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"80% less stress": Family with newborn reveals how life changed after they left America

"I went to eat with my baby at a restaurant in Spain and my baby started screaming..."

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One family says living abroad with young kids has massively reduced their stress.

Most burnt-out parents I know have at least toyed with the idea of moving far, far away. You can only handle so many news stories of school shootings or eroding child labor laws in the US before you seriously start to think about what life could be like elsewhere.

And it's not even necessarily these drastic issues that are so worrying. It's the day to day: the high cost of childcare and living, the extremely fast pace of American life, and being horribly anxious that taking your kids out in public will bother someone's peace and quiet. It's all a lot, and it's taking a serious toll on American parents' mental health.

Marae and Roger Torrelier hit a tipping point when their five-year-old was getting ready to start school in the US. The two had lived in several different states, including far-away Alaska, but they were finally ready to try a different way of life.

The family of four now live in Malaga, Spain with their older child and a baby. Marae has been documenting the journey on social media and how it differs from their experience living in America.

For starters, they say they're way more comfortable being out and about with their kids in public.

"[In the US] we've encountered venues that even refuse children, whereas in Europe and Asia, children are welcomed almost everywhere," mom told Newsweek.

The family has found their new home in Spain to be far more family- and kid-friendly, not just in the design and policies of the cities, but in the way strangers interact and respond to children.

"Playgrounds have cafés so you can have a coffee, a meal or drink while the kids play. People often interact with our kids with kindness, neighbors know them and ask about them."

I remember visiting Italy with my then-4-year-old and being amazed at how relaxed I felt sitting in a piazza having a glass of wine while she wandered and played in the busy square. It's still one of my top overall memories!

In one viral clip on the family's TikTok, Marae admits "I went to eat with my baby at a restaurant in Spain and my baby started screaming..." You know, baby does as babies do. But what the people around her did surprised the mom.

"The chef came out running to see 'the cute baby' and see if he could make her something to eat. Then he started showing her to the rest of the staff."

In the clip, the smiling chef can be seen playing with the baby before passing her off to another staff member, who is overjoyed to hold the little cutie.

@bravefamilytravel

The sweetest people 😭 #spaintravel #travelwithababy

"We’ve been outside of the US for less than a year and my stress levels have decreased by 80%," she writes in another post on Instagram.

In this clip, the family has popped on over to Italy for a visit, and a sweet old Italian man stops while passing by to smile and wave at the baby.

"When my baby cries I’m not afraid a stranger is gonna come and complain she’s being loud. Instead, they approach to see how they can help. When strangers approach I’m not afraid of what they’ll do but rather excited to see the interaction"

"This is the way it should be. We are social beings. This is the village. ... If you’re looking for a taste of what a child and family friendly society looks like, come to Italy."

There are a lot of things that make many other countries around the world, particularly in Europe, extremely appealing for families.

Kind people, and rude people, exist all over the world. Grumpy folks aren't unique to America. But some parts of the world just have better infrastructure for parents with young kids.

Places like Spain or Italy often have a slower way of life, more built-in time off for workers, better maternity and paternity leave, and childcare that is astronomically more affordable.

(In the United States, putting two or even just one child in full-time daycare so both parents can work costs about as much as a mortgage.)

@bravefamilytravel

we’ve been outside of the US for less than 2 months and my stress levels have decreased by 80%

Viewers and commenters love hearing about the family's journey, and have been quick to share their own stories of living and traveling abroad.

"In Singapore, the sweet Asian ladies took my baby out of my hands, a group of older women circled around her, and couldn’t believe she had blonde hair and blue eyes. It was absolutely such a sweet moment, and you could understand there was no threat."

"We hear a baby cry and we 1) Understand babies cry 2) Hope mum / dad isn't too stressed 3) we've all been there and 4) we remember our little ones"

"In italy we say "it takes a town to grow up a child". It's rare to see people not being kind to kids"

"You should visit Japan once. Babies are rare there because of population decline so they get such a celebrity status kinda love that its heart-rending."

@bravefamilytravel

Best decision ever 😂 says baby Atlas 👏

European countries aren't without their own problems. And believe it or not, there are lots of great communities and villages right here at home in America. You just have to put in a little extra effort to seek them out.

You may not feel comfortable letting your toddler loose in a busy city square here in America. But you can definitely cultivate a close group of family friends who live nearby, maybe even in walking distance.

And you can definitely be that person who offers to hold a crying baby or gives a reassuring smile to a tired parent who's worried they're bothering everyone.

You don't have to move halfway across the world to seek out a different way of life, or make a difference in other people's. But... it sure would be nice if America could make it a little easier sometimes.

Maternal instinct in no way equals perfect parenting.

One thing you discover when you become a parent is that no parent is perfect. From the start, we are flying by the seat of our pants trying to figure out how to best care for the wee one in our care, and as the oh-so-true cliche goes, they don't come with a manual.

Apparently, the same is true for cats. A compilation of cat moms, purportedly on their first time around as mothers, is making the rounds, partly because it's hilarious and partly because it's painfully relatable. While we humans don't tend to suddenly thwap our babies for no apparent reason, we do accidentally hurt them, blame the wrong kid for a misdeed, overreact, and more on occasion. I mean, I never inadvertently dropped my baby into a garbage can, but I'd bet dollars to donuts that some mom has at some point.

Watch:

Thankfully, like kids, kittens are resilient and these moms and their questionable maternal instincts had people cackling. Naturally, the comments are gold:

"Call cps cat protective services."

"She just threw that baby away. 😂"

"Do the 9 lives start before or after parenting?"

"Okay that last one though…with the smothering & the eye-twitching…us mums can all empathize with that one."

cats, mama cat, kitten, maternal instincts, parentingMama cats don't always have the gentlest instincts.Photo credit: Canva

"The poor kittens in the white box are clearly used to it. 'Yep that's my mom.'"

"They grew up in the 80s…they will be fine."

"Being raised by a cat is an experience."

"I'm not saying it's right. I'm not saying I do any of this. But I am saying I understand."

Another relatable cat mom video shows the opposing instinct that we all share: to protect our babies from anything that might harm them. I may have accidentally given my baby a black eye when I was carrying her and leaned over too close to the fireplace mantel corner once, but I would also wrestle an angry bear to protect her.

Check out these mama bear—or mama cat, rather—instincts in action:

@vandreleipioli

Mom is not playing ❤️‍🔥#funnyvideos #pet #fypツ #cutecat #catsoftiktok #kitty #funnyanimals #catlover #catmom


Again, the comments are spot on.

"That first one 'don't you fat shame my baby!'"

"Mama cats are either super sweet about their babies or absolutely vicious about them lmao there’s no in between."

"Cats do not play when it comes to their babies 🤣🤣🤣🤣."

"They say mama bear buuuut mama cat should be a thing too. them cats ain't playin when it comes to they kids js."

cats, mama cats, kitten, maternal instincts, cat momsCat moms can get overwhelmed, too.Photo credit: Canva

On the other hand, some people shared that they had deadbeat—or at the very least exhausted—cat moms:

"Meanwhile my momma cat would drop her kids off with me and dip. She did NOT want to watch them kids all the time."

"When my cat had kittens every time I came back from school she was like 'finally... take these baby's PLEASE.'"

Another thing moms of various species share is the instinct to do something when our babies cry. Research shows that human mothers' brains have a specific, universal response to babies crying that those who aren't mothers don't, and it appears mama cats aren't much different.

Watch this mama cat come running from far away when she hears her kitten's mewing (and be sure to stay for the entertaining end):

- YouTubeyoutube.com

Priscilla wants us to know that mama cats may be mamas, but they're still cats and will not be told what to do.

"You're not for the streets Priscilla Had me dying. Backtalk meow. 😂"

"The amount of sass that Pricilla’s meow had was incredible."

"'You’re not for the streets Priscilla.' 'No, the streets are for me.'"

"😂 called her back like “You have a child at home maam."

"Their sense of hearing is amazing! It’s on the level of a superhero with superhero powers! She heard her baby’s squeal all the way down there! Goes to show you, when you call them and they don’t come, it’s because they don’t feel like it!"

Yup.

Here's to all the moms who would step in front of a train for their babies but who also fall far short of perfect parents every day. We see you, no matter your species.

Canva Photos

Is sitting on the bench at the playground "lazy parenting"?

I've been both parents in this situation: I've been the dad climbing up the playground with my kids, chasing them, making up silly games. And then I've also been the dad who just wants to sit on the bench and rest for a few minutes, and who groans when my 4-year-old decides she wants to take on the monkey bars and needs my help.

The former makes you feel like a million bucks, but is utterly exhausting. The latter comes with a ton of guilt. Where does the guilt come from? Why is there so much pressure to always be "on"? I have no idea, but it's suffocating. And some parents have had enough.

One mom is taking a stand against the judgment and internalized-guilt. She says it's more than fine to sit on the side and let your kids play independently.


moms, motherhood, parenting, mom shame, mom guilt, dads, fatherhood, kids, playground, play, independenceSome parents get accused of "not supervising" their kids when they're literally sitting 10 feet away. Photo by Oakville Dude on Unsplash

Amanda, a mom of three, recently posted a video on Instagram: "I saw a reel that said, 'parents at the park should get off the bench and play with their kids...' NO" the caption read.

"God forbid we ... let the playground be for kids ... a space where they get to experience some freedom, explore, interact and engage with other children without their parent breathing down their neck," she writes in the post.

Amanda adds that the advice to "get off the bench" came from a parenting influencer she usually really likes and who has helped her come up with new ideas to connect with her kids. But it shows how deeply-ingrained the pressure really is when even the "good" parenting experts are anti-rest and pro-hyper-involvement.

"I’m just highlighting here that ITS OKAY if you don’t want to be the adult scaling the playground!!" Amanda says. "Didn’t think this was a controversial take but I’ve said it before on here and have been called lazy."


Surprisingly, users were split on Amanda's "hot take," and were pretty heated about it themselves. Over 1.2 million people watched the video and thousands chimed in with their thoughts on the matter.

Many agreed that it was ridiculous to hold parents to the always-on standard.

"That was definitely said by a non parent who probably got ten hours of sleep. The audacity"

"Those of us who are SAHMs go ri the playground for a mother freakin BREAK"

"I tell my kids all the time: 'Go play with your brothers, that’s why I made more than 1 of you' I’m here to sip my coffee and talk to my friends"

"solo mother to toddler triplets here. It has taken me 3 1/2 years to get to the point I can actually sit down at the park. I’d love someone to say that to my face while I take the ONLY 5 minute break I get in my day"

"This! There is an over correction in the parenting these days. This gen of parents wants so barely to not be the absentee parents of yesteryear that they over parent and are over involved"

Some parents had safety concerns about not being "right there" in case something were to happen.

"I hear you but sometimes my toddler wants to play on the bigger structure and I just stand below making sure he doesn't jump off the high platforms"

"I wish, my anxiety is too bad 😂 I’m working on it."

"Maybe when they stop making playgrounds with random drop offs I can be chill enough to sit down."

"Parents need to get off their phones. I'm tired of having to tell someone else's kid to stop throwing sand cuz their mommy cares more about their phone than their kid."

(Whether being on your phone while your kid plays within eye-and-ear-shot is inherently bad is another discussion we need to have.)

A few commenters brought up an even greater point: It's about more than just mom and dad getting a break. It's about giving kids an opportunity to practice independence.

"As a mom of two, I’ve learned there’s so much value in giving kids space to play, explore, and even figure things out without us constantly hovering. It doesn’t mean we’re lazy, it means we trust their independence and know our own nervous systems matter too. We need more conversations like this"

"Let them be bored. Let them get creative. Let them make new friends. Their parent is not their court jester. The playground is meant for children to play, not the parents."

In fact, a key element of the popular and scientifically-validated Montessori method is that children should never be interrupted when playing or focusing on an activity.

"When children are engaged in interesting activities, they are simultaneously practicing their ability to remain engaged, to attend to other activities and to manage multiple stimuli without losing the capacity to concentrate on one. For parents, supporting children’s developing concentration means, first, giving them the opportunity to concentrate without interruption," writes Raintree Montessori.

Many well-regarded educational philosophies center on child-led learning, independence, and allowing children room to flex their creativity and play the way they want. Kids without an opportunity to learn and practice independence early have been shown to have worse outcomes later in life.

Why do millennial parents feel so much pressure to be hyper-involved?


moms, motherhood, parenting, mom shame, mom guilt, dads, fatherhood, kids, playground, play, independenceIt's hard for parents to let go, but kids need chances to practice doing things on their own. Photo by Myles Tan on Unsplash

Gen X and certainly Boomer parents did not feel the same way. Many of them were and are more than content to let their kids run free without nearly as much supervision — for better or worse.

Maybe we've just seen too many influencers wagging their fingers at us, having grown up on social media. We've seen too many news stories about kidnapping and other bad actors stalking public parks. We've seen the horrible injuries and accidents amplified by social algorithms that feed on fear and anger. And so we "helicopter." Not to be controlling, but to be protective.

Bit by bit, though, the public conversation is changing. Parents are being encouraged more and more to let go, just a little bit.

It's such a fine line, though. Many parents hover over their kids on the playground precisely because of potential dangers, bullying, or negative interactions with other kids. And who wouldn't do anything in the world to protect their child?! But it's also more than OK for a parent to consider that a crucial part of the independence lesson. Sometimes it's good for kids to work out conflicts on their own! It's even good for them to push their limits too far and fall down!

Ultimately, you don't have to be a "play" parent or a "bench" parent. You can choose for yourself based on your child, what he or she needs, and what the situation calls for. In the end, there should be a lack of judgment whatever you choose.

Canva Photos

Parents are sharing the helpful little lies they're 'taking to the grave.'

Matt Leinart seems to have some time on his hands. A former standout quarterback at USC where he competed for a National Championship, Leinart spent seven seasons in the NFL before retiring from football. These days, he works college football games in-studio as an analyst for FOX Sports. It's a demanding job, but certainly less grueling than the rigors of being a professional athlete.

Lately, he's been leaning into his new role as a dad of three boys. "Just a Dad with a Heisman," his TikTok profile says. On his social media, you won't find a whole lot of football talk or glory days highlights. Instead, he prefers to share funny skits and musings on being a dad.

Leinart recently took to TikTok with a simple prompt: "Tell me the biggest lies you tell your kids."

"I'm not talking about Santa or the Easter Bunny," he captions the video. "I want the ones you're taking to the grave. (Don't worry I'm the only one reading the comments)"

The video quickly picked up steam on social media, racking up over 600 thousand views, and parents began chiming in. The responses did not disappoint.

@mattleinartqb

Spill… #imbored #parenting #secrets #parentsoftiktok #lies

Here are some of the best replies and, I've got to be honest, they're way more creative and devious than I ever would have expected.

1. "When new teeth grow in, I told her that they create new tastes. Now she tries to figure out which new foods she will like every time a new tooth comes in."

2. "Every single car accident we passed was bc the kids were fighting in the back seat"

3. "When their tablets need updating I have to mail it directly to Amazon and we have no clue how long it will take days, weeks or months. In reality they are in my closet and I just want them outside catching toads and bugs."

4. "I told my daughter that whenever a kid lies to their parents they eyes glow… now if she’s lying she squints at me!"

5. "All the candy at the front at checkouts is expired. That’s why it’s up front"

I always thought it was cruel that in order to leave any store, you have to walk through a gauntlet of candies and mini-toys. I can see this little lie coming in serious handy.

dads, parenting, parenthood, fatherhood, kids, funny, lies, lying, humor, teens, family, moms, motherhoodThe gauntlet parents must face before they can exit any store.Giphy

6. "They think the car doesn’t start unless their seatbelt is fastened. Facts."

7. "Our sons didn't eat cooked onions ( in casserole, etc l.). 'It's not onion. It's Japanese Clearfruit.' They cleaned their plates."

A quick Google search for Japanese Clearfruit does not yield any interesting results. Pretty clever that this parent came up with that on the fly!

8. "You don’t grow if you sleep in your parents bed."

As a dad to a 4-year-old that loves to come to bed in the middle of the night, I may steal this one.

9. "For every bite of vegetables at dinner, they could stay up 5 minutes later. But, they didn’t know how to tell time."

10. "You can only go to Chuck E Cheese if you’re invited for a party. We don’t know anyone that has had a party so…"


dads, parenting, parenthood, fatherhood, kids, funny, lies, lying, humor, teens, family, moms, motherhoodYou have to be "invited" to Chuck E. Cheese. You can't just show up.Giphy

11. "We told our daughter she couldn’t go to Disney World unless she learned how to go potty in the toilet. We told her Mickey doesn’t allow diapers."

12. "When the ice cream truck plays music, it means they’re empty."

This one came up again and again in the responses to Leinart's post. It must have been one the Gen X kids heard over and over when they were kids, to the point that it was almost mythical.


dads, parenting, parenthood, fatherhood, kids, funny, lies, lying, humor, teens, family, moms, motherhoodThe music on the ice cream truck means it's empty. Brilliant!Giphy

13. "We live on a lake and all our granddaughters know the lake doesn’t open until 9am. "

14. "That McDonalds has Sad Meals for naughty kids. My kids are still SILENT in the drive thru"

15. "I used to tell my kids the cops would pull us over if the interior light was on at night"

That dang interior light!

They're not all mean or meant to work in the parents' favor! Some lies and bits of deception help keep the magic of childhood alive.

16. "My son lost his tooth on the playground. I took one of my daughters [old ones] and we all pretended to search and magically found his tooth... in the snow"

17. "That if we saw the moon - it would follow us home to make sure we made it safely. My daughter believed this until like middle school and still talks about it"

18. "My younger brother thought that North Carolina was the windshield capitol of the world until he was in college because one time we were driving through the state during a really bad storm and he was a super nervous kid so my dad had to reassure him that we were safe because we were in the windshield capitol of the world."

The windshield capitol of the world! Now that's truly inspired, and all in the name of comforting a scared child.

19. "Dead squirrels in the road are just squirrels taking a nap."

The entire thread begs the question: Is it really OK to lie to your kids?

The answer is: it depends. Everyone is going to have their own idea of what's right and wrong.

“Usually, we are lying to our children out of kindness to them, because we don’t want them to be upset or have to deal with the awfulness of the world,” author Judi Ketteler told CNN. These are called prosocial lies, because they're meant to benefit the recipient. Lying to prevent your kids from finding out the truth about Santa Claus, or to shield them from a harsh realization about death—these are prosocial lies that are generally considered to be OK.

Ketteler adds that "lies of omission" are even more common and necessary when raising kids. It's when you tell them the truth, but leave out crucial information that may be painful for them or hard to process.

And finally, there are the selfish lies. The lies that give parents a much-needed break or help us avoid a meltdown or major confrontation we're not in the mood to have. The common ice cream truck lie, for example, can help us avoid a major standoff and the tears and screaming that will probably come along with it. At least, in the short term. Experts agree that it's probably not the best idea, and it would be healthier and more productive to set firm boundaries and stand by them instead of lying. But...we're still going to do it sometimes because it's funny, makes for a good story, and because our kids will one day lie to their kids because they're too tired to go to Chuck E. Cheese just like we were.

It's the circle of life.