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People are sharing quotes from their favorite comedians. These 23 are pure gold.

"I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long."

via Bonnie/Wikimedia Commons, Alan Gastelum/Wikimedia Commons, Underbelly Limited/Wikimedia Commons

Comedians George Carlin, Jim Gaffigan and Joan Rivers

Laughter really is the best medicine, and there are a lot of ways to get your daily dose. You can rewatch an old funny movie that's been proven to get the job done, listen to a hilarious podcast, or goof around with friends. Maybe the most efficient way to really get yourself rolling, though, is to take in some stand-up comedy.

And while it feels like the true heyday of stand-up is over — the days of George Carlin and Richard Pryror — the truth is that stand-up is more popular than ever. That's thanks, in part, to Netflix, which drives millions of viewers to featured comedy acts, who then go on to sell out huge theaters for their shows.

Comedy is powerful, necessary, and relevant. In fact, Oscar Wilde once said, "If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."

A Reddit user recently posed a great question on the AskReddit subforum: “What is a quote from a comedian you'll never forget?”

The post quickly went viral, receiving over 10,700 responses on the first day. Of the countless comedians mentioned in the thread, Norm Macdonald appears to be the most quotable.

Sadly, Macdonald died of cancer in 2021, but he was famous for his outlandish musings, delivered in a dry, deliberate tone. Macdonald is best known as a stand-up comedian, but he was also memorable on television as a cast member on "Saturday Night Live" from 1993 to 1997 and on his sitcom, “The Norm Show.” Two other deceased funnymen were often quoted in the discussion, Mitch Hedberg and George Carlin.

Hedberg’s comedy was based on short, memorable one-liners filled with absurdity. He passed away in 2005 from a drug overdose. George Carlin is often listed among the greatest stand-up comedians of all time and was a voice of the counterculture in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Later in life, his comedy evolved into a nihilistic criticism of American life that, for many, is still relevant today.

“It's called 'the American Dream' 'cause you have to be asleep to believe it,” Carlin said.

best comedians. funniest stand-up comedy, norm macdonald, george carlin, mitch hedberg, funny, laughter, comedy George Carlin is considered by many to be the GOATGiphy

Here are 23 of the funniest and most poignant quotes from a comedian shared by users on the AskReddit forum.

1.

"Every time you clog a toilet, you exceeded someone’s expectations." — Unknown

2.

"Everybody thinks they're a comedian. Especially in my line of work." — Norm Macdonald

This came from Macdonald's memoir, "Based on a True Story," a must-read for Norm fans. My favorite thing about this line is that it was a sort of random throwaway, almost an afterthought, as he was expressing disdain for a doctor who told a joke and got a big laugh from everyone else in the room.

And that doctor's joke? It was Macdonald's own moth story.

best comedians. funniest stand-up comedy, norm macdonald, george carlin, mitch hedberg, funny, laughter, comedy RIP Norm MacdonaldGiphy

3.

“I’m not an adventurous person. I’ve only ever used one side of a cheese grater.” — James Acaster

4.

“I’ve started cooking with wine. That sounds so fancy, cooking with wine. What I do is I get drunk and I make rice. I tell my friends ‘come over, I’m cooking with wine.’ They come over, I’m drunk, and there’s rice everywhere.” — Kevin Nealon

5.

"What is it like to have four kids? Imagine you are drowning, and then someone hands you a baby." — Jim Gaffigan

best comedians. funniest stand-up comedy, norm macdonald, george carlin, mitch hedberg, funny, laughter, comedy Jim Gaffigan, the funniest lazy dad you know.Giphy

6.

"I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread." — Mitch Hedberg

7.

“Cocaine is God's way of saying you make too much money." — Robin Williams

8.

"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'." — Bob Newhart

9.

“People say someone lost their battle with cancer. But if someone dies from cancer, the cancer dies too. I’d call that a draw.” — Norm MacDonald

10.

"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States." — Spike Milligan

11.

"When you are on fire, and running down the street, people will get out of your way." — Richard Pryor

best comedians. funniest stand-up comedy, norm macdonald, george carlin, mitch hedberg, funny, laughter, comedy Richard Pryor: a legend.Giphy

12.

"I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic...in morse code." — Emo Phillips

13.

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." — Groucho Marx

14.

"I didn't want to be Drunk in Public. I wanted to be drunk in a bar. They THREW me into public." — Ron White

15.

"I know I'm getting older, my last birthday cake looked like a prairie fire!" — Rodney Dangerfield

best comedians. funniest stand-up comedy, norm macdonald, george carlin, mitch hedberg, funny, laughter, comedy Rodney Dangerfield don't get no respect.Giphy

16.

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." — George Carlin

17.

"When you got a career there ain't enough time in the world...when you got a job there's too much time." — Chris Rock

18.

"She had enough plastic surgery so that when she crossed her legs, her mouth snapped open." — Joan Rivers

19.

"Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in." — Doug Stanhope

20.

"I'm impulsive, but I'm also quite indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now." - Dylan Moran

21.

“So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that’s funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn’t funny.” - Mitch Hedberg

22.

"When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It's only painful & difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid." - Ricky Gervais

best comedians. funniest stand-up comedy, norm macdonald, george carlin, mitch hedberg, funny, laughter, comedy Ricky Gervais dances in 'The Office'Giphy

23.

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while.

Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, 'Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?' And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, 'Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.'

And we … kill those people.

'Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.'

It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride.

And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace." — Bill Hicks

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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Billy Crystal's ad-libs in 'The Princess Bride' were so funny Rob Reiner had to leave set

And he wasn't the only one.

LionsgateFilmUK/YouTube

Billy Crystal created most of Miracle Max's lines in "The Princess Bride" off the cuff.

It's often said that comedy is harder than drama, and while that may be debatable, there's no doubt that good comedians are a unique breed. Comedic actors know how to deliver lines in just the right way with just the right timing to make an audience laugh, but true comedians are often funnier when they’re allowed to go off-script and let their gift for spontaneous humor shine.

Enter Billy Crystal, whose ad-libbed scene in “The Princess Bride” was so funny it took nearly 30 hours of work to get five minutes of usable footage. Cast members of the cult classic film have shared what happened when director Rob Reiner decided to take the reins off of Crystal, telling him, “Forget the lines, just go for it,” according to actor Cary Elwes. That invitation to improvise would prove to be one of the best—and worst—decisions he could have made for the film.

billy crystal, the princess bride, miracle max The Princess Bride Disney Plus GIF by Disney+Giphy

In the scene, Crystal plays “Miracle Max,” a crotchety old apothecary who argues with his wife (played by Carol Kane) and brings the "mostly dead" Westley back to life with his chocolate-covered magic pill. There were lines written for his character, but he didn't need them. He could—and did—ad-lib for hours, but it proved to be a bit of a problem because the cast and crew just couldn't stop laughing.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

The sound department had to start banishing people off of the set because they were ruining takes with their giggles. Reiner himself, who has a big, boisterous laugh, was one of the first people to go because he couldn't keep it together during the filming. Mandy Patinkin, who played Inigo Montoya and wasn't able to leave, shared that he sustained his only injury in the entire making of the film during the shooting of that scene—a bruised rib from holding in laughter.

Elwes said Reiner told him he needed to lie perfectly still and hold his breath in the scene, but Crystal's "medieval Yiddish stand-up" proved too hilarious and Elwes had to be replaced with his rubber dummy for much of the shoot. Patinkin said that Reiner nearly threw up from laughing so hard, and people in the cast and crew had to bite their hands to keep quiet. Production was nearly shut down for the day and the scene became one of the most expensive scenes in the movie because it used so much film, according to InCinematic. And the vast majority of what was filmed never got seen.

The Princess Bride You Killed My Father GIFGiphy

"Unfortunately, there's so many spoiled—brilliantly hilarious takes that we all spoiled," said Elwes. He also wrote in his book about the movie that Crystal never said the same thing or delivered the same line twice. Crystal's improv resulted in some of the most memorable lines from the film, such as the classic, "Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world—except for a nice MLT–mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean…"

Even the look of Miracle Max was from Crystal's brain child. He told his makeup artist that he wanted the character to look like a mix between Casey Stengel, former manager for the New York Yankees, and Crystal's grandmother.

Casey Stengel served as inspiration for the Miracle Max character in "The Princess Bride."Public Domain

People loved hearing about Crystal's comedic genius, wishing the footage that couldn't be used would be released.

"You can't plan a movie like The Princess Bride, when you've got the right people sometimes it just happens."

"Nothing greater as an improvising-comedian actor than hearing the words; 'Forget the lines, just go for it.'"

"Three straight days of Billy off the cuff is pure gold. I would've loved to have been on that set lmao."

Billy Crystal Oscars GIF by The Academy AwardsGiphy

"When the comedy is so good, you bruise your OWN RIB tryna hold it in."

"Release the tapes, raw and uncut. The people demand it."

We may not have access to the unseen footage of Crystal's improvised hilarity, but we can at least enjoy the scenes that did make it into the film by rewatching "The Princess Bride," which many fans do annually. The film even returned to theaters briefly for its 30th Anniversary in the fall of 2023, much to the delight of people who yearned to see it on the big screen again.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

This article originally appeared in January.

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13 everyday idioms that make zero sense until you know where they come from

Sweating like a pig? Pigs don't sweat!

Images via Unsplash

Images of idioms.

I've always really liked cliches, idioms, proverbs, and common phrases we like to use over and over. They can get repetitive at times, but they're crucial tools in communication. They allow us to convey so much meaning in so few words—a commonly understood shorthand that can get complex points across quickly.

The only problem is that many of the most popular idioms in common use date back hundreds of years. In that time, they've either become outdated or seen their words adopt new meanings. In some cases the idioms have been shortened or reversed, losing important context. So when someone tells you to "bite the bullet," you may inherently know what they mean—but if you really stop and think about it, you have no idea why it means what it means.

If you're a word nerd like me, you'll be absolutely fascinated by the origin and evolution of some of these common idioms, and how they came to mean what they mean today.

1. Sick as a dog / Working like a dog

gif, dog, working, idioms, funny, sick Dog hard at workGiphy

Ever have a cold and tell someone you're "sicker than a dog?" Kind of rude to dogs, in my opinion, and a little strange. I've had dogs my whole life and can't remember any of them coming down with the flu.

Sick as a dog actually originates hundreds of years ago, if not longer. Some explanations say that in the 1700s, stray dogs were responsible for the spread of many diseases, along with rats and other gutter critters. There are also references as far back as the Bible to dogs eating their own vomit—sounds pretty sick to me.

What about working like a dog? Dogs are the laziest creatures around! For this one you have to remember that dogs as "pleasure pets" is a relatively recent phenomenon. Before that they had to earn their keep by working tirelessly on the farm to herd and protect the animals.

2. Sweating like a pig

pigs, sweat, sweating like a pig, idioms, origins Close up of pigs.Image via Canva

This is an extremely common idiom that we all use and accept. There's just one problem with it: Pigs don't sweat!

So...what gives? You might be surprised to hear that 'sweating like a pig' actually has nothing to do with farm animals.

According to McGill University: "The term is actually derived from the iron smelting process in which hot iron poured on sand cools and solidifies with the pieces resembling a sow and piglets. Hence 'pig iron.' As the iron cools, the surrounding air reaches its dew point, and beads of moisture form on the surface of the 'pigs.' Thus, 'sweating like a pig' indicates that the 'pig' (i.e. iron) has cooled enough to be safely handled. And that's a 'pig' you wouldn't want to eat."

3. Bite the bullet

idioms, bite the bullet, bullets, guns, ammunition A person holds a plate of bullets.Image via Canva

Biting the bullet refers to sucking it up and doing something hard, something you don't want to do but is necessary, and accepting the difficult consequences and/or pain that comes with it. But what does that have to do with biting a bullet?

There are different theories on this. One common explanation is that in the olden days it was common for soldiers on the battlefield receiving surgery to bite down on a lead bullet. You've probably seen people in movies biting down on a piece of wood or leather strap. Since lead is a softer metal, it would give just a little bit between their teeth and not damage them. So the idiom 'biting the bullet' means, "Okay, this is going to suck, just bite down and get through it."

4. Healthy as a horse

idioms, horses, healthy as a horse, animals, sayings A horse making a funny face. Image via Canva

This one has always confused me. As a layman, it seems like horses are prone to injury and have trouble recovering when they hurt themselves. More research shows that horses can not vomit, which means they are highly at risk for deadly colic episodes. Doesn't sound super healthy!

The best explanation I can find for healthy as a horse is that, again, in the olden days, horses were symbols of health and strength and vitality. Which checks out—they're really powerful, majestic creatures.

5. Slept like a baby

idioms, slept like a baby, babies, kids, children, sayings A baby with glasses sleeping on a moon pillow.Image via Canva

To many parents, this common idiom is rage-inducing. If babies sleep so well, why am I so exhausted all the time?!

Yes, babies are notorious for waking up every few hours or at the first sign of hunger or a dirty diaper. It puts their parents through the wringer (another strange idiom!). But to the outside observer, a sleeping baby is pure bliss. They are so innocent and blissfully unaware of anything going on around them—after all, if they're not sitting in a dirty diaper they really don't have too many other things to worry about. Also, despite all their shenanigans, babies do sleep a lot—around 17 hours a day or so. When you put it that way, the idiom starts to make a little sense.

6. Happy as a clam

idioms, clams, happy as a clam, seafood, sayings Ocean Seafood GIF by Lorraine NamGiphy

Clams are a lot of things. Some people find them delicious, others disgusting. One thing I think we can all agree on is that clams don't seem particularly happy, which makes this idiom a bit of a conundrum.

The truth is that this phrase is actually derived from the full version: "Happy as a clam at high water."

At low water, or low tide, clams are exposed to predators. At high tide, they're safe in deeper water. That's about as happy as mollusk can get!

7. The proof is in the pudding

pudding, idioms, proof, sayings, origins Chocolate pudding.Image via Canva.

Hey, we all love pudding. But what the heck does this mean? If you're not familiar, it refers to judging something based on the results it generates—but what that has to do with pudding is a bit of a mystery to most people.

This is another example of a shortened idiom that makes more sense when you read the full, original line: "The proof of the pudding is in the eating."

According to Dictionary.com it "originated as a reference to the fact that it was difficult to judge if the pudding was properly cooked until it was actually being eaten. In other words, the test of whether it’s done is taking a bite."

8. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth

horse, smiling, gift horse, origin, idiom Smiling horse.Giphy

I've always been a big fan of this idiom, which basically means that it's rude to over-analyze or criticize something you got for free, especially when it was a nice gesture from a friend or loved one.

But here we go with horses again! This phrase likely originated from the fact that you can determine a horse's age and health by looking at its teeth. So if someone were to give you a horse as a gift, it would be rude to immediately try to see how "good" it was by looking in its mouth.

9. Clean as a whistle

idioms, clean as a whistle, kids, sayings, whistles A young boy blows a whistle.Image via Canva

Whistles are objectively disgusting. They collect spit and germs every time they're used. I certainly wouldn't hold them up as a beacon of cleanliness.

So what gives with this idiom? There are several possible explanations that have been proposed.

First, a whistle won't work, or won't work very well, if it has debris blocking up its inside. So you can think of "clean" in this case as being "empty or free of clutter." Another possibility is that, in this idiom, clean refers to sharpness—as in the sharp sound a whistle makes—and that inference has been lost over time.

10. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps

idioms, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, sayings, values Two women laugh looking at a laptop screenImage via Canva

This phrase is commonly used to describe someone who was "self-made" and built themselves up into a success from nothing. Imagine lying on the floor and hoisting yourself to your feet using only the straps on your boots.

The only problem is...that's impossible! And that's exactly the point. This idiom is actually meant to be sarcastic and to imply that "socioeconomic advancement...was an impossible accomplishment," according to Useless Etymology.

11. Have your cake and eat it too

cartoon, cake, slice, chocolate cake, idioms, origin Slice of cake.Giphy

Why bother having a cake if you can't eat it? That's the mystery of this extremely common idiom or proverb (sometimes worded "you can't have your cake and eat it, too")

The explanation is actually really simple. "Have" in this case really means "keep" or "hold onto." So, in that case, it makes perfect sense that you can't eat your cake and also still have it. "You can't have it both ways," would be another way of saying it. This saying likely began in a letter from Thomas, Duke of Norfolk to Thomas Cromwell in 1538. Thomas wrote,

"A man can not have his cake and eat his cake."

The quote appeared again in 1546 in A Dialogue Conteinyng the Nomber in Effect of All the Prouerbes in the Englishe Tongue, a book of proverbs by John Heywood:

"Wolde you bothe eate your cake, and have your cake?"

12. Head over heels

tears for fears, head over heels, sayings, idioms tears for fears 80s GIFGiphy

Very rarely do people describe being deeply in love without using this phrase. But it's a confusing one, because isn't your head always over your heels? That doesn't seem to be an extraordinary state of being.

The idiom here has actually been flipped over time for unknown reasons. According to Dictionary.com, the saying originally went "heels over head," implying upside down. The saying originated in the 1300s, took its "present form" in the 1700s, and took its present meaning in the 1800s.

13. Pushing the envelope

idioms, pushing the envelope, exercise, gyms, workouts, sayings Two women at a gym push an oversized envelope.Images via Canva

When I think of radical, risky, or pushing the limits of what's possible, sliding an envelope across a table just somehow doesn't quite capture it for me. But an envelope doesn't have to be just a paper container that you put other paper in. It can actually refer to different parts and practices of an aircraft.

"Push the envelope comes from aeronautics, where it refers to a set of performance limits that may not be safely exceeded," according to Merriam Webster. Now that's more like it!

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Community

Watch 900 New Yorkers gather for one epic, insane game of musical chairs

A random 50-year-old woman from Tennessee walked away as champion.

Canva Photos

The grown-ups are taking back one of their favorite games from childhood: Musical chairs.

If you've never played musical chairs, well, you must not have gone to Physical Education in the 90s. Along with parachute day, duck duck goose, and the now-banned-almost-everywhere dodgeball, musical chairs was a staple game for all elementary school kids.

For the uninitiated, the rules are simple: some number of participants stand around a circle of chairs. The problem is, there's one fewer chair than there is people. Music plays and the players walk, dance, or skip around the chairs in a circle. When the music stops, you've got to find a seat as fast as possible—before someone else does! If you're the odd man left standing, you're out, and the game continues with the remaining players. A new chair is removed each round until one winner remains.

The game is frantic and intense, with bouts of quiet tension in between. It's also extremely silly and sure to draw fits of laughter from everyone playing. Sounds fun, right? So why should kids be the only ones who get to enjoy it?

Bryant Park in Manhattan, New York City recently played host to, if not quite the biggest game of musical chairs in history, certainly one of them.

musical chairs, games, kids game, play, adults, adulting, play for adults, fun, joy, happiness, community Musical chairs can get pretty ruthless.Giphy

Eat your heart out, Mr. Beast.

Nine hundred adult New Yorkers showed up one recent evening for a chance to take home a commemorative chair and a $500 gift card. But mostly, they showed up to have a good time and in that, they were all winners.

Contestants were broken into smaller groups of 30, where they competed in semi-final heats. Each group would have one winner, who would then go on to compete in the "Winner's Circle." During the contest, full-grown human beings hopped, skipped, and chicken-wing-flapped their arms as they circled the chairs, then frantically tried to find a place or face elimination.

In a recording of the event, all you can hear is laughter, gasps, and raucous giggles as these adult strangers run and topple over with glee.

According to The Times, the ultimate winner was 50-year-old Amy Beron, who had come from Tennessee to visit her daughter in New York. "[Beron] claimed the title in the absence of friends in the crowd, as camera flashes lit up her shocked face. She had seen on social media that the event was taking place, showed up alone and walked away a winner."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Officially, the largest game of musical chairs took place in Singapore in 1989. It featured 8,238 contestants and took over three hours to crown a winner.

But that's got nothing on the world's biggest pillow fight, which took place in 2018 with nearly 8,000 participants.

Here's the thing about adults: There's a part of all of us that deeply misses being a kid. We're nostalgic for the memories and the way things used to be, yes, but we also miss when our main purpose in life was to have fun and experience joy. When we were carefree and a little reckless. Many of us are always trying to recapture just a bit of that, whether it's through art like coloring books, adult summer camp, or large-scale and completely absurd competitions like Bryant Park's musical chairs.

And though it looks like things got a little competitive in some of the musical chairs heats (in the video above, you'll see a guy get knocked over as a woman fights for his chair!), this kind of thing is generally very good for us. Playing with others helps us feel like we belong, just as it did when we were kids. It boosts our mental health and provides a much-needed escape from a world that feels like it's doing its best to beat us down.

You can watch the entire competition pretty much from beginning to end, including the dramatic moment that Amy Beron officially out-duels the last competitors, here:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Most large-scale community gatherings like this suffered a cruel and sudden death in 2020 during the COVID pandemic. Once the worst was over and the masks mostly came off and we were free to mingle with strangers again, it still didn't feel normal to congregate like this. It's so heartwarming to see strangers coming together again, hear them laughing again, and watch them enjoy the outdoors together—even if it is in the most ridiculous way possible.

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Parenting

Parents share 24 unhinged sentences they never imagined saying before having kids

"Please stop licking the shopping cart."

Image via Canva

Parents share funny and unhinged things they've had to say to their kids since becoming parents.

Being a parent brings unexpected surprises everyday. From sudden unexpected talent show appearances to their hilarious locker decor and expert roasting quips, kids are always keeping parents on their toes. And their antics have required a number of unhinged parenting sentences to be uttered. In an online parenting community, member @Plomaster69 posed the question to fellow parents: "What's a sentence you never thought you'd say until you had kids?"

They went on to explain, "'Please stop licking the shopping cart.' I said this to my 4-year-old at Target last week and had to pause for a moment. Like, where do you even begin with that conversation? How did we get to a point where I needed to explain why metal shopping cart handles aren't meant to be tasted?"

It's a conversation that they anticipated many other parents have had to have with their kids. "Before kids, I thought parenting would be about teaching important life lessons and having meaningful conversations. Instead, I spend my days saying things like 'we don't put PlayDoh in our ears' and 'the dog's food is not people food' and 'yes, you still have to wear pants to the grocery store," they shared.

playdoh, playdoh hair, playdoh gif, playdoh fun, playing with playdoh 90S Hair GIFGiphy

They ended their post by adding, "The weirdest part is how these completely unhinged sentences just roll off your tongue now. My neighbor heard me tell my kid 'stop trying to marry the vacuum cleaner' and didn't even blink. We've all been there."

Fellow parents had plenty of relatable phrases to share. These are 24 of the most unhinged (and funny) things parents have said to their kids:

"'Don't use your willy to swipe the Kindle screen'." @alancake

"'Stop folding your sister'."@ Cluelessish

"Similar. But, 'Don't lick the toilet!' In a public bathroom." @Musin_Geek

lick toilet, licking toilet, toilet bowl, toilet, lick Toliet GIF by Adult SwimGiphy

"'Please stop sniffing each others butts'." @Affectionate_Cow_812

"'Please stop beatboxing when I'm on the phone with a client'." @Mamapalooza

"'Don't drink your bath water'."@ shoshinatl

up nose, stick up nose, put up nose, up your nose, stick in nose Good Burger Dancing GIF by BounceGiphy

"'Don’t put the bottoms of shoes on your face.' 'Don’t lick the cat.' 'Don’t stick that up your nose'." @TopHippo3938

"Hahaha yeah..... things like 'We do not eat stones'. 'Please don't attack the cheese with the scissors', and 'Legos don't belong in the fridge'. 'Please put your plate back on the table and use a fork, you are not a dog.' 'you shouldn't wear your sisters panty on your head when we are going out' are common occurrences and my kids are 7 and 10....Sometimes I run out of words though. My 7yo has developed a habit of climbing up to the very top of doorframes and sticking there like a freaking gecko until someone passes through to pounce... what do I even say. 'You're not a predator, stay on the ground'?" @No_Assistant2804

"We keep a list of ours! Some notable additions: 'Not everything has to be a hat, (child name)'. 'Please don’t play the piano with you face'. 'Try not to sneeze on your pain au chocolat again'. Special mention for one to my husband: 'There’s nothing sexy about piles, Jack.'" @sophie_shadow

"'Did you just GLUE your sister’s foot to that?!' -me, just last night." @winezilla08

glue, glued, school glue, gluing, elmer's elmers glue school GIF by Elmer's ProductsGiphy

"'We do not steal other people’s pets and set up pet shops at the side of the road'. 🙈" @kt1982mt

"'No eating the stairs'. You could swap out stairs for table, garbage can, me. It’s all valid. Poor little guy is going through it but he also refuses to hold anything made for teething and prefers to run wild and free." @imwearingredsocks

"'How many pretzels did you put up your nose?!'" @BabeWithThe_Power

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A 3-year-old asked if 'workmans' take naps and grown-ups had the most heartwarming responses

“We take naps, we eat all our veggies, and we always listen to our mothers.”

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A toddler stared resisting naps because "workmans" don't take them. The workmans came to enlighten him.

There comes a time when all young children start to question the things they've been told. One inevitable moment all parents dread is the day when their toddler starts resisting the nap. Young kids eventually begin to realize that older kids and grown ups don't seem to take naps, so why should they?

Parenting a toddler is hard work, and it's really nice to get a break for one to two hours in the middle of the day. You can catch up on things around the house, take some personal time, or if you're really fortunate, even take a nap yourself. A part of you dies inside the day your three-year-old stubbornly insists that he or she will no longer be partaking in the afternoon nap.

One 3-year-old boy recently began resisting his daily nap because he wanted to be like his "workman" dad.

kids, parenting, parents, moms, dads, childhood, sleep, naps, toddlers, parenting advice, humor, heartwarming Workmans need naps to be strong in the second half of their day.Giphy

MJ, the three-year-old son of TikToker Jessica Lee, wants to be just like his dad. Not when he grows up, but right now. MJ's dad is what he calls a "workman"—he wears a bright vest to work and fixes things all day.

So does MJ.

In several videos posted by Lee, MJ can be seen wearing what looks like a construction worker outfit and "fixing" things all over the house, including the slide of his playset. There's just one problem: MJ gets so into his job that mom sometimes has trouble getting him to take breaks. So, she decided to get a little help from the folks on social media.

“This message is for workmans,” she says in a selfie-style video with MJ, as she hilariously snaps the front back onto a toy drill. “MJ here? He’s a workman. And I convinced him to come in here and eat lunch because workmen take a lunch break. But now it’s time for his nap and he’s wondering if workmen take a nap. Do you think workmen take a nap?” she asks him.

“No,” MJ replies.

"I think they might," mom says. "So let's ask. If you guys know a workman in your life, do they take naps sometimes?"

Lee throws in a not-so-subtle wink for the camera right at the end.

@jessclee
#toddlersoftiktok #workmans #naptime #fypシ゚viral

The real life "workmans" did not disappoint. They came out in full force to tell young MJ the truth about being a hard-working grownup like his dad.

Twenty-three million watched the video and here's what they had to say:

"as a certified workman i can safely answer this question. we take naps, we eat all our veggies, and we always listen to our mothers."

"Yes sir. we take naps. we say our prayers, brush our teeth really good and listen to our mom"

"Hello my workman , I have worked in construction for 30 years and we always take a nap. I always eat my healthy lunch, share my tools with my coworkers and always listen to my mom. Can't wait to build a house with you. Be strong, smart and get good grades to be the best workman in the world."

"Those are the union rules, boss man."

"Workman here. Real workmen always take a nap after eating a big healthy lunch so we are strong for the second half of our day."

The responses didn't stop there. Countless users filmed video responses for MJ to see. Real workmen on the job even filmed themselves napping, just so he'd know they were telling the truth. Lee even created a montage of all the amazing responses she and her son received.

@jessclee
This is a long one but I promise its worth the watch. The outpouring of love that our family has felt from around the world has been incredible. Thank you all for working so hard. You deserve the naps!

It's so amazing to see the online community coming together to help keep the magic alive for a smart and inquisitive little kid.

Only about one-third of adults regularly take naps. But almost all of us wish we could do it more. If we were still toddlers, we'd jump at the chance to nap. Though the TikTok workmen might have bent the truth just a tad, they didn't lie: Naps help you have more energy and feel strong for the rest of the day. If MJ knows what's good for him, he'll hold onto his naps for as long as possible.

For parents like Lee, just know that there is life past the nap. Eventually, your kids will give it up, and it won't be so bad when they do. Yes, you no longer get that guaranteed break time every day, but on the plus side you no longer have to schedule your entire life around that multi-hour block in the afternoon.

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What are the 'non-obvious' signs someone is really intelligent? People notice these 15.

"They know what they don't know."

via Associated Press/Wikimedia Commons

Albert Einstein writing on a blackboard.

There are some obvious ways to determine if someone is highly intelligent, like when you see them work out a complex trigonometry problem on a blackboard or when they can easily explain the science behind mRNA vaccines or dark matter.

But there are also those we meet at social gatherings who immediately make us think they are very smart. Usually, it isn’t because they are making a long-winded speech about the fall of the Roman Empire or explaining quarks. We know they are intelligent because of the way they interact with people and ideas.

A Redditor named SomethingAbout2020 asked people on the AskReddit forum to share the “non-obvious signs” that people are intelligent. Many of their responses centered on highly intelligent people being open-minded, curious, and not wasting their time arguing with others.

Brilliant people are confident in what they know, consider other people’s opinions, and readily admit when they don’t know the answer.

What are 15 'non-obvious' signs that someone is really smart?

1. They know what they don't know

"They acknowledge areas where they lack knowledge."

"'Never pretend to know something when you don't' is something I always teach. It covers lying and ignorance."

2. They consider other people's ideas

"They’ll listen to the other's facts and points and take them into account when giving an objection."

"One of the best developers at my last job and manager of a project I was at is an extremely intelligent person. ... One thing I noticed is how he would take everyone's opinion into account. He would take my opinions into consideration even if I'm not a smarter person or know less about development."

3. They make you feel smart

"Talking to a dumb person will make you feel smart. Talking to a smart person will make you feel dumb. Talking to a very smart person will make you feel smart."

4. They see patterns

"Part of the reason smart people throughout history are well-known is because they discovered something new and figured out how to maximize its potential. Darwin was a guy who discovered a bunch of islands with slightly different animals. He then collected and analyzed that data to come up with the theory of evolution, which was largely correct. Einstein’s theory of relativity was based off of his observation that physics acted on everything equally. He figured out that “exceptions” were because of the way high-speed objects interact with the universe’s speed limit (the speed of light). He recognized these exceptions by gathering them and recognizing the pattern between them all, then created his theory of relativity based on that."

intelligence, painter, paint brush, mural artists, curiosity A painter making a mural. via Canva/Photos

5. They consider multiple intelligences

"They realize not everyone is smart the same way. Your 'stupid hick neighbor' might have dropped out of school in 8th grade, but he can drive your car once and tell you exactly what's wrong, then fix it. That a**hole in school that had no empathy for anyone and showed no emotion made that sci-fi sh*t you thought would never be real. Yeah, she's dingy and her worldview is tiny, but she's the best teacher you've ever met and inspires tons of kids to go on and do great things with themselves. There's no one-size-fits-all answer here, really."

People who are super bright are probably familiar with Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences. The theory suggests that people have more than just one type of just one type of intelligence, like being good at mathematics. Gardener says there are several, including musical, spatial, linguistic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and kinesthetic intelligence. This theory allows people to appreciate different forms of intelligence that may not be of the academic variety.

6. They choose their battles

"When another person is not able to process something and, therefore, sticks with his opinion, after a few tries, the smart person just gives up. There is no use in trying to make someone understand something while they already have an uneducated opinion."

7. They speak to their audience

"They know how to explain concepts on just about any level, tailoring that level to their intended audience, and without coming across as condescending in any way."

"I heard a saying that went 'you have to be an expert to explain it simply.'"

8. They're confident in their intelligence

"Not constantly bragging about their intelligence. If they truly are smart, people can figure that out pretty quickly without them doing anything to show it."

"You generally only brag about things you're insecure about because you seek validation. If you are very comfortable with your intelligence, then you may not care if someone misinterprets you and makes you look dumb or something. You have nothing to prove. That's not just for intelligence but for anything."

9. They're funny

"I think the smart people are even more funny than stupid people because smart people understand the complexity behind humor and can make their jokes reflect that."

Scientific studies show that funny people, especially those with a dark sense of humor, are more intelligent than their not-so-funny peers. Researchers argue that it takes cognitive and emotional ability to make people laugh, and analysis shows that funny people have higher verbal and non-verbal intelligence.

laugh, humor, sense of humor, jokes, men in suits, moment of levity, A man laughing at his friend's joke.via Canva/Photos

10. They mind their own business

"This is a big one. They keep to themselves and deal with their own drama."

11. They aren't necessarily great students

"Believe it or not 'average' or 'above average' students are often smarter than those with straight A’s on the report cards. They do enough to pass well and get what they want but don’t let the academic system control them. Life isn’t all about booksmarts. This shows they are independent thinkers and don’t get wrapped up in designed systems. Not all, but many. Many kids who are forced to always be exceptional in school can end up the worst off and can develop deeper issues."

12. They are good listeners

"They actually listen to who they are talking to as opposed to waiting for their turn to talk."

13. Curiosity

"It really does seem to be one of the single greatest differentiators between average and smart."

A meta-analysis of over 50,000 students from around 200 separate studies found that students who are curious do better in their school work over those who are not. Why is curiosity so important when it comes to IQ? “Curiosity is basically a hunger for exploration. If you’re intellectually curious, you’ll go home, you’ll read the books," Dr Sophie von Stumm, the study’s first author, said. "If you’re perceptually curious, you might go traveling to foreign countries and try different foods.”

14. Comfortable in silence

"Being comfortable enough to allow a moment of complete silence while you think when the natural instinct of most is to immediately start replying tells me that you are, at the very least, mindful of what you want to say."

15. Unattached to their opinions

"Most of the smart people I know are not pushy with their opinions; by contrast, most of the opinionated people I know are flaming morons. I don't know if there's a correlation there, but my anecdotal experience has always been that the more eager someone is to state their opinion, the less that opinion is probably worth."

This article originally appeared last year.

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We have a small favor to ask of you

funny

"I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long."

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And he wasn't the only one.

Sweating like a pig? Pigs don't sweat!

1. Sick as a dog / Working like a dog

2. Sweating like a pig

3. Bite the bullet

4. Healthy as a horse

5. Slept like a baby

6. Happy as a clam

7. The proof is in the pudding

8. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth

9. Clean as a whistle

10. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps

11. Have your cake and eat it too

12. Head over heels

13. Pushing the envelope

A random 50-year-old woman from Tennessee walked away as champion.

"Please stop licking the shopping cart."

“We take naps, we eat all our veggies, and we always listen to our mothers.”

"They know what they don't know."

What are 15 'non-obvious' signs that someone is really smart?