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Communication expert reveals the two-word phrase to turn any negative interaction into a positive

It's more than just an improv trick.

via CMI Speakers and Canva/Photos

Communications expert Vinh Giang and work colleagues fighting.

The golden rule of improvisational comedy is “Yes, and;” it's the basic principle everyone in the troupe must adhere to to accept and build upon each other’s ideas. When someone enters a scene and says, “It’s nice weather today, isn’t it?” their partner should respond with something like, “Yes, and the clouds are magnificent.” If they negate the statement with, “No, it isn’t," then the scene will quickly become dead on arrival.

In addition to making it easy for improvisational artists to collaborate and build upon one another’s ideas, rhe “Yes, and” philosophy also fosters an environment where people are free to share their ideas and experiment. The underlying concept is that there are no bad ideas, and we can make everything work as a team.


How to use 'Yes, and' to your advantage

Communications expert Vinh Giang is a big fan of the “Yes, and" concept, and he believes it's beneficial not only in the world of improv, but also in our everyday interactions. It enables us to transform any negative situation into a positive one by accepting people’s criticisms and then turning them into a constructive outcome. He calls “Yes, and” the “best conversation technique ever.” Giang is a keynote speaker who teaches communication and presentation skills, as well as performing magic.

He explains it in the video below.

@askvinh

This is the power of saying YES AND. Most people say YES BUT in a conversation which doesn't build on their response, it actually negates it. If you want to keep a conversation going in a positive direction, use YES AND more!

“No matter what somebody says to you, even if it's negative, someone says to you, ‘Look, your product is too expensive.' 'Yeah. And the reason why that is is because we put more into R&D,'" he said in a viral TikTok video. “Anytime you use ‘Yes, and’ in a negative situation, it steers the conversation in a positive direction.”

Giang even believes that it’s ok to use “Yes, and” when someone insults you, because it gives you the chance to build on their criticism. “It’s like, ‘Yes, and you're right, sometimes I can be a bit of an idiot.’ It requires you to remove your ego, though, and then it just doesn't give them [anything to] stand on,” he says.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The communications expert says that it’s crucial to use the word “and” and not “but” after the “Yes.” You can reply with the same message; however, using “but” negates their idea. “All of a sudden, when you say ‘Yes, and’ you're taking it in a positive direction. You say ‘Yes, but’ you're taking it in a negative direction," Giang continues.

Here’s how one word can change the meaning of an entire conversation:

Client: "Your services are too expensive."

Positive response: "Yes, and the reason is we spend more on research and development. So we have more features."

Negative response: "Yes, but the reason is we spend more on research and development. So we have more features."

The “Yes, but” response sounds like you are making an excuse or pushing back. The “Yes, and” approach is much more inclusive and enthusiastic about collaboration.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Giang does a great job teaching people the power of using “Yes, and” even when you may have to take a loss to get your way. However, beneath the tactic lies a bigger idea: putting your ego aside to accept what the other person is saying, even if it's negative, and paving the way for continued collaboration. That's a much better approach than being defensive and ending the conversation, or worse, starting an argument. “I again take that path because I'm just not interested in just arguing for blatant argument, I'm just not interested in that,” Giang says.

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People from Scotland are having a wee bit of trouble saying 'purple burglar alarm'

But it sure is fun to watch them try.

Photo credit: Canva

Scots struggle with a seemingly simple tongue twister.

Of all the various ways to speak the English language, the Scottish dialects are some of the most fascinating to listen to. I'm apparently not alone in this thinking, as social media has exploded with Scottish people simply sharing Scottish things with their Scottish brogue and collecting fans from their videos hand over fist.

As an American, I don't always understand what these Scottish folks with very thick accents are saying, which is probably why some of them specialize in translating Scottish slang terms into non-Scottish English. But even when there's no issue understanding, there's something part-funny, part-sexy about the Scottish accent that gets me every time. In all seriousness, if I could pay Scottish actor James McAvoy to read me a bedtime story every night, I would.

- YouTube youtu.be

In fact, McAvoy shared a bit about his accent in an interview with Stephen Colbert, which was the first time I'd seen a Scot explain that the word "burglary" trips them up.

Apparently, it's not just him. There's a well-known phrase, "purple burglar alarm," that is notoriously difficult for some Scots to say without tripping over their tongue. And watching some of them try is delightfully entertaining.

- YouTube youtu.be

"An English guy once told me that we Scottish people sounded like pigeons to him and I never got it... now I do," shared someone from Scotland after watching the above video.

""I like how he gets closer and closer, then after his best attempt it goes downhill fast," added a commenter.

"The absolute horror washing over him as he realizes his design limitations is what makes this video," wrote another.

It's literally a tongue twister, and this guy handles it like a good-natured champ:

- YouTube youtu.be

"When I was learning English, I used to say 'burgular' instead of 'burglar.' It turns out I was speaking Scottish back then," someone joked.

"I’ve watched this like 20-times and it gets funnier each time. He’s a good sport!" wrote another person.

"I thought this was going to make him look like a fool, and I wasn't sure I wanted to see it," wrote another, "But it didn't happen. He was such a gentleman, he rose above it despite his difficulties. Good for him. Nice man."

Indeed, these Scottish folks seem to have fun with their own accent getting in their way. It's even funny without the "purple."

- YouTube youtu.be

Doesn't seem to matter whether you're young or old, the Scottish accent trips up the tongue with this nonsensical phrase.

- YouTube youtu.be

The only thing better than a Scot being unable to say "purple burglar alarm" is a Scot who is able to say it because somehow it still sounds like they're drowning. What if they were asked to say "gurgling purple burglar alarm"? Can you even imagine?

@rsullivan1991

#stereotype #scotland #fyp

One thing is for sure: People love to hear Scottish accents no matter what they're saying. Nothing but love for you, Scots! Thanks for the giggles, and please don't ever stop talking.

This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Woman realizes she comes from a 'recreational argument' family and so many people feel seen

Understanding this phenomenon is so helpful, no matter how you feel about debate vs. conflict.

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Do you come from a recreational argument family?

Have you ever noticed that some families can get into heated arguments—raised voices, vehement disagreement, rhetorical takedowns—and then act as if no actual conflict has taken place? If you come from a totally-conflict-avoidant or a genuinely-conflict-ridden family, such passionate debates might feel uncomfortable. If you come from a "recreational argument" family, it's just what people do when they get together.

A woman's realization that she grew up in the latter kind of family has prompted discussions about the whole idea and has people from all kinds of backgrounds feeling seen. Emmaline (@emmaleendryer) shared in a video, "As someone who came from a recreational argument family…I just learned the term "recreational argument"—which I thought we were all doing—and I owe a lot of people a lot of apologies."

Why does she owe some apologies? Because if you come from a recreational argument family, where argument is treated as a form of entertainment and debate is seen as an enjoyable activity like playing cornhole, you might assume that's the norm for everyone. And if you assume it's normal, you might argue with someone just because, or perhaps even to try to bond with them, and wind up surprised when they don't respond the way you expect them to. Either the person doesn't volley with you at all and just seems confused, or they engage in the debate but leave genuinely upset by the interaction.

A Reddit post explained the phenomenon like this:

"There are some people who 'argue' for fun. Flexing their rhetorical skills over something of no real-life consequence is a nice way to pass an afternoon. My In-Laws are like this. My father-in-law will argue with anyone about literally anything because to him, this is a fun game and he'd like to play with you, so Thanksgiving and Passover are always somewhat fraught holidays. I suspect a number of people online who are 'trolling' aren't actually trolling, but engaging in what they see as a Perfectly Normal Invitation to play.

"There are about the same number of people, in my experience, that find being in the general proximity of other people arguing the most agitating bullsh_t imaginable. Some people experience this as extreme, irrational annoyance, like people with misophonia when they hear chewing, and for some people the clinical meaning of the term 'Triggered' is applicable here because disagreements will, genuinely, trigger major psychological distress. Often, the more pointless and trivial the argument, the more agitating it is.

"The majority of people are somewhere in the middle of these extremes, and would like everyone else to mind their manners."

arguing, recreational argument, debate, discussion, mental exercise Some people love to argue for fun, others hate it. Giphy

To be clear, recreational arguing isn't fighting. There's no actual conflict taking place, but for those who are used to only experiencing debates or disagreements as fights, a passionate debate can feel like—and therefore be mistaken for—real conflict.

People in the comments clearly fell into different camps, further elucidating the point. Those who came from recreational argument families discussed the enjoyment they get out of arguing:

"It’s fun to debate vigorously."

"What’s the point in having a brain if you aren’t going to use it? I could argue about literally anything because it’s fun to really think about sh_t. I don’t understand how you can enjoy life without a little recreational argument tbh."

@thelivstorygoes

gotta go write some apologies hold on #recreationalarguing #familydynamics #roastfest #siblings #highcortisol

"I love recreational arguing. Growing up my siblings and I were constantly like we’re not fighting — this is just how we talk."

"Why are you arguing??' Bro I thought this was just a conversation?"

"I have never heard the term recreational arguing before but this is the perfect explanation for why I enjoy a good debate and other people hate me for it 😂."

"I married outside of the recreational argument community. I love him but it’s tough."

"I come from a playful roasting family and i for sure accidentally bullied some kids in elementary school that I thought I was friends with."

However, those who didn't grow up with that normalized explained how uncomfortable it is to be around:

"It’s so stressful for someone who does not do recreational arguing. 😭"

"YEP I go into full fight or flight every single time. It’s so emotionally taxing for me to even witness it!"

recreational argument, debate, discussion, time out, calm down Arguments are stressful for some people, even when they're fun for others. Giphy GIF by 5A5Bseries

"Yep my husband and father in law discuss politics and religion regularly and energetically. they get so riled up sometimes and I just hide in my room. I don't do raised voices well, even when I know they aren't mad, they are just loud talkers. 😅"

"Cannot emphasize enough how much I DESPISE recreational arguing and debates. Literally hell on earth to be in a group of people like that."

And then there were the people who came from one kind of family but felt like they belonged in another:

"i grew up in a household where people just did not talk to each other. The first time i spent time with a recreational argument family it was like i was freed from a cage. I love it. i love talking and thinking and exploring and learning."

"Try being a recreational arguer in a family where people argue argue. I just wanna have a nice fun disagreement but now everyone is mad."

recreational argument, debate, discussion, conversation, discourse, fighting There can sometimes be a fine line between debating and fighting.Photo credit: Canva

"I yearn to be a recreational argument family so I married into one… visiting my own family I often forget & get labeled argumentative… like yeah I’m trying to have stimulation conversation here."

"What is it called when your family tries to be a recreational argument family but it almost always blows up into real fights? 😭😭"

Emmaline's admission that she might owe some apologies highlights the importance of understanding these different perspectives. If we assume all people view passionate discussions the way we do, we risk creating actual conflict or at the very least some uncomfortable feelings. When we listen to different people's perspectives like those shared in the comments of Emmaline's video, it's easier to see when it may not be the right time—or the right person—to engage in a debate, especially if it's just for fun.

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Communications expert shares how to confidently interrupt someone who won't stop talking

The key here is acknowledgement.

via Canva/Photos

A woman falls asleep during boring conversation.

People who talk too much are doubly rude because they put the person they're talking to in a terrible situation. First, they have to listen to them go on and on with little care for their feelings. Second, they make the person listening feel rude when they eventually have to tell them to be quiet or walk away from the conversation.

Whether it’s someone at a party who wants to tell you all about their trip to Switzerland or a coworker in a meeting who gives 45-minute answers to simple questions, everyone has to deal with a chatterbox from time to time. The good news is that Jessica Chen is here to show us how to confidently (and politely) interrupt someone who won’t stop talking and redirect the conversation.

Chen is a global communications expert, keynote speaker, former Emmy-award-winning TV journalist, and author of Smart, Not Loud: How to Get Noticed at Work for All the Right Reasons.

@jessicachenpage

How to speak over loud people #Communication #CareerTips #SoulcastMedia #CareerAdvice #Communications #PowerfulSpeaker #Conversation #CareerSuccess

“People who are extremely loud and dominant in a conversation, it's because they love the sound of their own voice, and they feel like what they have to say is so darn important,” she said in a TikTok video. “Doesn't mean that you sit back and you just kind of, like, let it be. You still gotta be top of mind. And it's finding that split-second moment to insert yourself in the conversation, but acknowledging what they said.”

Chen believes that if you pop in when they take a breath and acknowledge what they said, they won’t be upset when cut off, because they got what they needed from the interaction. In a recent CNBC article, she shared a script on how to interrupt a chatterbox and redirect them.

meeting, talking too much, women at meeting, high rise building, business clothes People in a business meeting.via Canva/Photos

How to stop someone who talks too much

“So say the person’s name firmly and politely. This combination showcases both confidence and presence without coming across as confrontational,” she wrote. “Next, reroute the conversation to what you want to talk about. Be strategic by showing that you’re collaborative and trying to expand on their thoughts. People love to feel like their ideas were acknowledged, and it also creates a seamless conversational flow.”

For example:

“John, your thoughts on how to address the billing situation remind me of a similar problem we had last year…”

“Alison, that’s wonderful. I never knew that about vacationing in Paris. Last year, I took a trip to the Bay Area…”

If you’re not sure how to address the chatterbox, you can use this generic transition: ″[Person’s name], can I jump in real quick here? I’d love to open up the conversation…”

bored woman, boring conversation, boring date, blonde woman, chatterbox A woman looking bored in a meeting.via Canva/Photos

Why do some people talk too much?

According to Michelle C. Brooten-Brooks, LMFT, there are several reasons why some people talk excessively. It could merely be a personality trait if they are an extrovert or if they have high levels of anxiety and neuroticism. Additionally, individuals with high levels of disagreeableness may speak excessively to convey their point. Excessive talking can also be a symptom of autism, social anxiety disorder, or ADHD.

Ultimately, we shouldn’t feel bad about interrupting people who talk too much because they chose to be inconsiderate of your time and attention in the first place. Unless a mental disorder causes their excessive talking, then you shouldn’t feel bad about cutting off someone who is forcing you to be overly generous with your time and attention.

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