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Harvard happiness researcher explains why being bored is 'essential' for our mental health

We have a powerful neurological network that's only triggered by boredom.

Harvard Business Review/YouTube

Boredom is good for us, but smartphones make it too easy to avoid it.

It's no secret that spending too much time on our screens isn't good, but most of us have a hard time not overusing them anyway. Our lives have become so intertwined with technology that we use our phones for everything—communication with friends and family, paying bills, following the news, finding recipes, tracking habits, entertainment, and more. Excessive phone use is associated with all kinds of mental and emotional health problems in youth and young adults, and we're seeing more and more older adults impacted by phone addiction as well.

But hey, at least we're never bored, right? That's true—unfortunately. As Harvard psychologist and happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks shares, our phones, which keep us from being bored, might actually be the crux of the problem.

"You need to be bored. You will have less meaning and you will be more depressed if you never are bored," Brooks says bluntly. "I mean, it couldn't be clearer."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Let me give you the good side of boredom in general," he continues. "Boredom is a tendency for us to not be occupied otherwise cognitively, which switches over our thinking system to use a part of our brain that's called the default mode network. That sounds fancy. It's really not. The default mode network is a bunch of structures in your brain that switch on when you don't have anything else to think about. So you forgot your phone and you're sitting at a light, for example. That's when your default mode network goes on."

The problem is, we don't like it, Brooks says. One of his colleagues at Harvard did an experiment where participants had to sit in an room and do absolutely nothing for 15 minutes. The only thing they could do was push a button that would deliver a painful electric shock to themselves. So the choices were to sit there being bored or shock themselves, and surprisingly, a large majority chose self-inflicted shocks over sitting with their own thoughts for 15 minutes.

"We don't like boredom," says Brooks. "Boredom is terrible."

harvard, psychology, boredom, phone addiction, technology Many people would rather push a button to shock themselves than to be bored for 15 minutes. Photo credit: Canva

But why? What's so bad about letting the mind wander? Brooks says it comes down to having to ponder life's big questions.

"The default mode network makes us think about things that might be kind of uncomfortable," he says. "When you think about nothing, your mind wanders and thinks about, for example, big questions of meaning in your life. What does my life mean? You go to uncomfortable existential questions when you're bored."

"That turns out to be incredibly important, incredibly good," Brooks continues. "One of the reasons we have such an explosion of depression and anxiety in our society today is because people actually don't know the meaning of their lives. Much less so in previous generations. Tons of data show this, and furthermore, we're not even looking."

The reason we're not looking? Because we don't have to. We have a device that keeps us from ever having to be bored, and we reach for it instantly without even consciously thinking about it most of the time.

harvard, psychology, boredom, phone addiction, technology We're so quick to reach for our phones at the slightest hint of boredom.Photo credit: Canva

"You're actually trying to not be bored because the default mode network is mildly uncomfortable, because it sends you to the types of questions that you can't get your mind around, you can't get your arms around," Brooks says. "Well, that's a big problem. That's a doom loop of meaning. If every time you're slightly bored you pull out your phone, it's going to get harder and harder for you to find meaning. And that's the recipe for depression and anxiety and a sense of hollowness, which, by the way, are all through the roof."

So how do we get out of this "doom loop of meaning?" Brooks suggests consciously leaving our phone behind more often and forcing ourselves to "be bored more."

"Tomorrow, when you go to the gym in the morning after you wake up, don't take your phone," he says. "Can you handle it? Not listening to a podcast while you're working out, just being in your head. I promise you, you'll have your most interesting ideas while you're working out without devices. It's probably been a long time since you've done that. Commute with nothing, not even the radio. Can you do that? Start getting better at periods that are 15 minutes and longer of boredom, and watch your life change."

phone addiction, boredom, technology, smartphones, working out Try working out without listening to anything and see where your mind wanders.Photo credit: Canva

Brooks refers to boredom as a skill, and he says the better you get at boredom the less bored you will be with ordinary things—your job, your relationships, and things going on around you.

"But more importantly, you'll start digging into the biggest questions in your life: purpose, meaning, coherence, significance," he says. "And who knows? You might just get happier."

Brooks shares the three protocols he uses to curb phone addiction:

- Don't sleep with your phone. (He has a no device policy after 7 p.m. and doesn't sleep with his phone.)

- No phones during meals. ("We're there for each other," he says. "We're not there for people who aren't there.")

- Regular social media fasts. (He has device and social media cleanses where he avoids them for longer lengths of time.)

Brooks says his brain screams at him at first when he takes breaks, which is the addiction talking. But then it calms down and he ends up feeling a lot better by the end of his break. "These protocols are really, really helpful and I recommend them to anybody and everybody," he says.

Most of us are aware of how addictive our phones can be, but we may struggle to moderate our own usage. Giving ourselves clear boundaries around when, where, and how we use our devices, as well as knowing that the discomfort of boredom is actually good for us, may help us all lead a healthier, more balanced life.

You can find more from Dr. Brooks, including his books and research on happiness, here.

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Man has recorded his mood every 15 minutes for 7 years. Here's what he learned about happiness.

"The search for that formula is what keeps me going."

Kevin Sandler

Kevin Sandler discusses his mood tracking.

Kevin Sandler woke up one day in 2018, a senior in high school, and decided to do something unusual. A self-described "data nerd," he wanted to find a way to make a quantitative roadmap to understanding what, exactly, made him happy. So, he began charting his moods every fifteen minutes and has done so for the past seven years.

He's not the first to track moods. The popular logging journal app, A Year in Pixels, helps people assess their emotions using color grids that people can individually design. One can then see their moods change with charts based on weeks, months, and years allowing them to visualize how their overall well-being tracks through time.

In fact, Sandler was inspired by this app, but wanted more. He didn't just want the "what" or "when" of it all. He wanted the "why." In an exclusive chat with Upworthy, he jokes, "I thought, how can I make this even MORE intense?"

His goal? "I just wanted to visualize my life, in terms of happiness. I wanted to see my happiness charted in a graph. From there, it took on a life of its own."

At first, he started tracking his mood three times per day, but thought, "My mood changes too much." He then did it hourly, finally landing on 15-minute intervals of waking hours. (We did confirm that he doesn't wake himself up in the night to measure his moods.)

In her opinion piece "Are We Happy Yet?" for The New York Times, author Jessica Grose spoke to Sandler, who admitted that "when you're in the moment, you don't have a full perception of how you actually feel." This is why, she explains, he "tracks his location using Google Maps and then the following day creates a kind of emotional map." This gives him a bit of perspective, which ultimately provides stronger pattern recognition.

Kevin sandler, mood tracking, happiness chart, data, information A chart by Kevin Sandler tracking his moods through a year.Kevin sandler

Sandler also discovered that "happiness" wasn't exactly the end goal. Instead, it's being content or "satisfied with your life overall." Another distinction Sandler makes very clear is that what he's searching for is a formula for his happiness, fully acknowledging that it's different for everyone. He also notes that he's specifically looking for actionable data—things he can actually do to put his findings into positive action. "There's a lot of information out there on what makes you happy. So like, sunlight or close connections. But what action can I take today? And what is the measurable impact? The search for that formula is what keeps me going."



@sndcastle

Tracking my happiness in fifteen minute intervals - Scotland Day 3

He recognizes that there are a lot of theories, philosophies, and studies committed to what makes people happy. "Is being around other people still the biggest influence? Absolutely. Nothing new that the secret to happiness is connection. But now that we have that knowledge, how can we get practical? How many hours should you spend around other people? What quality of people do I need to be around?"

When asked what seems to work for his personal happiness, besides the aforementioned sunlight and human connection, he shares that the quality of the people you spend your day around is a huge factor. But also, "how motivated you feel about what you're working on that day."

He also mentions the importance of personal values. "I value distinctiveness and novelty. So, I like to make each day have its own distinctiveness from the last. I want to figure out that formula for myself, that can inspire other people to find their own formula."

Kevin Sandler, happiness, mood tracking, data, study Kevin Sandler sits outside as he tracks his mood.Kevin Sandler

Another discovery is the unique magnificence of being able to look at how far he's come. "I started when I was 17. It's crazy how different your emotional variability changes from a teenager into adulthood. And the fact that I got to track my happiness through that transition is remarkable. Because the highs and lows that I used to go through. I have quantitative data to show how different it is!"

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Community

Do you cry at concerts and other group events? Welcome to 'collective effervescence.'

This concept explains so much.

Photo credit: Canva

Collective effervescence is one of the best parts of being human.

Have you ever found yourself getting emotional over a shared experience with a group of strangers? Maybe you're watching a parade with a bunch of families, or enjoying a concert with a stadium crowd, or witnessing a flash mob break out in a town square, and you suddenly find yourself tearing up.

If you tend to cry at weddings (even if you don't know the people) or during a haka (even if you're not from New Zealand) or when you're part of a sing-along (even if the song isn't sad), you've likely experienced "collective effervescence."

Collective effervescence can be defined as "a state of intense shared emotional activation and sense of unison that emerges during instances of collective behavior." Still, in the simplest terms, it's communal joy. The term was initially coined in 1912 by French sociologist Émile Durkheim, who described the phenomenon in the context of religious rituals. But any gathering of people around a common purpose can lead to collective effervescence, and for many people, it's one of the best parts of being human.

Folks on social media have been sharing their collective effervescence experiences after learning there's a name for it, and it's a veritable celebration of our interconnectedness.

@momsalwaystired

I cry for the first song of EVERY concert. Can’t help it.

"I cry at fireworks shows and literally anything where a group of people are there for the same reason and just enjoying themselves I never knew there was a name for it other than I’m a baby."

"It’s the cultural ones for me- Haka ceremonies, and Native American songscapes 3 seconds into the video and my chin is quivering I know it’s all over from there 😭"

"Sporting events where the whole crowd stands and applauds someone who was hurt 😭 😭 I cry every time and I’m so far from a sports person."


"I ALWAYS cry at curtain calls for musicals or shows when everyone is cheering for the actors. It’s overwhelming."

"That’s why i LOVE raves. everyone just there to enjoy the music and feel it all as one, it’s beautiful."

"A gentlemen at a table i served last night stood up for the restaurant and announced it was his moms 92nd birthday and the whole restaurant sung happy birthday and i had tears the entire time during and when i was trying to take another tables order. 😭"

"I never felt this way until I had kids. It didn’t click to me how interconnected we all are until I faced the realization that everyone is someone’s mother or someone’s baby. It’s so humanizing. We all want to be in inclusion & connection with one another. It’s overwhelmingly beautiful."

As one person shared, "It’s like mass hysteria but in a good way."

The very fact that we gather together awakens a shared consciousness that is more powerful than any individual will.— Émile Durkheim

One of the best examples of collective effervescence is when people spontaneously start singing or dancing together. We've seen thousands of people burst into song, like this stadium full of concertgoers in Poland who randomly sang "Bohemian Rhapsody" while waiting, moving people to tears.

- YouTube youtu.be

These moments remind us of our shared humanity, and the more we celebrate what unites us, the easier it is to imagine a world where we finally figure out how to live in peace with all people.

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Survey of 3,000 couples reveals striking link between wedding costs and 'Happily Ever After'

More proof that money can't buy happiness.

via PixaBay
"I now pronounce you, in debt. You may kiss the bride."

In 1964, Paul McCartney of the Beatles famously sang, “I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love.” While Mr. McCartney’s sentiments were definitely a major foreshadowing of the hippie, free-love movement that was to come in the ‘60s, it appears as though he was also onto a big truth that wouldn’t be proven for another 50 years.

11 years ago, researchers Hugo M. Mialon and Andrew Francis-Tan from Emory University embarked on the first study to determine whether spending a lot on a wedding or engagement ring meant a marriage would succeed or fail.

The pair wanted to see if the wedding industry was being honest when it came to claims that the more money a couple spends, the more likely they are to stay together.

“The wedding industry has consistently sought to link wedding spending with long-lasting marriages. This paper is the first to examine this relationship statistically,” the researchers wrote.

wedding costs, expensive weddings, wedding rings, weddings, marriage, love, family, research, psychology, culture Maybe don't splurge on the big balloon release. Photo by Álvaro CvG on Unsplash

The researchers carried out online surveys with more than 3,000 people who have been married at least once and live in the United States.

After reviewing the answers to the questionnaire the researchers learned that spending big bucks on a wedding and engagement ring made a couple more likely to get divorced.

So much for the idea that "Diamonds are a girl's best friends." Thanks a lot, Marilyn!

The researchers determined that "marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony."

For example, couples that spent between $2000-4000 on an engagement ring were about 1.3 times more likely to divorce than couples who spent in the $500-2000 range. For wedding ceremonies, $20,000 was the big cut off — any more than that was correlated with a 1.6 times increase in divorce likelihood. Remember that this study was conducted in 2014. In 2025, the average cost of a wedding is a whopping $31,281. Clearly, an updated survey is needed.

Conversely, the research found that "relatively low spending on the wedding is positively associated with duration among male and female respondents."

Those cheap courthouse weddings that cost almost nothing? Very often, they foreshadow a long-lasting marriage!

The researchers also found that the number of people who attend the wedding matters, too. The questionnaire revealed that “high wedding attendance and having a honeymoon (regardless of how much it cost) are generally positively associated with marriage duration."

The researchers haven’t studied why people who splurge on weddings and rings have a greater chance of having to hire divorce lawyers, but they have a few theories.

wedding costs, expensive weddings, wedding rings, weddings, marriage, love, family, research, psychology, culture A romantic wedding day kiss. Giphy

“It could be that the type of couples who have a … (cheap wedding) are the type that are a perfect match for each other,” Mialon told CNN. “Or it could be that having an inexpensive wedding relieves young couples of financial burdens that may strain their marriage,” he added.

Francis-Tan believes that people who have weddings with a large number of attendees are more successful because they have a lot of support.

“This could be evidence of a community effect, i.e., having more support from friends and family may help the couple to get through the challenges of marriage,” Francis-Tan said. “Or this could be that the type of couples who have a lot of friends and family are also the type that tend not to divorce as much.”

(Interestingly, common sense would indicate that a high guest count naturally drives up the cost of the wedding — so it really comes down to how much you're splurging on food and decor.)

Could it also be that people who put a big emphasis on a flashy wedding and jewelry tend to bit a bit more materialistic? It makes sense that couples that are really into keeping up appearances may not have their priorities straight when it comes to building a loving relationship.

wedding costs, expensive weddings, wedding rings, weddings, marriage, love, family, research, psychology, culture Gwen Stefani throws a bouquet in a music video. Giphy

Of course, there are many, many factors that go into a long, happy, and successful marriage. And don't forget that not all marriages that last are happy. Spending big on a fancy engagement ring or splurging for the chocolate fountain at the wedding don't spell doom for couples that communicate and work on their relationship. Like anything in life, there are no guarantees either way.

To finish things off with another pop music analogy, “If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it,” (just make sure it’s an inexpensive one, in front of a lot of people, in your backyard).

This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.


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