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10 luxuries many people don't think of as luxuries

Lots to be thankful for here.

woman holding a glass of water, someone in bed sleeping

It's easy to take a lot of these things for granted.

When we think of the word luxury, we might conjure up images of mansions, high-thread-count sheets or designer handbags. We probably don't picture something as simple as walking to our kitchen to get a glass of water.

But for many people, even here in the U.S., having filtered drinking water pouring out of a spout in your home is a luxury.

Merriam-Webster defines a "luxury" as "something adding to pleasure or comfort but not absolutely necessary." Water is a necessity. Having it always available a few steps from wherever you're sitting is not. And there are many things that we think of as basics, simply because we've always had them, that others live without and would consider a luxury.

Someone on Reddit asked, "What’s a luxury that many people don’t realize is a luxury?" and the answers are making people feel grateful for things they might have taken for granted.


Drinkable water straight from the tap

Let's start with the most basic one, which isn't basic at all when you think about it.

"My graduate advisor (in the southeastern USA) taught a class on edible invertebrates, they would learn about a group of invertebrate animals each week and then eat them. The very first week he gave each student a glass of tap water and had them drink it. Then he told them that they were in a small percentage of people worldwide who could do what they just did and not have to worry about ingesting any number of critters. I TA'd that class the next year and it was pretty fun, although the pickled jellyfish was absolutely foul to me. 25 years later and I still remember that lesson."

"Exactly! Just turning on any faucet and being able to drink the water. I don’t think people realize how much of the world still has to walk somewhere to get water, and then has to make it safe to drink."

"Or the places that have tap water but still have to boil it anyways. People really don't realize how lucky they are to turn on a tap and have water they can drink without taking extra steps to not get sick or die."

Hot water on demand

The fact that we are able to adjust our water temperature to whatever we want it to be on demand? Incredible.

"I'm a plumber and we occasionally get calls on the weekend with people literally panicking because they don't have hot water. 'I have a sink full of dishes, I don't know what I'm going to do helllllp.' I think about people in other parts of the world surviving just fine without hot water, or even running water for that matter."

"Yep as a kid we didn't have a hot water heater , mom had a huge pot she would boil on the stove and then dump that in the bathtub. I think I was about 8 when at a Friend's house in town they had running hot water. It blew me away, how cool is this."

"My hot water heater stopped working today and I laughed at myself as I dramatically hyped myself up before rinsing shampoo out of my hair. I wouldn’t have made it 200 years ago…"

Good health

The often overlooked one that's probably the most important one of all.

"Most people absolutely do not appreciate the value of having good health until it gets taken away from them."

"Yeah, being able to just get on with your life without worrying about a chronic illness is definitely a luxury. Hell it's one many would trade being born in a 1st world country for."

"As someone who gets a new autoimmune disease every 7-10 years, this one is number one for me. It's changed the trajectory of everything I ever wanted to do with my life."

"I kinda hate that I took it for granted - until I got sick. Well, I was born with a genetic disorder, but it didn’t affect me (or was known about) until I was 40. Now I’m 50 and spend 90% of my days in bed. But I have had a fun and fulfilling life before that, I’m extremely grateful for that."

Laundry machines

Miraculous. (And yet we still complain about doing laundry, don't we?)

"The apartment I'm living in now has an in-unit washer AND dryer. It's amazing. I can throw a load in, no worrying about quarters or getting it switched over before someone else tries to use it. No carrying laundry baskets to the apartment basement, no one stealing my laundry or tide pods."

"Yup. I lived in a rural area of Brazil for a while. We used buckets to wash our clothes then line dried."

"Soooo true. The amount of time it saves?? You can throw a load in and leave the house. Or do another chore. Or anything you want. It’s amazing."

"The invention of the washing machine led to an average reduction in house work by women of 8 hours per week, effectively adding a full workday for women to be able to do different things. This helped to accelerate women’s rights."

Shopping for groceries without checking prices

If you've never had to take a calculator to the grocery store, consider yourself lucky.

"This is when I realized I was doing ok. When I went shopping or out to eat and never looked at or worried about the prices."

"I feel this. There were times I used to sit outside of the store and just cry, wondering how I would get enough food for the week. I used a calculator meticulously to make sure I wouldn’t be embarrassed at checkout. At times I ate nothing but sandwiches (thanks to the bread outlet!) and ramen noodles. My then-partner and I would share one grilled cheese and one can of soup for a nice weekend meal. Going out was incredibly rare. Only birthdays, really, and then we shared food. Now, I never forget those times because I am blessed enough that I can eat whatever food I want. I can afford all of the bills AND gas for my car. I can pay for car repairs instead of just hoping it works each day. I regularly help out those less fortunate and donate to the local mission, food pantry, and directly to students in need at my school. I give stuff away for free vs selling it on Marketplace. Don’t ever, ever, ever, forget how others live. It’s humbling to go through, but without the struggle we can’t fully appreciate the easier times."

"When I read this I realized this has never been a possibility for me. I don't know why it surprised me so much I guess because I'm just used to it. I can't recall even one time that I've gone to the grocery store that I didn't have to plan every penny. When I watch those weird restocking videos, I don't feel jealousy as much as horror. My brain immediately goes to how much each one of those things costs and what else they're giving up to have them. Probably because if I did that, I wouldn't have a place to live or a car."

Being able to publicly call the leader of the country an idiot with no consequences from the government

Some say free speech is not a luxury but a right. But let's not get stuck on semantics.

"This is the winner. It blows me away when I see people advocate publicly for rolling back free speech while they disparage government leaders in the same breath. The lack of awareness is insane."

"German here. Took me a while to truly grasp that. My parents always had some mean caricatures of politicians hanging on the walls.

Then I became friends with a Syrian refugee and took him to a barbecue at my parents place.

He saw a brutal caricature of Angela Merkel in the dining room and immediately pulled me to the side to ask me if this isn’t dangerous to have at home. I laughed at first till I realized he was very serious and even a little afraid that there could be consequences for him for hanging with people who openly make fun of the German government."

"This is so true. In Argentina we had a period where you'd be met with firearms if you were caught speaking badly of the government or known to be against it. Some ppl still think we were better off back then."

Open minded, loving, supportive parents

Those who have them may not realize what a huge difference good parents makes.

"This is the single most prolific factor in determining a child's success in developed countries, in my opinion. And by success, I don't just mean material success. I mean emotionally and relationally, as well as their career path.

I did a paper in college specifically about the outcomes of families with and without involved parents. The statistics are frightening. It cannot be understated how important supportive parents are for a child's development and life outcome."

"The number of people who take the good childhood they had for granted is mind-blowing."

"I still don't know what to do with this. Every time I see it, even in fiction, I realize how so many people don't know how lucky they are. I too wonder who I could have been with support and acceptance from my family. It's not easy to have to build yourself up when you weren't given the tools to do so and had to scratch it all out yourself."

8-10 hours of sleep

Ah, the bliss of a good night's sleep that you'd give an eye tooth for after you become a parent…

"Didn't even occur to me until I had my baby."

"Can’t relate to having a newborn, but insomnia is a god damn nightmare"

"I haven’t slept more than 6.5 hours a night in over almost 2 years 😩 First it was pregnancy insomnia. Then came my now-1 baby and exclusively pumping. I’m so tired y’all…"

Air conditioning

Seriously, this one is huge. If you know, you know.

"I grew up in a house without air conditioning (for the most part without even window units). I have lived in my current house for almost ten years now and the central air still feels like a 'rich people' thing."

"I honestly didn't know this, until I saw a case on The People's Court where a tenant was complaining about not having air conditioning. The judge went on to explain that AC was a luxury. I've been much more appreciative of my AC since that day."

"I reached a point in my life where I can budget for being comfortable in my own home, whether it is 110F or 10F outside. That's a nice luxury."

Air travel

Sitting in a chair above the Earth and being plopped down in another country for less than the price of a Taylor Swift concert ticket? Priceless.

"People bitch and complain about everything: the seats are too small, it costs too much, food sucks, the flight was delayed. But it's pretty amazing to pay a few hundred dollars and arrive on the other side of the country (or globe) the same day."

"100% And if you go to a random rural town you'll meet a ton of people who have never been on an airplane. I lived in the middle of nowhere in northern Michigan and when I told people I'd flown a few dozen times they looked at me like I was an alien."

"Yeah sometimes I feel like I am one of the only people left who is still amazed by the idea that you can get in an aluminum tube, fly through the air, and land in a place that a century ago would have taken days or weeks to get to."

Free time

The gift of time should never be undervalued.

"Time is the real answer. This question was asked a different way not long ago and someone wrote up a very well thought out reply about why time is the ultimate luxury. And I don't mean using that time for luxury leisure time either. Time itself is the luxury because it affords you opportunities that you otherwise would not have."

"This is my favorite luxury of them all! In my experience it requires money which is the only reason money is important to me. Money to be off work (and all the bills still get paid) but also money to enjoy that free time however I please. From a young adult I made free time my mission and I’ve been blessed to have a lot of it."

"Yes! The first time I watched Wrath of Khan, and Khan says to Kirk, 'Time is a luxury you don’t have, Admiral' my mind was blown. I had never thought of time as a luxury before, and that has always stuck with me.

I still hear Ricardo Montalban in my head when my alarm goes off in the morning and I have to get up, lol."

There are so many simple things we can consider luxuries and feel grateful for. All we have to do is imagine what life would be like without them.

Popular

Sweden makes stunning decision to trademark its name to avoid confusion

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

via Visit Sweden (used with permission)

A Swedish woman taking things into her own hands.

True

Sweden has existed for over 1,000 years, but travelers across the globe are confused because other places, inspired by the country’s untouched beauty and joyously inclusive culture, have taken its name.

Seven other places in the world call themselves Sweden, so to distinguish itself from the name-alikes, the Kingdom of Sweden is taking a bold, historic step that no country has before. It’s become the first to apply to trademark its name with the European Union Intellectual Property Office.

Visit Sweden likens the country’s problem to a luxury brand that has to contend with dupes, knockoffs, or bootlegs that fall short of the glory of the genuine article.


“It’s flattering that other places want to be called Sweden, but let’s be honest, there should only be one. Our Sweden. The one with the Northern Lights, endless forests, and the world’s best flat-pack furniture,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

By trademarking its name, Sweden will make things much less confusing for travelers worldwide. It’d be a shame for someone looking to visit Sweden’s majestic Lapland to mistakenly wind up in a place with no reindeer, Aurora Borealis, or cloudberries to be found.

The world-class research team at Visit Sweden knew it had to act when it realized that other destinations with the same name had tripped up travelers. People looking to vacation in Portland, Oregon, have accidentally wound up in Portland, Maine. Travelers yearning to experience the fall in Manchester, New Hampshire, have been deplaning in Manchester, England. “It happens more than you think!” the researchers admitted.


sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation The Northern Lights in Sweden. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Jann Lipka/imagebank.sweden.se

The E.U. Intellectual Property Office must act swiftly and allow Sweden to trademark its name so that travelers worldwide don’t miss the opportunity to experience an utterly unique country known for its serene landscapes, commitment to deep relaxation and personal freedom.

No one should ever miss out on staying on one of Sweden’s 267,570 islands, more than any other country. The Swedish archipelagos offer luxurious glamping, peaceful hikes, tranquil solitude and awe-inspiring, pristine nature.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A woman camping in the Swedish archipelago.via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Anders Klapp/imagebank.sweden.se


Sweden is a beautiful place to visit all year round, with bright summers, colorful falls, vibrant springs and dark, crisp winters. It is also a place to delight your tastebuds with a cuisine centered on healthy, locally sourced produce, with some preparation methods dating back to the Viking era.

The original Sweden is a place where one can relish Old World European history while also enjoying the modern pleasures of the most progressive countries in the world. Travelers can be whisked back into history by visiting the Naval Port of Karlskona, a well-preserved European naval town from 1680. Or, enjoy cutting-edge design, delicacies, art, music and culture in hip metropolitan destinations such as Stockholm or Sweden’s “coolest city,” Gothenburg.

Did we mention Sweden has an ABBA museum? Wait till the other 7 Swedens find out about that.

As you can see, Sweden is an incredibly unique destination that cannot be duplicated. It would be a tragedy for anyone intending to visit the original Sweden to mistakenly find themselves in a name-alike place that lacks its Scandinavian charm. You can do your part to stop the confusion by signing a petition to let Sweden trademark Sweden at Visit Sweden (the original).

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A Swedish Midsommar celebration. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Stefan Berg/Folio/imagebank.sweden.se

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.


Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

a young mother holds her baby

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

A woman holds a newborn baby.

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

True

Been stressed this week? Who hasn’t. That’s why we’re bringing you the latest in good news—five animal-themed stories we guarantee will put a smile on your face.

This week, we’re celebrating:

The most entertaining animal photos you've ever seen

Jason Moore/Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2023 and © Tzahi Finkelstein /Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2023

Need a laugh? How about a dozen laughs? Look no further than the 2023 Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards, a competition started in 2015 that focuses on the lighter side of wildlife photography. More than 1,800 photographers from around the world submitted photos, and the finalists—from a kangaroo playing air guitar to an arguing set of greenfinches—will absolutely make your day.

Healthier, happier, rescued pets

Hundreds of thousands of pets are relinquished to shelters each year, and many vulnerable pet populations—such as disabled and elderly dogs—can be hard to place in loving homes. Fortunately, Subaru has sponsored the rescue, rehabilitation, and adoption of more than 134,000 of these pets through the Subaru Share the Love® Event. As the largest corporate donor to the ASPCA® (The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals®), Subaru and its retailers are donating a minimum of $300 to charities like the ASPCA for every new Subaru purchase or lease during the 2024 Subaru Share the Love Event, happening now through January 2, 2025.

This animal-centric (and adorable) creative writing assignment 

Amy McKinney, a third-grade teacher in Pennsylvania, recently had a genius idea for teaching her class persuasive writing: Rather than have them formulate an argument for an imagined audience (boring!), McKinney partnered with a local animal shelter and had her class write persuasive descriptions of each animal to help them get adopted. Each student chose a pet to write about and sent their essays to the shelter to display and post to the shelter’s social media channels. Student engagement was “tremendous,” said McKinney, and there’s no doubt these persuasive paragraphs made a huge difference in these shelter pet’s lives. Adorable.

The dog who saved his owner with CPR (yes, really)

Dogs have made the news for saving humans before, but have you ever heard of a dog performing CPR? That’s exactly what Bear, a Siberian Husky-Golden Retriever mix, did in 2022 when he found his owner unconscious on the floor after suffering a major heart attack. Not only was Bear able to quickly call for help, he even jumped on his owner’s chest repeatedly while someone else called the paramedics. Thanks to Bear, the owner survived what should have been a fatal heart attack. Now that deserves some head scritches.

Bee populations have reached a record high

macro shot photography of beePhoto by Jenna Lee on Unsplash

Honeybees are essential to the planet, as they pollinate over 130 types of fruits, vegetables, and nuts. For years, honeybee numbers have been in decline—but happily, that’s starting to change. The US has added almost a million bee colonies in the past five years, with more than 3.8 million honeybees in total.

For more ways to smile, check out how Subaru is sharing the love this holiday season.

Fowl Language by Brian Gordon

Brian Gordon is a cartoonist. He's also a dad, which means he's got plenty of inspiration for the parenting comics he creates for his website, Fowl Language (not all of which actually feature profanity). He covers many topics, but it's his hilarious parenting comics that are resonating with parents everywhere.

"My comics are largely autobiographical," Gordon tells me. "I've got two kids who are 4 and 7, and often, what I'm writing happened as recently as that very same day."

Gordon shared 15 of his oh-so-real comics with us. They're all funny 'cause they're true.

Let's get started with his favorite, "Welcome to Parenting," which Gordon says sums up his comics pretty well. "Parenting can be such tedious drudgery," he says, "but if it wasn't also so incredibly rewarding there wouldn't be nearly so many people on the planet."

Truth.

I hope you enjoy these as much as I did.

1.

parenting, comics, humor

“Welcome to parenting."

via Fowl Language

All comics are shared here with Gordon's express permission. These comics are all posted on his website, in addition to his Facebook page. You can also find a "bonus" comic that goes with each one by clicking the "bonus" link. Original. Bonus.

2.

food allergies, fussy, picky eaters

Eating is never fundamental.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

3.

sleep deprivation, children, isolation

Adjusting the coping mechanism.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

4.

ducks, birds, fowl

I used to be cool.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

5.

naps, popcorn, movies

Naps happen.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

6.

politics, advice, education

Rolling with the punches.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

7.

emotions, therapy, emotional maturity

Tears happen.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

8.

insomnia, sleep deprivation, kids

It’s time to get up.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

9.

psychology, toddlers, family

The benefits of experience.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

10.

babies, diapers, responsibility

Is it gas?

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

11.

sociology, grief counseling, dads

Everyone gets therapy, yea.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

12.

moms, dress up, costumes

Everyone has a role to play.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

13.

doctor, medicine, pediatrics

What’s up doc?

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

14.

sports, competition, aggression

Everyone gets a participation ribbon.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

15.

theatrics, advice, Dan Gordon

Perception shifts.

via Fowl Language

Original. Bonus.

I love Gordon's comics so much because they're just about the reality of parenting — and they capture it perfectly.

There's no parenting advice, no judgment, just some humor about the common day-to-day realities that we all share.

When I ask him about the worst parenting advice he's ever received, Gordon relays this anecdote:

"I remember being an absolute sleep-deprived wreck, sitting outside a sandwich shop, wolfing down my lunch quickly beside my 1-month-old son, who was briefly resting his lungs between screaming fits.

A rather nosy woman walked up to me and said, all smugly, 'You should enjoy this time while they're easy.' It was the exact worst thing anyone could have said to me in that moment and I just wanted to curl up on the sidewalk and cry."

Who hasn't been on the receiving end of totally unneeded and unwanted advice? That's why Gordon's comics are so welcome: They offer up a space for us to all laugh about the common experiences we parents share.

Here's to Gordon for helping us chuckle (through the tears).


This article originally appeared eight years ago.

Canva

Unsolicited opinions aren't just annoying. They can be hurtful.

Sure, parents sometimes make an…interesting choice when it comes to naming their child. But the key word there is "choice." It probably goes without saying that it’s not the best move to insert an opinion on something rather personal and vulnerable like a child's name, especially when that opinion is not requested.

But nonetheless, people do cross this boundary, expressing their disapproval and giving new moms and dads yet another reason to second-guess themselves.

As one frustrated mom shared on Reddit, her own in-laws gave what she described as the “most unhinged” reaction to her newborn’s name, leaving her and her husband completely “crushed.”

At first, everything went smoothly.

“I just had a baby this week,” the mom wrote in her post. “We were still in the hospital when we announced her name and got a slew of the usual responses that normal, sane people say when hearing about the name of a baby (‘what a lovely name!’). Because saying anything different is insane, right?”

But when her husband texted his side of the family to share their newborn daughter’s name, all hell broke loose.

Mind you, these parents didn’t name their child Watermelon Gumdrop or Fern Gully or something else truly out there. The name they chose, which caused them a lot of unnecessary grief, was Rosa.

Not only does Rosa (the Spanish word for “rose”) sound lovely, it carries all poetic meaning symbolized by the flower: hope, love, and courage. What’s not to like?

a photo of a rose

Rosa is a baby girl name of Mexican origin.

Canva

But instead of celebrating their name choice, the mother-in-law apparently responded with, ““No, I don’t really like that name. I much prefer Violet.”

“We were stunned,” the woman continued. “I simply cannot imagine being a family member who’s being INFORMED of a newborn’s name, and thinking you should have input…We LOVE our daughter’s name, and did not want to have our first moments with our daughter marred by this comment.”

But wait, it gets worse.

The husband's family then called several times after their texts were ignored. The following day, the husband’s sister also sent a barrage of texts with “alternatives [that] she prefers.”

Then, when told that the entire family on the mom’s side supported the name, the mother-in-law laughed and said, “They must not have good taste—nobody here likes it. Nobody.”

Now, this next part really shows the effect this appalling behavior had on the new parents:

“We are sleep deprived. Coming down from an emotional high, during which our daughter was in NICU and I almost needed a blood transfusion because of how much blood I lost. My husband, so stoic and assured, is f**king crushed. I’m FUMING. I will NEVER forget how they made my husband feel during one of the most vulnerable and special times in his life,” the mom wrote.

Most Unhinged Reaction To Naming Your Child?
byu/UWhatMate innamenerds

People who read this woman’s story were “livid” on her behalf, and rallied to give her some long overdue support.

“What on earth is wrong with Rosa???? It’s a beautiful name!! Tell your mother-in-law she is ridiculous and she can shut up immediately, if not sooner,” one person commented.

Another pointed to how truly ridiculous this situation was, writing, “The name is ROSA? I thought from reading this that it was at least going to be a controversial name. Rosa is beautiful. Even if it’s not your cup of tea, it’s hard to find anything wrong with it. OP should take this as the sign it is and reevaluate their individual relationships with that side of the family.”

Several even suggested going into little-to-no-contact mode with that side of the family, since odds are they wouldn’t prove any more helpful in the stressful postpartum days to come.

“Tell her she doesn’t need to meet baby if she is so insistent on the name being changed,” one person commented.

Sadly, sometimes stronger boundaries must be established with those who will not respect more lenient ones, especially when it comes to family members—and especially when it comes to parents trying to raise their kids in the most healthy environment possible. Hopefully these parents were able to move forward and enjoy welcoming little Rosa into the world.


This article originally appeared last year.

A lazy dad versus an attentive father.

Many men say they want kids, but does that mean they also want to take on the full responsibilities of being a father? That’s the big question at the crux of a recent viral TikTok post that everyone who wants kids with a man should consider. The question has traditionally been, “Does he want kids?” but Abby Eckel thinks we must dig deeper.

Abby Eckel is a social media influencer and blogger who discusses women’s rights, focusing on equal division of labor in the home. In her video, she breaks down the differences between the 2 types of men. “Men are taught to want kids, but not how to be dads. There are lots of men that want to have kids. There are fewer men that want to be dads, and it's really important, as women, that we discern between the two, because they're not the same,” Eckel says.

What’s the difference between being a dad and being a father?

“A man that wants kids, he's thinking legacy. He's thinking caring on the family name, having little mini-me's running around, having kids running around, the milestones, the highlight reel,” Eckel continues. “Very few men though, when they think about, ‘I want to be a father’, are they thinking about the daily grind task, the midnight feedings, the diaper changes, the to and from of the inevitable sports that they'll play.”

@abbyeckel

I cannot emphasize these differences enough.

Eckels question is fundamental because if someone mistakes a man saying “I want kids” with “I want to be a father,” they may unwittingly sign themselves up as the default parent in a relationship. They will have to assume the mental load of parenting because dad fails to take any initiative. In this arrangement, the dad simply becomes someone who plays with the kids on occasion and has to be told what to do. This places the default parent in a position where it’s nearly impossible not to develop some resentment for their spouse.

On the other hand, a man who wants to be a father will be proactive and an equal partner in parenting duties.



Eckel believes that a big reason why some men fail to step up and become fathers is because they weren’t taught to be nurturing as children. “We bombard boys with messages about being providers, protectors. But when's the last time you actually saw a boy being taught how to nurture? How many young male babysitters do you have on your roster? I don't have any. How many little boys do you see walking around with a baby doll, feeding her, changing her diaper?” she asked.

The post resonated with many of Eckel’s followers, who think there are a lot of men out there who aren’t stepping up and taking responsibility. “Same for being married. Do they just want a wife, or do they want to BE a husband,” Dana wrote. “Being a Father and being a Dad are 2 different things. Your father is the person who helped create you, your dad is the man who helped raise you. They're not always the same person,” Izzie added.

“If you really want to see how a family acts, go to any theme park and watch a family of three or more. You can see just how much the mother goes through in a day with the kids while the father eats snacks,” Athena commented.

Ultimately, Eckel says the difference between a dad and a father is someone who takes initiative. “So, before you have kids with a man, watch how they handle responsibility. Do they take initiative on things, or are they always sitting back waiting for you to tell them what to do? Do they notice what needs to be done without being asked?” she explained.