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Revealing the secrets behind "auramaxxing" the new Gen Z self-improvement TikTok obsession

Gen Z wellness gurus are mixing classic values with some very odd new twists.

Revealing the secrets behind "auramaxxing" the new Gen Z self-improvement TikTok obsession
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When I first heard the term "auramaxxing," and that teenagers, mostly boys, were practicing it by getting into things like mindfulness, presence, and meditation, I thought — "Great!" Young men have a reputation for being angry and far more prone to violence than young girls, so this seemed like a positive development overall, even though the youths gave the trend an annoying name.

But as a father to two girls — and as an extremely uncool 37-year-old — I wanted to learn a little bit more about this surprising trend. So I fired up TikTok and got to searching.


What is "auramaxxing"?

If you're a Millennial or Gen-Xer, you can think of auramaxxing as trying to get as many "cool points" as possible.

It's doing things (and not doing other things) in order to cultivate a better aura.

Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines aura as a "distinctive atmosphere surrounding a given source," or "an energy field that is held to emanate from a living being." So kids who auramax are trying to have a better energy about them. I can see the appeal.

Urban Dictionary calls auramaxxing "The process of maximizing your aura so your presence can be felt before being seen or so that your presence is stronger."

In that definition, you can start to see that auramaxxing isn't really about self-actualization or becoming a better person, it's about appearing more powerful and attractive to other people.

"Auramaxxing is a limb or offshoot on the same tree as rizz. Both rizz and auramaxxing began primarily within audiences of young men, before spreading to culture more broadly," Tom Miner, a social media and trends expert with Gold Miner Media said.

"As a sports fan, I started noticing the term 'good aura' popping up in the last couple years to describe an athlete's hot streak (often times an NBA player). Auramaxxing seems to be an adaption of this."

I asked my 9-year-old (who's not on TikTok) if she had heard the term aura, if anyone in her 5th grade class was saying it. She said Yes and gave an example.

A teammate on her soccer team had missed a shot in practice, she told me, and everyone said "You're losing so many aura points!"

So whether or not kids that young are intentionally "auramaxxing," it's clear that the idea has spread far and wide — and even 9-year-olds know and are quantifying the fact that doing something embarrassing makes you look bad.

Auramaxxing videos on TikTok don't start off so bad. They're more corny than toxic.

The first thing I saw after searching for auramaxxing on TikTok was the account of a young guy named Drew Ford. He's a 24-year-old unshaven, t-shirt wearing guy who inhales spirituality books and doles them out in bite-sized amounts to his followers — and runs a free course called the Subconscious Mastery Challenge.

Drew's advice to grow your aura is simple:

  • Be present in the moment
  • Stop comparing yourself to others
  • Read books
  • Be authentic
  • Be open minded
  • Learn from failure

(And sign up for his email list, of course)

@drewxford

Auramaxxing 101 #thinkbetter #aura

Is he actually qualified to speak on this subject? Probably not.

But as much as it makes me cringe as an adult, it's not the worst advice I've ever heard. It's not going to hurt anyone to practice being more aware in the present moment.

If this was what auramaxxing was really all about, maybe I could get onboard.

From there, you get into the world of jokes and trolling.

In the auramaxxing world, there's this idea of aura points that's really prevalent.

Doing things that are cool earns you points, doing things that are uncool loses points. Most articles I've read about auramaxxing seem to be really concerned about these points. And I can see why. It sounds like a Black Mirror episode, but when I really started watching videos about aura points, it seemed more like Whose Line Is It Anyway — no one is actually keeping track of their score, and it's mostly for laughs. In fact, there were some videos that seemed to be making fun of the whole trend and idea of aura points — they had me cracking up. Like this one:

@dejaunsenpai

slight #fypage

As I went deeper, auramaxxing started to become heavily gendered toward boys, and it developed a lot of crossover with the incel world.

Further into my search, I came across creators who seemed to take aura a lot more seriously. To them, having a strong masculine aura was essential to getting dates and having success in life. This is where you start to learn that to truly maximize your aura (as a man), you need to:

  • Lift weights and pack on muscle
  • Talk less
  • Be more mysterious
  • Get a better haircut and clothes
  • Learn the truth about "modern females"
Yikes. I miss when we were just reading Eckhart Tolle books with the boys!

It's not hard to see how this kind of content leads to extremely toxic ideas about masculinity, misogyny, and more. The whole concept that auramaxxing might actually help boys open up and be less angry was going out the window. Here, we're outright encouraging young men to clam up and suppress their vulnerability.

It's just Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson in a flashy TikTok package. Now I was started to get a little freaked out. But from there it only got worse.

To truly maximize your aura, I learned, you also had to optimize for the physical component of your presence. You had to looksmax, and heightmax, as well.

Yes, those are real terms.

Looksmaxing is exactly what it sounds like — looking your absolute best. But where I expected to see fashion advice, I saw videos about using supplements and doing eye-stretching exercises to "reduce upper eyelid exposure" and "achieve Hunter Eyes" — which is a narrow, intense eye shape you see in models and famous actors.

persons blue eyes in close up photography Photo by Egor Vikhrev on Unsplash

In addition to diet and exercise, I learned you should also sculpt your jaw with mewing and using weird tools, and you should dunk your face in ice every morning to reduce puffiness.

And though it looks like TikTok has cracked down on it, I learned there was a whole genre of looksmaxxing related to "bone-smashing" — or intentionally hitting yourself in the face with heavy objects to reshape your bone structure.

There's even a popular app called Umax that scans your face and tells you how hot (or ugly) you are, along with how much potential you have to be hotter if you follow all the looksmaxxing tips.

For short guys, there's heightmaxxing content, too — wherein random unqualified teens and twenty-somethings recommend exercises, diets, and supplements to make you grow taller. I saw a lot of videos about "banded sleeping," which is binding yourself in a stretched position overnight.

(To be fair, young girls have been under intense pressure to "look their best" forever — but now the expectations have been cranked up to 11 for just about everyone.)

It really frightened me how quickly we got from just wanting other people to think we're cool — which every generation of teens that has ever existed has worried about — to "self-improvement" tips that are extremely dangerous.

The only thing that gives me solace as a parent is that I don't get the sense most people actually take this stuff seriously. Kids talk about aura with a sense of sarcasm and playfulness, for the most part, and a large majority won't follow the trend all the way to the extremes.

And though this all sounds absolutely terrible, it's still easy to find plenty of examples of young people not picking each other apart, but picking each other up.

"A few months back, we saw Gen Z women posting their embarrassing moments, asking how many aura points they lost with each story," says Sallie Stacker, an associate creative director and emerging trends expert at Edelman.

"But instead of being dragged, the community rallied behind them, gifting points for sharing their vulnerability. It seems like what really loses aura points is acting against the nature of who you are."

Let's hope that sticks, and the rest fades away quickly – as fads and trends usually do. But if you notice your teen meditating or suddenly getting really into skincare (or buying a jaw-sculpting tool), you might want to double check where they're getting their advice.

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Joy

5 small things that made us smile this week

Your weekly cheat sheet to the best of the Internet

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Life can be bleak, so we’re going to be celebrating the small joys while we can—whether that’s asweet snack that boosts your mood (courtesy of our friends atAll In), or a picture so incredibly goofy it restores your faith in the algorithm (even if only for a second). These momentary mood boosters are everywhere you look—you just have to be able to find them underneath all the noise. And that’s where we come in.

Consider this weekly web series your cheat sheet to the best of the Internet—not just random memes to make you laugh, but examples of people truly finding something extraordinary in the mundane. Each Friday we'll be delivering five pieces of media that allow you to stop for a second, take a breath, and feel just a little bit brighter among the daily stress. (Think of us as your chronically online bestie who knows exactly how to make you smile, exactly when you need it the most.)

Ready to smile? Here we go.

1. Unplanned triplets 

@murdockmultiples The first of many family reactions to our spontaneous triplet news! Telling my parents we were expecting spontaneous triplets 👶🏻👶🏻👶🏻 And yes my dad didn’t understand that “Baby B” meant twins at first 😂 #spontaneoustriplets #tripletreaction #triplets #murdockmultiples #murdocktriplets #surprisetriplets ♬ original sound - Murdock Multiples

Pregnancy reveals are always fun to watch, but this one is three times as exciting. In this viral TikTok clip, these new grandparents get exciting news when their adult daughter tells them she is pregnant with twins. But wait–there’s more. In what’s probably the shock of their lives, she then reveals that, on second glance, there’s a third baby in there. As in, spontaneous triplets. Three babies. Unplanned. Their reaction is both adorable and totally real: “I don’t even KNOW people with triplets!” Congrats, grandpa–you’re the people, now!

2. Little moments of morning joy

This week, the All In crew is polling people on the streets of New York City about small, everyday things in the morning that bring people joy, from gorgeous greenery to the early morning sun catching the light in just the right way. Just listening to these is making us feel super relaxed.

3. This teacher doing the absolute most for Pride Month

@joey_.veres Mr. Folnsbee the ally that you are @nadipowers @lanie @Fatty ♬ suono originale - 𝙎𝙊𝙁𝙏𝙇𝙔

Meet Mr. Folnsbee, a high school teacher from Horseheads, New York who’s taking Pride Month to the next level. In support of Pride Month (and, presumably, the LGBTQIA+ students at his high school), Folnsbee lets students bedazzle his head with rainbow gemstones—so much so that it looks like a giant, glittering Pride flag. Talk about setting a good example for the next generation!

4. The "goodnight" trend 

@sydsacks I’ve been cracking up at this trend so I made Peter call his besties to say goodnight 🤪 #goodnight #besties ♬ original sound - syd

Calling a friend and wishing them goodnight is a sweet gesture, right? What if the person you were calling was someone you haven’t spoken to in years, or someone with whom you’re just a casual acquaintance? That’s what people are doing in this new TikTok “prank,” and the results are so funny they’ll have you crying. They’re also so sweet, as the responses range from being confused but polite, to wanting to have a long conversation, to being genuinely concerned for the caller’s mental health. It might be a “prank,” but it definitely shows how much we all truly need human connection.

5. Spontaneous street singing

This could only happen in New York City. Instagram users @sabrinakvictor and @thecoryterrell — who were strangers before this video — shared a moment recently on a chance meeting in NYC when the two started singing the exact same song. Watch as the two of them vibe out to "Impossible" by James Arthur and try not to smile or sing along as you watch them (it's actually impossible). The joy here is actually contagious—and the harmonies are on point.

For even more “extra”-ordinary moments, come find us on social media (@upworthy) or on upworthy.com!

For scrumptious snacks that add an extra boost of joy to your day, be sure to check out All In.

Science

Frugal people share 30 things they stopped buying completely to save money

There's so much we buy and use simply out of habit.

Image via Canva

Frugal people open up about how they save money.

Saving money is never a bad thing. And for those looking for economical solutions for how to cut back on spending, a smart place to start is taking an inventory of your spending habits and what you buy.

In an online forum of frugal people, member TS1664 posed the question to fellow savvy financial members: "What’s something you stopped buying completely and don’t miss at all?"

They continued, "For me it’s paper towels. Switched to rags and microfiber cloths a year ago and haven’t looked back. I used to go through a roll a week without thinking, now I just toss the cloths in with regular laundry. Saves money and space."

And they ended the post with some more insight. "It made me realize how many things I was buying out of habit, not need. What things others have cut out completely that turned out to be no big deal or even better without. Could use some inspiration!"

The callout garnered some excellent real-life advice from frugal people. These are 30 things that thrifty people shared they stopped buying completely that helped save them money.

save money, saving money, money habits, money advice, savingMake It Rain Money GIF by A Little Late With Lilly SinghGiphy

"Dryer sheets." Super-Examination594

"Starbucks - bought an espresso machine, took some time to learn how to dial it in and pull a proper shot. It’s been 4+ Years and don’t miss it one bit." Fox_137

"Makeup! Used to wear it every day and buy tons of it to try new products and such. Now I only wear it for special occasions. It works great — even just a little bit of makeup really pops when you hardly ever wear any." VerschwendeMeineZeit

"Soda. Too expensive now. Pre-pandemic, sometimes Kroger would have a sale (4) 12-packs for $10." NotJimIrsay

"Cigarettes 😊." rickety_picket

bottled water, bottled waters, water, plastic water bottle, water martial arts water GIFGiphy

"Bottled water." WorriedPermission872

"Most fast food but especially McDonald's and bk. When I paid $20 for two adults' meals, it stopped making sense, and I'll cook better burgers and better sides fries at home for less." diegothengineer

"Cable tv subscription." nombreusuario

"Pizza delivery service. Frozen meals are just as unhealthy, but much cheaper." The_Keri2

"We started our pizza making journey by buying dough (under $2) at trader joe's. it really lowered the barrier to entry. once we kind of perfected the bake etc, we started playing with dough recipes until we found one we loved. it sounds painful but it was a good learning experience and fun to do together." suddenlymary

candles, candle, scented candle, buying candles, glass candlechristmas sniffs GIF by TargetGiphy

"I stopped buying scented candles. I used to grab them all the time on impulse, but they’re expensive, don’t last that long, and honestly gave me headaches half the time. Now I just open a window or boil some citrus peels with cloves if I want the place to smell nice." HollisWhitten

"Cigarettes and nicotine pouches! Been smoke free since august 2021 and pouch free since July 2024 :)." HueLord3000

"Amazon Prime. We stopped paying for the privilege of shopping and making money for Bozo. Now, we just put stuff in the cart until there is enough for free shipping. I don’t miss Prime, I never found anything on Prime video I wanted to watch once that wasn’t a rental. We live in a rural village, so online is cheaper than driving 25 to 50 miles to a store." cwsjr2323

lottery, lotto, lottery ticket, scratch off, scratch offsAnimation Scratch Off GIFGiphy

"Lottery tickets." evissamnoisis

"Hair color. I’ve embraced the gray!" phishinfordory

"I’ll add sandwich bread. I started making my own. It costs just over $1 for me to make a small loaf that’s just enough for the 2 of us for a week. Plus no additives or preservatives." BeerWench13TheOrig

"Books. I go to the library." Significant-Emu1855

library, library card, library book, books, readingDog Glasses GIF by County of Los AngelesGiphy

"Broth. Have an ongoing 'broth bag' going in the freezer. Once I run out of frozen broth cubes, I make another round." Colorfulplaid123

"New clothes from shops! I'm now a charity shop and Vinted gal, my clothes are so much better quality and I spend less." CorinaPhoto

"Bidet toilet seat is cheap, easy to install, much easier and faster to use, and most importantly will keep you far cleaner while not wasting any toilet paper." hopopo

"Menstrual products. Bought a menstrual cup back in 2016 and have not looked back." simply-misc

"Chip clips. I buy cheap old wooden clothespins! Works great and if they break, no biggie. It’s $2 for 24. I also use clear shower caps for dishes I have no lids for or it’s something that can’t have a lid, like deviled eggs. I use the shower caps. Much cheaper than those bowl covers they sell 8-12 in a pack for $1.25. Those bowl covers are kind of pricey and you get 1 large and 2 mediums and a bunch of tiny ones!!" Florida1974

alcohol, quit alcohol, drinks, pour out, drinkingPour One Out Malt Liquor GIFGiphy

"Alcohol." Fit_Artichoke_523

"Baked beans in the can, I literally keep everything on hand to make it so it was an excess purchase. Instant rice packs, I make regular rice, 20 minutes is not that long 😆 We keep getting gifted napkins but we don’t purchase them." Miss_Pouncealot

"Soap in a pump bottle. Switched to bars (Costco). So much value, less trash and plastic, and a better experience. Why did we invent pump bottle soap??" thebiglebowskiisfine



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Humor

Gen X latchkey kids share their funniest and most frightening 'home alone' stories

"Did so much hitchhiking.... so stupid."

Image via Canva

Gen X 'latchkey kids' share funny stories about being left home alone.

Generation X, those born from 1985 to 1980, are also referred to as the "Latchkey Generation." Known as 'latchkey kids,' many Gen Xers grew up returning from school to an empty house due to working parents, and let themselves in with latchkeys. All that time home alone was filled with mischief, games and exploration that have become great tales.

On a Reddit forum primarily populated with Gen Xers, member @FloresPodcastCo asked fellow readers, "Tell Me Your Most 'This Could’ve Gone Really Bad' Latchkey Kid Moment."

They went on to share, "I’d love to hear how you almost died, blew something up, nearly burned down the house, sliced something off, barely escaped a swarm of African killer bees... whatever else probably wouldn't have happened if you hadn’t been left home alone at 9 years old."

Gen X has plenty of stories to share. These are 16 of the funniest, scariest, and most shocking 'home alone' latchkey kid stories they had to tell.

latchkey kids, latchkey kid, latchkey experience, kids 80s, kids 70slatchkey kids GIF by Dylan MorangGiphy

"I was about 11 (so this would’ve been around 1986), playing with my G.I. Joes and pretending that our entertainment console -- the one that held the TV and stereo -- was COBRA’s secret base. This console had those little silver tabs you could move around to adjust the height of the shelves. Well, one of those tabs was missing from the front of the shelf the TV sat on. Why it wasn’t missing from the back so the TV could rest against the wall, I’ll never know. You’d have to ask my mom. Anyway, I was kneeling in front of it, staging a full-on assault on COBRA, when -- either I bumped the shelf or something shifted (nearly 40 years later and I still don’t know what actually happened) -- the TV tipped forward and started to fall. I was strong enough to catch it, but not strong enough to set it down gently. So I fell straight back, landing on the floor with the TV balanced on my chest and stomach, arms wrapped around it in a death grip to keep it from crashing to the ground. And I just… stayed there. For probably an hour. Eventually, my mom came home from shopping with my little sister and found me like that. I was fully expecting to get the shit beat out of me (that's how punishments were doled out at our house), but she burst out laughing when she saw me laying there with the TV on my chest. That definitely saved me. We went to the hardware store later that week to pick up some replacement tabs for the shelf." —@FloresPodcastCo

"I’d forgotten my house keys and calling my parents was pretty much calling for a beating. So I climbed out on the ledge of the 11 story apartment building where we lived, shimmied to my room window and cracked the lock securing the grill, climbed in and went about my day. I was 12. F*cking stupid lucky f*ck." —@Exact-Estate7622

"I used to climb on anything; buildings, light poles, those huge electric transmission towers, rocks, mountains, etc. Also used to dig into dirt and sand banks and have small caves collapse on me. Jumped off the roof (once) with a sheet for a parachute (didn't work, broke shrub). Set house on fire (just the outside, put it out, sanded off charred bits). Set garage floor on fire, put it out, garage floor spalled and got all rough. Threw JARTs at my step-brother who threw them at me; JART scar on foot. Cut my own arms swinging around a sword I sharpened (was in my 20s). Broke open thermometers, played with mercury. Melted lead and poured into crude molds. Cut a power cord off of a lamp so I could plug it in and have power for experiments. Stuck needles and pins through my fingertips and under my finger nails (that really hurts). Practiced holding my palm over a candle to get used to the pain (like in Kung-Fu tv show)." —@Far_Winner5508

mercury, liquid mercury, mercury gif, mercury thermometer, mercury videomercury GIFGiphy

"OMG, love this. We were at the Fontainebleau Miami beach and I was locked out of our room. There for a work convention so I figured if the neighbor (coworker of my parent) could let me in to their balcony I would simply hop down to our room and let myself back in to the room as we had left towels drying on the balcony. Should have been super easy to find our room, right????!! Nope, someone had pulled the towels in that we had drying. I walked in to the wrong room, interrupted er, adult activities and freaked a couple out. Lol, I don't even remember if I ever got to our room!" —@lisavfr

"Neighbor kids and my little brother were playing with gasoline and matches in the back yard. They started a small fire against the house and freaked out running home. I put the fire out with the hose and went back inside to play some Atari. 15 minutes later firemen knock on our door asking about the fire. 11 year old me looked them in the face, said 'I don't know what you're talking about' and closed the door. Our house was pretty shitty. We found out the hard way that touching our fridge and our stove at the same time sent electricity pulsing through you. So, for fun, we'd wait for someone to touch the fridge and grab them while holding the stove." —@mr_yuk

"My brother used to start fires with a magnifying glass. One day he was showing our younger cousin how it worked and the adults came home so he ran out to greet them and left little cuz to tend to the fire. Luckily yours truly could always spot when he was up to something so I quickly sussed it out and excitedly alerted the authorities. Did not work out how I was hoping as bro did not get into trouble but I sure got did, for snitching." —@mamapello

magnifying glass, magnifying glass heat, magnifying glass light, magnifying glass gif, magnifying glass prankmagnifying glass gifGiphy

"When we were 13-14 we used to go to this one kid’s house to do bong hits in the basement because his parents were never around. We quickly learned that if you were barefoot and touched the door handle of the old refrigerator you’d get lit up good. So naturally any new degenerate wanting to hang out with us had to grab the sodas. Of course only after being informed of the strict no shoes policy in the house. We really were assholes and it’s amazing how many of us survived." —@Smilneyes420

bacon, frying bacon, bacon gif, fry bacon, make baconsizzle GIFGiphy

"My sister was frying up some bacon for the first time. Caught fire. We remembered seeing that PSA with Hal Linden about putting a lid on the pan." —@ProStockJohnX

"Fell through the ice while exploring. I was walking on a frozen pond that a little creek ran into. Decided to check out the creek and wham! Fell through up to my chest. Was wearing heavy winter coat etc. I panicked a little bit but managed to climb my way out and onto ground. I walked back I don't know how far, shivering in frozen clothes. Made it home, stripped and curled up on top of the heat register. Shook me up." —@Practical-Bar8291

"Did so much hitchhiking.... so stupid."—@ CanadianBertRaccoon

hitchhike, hitchhiking, thumbs up, catch a ride, hitchhikerhitchhikeGiphy

"On the 4th of July, on my (now) wife's street, the neighbors all shot off fireworks. I found a bunch of older ones in my closet, so I brought them along. One of the Jumping Jacks went up and totally took off down the street. We laughed and thought nothing of it. Until a car drove by, stopped, backed up a bit, then drove forward to us and said, "Did you guys know that house's driveway is on fire?" We ran over and looked. The JJ landed in their big plastic trash barrel and ignited it. Thankfully, not their house. We doused the fire and took off (there were no cars in their driveway, so they weren't home). I'm guessing they came home to their melted trash bin and were like 'F*CKING KIDS! WHY WOULD THEY LIGHT OUR BARREL ON FIRE?'" —@mbadolato

"My parents were out doing something and my brother and I were playing hockey or basketball or something in the driveway. One of us needed to go inside for something so we were about to punch in the garage door code. Before doing so, I told him to grab the door handle and go for a ride. He never let go. Due to angles and whatnot he managed to get his head and shoulders stuck between the garage door and the frame. He just dangled there for a while."—@ coolguymiles

garage door, garage door gif, open garage door, close garage door, garagehomer simpson sharing GIFGiphy

"I would get random rides with people at the park where I got dropped off after school. They would take me to the convenient store to get drinks and snacks. No way I would let my kids if they did that now, lol." —@WiseAce1

"That time 10 year old me wanted to grill hamburgers outside but there was a storm. My solution was to put a small propane grill on top of the stove and turn on the exhaust fan. I thought I was a genius. Yeah. It was an electric stove and didn't vent to the outside. The house filled with smoke and every alarm went off. And I'm sure high levels of carbon monoxide too. The grill flared up like crazy and I damn near started a kitchen fire. The burgers sucked. And we didn't have hamburger buns. Only square wonder bread."—@thisfriggingguy

"street golf. we found a set of clubs and balls and, yeah...." —@BridgestoneX

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Culture

Philosophy expert shares the 'simple but profound rule' to tell if someone is a good or bad person

It comes down to a specific type of kindness.

via Canva/Photos and G.Meiners/Wikimedia Commons

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and a scene at a restaurant.

Have you ever met somebody new and wondered if they were a good person with a mischievous streak or a bad person who can turn on the charm and behave occasionally? Determining someone’s true moral character is important, especially if you start dating them or have a business relationship. It is crucial to get to the core of who they are and know whether they can be trusted.

Popular TikTok philosopher and Substack writer Juan de Medeiros recently shared a great way to determine whether someone is good or bad. His rubric for judging someone’s moral character comes from a quote commonly attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, a German poet, playwright, novelist, and intellectual known for works like Faust and The Sorrows of Young Werther.

How can you tell if someone is a good or a bad person?

“Here's a pretty good indicator that somebody is a bad person and vice versa, how you can spot a good one. And this goes back to a simple rule, a moral aphorism by Goethe in which he writes, ‘Never trust someone who is unkind to those who can do nothing for him,’” de Medeiros shared in a TikTok video with over 45,000 views.

“Never trust someone who is unkind to those who can do nothing for him,” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

@julianphilosophy

Good vs. bad #good #bad #wisdom

De Medeiros then provided real-world ways to determine whether the person you have questions about is good or bad. “A bad person is unfriendly to strangers, to the elderly, to children, to service staff, to anybody they're not trying to impress,” he said. At the same time, the good person treats people equally, no matter what they can do for him. They’re good for goodness sake, not to get anything out of it.

“A good person carries grace within them and shares it freely with abundance. A good person treats other people as they would like to be treated as well. And it doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter what your status is, they will treat you and see you as their equal,” de Medeiros said.


What is 'The Waiter Rule'?

Goethe’s quote echoes the common red/green flag test that many people have on dates. Sure, it's important if your date is courteous and treats you well on the date, but you really want to watch how they interact with the server. The rule is often called “The Waiter Rule,” outlined by William Swanson. Swanson, the former chairman and CEO of Raytheon Company, wrote in his book, 33 Unwritten Rules of Management, "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter—or to others—is not a nice person." Boxer Muhammad Ali is also known for saying something similar: "I don't trust anyone who's nice to me but rude to the waiter. Because they would treat me the same way if I were in that position."


Rudeness toward the waitstaff also indicates that the person isn’t very smart. It’s not wise to be rude to someone who is in charge of your meal for the night.

Conversely, a good person is kind to others without looking for anything in return because they want to spread joy and believe that others deserve respect. You are what you do, not what you think or believe, and when someone treats others with goodness, it's a clear indicator of the type of person they are.

In the end, we are all a mixed bag of behaviors and attitudes, and even the most perfect of us has a devil on their shoulder telling them that it’s okay to occasionally get into a bit of mischief. However, when it comes down to determining someone's core character, how they treat those who can do nothing for them says everything.

This article originally appeared in April.

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Culture

Non-Americans share 15 things that left them utterly bewildered when they visited America

The way we just scrape our food into the sink after meals.

Derek Wolfgram/Flickr & Canva Photos

People are sharing the weirdest things that are considered normal in America.

For better or worse, it's easy for all of us to find ourselves in a bubble. We're surrounded by a certain way of thinking, a certain lifestyle, and a certain perspective on cultural norms. We can get caught up in thinking that people outside of our little bubble are weird, or different, and that the strange ways they might do things are flat out wrong or bizarre. This is especially common in the United States. The world, in a lot of ways, is America-centric. Most anywhere we go, people will speak English, accept our currency, and know who Taylor Swift is.

But the truth is that there's a big wide world out there, full of vastly different cultures and ways of life! And have we ever stopped to think... maybe we're the weird ones?

A recent thread on Reddit posed the question: "What is something Americans consider normal, but people from other countries find it disturbing?

Here are the best responses on things that are normal in the U.S. but considered strange, shocking, horrifying, or just plain weird elsewhere.

1. Portion sizes

america, usa, american culture, europe, culture, americans, europeans, americans abroad, tourists, immigrantsAmerican portion sizes are colossal. Photo by mostafa rzq on Unsplash

"The portion thing always makes me laugh now since I learned Europeans apparently dont do leftovers from restaurants. I get that if you're used to a restaurant portion being something you always eat all of in one sitting our portions probably seem ridiculous. ... As a big dude who eats a ton just to live, I'm glad our portions are what they are," one user wrote.

2. Garbage disposals in kitchen sinks

"Yeah, it’s wild how normal they seem here, but elsewhere they’re seen as loud, dangerous, or just plain weird," someone commented.

"They also seem to think we dump large amounts of food waste down them when they’re just meant for small scraps," a user added.

Garbage disposals, indeed, are not often found outside of the United States. In fact, they're outright banned in many European countries. The thinking is that encouraging people to scrape leftover food down the drain places additional stress on the sewage system and harms the environment.

3. Prices don't include tax

Foreigners think it's weird when they come to America and a 99 cent item ends up costing $1.06. Differing sales tax across state lines is partly to blame, but users in the thread were convinced that's only an excuse:

"If the cash register knows the price, then the price sticker machine can be set with the same price. It's really that simple," someone wrote.

4. Gaps between restroom stall doors

america, usa, american culture, europe, culture, americans, europeans, americans abroad, tourists, immigrantsAmerican public restrooms aren't very private. Photo by Austin on Unsplash

Visitors from Europe are used to public restroom stalls that are almost completely enclosed. In America, for some strange reason, we love leaving gigantic gaps between the edges of the door, the floor, and the ceiling. Why? There are a few reasons: It's easier to mop under the stalls this way, and less privacy means it's harder for folks to get away with doing sketchy things in the stalls. But either way, a lot of people don't like it.

"I once cried during a layover in the US because I needed to empty my menstrual cup after 12+ hours of traveling, and you could literally just see into every stall. Plus I need to squat down to do it, and the doors ended at my knees. A random lady saw me panicking and when I said the stalls weren't private enough, she said "awwwwe, are you European?"

5. So. many. commercials.

"I had a British friend ask why were there so many commercials during an episode of Family Guy," one user wrote.

"And the content of those commercials. Apparently it's only American doctors who need their patients to ask about some amazing new medication that has crazy side effects," another added.

6. We get healthcare through our jobs

It always struck me as funny that a country that supposedly loves entrepreneurs and small business owners makes it so incredibly dangerous to leave your job for any reason. It's even more shocking to people from, well, almost any other developed country.

"This job pays like shit and I hate it, but if I quit my essential medication won't be covered until I get hired somewhere else, so I can't risk it!" one user joked.

7. Worrying about the cost of the doctor

At least a quarter of adults regularly skip necessary medical care because they're worried about how much it costs. Visitors from abroad are utterly horrified by the thought of having to consider whether potentially life-saving procedures fit the budget.

8. Cashiers don't sit down

america, usa, american culture, europe, culture, americans, europeans, americans abroad, tourists, immigrantsCashiers in America stand all shift long. Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

People who work the cash register generally sit down in most parts of the world, including Europe. It's more comfortable and ergonomic, and in fact there's something called Right to Sit that guarantees this benefit.

In America, cashiers are often forbidden from sitting down while working, which comes as a big surprise to foreigners.

9. HOAs

HOAs exist in some parts of the world, but they are particular intense in America. It can be a bucket of cold water for people who move here from abroad.

"A client of mine had a sick husband. He unfortunately passed away. She leaves her garbage cans out during this time and begins to get fined by the HOA everyday her cans are left out, and letters posted on her door," one user shared.

10. School children reciting the Pledge of Allegiance

america, usa, american culture, europe, culture, americans, europeans, americans abroad, tourists, immigrantsAmerica loves the Pledge of Allegiance. Photo by Townsend Walton on Unsplash

Some countries around the world have their own version of the Pledge of Allegiance. What's extremely rare is a democracy forcing children to recite their loyalty every morning and even face punishment if they refuse.

"Did a student exchange [in the US] when I was 17 and got detention on my first day for not saying it. I didn’t know it, but even if I did… It’s not my country! Tried so hard to politely explain that to the teacher and they wouldn’t have a bar of it," one commenter shared.

11. Our obsession with grass lawns

The love, nay, obsession, with lawns found in the America suburbs is not a global phenomenon. A lot of foreigners find it to be extremely strange, and a little disturbing. But there is a bright side:

"As a married, middle aged man with 3 kids, ill let everyone in on a little secret: Its the only time we get to ourselves... It also is really satisfying. But the actual reason behind why it became a thing is rooted in the classwar and racism like everything else in this country," one user wrote.

12. Declawing cats

Optional or cosmetic surgeries on pets are pretty unique to America, all things considered:

"Docking tails, and clipping ears, and dew claw removal on dogs, too! Our miniature pinscher has had all three done to her by her previous owner, and it's just so needlessly cruel. She didn't need any of those surgeries," someone wrote.

13. Wearing shoes in the house

Shoes in the house is not uniquely American, but it's more common here than most other places around the world.

"This is insane and nasty. The city I live in unfortunately has a lot of shit — and I don’t mean from dogs — on the ground. Wearing shoes in the house is disgusting," someone wrote.

Personally, I love wearing shoes in the house—otherwise I'd constantly be stubbing my toes!

14. Circumcision

Again, a few other places around the world perform circumcisions, usually for religious reasons, but America is unique in the way it has become the default choice for almost every boy regardless of religion or background. Europeans, in particular, find this practice extremely strange.

"So glad I didn’t do this to my son. My fiancée’s family gave me serious backlash for choosing not to because all of the boys on her side of the family are circumcised. I simply told them that I am not a barbarian and I don’t care what they think," one user wrote.

15. Sugar in weird places

america, usa, american culture, europe, culture, americans, europeans, americans abroad, tourists, immigrantsAmerica loves extra sugar in savory foods. Photo by Immo Wegmann on Unsplash

A lot of food items on American shelves include tons of added sugar and high fructose corn syrup. You expect to see it in soda, candy, and desserts. But bread? Pasta sauce? Why is there so much sugar in everything?

Sugars are used regularly in America to enhance flavor and work as a preservative, whereas the practices aren't as common in many other countries.

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Dad with postpartum depression took his baby on a walk. It started a mental health movement.

"Because fatherhood is better together."

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Kalvin Bridgewater couldn't quite put his finger on why he felt so off after his newborn daughter arrived. Sure, he was exhausted—babies can cause that. His wife was suffering with crying jags and anxiety, which, as a society, we often pinpoint as postpartum depression. They sought help for her, but Kalvin's mental health continued to decline.

He shares on his website, "I didn't even notice how much I was changing myself. My health was declining and my weight went from 200 to 265 from stress eating—food became my only comfort from what I now know was postpartum depression."

The National Library of Medicine reports that postpartum depression in men can occur soon after a child is born. "It is frequently reported in mothers but can also occur in fathers. There are no established criteria for PPD in men, although it could present over the course of a year, with symptoms of irritability, restricted emotions, and depression."

Bridgewater shares that one day he took their baby for a walk in a stroller. He was joined by about four other dads who would also take their babies for walks together. They started calling themselves the Daddy Stroller Social Club. "This grew to 75 to 100 dads coming out to these events," he shares on a TikTok video that's chyron reads, "These dads turned stroller walks into a powerful support group."

We see the words "Because fatherhood is better together," as Bridgewater continues: "We just started bonding, socializing and creating a community for dads. If we're able to share the knowledge that we receive and get the extra tools. That wasn't passed down to us. To not just be a better father—be a better husband, somebody better in the community."

Daddy Stroller Social Club (DSSC), their website makes clear, "was born out of a need for community. The vision was inspired by Eve Akins, a Dallas doula and her community of young mothers that get together on the weekends and uplift each other."

The key for DSSC is not only to bond with one another and to be better fathers and partners, but also to spread the word about this rather common mental affliction. "We are committed to de-stigmatizing paternal postpartum depression through community-building, advocacy, outreach, and storytelling. By amplifying the voices of fathers and promoting early intervention, we aim to create a space where fathers and father-figures can access communal support, education, and the wellness services they need in order to be functioning caretakers of their family unit."

The TikTok and Instagram comments—of which there are many—are incredibly supportive. One person writes, "This movement is powerful and priceless."

On an Instagram reel where the DSSC writes "Propaganda we're not falling for:" they list, in part, "Boys will be boys. Toxic masculinity. Gender roles. Rest equals laziness." A commenter writes, "This is great that you all are dismantling the myths, men go through their own postpartum journey! A lot of my clients are males going through difficulty adjusting to this new phase of life. Let’s continue to normalize this."

And one of the most exciting parts? What began in Dallas/Ft. Worth has now spread to chapters around the country. They're called "strides," and they are rolling out quickly—from Atlanta to Los Angeles to Philly and more.

It's concrete proof that just taking that (literal) first step can make positive change, not just for one person, but for an entire community.

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