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motivation

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Men falling into quick sand, molasses, meditation.

First of all, you're not alone. Feeling "stuck" can—and usually does—happen at any stage of life. It's not a reflection of your success status, your love attachment, or even necessarily your choices. But it can feel like you're walking in sticky molasses with no way out. These feelings could range from mere procrastination on small tasks to a bigger picture "stuckness" wherein you might feel an existential angst that seems to freeze your ability to make change.

While many therapists offer helpful solutions on how to get "unstuck," non-experts have creative ideas too, and they are surprisingly simple.

In 30 seconds flat, Stanford professor Graham Weaver shares ways to become unstuck, which he also imparts on his students. He begins by asking four questions: "What am I avoiding? I need to go right at that." So, let's say you've got mounds of paperwork on your desk and just can't bring yourself to go through it. This creates a cycle of stuckness, because until you tackle that task, you might not be able to move on to the next thing. Naming it is the first step to addressing it.

@grahamcweaver

How to get unstuck. Four simple tips. #growth #stuck #selfimprovement #mindsetmotivation #lifeadvice #personaldevelopment #goals

He then advises to ask the question, "Where do I start?" Good question, right? His answer is easy: "Translate my goal into something simple I can do today." This could merely be sending an email about a job opportunity or, ya know, going through at least a portion of that mountain of paperwork.

The third question he proposes is, "How do I 'win' today? Just write down three things I can move forward on today, and then get up and repeat that tomorrow." Your three things can be as simple or complex as you'd like. Example: Pay the minimum payment (if not all) of a bill. Send an email about a project idea. Change your sheets.

And lastly, he asks, "What are the habits that are interfering with where I want to go?" This is probably the most important and possibly most difficult when trying to assess your stuckness. (For me, it's a lack of focus. I'll begin doing something creative or practical, and then I'll start scrolling Instagram for hours. Since I can't change that, I put my phone in a drawer for as long as possible and give myself a goal of at least one hour without it. Baby steps.)

Just recently on Reddit, someone posted the question: "How do you quickly get out of a rut situation and take actions?" They describe feeling stuck, and in part share, "I want to learn skills. I want to mainly overcome fears and complete tasks that I’ve been neglecting to do. Now I always feel like I’m not good enough. I don’t have the proper plan and basic idea how to achieve goals. So my mind automatically chooses to procrastinate, yet in the background, all I do is worry about my life problems."

Redditors recognized themselves in this statement and many had solid ideas. The first commenter suggests literal movement. "For me, the way out was exercise. To start, once I got so frustrated with myself for lying around and doing nothing that I couldn't take it anymore, I would get up and go to the gym and use that frustration to get me moving. I noticed after I went to the gym I would feel so good, both physically and mentally. This spurred me to get more things done around the house, instead of just doing nothing."

 homer simpson, the simpsons, treadmill, excercise Homer tries to use the treadmill.  Giphy 20th Century Fox 

Another echoes Weaver's idea of creating smaller goals that can help one, as he said, "win today." This Redditor shares, "What I have found works for me is just getting something done to build momentum, even if it's a small thing. Then I layer another small thing on top of that and keep going. Some people say do the difficult things first and get it out of the way. I am not built that way. I fear what's difficult and procrastinate. So I build up to it by gaining smaller victories."

This person offers what's called The Two Minute Method. "The two minute method (it has a million other names as well) is good. Just take one thing you know you need to be doing, and do it for 2 minutes. Generally, once you get going, you'll be able to do it for longer than that. The great barrier is inertia—objects at rest want to stay at rest."

While there were many other helpful answers from everyday Redditors, this person listed three excellent ideas in a row of things one can actually do right now to make a significant change: "If you’re on social media and often catch yourself mindlessly scrolling every time there’s a lull in the day, challenge yourself to delete the apps. For a week, for a month, etc. See how you feel!"

They add to motivate yourself through music. "If you’re a music person, put together some playlists based on the mood you’re trying to set. Need some light background noise for reading? Throw together some chill instrumental songs. Need a workout playlist? Gather all the songs that get you amped. If your library isn’t that deep you can always search for playlists on YouTube/Spotify."

And lastly, "Might sound silly, but meditation can be a great tool to help look inward, boost your morale, and set intentions for what you want to focus on. You can look up: affirmations meditation, motivation meditation, unstuck meditation."

Here's one of many meditations focused on unsticking:

  guided meditation, anxiety, feeling stuck, therapy  www.youtube.com, John Davisi 

Cold_Pin8708/Reddit

Dad encourages son with spina bifida during tough physical therapy work.

A little encouragement can go a long way. For father Chase Harris (@chase_chasman), he is his son Bubba's #1 hype man as he battles through grueling physical therapy sessions for spina bifida.

In an inspiring video shared in an online community celebrating people with a hopeful outlook on life, Harris challenges Bubba, who is 7 years old and also has scoliosis, with the utmost patience and gentleness as he attempts to step off a curb—an exercise that is part of his physical therapy work. Community member Cold_Pin8708 wrote, "With dad, and God's help, he'll get there," when he shared the video.

On TikTok, Harris captioned the video himself with, "Bravest boy I know!" In it, Harris stands alongside Bubba as he slowly inches his way to step off the curb. Harris offers guidance on how to position his body and use his strength to maneuver his walker.

@chase_cashman

Bravest boy I know! #fyp #bubbastrong #spinabifidawarrior #fatherson

"Bubba had to overcome his fear with this one," Harris added in the video's caption. He tells Bubba that this move requires "a lot of control." "This can be dangerous for Bubba if he's alone and can't control himself on an incline," he adds.

Bubba slowly steps his way to the curb as his dad tells him to take quick steps. Bubba is afraid, and pauses before stepping off the curb. "It helps if he hears me affirm to him that I won't let him fall," Harris adds in the caption. He tells Bubba, "I've got you. You're not going to fall." And Bubba replies, "Okay. Love you."

@chase_cashman

Moments that are tough #fyp #fatherson #physicaltherapy #spinabifidawarrior #fatherhood

With his dad's encouragement, Bubba steps off the curb and does not fall. "Sometimes you gotta get over your fear like that," he tells Bubba. Bubba is emotional and hugs his dad. "If you won't have tried it, something like that would have had you stuck. But you made it though! That's it. It's over. It's defeated. So move to the next."

People in the online community are singing Harris' praises:

"I love this family! The dad gives the perfect balance between pushing and encouraging but knowing when the kiddo is frustrated and giving him a break. The little boy is such a fighter and works SO hard. I love them."

"Real fathers will be there no matter how tough it gets."

"C’mon! Let’s go little man! 💪🏽💪🏽 move over world here he comes! I hope to one day have half of the fight you have inside myself. Thank you for the motivation! You are loved! Great job dad, the world needs more fathers like you!🫶🏽💪🏽❤️."

Finally, viewer Porfessional_Bake209 shared, "Baby boy did so good - every video I see with them he’s doing so frigging good and I’m always tearing up while sitting on the edge of the couch, cheering and jumping 🥹🥹❤️❤️ and dad is doing such a great job supporting, hyping, catching, helping and describing the tasks to good 🙌🏼 sending them tons of love ❤️."

@chase_cashman

God is good #fyp #spinabifida #bubbastrong

Harris and Bubba have continued to document the ins-and-outs of their daily life with their followers on social media. The family has been sharing Bubba's journey online since he was four years old. "He has always been a fighter. He has come so far," they shared in another video.

Joy

Woman makes a show out of timing how long it actually takes to do tasks she puts off doing

She's being hailed the "more relatable, Marie Kondo" for how she inspires people to tackle their own put off tasks.

@christinewrutzen/TikTok

Not all heroes wear capes.

We can all be guilty of convincing ourselves that certain tasks will take wayyyyyyy longer than they actually do. Those mountainous piles of clothes that need to be folded (or is it washed? who can tell anymore), the fridge that desperately needs old condiments thrown out, removing whatever entity is behind that couch…

No matter what chore we’re procrastinating on, odds are we are making it way more herculean than it actually is. And now, thanks to one brave—and very entertaining—soul, we have definitive proof.

In her super-viral TikTok series titled “How Long Does It Actually Take,” fellow procrastinator Christi Newrutzen dons a pair of sunglasses, comfy clothes, and a newscaster-worthy microphone as she times herself doing dull tasks she’s put off…some upwards of a couple of years.

It’s really the perfect combo of charming deadpan delivery, relatability, and eye-opening discoveries that make these videos so impactful. In the clip below, Newrutzen puts away two loads of laundry, which she had been putting off for 11 days.

Armed with her laptop (because she always has to watch something while doing laundry) Newrutzen managed to do it all in just 28 minutes.

 
 @christinewrutzen I dont know if it looks like it but it was in fact 2 loads of laundry 😂 and I always have to be watching something while I put away laundry otherwise it's like a death sentence 🥲 #cleantok #laundry #homeimprovement #clothes #adhd #executivedysfunction #organization ♬ Boss Bitch - Doja Cat 
 
 

In another video, Newrutzen finally schedules a dentist appointment. After three years of avoiding it, the whole thing only took nine minutes.

 
 @christinewrutzen i dont know why this took me soooooooo long to do, but MAN do I feel so much better now, please don't judge me, this was hard 🥲 #procrastination #dentist #appointment #cleantok #organization #adhd #executivedysfunction #homeimprovement ♬ original sound - Christi Newrutzen 
 
 

Newrutzen also handles bigger tasks, like organizing the garage. This did end up taking a little over an hour. But considering the shelves have apparently “never not looked like this,” it’s still safe to assume this was undeniably less taxing than she assumed it would be.

 
 @christinewrutzen This one took me out, I was really not feeling it by the end 😩 ill have to take out all that stuff to the dumpster later 😅 #cleantok #cleaning #organizing #garage #procrastination ♬ two - bbno$ 
 
 

Newrutzen’s longest task to date seems to be repainting a chest of drawers she bought discounted in hopes of refurbishing. It was a project she started two years ago, and hadn’t touched since. This technically took her 23 hours, including waiting for paint to dry and whatnot. But the actual time spent working on said project was an hour and four minutes.

If this is inspiring you to finally conquer your own ever ending to-do list, you’re not alone. So many people shared how Newrutzen’s videos gave them the gumption to tackle their chores. Lo and behold, they made the same discoveries she did!

“I timed how long it took me to match the freaking socks last night,” one viewer wrote. “Because of you, I found out it only takes me 15 minutes!! I swore it was an hour long deal.”

“I’ve been staring at a mess in my hallway for about a week now trying to get myself to clean it up and because of your video I did it this morning and it took a total of 42 seconds,” another shared. “42 seconds!!!!!!”

Others just chimed in to praise Newrutzen for her contribution.

“You are the new, more relatable, Marie Kondo,” one person gushed.

“You're gently and comically reminding us that the giant, foreboding thing in the corner that we've been dreading for months is not THAT bad if we just do it ✨ TYSM,” said another.

productivity, marie kondo, getting things done, to do list, chores, procrastination An assortment of stick notes on a car steering wheelImage via Canva

Newrutzen told Upworthy that the response to her series has equally inspired her to do more.

"It feels incredible to know my videos are having this kind of impact on people and also I am finally getting stuff done that I've needed to do for years," she said, adding that she continues surprising herself with how quickly she gets certain tasks done. Unloading the dishes, for example, took around 5 minutes. "Dishes are literally the bane of my existence but seeing it through that perspective has helped me a lot!"

Next time you find yourself putting off that thing (you know the one), remind yourself that it likely won’t take nearly as long as your brain tells you it will. Maybe even take a page from Newrutzen’s book and time yourself doing it to get that hard data. Because, even though perfection is impossible, having something so minuscule take over valuable brain space is just plain stressful…more stressful than actually doing the thing.

Mental Health

Adam Grant explains that a simple tweak in how you journal can boost your motivation

"Part of our motivation comes from feeling capable of making a difference."

Adding contributions to a gratitude journal can help make you happier and more motivated.

Some years ago, the idea of keeping a "gratitude journal" became all the rage. Research indicates that cultivating a sense of gratitude by "counting our blessings" can make us feel happier and more satisfied with our lives, and gratitude journal is a purposeful, systematic way to do that.

Happiness is great, but what about motivation? Does gratitude journaling make you more motivated? According to organizational psychologist Adam Grant, the answer is no. But there is something else you can add to your journal to increase your motivation—contributions.

"If you just do a gratitude journal, you end up passive," Grant told the Last Neanderthals podcast. "You're reflecting on what you're fortunate to receive from others. Jane Dutton and I studied this and we found that people end up more motivated after they do 'contribution journals,' where. you think about what you did for others. Part of our motivation comes from feeling capable of making a difference."

Grant said he likes to keep a journal that includes both gratitude and contributions. "You do your gratitude list, three things I'm grateful for, and then three ways I was useful to other people as well."

As a researcher at The Wharton School at University of Pennsylvania, Grant teamed up with Jane Dutton of the Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan to research how reflecting on giving and receiving impacts pro-social behavior. The question at the heart of their study was whether reflecting on receiving (gratitude) or on giving (contribution) would make a person behave in a more helpful way toward others.

gratitude journal, adam grant, motivation, contributions journalAdam Grant suggests adding contributions to your gratitude journal.Photo credit: Canva

"In field and laboratory experiments, we found that participants who reflected about giving benefits voluntarily contributed more time to their university, and were more likely to donate money to natural-disaster victims, than were participants who reflected about receiving benefits," the authors wrote. "When it comes to reflection, giving may be more powerful than receiving as a driver of prosocial behavior."

In fact, it appears that reflecting on giving becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. "Merely thinking about recent experiences of giving encourages people to give more time and money," Grant and Dutton wrote. The more we recall ways we've contributed, the more motivated we are to contribute.

volunteering, giving, motivation, adam grantVolunteering is one way to contribute.Photo credit: Canva

As it turns out, giving is also good for your mental health. According to the Mental Health Foundation, that helping others can reduce stress and improve mood, self-esteem and happiness. It's one of the ways people can build connections, which helps prevent loneliness and isolation, and can increase our sense of optimism and satisfaction.

The Mental Health Foundation shares some suggestions for people wondering how they might contribute more:

- Volunteer for a local community organization
- Offer your expertise and support as a mentor for those who are struggling
- Check-in with a neighbor
- See if there’s anything you can do to support your children’s school or nursery—offer to read stories for example
- Involve your friends and neighbors in community projects
- Offer to skill-share with a friend—you could teach guitar, dance or a new recipe
- Call a friend that you haven’t spoken to for a while
- Tell a family member how much you love and appreciate them
- Offer a listening ear to someone who simply wants to talk

helping in the garden, volunteering, being helpful, contributions journalHelping doesn't have to be complicated or elaborate.Photo credit: Canva

Contributions don't have to be huge or dramatic to be impactful, both to ourselves and others. It's not like you have to find a cure for cancer or solve international conflicts or rescue someone from a burning building to count up ways you helped others or the world. A contributions journal entry could be as simple as, "1) Helped my neighbor plant her garden. 2) Dropped a bag of food at the food bank. 3) Helped my niece with her math homework." Any way that you made someone else's day or life a little easier or better is a contribution, so don't be overly judgey of your own list.

Besides, the more you reflect on giving, according to Grant, the more giving you'll have to reflect on, so just make a start and see what happens.