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Happiness researcher reveals the 'enduring' secret to being happy in the second half of life

It goes against what Mother Nature may be telling you.

via Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

Arthur Brooks speaking.

Happiness researcher Dr. Arthur Brooks says that one of the most important things people can do as they enter the second half of their life is to focus on internal well-being rather than satisfying all of their wants. Even though this may feel like it runs counter to how many live the first half of their lives, he says it's the best way to find joy in middle age and beyond.

Brooks is a professor at Harvard University, author of From Strength to Strength and Build the Life You Want (with Oprah Winfrey), and is a lifelong student of the science of happiness. He says the key to finding it in the second half of life is recognizing when enough is enough and reducing unnecessary desires.

“What happy, successful people do in the second half of their lives is they go from adding to subtracting," Brooks says. "Mother Nature tells you that satisfaction comes from having more. More of what? More money, more power, more pleasure, more honor, more everything. More. But that's not the secret. The real formula for happiness is all the things that you have divided by the things that you want.”

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The Real Formula of Happiness Speaker: Dr. Arthur Brooks Source: Dr. Arthur Brooks #motivationalquotes #motivation #inspirational #happiness #arthurbrooks

For Brooks, finding happiness later in life is an inside job: we analyze our desires and decide which ones we can cast aside. It’s a worthwhile practice, given that as we age, our ability to achieve many of our desires is compromised by the aging process.

“There's two ways for you to get greater satisfaction," Brooks continues. "There's the old, inefficient way of have more, have more, have more. Or there's the efficient, enduring way of wanting less."

How to manage your wants, according to Brooks

It's easy to tell people to manage their desires, but how do they come up with a strategy for doing so successfully? He says one way is to audit your desires by putting them to a simple litmus test.

“One helpful exercise is to list your major goals and ask: Would this still matter to me if no one else knew I achieved it? If the answer is no, it may not be a goal rooted in meaning,” he writes on LinkedIn.

Brooks also believes that we can simplify our lives by redefining what it means to be a success.

“In research on midlife satisfaction, those who reoriented their ambition from status to service, especially men, reported higher purpose and deeper relationships over time,” he adds.

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Another meaningful way we can find greater happiness is by setting some of our wants aside and being grateful for what we have. Because if you aren't grateful for the positives you have in life, they will never stick to your bones or be truly nourishing.

“Practice gratitude for what you have," Daniel Levitin, professor emeritus of psychology and neuroscience at McGill University, writes in Successful Aging. "This is motivating, alters brain chemistry toward more positive emotions, and oils the pleasure circuits of the brain."

There’s something graceful about accepting a new challenge in life as we get older: learning to have the internal strength to set aside what we truly don't need and to nurture what we do, such as our relationships, friends, and community. Brooks' perspective is a valuable tool that will keep many from being led astray as they age by chasing things they no longer need.

happiness, happy woman, middle age, happy middle age, smiling woman A woman who is happy with her arms spread wide. via Canva/Photos

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Doorbell camera catches a UPS driver in a moment of contagious joy over a simple snack

Her adorable orangutan walk says it all.

@kenistoc/Reddit

Her delight at finding a snack she liked has people in stitches.

In the age of Amazon and other online retailers, delivery drivers have become an integral part of our lives. But most of us rarely interact with the people who drop packages at our door via UPS or FedEx or USPS, and if we do, it's usually only for a few seconds. We might manage a friendly "Good afternoon!" or quick "Thanks a bunch!" as they hustle to and from their vehicle, always rushing to fulfil their quota as efficiently as possible.

Delivery folks work hard. They're on their feet much of the day, traipsing up hundreds of front walks a week, through all kinds of inclement weather. Yes, it's their job and they're paid to do it, but it's always nice to have your work seen and appreciated, which is one reason a video of UPS driver discovering a sweet treat on a customer's front porch went viral last holiday season.

Another reason is that it's just hilariously adorable.

A doorbell camera caught a UPS driver wearing a holiday bauble headband walking up to the door and dropping off a package as she talks to herself. After she takes a photo of the delivery, she sees that the customer had left a little tray of drinks and snacks, and her exclamation of, "Oooh, do I see honey bunny?" is a sign of the hilarity to come.

Watch her reaction and the way she joyfully make her way back to the truck.

Unsurprisingly, people are in love with the driver and her giddy goofiness.

"I literally laughed out loud at her crazy walk back to the truck. I need more people like her in my life."

"I have a friend like that, he just makes my day every time we see each other. 😂"

"That is way adorable! Simple act that makes the day of a random person <3."

"I don’t know anything else about her but she’s my new fave human."

"OMG she reminds me of our mail carrier so much. We leave her cookies at Christmas and she always does a little happy dance that day."

mail, delivery, ups, happy, dance Its Mail Time GIF Giphy

Delivery drivers and former delivery drivers shared that these kinds of gestures really do mean a lot.

"As a former delivery driver, i want you to know that if you leave snacks and drinks out for us, we love you to the moon and back. 💜"

"Driving for Amazon paid my rent for 10 months. Not exaggerating when I say that it was a dark time in my life. Snacks made me smile. every. single. time."

"I mean... I literally took something from every house that had stuff out. I worked 10-12hrs+ during the holidays... I needed every calorie I could get walking 20-30miles a day."

"Even when I didn't take them I appreciate them. it's like seeing a sign that says we love delivery drivers."

"I'll tell you what, the people who leave food got me through my holidays as a postal carrier. Nothing slaps harder than an ice cold redbull and bag of pretzels and ice cold bottle of water that was left in a cooler. I had a lady who asked me what I liked and then had sperate bags labeled "Mail carrier USPS" and "UPS GUY" and "FED EX GUY" with our preferred snacks. She asked me what my favorite ice cream was and she knew my mile long loop and knew when I parked, I'd be done in 15mins, so, she'd be waiting at the truck every day all summer with an ice cream and a napkin.

There are some people who just f---ing make the day feel worth it, if you are one of these people, you are what makes delivering mail worth it. We do notice the nice things you do for us, THANK YOU."

"I do this during the summer. I'm in Texas so it's routinely over 100°F. I'm always trying to make sure there are cold drinks for our postal workers and delivery people."

"I do it during Australian Christmas. 40c/100f plus on a December day. Coke water and Gatorade always gone by lunch."

It's a good reminder that it doesn't take a lot to show appreciation and make someone's day. These kinds of positive interactions, even when asynchronous and not directly face-to-face, are an important part of building the kind of world we all want to live in.

kindness, goodness, connection, people, gif I Feel This Love GIF by Cynthia Erivo Giphy

This story originally appeared last year.

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Mom asked daughter what she liked about her 2nd grade teacher, and got a touching reply

"Thank you for making her feel this way."

Photo credit: Canva

We all have that one teacher who made a last positive impact on us.

John Steinbeck nailed it when he said “a great teacher is a great artist…teaching might even be the greatest of the arts since the medium is the human mind and spirit.” This is why many teachers often receive little thank-you trinkets and treats. I specifically remember giving out those red foil chocolate roses to some of my teachers. Remember those?

Then again, sometimes nothing quite encapsulates immense gratitude like a handwritten note. As the school year came to a close, one mom began writing a personalized thank-you card to her daughter Mia’s second grade teacher, filled with all the things Mia specifically appreciated about her this year.

The mom was not only "completely touched” by the amount of good things Mia had to say (“I never get much information out of my daughter”), but by how much care and thought this teacher clearly put in over the school year. So, the mom quickly jotted down everything she could, and came up with a heartfelt note which she posted online:

teachers, 2nd grade, 2nd grade teacher, teacher appreciation, gratitude, handwritten note "She makes everything better."Photo credit: Canva

“Dear —-,

I can’t express how important it is to [omitted] and I that Mia has such a supportive person caring for her and helping her grow. I have never heard her speak so clearly about someone. I was truly moved by how much she enjoyed being in your class. Thank you for making her feel this way.

I asked Mia what she liked about you and here’s what she said—unedited. She talked about you for several minutes.

‘[Teacher’s name] is nice. I love her because she is kind. She has been my favorite teacher so far because she is generous and she lets me go to the nurse when I need to. She has two dogs and two kids and I want to meet them because they sound nice and I want to say hi to everybody and…well…I want to meet the dogs! And she lets me talk about things I know a lot about like my butterfly reviews and jumpy spider.

\"she lets me talk about things I know a lot about like my butterfly reviews and jumpy spider.\"" photo_credit_src="https://www.canva.com/photos" photo_credit="Photo credit: Canva"] s]"she lets me talk about things I know a lot about like my butterfly reviews and jumpy spider."Photo credit: Canva

I like when she calls on me except when I’m not raising my hand. Oh! And she let’s me stand up when I need to so I don’t fall out of my chair. She says I’m ok when something is wrong and she lets me tell her in private. And she takes care of me like when I had that stye today and she reminded me not to touch it! She doesn’t yell at me when I talk out loud, she just tells me to stop and when we’re talking to her she doesn't talk, she waits for us to calm down and finish and then she helps. And she gives me pencils when I don’t have one and she even lets me use sharpies when I need to even when it wasn’t the right paper and it bleeded through and she said it was okay. She makes everything better.

I think I know her favorite color. I’m going to miss her over the summer’

[she notices that I’m frantically writing down everything she said]

‘Wait! Can I put a joke in there?! Put What did one carton of milk say to the other carton of milk when they were arguing? We gotta get to the BOTTOM of this!

Because you have to drink to the bottom of the milk carton! Put the reason because she might not get it.’

I truly can’t thank you enough. Have a wonderful summer.”

What my daughter had to say about her 2nd grade teacher at the end of the year
byu/pettypiranhaplant inMadeMeSmile


Later in the comments, the mother would add that she has a mild form of autism, and suspects that Mia might as well, meaning that while she might only need minimal support, she “still faces noticeable difficulties with social communication,” particularly in only being able to talk about stuff she’s “really passionate about.” This teacher not only clearly saw that need in Mia and nurtured it (listening while she talked about spiders and butterflies) she even became a special interest herself. This is such a clear demonstration of how powerful a good teacher can be in a child’s life.

Thousands of viewers chimed in to share how meaningful it can be for teachers to get this kind of feedback, especially in a world that’s making it increasingly more difficult for teachers to do their job properly.

“Letters and appreciation like this for educators means so much. They work so hard and good teachers deserve to hear they're acknowledged for their sincere work. I'm sure she will be so touched by this.”

“The good ones, the good ones often never get this. They never hear how their impact has been noticed and appreciated. Especially in recent years, it's so hard now. It really is, so many are leaving the profession as they're not supported and worn down.”

“I’ve definitely cried a little from nice emails from my students (higher education level too). They really make my week - sometimes make my entire semester and it’s what keeps me from quitting given I don’t like most other aspects of my job. I’ll be on the verge of quitting then a student will send me a really lovely thank you and I’ll be like ‘oh ok this is why I do it.’ I have them all saved! I even show my colleagues/friends and they show me their nice emails too and we all ‘awww’ over them.”

“That’s such a lovely story. It definitely gets difficult when I have students become really rude or mean (these are all adults in higher ed so it’s even more frustrating), a lot lean towards forgetting that we are people with feelings. So when a student is nice it makes such a big difference and I’m always incredibly grateful.”

What a lovely reminder about the power of gratitude. We all need to hear that our efforts are making an impact. Hold onto the kind words bestowed upon you, and never hesitate to bestow them onto others.

To all the teachers who "make everything better": thank you.

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Touching video shows a young boy saying goodbye to the garbage man he's greeted for 4 years

What started as a love of big trucks became a friendship.

via Canva/Photos

A sanitation worker taking a garbage can to the truck.

There are many wonderful reasons why little kids are fascinated, and at the same time, perhaps a little scared of garbage trucks. They have bright colors, flashing lights, and have massive moving parts that shriek and moan as they lift the garbage bins and throw them in the back of the truck. They are also impressed by the operator who pulls the levers and makes the massive machine lift and dump.

Little kids have this fascination until they are around five or six, until one day when the garbage man comes by they no longer feel the need to run out and watch. However, a touching story out of Florida shows that nine-year-old Noah Carrigan never lost his love for the garbage man, and that’s because they forged a sweet relationship. But unfortunately, after the city changed its waste management contracts, the garbage collector will no longer stop by Noah’s house.

“It started out as something so simple—he was just fascinated by the garbage truck,” Noah’s mom, Catherine Carrigan, told SWNS. “For years, every Tuesday, he would run outside to wave, and the garbage man always waved back, honked the horn, and acknowledged him.” She filmed the garbage man’s last pickup at his house, and it marked the end of an era.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

On the garbage man’s final visit, Noah handed him a bottle of water, a handwritten note, and some gifts to express his gratitude and appreciation for the kindness and years of friendship. "He wanted to write him a thank you note with garbage truck toys he used to play with," the mother wrote on a social media post. “This farewell hit hard,” she admitted.



One of the unique aspects of being a parent is that there are many last moments you have with your child, although you never know it at the time. Whether it’s the last time you pick up your child, the final time that you read The Little Engine That Could, or the last time that you put a Band-Aid on their knee after a fall, these final moments go without fanfare, but if you knew at the time that you’d never have that moment again, you’d cherish every second.

garbage man, sanitation worker, thumbs up, trash, garbage truck, orange jacket A sanitation worker giving the big thumbs up.via Canva/Photos

That's why parents need to take a moment to realize that they are in the midst of something beautiful that is fleeting. So, when there are those nights when you're tired and don’t feel like reading them a book before bed, or getting off the couch to play catch, knowing you only have so many of these moments is a great way to enjoy them. Because one day, when they’re gone, you’ll wish you could have read one more book or spent that nice spring day on the lawn throwing a ball around.

That’s why the story about young Noah and the garbage man is wonderful. On one level, it's a touching story about the friendship between a man and a young boy, highlighting the importance of the people who work in our communities. On the other hand, it’s a reminder that some of these simple joys in life we share with children will one day end—and you can’t turn back the clock.

This article originally appeared in April.

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