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Mental Health

‘Quiet cracking’: The silent crisis impacting half of all workers

And how to turn everything around.

stress, overwork, quiet cracking, employees, dissatisfaction
Photo credit: Canva

What to do when that inner spark inside you feels like it's fading away.

Why do you feel unmotivated? The answer isn't always clear. Could it be your diet, sleep, a lack of time with friends, not drinking enough water, or some mysterious combination? Sometimes, low motivation manifests as mindlessly scrolling on your phone or struggling to focus after lunch. But sometimes, it runs deeper than that. Ask yourself: Have you ever felt your work energy slowly draining, yet couldn't identify why? You're still capable of basic tasks. You show up on time and complete your work adequately—no one else notices anything wrong. But that inner spark that once drove you—the one that used to burn so bright—flickers and dims with each passing day. You start to feel just like this famous GIF from The Simpsons.

via GIPHY

You're not alone. There's a name for what you're experiencing—it's called “quiet cracking”—and according to recent research from TalentLMS, a staggering 54% of employees feel this same squeeze, as if someone is slowly dimming their inner light. Unlike “quiet quitting,” where employees consciously choose to do only what their job requires—nothing more, nothing less—quiet cracking is far more subtle and sneaky. It's not a deliberate choice, but rather a gradual erosion of job satisfaction that happens so silently, you might not even notice the cracks forming. But here's the good news: once you recognize it, you can identify the causes and find the right solution to piece yourself back together. Your unique spark isn't gone forever—it's just waiting to shine again.

What is quiet cracking, exactly?

Think of a slow leak in a tire. At first, everything seems normal—the tire functions and gets you where you need to go. But gradually, that tiny leak deflates the tire until one day you realize you’ve been driving around all this time with a flat. No wonder it’s been so hard. Quiet cracking works the same way with your workplace satisfaction. Quiet cracking is the leak in the tire that is your workplace satisfaction. Or, as the researchers at TalentLMS put it, quiet cracking is “the erosion of workplace satisfaction from within.”

stress, overwork, quiet cracking, employees, dissatisfactionQuiet cracking and burnout are different. Photo credit: Canva

Unlike burnout or quiet quitting, quiet cracking differs from other workplace issues because its symptoms are hard to spot. It's slow, gradual nature silently chips away at your self-worth and motivation. This erosion of motivation, workplace engagement, and well-being can leave you feeling confused, stuck, unheard, and unsure about your future.

For employers who might dismissively ask “Who cares?”, the answer is clear: quiet cracking has been shown to follow a predictable pattern—disengagement leads to decreased productivity, which ultimately results in resignation. Gallup reports that disengaged employees cost the global economy $8.8 trillion annually (nearly 9% of total GDP) due to workplace unhappiness. What was once an individual concern becomes a significant organizational issue—and failure.



7 common causes of quiet cracking

  1. Lack of recognition and appreciation: Like the clip from The Devil Wears Prada demonstrates, when your contributions consistently go unnoticed, motivation begins to slink away. You might work late on projects and pour your heart into your work, yet receive not even a simple “Thank you.” And while employees aren't seeking constant praise, research shows that those experiencing quiet cracking are 68% less likely to feel valued and recognized at work compared to their peers—meaning they need something.
  2. Insufficient training and development: Research shows that employees who haven't received training in the past year are 140% more likely to feel insecure about their jobs. When the company you dedicate 40+ hours to each week shows no interest in your professional development, your motivation begins to wither. Being asked to adapt to new technologies or processes—whether it's learning new task management software or adjusting to increased office time—without proper training is like being thrown into deep water without swimming lessons. Soon, anxiety and confusion spiral, making your entire work life feel overwhelming.
  3. Managers who can't connect and poor communication: Nearly half (47%) of employees experiencing quiet cracking report having managers who are unresponsive and inattentive to their concerns. When these employees vulnerably share their struggles or ideas, they're met with managers who are constantly distracted, dismissive, or unreachable. The crack begins to widen into a chasm.
  4. Unclear expectations: 15% of employees say they don't clearly understand what's expected of them. In today's rapidly changing, AI-adapted workplace, this confusion only makes things worse.
  5. Overwhelming workloads and mounting stress: One of the top three concerns that drive job insecurity is overwork. With 29% of workers reporting unmanageable workloads, it's no wonder that many employees are quietly cracking under the pressure.
  6. Career uncertainty: While 82% of employees feel secure in their current positions, only 62% feel confident about their future at their company. This 20-point gap reveals a profound disconnect: employees are questioning, “Where do I fit in the company's future?” When they can't find an answer, quiet cracking sets in—and motivation vanishes.
  7. Fear and isolation around change: It's a rapidly changing world. A Pew Research survey found that 52% of workers worry about AI's impact on their jobs, while another 32% fear reduced employment opportunities. When change feels more threatening than exciting—and you're facing it alone—that fear gradually corrodes your confidence.

stress, overwork, quiet cracking, employees, dissatisfactionLuckily, quiet cracking is fixable. Photo credit: Canva

How to fix quiet cracking

The good news? Quiet cracking is preventable—and fixable—with the right mindset and approach from management. First, establish what experts call “psychological safety” at work: an environment where people feel comfortable sharing concerns without fear of judgment. This means ensuring they feel truly heard. When a team member opens up to you, give them your complete attention—yes, it's fine to ignore Slack or Teams for a few minutes, we promise—and listen actively to what they're saying.

Recognition doesn't need to be expensive or elaborate. Adults don't expect you to pin their photo to a wall or offer praise without meaning. A simple “nice work” or “I noticed the extra work you put into that report” can make a significant impact. Make appreciation a daily habit rather than a special occasion. For workplace growth, invest in continuous learning opportunities—even brief 15 to 20-minute sessions—regardless of whether some employees say they “don't need them."


via GIPHY

If you're personally experiencing quiet cracking and aren't sure how to discuss it, schedule a one-on-one meeting with your supervisor to share your feelings. If you don't have that kind of relationship with your supervisor or don't feel comfortable having this conversation, you can share this article or the original TalentLMS study—it explains why employees experience these feelings and offers constructive steps for managers, all while maintaining a blame-free approach.

Because as Nikhil Arora, CEO of Epignosis, the parent company of TalentLMS, reminds,

“Quiet Cracking may not be obvious at first, but over time it can wear down team energy, connection, and trust. But the solution isn’t complicated. When people feel stuck, unheard, or unsure about their future, that’s when disengagement creeps in. Giving employees space to grow—through learning, skilling, and real conversations—is one of the most powerful ways to turn things around. It not only shows people they matter, but helps them rediscover a sense of purpose and forward momentum, something we all seek at work and in life.”

Yes, quiet cracking affects many of us right now—but there's hope. By being more aware and understanding of each other's struggles, we can create workplaces where everyone feels valued and excited to contribute. The power to make positive change is in our hands.

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Joy

5 small things that made us smile this week

Your weekly cheat sheet to the best of the Internet

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Life can be bleak, so we’re going to be celebrating the small joys while we can—whether that’s a sweet snack that boosts your mood (courtesy of our friends at All In), or a dad joke so epic you'll hurt your eyes from rolling them so hard. These momentary mood boosters are everywhere you look—you just have to be able to find them underneath all the noise. And that’s where we come in.

Consider this weekly web series your cheat sheet to the best of the Internet—not just random memes to make you laugh, but examples of people truly finding something extraordinary in the mundane. Each Friday we'll be delivering five pieces of media that allow you to stop for a second, take a breath, and feel just a little bit brighter among the daily stress—and this week, in honor of Father's Day, it's dad-themed.

Ready to smile? Here we go.

1.The "soulmated so hard" trend

@breezeb3a

I’ll never recover from losing you 💓

♬ The Winner Is... Version - DeVotchKa

This is a TikTok trend that’s both wholesome and, at times, actually jaw-dropping. The premise is this: Pets can be our soulmates, and sometimes we “soulmate” so hard that our pets leave a lifelong impression on us. This trend has people showing how big of an impression their pets have made on them, even after they’ve crossed the rainbow bridge. In one video, user Brianna Kay shares an ultrasound of her baby with what looks like the outline of her dog kissing the baby on the forehead. In another video, an owner asks her soulmate cat to send her a sign from beyond the grave that she is at peace. The response (here) will shock you.

2. Dudes getting flowers

Why is it that men (traditionally speaking) are the ones who give flowers, and not usually the ones who get them? We don’t have a good answer for that, but it’s clearly time to flip the script. This week, our friends from All In are hitting the streets of New York and delivering bouquets to men, and they are absolutely loving it. Let’s make this a regular thing.

3. A new grandpa gets good news  

@ellelauricella In my feels today remembering my dad’s reaction to meeting my baby ❤️ We named his middle name after my father and kept it a surprise my whole pregnancy. This was one of the happiest moments of my whole life. #postpartum #dad #dadsoftiktok #dadanddaughter #grandson #firstgrandbaby #birthvlog #hospitalbirth #momsoftiktok #fyp #firsttimemom ♬ Stuff We Did (from 'Up') - Piano Version - your movie soundtrack

Just in time for Father's Day! There’s almost no better way to honor your dad than naming a new baby after him, which is exactly what happens in this video. It’s almost impossible not to cry (happy tears!) seeing this new grandpa learn the good news from his daughter, who’s already weepy from postpartum hormones. (We’re not crying, you’re crying.)

4. Dad's loving dogs

@aubree.avery I had to make a PowerPoint to convice my parents to let me get her & now she is four years old and my parents beg me everyday to let them keep her. #dogmom #doodle #doodlesoftiktok #dogs ♬ Kiss me Sixpence None The Richer - whitelinesprettybabyy

Speaking of adorable dads: It seems like there’s this universal experience where when someone brings a pet into a household, the dad of the household will refuse to bond with it (at least at first). TikTok has latched on to this truth and is now flipping the script, showcasing dads who initially refused to accept the family pet and are now treating it like their precious firstborn. Search “dads and the dog they didn’t want” on TikTok and you’ll find some hilarious examples (like this dad, testing every couch inside a furniture store to make sure he’s able to adequately rub the dog’s belly from his seat on the sofa).

5. A dog who just cannot handle a prank 

@haleyandthepets spoiler bro got mad instantly #foryou #foryoupage #dogs #fyp #dunkindadawg #viral ♬ snoopy von - joro.mixes

We can never share enough dog content, right? (That was a rhetorical question, because the answer is of course not.) Dogs are adorable. They’re hilarious. And they have some very strong feelings. In this video, one easygoing dog gets his “nose stolen” as a prank, and every time he finds out, he shows his owner that he is absolutely not having it. Give that baby her nose back!

For even more “extra”-ordinary moments, come find us on social media (@upworthy) or on upworthy.com!

For scrumptious snacks that add an extra boost of joy to your day, be sure to check out All In.

Learning

The one sign that someone is highly intelligent, according to literary genius Leo Tolstoy

He was a master of understanding the human condition.

en.m.wikipedia.org

Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy.

Leo Tolstoy was a Russian novelist known for epic works such as War and Peace and Anna Karenina. His life experiences—from witnessing war to spiritual quests—profoundly influenced his writings and gave him profound insights into the human soul. His understanding of emotions, motivations and moral dilemmas has made his work stand the test of time, and it still resonates with people today.

Julian de Medeiros, a TikToker who shares his thoughts on philosophy, recently shared how Tolstoy knew if someone was highly intelligent—and his observation says something extraordinary about humanity.

intelligence, thinking, thought process, humanity, humansAn intelligent man's thought process.Canva Photos

“The more intelligent a person is, the more he discovers kindness in others,” Tolstoy once wrote. “For nothing enriches the world more than kindness. It makes mysterious things clear, difficult things easy, and dull things cheerful.”

@julianphilosophy

Intelligent people are kind #intelligent #intelligence #kindness #smart #tolstoy #men #women


De Medeiros boiled down Tolstoy’s thoughts into a simple statement: “Intelligent people are unafraid to be kind.” He then took things a step further by noting that Tolstoy believed in the power of emotional intelligence. "To have emotional intelligence is to see the good in other people, that is what Tolstoy meant, that to be intelligent is to be kind," he added.

It seems that, according to de Medeiros, Tolstoy understood that intelligent people are kind and perceptive of the kindness in others. The intelligent person is conscious of the kindness within themselves and in the world around them.

In a 2024 opinion piece for Inc., author and speaker Jeff Hayden cites organizational psychologist Adam Grant, who says, "Generosity isn't just a sign of virtue. It's also a mark of intelligence. Data: people with high IQs have more unselfish values, give more to charity, and negotiate better deals for others. They prioritize the long-term collective good over short-term self-interest. It's smarter to be a giver than a taker."

Hayden adds on to this statement, saying, "...You can also be smart enough to be generous, thoughtful, and kind. You can be smart enough to build people up instead of tearing them down. You can be smart enough to give before you receive (or better yet, with no expectation of reciprocation.) You can be smart enough to shift the credit from yourself to others."

kindness, intelligence, humanity, human condition, be kindKids showing kindness through sharing. Canva Photos

In other words, these findings certainly line up with what Tolstoy's take on the correlation between kindness and intelligence.

Through Tolstoy's musings, de Medeiros (and Hayden and Grant) makes a point that is often overlooked when people talk about intelligence: truly smart people are as in touch with their hearts as they are with their minds.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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Democracy

Economics expert pinpoints the exact moment in 2012 when 'America went to hell'

Geography was more important than we thought.

via Canva/Photos

An angry man in front of the American flag.

America has never been a perfect place, but since the Civil War, it has been one where most people bought into the idea of the country and supported the institutions that keep it running. People may disagree on politics and culture, but when America was threatened, whether it was 9/11 or World War II, people came together to fight for the country they love, even though the reasons may have differed.

However, it’d be naive to say that sentiment is still as strong as it once was. Since The Great Recession, many people have felt that the vibes are off in America, and polls and research back those feelings. Right around 2012, when smartphones became ubiquitous, there was a considerable rise in the number of people who felt that America was on the wrong track and that racism and sexism were considerably worse than they were just a year before. There was also a big spike in mental illness.

So what happened in 2012? Did the world suddenly become drastically worse overnight, or had our perceptions been changed?

woman, dispair, smartphone, bad news, woman in kitchen, upset womanA woman is upset looking at her smartphone.via Canva/Photos

Why does it feel like America is on the decline?

Other developed countries have experienced similar vibe shifts since 2012, but it has hit America the hardest. Economics blogger Noah Smith explains why this feeling of malaise has hit America so hard, and he illustrates it perfectly in a viral Substack piece called “Social media destroyed one of America's key advantages.” Smith is an American blogger and commentator on economics and current events and former assistant professor of behavioral finance at Stony Brook University.

In his Substack post, Smith postulates that the technological change hit America the hardest because it punctured our geographical buffers. “A hippie in Oakland and a redneck in the suburbs of Houston both fundamentally felt that they were part of the same unified nation; that nation looked very different to people in each place,” Smith writes. “Californians thought America was California, and Texans thought America was Texas, and this generally allowed America to function.”

Why did America fundamentally change in 2012?

Here’s an excerpt from Smith’s piece. Please check out the entire piece on the Noahpinion Substack.

Like some kind of forcible hive mind out of science fiction, social media suddenly threw every American in one small room with every other American. Decades of hard work spent running away from each other and creating our ideologically fragmented patchwork of geographies went up in smoke overnight, as geography suddenly ceased to mediate the everyday discussion of politics and culture.

The sudden collapse of geographic sorting in political discussion threw all Americans in the same room with each other — and like the characters in Sartre’s No Exit, they discovered that “Hell is other people.” Conservatives suddenly discovered that a lot of Americans despise Christianity or resent White people over the legacy of discrimination. Liberals suddenly remembered that a lot of their countrymen frown on their lifestyles. Every progressive college kid got to see every piece of right-wing fake news that their grandparents were sharing on Facebook (whereas before, these would have been quietly confined to chain emails). Every conservative in a small town got to see Twitter activists denouncing White people. And so on.


protests, american protest, protest sign, demonstration, mass gatheringA group of people protesting in the street.via Ted Eytan/Flickr

It may sound cynical to believe that America was a better place when people were less likely to talk to people with a different worldview. But, given how things have gone in the past 15 years, it’s fair to say that putting every American in a proverbial ring to fight it out just makes everyone feel under attack... and the fight never ends.

The problem with the Like button

Another development around the same time that many believe negatively affected the country was the development of the Like button on Facebook. The button made its debut in 2009, and it, along with the share button, which came in 2010, incentivized people to create content that their audience agreed with, creating echo chambers. The buttons also incentivized people to make outrage-provoking posts and create fake stories to go viral and increase advertising revenue.

maga, trump supporters, trump flags, trump rally, american flagsTrump supporters at a rally.via Elvert Barnes/Flickr

The positive takeaway from Smith’s geographical sorting theory is that, quite possibly, many people’s perceptions about life in Amerca are wrong because we’re seeing it through the distorted, funhouse mirror of social media that shows us every bad deed in a country of 330 million people and amplifies the voices of the unscroupulous. By pinpointing the moment that America “went to hell,” as author Jonathan Haidt says, we also have a roadmap to get back to when people had greater faith in America’s institutions and people.

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Music

Freddie Mercury soundalike gets 10,000 people to spontaneously sing Queen's 'Love of My Life'

Marc Martel captures Freddie's unique voice almost perfectly.

Marc Martel/YouTube

Marc Martel sings with the audience in Santiago, Chile, in May of 2022.

Freddie Mercury was known for many things—his dramatic showmanship, his larger-than-life personality, and his untimely death during the peak of the AIDS epidemic—but he is most remembered for his clear, powerful voice, ranging from rich bass notes to impressive soprano coloratura.

It's hard to do Freddie's voice justice, but Marc Martel has managed to wow millions with his impersonations of the Queen lead singer. If you close your eyes and listen, there are seconds when you might swear you were hearing Freddie himself singing again.

freddie mercury, queenFreddie Mercury knew how to work an audience.Giphy

Martel's cover of "Bohemian Rhapsody" has been viewed 56 million times on YouTube. And another of his videos showcases Martel's ability to captivate an audience with his—or Freddie's—voice.

At a concert in Santiago, Chile, in 2022, Martel began playing the piano intro to "Love of My Life," one of Queen's simplest and most sentimental ballads. As soon as he opened his mouth to sing, the audience did the same—10,000 people all singing along in unison—and it's just beautiful.

Watch:

- YouTubeyoutu.be

Queen fans not only loved the sing-a-long but they were also blown away by how close Martel came to channeling Freddie Mercury with his vocals:

"I'm 63. Heard Queen from the start. This man is unbelievable. Why Queen didn't grab him is unbelievable, beyond belief."

"For those of us who love the Mercury timbre, Martel is a blessing."

"The part "you've hurt me" sounds exactly like Freddie. I also love the fact that people are singing too, it gives me Queen concerts vibes :)"

"When the crowd started singing, it genuinely gave me goosebumps. It was like he was singing with a choir. Some great voices in the audience! Well mixed too. Incredible as always!"

"Never mind the vocal inflections, he plays piano outstandingly. Freddie’s voice was so unique and original, it’s unbelievable how close Marc is."

And if you want to see Martel's "Bohemian Rhapsody" video with 56 million views, here it is. Enjoy:

- YouTubeyoutu.be

Amazingly enough, Martel never took singing lessons, instead learning from imitating his favorite vocalists. He also didn't grow up listening to Queen—he came to appreciate their music later in life.

Martel told Altwire in 2023 how he feels about constantly being compared to the late, great icon, Freddie Mercury:

"It’s obviously an honor, and I’ve been getting that comparison for a while, over 12 years now, on a regular basis, no matter what music I’m singing. Even when I try not to sound like Freddie, people will come up to me and there was a point where I was counting how many people would say that to me after a show, like 'Hey! Has anyone ever told you that you sound like Freddie Mercury?' It was at least 5 every time, without fail.

"It is an honor, there are far worse singers out there to be compared to. I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve accepted it, and it’s something I’m never going to escape, so why bother? If I tried to escape it, or kind of morph my voice into something unnatural. It’s the way I sound and thankfully it’s someone who people genuinely love to hear."

Martel is taking his voice on the road again in 2025, touring the United States through the summer and heading to Europe in fall. If we can't have Freddie Mercury live, singing along with Martel to Queen's classics may just be the next best thing.

You can find more of Marc Martel's Freddie Mercury magic on YouTube.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Pets

Family teaches their rats to drive tiny electric cars because, oddly, it's good for them

It may look like a circus stunt, but a real study shows learning to drive is actually beneficial for rats.

Courtesy of @emperorsofmischief/Instagram

Kuzko and Kronk love their "rat rods."

Some people look at rats and immediately get the willies, but people who've had pet rats know that they make delightful furry friends. They each have their own personalities and intellect, and if you get creative, you can teach the rascally rodents to do all kinds of fun things.

One of those fun things, which likely comes as an unexpected surprise, is driving. That's right, you can apparently train a rat to drive a tiny car. And the best part? It's actually good for them.

Before we get into the scientific research on that front, you simply have to see little Kuzko and Kronk behind the wheel (or pedals, actually):

Kuzko and Kronk's owners (@emperorsofmischief on Instagram) say it only took a couple of months of training 5 to 10 minutes a day for them to get the hang of the "rat rod" controls—three simple pedals that make the car go right, left, and forward.

"They do seem to enjoy their nightly practice," their owner writes. "We removed the back doors a while ago to give them full autonomy, and now when the cars come out the rats are quick to jump in on their own and hit the gas!"

The basis for even trying this in the first place is a 2019 study from the University of Richmond. Researchers taught 17 rats, some of them lab rats and some raised in "enriched environments," to drive electric toy cars in exchange for bits of cereal. (Those raised in "enriched environments" made much better drivers, in case you were wondering.)

rats, rat experiment, rats driving, pet ratsAn experiment found that learning to drive lowered rats' stress levels.Photo credit: Canva

The experiment continued after the study was published, and neuroscientist and researcher Kelly Lambert explained how observing the rat drivers early in the pandemic led to new insights.

"Initially, they learned basic movements, like climbing into the car and pressing a lever. But with practice, these simple actions evolved into more complex behaviors, such as steering the car toward a specific destination.

One morning during the pandemic, the rats also taught me something profound.

It was summer 2020, a period marked by isolation for almost everyone on the planet. When I walked into the lab one day, I noticed something unusual: The three driving-trained rats ran to the side of the cage, jumping up and down.

At that point, my lab started looking into how positive events — and anticipation for these events — shape neural functions."

rats, rat experiment, rats driving, pet ratsRat studies are often used to inform human research. Photo credit: Canva

Lambert and another researcher began a new study looking at whether anticipation (or delayed gratification). They called the research program "Wait for It," as they required the rats to wait a certain amount of time before engaging in tasks they enjoy. The results may hold some promise for non-pharmaceutical interventions in mental health challenges.

"Preliminary results suggest that rats required to wait for their rewards show signs of shifting from a pessimistic cognitive style to an optimistic one in a test designed to measure rodent optimism. They also performed better on cognitive tasks and were bolder in problem-solving strategies. We linked this program to our lab’s broader interest in behaviorceuticals, a term I coined to suggest that experiences can alter brain chemistry similarly to pharmaceuticals."

The initial study sound that learning to drive seemed to have a stress-reducing effect on the rats, with all of them testing higher in dehydroepiandrosterone, an anti-stress hormone, than controls.

rats, rat experiment, rats driving, pet rats, holding a ratAnother experiment found that rats seem to actually enjoy driving. Photo credit: Canva

Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean they like it. Rats do tend to thrive with interesting things to stimulate them, but one way to know whether the rats actually enjoy something is if they choose to do it instead of doing something that takes less effort. Lambert explained:

"Although we can’t directly ask rats if they enjoy driving, we created a behavioral test to gauge their motivation to get behind the wheel. This time, instead of giving rats only the option of driving to the Froot Loop tree, they could also make a shorter journey on foot.

Surprisingly, two of the three rats chose to take the less efficient path of turning away from the reward and running to the car to drive to their Froot Loop destination. This response suggests that the rats enjoy both the journey and the rewarding destination."

Enjoying both the journey and the destination is a goal for all of us, isn't it? Thanks to our rat friends behind the wheel, we may be a bit closer to figuring out how more of us can get there.

You can follow the adventures of Kuzko and Kronk and their rat rods on Instagram.

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Parenting

Debate erupts after mom questions whether parents 'should' play with their kids on the playground

She says sitting on the bench instead of playing doesn't make you lazy.

Canva Photos

Is sitting on the bench at the playground "lazy parenting"?

I've been both parents in this situation: I've been the dad climbing up the playground with my kids, chasing them, making up silly games. And then I've also been the dad who just wants to sit on the bench and rest for a few minutes, and who groans when my 4-year-old decides she wants to take on the monkey bars and needs my help.

The former makes you feel like a million bucks, but is utterly exhausting. The latter comes with a ton of guilt. Where does the guilt come from? Why is there so much pressure to always be "on"? I have no idea, but it's suffocating. And some parents have had enough.

One mom is taking a stand against the judgment and internalized-guilt. She says it's more than fine to sit on the side and let your kids play independently.


moms, motherhood, parenting, mom shame, mom guilt, dads, fatherhood, kids, playground, play, independenceSome parents get accused of "not supervising" their kids when they're literally sitting 10 feet away. Photo by Oakville Dude on Unsplash

Amanda, a mom of three, recently posted a video on Instagram: "I saw a reel that said, 'parents at the park should get off the bench and play with their kids...' NO" the caption read.

"God forbid we ... let the playground be for kids ... a space where they get to experience some freedom, explore, interact and engage with other children without their parent breathing down their neck," she writes in the post.

Amanda adds that the advice to "get off the bench" came from a parenting influencer she usually really likes and who has helped her come up with new ideas to connect with her kids. But it shows how deeply-ingrained the pressure really is when even the "good" parenting experts are anti-rest and pro-hyper-involvement.

"I’m just highlighting here that ITS OKAY if you don’t want to be the adult scaling the playground!!" Amanda says. "Didn’t think this was a controversial take but I’ve said it before on here and have been called lazy."


Surprisingly, users were split on Amanda's "hot take," and were pretty heated about it themselves. Over 1.2 million people watched the video and thousands chimed in with their thoughts on the matter.

Many agreed that it was ridiculous to hold parents to the always-on standard.

"That was definitely said by a non parent who probably got ten hours of sleep. The audacity"

"Those of us who are SAHMs go ri the playground for a mother freakin BREAK"

"I tell my kids all the time: 'Go play with your brothers, that’s why I made more than 1 of you' I’m here to sip my coffee and talk to my friends"

"solo mother to toddler triplets here. It has taken me 3 1/2 years to get to the point I can actually sit down at the park. I’d love someone to say that to my face while I take the ONLY 5 minute break I get in my day"

"This! There is an over correction in the parenting these days. This gen of parents wants so barely to not be the absentee parents of yesteryear that they over parent and are over involved"

Some parents had safety concerns about not being "right there" in case something were to happen.

"I hear you but sometimes my toddler wants to play on the bigger structure and I just stand below making sure he doesn't jump off the high platforms"

"I wish, my anxiety is too bad 😂 I’m working on it."

"Maybe when they stop making playgrounds with random drop offs I can be chill enough to sit down."

"Parents need to get off their phones. I'm tired of having to tell someone else's kid to stop throwing sand cuz their mommy cares more about their phone than their kid."

(Whether being on your phone while your kid plays within eye-and-ear-shot is inherently bad is another discussion we need to have.)

A few commenters brought up an even greater point: It's about more than just mom and dad getting a break. It's about giving kids an opportunity to practice independence.

"As a mom of two, I’ve learned there’s so much value in giving kids space to play, explore, and even figure things out without us constantly hovering. It doesn’t mean we’re lazy, it means we trust their independence and know our own nervous systems matter too. We need more conversations like this"

"Let them be bored. Let them get creative. Let them make new friends. Their parent is not their court jester. The playground is meant for children to play, not the parents."

In fact, a key element of the popular and scientifically-validated Montessori method is that children should never be interrupted when playing or focusing on an activity.

"When children are engaged in interesting activities, they are simultaneously practicing their ability to remain engaged, to attend to other activities and to manage multiple stimuli without losing the capacity to concentrate on one. For parents, supporting children’s developing concentration means, first, giving them the opportunity to concentrate without interruption," writes Raintree Montessori.

Many well-regarded educational philosophies center on child-led learning, independence, and allowing children room to flex their creativity and play the way they want. Kids without an opportunity to learn and practice independence early have been shown to have worse outcomes later in life.

Why do millennial parents feel so much pressure to be hyper-involved?


moms, motherhood, parenting, mom shame, mom guilt, dads, fatherhood, kids, playground, play, independenceIt's hard for parents to let go, but kids need chances to practice doing things on their own. Photo by Myles Tan on Unsplash

Gen X and certainly Boomer parents did not feel the same way. Many of them were and are more than content to let their kids run free without nearly as much supervision — for better or worse.

Maybe we've just seen too many influencers wagging their fingers at us, having grown up on social media. We've seen too many news stories about kidnapping and other bad actors stalking public parks. We've seen the horrible injuries and accidents amplified by social algorithms that feed on fear and anger. And so we "helicopter." Not to be controlling, but to be protective.

Bit by bit, though, the public conversation is changing. Parents are being encouraged more and more to let go, just a little bit.

It's such a fine line, though. Many parents hover over their kids on the playground precisely because of potential dangers, bullying, or negative interactions with other kids. And who wouldn't do anything in the world to protect their child?! But it's also more than OK for a parent to consider that a crucial part of the independence lesson. Sometimes it's good for kids to work out conflicts on their own! It's even good for them to push their limits too far and fall down!

Ultimately, you don't have to be a "play" parent or a "bench" parent. You can choose for yourself based on your child, what he or she needs, and what the situation calls for. In the end, there should be a lack of judgment whatever you choose.

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