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One simple word makes children 30% more likely to cooperate. It works on adults, too.

No, it's not 'please.'

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Jonah Berger explains how appealing to someone's identity makes them more likely to agree to a request.

Human psychology really isn't that complicated, if you think about it. Everybody wants to see themselves in a positive light. That’s the key to understanding Jonah Berger’s simple tactic that makes people 30% more likely to do what you ask. Berger is a marketing professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and the bestselling author of “Magic Words: What to Say to Get Your Way.”

Berger explained the technique using a Stanford University study involving preschoolers. The researchers messed up a classroom and made two similar requests to groups of 5-year-olds to help clean up.

One group was asked, "Can you help clean?" The other was asked, “Can you be a helper and clean up?" The kids who were asked if they wanted to be a “helper” were 30% more likely to want to clean the classroom. The children weren’t interested in cleaning but wanted to be known as “helpers.”

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Berger calls the reframing of the question as turning actions into identities.

"It comes down to the difference between actions and identities. We all want to see ourselves as smart and competent and intelligent in a variety of different things,” Berger told Big Think. “But rather than describing someone as hardworking, describing them as a hard worker will make that trait seem more persistent and more likely to last. Rather than asking people to lead more, tell them, 'Can you be a leader?' Rather than asking them to innovate, can you ask them to 'Be an innovator'? By turning actions into identities, you can make people a lot more likely to engage in those desired actions.”

Berger says that learning to reframe requests to appeal to people’s identities will make you more persuasive.

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“Framing actions as opportunities to claim desired identities will make people more likely to do them,” Berger tells CNBC Make It. “If voting becomes an opportunity to show myself and others that I am a voter, I’m more likely to do it.”

This technique doesn’t just work because people want to see themselves in a positive light. It also works for the opposite. People also want to avoid seeing themselves being portrayed negatively.

“Cheating is bad, but being a cheater is worse. Losing is bad, being a loser is worse,” Berger says.

The same tactic can also be used to persuade ourselves to change our self-concept. Saying you like to cook is one thing, but calling yourself a chef is an identity. “I’m a runner. I’m a straight-A student. We tell little kids, ‘You don’t just read, you’re a reader,’” Berger says. “You do these things because that’s the identity you hold.”

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Berger’s work shows how important it is to hone our communication skills. By simply changing one word, we can get people to comply with our requests more effectively. But, as Berger says, words are magic and we have to use them skillfully. “We think individual words don’t really matter that much. That’s a mistake,” says Berger. “You could have excellent ideas, but excellent ideas aren’t necessarily going to get people to listen to you.”

This article originally appeared last year. It has since been updated.

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Leading psychologist shares the trick to learning new skills when it feels so frustrating

What are the frustrating barriers holding you back?

via Business Wire and Canva

A girl is frustrated learning piano and Dr. Becky Kennedy.

Everyone has a particular skill they’d like to learn, but many of us fall short of our goals due to frustration. After a few hours of playing guitar, your fingers hurt. It’s upsetting to shank the golf ball every time you try your pitching wedge. You want to finish a novel, but the writer’s block gets in the way.

Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist, mom of three, and author of Good Inside: A Practical Guide to Being the Parent You Want to Be, says that instead of seeing frustration as a hindrance, it’s time to recognize it for what it is: a sign that you’re acquiring a new skill. “The more we understand that the frustration and struggle is actually a sign we’re [learning], not a sign we’re doing something wrong, it becomes a lot easier to tolerate,” Kennedy told CNBC's Make It.

How to fight back against frustration when learning something new

Kennedy’s advice is eye-opening because we often label temporary feelings of frustration as signs of failure when, in reality, it’s a sign that we are building a new skill. There is no way to learn anything new that doesn’t feel frustrating or require resilience.

@aarondinin

Hope you enjoy learning from @Dr. Becky | Psychologist as much as my class did! #learningtofail #dukestudents #resilience

In a video posted to TikTok, Kennedy notes that there are two stages of learning something new—“Learning” and “Not Learning”—and that the only thing in between those two stages, the "Learning Space," is nothing but frustration. “Being resilient doesn't feel resilient at all. It feels so messy,” she tells the students in the video. “No matter what, you're learning something on a job, something from puzzles, learning to read, you don't know how to do it, you want to know how to do it. And what I think is really empowering to know is the Learning Space has one feeling associated with it: Frustration. That's literally how learning feels.”

What is the Learning Space?

The key is to reframe the feeling of frustration from one of failure to progress. Once you see frustration in a new way, you’ll be more likely to power through it.

A great way to visualize frustration is to imagine that the uncomfortable feeling you have in your head is neurons in your brain realigning to help you get through the task and wire the new skill into your brain. It’s a brief moment of being under construction, and soon, a new you will emerge with a talent you never had before.

In another video, Kennedy explains how many of us were taught to avoid frustration as children, which means a lot of us stop short of reaching our full potential. But those of us who can stay in that Learning Space will be able to go to it again and again, drastically improving our potential.

@drbeckyatgoodinside

You may have seen the video of me guest lecturing at my alma mater, Duke University, in a class called Learning to Fail, which is part of the resilience curriculum. I spoke about the concept of the Learning Space, and the video has now been shared 246,000 times. 🤯 I’m absolutely blown away by your reaction to this video. The Learning Space is something I feel deeply passionate about, and it’s a concept I’m always trying to instill in my own kids. At Good Inside, we focus on building capability, not fragility. We don’t prioritize short-term gratification; our goal is to build skills today that will help our kids thrive as adults in the future. So to everyone who’s sharing this idea, drawing your own versions of “The Learning Space,” and instilling this concept in your kids, thank you. Together, we’re raising a generation of strong, resilient children.

“When I think about my kids and learning to fail, or really, in my language, learning to struggle, I want them to become experts,” Kennedy said. “Not experts at knowing, experts at staying in the learning space. My goal with my kids is like, I want you to get comfortable in that space. Because the knowing and the success happens whenever it happens, but it always happens in more areas of life and more quickly for the people who can stay in the frustration.”

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Someone criticized this teacher's out-of-the-box lessons. Her comeback was an A+.

Never insult a teacher unless you plan on using proper grammar.

@_queenoftheclassroom/TikTok
A rude commenter got a lesson from Ms. Allen.

Being a teacher isn't easy. Teaching middle school students is especially not easy. Teaching middle school students who spent several of their formative years going through a global pandemic in the age of smartphones, social media and a youth mental health crisis is downright heroic.

If you haven't spent time in a middle school classroom lately, you may not fully grasp the intensity of it on every level, from the awkwardness to the body odor to the delightful hilarity that tweens bring to the table. When you connect with your students, it can be incredibly rewarding, and when you don't…well, we all read "Lord of the Flies," right?

Skilled teachers bring out the best in young people, and that can be done in many different ways. In fact, this new generation of students requires out-of-the-box thinking and new ideas to keep them engaged in the learning process.

For Amy Allen, she does it by making her middle school classroom a fun, welcoming place to learn and by bonding with her students. For Allen, fun and welcoming comes before anything else.

"I love teaching middle schoolers because they are awkward, and I’m awkward, so we get along," Allen tells Upworthy.

She plays games with students, gets rambunctious with them and creates opportunities for them to expend some of that intense pre-and-early-teen energy in healthy ways. For instance, she shared a video of a game of "grudgeball," an active trivia game that makes reviewing for a quiz or test fun and competitive, and you can see how high-energy her classroom is:

@_queenoftheclassroom

If this looks like fun to you, pick up my grudgeball template (🔗 in bio) #qotc #grudgeball #10outof10recommend @Amy Allen ☀️ @Amy Allen ☀️ @Amy Allen ☀️

"I think for teachers, we always want to create moments for our students that are beyond the standard reading, writing, memorizing, quiz, 'traditional learning,'" Allen says. "Games are a great way to incorporate fun in the classroom."

Allen clearly enjoyed the game as much as her students—"I love the chaos!" she says— and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Fun keeps teachers sane, too.

Allen shares tons of classroom and teacher content on her TikTok page, where she's accrued 15,000 followers. Most of them admire her as a dedicated educator.

Most of them.

Recently, one person took issue with Allen's silly and raucous classroom behavior and commented, "your a teacher act like it." (Not my typo—that's exactly what the person wrote, only with no period.)

Allen, never one to shy away from public criticism on her social media, addressed the comment in another video in the most perfect way possible—by acting exactly like a teacher.

Watch as she eviscerates the anonymous commenter's poor spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

@_queenoftheclassroom

Replying to @كل الكلبات تريد مني Come see me if you have any further questions. #qotc #iteachmiddleschool #weDEFINITELYdonthavefuninhere @Amy Allen ☀️ @Amy Allen ☀️ @Amy Allen ☀️ #Inverted

There are two solid ways to handle a rude comment without making things worse—you can ignore it or you can craft a response that makes the person look like a fool without being cruel or rude yourself. Allen's grammar lesson response was A+ work, right down to the "Come see me if you have any further questions" caption.

Teacher-mode, activated.

In fact, the person apparently went back and deleted their comment after the comeback video went viral, which makes it all the more hilarious. Allen's video currently has more than 4 million views on TikTok and over 18 million views on YouTube.

"What’s funny is I left my correction on the board accidentally, and the next day, students asked me what that was all about," Allen says. "When I explained it, they thought it was cool because 'why would anyone go after Ms. Allen'? At that point, the video had maybe 10,000 views. I never imagined the video would go viral."

Two days later, as the video was creeping toward a million views, she upped the stakes. "Some of my students are my ultimate hype people, and they were tracking it harder than I was," she says.

"I made a 'deal' with my fifth period if it reached 1 million during their class, they could sit wherever they wanted the entire week.


teacher, education, schools, elementary school, middle school, pandemic, gen alpha, gen z, millennials, classroom, viral tiktok What some people want teachers like Allen to act like. Giphy

"During lunch, I checked, and it reached 1 million. So when they came back from recess, I announced it, and it was like I was a rockstar. They screamed and cheered for me. It was an incredible moment for me."

Allen's followers, and many more people beyond that, loved her response:

"You're an amazing teacher. (Did I do it right???)"

"Well, I appreciate you acting like a teacher... love it..."

"I love this clap-back! Look at you "acting" like a teacher!"

The irony, of course, is that Allen was acting like a teacher in her grudgeball video—an engaged teacher with engaged students who are actively participating in the learning process. Just because it doesn't look like serious study doesn't mean it's not learning, and for some kids, this kind of activity might be far more effective at helping them remember things they've learned (in this case, vocabulary words) than less energetic ways of reviewing.

Allen has her thumb on the pulse of her students and goes out of her way to meet them where they are. Last year, for instance, she created a "mental health day" for her students. "I could tell they were getting burnt out from all the state tests, regular homework, and personal life extracurricular activities that many of my students participate in," she says. "We went to my school library for 'fireside reading,' solved a murder mystery, built blanket forts, watched the World Cup, colored, and completed sudokus. Is it part of the curriculum? No. Is it worth spending one class period doing something mentally rewarding for students? Absolutely."

@_queenoftheclassroom

Up Next: We decide to form a band with our first single “Rub some dirt on my boots”. #staytuned #qotc #parentdiscipline #teacherhumor #CapCut

Teaching middle school requires a lot of different skills, but perhaps the most important one is to connect with students, partly because it's far easier to teach someone actually wants to be in your classroom and partly because effective teaching is about so much more than just academics. A teacher might be the most caring, stable, trustworthy adult in some students' lives. What looks like silly fun and games in a classroom can actually help students feel safe and welcomed and valued, knowing that a teacher cares enough to try to make learning as enjoyable as possible. Plus, shared laughter in a classroom helps build a community of engaged learners, which is exactly what a classroom should be.

Keep up the awesome work, Ms. Allen, both in the classroom and in the comment section.

You can follow Amy Allen on TikTok and YouTube.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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One of the world’s rarest sounds is part of American English, and we use it every day

It's an odd sound, globally speaking.

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Learning to make sounds we didn't grow up with can be tricky.

When (or if) kids learn phonics at school, they're taught the symbols that go with sounds of their country's native language or languages. People all around the world grow up learning to make specific sounds with their mouths by imitating the language(s) they are immersed in, which can leave us completely unaware of how many other sounds there are until we hear a language that's far different from our own.

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Even the common foreign languages that American school kids learn have sounds that can be tricky to get down. The rolled "r" in Spanish. The nuances of French vowel pronunciations. The glottal stops in German. The sound that's a mix between "r" and "l" in Japanese. And for people learning English, one of the trickiest sounds to get down is "er," as in the American pronunciation of "bird," "world," "summer," or "percent."

Oddly enough, for as common as the "er" sound is in English, it's linguistically rare. According to the Linguistics Channel @human1011, the "er" sound is found in less than 1% of the world's languages, rarer than the click consonants found in some languages in East and Southern Africa.


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Although the sound is rare, many people worldwide use it, primarily because it's also used in Mandarin Chinese, or at least many of its variations. So, while there aren't many languages that use it, by sheer numbers of people, it's not that uncommon.

"So, a sound that's so rare that it's in less than 1% of the world's languages just happens to exist in the two most spoken languages on Earth? Can that really be a coincidence?" the @human1011 video asks. Well, yes. English and Chinese don't share a common linguistic root, so those sounds just happened to evolve in very different parts of the planet. According to some people in the comments of the video, there are regional dialects in Brazil where the "er" sound is used and in certain parts of the Netherlands as well.

Pronouncing the "er" sound is hard if you don't grow up with it, largely because it's all about the placement and shape of the tongue inside the mouth combined with the way the lips are positioned. That combination is physically tricky to show someone. This video, from a non-native-English-speaker does a good job of explaining the mouth movements that create the sound.

In the video below, Lisa, who was orignally born in Russia, teaches non-native speakers how to make the R sound so prevalent in the English language. "I'm a native American English speaker, and this is a great explanation of the mouth shape and tongue position! It's really hard as a native speaker to try to explain, but you made it very clear," the most popular commenter on the video wrote.

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What's particularly interesting about the "er" sound in American English is that it functions as a vowel sound. Most of us learned that the vowels in English are a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y, and that's true as far as written vowels go, but vowel sounds are different. In the word "bird," the letter "i" is a vowel, but doesn't make any of the "i" sounds that we learned in school. Instead, the "ir" combine to make the "er" vowel sound. It's called an r-controlled vowel, and we see it in tons of words like "work," "were," "burn," "skirt," etc.

Learn something new every day, right?

Here's another video that explains the physical aspects of articulating the r-controlled vowel sound.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Most of us don't consider that the sounds we pronounce without thinking are actually skills that need to be learned and practiced by people who didn't grow up with them. It's not until we start trying to learn a language that's different from our own that we see how many sounds we have to work hard to make, sometimes even having to train our mouth muscles in ways they've never been used before.

It's also a good reminder to be patient and kind with people who are learning a language. It's not easy, and anyone making an effort to communicate in someone else's language deserves our grace and kudos.

You can follow @human1011 on YouTube for more interesting linguistics trivia.

This post originally appeared earlier this year.

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