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Art teacher explains exactly what to say about your toddler's scribbles to boost their self-esteem

"I tried this with my almost 4 yo this morning. I couldn’t believe the way he lit up."

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Find beauty in the unconventional.

Having a young child means dealing with an avalanche of papers coming your way every single day. My 4-year-old comes home with a folder full of school artwork five days a week. Then there's coloring sheets from restaurants and the ones she brings home from the grocery store. On the weekends, we usually have some kind of art time in the mornings and that leads to a stack of a half-dozen more drawings that we have to figure out something to do with.

At her age, most of the art is scribbles or crude attempts at unicorns. Hey, I'm just being honest! Whenever she shows me what she's made, I'm always careful to praise and tell her how impressed I am. I tell her that what she's made is beautiful and amazing. The most important thing to me is that she feels encouraged to keep going. Outside of that, I never really know what to say. After the fifth scribbly-line drawing I've seen that day I tend to run out of superlatives.

An art teacher on TikTok recently explained that there might be a better way to react to your young child's scribbles.


gif of white scribbles against a pink backgroundScribbles are art. Giphy

Susan Striker is an art educator who specializes in teaching art and creativity skills to young children. Her famous Anti-Coloring Book series challenges kids not just to color inside the lines, but to let their imaginations run far wilder, and has sold over a million copies worldwide. So, Striker has a lot to say about how to foster creativity in our kids.

"This is not just a scribble," she says in a recent video, holding up a piece of messy toddler art. "This is the introduction to fluency and literacy for your child. Don't just say 'Very pretty, honey,' and throw it in the garbage. That is not what this is about." She recommends calling out the specific elements of the scribble that are building blocks to writing letters, numbers, and more advanced art.

"Oh, aren't you smart, sweetheart, you made a diagonal line! And look at this, a curved line and a straight line, you are so clever. ... I see a horizontal line, you're a genius! ... Are you sure you're only three?"

By naming and praising these elements of their work, we can help them learn what these foundational pieces are and how they're used. It also allows us to offer them specific praise rather than general, which boosts their self-esteem and confidence and gives them the fuel to keep creating. Though tempting, Susan also says try to avoid interpreting what they've drawn.

"Don't tell them that this [round thingy] looks like a wheel. This is a round shape. What it reminds you of will come much, much later."

To a young mind, it might not be apparent how a squiggly line reminds you of a squirrel, for example. It might be a tough concept for them to grasp and may leave them confused or frustrated that you aren't seeing their art the same way they do. Smaller concepts like light and dark, close together and far apart, colors, basic shapes and types of lines—these are things they can understand and build on.

Watch Striker's fantastic explanation of the technique here:


@susanstrikeryoungatart

Scribbles provide an important opportunity to talk to your toddler, provide vocabulary, and promote literacy! #reading #readiness #scribbles #Vocabulary #todddler #art #kidsart #childrensart #childrenspainting #goodartprojects #teachingontiktok #criticalthinking #fypシ #fypage #teachingart #artlessons

Striker's advice struck both a practical and emotional cord with parents.

It's so easy to see how this concept can help a child as they begin to learn about drawing letters, numbers, and basic shapes. They're all composed of the horizontal, diagonal, vertical, or curved lines our kids use in their drawings without even realizing it. So naming those elements helps free drawing become a sort of practice for more advanced skills.

"Susan!! This is so helpful and wonderful! I didn’t realize this until after we started practicing writing letters. And now I realize how helpful this would’ve been way before. Thanks for sharing," wrote one commenter.

"Love this! My 18 mo old and I were coloring today and she's just beginning to scribble more. Thank you for sharing this valuable perspective on how to talk about early art," said another.

Others found Striker's techniques moving, both in the way it helped them see their own kids in a new light and how it made them wish they had more support and encouragement when they were young themselves.


gif of man cryingIt's okay to cry about it. Giphy

"Can someone do this for my scribble please."

"This healed something that I didn't know needed to be healed."

"i hope you teach. i wish my elementary art teachers were as kind as you."

"I tried this with my almost 4 yo this morning who has never been interested in coloring or scribbling," one commenter wrote. "I couldn’t believe the way he lit up. He spent a half hour drawing! Thank you so much for this!!"

As a dad, I can't wait to try these ideas out. I'm really excited to have a tool in my toolbox to both help my kid feel encouraged in her creativity and make even more progress toward writing and reading. Now if Susan Striker could only help me with the five-foot tall pile of artwork taking over my garage, all of my problems would be solved!

There's nothing like the bond between twins.

If you've ever spent a significant amount of time with twins, you know that no other relationship compares. My husband has twin brothers, and one of those brothers had twin daughters (busting the twins-skip-a-generation myth), so our family is quite familiar with the twin bond.

Over and over, we've watched with amusement as one adult twin will move across the country for one reason or another, with the other twin eventually, but inevitably, following them. Twins redefine the word "inseparable," which makes sense since they've literally been together since before they were even born.

Nowhere is that bond more apparent than in a video of twin babies at the end of their first day of separation ever.

In a TikTok video shared by @thattwinmama, we see black-and-white footage from a baby monitor showing baby twin sisters standing in adjacent cribs.

"Our twins were separated for a day for the first time in their entire lives…" the video text reads. "That night we put them down leaving them alone for the first time in over 24 hours. And pretty sure it's safe to say they definitely missed each other."

Watch how the baby girls cuddle and love on one another with the sweetest tenderness.

@thattwinmama_

Will forever make me😭… cant think of anything stronger than the #twinbond ❤️ #twinsoftiktok #twins #twinsisters #babylife #twinlove #sisterlove #feelgood #babiesoftiktok #sharethelove #newmom #4u #sistersforever

The head kiss? The back pat? Come on. It doesn't get any cuter than that.

There truly is nothing like the bond between twins. There have even been documented cases of twins who were separated at birth and who ended up having the same traits and making similar life choices later in life. It's a relationship only twins themselves get to experience, but anyone who is a friend or family member of twins has to try to understand it if they truly want to know them because it's such a unique—and inseparable—part of their identity.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Taking time off after having a baby is full of paradoxes. It can be strange, and a little boring and monotonous. It's jarring, especially for a busy career-oriented person, to suddenly be at home all the time doing laundry, dishes, and taking the occasional stroller walk. There's a part of you that gets restless and can't wait for it to be over. And that's why it's weird when dread kicks in the moment you realize your leave is almost up.

For many mothers, it can be hard to let go of that time with your baby — time you never really get back. Or, in some cases, babies.

One new mom of twins recently discussed the complicated emotions she was feeling on her very last day of maternity leave.


person's hand holding baby feet Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

TikTok user Marissa Jeanne couldn't hold back her tears as she held her babies and tried to describe the emotional toll she was facing on the eve of her return to work.

“Today is my last day of maternity leave, and I go back to work tomorrow. And I just feel like I haven't had enough time with them," she began bluntly.

“I know I got longer than a lot of women get with three months, but I just don't feel ready physically and mentally. I feel like there's so much that you think that you are going to do on maternity leave. I think you're going to accomplish so many things and do so many things with your babies. And then here I am at the end and I'm like, ‘I didn't do any of that,' but I feel like I did do a lot of this and that's one of the most important things,” she says of cuddling her sleeping babies.

“I think the hardest part is it's just like such an abrupt change that you're with your babies all the time, and then you pick them up from daycare and you might just get a few hours with them. So that's just such an abrupt change, and it's really hard.”

Moms often get pigeonholed once their babies come into the world. People assure them that their priorities will shift and they'll probably stop caring about their career (a bias sometimes called the 'maternal wall' that causes all kinds of problems when it comes to hindering moms in their work). Marissa perfectly explained how it's possible, and quite common, to want both things at once — even if it's hard.

“I also love my career. I am proud of what I do, but there's always that mom guilt of you're not giving enough time to your kids, but you can't do it all. You can't give 100% to everything. I think that's something important to remember,” she says.

“I just feel so honored to be their mom and to have gotten the past three months with them. So I'm really grateful for that. For all the working moms out there, you're amazing. Yeah, you can't do it all, but you're doing the best that you can for your kids and that's all that matters.”

Watch the whole video from Marissa's TikTok here:

@marissa_jeanne

Last day of maternity leave and I am a mess. There’s nothing that prepares you for this day in your postpartum journey. #maternityleave #maternityleaveover #postpartumjourney #pospartum #3monthspostpartum #backtowork #workingmom #workingmoms #workingmomstruggles #twinmom

People in the comments were quick to point out: It doesn't have to be this way.

"Maternity leave in the US is way too short," one user wrote.

"Our instincts want us to say with the babies," said another.

"This breaks my heart! It's so unnatural for a mom to be separated from her tiny babies," added another user.

One person noted that since Marissa had twins, she should technically get double the time off. Hard to argue that one!

Other users were quick to share examples of how parental leave in other countries puts the US to shame.

In Germany, parents can take up to three years of leave without losing their jobs! It's unpaid, but parents may apply for an allowance from the government during that time, even if they had no prior income.

In Romania, parents are entitled to 126 days of leave at 85% of their prior pay.

Maternity leave in the UK can be up to a whopping 52 weeks, with 39 of those weeks being paid (starting at 90% of their average earnings and decreasing after 6 weeks). Canada? 15 weeks of paid leave (at only 55% pay, but still!) and an additional unpaid 35 weeks after that.

When you list it out like that, 3 months of unpaid leave is absolutely pathetic. But as Marissa's reaction points out, it's not just the pay.

First, there's the physical toll. Recovering from giving birth could take 6-8 weeks at a minimum, but probably much, much longer. So we're sending moms back to work when they've just barely gotten back on their feet.

And then, even worse, there's the emotional. When your babies are just a few weeks old, you're still deep in the bonding phase, and it's unimaginably jarring to have to cut it so short and drop them off at daycare so you can go back to work so soon. Plus, about 15% of moms will have postpartum depression, which can last for several years. And a whopping 85% will deal with the "baby blues" — hormonal fluctuations that occur after giving birth for several weeks and cause anxiety, crying, and temporary depression.

Most people would agree that 3 months is just really fast to be separated from brand new babies.

It's just sad that moms who work don't get a choice. If you're not ready to go back in 3 months, there's no guarantee that you could extend your leave and keep your job. Even if your family could handle the financial strain of a longer unpaid leave period, it's just not an option for most people. It makes new parents feel cornered and scared, and frustrated by a system that's setting them up to fail.

Luckily, things are steadily getting a little bit better, with more states adopting paid leave policies and more individual employers getting on board. Let's keep the momentum going, because we've got a long way to go.

abigaellanai/Instagram

This is truly a gamechanger.

Date nights are important for any couple with kids. But they can be hard to come by if you don't have lots of family nearby or have infinite money for, and access to, trustworthy babysitters. Enter the babysitting swap! It's a popular concept where couples with kids will take turns "swapping" babysitting duties with other couples they know so each can enjoy the occasional date night.

My wife and I have done this with friends, and it's great! It's free and it gives your kids a chance to play with their friends. But it does come with a few logistical challenges. Like the fact that two sets of children from different families will have different bedtime routines and needs. It can also be a lot of work for the babysitting couple to take care of twice the number of children, and then to have to navigate the different nighttime needs of both sets of kids all on their own.

Mom Abigael Lanai thinks she's 'cracked the code' behind the perfect babysitting swap.

As she explains in an Instagram reel, here's how it differs from your usual swap:

First, it starts later. In this version, the babysitting couple shows up for duty after the parents have already put their own kids to bed in their own rooms. So it means date night has a delayed start, but the kids get their own bedtime with their own parents which (hopefully) goes off without a hitch. And the babysitting couple just has to act as "warm bodies" in case of emergency—so, in most cases, they won't have to do much work.

You might be thinking, it only takes one person to be a warm body! And where are the other kids during all this? Now this is the twist! In Abigael's example, she goes over to her friend's house to "warmbodysit" by herself while her husband stays home and puts their kids to bed. Now, Abigael can relax on her own and watch Netflix or read on the couch, while her husband can enjoy a night to himself at home playing video games or whatever husbands like to do. And all the while, the other couple is out on a date.

“He’s getting a night to himself to play video games ... they’re on a date ... I am chilling on their couch, I’m going to watch their Netflix, I get a night off from doing my kid’s bedtime routine and watch whatever trash reality TV that I want," Abigael says. "It’s a win for everybody.”

Actually this is pretty much what Michael Scott would call a win-win-win.


gif of Michael Scott air-drummingthe office drum GIFGiphy

You can watch Abigael's full explanation here:

People had a lot of opinions on Abigael's secret recipe for more date nights and nights off. Most loved the idea.

Abigael's video went viral on Instagram to the tune of over 100,000 Likes and 2.5 million views. Her advice was a huge hit with moms who are desperate for more relaxing time in their lives.

"This is the 'village' I wish I had," one user wrote.

"As a mom who doesn’t really do well with other people’s kids, this would be a great option for me. I like the idea of not actually having to babysit, but just being the responsible adult in case of emergencies. I can do that," another said.

Commenters also had a few misconceptions about the method. The first being "This isn't a night off if you're taking care of other people's kids." But remember, the idea of warmbodysitting is that you won't have to do anything unless there's an emergency or the kids wake up! They're already asleep when you show up and, most of the time, moms like Abigael who warmbodysit for friends just hang out and watch TV. Sounds like a night off to me.

The second misconception was that the dads are getting off too easy in this arrangement. "He just gets to play video games while you do all the work?!" Don't forget that if dad stays back at home, he's putting his own kids down and doing bedtime at the house solo. So he's putting in plenty of work before he gets to relax.

gif of babysitter telling child, "By the way, you're actually my favorite kid I babysit for." Kid Babysitter GIF by HalloweenGiphy

Others brought up a more-than-fair point: Communities of friends and families helping to care for each other's kids shouldn't be unusual or even interesting. It should be the norm, and in some communities, it already is.

"This truly shows how little community at large is valued in mainstream (read: white) culture because this is a pretty reasonable and normal thing I have always seen done in my various communities. It’s sad that it’s ‘revolutionary’," a user wrote.

Now, this approach won't work for everyone. If your kids are in a phase where they're waking up a lot, it could be a problem. But luckily there are lots of different set ups you can explore to see what might work for you, your kids, and your lifestyle.

Here are some other popular versions of babysitting swaps that can also be lifesavers — and marriage savers.

The daytime swap. In this version, Couple A goes out on a date while Couple B watches the kids, but just for a few hours during the day. Couple B just has to supervise a big play date, no stressful bedtime stuff necessary. Some people love being the babysitting couple in this scenario because, with the kids so pre-occupied playing with each other, mom and dad can get a ton of stuff done around the house.

The multi-family swap. If you can involve three or four different families, you'll have more kids in the mix but also more capable adults to help watch them. A four-family setup works well, with two couples going out and two couples watching all the kiddos. Plus, it's way more fun for the babysitting couple if they have friends there to socialize with while they're supervising.

The moms- or dads-only swap. Date nights don't have to be just for couples! A great way to get extra social time with your friends who are parents is for the dads to stay home with the kids while the moms go out together, or vice versa. It works great when all four people in the couples are great individual friends as well.

Parents need quality time with their kids, spouse, and friends—plus time spent alone to enjoy whatever they like doing. There simply aren't enough hours in the day to get them all! We need to be so much better at leaning on, and supporting, our community of parents so that we can at least attempt to fill our cups with the social, romantic, and alone time we need. Abigael's version is just one of many that give us a fighting chance.