.)

Diane (who was once a dancer) suggests "one hour a day of strenuous exercise. A real workout that will keep you going and keep you alive."

Margaret has a less intense idea of exercising. "Walk, walk, walk," she insists.

 

ON BEING HAPPY

Jack determines, "Don't let the old man in. I refuse to think old. If you think young, more than likely you're going to act young."

Margaret suggests keeping activities on your calendar. "There's always something on my plate that I look forward to doing. And I think that's important for people. To look forward to what you can do today, that makes a difference."

Barbara stresses the importance of friendships. "I have many friends who help me enjoy life from all different generations. 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s. And that's what makes life so interesting."

When asked directly, "So what's the secret for a long, happy life?"

 elderly man, laughing, happiness, health, old age An elderly man laughs.  pxhere.com  

Diane answers, "I think it's just love of life. It's a devotion to my family, to the ones I love. The thing that I've really learned is not to be so self-centered."

Jack gives this tip: "If you don't complain, you don't make life difficult for everyone around you. You'll get along in life." He then added, "You can't get anywhere in life until you start doing things for other people."

Barbara: "You want to be attached to things that are positive and good in life." She also echoes the idea that, "Giving is a real joy."

We see Helen visiting her church, as she shares this thought - "I think if you're nice to people, it comes back to you."

Positive thinking overall is the key. Jack ends the segment with this: "I don't feel like my days are numbered. I feel that I have good years in front of me yet."

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Mental Health

Psychologist Carl Jung believed these five specific things will lead you to a happier life

"Happiness is such a remarkable reality that there is nobody who does not long for it."

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A happy woman in a field.

If you've ever taken the Myers-Briggs personality assessment (ENFJ here), you've had at least a splash of Jungian psychology. Some of it's rather complicated, involving one's shadow selves and emotions—which tracks, as Jung was a complicated thinker.

When it comes to having a fulfilled life, Jung's baseline is actually quite simple: he believed there were five essential elements for a life of contentment.

As part of the Happiness Project, celebrated author Gretchen Rubin relayed Jung's "key elements to happiness" on Psychology Today in 2012. She shares that journalist Gordon Young asked Jung in 1960, "What do you consider to be more or less basic factors making for happiness in the human mind?"

carl jung, happiness, psychologist, therapy, psychologyA portrait of Carl Jung.en.m.wikipedia.org

These were Jung's answers:.

1. "Physical and mental health."

This might seem like a no-brainer, but much like fellow psychologist Abraham Maslow's well-known Hierarchy of Needs, there must be a basic ground floor under us to secure a road to happiness. For Maslow, it was labeled "physiological" at the bottom of a pyramid—meaning the ability to breathe, eat, and drink water. Basic elements to stay alive. Jung added to "physical health" or basic mental health such as a functioning mind that allows an individual to wake up and function, even at the most elementary level.

2. "Good personal and intimate relationships, such as those of marriage, the family, and friendships."

Again, similar to Maslow's third rung on the hierarchy pyramid, connection is key, no matter what form it takes. Getting along with people in your life—your spouse, parents, friends—brings happiness. Maslow called it love. Jung called it "intimate."

3. "The faculty for perceiving beauty in art and nature."

This one deviates from Maslow a bit. Jung stressed the importance of keeping a sense of wonder about the universe by seeing beauty in the world around you, especially in nature. Just as important as beauty in nature, though, is beauty also in the art (music, paintings, dance, literature) created by those around us.

4. "Reasonable standards of living and satisfactory work."

Here, Jung suggests that one's home and workplace be "reasonable and satisfactory." Some may argue to aim higher, but Jung is essentially saying that without these basic building blocks met, there's little chance of achieving happiness.

5. "A philosophic or religious point of view capable of coping successfully with the vicissitudes of life."

Here is where Jung lines back up with Maslow. One doesn't have to be religious, but having some sort of philosophical lens to think about the "bigger picture" of life is important in terms of happiness. For Maslow, this was described as self-actualization, but Jung focused it more on how one "copes" with unanswered questions and our place in the vast universe.

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

 

Of course, even Jung himself tinkered with these ideas until he passed. It's hard to sum up "happiness" in a way that applies to every single human's needs. Jung famously stressed that happiness can't be defined without also understanding sadness.

A thread on Reddit entitled "Do you agree with Jungian 5 pillars of a fulfilled life?" had people thinking.

One commenter believes looking outward could be helpful:

"I think another crucial thing for me would be knowing that I helped people or even humanity throughout my life. I think if everyone would try to understand other people more and help them, then we would have a better world."

This Redditor agreed, saying, "I would add activities which contribute meaningfully to society as the second most important pillar after health."

Another adds that these pillars change as we age:

"I agree that those are desirable things, but they also fluctuate throughout our lives—poor health can come and go, as can relationships, standards of living, and jobs. We can lose them and find them again and still have a life that is fulfilling or not, largely depending on our mental outlook."

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Health

'Untapped potential' psychologist shares the skill that opens the door to success and happiness

It's the difference between helplessness and hopefulness.

via Canva/Photos

A woman celebrating a big victory.

Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, an adjunct associate professor of psychology at Columbia University’s Barnard College, makes a powerful point in his new book, Rise Above. He believes that the difference between those who are happy and prosperous and those who are not is that one group has managed to “unlearn fear.”

The problem for most people is that learning and unlearning fear are two very separate processes. Learning to be afraid happens automatically in our brains after we have a traumatic or frightening experience. That’s why when we encounter something we are fearful of, we have an emotional and mental response that can be difficult to overcome.

However, unlearning fear is something we must do intentionally. “Fear is automatically learned. And fear must be actively unlearned: We have to choose a different way of living, and we can start by taking responsibility for the fact that unlearning fear—or any past patterns—can take a lot of inner work,” he said, according to CNBC.

success, happiness, fear, overcoming, barriers, teamwork, fear, challengesA team of co-workers celebrating a win.via Canva/Photos

Simply put, our brains constantly collect new fears without our control. But to unlearn those fears, we have to do so intentionally. That’s why countless people are unable to chase their dreams, take risks, and be vulnerable. They haven’t unlearned the unnecessary fears that their brains installed without their knowledge or permission.

For example, at some point in life, most of us acquire a fear of rejection. This prevents a lot of people from asking the boss for a raise, even when they deserve one. But those who have unlearned that fear can get past the barrier and ask for what they deserve. “Our default state is to have a sense of helplessness when we get overwhelmed,” Kaufman says.

Even though we didn’t choose our fears, Kaufman says they are still our responsibility to unlearn. “Sometimes we’re responsible for things not because they’re our fault, but because we’re the only ones who can change them,” he told Psychology Today.

 


How to “unlearn” fear

Kaufman says that we can unlearn fear by correctly talking about it to ourselves when we experience it. He says that in these situations we should ask ourselves “what” questions, instead of “why" questions. For example, let’s say your boss gave you extra work that you weren’t prepared for. “You can go from ‘Why am I feeling this?’ to ‘OK, what am I feeling?' What would make me feel better?” Kaufman says. “Asking ‘what’ questions—‘What do I need right now, in this moment?’—these lead to a whole upward spiral of productive questions.”

Organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich agrees. “'Why' questions can draw us to our limitations. 'What' questions help us see our potential. 'Why' questions stir up negative emotions. 'What' questions keep us curious. 'Why' questions trap us in our past. 'What' questions help us create a better future.”

The difference between the two types of questions is huge. It’s the same as the difference between asking ourselves, “Why does this happen to me?” and “What can I do about it?”

success, happiness, fear, overcoming, barriers, happy woman, race, marathon, runnersA woman winning a race.via Canva/Photos


It’s empowering to consider that the fears that hold us back in life weren’t our choice, so we don’t have to give them the power that they demand. A fear you acquired in the fifth grade may be the same thing holding you back from a raise. So, why not ask what you can do about it, push through, and watch it disappear while building a ladder to greater success and happiness?

 
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Parenting

Studies show non-parents are happier than parents unless 1 of these 3 things are true

"Bundle of joy" might not be the most apt nickname.

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Having kids decreases your quality of life and marital satisfaction, but that doesn't mean you can't be happy.

For decades now there's been one great question looming over society: Does having kids make you happier?

Most studies show that, perhaps surprisingly, people without children tend to be happier, or have more life satisfaction. And when you really think about it, it makes sense why. Being child-free eases your finances and allows you more time to pursue friends, romance, hobbies, travel, adventure, and career aspirations. Having children makes your immediate quality of life and marital satisfaction go down temporarily, or in some cases, permanently. The Surgeon General even recently issued an advisory warning that parental stress is a major public health issue.

But there are three factors that might turn the tide. In the right circumstances, the joy and immense satisfaction of raising children can overcome all the associated stressors and lead to incredible joy and happiness. Other studies from around the globe prove that you might just be a happy parent if:

parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids, family, love, stress, happiness, studies, researchWhen your kids grow up and move out, it's like you've won: That's when the happiness really kicks in. Photo by Esther Ann on Unsplash

1. Your kids have moved out

A study from Heidelberg University in Germany specifically looked at happiness in people aged 50 and older. What they found makes a lot of sense.

People who have children were happier than those without, but only in the older age group, and only when those grown children no longer lived at home. Drilling down, the research found that when children become a source of "social enjoyment" rather than stress, life satisfaction increases dramatically while symptoms of depression decrease.

You can think of it as finally getting to enjoy the fruits of your hard labor. After spending decades teaching, nurturing, and shaping your children, your twilight years is when you get to really enjoy them as fully-fledged people who enrich your lives. While there's lots of joy and fun and happiness to be found in the younger years, those years are also marred with financial and other stressors which can subdue our overall happiness.

2. You have a lot of money AND good work/life balance


parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids, family, love, stress, happiness, studies, researchParents struggle to make enough money while devoting time to caring for and enjoying their kids. Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

One study out of Bocconi University in Milan, Italy found that "Parents are happier than non-parents ... as long as parents feel they can handle their work pressures to find work/life balance and they have the financial and other resources they need."

Oh, is that all?

Some estimates say it costs roughly $24,000 per year to raise a child, on average. A family with three kids would need to make about $75,000 just to cover the absolute bare minimum food and childcare costs — yowza! The costs are more when they're young (daycare, childcare, diapers, toys) but it never stops being expensive. Parenting is also extremely time-consuming, requiring several hours per day of childcare and extra housework for most families.

The impossible conundrum that many parents find themselves in is somehow having enough money and enough time to do it all. It's easy to see that if you can somehow solve that puzzling equation, yeah, you'd be a heck of a lot happier. Easier said than done!

3. You don't live in the United States

parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids, family, love, stress, happiness, studies, researchParents in Spain, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, and more are enjoying more time off to spend with family. Photo by Mauro Lima on Unsplash

In 2016, The Council of Contemporary Families wanted to look into whether parental discontent was a global phenomenon or not. So, they studied parents and non-parents from 22 different countries to see if they could find any differences in life satisfaction.

The report found that parents in countries like Norway, Hungary, Portugal, Finland, Sweden and Spain were shown to be happier than non-parents.

And yet, according to Time Magazine, "Of the 22 countries the researchers studied, America has the biggest happiness differential between parents and the child-free."

The report specifically cites the high cost of childcare for young children and the limited amount of paid leave Americans receive—and not just parental leave, but simple vacation time. Countries like Spain and Portugal mandate anywhere from 22-30 paid leave days per year, while Americans average about 11. That allows for significantly less time to actually enjoy time with your kids, and has a big impact on our happiness, or lack thereof.

Of course, happiness can be measured in a lot of different ways. Is happiness a blissful feeling of freedom and joy? Or is it a deep satisfaction and sense of purpose in your life? Or maybe a combination of the two?

What the overall body of research seems to show is that there are many different paths to happiness, whether you choose to have children or not. Finding joy and satisfaction in your life as a parent might be considered "hard-mode." There are a lot of obstacles working against you, especially in America, but the research is beginning to give us some clues about how we can get there.

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